Chapter 12: Potions

She knew that for most students at Hogwarts, they disliked their Potions class and professor with a passion. Especially the Gryffindor table she had sat at during Halloween. Kenna couldn't think of the right words to defend Severus Snape. He was a strange man to her, but he never treated her horribly. From what she saw in the classes she sat in with him, he had a much stronger position on classroom management than the other teachers, and she could see where he was scary. He had a menacing aroura that followed him through the room, but it was never threatening. Kenna also knew that he really did like his subject, and he was very good at it. Whenever she asked about a potion or potion ingredient, Dumbledore always directed her to him.

Much like Minerva had on her first day, Severus had very clearly given her instructions. She was to stay at her desk and mentally call him if she needed him. She always needed to be quiet and do her best not to distract students. She was not allowed in the ingredients room. If there was an emergency, she was to go through the door on the right to Severus's office and stay there until someone got her. There had already been two accidents in the class she sat in on, one resulting in a student's loss of bangs and the other in singed eyebrows. Most of the classes were lectures on theories, Kenna couldn't help but notice that Severus occasionally gave tips that were not written in the book, but some of his students seemed to tune him out.

He had an alluring voice she thought. It was hard not to listen to, and it was scathing and direct when he got angry or annoyed. Which, unfortunately, was often with the students. He was very straightforward and direct. Unlike some of the other teachers, he almost never guided the students, challenging them to use their own minds to figure out what they needed to do.

He didn't seem to ever get annoyed with her though, for which she was grateful.

That afternoon the students in the class quickly filled the seats, setting down their notebooks and pulling their cauldrons out of their bags. They did glance at her, and there were a few waves and whispers, but otherwise, the class voice level remained very low. When the classroom settled and the clock hit the beginning of class, Severus moved to the large table in the front of the room. "You will begin your Polyjuice potions this week. The first section should take 80 minutes of this class, and then it will simmer until Monday. You will be tested at the end of the month on the effectiveness of your potion after you change into your table partner." He was very straight forward with his classroom directions and the students were quick to set to work.

Kenna wasn't totally sure what Polyjuice potion was, and she noted she should find out.

She turned the page of the notebook and dipped her quill. McGonagall had recommended starting with writing, and she was practicing putting her letters together in cursive. The transfiguration Professor and her father both had very pretty handwriting, so she was hoping that hers would look like that one day. To practice, she was taking her favorite sentences from a book she was reading and writing it into a notebook that Dumbledore had pulled out of one of his bottomless drawers.

She slowly looped her way through the word 'thoroughly'. Students moved about, some walking toward the ingredient room and some preparing their caldrons by lighting fires underneath them. The class was very small compared to the other classes she had sit in on. It was also a mix of all students from all of the houses. There couldn't be more than 20 teens shuffling about.

One of the Ravenclaws as the Headgirl. She'd sometimes take Kenna between classes or do things for the professors when they asked. The Prefect and Head Girl / Head Boy situation were interesting to Kenna, and she wondered if Dumbledore would make her one when she got older. Maybe not. She could already hear some of the students talk about favoritism, and she didn't want them to think that she got things just because her dad was the headmaster.

Severus prowled through the classroom, watching the students prepare materials and occasionally offering a comment or two. She could see that most of the kids were quite afraid of him even though he said nothing mean to them directly. She remembered the conversation Minerva had with Dumbledore after they had discussed her schedule. Maybe this is what she meant by the students not liking him.

When he made his way back to the front of the classroom, he glanced down at Kenna's work. She looked up at him and he just nodded to her. "Adequate," He said. She grinned and put her head back down to find the next sentence in the book to write. He didn't give a lot of compliments, but the ones he did give always made her want to work harder.

Severus had very interesting handwriting on his own. He wrote in his textbooks for teaching. She'd seen notes in the margins from where she sat when he glanced down at the book during his instructions or doing his models. He rarely seemed to need it and mostly used it for instruction.

The class period moved at a quick pace. Kenna was able to get caught up in her practice toward perfecting the curly y. The slamming of books was the only thing that caught her attention as students moved out of the classroom. They must have been dismissed without her noticing. She was glad that in this class there had been no accidents or explosions.

As it was a Tuesday afternoon, she would remain in the dungeons with him until dinner. They had built up a routine that seemed to work for them. She would work on her schoolwork until the class finished, and then she would read a book. Sometimes they even chatted silently about what she was reading, or she was able to get a question or two about potions in. Severus would usually finish cleaning and inventorying the storeroom or preparing things for evening detentions. Sometimes he sat at his desk beside her to work on his lesson plans or write out the ingredients he would need for his classes.

Occasionally he would pull out a few ingredients himself to prepare a potion or two by request of the Hospital Wing.

The previous morning Kenna had followed Hagrid around as they collected a basket of potions ingredients and fresh eggs for the kitchens. Severus had been nose deep in a potion when they'd delivered them.

When they sat that afternoon, Kenna watched him writing on a piece of parchment for a few minutes rather than reading her book. He seemed intently focused on what he was working on.

What is it? He asked without looking up at her. One of her favorite things, when she was with him, was that he treated her without the softness others did. He didn't say things in roundabout ways. He asked and said what he meant.

What are you writing?

He paused and glanced up at her. From her angle, she couldn't see many of the words. "I'm writing a submission for a magazine on potions ingredients."

"Why?" Kenna meeped out. Her voice was still soft when she spoke, and multiple people had likened it to a squeak of a mouse. Kenna didn't really like that comparison, but she understood why it was a common conception.

Severus rolled her question around in his mind. She was becoming more and more curious as the days went on. "I research in my spare time. Sharing my findings with the Potioneer community is important so others know better ways to do things."

Kenna turned her head. Was that what you were doing yesterday?

"Yes."

She looked down to her book again. Then back at him. What do you research?

Severus narrowed his eyes down at his parchment. In the final year of the war, he had taken the position of potions master at Hogwarts. Part of his agreements beyond the classroom included maintaining stock for the hospital wing and other professors, and access (within reason) to rarer potion artifacts and ingredients. He used them for showing both his students and for his own potion-making. After their initial discussion of his contract, Dumbledore rarely ever mentioned or asked what he used some ingredients for. In fact, he realized in that moment he rarely spoke to anyone else about how he spent his free time.

Knowing it was a bit beyond her scope of knowledge at age 8, he told her "Ask me again when you are a little older. It is very complicated." Kenna took his response in stride. Considering it and nodding her head.

Some of the teachers or students mentioned that things were complicated or advanced, which Kenna understood to a certain extent what they meant. For a lot of subjects, you needed background knowledge in the subject, and a lot of that is what students learned in class. Since she wasn't officially in the classes, and since she had other things to work on, most of the professors didn't recognize that she practically absorbed the information for the classes she did sit in on.

Only Dumbledore had tested her recall abilities, but never more than a little.

Kenna struggled with her curiosity though. She wanted to be a student. She wanted to understand the context for the courses she could only sit in on once a week. She missed details and obviously wasn't allowed to practice the practical aspects of magic. Not until she had a wand in two to three years.

She craned her neck a little higher to see the words scrawled on the parchment. It looked like a recipe more than anything. Potions reminded her of cooking but more dangerous. She could distinctly remember burning herself on the stovetops in the dark place she'd lived in. She could remember not being able to reach certain shelves and how she had to train herself to take things off them so she could make the meals before she was punished. She remembered not having food ready and the panic at the knowledge that being hurt was imminent.

She remembered the door banging shut.

The yelling.

She could remember falling with a pot and the heat of the boiled water splashing on her.

Her eyes dimmed for a moment, a tightening in her throat growing as she connected the past to the present. The air felt thinner and she wanted to go outside. Outside where it was cold but the sun was probably still up and where the animals were and the sky. The lack of windows weighed on her shoulders and made her eyes water. The darkness of the room made it feel immensely smaller than it had with all the students there.

Severus noted her sudden change, immediately stopping what he was doing and watching her as she opened her mouth, her breaths short and quick.

She was becoming lightheaded.

He was beside her in seconds, pushing her hair out of the way and looking into her eyes trying to find the source of whatever was happening. Her eyes were dilating and her arms shaking. His eyes were serious, but whatever panic he might have felt remained suppressed as he lifted her up.

Kenna buried her head in the crook of his neck as he moved out the dungeons with quick and long strides. Her breaths still quick and the tears beginning to leak. Her fingers gripped onto his cloak. She could feel his heartbeat's distinct increase with her forehead, so she focused on that. The moment Severus stepped onto one of the open halls close to the medical wing she reached out to him.

Can we sit outside? She asked. He almost came to a complete stop, realizing that her breath had regulated in the minutes he'd strode out of the dungeons. She waited in the depths of his mind, outside the barrier he had in place. He adjusted her to give her a closer look over before he agreed and set her down.

Kenna wiped the tears. She didn't like that feeling. She couldn't figure out where it came from or why she felt so much like the world wanted to close in on her so suddenly. Severus led her to a bench and then sat down beside her, watching her closely. He seemed to look at her up and down in a preliminary exam and held one of her hands in his.

The fresh air helped her settle a little more, and she suddenly felt very tired.

"What was the last thing you ate?" Severus asked. She softly sent him her mental picture of lunch. He hummed. "Did you touch any of the potion materials?" She felt her own nose scrunch up. She never touched anything he didn't tell her to touch. She was tired and she wanted to take a nap. She wanted to hug her stuffed cat, the one that had been left in the dungeons.

Severus waited with her for a little bit longer outside, kneeling next to her. A few students passed the two and she could feel their stares as they walked by. Had they passed students on their way here as well? The entire occurrence seemed blurry to her suddenly. What had she been thinking about anyway?

They had to go back and get her stuffed cat. She'd decided. It was almost dinner anyway, and she had a little bit more to read. What page was she on again? 34? Or 43? She would remember in a few minutes.

She slid off the bench and Severus continued to watch her with an ounce of caution. It took her a few seconds to get her legs to fully work for her. The potions professor stopped her from walking by him with a shake of his head. "We need to stop by and have Madam Pomfrey look at you."

Kenna pouted. She was fine now so why did they have to look at her?

Her current guardian was having none of her protests and blocked her way. He put his hands gently on her shoulders and turned her toward the medical wing. Both mentally and physically he nudged her forward a little. She took his hand and he didn't let go.

As they walked in, Madam Pomfrey paused her care of a student to glance at them. She frowned, confused. Severus had Kenna sit down on a bed nearby and closed the distance between him and the medi-witch. Kenna couldn't make out what she told the student, but she also wasn't paying a lot of attention either. Her hands were wet and clammy. She wiped them on her dress.

Within a few moments madam Pomfrey was waving her wand in front of Kenna's face. It glowed a light green color. The woman checked her ears, had her open her mouth and cough. Similar to Severus she seemed a bit bewildered.

"Were you talking about anything beforehand?"

"Potions." Severus monotony said. "It wasn't that far from normal. Her hyperventilating didn't start for a few minutes after."

"Did she eat any potions ingredients?"

"No."

The woman pursed her lips. "Kenna, has this happened before?" The girl shook her head. "Did you do any exercise today?" Kenna nodded her head. That morning she'd gone outside with Dumbledore for a walk. They'd played toss with a quaffle that a kid must have lost. The first quidditch match had been three weeks ago and she'd watched in the teacher's booth.

Between the adults, the questions hung in the air.

"She seems okay now." Pomfrey sighed. "There's not a lot I can do. Let's tell Dumbledore what happened and keep an eye on her. You said she seemed to be okay after eight or so minutes?"

Kenna sat on the edge of her bed, prepared to get up as the grown-ups spoke.

"When we stepped outside, she was ready to be set down. We sat for a few minutes and then she wanted to return for her stuffed animal." The woman nodded at Severus' clarification of the series of events that lead them there. She did one more look over Kenna and had her take a few deep breaths.

"Okay. Kenna?"

Kenna adjusted herself on the table. The look the adults were passing between each other was obvious, but she couldn't exactly make out what they meant.

"If this happens again, you need to tell someone okay?"

She was letting them go. Kenna was grateful she wouldn't have to spend the night in the med offices. There was a lot of light, and they echoed. She liked her room because it was smaller and Fawkes was good at guarding the entrance. Also, Dumbledore was right down the hallway when she was there. Severus nodded toward the door and she jumped off the bed.

A small wave to Madam Pomfrey and they were out and headed back toward the dungeons.

Upon their entrance, she spotted her stuffed animal on the floor and quickly moved over to pick it up, scrambling onto the stool she'd been sitting on earlier and looking down at her book. Severus followed at a more casual rate, still watching her as she settled. It was almost as if nothing had happened in the first place. He lightly probed her mind to try and see if there was anything, he was missing but was deftly caught in the act when she looked up at him.

"Sorry." He offered. She shrugged and went back to her book.

Severus continued to stare at her. The child was a puzzle that the staff was still trying to decipher. Her sudden wave of panic and difficulty breathing had turned the past twenty minutes into some of the longest he'd had in a long time. All he could think about was the idea that something had happened on his watch. Of all the people in the castle, he shouldn't have been surprised. She'd been ordinary beforehand though, which just served to confuse both him and Pomfrey. What had changed?

Their next hour and a half were the same as they usually were that day of the week. The only difference was that Severus found his eyes watching her for any other signs of distress. Instead, all he got was her mouthing words that she read. He could even feel the light frequency of her mind-reading them, almost as though she were trying to make her stuffed cat understand.

It was only when the clock rang that she looked back up at him. Her big eyes full of curiosity, almost as though they had forgotten the entire thing from earlier. Whatever that thing was that caused her to lose her breath. Severus nodded toward the door and she pushed her things into the small backpack she carried around and slid off the chair onto the floor. She gently held onto his robes as they made their way up the stairs to the dining hall.

Dumbledore was waiting for them at the head table, and his eyes immediately contacted them as they came through the side door, looking both of them overhead to toe. Kenna shot forward to her chair and immediately began to tell him what she had learned that day. Severus mentally told Dumbledore the other part of the story that she deliberately skipped.

The Headmaster took both stories in stride, nodding his thanks to the youngest professor at the table as he took a seat. If anyone was going to get more out of the child it would be her father, and it probably wasn't wise to have a conversation like that in the great hall.

Kenna was happy that Dumbledore didn't bring anything up either, though she knew he was watching her eat a little more carefully than he normally did. He also smoothed her hair down two or three times more than he usually did, and his conversations with the other professors were shorter. The moment she had finished he turned to her and asked if she was ready to start her bedtime routine.

It wasn't until they were both upstairs, a game of chess had been played, and Kenna was tucked in bed before Dumbledore asked her the question he'd been holding onto since Severus and Poppy both spoke to him.

"Kenna, Severus told me he had to take you to the Medical wing." He started cautiously. Kenna looked down at her cat and shrugged. "Were you feeling sick?" He didn't want to force the answer out of her, but he was hoping to goad her into telling him.

She shook her head.

"What do you think it was? Do you remember?"

There was a pause before she spoke. The Air wasn't working. Dumbledore deliberated over her answer.

"The air in the Dungeons?"

Kenna shook her head shrugged again. I thought of bad things and the air wasn't coming in. Then we went outside and it was okay. He knew she was coming clean but there were still a dozen questions he wanted to ask about what exactly, she meant. While she had been with him months at this point, she very rarely spoke or told him about any of the days before she'd been picked up by him. Her past was dark. She seemed to focus on not thinking about it, she kept a distance from any questions that were asked and her occasional nightmare usually ended up with her making her way to the office.

It had taken him a bit of time to realize that she didn't sleep after she'd been woken up in the night. She was quiet when she left her room and he tended to find her at the break of dawn petting Fawks or sitting at the window with a book. She didn't seem to toss and turn when she slept either, instead, she would curl up into a small ball.

He considered her trauma and the concept of 'bad things'. He wanted to know if there were any triggers, but he could already see her bristling at the thought of continuing the discussion. She buried her face into the pillow and squeezed her stuffed cat a little tighter.

"You know, there is nothing to be afraid of here. The staff, Severus, and I all want you to feel safe, and if there's anything you want to talk about we are all here and ready to listen to you." Kenna peaked an eye out and nodded her head.

There wasn't much more Dumbledore could do after that but also nod his head and pat her shoulder softly. "Goodnight" He placed a kiss on her forehead and moved out of the room. He paused in the doorway to watch her eyes on him. She didn't appear to have any words to say, but he could see her thinking face. He gave her a soft smile, hoping that when she was ready she felt comfortable enough to bring up what she was thinking to him. From the small glances, he had gotten her mind was a maze of information, an intricate map of the things she's learned and so much more interconnected visually than any other person's mind he'd seen.

However, with the advancement in interconnectivity, she also had forged the ability to wall up any part of her that was unsure. Any memory that scared her and most of those from her early years were locked back in the depths, not close enough to even get a glance at and not close enough for her to even consider. It made him wonder. To what extent could her mind repress things, and to what extent did her brain and body remember the trauma she'd endured?

Still, a box of mystery Dumbledore grabbed a piece of parchment and a pen.

Perspective, there was nothing more important. He was not a medical professional- the least he could do was ask one.

A/N: IVE RETURNED. No longer in the middle of nowhere Asia, I was evacuated because of the virus and have been spending most of my time getting a job, apartment, and settling back into American life (as much as we can with the pandemic only increasing in severity). Thanks for your patience and I'm going to try and get back into writing/updating. Still looking for a Beta if anyone is interested 3

Lots of Love!