Last Time in Damaged, Broken, and Unhinged:
Her eyes widen. "He must love you a lot."
Slumping against the counter, I look at my little sister helplessly. "I think he does, Prim. I think he does."
"Well, what are you gonna do?"
I shake my head. "I don't know."
oOo
Damaged, Broken, and Unhinged
by RoseFyre & FanficAllergy
oOo
Chapter Three: The Sum of Small Efforts
oOo
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out."
― Robert Collier
oOo
I wake up two days later with cramps.
Relief floods through me; I stifle the urge to giggle like a child. I'm not pregnant! Even though Cray used protection, it still didn't mean I was safe. But now I am, even if it means a few days of pain. At least this pain I can do something about. Wrapping my arms around my body, I slip out of bed to make myself some willow bark tea.
While the water heats, I can't stop myself from thinking about how happy I am that my desperate gambit didn't leave me with an even bigger problem. I want to have children someday, but with somebody I care about. Not a Peacekeeper's baby. And definitely not now, not when I'm already struggling to feed my family. A baby would be an extra burden I'm not sure I could bear.
Unfortunately, there's a downside to getting my period: I need supplies. We've been using our wool to help keep my mother clean while she's incapacitated and there's not enough for the both of us. I guess this means a trip to the Hob is in order.
Skipping breakfast because of the cramps, I ask Prim to look after our mother and Aven.
"Of course I will!" she agrees quickly. Too quickly.
Thinking about her disappearing act yesterday, I raise my eyebrow at her. "I mean it, Prim. I need you to look after them. I shouldn't be gone too long, and if you bring Aven to Hazelle again, she's going to wonder why." My eyes bore into hers. "We can't let anyone find out about Mom."
Prim makes a face, but doesn't argue. My point's been made.
Even though it's the middle of winter, the Hob is bustling with activity. Haymitch Abernathy is at Ripper's stall, as usual. Merchants of all kinds are hawking their wares. I even spot my ex-boyfriend, Gale, making the rounds. I wonder if he's selling anything. I know that he, like me, often hunts on the other side of the fence. It was one of the few things we had in common.
He might've been a good hunting partner, but he was a lousy boyfriend. Dating him was a mistake. A stupid, ill-thought out mistake.
I wish we'd ended on good enough terms so that he could still be my hunting partner, but we didn't. Gale hasn't quite forgiven me for "stealing" - his words - his best friend. It's not my fault Thom liked me better, or that he took my side when Gale was pressuring me for sex. It was Thom's choice to back me, one I'm thankful for. I'm not really good at friends, so I'm grateful for the one I have.
Speaking of Thom, I notice he's working at his family's stall. The Lindens are one of the main secondhand goods dealers in Twelve, and everyone knows they give the best deals and have the best quality. It also helps that they tend to give me a discount on items because of my friendship with their son. I make my way over to him. Despite our lack of food, Aven's growing like a weed, and he's going to need new shoes soon. Might as well see if there's any available.
"Katniss!" Thom greets me happily. "So how are you doing?" His voice drops so only I can hear. "How's your mom?"
"No change."
Thom is one of the few people who's actually aware of my mother's condition. He knows how hard we've had it. He's the one who went with me the first time I had to sign up for tesserae. He helped me carry the grain and oil home and comforted me while I cried afterwards even though he's got more slips in the bowl than I ever will. He's a good friend.
Too bad he's scared of the woods.
If I could merge him and Gale together, the resulting person would be perfect.
I glance at his wares, noting that the only shoes available are adult-sized miner's boots. Another time, then. I ask Thom to keep an eye out for shoes Aven's size before turning to the stall next to him.
The Goat Man is a fixture in Twelve, trading with merchant and Seam alike. No one knows what his real name is, or if he's merchant or Seam. His skin's too worn and weathered to tell, and his eyes are glazed over with cataracts. But he's still sharp.
"What can I do for you today?" he asks, blinking his rheumy eyes at me.
I point to one of his bags of wool. It's softer than the lambswool some of the other traders sell, and it lasts longer.
He nods his head and quotes a price.
I haggle with him for a bit before shaking his hand. "I'm also interested in trading for milk," I add, thinking about Aven and his growth spurt. "A pint a day."
"That ain't cheap. It'll cost ya."
"I can give you a full portion of tesserae oil," I offer. While I use the oil for lighting and cooking, there's always some left over, and you can't eat straight oil. You get sick.
I know. I've tried.
The old man shakes his head. "One portion of oil, two of grain."
"For a pint of milk a day? You're out of your mind!" The offer's outrageous, but it's supposed to be. Bargaining is a necessary skill in Twelve. Almost as popular a spectator sport here as the Games are in the Capitol. Crossing my arms over my chest, I prepare my counter offer. "One portion of oil and a quarter of a portion of grain."
We haggle back and forth before finally settling on one full tesserae portion for the milk. It's a little steeper than I'd like. If it weren't for Peeta and his tesserae, I wouldn't even be considering doing this. But Aven needs milk. And frankly, so does Prim. So it's worth it.
We make arrangements to exchange goods the next day, and that either myself or Prim can pick up the milk each day. I wish, once again, that my parents had had the foresight to get a goat.
I'm about to leave the Hob when I see Sae motioning at me frantically. The old woman's a fixture in Twelve, and she's got her usual array of Peacekeeper clients. I see one of the younger and friendlier Peacekeepers, Darius, seated at her stall, along with a couple of others I don't recognize.
Glancing at them warily, I ask, "Is there something you wanted, Sae?"
"I was just seein' how you were doin', girl." Her eyes flick from her stew pot to the Peacekeepers. "Things have been mighty lean recently. I don't know if any pests have done died in your garden that you might be willing to part with."
Ah. So she wants to trade. Her supply of meat must be drying up, and Peacekeepers prefer to eat at her stall than in their barracks. I'm guessing the food tastes better.
I shake my head. "Nothing right now, but if I manage to catch something, I'll keep you in mind." I mean it too. Sae'll take pretty much anything and she's a good ally to have here at the Hob.
"You do that, dearie." She spoons out a small bowl and hands it to me. "Your pa was one of my best sources. I'd like to keep up the tradition."
I take the bowl gratefully, wolfing it down. It's mostly broth, but it's hot and satisfying. I'm almost finished with my soup when a throat clears beside me. A chill of fear trickles down my spine. Lifting my eyes from my meal, I turn to meet a pair of startling sea green ones.
I blink. I didn't know Peacekeepers had eyes that color. I wonder if they're real.
Unaware of my internal monologue, Darius smiles at me. "I like your braid today."
"Uh. Thanks?" What am I supposed to say? To cover my embarrassment, I lift the bowl to my lips, sucking down the dregs.
"You're welcome." The red-haired man's voice is warm but tinged with some other emotion I can't quite identify. I think it might be nervousness, but I have to be wrong. Why would a Peacekeeper be nervous? Darius glances over his shoulder at his comrades. "Why don't you come sit with us, have a bowl of stew?"
"I'm already done," I tell him. "Thank you."
His smile falters. "Maybe next time." He almost sounds disappointed.
Not wanting to run into another awkward situation, I take my leave. The last thing I want to do is run into Cray.
When I get home, Prim's still there, much to my relief, although I can tell she's itching to go out.
"Stay away from the fence, Prim," I warn. "We don't need you getting hurt either."
"I'll be fine," she snaps. "I'm not a baby. I can help too."
I gather my little sister into my arms. "I know you can, Prim. I know you can."
oOo
It's a good thing we have Peeta's tesserae, as well as the supplies Cray's money purchased, because the following day, the heavens open up and blanket Twelve in several feet of snow. Any hope Prim or I had of catching any game is quickly quashed. Neither of us will be able to get under the fence. The snow is up to my thighs, and the Peacekeepers even hire several local youths to help clear the streets and paths of Twelve. Gale and Thom manage to cajole their way onto the team. I try too, but get passed over as not being strong enough.
We could've used the money. Supplies are still tight. Prim and I do our best to stretch what we have, spending most of our confinement grinding the tesserae grain into a type of coarse flour. It's monotonous work. Our shoulders ache from the task. But at least this way, we don't have to eat the tasteless brown mush.
On the Sunday before school reopens, there's a knock at our door. I open it to see Peeta, snowflakes dangling from his eyelashes, waiting on the other side.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, motioning for him to come in. "The weather's too bad to go hunting."
"I know." Peeta stomps his boots on the floor to get the snow off. "Can't a friend come over and visit?"
"We're friends?"
"Well, not yet, I suppose. But I'd like to be."
"I suppose." I play with the end of my braid, thinking of our almost empty cupboards. "I can't really offer you much of anything."
He shrugs. "That's okay. I grabbed some of my mom's old tea. She won't even notice it's missing. She says it smells like old feet, but it was a gift from Mrs. Undersee, so she won't throw it out."
"Won't your mom be upset to know you're seeing a Seam girl?"
"She doesn't know. And Sundays are my day off from the shop, and I don't really have any friends."
"What about all those people that sit with you at lunch during school?" His table's always full of kids laughing and talking, while Thom and I eat our lunches under one of the trees, usually without much talking. I like the quiet most of the time, but there's a tiny part of me that's jealous of everyone who makes friends so much more easily than I do.
Peeta shakes his head. "They're not my friends. Okay, well, Delly is," he corrects before I can say anything. "But Delly's everyone's friend. I think she'd befriend President Snow if she could."
The thought of the shoemaker's cheerful daughter cozying up to the reptilian looking President of Panem brings a burble of laughter to my lips. She'd probably give the old man a hug and compliment the ever-present rose in his lapel. The girl's outgoing like that.
He beams at me. "See? I made you laugh. We're totally friends!"
"Fine. We're friends."
"Great! I brought lunch." He holds out a paper bag. "And before you say no, 'cause I know you're gonna say no, I'm eating it too. And it's okay for friends to share their lunch with each other. I mean, I swear Madge shares Johnny's lunch all the time."
"But aren't they dating?"
Peeta blushes. "They're kind of betrothed."
"But Madge is our age." I immediately want to take back the words. I know it can happen. I even know of people who've gotten married that young, mostly merchants who've gotten pregnant or Community Home kids looking to escape. I considered it, but I don't know of anyone who'd be willing, let alone able, to take on four more mouths to feed.
"Yeah… They've already signed the paperwork." Peeta's voice sounds envious. "As soon as Johnny has his last Reaping, he's going to be moving in with them."
I chalk the envy up to his middle brother getting away from his mother. But then another thought crosses my mind. His oldest brother is married to the Apothecary's only daughter, and they're the heirs apparent to that business. If Johnny's moving in with Madge… "So who gets the bakery?"
Peeta rubs the back of his neck. "Me."
The bakery's one of the most important businesses in District Twelve. That means Peeta's as good as royalty.
So what is he doing hanging out with a peasant like me?
oOo
School resumes the following day. It's as pointless as it always is.
I spend most of it staring out the window or, when I think no one's looking, watching Peeta Mellark. I never really gave him much thought, and now I'm trying to figure him out. I know he says he cares for me. That he has a crush on me. But I still can't quite understand it.
At lunch, Thom joins me, setting down his simple sandwich of seared meat and tesserae bread. "What're you staring at, Katniss?" he asks, following where my eyes are looking. "Something interesting going on at the baker boys' table?"
Guiltily, I turn my eyes away. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You were watching them pretty closely. You got a crush on one of them?" He frowns. "Have they been harassing you?"
I shake my head. "No, nothing like that. It's just… I was just staring, okay?"
He nods, taking a seat across from me. "So. Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong."
"Now I know that's a lie. You've got shadows under your eyes, like you've not been sleeping."
I lower my voice. "I went to Cray."
To his credit, Thom doesn't say anything, just extending his hand out to enfold one of mine and give it a warm squeeze. He knows what it's like. His sister was one of Cray's regulars before she got married. She even had to see my mother a couple of times when she got in trouble. He and his sister have always been close. I think that's one of the reasons why Thom sided with me against Gale.
I'm distracted from my thoughts when a cheerful female voice says, "Mind if we sit here?"
I look up to see Delly Cartwright smiling at us brightly.
"Peeta suggested we come over here and give Madge and Johnny a little bit of private space." She looks like she wants to coo over the lovebirds. "They're so sweet together, you know."
Thom looks at me and back up at her. "Sure, I suppose. Take a seat."
"Thanks! I'm Delly, by the way," she says, holding her hand out.
"Thom. Thom Linden."
"You're on the wrestling team, right? And the track team."
I feel someone sit down next to me. I look over to see Peeta smiling at the two of them indulgently.
"You don't need to sit with me," I whisper to him.
"It was Delly's idea."
I give him a look. "I'm sure you hinted at it."
He shrugs, refusing to confirm or deny my accusation. "Muffin?" he offers, holding out a piece of his lunch.
"Fine."
The two of us sit in friendly silence while Delly babbles at Thom. I admit, it's kind of nice.
I could get used to this.
oOo
I'm putting away my tesserae rations for the month when there's a knock at my door. It's probably Hazelle with Aven. I asked her to keep him a little longer than normal today so I could get everything from the Justice Building without having him underfoot.
I have no idea where Prim is. I hope she's hanging out with friends rather than attempting to find food in the woods, but I know, if I were in her shoes, I'd probably be struggling to find some way to feed my family. She's still too young to take out tesserae and I'm doing my best to make sure she never will. But she wants, needs, to contribute. I understand the desire.
Not bothering to turn from my task, I call out, "Come in!"
The door opens and a male voice says, "I think I heard a 'come in'?"
I whirl around. "Peeta! What are you doing here?"
"I take it I'm not the person you were expecting."
"No, you're not."
He ducks his head. "I'm sorry. If this is a bad time, I can go."
"No, that's not it," I hasten to reassure him. "What are you doing here?"
"I was wondering if we could do homework together?"
I stare at him in shock. "Homework?"
"Yeah. You know, that stuff they assign at school that you turn in?"
"I haven't done homework in years," I tell him.
His shoulders slump. "Oh. I guess I'm just dumb then." He looks up at me, a hopeful smile on his face. "Well, maybe you can help me."
I shake my head. "That's not what I meant, Peeta. School just seems sort of… pointless. Especially for someone like me. I mean, it's not like you need an education to get a job in the mines. All you need is a healthy set of lungs and a strong back and you're pretty much a shoo-in."
"I mean I guess you're right," he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. "But don't you want something better?"
I shrug. "Sure, but what? It's not like there's opportunities growing on trees here in Twelve. I mean, you're either a miner or a merchant. Those are pretty much the options."
Peeta glances down at his feet. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I - I should go."
I feel bad, like I've destroyed his dreams somehow. "I mean, I suppose it wouldn't hurt, doing homework. It's not like I can go hunting, right?"
He gives me a half-hearted smile. "Right."
"Why don't you sit down? I'll make us some tea."
The smile widens, becomes real. "I'd like that."
oOo
AN:
Written: 11/12/15
Revised: 5/19/16
Revised 2: 6/2/16
Betaread by: Amy & amelinazenitram
This chapter sets up a day in the life of Twelve, bringing you up to speed on many of the differences. Some of them are readily apparent. Some aren't. Also, all of the major players have been introduced, or at least mentioned. Now it's just a matter of tracking their movements across the board.
Katniss is both the same and different from canon. Losing her father later has affected her worldview. She dated prior to her father's death and not just Gale. She has a different idea of what life can be like. Children were wanted and loved in her household and she saw how happy having children made her parents. She's also colored by the fact that her father's life was extended by having kids. She knows what could have happened on that day and so she sees things differently. She's still wary. She's still in de-Nile-land. She's still stand-offish. But she's more open to some experiences. At least right now… Dun-Dun-Dun!
Things We Randomized:
- If Prim got over the fence and what, if anything, she caught/found (in this chapter, the answer to those questions was "no" and "nothing")
Thanks for reading! Let us know what you think!