Who am I? - CH15

The Rain can Whisper

Disclaimer: TMNT isn't mine and this is just a fanfiction writing. No money is being made on this story.
(TMNT CC are AU based on 2003 version and events, the turtles are in their late 20s.)
Warning: It has horror elements.
Rate: T

Drama, family comfort/hurt, and heartache...

Summary: {The beast is among us...}

AUTHORS NOTE: Just to clarify, when it comes to addressing Adam's gender, the brothers address differently. Mikey and Donnie will say she/her when Adam is human, he/him when Adam is a turtle. Leo and Raph will say he/him regardless if Adam is female or male. To them, Adam is referred to as a male using that when addressing Adam. This also will affect the gender choice in the current point of view of the brothers regardless of form, which will determine if Adam will be referred to as he/him or her/she within parts of the story. This will switch back and forth since each tends to take the point of view throughout the storyline. Sorry for the confusion, but I don't believe all four brothers think the same when it comes to Adam's gender. That said, one other thing that will happen is that Raph only, still calls Adam a turtle even when Adam is human as well, this is his mindset and how he perceives Adam.

{Don't trust... who is real... who is fake... can you tell? Do you want to know the truth? I can show you it, take my hand... and let the beast be gone... and let's work together...}

The creaking of wood captured his attention as he tensed up, and then eased seeing the rain ramming against the window that created the alarming sound. Alone with his thoughts, there was a heavy cloud of guilt looming over his head and it rained on him as harshly as the weather was doing so towards this old cabin.

Benched and not permitted to move from his seat on the floor, not that he was capable to defy those orders, his eyes sluggishly moved around the room, seeing the others preparing for the journey ahead, yet he was helpless to lend a hand...

Being the turtle left out, swirling questions came to the surface, such as, was this how Leo felt during those weeks, being treated as the weak link? Even though it wasn't as direct as that, he could faintly see it in their faces and hear it in their voices, he became the baggage.

Now the shoe on the other foot, he started to grasp the hardship the leader went through, feeling slightly disgusted with himself not taking into consideration how being put on the sideline would affect someone, not just their health and body but the mind as well. Even with that conclusion, it was only half of his thoughts that were running chaotically in his mind.

"Donnie..." a faint voice called, pulling him back from his deep reflections.

Not bothering to give a response he ignored the turtle in question that sat down beside him.

When it was evident the individual wouldn't just leave him be, he sighed before looking up towards Adam's worrisome face.

"I'm fine-" was the first two and only words that he could get out before being interrupted.

"No..." the worried turtle shook his head, not accepting it.

"Don't worry, I'm..."

"Hurt and..."

A bit annoyed being pestered and interrogated as if he had some dark feelings that he needed out, when reality he just wanted to be left alone in peace, Donnie tried to defend himself, "Adam, it's okay. I'm just-" Yet, like normal Raph stepped in where his beak didn't belong.

"He is right Don! Stop moping. So what, your leg is broken, shell Mikey had both of his years ago and-" Raph started, then growled when Leo intervened.

"Even so, he still complained," Leo reminded Raph that it was Mikey after all and used it in his favour as an excuse to excuse himself from the activities he didn't enjoy to boot.

"That is beside the point," Raph grumbled, "at least he didn't act like Don here, Mr. It's all my damn fault!" Raph stated as Donnie turned away guiltily.

Ever since they woke up and came up to speed and after Donnie double-checked everyone's injuries to see if the man that help them was correct, the purple mask brother took it upon himself for being the driver, the one responsible for their current predicament and poor state, peculiarly Raph who in turn was...

"All of this was my fault I didn't see him coming!" Donnie spat in anger.

"None of us did until it was too late Donatello!" Raph snarled, "Hell the guy hit my side and I didn't notice until he was up our asses, so fucken stop flapping your gums over how it is your fault! Like hell I will not take that shit from fearless, so that doesn't mean you have a free pass to take his place instead! You hear me!" The threat was placed on the table and the huffy turtle waited to see if Donnie would dare to challenge it.

Tears ran down Donnie's cheeks as he started to cry.

The memories pouring into his body trembled reflecting how Raph acted, how he was showing how much he didn't want Donnie to do it...

Out of all their injuries, Raph was the most crippling, Mikey with broken ribs will recover, his leg will heal in due time, but Raph's eye, that was another story.

"I will have..." Donnie shuddered as his tongue twisted to knots and horror filled him by not from his injuries, nor the accident, but the madness of this all, what he might have to do. "I.."

"Fuck sakes Don, tell me! What is wrong... why... why can't I see?" Raph growled noticing from his left that Leo looked in dismay at him, pity was on his face and the horror that Mikey was displaying made his stomach drop in fear. Something was wrong, then his left side of his face burning like it was on fire, and the darkness that lingered there taunted him that it was not looking good for him.

"I will need to... remove your eye..." Donnie quivered, his words as Raph's face went blank and he just stared at him.

There was a metal piece lodged in Raph's socket, that luckily didn't go deeper reaching his brain and the eye was beyond repair of any kind. Even if he had the surgical tools available there was no way he could save it. With the fear of infection and it spreading, Donnie knew he had no choice than to proceed in taking his brother's eye out...

"You're fucken kidding me right," Raph let out a nervous laugh that fell when he noticed how quickly Mikey retreated unable to witness nor take part in this anymore. Even Adam was far across the room whimpering, now with Mikey trying to calm him down, more so for himself as well.

"I'm sorry..." Donnie's teeth chattered and his shaky hand went forward, "There is nothing..."

"You're... not... kidding..." Raph's words were weak, flat and poison with fear and horror. Hollow, as they were, they didn't stop as he just continued taking both Leonardo and Donatello to a choice they too wished not to go. "Fine... get it over with... don't let me see it... okay..." Raph trembled as one lone tear ran down his cheek. The demand came from him next, "Just fucken do it already!" as he clenched his fist and looked towards a window behind Leo, not daring once to look at his two brothers as they did the unspeakable...

Tears heavy and hot, kept flowing as Donnie looked towards his once bloodstain hands, they were the cause of his brother's new handicap and that such brother wasn't even batting an eyelash at him for his horrific deeds!

"Why? I don't get it, you should be angry at me! Be resentful at me!" Donnie yelled, not caring much for Raph's empty threat, making Adam shift away and even Mikey cringe, "You... you lost your damn right eye Raph! There is no way you're coming back from that injury! You are permanently blind on that side because of me!"

The bottom line was he was the reason they left in a hurry, if he did the right thing and talk to Leo before it came to that pinnacle point which drove Adam to suicidal thoughts, they might be at the sub and arriving home without incident.

This wasn't how things were to turn out, he should have handled the situation better, he should have been watching the road when driving, he should have...

Dark thought swarming over his head, he trembled before them, at their mercy than to his surprise, he felt it... something that was wrong, worse than wrong... unforgivable.

A warm pair of arms wrapped around him, free from hatred towards him, free from any anger, disgusted that this was his way to act, to show him how he felt, Donatello tried to resist Raph's kindness, crying harder telling him he shouldn't forgive him.

Leo stood there watching this display in vain, seeing how the accident has broken his brother as they all could see, not that any of them were any better off, it has only been hours since they came too, it was still fresh in their heads and worse they had to move on soon being dusk and night was not long to follow.

"Donnie... It is not your fault..." Raph held onto him tighter, not wanting to lose his brother to his own guilt, not wanting to see this anymore.

At the end of the day, he didn't blame him, on the contrary, he was grateful that his brother could find the strength to perform such a surgery with little tools at hand that he knew it wasn't done he would be worse off. "Please Don, don't do this..." the muscular turtle begged in a quivering whimper.

With everything that's going down his own fortitude to hold on was wavering, a wall built to sustain all challenges was crumbling, not helping was bear witnessing his brother falling into the abyss of despair. Raphael had his fears, some very well known, as other not so much, one being that he was afraid of the unknown, being a victim to it, with Donnie blaming himself over something he had no control over was just unforgiving and not acceptable.

He bit his lip, trying to find the right words, that he wasn't good at wishing the fearless leader would step in yet knew he was the one to bring some peace back to Donnie for only he could, "It's just a damn eye, I will survive, I still have my life and how you were talking I might not have it either if you didn't do it... Damn it please! Donnie don't do this... not now... not ever... shell we can't have you break down, we all need to stick together... please don't make me beg you more... "

"I can fix it..." Donnie cried, "I can... you... I... will.."

"I know you will try, if it can't be fixed, then promise me you will not blame yourself again... please?" Raph shuttered, with a whimpering response from Donnie in return.

Calm washing over them, they sat there listening to the rain, with the rest of the cabin remaining silent and still.

{Only the beast should be blamed, the beast is the one that...}

Then suddenly Raph's good eye opened feeling someone tapping on his shoulder.

As his head met the individual in question, Donnie too was looking up with teary eyes seeing Adam standing there and then pointed to his right eye.

Speechless, the brothers gawked in a mix of horror and confusion, catching on what the turtle was disturbingly trying to hint to them.

Disturbed by this himself, Leo was about to intervene, dreading over how Raphael out of the two would interpret the gesture, that would undoubtably end in rage. Hand up he paused before taking action, as both Donnie and Raph's lag reaction wasn't what the leader anticipated, causing him to reframe from getting involved.

In a split second, being shellshock one moment, then the next, they surprisingly burst into laughter, shaking their heads as if they were troubled and yet amused at the same time.

That laughter polluting the cabin and after several snorts and crackles later it was Raph that answered Adam, who appeared to be puzzled, "Shell I don't want your eye kid, jeez... it's the wrong colour!"

"That's right," Donnie put in his two cents in, wiping the tears away finding Adam's proposal cute and something that actually made the room feel lighter in a weird twisted way, "Raph's eyes are golden and having one green eye, would be too far an odd match indeed."

"Shell we can say if that was the case Raphie is part wereturtle, that is why one eye glows golden," Mikey snickered getting a moan from everyone.

"Thanks, kid," Raph got up patting him on the shoulder, "I want you to keep your eye, but thanks for considering it I appreciate it."

A broad smile touched Leo's lips, seeing even Donnie now was in a better mood, patting on the ground for Adam to sit beside him as he put his arm around the kid and started to explain to him how noble the offering was but probably wouldn't work either way, with jokes aside it would defeat the purpose since someone in the end, would be missing an eye.

Yet that smile faded on the leader as he stopped Raph halfway passing him, "Seriously though how..." Although that subject matter being a delicate one, the eldest had no choice to address it, knowing his brother was pulling a straight face over the ordeal.

"How about asking me later when we are all safe Leo..." Was the only reply as he brush Leo's hand away, not in blame or anger just wanting it to be dropped for now. Even though Raphael knew it was going to be a subject of discussion at one point or another, at that juncture they didn't have the pleasure to bother with the small issues, Bishop was going to be on the move and they too needed to keep one step ahead to survive this shit fest.

"Right... later," Leo took a deep breath through his mouth and out of his nostrils. A talk, they will have when the storm wasn't so threatening to them all and the enemy was not stepping on their tails...

{Question everything... who can be trusted... who is being a puppet... who acts on their own accord.. can you tell the difference? Shadows stir, secrets untold, make the decision... take my hand... let's work together and uncover the beast.}

"Are we sure about this?" Donnie questioned pulling the drenched blanket that he was using like a cloak that was torn now, catching on some low branches on their journey to the location Leo had designated.

The white noise created by the heavy showers drowned their voices, he had Raph on his side following Leo who took the lead and in the rear was Adam and Mikey helping each other out.

"We have to press forward," Leo commanded.

"I see that, but what of this safe place you picked? What is to say it's safe at all?" he asked hearing a warning groan from Raph not to start, yet Donnie ignored it, "We are wandering in the middle of nowhere, in the heavy and mind you freezing rain! Bishop can be..."

"Hunting us down as we know it," Leo finished his sentence, "I agree but with this weather, it is just as much a hindrance to him as it is to us. What better way to hide our trail even if he finds the cabin we stayed at, you should know that much Donnie."

"Yes, but that isn't what is worrying me Leo," Donnie hesitated, "What is to say we should trust this guy that helped us? What is to say this isn't some cunning plot that Bishop has cooked up to trap us or find out where the lair is? You know as much as I do how much Bishop would benefit finding it over just capturing us, have you not forgotten?" Donnie pointed out then jerked to a stop as Leo did the same turning towards him in question.

"For Adam trusts this stranger that alone should be enough," Leo answered, looking over the two brother's shoulders, where Adam and Mikey were staring at him, unsure what was the holdup, proving they being at the rear couldn't hear the conversation due to the down pour and distance.

Taking a breath Leo directed his attention towards Donnie that seemed that was his real problem, wither or not to put their lives upon Adam's judgment.

Why did Adam hands down accept this guy as a friend?

The question did arise in the cabin yet he didn't say anything only shrugged.

Leo knew there was a genuine reason behind it, however, no matter how he inquired about it he couldn't get it out of him. In the end, the only solution was to take Adam's word, leaving it at that and see where it goes. Not that there was much of a choice either way.

Donnie on the other hand wasn't thrilled nor easily convinced, he wanted more in return, concrete reasons and based on past experience dealing one on one with Adam, saying 'he says so' wasn't good enough.

To date, with the trust issues the kid had and how hard it was to gain what they have so far with him, it came as a shocker that the turtle in question was so willing to stand up for the stranger that worked for Bishop. It did cast some doubt and worry, more so to Donnie than anyone else.

"I understand that Leo... but that isn't enough. Sorry, we don't know what the deal is with Adam and Bishop or what conspired before we met him..." he started seeing a glimmer of anger in the leader's eyes as he put a hand up in defence and continue before being interrupted, "Not saying we can't trust him, but what proof do we have that Bishop hadn't planted any suggestion that could be triggered to trick his better judgment and strongly believe this man is a friend? What is to say Bishop doesn't have some form of a hold on him that he has no clue about... that..."

"That's enough Donatello!" Leo demanded sick of hearing conspiracy theories such as this. Why was Donnie so infatuated with jumping on that train every time something new arises?

{Truth... Lies... the beast inside he lurks without care... answers need to rise, doubt is a seed that keeps rooting deeper in the soil and one day will bloom... who is real, who is fake? The beast knows... the beast hides in the shadows... poke the beast, poke it hard... demand control, demand what you should know...}

Leo noticing the other two were able to hear what was conspiring and with the expression on Adam's face which was grim, it put Leo in the position of failure. Failure to shield him from this continuous rising topic no matter how many times it was addressed and put to rest. He felt shameful not having this under control and having the kid to keep facing these accusations on every turn, one reason he was willing to have faith in Adam when it came to the stranger and to prove he didn't believe Adam was a weapon, yet a victim. No, not a victim anymore, but a survivor that was free from Bishop's clutches because of them.

"No Leo we have been beating around the bush over this and you keep dismissing it with no evidence to prove otherwise..." Donnie spat as Adam quivered.

"Donatello that will be..." anger filled Leo ready to snap on Donnie, coming towards his wit's end.

The tension rising a fear took root in Adam as he dared to intervene.

"Casey Jones!" Adam screamed at both of them to make them stop, as tears filled his eyes. He didn't want them to fight anymore, he couldn't take it, he didn't want them to hate each other because of him.

In shock, Leo and Donnie argument came to a halt, as all four brothers turned their attention towards him.

"He is who?" Raph's eye widened reflecting back to the man he met in the back of the van. The guy wasn't wearing a helmet and he didn't look anything like Casey, who was he referring to then?

"He... is my brother... Casey..."

Large droplets, fast and plenty pounded against their shells as they all stared at him, it was Leo who walked forward, "Adam... what is going on?"

The turtle trembled and if it wasn't for Mikey, he would have fallen to the ground when his legs started to give in. They all waited for an explanation, yet one wasn't coming for Adam feared of what kind to give, though there wasn't much he had in truth.

Being the only one that saw the guy, Raph bit his lip, not wanting to accuse the kid has mistaken but he had to say it, "Adam, the guy is not Casey..."

A sharp look was the response from Adam as he shook his head in protest, placing his hand on his plastron, "My Casey... my brother..."

Unsure what to make of this they all remained silent as Donnie placed a hand under his chin to think it over. This was a bombshell of a reveal over the identity of their mysterious double agent, one that no one thought possible or consider there could be another Casey too.

The rain that was already coming down in buckets was only getting worse with the rumbling of thunder in the distance that was creeping in a slow pace. Which was odd since the wind was intense, whipping the droplets of rain and the tree tops above their heads with no mercy.

{Interesting...}

"What do you mean?" Leo started, then turned his attention towards Donnie who had managed to reach him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Leo this isn't the time, we can figure this out once we find shelter," he suggested as the leader gave him a sideways look.

"You were the one that wanted..." Leo started to inquire, baffled over Donnie's new 'leave it for later' attitude when a moment ago he was willing to fight tooth and nail to get to the bottom of this.

"Yes, and I got something now to go on, I don't know about this Casey but now I know why the Adam trusts him. If it is real or not, trick or truth, either way staying out here would be harmful to us all," Donnie pointed in the distance as a flash of lightning could be seen, "It's getting worse and we are lightning rods if we stay out in the open like this, even under a tree isn't safe."

"I see..." Leo nodded in agreement seeing the danger this pose for them all, "Adam we will talk further about this once we have shelter, but please in the meantime don't think you can be quiet about it when things are more suitable for a conversation, this will happen okay?"

The turtle shifted his feet, eyes on the ground showing he was feeling guilty, Leo taking that as a yes, he turned around to direct the group to safety.

"Come on little bro, we need to keep up with the others," Mikey held onto his shoulder, pulling him softly forward, "Just don't sweat it we are not mad that you didn't say something okay. Dude, that was a shell shocker, that is all."

Having Adam not responding to him, who in turn only was fixated with the ground, Mikey knew he had to do something, "Man, there is another Casey, not sure if I should be scared or not." Mikey let out a chuckle on the joke hoping it would bring some form of a smile on Adam's lips that unfortunately didn't do the trick.

"I... know... but..." Adam whimpered as Mikey tilted his head at him.

"But?"

"I promise Casey... he ... I ..."

"Is that what's worrying you? Dude, it's not like you meant to break your promise to be spiteful, it just happened, out of your control. It shows that you care about us as much as we care about you, wanting us to feel safe that is all," Mikey tried to cheer him up, "Besides if he is like our Casey then he wouldn't be upset at you over this. He would understand."

"But...Bishop might... hurt... him.." Adam shuddered as Mikey's hold became tighter.

"No chance! We will not let it happen bro, I promise," he insisted as it was evident there was more to this than he knew. Knowing nothing about what was really going on he could only sigh, "Just calm down, when we are at the shelter you can bring us up to speed about your friend and Leo will make sure nothing happens to your Casey."

"Okay..." Adam nodded, moving in closer to Mikey for warmth and security as the turtle was more than happy to provide.

{Very interesting...}

TBC