Last Time in Damaged, Broken, and Unhinged:

"The cost of the permit is one hundred coin, regardless of the date of purchase."

I stare at the clerk, my heart sinking. A hundred coin is a lot of money, especially in the Seam. I can't justify spending that much when I'm going to have to pay it again in less than three months. I have too much else I have to buy. A hundred coin is almost a month's worth of pay.

It's not worth it.

I hand the paperwork back over to the clerk, who takes it with a somewhat smug expression.

"I'll see you June 1st," he says to me."Yes. You will," I say with a confidence I don't feel.

Now what am I going to do?

oOo

Damaged, Broken, and Unhinged
by RoseFyre & FanficAllergy

oOo

Chapter Nineteen: Who We Choose to Be

oOo

"We are who we choose to be."
― The Green Goblin (Spider-Man)

oOo

By the time the weekend rolls around, I'm exhausted. I never want to see another broken white liquor bottle for as long as I live. I lost count once I hit one hundred. And I still have who knows how many to go. Thanks to Delly and Thom's assistance, we were able to get the kitchen and one of the bathrooms into working order. We still have to go through all of the cupboards, all forty-seven of them - I counted - but at least the space is clean enough to work in.

Which is good, because this weekend Peeta, Prim, Thom, Delly, Nata, and me are going to tap the maple trees of Victor's Village. I've got lots of wooden spiles; my father used to whittle them in his spare time. He liked woodworking, but he was Seam enough to want to make something useful, not just ornamental.

Now I finally get to use them.

We meet early at Haymitch's house. The Victor himself is still sleeping off his latest binge, and that's fine with me. The more he stays out of my way the better.

Delly stays back at the house to watch Aven, while the rest of us divvy up the spiles and buckets and split into groups. We only have two drills, and Prim and I are the only ones who have ever tapped maples before. So it makes sense for Prim to lead one group while I lead the other.

"Prim, you go with Thom and Nata." I motion toward the north side of the Victor's Village. "I'll take Peeta and we'll start in the south."

Nata frowns. "Shouldn't I go with you two?"

"No," Prim says innocently. "You and Katniss will have plenty of time later to talk."

"What?" Nata's voice is flat.

But my sister's right, so I pick up the thread Prim laid. "So the best way to do this is to have you and me be in charge of actually making the maple syrup. We're going to have to keep the sap at just the right temperature so it doesn't burn, but also not too low so it crystallizes." Nata's the confectioner's daughter; she should know how to do this.

"But don't we want maple sugar?" She seems confused.

"Sure. Later. But not at first. We'll get plenty of sugar anyways just from boiling down the sap."

"But can't you and Peeta show me how to tap the trees?" She's insistent. Like she doesn't trust me with her boyfriend.

It's annoying. Yes, I like Peeta. But as a friend. Just a friend. And if I want to talk to my friend alone, I should be able to do so.

Still, I can't say that. Not in front of the group. Instead, I shrug, making a show of my nonchalance. "I mean, sure. But there are more trees on Prim's side and less on ours. And after me and Peeta get done, we're going to head back to Haymitch's to make lunch. If you want to help make lunch, you're welcome to join us."

Nata shakes her head. "I don't cook."

Prim looks at her like she's grown a second head. "But don't you work in a candy shop?"

I'm as incredulous as my sister. Everyone knows how to cook in the Seam. Everyone. It's about survival. If you don't cook, you don't eat. The fact that Nata doesn't cook highlights the disparity between Merchants and Seam.

The girl flips her fine almost white hair over her shoulder. "That's not cooking. It's art with sugar."

I manage to not roll my eyes and I can see Thom doing the same. The confectioner's shop is just one of the stores that we in the Seam don't consider necessary. It's a luxury, one I don't have time for. Sweets and candy are fine, but if given a choice between a lollipop and bread, I'll pick bread every time. I know Thom feels the same way.

Prim opens her mouth to say something then shuts it with an audible click. What are we supposed to say to that? Or rather, what could we say that won't start an argument.

"Come on, ladies," Thom says, stepping in. "Morning's wasting."

Well, that's one way to do it.

We wave our goodbyes, and Peeta and I head off to tap the first tree. I show him where to drill the hole and indicate how far to go in. We don't want to go too far, just past the outer bark. Once the spile's in place, we put a pail underneath it and move on to the next tree.

As we work, Peeta asks, "So what'd you want to talk to me about?"

"Who says I wanted to talk to you about anything?"

"You pretty clearly did not want Nata with us."

I shrug.

"So what'd you want to talk about?"

What do I want to talk about? The answer is everything and nothing. I just… want to talk to Peeta without somebody else listening in or having to guard what I say. Even our one-on-one conversations since he started dating Nata have had the risk of somebody overhearing. Prim. Aven. His family. We haven't had any just us time. And I've missed it.

But I don't think Peeta will understand that if I try to explain it to him. Instead I ask, "Did you know that Delly's in love with Thom?"

He blinks. "Well, yeah. It's obvious."

"No, but she's actually said it."

"Yeah. I was there."

"Oh. Right." I twist the spile into the hole, making it fit just right. "So… what do you think?"

He sets up the bucket underneath the drip. "What do you mean, what do I think? It doesn't matter what I think. Thom and Delly can date without my permission."

I give him a look. "You don't understand."

"No, I obviously don't, so explain it to me." The words are light. Non-confrontational. It's as if he actually wants to understand.

So I do my best to accommodate him. "Delly's a Merchant. Thom's Seam." To me, the distinction is obvious.

But it apparently isn't to Peeta. "And?"

"After the Reaping, Thom's going to become a miner."

"So?"

That isn't explanation enough? "Delly's a Merchant."

"You've said that."

I flip one of the pails over and sit down at the base of one of the maple trees, ignoring the cold. "Maybe it's because of my parents, that the problems seems so obvious to me. But Delly's going to have to make a choice. Does she give up her life as a Merchant and everything that means to be with Thom, or does she stay a Merchant? It's that simple."

Peeta crouches down next to me. "Yeah, it is that simple. And Delly's already made her choice. She's picked Thom."

"But she'll have to give up everything she knows. She'd have to live in the Seam."

"Why is that a problem?" Peeta looks at me. "You've mentioned before that your parents were happy. That your mother never seemed to regret giving up her merchant life. Do you really see Delly as any different from your mom? And what does it matter?"

"Yeah, but what if something happens to them like what happened to my parents? Will Delly's parents disown her? Will they disown her kids?" The words just pour out. I didn't realize I was this worried about Thom and Delly. Thom's my friend, my best friend. Delly's my friend too. And I don't want them to be unhappy. Or if the unthinkable happened to Thom, have their kids go through the same things Prim and I are.

"Is that what this is about? That your mom's family disowned you, Prim, and Aven? That they weren't willing to help you or take you in?"

"Kinda?" Peeta's hit on part of it. But not all of why I'm so worried. "It's just… my mom had this whole life before she met my dad that I don't even know anything about. It's like she met my dad and nothing else before that mattered. I don't know why my uncle hates us so much. I can guess it's because we're from the Seam, but… but I don't know." I shake my head. "It's just something he said."

"What'd he say?"

"That my mom didn't do her duty. What duty? It's not like she was the heir."

Peeta pauses and considers it. "But she might've been."

"What?"

"Your mom could've been the heir. She's the oldest, right? Eldest typically inherits."

I realize I don't even know how old my mother's brother is. "I don't know. You see, that's just another thing I don't know."

Peeta sighs and straightens. "Does it matter? Your uncle's the owner of the apothecary now."

I consider it for a minute. "I guess not. It's just been bugging me."

"And that's what you wanted to talk to me about."

I nod. "Who else am I supposed to talk to about this? Thom wouldn't understand and Delly's Delly."

His lips curve into a smile. "You know, that makes more sense than it should."

"I know, right? She'd probably try to smother the concerns away in hugs and casseroles."

We both laugh at the image.

Then Peeta sobers. "To answer your question, the one you've been dancing around but not really saying, the Cartwrights aren't like your uncle or your mom's family. If Delly married Thom, they'd be happy for her." He pauses and then says, "Besides, Delly and Thom have us. If anything were to happen, we would be there to help too."

He's got a point. I wouldn't let anything happen to Thom's family if I could do something about it, and it makes sense that Peeta'd feel the same about Delly. "You're right."

"I know I am. Now let's go tap these trees."

oOo

Lunch is a spirited affair, with Aven and Delly dominating the conversation. Apparently Delly and my brother have decided that they are best friends now and that Aven wants to be a shoemaker when he grows up, much to Delly's amusement. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's not possible. He'll learn on his own soon enough.

After lunch, Prim takes Aven with her to explore the Victor's Village, as we discussed last night. My little sister had initially wanted to set snares, but I managed to dissuade her. We don't know what kind of surveillance the Peacekeepers have on Victor's Village. The last thing we need to do is attract even more attention now that we no longer have Darius's protection. So instead, she agreed to just go gather what plants she could from inside the Victor's Village and around the Tribute Garden. Besides, it's a good place to start teaching Aven what to look out for, both good and bad. It's almost as good as the Meadow.

Delly, Peeta, and Thom are tasked with bringing the pails of sap to Nata and me to boil them down into syrup. It's going to be hot steamy work, but the results are going to be worth it.

As soon as Nata and I are alone, the pale-haired merchant girl turns to me. "What did you and Peeta talk about?"

The question takes me by surprise even though it really shouldn't. There's suspicion and distrust in her tone, and I don't like it. Does she really think Peeta would cheat on her? I'm angry on my friend's behalf. "It's none of your business," I tell her, my tone hard.

"Considering he's my boyfriend, it's absolutely my business. Don't think I don't know the reputation you have. If my boyfriend's sleeping with you, I'd prefer to know."

"Peeta's not sleeping with me!" I'm offended she would think that badly of him.

"Kissing you, then."

"Peeta and I have never kissed. He's my friend. His brother's married to my cousin. He's family." It's an old excuse but still useful.

Nata's eyebrow arches. "The way Peeta looks at you is not the way someone looks at their family."

"I have no control over that. Besides, Peeta's your boyfriend." I give the other girl a look that's as pointed as one of my arrows. "You should have more faith in him. You should know that Peeta would never run around on someone that he's dating. He's too good."

Her fingers tap against the counter. "You have a point. Peeta's almost sickeningly sweet, and I work in a candy shop. But forgive me for saying this: why should I believe you?"

I'm not about to play her game. I have nothing I need to prove to her. Nothing. "I'm not the one you need to believe. Peeta is. If you don't trust Peeta, then that's not my problem."

Nata sighs and sits down. "I want to trust Peeta. And if you were anyone else other than you, I would."

"I don't understand." Why would me being me change things so much?

Her eyebrow raises. "You think I don't see the way Peeta looks at you? You think I don't know how he feels about you? I'm not an idiot, Katniss. I know my boyfriend's in love with you."

Her statement rocks me to my core. Several people have said that before, but hearing it out of Nata's - his girlfriend's - mouth makes it more real somehow. "I didn't ask for him to be in love with me."

"I know." She scrubs her face with her hands. "Which makes it even more frustrating."

"I'm sorry?" I don't know what else to say.

She shakes her head, then pins me with her eyes. "Just… what is Peeta to you?"

"He's my friend."

"So you're saying that's all it is?"

I nod. I don't bother sharing that part of me wants it to be more. That wouldn't help right now. "If it makes you feel any better," I say as an offering, "I don't want to date anyone. Finnick Odair could magically appear here in Twelve and declare that he's in love with me, and I still wouldn't want to date him."

My outrageous statement has the effect I was looking for. All of Nata's intensity melts away, dissolving into a fit of the giggles. "Oh my stars! Could you imagine? 'Katniss, my love, run away with me!' 'Oh no, I can't! My heart belongs to District Twelve!'" She acts out the little scene complete with Finnick's swagger.

It's hilarious.

I laugh with her. "It's like one of those stupid Capitol soap operas."

Once the giggles stop, she calms down and says, "Okay, so if you and Peeta aren't sneaking around behind my back, then why did you want to talk to him so desperately?"

I glance around, making sure no one's around to overhear. "I wanted to talk about Thom and Delly." I speak quietly anyway. Voices carry when you least want them to.

"Ah," she says as if it explains everything. And in a way it does. "So you weren't trying to get away from me."

I shake my head.

"You were trying to get away from everyone."

I nod.

"That makes sense." She gives me an assessing look. "You know that Thom and Delly are in for a world of trouble."

I nod again. "It's my parents all over again."

"That's right, you would know what that's like."

Once again I nod. I feel like one of those toys the Capitol advertises, the ones that look like the Victors and have heads that never stop moving. But what else can I say? Yeah? I do? It'd be just as repetitive.

"What do you think about Thom and Delly?" she asks, her voice carefully neutral.

I decide to tell the truth. "I'm worried. I'm afraid Delly's parents will disown her and that Thom's parents won't understand."

That seems to confirm what Nata is thinking, because she bobs her head once I've answered. "I can't speak about Thom's family, but you don't have to worry about the Cartwrights. You do know that Delly's oldest brother is a Peacekeeper's son."

"I didn't know," I lie. It's not for me to confirm or deny Delly's secrets.

"Well he is. And if Mr. Cartwright can accept raising a Peacekeeper's kid, I'm pretty sure he can accept a Seam son-in-law. Especially if said Seam son-in-law makes Delly happy. No, it's the rest of the district that you have to worry about."

I wince. "I know."

"It's too bad that they seem so serious about each other. Their relationship would make a great practice romance." She pauses, fixing me with a look I can't decipher. "You know I have no intention of marrying Peeta."

I stare at her.

"I mean, I like Peeta. He's a good boyfriend. But he's not for me." She tilts her head. "Did you know that we've never even kissed?"

No. I didn't. Part of me wants to ask why, but instead I say, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because Peeta's in love with you, duh." She rolls her eyes.

I completely ignore her. It's the second time she's said that. Instead I ask, "So why are you dating him?"

"Because it's expected." She lets out a little huff of annoyance. "My parents would love to have a match between the bakery and the confectioner. And so would his."

That makes sense. "It sounds like it's a match made in sugar heaven."

"That's what they say. It's why they want it so desperately. But I'm not about to let one of my little brothers take over the heirship. I want the confectioner's shop. Peeta wants the bakery. One of us would have to sacrifice our heirship, and it's not going to be Peeta."

"So why are you still with him?"

"Well, because he's nice. And he's safe. And when we break up - because we are going to break up, and probably soon - I can tell my parents it wouldn't work out and they can get off my back for a while." She purses her mouth as if considering her words. "Frankly I'm surprised Peeta's so interested in you."

"Why? Is it because I'm Seam?"

She blinks, then looks me up and down. Her fingers tap against the side of her chair, fidgeting. "You don't know, do you?"

"Know what?"

"Your mother's the owner of the apothecary."

Wait, what? "She is?"

"Yeah. Why do you think she's allowed to practice medicine without getting into trouble?"

"I don't know." Is that illegal, practicing medicine without some kind of permit? "She never talked about it."

"Your mother never renounced her heirship and her parents never disowned her," Nata explains, her eyes bright, "at least, not officially. So technically you're in line to take over the apothecary."

That explains my uncle's hostility. He's been taking care of the shop, but he knows that at any minute he and his whole family could be ousted, and by some kids from the Seam no less.

As if she can read my mind, Nata says, "That's why your uncle hates you. I don't think the rest of his family knows. I know for a fact Peeta's family doesn't know. If they did, they would've never let Chet marry Jacintha."

"Why do you know?" I ask, putting emphasis on the word 'you.'

She waves off my question. "I make it a point to know these things. Like for instance, did you know Peeta's father was originally engaged to marry Maysilee Donner and that he wasn't supposed to take over the bakery at all?"

"No."

"Yeah. His older brother died of the measles when Mr. Mellark was eighteen. By then Maysilee was already dead. Apparently he tried courting your mother. Not like that went anywhere. Your mom ran off with your dad, and Matz got Gretchen pregnant. Mr. McCoy wasn't about to stand for that. Gretchen wasn't heir to the furrier's, but she was engaged to the butcher's heir and their little mistake cost the McCoys dearly."

"Why are you telling me all this?" My head's spinning from all of the information. There's so much to process. I don't want to seem ungrateful, and Nata's explanation suddenly makes everything clearer, like why the baker was so willing to help me out and why my uncle was so unwilling to do the same. But she doesn't owe me any explanation, and I feel like I'm in her debt. It's a feeling I don't like.

Nata shrugs. "You deserve to know. It's not like I'm telling you anything that half the town doesn't already know. Besides, despite what you might think, I don't hate you."

"Gee, thanks."

She grins. "See, that's what I like about you. You don't fall all over yourself trying to get on my good side. The number of suckups both Peeta and I get is really annoying. It's refreshing to talk to someone real. I think I'm beginning to see what Peeta sees in you." Then Nata's expression changes. "So what do you plan on doing with this knowledge?"

"Nothing," I say with a shrug. "My mom's sick and in no condition to take over the apothecary, and I don't want it. Maybe Prim or Aven will want it when they're older, but I don't think I should ruin four people's lives just because my mom and grandparents didn't follow the rules."

"You're nicer than I would be."

"Maybe. Maybe if I weren't working for Haymitch I would do it. But I am, and he pays me well."

She looks around the kitchen. "Fair enough."

She doesn't get to say anything more, because Delly, Thom, and Peeta return with the first pails full of sap. Time to get to work.

For the rest of the afternoon, Nata and I work together companionably, and to my complete surprise she gives me a quick hug at the end of the day. "I hope when Peeta and I break up, we can still be friends."

"Sure. I'd like that."

And to my surprise, the words are actually true.

oOo

AN:
Written: 9/14/18
Revised: 9/28/18

The title of this chapter was picked ages ago, but it seems rather fitting today, doesn't it? RIP Stan Lee. Excelsior!

Look, Nata's not that bad! Seriously. We hate the trope that whoever Peeta dates has to be some horrible kind of harpy. It's problematic. So very problematic. I mean, what does it say about Peeta if he's willing to date someone so horrible? And that's not even getting into the internalized misogyny going on there. So we wanted to defy the trope with Nata.

And yes, Delly and Thom have issues looming...you'll have to wait and see where that goes.

Let us know what you think! Your reviews inspire us to write more. This is especially true with fic. Since we don't get paid for this. ^_^ To those who do review, you're the reason we haven't abandoned our fics. We love you.

Until next time! Thanks for reading!