Tonight's Plan to End Bart Simpson's Life
I. Swim to the Simpsons' boat and climb aboard under the cover of darkness.
II. Cut the mooring line and restrain family and pets.
III. Surprise boy in bed and gut him.
Sideshow Bob considered this a perfect plan, and he felt especially proud of how basic it was. It wouldn't get him into trouble like his last two plans, which had been slightly more elaborate. He couldn't resist a maniacal laugh as he anticipated the terror on little Bart's normally smug face.
Bob felt lucky that he'd received good marks in swimming during high school P.E. class, and that he didn't need to swim far to reach the houseboat. However, Bob wished he'd thought to bring a hairnet or a bathing cap, as his hair became quite heavy and droopy when it was waterlogged. By the time Bob climbed up onto the boat, he had to do so almost blindly, as his wet hair now sagged down to his feet. Bob had to shake himself dry like a dog, and was glad none of his childhood bullies or prison friends were here to witness that. Bob was also glad that no-one he knew was here to see him step on yet another rake, and wondered why anyone would keep a rake when they didn't have a garden.
Little issues like this didn't matter, not when Bob was so close to achieving his longtime goal. He swiftly cut the mooring line with his machete and went off to tie up the other Simpsons, imagining the way Bart would scream when the boy realized he had no escape and nobody to help him.