Last Time in Damaged, Broken, and Unhinged:

He looks at me. I'm not sure if he's trying to read my mind, but it feels like he is. After a moment, his eyes flick around the room, pausing on Aven's carved bear. He looks at me again and slowly nods. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Thank you. You're already doing enough."

The words come out harsher than I want. But for some reason, I don't do anything to soften them.

Prim's not the only one who's becoming hard.

I am too.

oOo

Damaged, Broken, and Unhinged
by RoseFyre & FanficAllergy

oOo

Chapter Ten: Unity is Strength

oOo

"Unity is strength... when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved."
― Mattie Stepanek

oOo

Prim buys my excuse that Darius paid for the windows. Her trust is bolstered when he hires the Capitol-approved carpenter to install them. Darius even gives us several bayberry-scented candles to help deal with the lingering smell of ammonia and urea. He told me he wouldn't test the samples he took, and I want to believe him, but each time he glances at Prim's or my fingers, his sea green eyes grow stormy.

After the attack, school becomes painfully uncomfortable. Most of the Merchants already gave me a wide berth, but seeing distaste and antipathy on Seam faces is a new experience. I'm even more thankful for Thom's friendship. I hope his association with me doesn't hurt his family's business. It could. If it did, Thom might be forced to cut ties with me to keep them safe. And I wouldn't blame him one bit.

Delly's as cheerful as ever, sympathizing at my family's predicament and continually offering to help in whatever way she can. From casseroles to curtains, she's offered pretty much everything. Every day she drops by my house with something, and every day I turn her down. I already owe enough people. I don't need to owe more.

She makes a little moue of distaste when she brings it up over lunch. "But we're friends! Friends help each other! Why, I'm sure you'd help me if the same thing had happened!"

"I'd help where I could," I hedge. I do consider Delly a friend. But friendship in the Seam is different than it is in town. I'm not sure she gets that. "It's just… I don't have very much."

"You think we do?" Her voice is unexpectedly hard. "My parents have six kids. And…" her voice drops, "I know what you're going through. And I wanna help."

I frown at her. "What do you mean?"

She leans in closer and lowers her voice even further, until I have to move toward her to hear what she's saying. "What do you know about my family?"

The question surprises me. What do I know? I know her parents are the local shoemakers. Both of them are Merchants. Apparently they have a large family. And they make enough so Delly can be pudgy. "Not much," I admit. "I don't even know their names. I never really paid attention to Merchants." Now that I say it, I realize how bad it sounds. I wince. "I'm sorry."

Delly nods, like it's the answer she expected. "My ma was in the Community Home," she says, her voice becoming uncharacteristically serious. "My grandparents died of the measles when she was nine. She spent her whole life there. That's all she ever knew. But the day after her last Reaping, she was kicked out, with nary a 'fair thee well.' She was eighteen."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault, you didn't do it." She shrugs. "It's nobody's fault. It's just the way the system works. But the odds weren't in her favor. She had no place to go, nowhere to live, and no job. No Merchant would hire her because she didn't have any skills, not even as a cashier. The mines wouldn't even take her, said she wasn't strong enough."

I wince, but I sense Delly isn't finished with her story.

"My ma told me she had to do a lot of things she never wanted us kids to do to put food in her belly, even moved in with a Peacekeeper for a few years." She pauses, glancing around. Her voice drops to almost a whisper. "My oldest brother is a Peacekeeper's son. It's why Allen's got red hair." She brightens, pulling away. "My ma got lucky when she met my pa. It was love at first sight, he told his parents he wouldn't marry anyone else but her. It was quite the scandal back in their day. If your mom and dad hadn't come along right after it, why, it'd still be the talk of the town! After the Peacekeeper left, Pa adopted Allen as his own, raised him up since he was barely knee-high." Her eyes hold mine. "So I guess I'm just saying I understand. No, that's not the right word. I don't know what the right word, but I get that you do what you need to do in order to survive." She smirks. "Everyone in Twelve should know that. Just because they haven't become desperate enough to think outside the box doesn't mean they get to judge you because you have." Her face spreads into a wide grin. "I really admire you, y'know."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Peeta's told me all about you, but now that I've gotten to know you, I can see what he sees in you." She reaches out and gives me a quick hug. "I'm glad you're my friend."

I stare at her, speechless. She thinks I'm special? She's happy to be my friend? I don't think I'll ever understand Delly. "T-thank you," I stammer out, dropping my eyes to my hands.

And then what she just told me sinks in. Her mother, a Merchant, was the mistress of a Peacekeeper. Her mother did the very thing Darius is proposing I do. And, as far as I'm aware, no one treats Mrs. Cartwright with disdain. She's the shoemaker's wife, a little round woman with a big smile who no one says anything bad about.

Maybe some of my worries about taking up with Darius are unfounded. Delly's brother doesn't suffer the stigma of being a Peacekeeper's child. He's just another Cartwright. Mrs. Cartwright was able to fall in love and get married after her arrangement ended. Maybe I could too.

But that doesn't solve my other problem. I still don't know if I can ever be with a Peacekeeper after what happened with Donaldson.

I look up from my lap to see Peeta regarding me with an expression of concern mixed with curiosity. But he doesn't ask what I'm thinking. Instead, he changes the subject to the improved weather, and the rest of lunch passes peacefully.

That afternoon, Delly walks home with me. It's Prim's turn to pick up Aven after she spends a few hours out in the woods. I've given up trying to keep my sister from going under the fence. It's not worth the fight.

"Did you really mean what you said?" I ask, pouring the Merchant girl a cup of tea.

She wraps her hands around the mug. "That I admire you?"

I nod.

"Yeah. I do. I don't know how you do it, Katniss. Going out past the fence, taking care of your family after your dad died? It's just… you're really strong." She shakes her head. "I don't think I could be that strong."

I pick up my own mug and sit down next to her. "I'm not strong, I just do what I have to do to take care of my family."

Delly sips her tea. "I think you are. So, have you started work on that essay?" she changes the subject.

I just tilt my head and stare at her. What is it with her and that stupid essay? "It's kind of been a low priority," I say instead of what I'm thinking. There's no need to be rude. "I'm not really interested in a trip to the Capitol. I don't think I could leave my family, you know?"

"Oh." Her face falls. "I hadn't thought about that. I am so sorry! I'm being so insensitive! Here I am, babbling away about how I could see the Capitol, and travel, and you're stuck." She places her hand on mine. "Please forgive me? I didn't mean it."

Once again, I'm rendered speechless by the blond girl. Nobody can be this nice. Yet somehow Delly is. I don't sense any insincerity in her.

I nod. I don't think she has anything to apologize for, but if she thinks she needs my forgiveness, she's welcome to it.

"So," she looks around my house, "you want to play a game?"

"I don't really play games." Passing time in school doesn't count. Besides, playing tic-tac-toe during the assembly was Peeta's idea.

She stares at me like I've grown two heads. "Why not? I mean, don't you play games with your little brother and sister?"

"Sure, but those are kid games."

"What do you do with Thom?"

"Talk, mostly." I shrug, sipping my tea. "I show him how to hunt and he shows me how to repair furniture."

Delly frowns. "That doesn't sound like fun at all."

I shrug again. What am I supposed to say? She's right. It isn't fun. But fun doesn't keep my family fed or a roof over our heads. I turn the tables on her. "What do you and Peeta do for fun?"

"Well, when we were little, we used to play house all the time. And he was the only one of my playmates who wouldn't tear the heads off my paper dolls."

"And now?"

"Mostly we play cards or board games."

"I don't have any of those." We've never had them. They're luxuries.

Delly roots around in her schoolbag, pulling out a small box that rattles. "I do!" She opens it to reveal a folded-up checkered board, several small figurines, and a few brightly colored rocks. "It's called chess. My ma taught me. She used to play it all the time with, well, you know," she says, clearly referring to the Peacekeeper. "But she liked the game, so she taught the whole family." She sets the pieces up along either side of the board. "Sorry about the rocks, but a few of the pawns have gone missing. My baby brother swallowed one last week."

I wince. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, but no one wanted to go through his diaper to retrieve it."

I can't blame them. I've changed enough diapers that I wouldn't want to go through one either.

Delly tilts her head. "Do you want me to teach you how to play?"

"Sure."

"Great!" Delly finishes her tea, then looks at me. "But I want something in return."

My eyes narrow. "What?"

She twiddles her fingers a little before looking up at me. "I want you to tell me about Thom. I really really like him. And…" She picks at her fingernail. "I think he might be the one."

It's a bargain I'm willing to take. "I'm not going to tell you anything too personal," I warn. I like Delly, but my loyalty is with Thom.

"That's okay. Anything is good. And I can tell you about Peeta if you want. I mean, the chess was sort of my idea. You don't owe me for it. But we can share stories."

I think about the baker, who still manages to confuse me, and nod. "Sounds like a deal."

oOo

The days settle into a sameness. Now that the snow's starting to melt, Prim and I set out more and more snares in the woods. We don't catch much, but it's enough to keep us going. Darius stops by almost daily, bringing little gifts, mostly food and other small, almost inconsequential things. A bookmark. A ribbon. A pair of gloves. Nothing I feel I have to say no to.

But at the end of the week, he gives me something which makes me pause. A string of beads with a maroon and white seashell dangling in the center. I stare at him in shock. We don't have shells like this in Twelve. And from what little I know about Two, I suspect they don't have shorelines there either. This has to be something from District Four. From his home. Something he's managed to keep with him all of these years.

This isn't a little gift.

I try to hand it back to him. "Darius, I can't accept this. It's too much. It's too personal."

"I want you to have it." He keeps his eyes on mine, folding my hand over the necklace. "It was my mom's, and after she died, I wore it all the time."

"They let you keep it?" The question spills out before I can think.

"What do you think they do? Strip everything away from you that makes you an individual?"

I nod.

He smiles wryly. "You're not too far off. They take away pretty much everything, but they let you keep one thing. And then the trainers use it as incentive. If you do a good job and make the Capitol proud, you get to keep your token. For most of us, it was a stuffed animal or a picture of our family. But for me it was this." He touches one dangling glass bead with the tip of his finger. "I'd be honored if you'd wear it."

I open my hand and stare at the necklace.

"Please, Katniss. I'm not asking you to make up your mind right now, but I'd like you to have it."

It means so much to him that I feel like I have no choice but to say yes. So I do.

His eyes crinkle at the corners as a wide grin spreads across his face. "Thank you. Can I…" He motions to my neck.

I nod.

He drapes the necklace around my neck, fastening it behind me. Then he moves to my front to survey his handiwork. His eyes sweep over my body, lingering at the hollow of my throat, where the calico-patterned seashell lies. "It looks beautiful. You're beautiful," he stammers out. "It's like it was made special, just for you."

"Thank you," I murmur, not really sure what to say. His words make me feel uncomfortable. I like Darius, but I don't know what to make of the depth of his feelings toward me. I don't feel the same way toward him.

"Can we… can I kiss you again?" he asks, reaching out to trace a finger along the string of beads hanging around my neck.

I nod, not really trusting myself to speak.

His fingers slide up my neck to cup my chin and he bends down to capture my lips with his. As before, the kiss is soft, gentle.

I let myself be drawn into it, revelling in the taste and sense of him. I deliberately refuse to let my mind wander. I don't want what happened last time to happen again.

After a few seconds, Darius pulls away, a bright smile shining on his face. "Thank you. That was perfect. You're perfect."

I duck my head and smile, not willing to meet his eyes. I'm miles away from perfect. But what good would it do to contradict him?

oOo

As soon as Darius leaves, I remove the necklace. I tell myself it's because I don't want to lose it, that I don't want anything happen to it. But in reality, I know it's because I'm uncomfortable wearing it. It doesn't feel right. I don't want to wear his mother's necklace. In fact, I'd like to avoid wearing it at all. But I can't let him know that. I'll have to remember to wear high-necked shirts from now on or, if I know I'm seeing Darius, put it back on.

That night, I sleep fitfully. I haven't really slept well since the attack, my ears constantly straining for any out of place sound. Oddly enough, I tend to sleep the deepest once I hear the rest of the Seam awaken. Knowing the miners are heading off to work, that, if anything were to happen, there'd be witnesses, possibly ones who wouldn't hold their tongues, allows me to get at least a little sleep.

I still have no idea who might've perpetrated the attack. The only thing I know for sure is it's not someone from the Capitol. They have other ways, worse ways, of making my life hell. They don't need to drunkenly throw urine-filled bottles through my window. I can't see Thom or Delly or Peeta carrying it out either. But that still leaves the majority of Twelve as potential suspects.

By the time I rouse myself from my bed, it's mid-morning. I should have been up earlier to take advantage of it being a weekend, but my body had other plans. From out in the main room, I hear the sound of Aven humming the Valley Song. He must be playing. I long for the days when I could play innocently without a care in the world. I want to keep that for him for as long as I can. I'm too late to save Prim's childhood, but Aven has a chance.

Leaving Darius's necklace on the bedside table, I get dressed. The house is cold, but I don't want to spend what little money we have left buying still more coal. We'll have to make do with what we've got until things get better.

My eyes flick to my mother. She's curled up on one side, facing the window. I can't tell if she's asleep or awake. I'm not sure if it matters anymore.

I head out into the main room, seeking breakfast. My mouth salivates at the thought of scrambled egg soup. I wonder if Prim's gathered the egg yet.

When I enter the room, I spot Aven in his favorite play spot underneath the kitchen table. Next to him are rag dolls and carved animals. He's content, but I'm not. Prim's nowhere to be seen. I frown. Surely she didn't leave to go hunting without telling me. Aven's too young to be left without actual supervision. My annoyance grows as I put on the kettle for tea and Prim still hasn't made an appearance.

"Aven?" I ask, turning to my little brother. "Do you know where Prim is?"

"She went potty," he answers without looking up.

"How long has she been gone?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. She sick?"

A little pit of concern worms its way through the annoyance. "Why do you think she's sick?"

My little brother looks up and I'm struck by just how much he looks like my father, only with blond hair.

"'Cause she was cryin' and holdin' her tummy."

The concern swells, overwhelming everything else. "Think you can be a good boy while I go and check on her?"

Aven nods. "I'll stay here." He points at the kitten, curled up on the softest chair. "Buttercup will watch me."

Buttercup meows once, as if in agreement.

I don't wait any longer. Grabbing my shawl from the hook by the back door, I go out back to the outhouse. I note that there are fresh boot prints heading in that direction. So Aven was right. My sister did come out here. I knock on the outhouse door. "Prim? You in there?"

"Go away."

That answers my question. "You okay?"

"What part of 'go away' do you not understand?" She sounds like she's been crying.

Rather than stand in the snow and argue, I open the outhouse door.

My sister is seated on the bench, her knees drawn up to her chest. Red tear streaks stain her cheeks.

"What's wrong, little duck?" I sit down next to her, putting an arm around her thin shoulders.

Prim buries her head against my shoulder and mumbles something, the words lost in the wool of my shawl.

"Can you repeat that?"

She moves away but still doesn't look at me. "I'm not like you."

I'm confused. Of course Prim isn't just like me, that goes without saying. The real question is why would she want to be? "Okay?"

"I'm not strong. I try to be, but I'm not."

"What's this all about?"

Prim lets out a shuddering breath. "I went to the Justice Building this morning."

My heart sinks. She went to take out tesserae. My little sister took out tesserae. I want to cry. "Oh, Prim…"

"No! I couldn't do it!" She finally looks at me as she clutches her knees tighter. "I wanted to do it. I needed to do it. Everything's been going wrong, even with Peeta's tesserae! I can't sit here and watch you kill yourself one inch at a time and do nothing."

"Prim, please tell me you didn't take out tesserae." I want to believe her, but after everything else that's gone wrong, I can't. There's a lump in my stomach that keeps getting bigger and bigger. If Prim actually took out tesserae, I feel like it will swallow me up.

She shakes her head. "Didn't you hear what I said? I couldn't!"

The lump shrinks. "Good!"

"No!"

Seeing that I'm getting nowhere, I change tack. "So why couldn't you take out tesserae?"

Prim looks at the floor. "I was scared. I don't want to die, Katniss."

I understand what she's saying. Taking out tesserae means you're more likely to get Reaped. It's why Seam kids end up in the Games more often than Merchant ones. The odds aren't in their favor. I lean in closer to her. "Can I let you in on a secret?"

She nods.

"When I went to the Justice Building that first time, my knees were shaking and my heart was pounding. I was so scared. I did it for you and Aven and Mom and Dad. But you want to know one other reason why I did it?"

She bites her lip. "So me and Aven wouldn't have to?"

"That's right." I put my arm around Prim again, pulling her closer to me. "I don't ever want you to take out tesserae. Ever. And I will do anything, and I mean anything, to make sure you won't have to."

"How can you be so strong?" Her tears start back up again.

"You and Aven make me strong."

Prim looks up at me, her eyes glistening. "But why can't I be more like you?"

"Because you're you, and I'm me." I look around, realizing we're still sitting in the outhouse. "So, you think you can come back inside and we can have breakfast and maybe go hunting?"

Prim sniffs loudly and nods. "Promise me you won't tell anyone I was acting like such a baby."

"I promise."

oOo

The snow in the Meadow crunches underneath Prim's and my feet. Our eyes are peeled for any patrols. We dropped Aven off with Delly before coming out. She was ecstatic that I finally took her up on her offer to help. Both she and her mother gushed over my little brother, maybe if things don't work out with Hazelle I can work out an arrangement with Mrs. Cartwright. She seems to like kids. And her family could use the skins from the animals I trap in their shoemaking business.

But first we need to catch something, and do to that, we need to get out into the woods without being spotted. There's several paths leading to and around the fence, possibly from Peacekeepers or maybe even more adventurous types, like Gale and myself, who slip out into the woods seeking extra sustenance. Late morning and early afternoon aren't the best time to go hunting, but this isn't about catching anything, although that's certainly one of the goals. This is more about restoring my sister's confidence.

Once Prim and I are in the woods, we retrieve our bows from the hollow log and set off. The problem with hunting in the wintertime is that the easiest way to hunt, by picking a spot and staying put until the animal comes to you, isn't a good option. That's how you end up with hypothermia. The other way, finding tracks and following them, is safer, but with the crystallized snow, we have to work extra hard to make sure we don't give ourselves away. I'm pretty sure it's a lost cause; the snow is the perfect mix of hard on top and soft underneath so we keep breaking through. Instead, I keep my eyes open for what little we can gather this time of year.

I spy a patch of wintergreen at the base of a large stand of trees and motion to my sister that I'm going to gather the berries and leaves.

Prim nods and stands beside me, alert.

I'm glad we came out, wintergreen is a good find. The leaves make a sweet aromatic tea and the berries, while tasteless, are nutritious and add a bright spot of color to our bland tesserae mush, which sometimes helps Aven choke it down.

"Katniss," Prim breathes, "don't move."

I freeze.

A few seconds later, I hear the thwang of a bowstring. Whirling, I get to my feet, my own bow at the ready. But I don't need it. Several yards away, underneath a snow-covered pine tree, lies a male pheasant with an arrow sticking out of its eye. Pheasants aren't usually out this time of day. The drier area underneath the tree must have been where it bedded down. The noises I made gathering must have disturbed it. I place a hand on my sister's shoulder, a smile spreading across my face. "You did it! Good job."

Prim stares at the pheasant, then back at me. "I did, didn't I?"

"Yeah! If you keep this up, we won't need more tesserae." I keep my voice encouraging.

Prim tilts her head, seeming to consider it. "You're right."

"Of course I am." I feel myself getting more hopeful. This hunt was good for more than just Prim. "I mean, we've already been hunting, but we just have to make it through to spring. Things will be better in spring. There'll be more animals to hunt and more food that we can gather."

Prim nods again and points at the pine tree. "We should probably grab some of the bark while we're out here."

"The needles too," I add. "They don't taste very good but people will need it. I'm starting to see signs of scurvy. Mom always dosed all of her patients with pine needle tea, this time of year."

"You're right," she says, grimacing at the memory of the taste.

"Of course I am. I'm the big sister. Big sisters are always right."

Prim laughs.

It feels good to hear it. I've missed the sound. My sister's been so solemn since our father's death, I've started to wonder if she even knew how to laugh anymore. Not that there's been much to laugh, or even smile about. But Prim's so young, she's still a child. She shouldn't have to worry about adult things like how to keep our family fed or any of the the other things she's had to deal with in the past months.

She stops and looks over at me. "Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"You think, you and me, if we can hunt and gather enough, we might be able to tell Peeta he doesn't have to bring us tesserae anymore?" Her tone is hopeful, almost pleading. She wants so badly for the answer to be yes.

I think about it, really think about it. I don't want to tell my sister that I'm pretty sure it'll be impossible. Without our parents' income, we don't have enough to survive. Even with Peeta's contribution, it hasn't been enough. Hunting and gathering will help in spring, but it can only do so much. People crave what's on the the other side of the fence, but that doesn't mean we get paid well for it. We don't always get money in trade, sometimes we get less useful goods. We can survive without Prim getting tesserae. But, in order to not need Peeta's tesserae, our mom would have to recover or we'd have to find some other steady source of income.

I deliberately push Darius's offer out of my mind. I don't want to think about my problems right now. I just want to enjoy this moment of happiness with my sister.

Speaking of, I need to actually give Prim an answer.

"It'd be tough, but maybe?" I don't want to lie to her, but I'm not about to dash her hopes, not when she's just beginning to feel hope again.

"Yeah, you're right. It will be tough. But if we're lucky, and we work really hard, we can do anything. We just gotta think outside the box." She looks over at the pheasant, then back at me. "You think we can sell the feathers? They're really pretty, and the hatmaker or the tailor or the furrier maybe could do something with them. Oh, or the florist! I bet they'd be really pretty in a bouquet or something."

I realize Prim's right. I might've considered making arrows from the feathers, but selling them never crossed my mind. Furs, yes. But feathers? The tail feathers especially will fetch a good price. Maybe Prim has a point. If we think outside the box, we can make it on our own.

It wouldn't hurt to try.

oOo

AN:
Written: 11/6/16
Revised: 11/25/16
Revised 2: 12/26/16
Betaread by: Xerxia & Amy

Long authors' note ahead. Sorry. A lot happened here.

Time to get a little bit of Delly's backstory. We figured even Merchants can end up in the Community Home, and that people aren't automatically given houses or places to live when they're no longer eligible for the Reaping. We headcanon that people are eligible for houses when they get married after their last Reaping. Until then, you're supposed to live with your family. Unless you live in the Community Home, where, much like the foster system in the US, when you age out, you're out. It's not a good system. Katniss is not wrong about her fear of the Community Home - the Community Home kids get screwed. If you think the Seam has it bad, the Community Home has it worse. If you're eight or under and in good health, you get separated from your family and sent to Two to become a Peacekeeper. If you're still in the Community Home when you're twelve, you're forced to take out tesserae for all surviving family members and you get kicked out of the Community Home and left to fend for yourself on June 2nd, the day after your last Reaping. As it applies to Delly's family situation, her mom, while a Merchant, went through all this, and ended up acting as a live-in mistress and housekeeper for a Peacekeeper, much like the situation that Darius is offering Katniss. Her situation lasted for a few years, and Delly doesn't know how or why it ended - she assumes because her mother met her father and got married, but that may or may not be the truth.

Darius is still lobbying to be Katniss's love interest, but as you might have noticed, Katniss is still leery of the prospect. The shell on the necklace he gives her is from what's called a calico scallop, while the beads are sea glass. We figured that the Peacekeeper trainees would be allowed tokens from their home districts, but they'd be used as incentive to do well. Those who fail lose their tokens. Those who succeed get to keep them. And in some particularly egregious cases, the tokens are actually destroyed. In Darius's case, he did well enough to actually keep his, and he's now giving it to Katniss. It's essentially the equivalent of offering an engagement and/or promise ring. Katniss still isn't sure of what her answer is, but Darius is going to keep wooing her, hoping she'll say yes and choose him.

It was definitely time for Prim to go take out tesserae - but as much as she's become more like Katniss, she's still Prim. She's not quite as fearless, and the idea of being in the Games terrifies her.

Things we Randomized:

-If Katniss and Prim hunted/gathered and if they got anything (success this time around!)

In other news, we're excited to announce a short story we wrote is being published in an erotica anthology entitled Red Hots under the name Christina Rose Andrews. The paperback comes out January 14 and e-book pre-orders will be going up around that time. We are super excited for this opportunity. We hope you'll stick with us.

Until next time!

Let us know what you think!