Who am I? - CH11
Dreams...?
Disclaimer: TMNT isn't mine and this is just a fan fiction writing. No money is being made on this story.
(TMNT CC are AU based on 2003 version and events, the turtles are in their late 20s.)
Warning: It has horror elements.
Rate: T
Drama, family comfort/hurt, and heartache...
Summary: When do dreams fall to reality or what truth do they hold, if there is any truth to learn?
AUTHORS NOTE: Just to clarify, when it comes to addressing Adam's gender, the brothers address differently. Mikey and Donnie will say she/her when Adam is human, he/him when Adam is a turtle. Leo and Raph will say he/him regardless if Adam is female or male. To them, Adam is referred to as a male using that when addressing Adam. This also will affect the gender choice in the current point of view of the brothers regardless of form, which will determine if Adam will be referred to as he/him or her/she within parts of the story. This will switch back and forth since each tends to take the point of view throughout the storyline. Sorry for the confusion, but I don't believe all four brothers think the same when it comes to Adam's gender. That said, one other thing that will happen is that Raph only, still calls Adam a turtle even when Adam is human as well, this is his mindset and how he perceives Adam.
He sat there basking in the silence of the room, calmly watching over his brothers that slumbered nearby.
His thoughts on the current dilemma that he was now facing, including what was in store for them in the near future was like a ramming of a sledgehammer against his skull rattling him up and forcing him to second guess himself.
Sure, everything was figured out in detail and his family was on board with his plans yet there was a seed of doubt growing within. One that was either cast by his own clear judgment from his past experiences or his head injury that was corrupting his own self-confidence in his ability to make the right calls.
It was no wonder that he was having a hard time falling to sleep with such a restless soul.
His mind was full of both doubt and hopes and pure fears, one to find out more about Adam and giving him the proper treatment he deserves, to the fears of Bishop torturing Adam and his family as well.
Leo's eyes sluggishly shift towards the hanging clock, seeing the minute hand slowly making its way around, it would be three minutes now until morning and he fearfully wondered would Adam just change in his sleep peacefully, or be tormented in pure pain just like the event the other night?
He wasn't sure if he could take it though, witnessing such agony and unable to help him otherwise.
Even if that is the case, the reality was what could he do?
What Donnie told him before they all decided to call it a night, there was nothing Donnie could give to Adam since any pain killers would just burn out during the change and do nothing for him.
The minute hand jumping two spaces, Leo sighed slipping out of his bed and slowly made his way to Adam, if he couldn't stop the pain, at least he could be there instead.
If that meant anything that is.
The turtle to be human soon, shifted in his bed that wasn't far from Leo and to his surprise that night when the arrangements of where they were going to sleep, it didn't take much effort on his side to convince the turtle to sleep in the room with the rest of them.
It was as if he sought comfort from them and that truly made Leo feel more at ease as well.
When he came closer Adam shifted towards him and even sluggishly opened his eyes staring into his own.
That moment of peace only lasted for a split second, then suddenly Adam overcome by powers out of his control jerked forwards shaking as he held his sides, long moans escaped his lips and Leo stared half horrified then reminded himself this wasn't about him, it was about Adam.
Leo pressed closer, placing his hand towards the turtle in pain gently on his shoulder, feeling the unmistakable hot skin, it was like the kid was on fire and when that registered in his brain that was still consumed with uncertainty he did consider ringing the alarm to the others, yet that never happened.
The pleading eyes that Adam had towards him made him stay in silence, he was trying his best to lock up his screams not to disturb the others and Leo could feel his heart break.
(What did Bishop do to you?)
Leo knew that disgusting man was a monster, but this? Whatever this was, Bishop had his hand in it and he knew that for a fact.
Adam's lips trembled and he managed to focus on Leo as if he was the beacon to aid him through this.
The heart aching in his chest ready to burst, he couldn't take it anymore and he moved forward wrapping his arms around Adam embracing him, discarding the odd feeling of him changing in his hold.
Adam did not fight yet clenched onto him as they both sat there, letting this take its course.
It was hard for Leo not to shudder to feel the bones snap and reformed and witness that shell that was a bump in the shirt start to shrink.
A moment passed and Adam's body stopped and Leo could feel what skin that was exposed, was soft to the touch.
Exhausted and worn out, Adam laid his head firmly pressed against his plastron and Leo didn't move feeling the human's need for comfort, someone to make him feel not so alone.
How many times had Adam changed back and forth and was alone?
It must have been terrifying he thought, for he would be scared if this was happening to him.
Adam's scent of sadness hitting his nostrils, Leo rubbed his shoulder, then raised one of his hands and placed it on Adam's bald head, as he did wonder if the human could have hair, what color would it be?
Donnie mentioned it would be unlikely Adam would ever have any body hair considering turtles don't and with the change between there was no time for hair to grow, as it was evident hair growth wasn't part of the transformation.
He rubbed the human's head in a moment of tranquillity, hoping no one would awake, they kind of both needed this.
Adam to know he was there and Leo finally concluding, though had his mind leaning to this conclusion beforehand, Adam was no different than any of his brothers, he was family, regardless they knew little of each other, he would do anything to protect Adam as he would do to any other sibling.
He wasn't sure how long he was sitting there, yet Adam was fast asleep still in his arms. His other brothers too were still in slumber as he closed his own eyes thinking once again. It wasn't long until his own body gave in and he drifted.
There was a sound to his right of what seemed to be rushing water, as he questioned it.
There was no water where he was sitting, knowing the bathroom not far from the room he was in even with the door open didn't allow the sound of the taps, nor toilet enter this room.
Then where was the water coming from?
As the question grew and the sounds were now next to him, he could smell something familiar yet misplaced. His face construed as he recognized it, it was the sewers?
"Huh?" Leo groaned sluggishly opening his eyes, finding his sight blurry at first seeing nothing other than shadows and the hues of grey and browns.
The water now a raging storm, he snapped awake rushing to his feet that he barely could keep balance feeling off, as he noticed beside him up high was a massive drain pipe with rushing water that poured into a large pool beside him.
The ground felt under his feet was brick, not concrete as the bunker had and the walls were not that boring grey cement, yet also brick and unmistakably belonged to the sewers.
"How did I?" he asked out loud, startled at the voice that came out of him.
It didn't come out as it normally would, it wasn't right, it didn't sound like him at all.
In a panic, he looked about realizing he was alone with only the shadows as company, something was familiar about this place, yet he couldn't put his finger on it.
Sure, most of the sewer tunnels were built similar to each other however living there you find the flaws and small details that differentiate them in order not to get lost in the labyrinth.
Yet this particular one he hasn't ventured to, which made sense it was a dead end and only one way out.
He avoided these passages to not become trapped when the going gets tough.
His eyes drifting towards the darkness the only exit as he let out a shiver.
He wasn't sure if it was the cold, or being alone that got to him, but he was suddenly hit by a wave of fear, confusion and other feelings dwelling within like he was some child once again.
"Get a hold of yourself, Leonardo," he told himself moving his one arm behind to grab his katana only to stiffen up in fear by to the sudden series of realizations.
One he had no swords, and the other ran a chill down his spine, his elbow was small, and what he could see of his arm, it was also frail in comparison to his normal muscular figure.
"What the shell!" he gasped, turning towards the pool of water then instantly approached it.
To his shock, his eyes widen in horror as he saw his reflection that revealed that he was a child once again, around five maybe?
His hand touched his face trying to feel it and comprehend what was going on. Was he dreaming? Was he in the astral plains? If that was the case he would think he would take the form he is now not when he was five years old.
"What is going on?"
He turned his head towards the darkness still searching for answers, as he came aware that he was aware, he knew this wasn't real.
He had control of his actions, not scripted, then it still boiled down to dream or astral projection.
Even in a dream he could still be in this state of mind as it was called lucid dreaming, being aware of your dream and controlling it, however oddly the level of control wasn't what he would expect in such a dream state and even projecting he was limited to that theory as well... then what was this if not either?
Something in the darkness called to him to come to find out why he was there. In his mind's eye, he felt someone watching him, someone that was familiar yet he couldn't figure who it was, he did have the impression of one of his brothers, yet couldn't determine if it was Donnie or Mikey since he strongly knew it wasn't... Raph...
Oddly, even with his uncertainty and who knows what trickery this was and in normal circumstances it wouldn't hinder him, he fell prey to his age, as his legs were shaking and he could feel the fear rising inside, while part of him didn't want to venture forward as the other half told him he had to for the one in the darkness wanted him to... to seek the truth...
"Come on Leonardo, it's only the dark, you travelled the sewers so many times this is no different, sure you have no weapons and you are a kid… but that never stopped you before…" he pep talk himself, taking one step forward then another entering the gloom.
It was thick and he couldn't see much as he pressed forward with one arm out to his side using the wall to guide him.
It was cold and rough and luckily not slimy or worse.
As he kept walking he could hear faint whispers in the distance familiar to his ears that made his heart jump in excitement. One of the two voices was Raph's he could tell as the other he wasn't sure of yet.
His pace quickened and he noticed the voices became louder and were from around the corner to his right, that held a pale glow beckoning him to come to take a look. When he finally reached that corner there was a doorway that led to an empty room, with two small shadows in it.
They were small like how he was now, there were no visible features than their outlines proving they were kids and turtles at that.
One such shadow was a blue-ish tinge as the other was red.
They seemed to be fighting or at least arguing since the blue one was cringing as the red was in a fury with clenched fists and pacing around.
"Why did you do it! Why did you tell him!" the red shadow demanded who sounded just like his brother Raphael at the age of five, of course, what memory served him of how Raph's voice use to sound before puberty.
The blue one whimpered and looked up at the red, "I'm sorry Raphie… Father asked…" the blue responded, making Leo blink, he sounded just like him well as he was at this age, was that shadow to represent him?
"And you just told him?" The young Raphael spat in anger, "Shell! He is mad at me because of you!"
"I'm sorry…"
"Shut up Leo!" Raphael growled, shaking his fist.
"But Raph…"
"No! Get lost Leo! Why don't you just disappear!" Raphael said harshly that even hit him in the heart, to hear his brother with such cold words, the ones he never really heard Raph speak of until they were a lot older and there was a good reason at that time of his life why Raph pushed him away.
The way the shadow was addressing the blue one made him feel it wasn't just in anger he truly wished it to be.
"I'm tired of you! Always Father's favourite, you get everything, he likes you more… if you didn't exist he would notice the rest of us!" Raph roared snarling in hatred.
Leo staggered back in sync to his small blue shadow version, they were both hurt, and yet Leo never had Raph do this to him, where is this coming from?
The red shadow grew in animosity, "Leave! Never come back Leonardo, I hate you I HATE YOU!" With the venomous words spewing out of the shadow's mouth the blue shadow retreated into the darkness vanishing from sight, leaving Leo alone staring at the ominous shadow of red, that truly never wanted to see him again.
Leo's heart started to become heavy and he felt abandoned as he too left unable to stand there witnessing such hatred. He turned back to the path he was following and continued on, not daring to look back.
Down the large dark hallway, he shivered, reflecting back on the event, one he was happy he never had with Raph.
In the past, he had his scuffles with his hot-headed brother, many times he was the stubborn one or it was the other way around, however, not one made him feel the way he was experiencing now, not one made him want to hide and truly never return.
The feelings so deep and rooted in his soul, he quickened his steps wanting to find the exit to this nightmare, he wanted to be back where his family was and not alone.
What felt like an hour or more as exhaustion was starting to show and his little legs felt numb and like noodles, he saw something in the distance, a tall shadow that gave him some relief and some hope?
Something about it cheered him up, and yet he had no clue why or who it was.
He found himself rushing forward like a fool yet he couldn't stop, either way, acknowledging his rash mistake.
There the shadow took form and he gawked at it in pure joy, it was his father.
The master was younger than he was now, his fur was less grey and more brown and he was wearing a different kimono.
He had a sack over his shoulder that Leo recognized as the bag his father used when they were young and took out to fill with food and other necessities when he left the lair.
The master not seeing him at first tilted his head at Leo when he was running towards him. Leo thought he would be happy instead the master looked at him in shock and horror suddenly swinging his staff out of its holster and pointed it at Leo as he went into a defense stance.
Startled by his father's reaction Leo halted where he was, staring at him in confusion. That confusion wasn't only his as the rat was in the same state, studying him with his eyes.
"Who are you!" he demanded with a snarl and disgust in his voice.
Leo shivered, not understanding the question, for his father should know who he was, yet he did not, letting out a growl of warning that if Leo didn't answer he would regret it. His body shook and he swallowed hard as the words trembled out of his tightened lips, "Leo-"
"Lies you are not my son!" the rat raged insulted by his half answer.
"But… I am…"
"That can't be! You're a phantom, a demon," he hissed moving his staff to attack, "I will not be plagued by your presence anymore devil." In horror Leo unable to move, watch the rat that looked like his father rushing towards him ready to strike him down.
An unbearable fear for his life rose within him, as he let out a blood curdling scream while holding his head, "Father! Please! I'm scared!"
The strike that should have come did not, as Leo trembled there waiting for it, then suddenly he felt a warm arms around him picking him up.
Tears filled his eyes as he sluggishly looked up shivering as he did. There the rat was peering down at him with eyes that were not full of rage anymore, yet regret and sadness. A moment passed and the rat finally spoke, "I'm sorry my… son… Leonardo," he said regretfully then held him closer to his chest.
Tears running down, Leo buried his head into his father's chest, crying more letting out all his fears as his father soothed him by rubbing his head, "Shhh, child, it's okay, I'm here. I will protect you and never fail you again… my Leonardo…"
"Leo…"
"Leo…" a faint voice called him breaking him away from his father, yet the warmth stayed as he found he was once again in the bedroom with Adam nuzzled against him, head resting on his plastron fully asleep.
The voice once again called, he tilted his head groggily towards Donnie, who stood beside him and had his hand on his shoulder nudging him softly.
"It's time to get up," he insisted in a low voice, "It's late as it is and I don't think you should sleep in any longer."
"What time is it?" Leo whispered so as not to disturb Adam.
"After eleven," Donnie informed him as he frowned on that.
It was later in the day he would want it to be, sleeping in until nine was the best he could tolerate, after that it kind of made him feel useless regardless if he needed it or not.
"I see…"
"Sorry Leo, we considered waking you up but I did notice last night you were restless and after you confronted Adam's change, you actually fell asleep. I didn't want to wake you neither did the other two," Donnie explained apologetically.
"It's fine Donnie," Leo nodded, looking at Adam, saddened that he would have to wake him up or did he? "Donnie should we let Adam…"
"No, he needs his shot and besides, he will not sleep well tonight if he sleeps any longer," Donnie told him, then added, "Do you want me to…"
"No, it's okay Don, I will wake him. Can you see if Mikey can make something light to eat for we will have lunch with the rest of you around oneish if you think that would be okay?" Leo asked, figuring for Donnie was looking over both their health especially Adam, he wasn't sure he would have the best judgment when it came to meals.
"That would work, I will make sure Mikey adds more nutrients to Adam's meal to balance things for her. With only a portion of the shots, we need to compensate for her body's constantly changing."
Leo nodded then he turned his attention to Adam as Donnie made his leave. The face so peaceful Leo wondered was this the first time he had such a moment where he felt safe? How long has it been for him?
Taking his hand and placing it against Adam's cheek Leo said in a calm soothing voice, "Adam, it's time to get up," saying it a few times Leo's mind drifted as he waited for him to respond which he was resistant to waking up at first.
Leo started to reflect on his dream wondering what it meant and why it felt so real yet he knew it never happened, so why did he dream it?
Was it some sign of what to come or was this his brain working in mysterious ways to dwell on something else?
Then what was bothering him, his family safety and Adam's?
Was it based on that in some twisted odd way?
Either way, in the end, it was just a dream, right?
Adam finally decided to wake up, shifted and slowly looked up towards him in an embarrassment of how he fell asleep on his plastron, even leaving a small pool of drool.
"Morning Adam," Leo said softly, not minding what Adam had left behind, receiving a smile from his warm human face, that made the dream start to fade away. There was more important things to worry about and enjoy in the end then some silly dream... Or was there...
TBC