Feudal Japan...
My dearest Akane,
I hope you are well. How I've longed to see you again after what feels like an eternity of traveling! I was, in fact, on my way to visit you when I was unfortunately and most rudely abducted by a very bizarre foreign ninja I encountered in a park. Due to certain disgraceful circumstances, I now find myself completely incapacitated and have no idea where I am or how long it will be before we meet again. But I don't want you to worry; I swear to you on my life that no matter where cruel fate takes me, even to the ends of the earth, I will not rest until I find my way back to your side... I'll also be sure to bring you back plenty of souvenirs from my journey.
Yours faithfully, Ryoga.
When the blinding light had passed, and the black pig dared crack open an eye long enough to ascertain he was still alive and whole, he saw that they were no longer standing in a city park, but in the midst of what appeared to be a rice field deep in the countryside where scarcely a house stood on the horizon. He blinked several times, attempting to awaken from the crazy dream he was having, but the scenery remained unchanged. Grunting irritably, he squirmed against the cord tethering him to his captor and cutting off his circulation.
"Well buddy, looks like we made it," the dark-clad man pulled out a knife and, without warning, cut the the bond, freeing the small animal.
The pig landed in the marsh with a splash, looking bewilderedly around him, then back up at the mercenary who'd dragged him along.
Wade also looked up, inhaling deeply of the fresh air. "Mmm, smells like barbeque country to me," he gave the piglet a wink.
"Nnk, nk, kweee!" the pig responded hotly.
"Well, guess I'd better see what old Nate has in store for me," he turned the borrowed computer around in his hand several times, attempting to figure out which end was up, "Rassum frassum rave stick - what're all these blinking lights for - hello, anybody there?" Deadpool gave the object a firm shake, "Computer, where the hell is whoever I'm looking for?"
"Target's whereabouts currently unknown," came the computer's cool retort.
"Then can you at least tell me who the hell I should be looking for - like maybe a rendering or a holographic image - or something?"
"No statistics available," it responded without further elaboration.
"Just ask the computer, he says," scoffed the merc, "Why don't I just ask my left...huh?"
Glancing around, he suddenly realized he'd been abandoned, "Great, now my pig's run off; I blame you, Computer!"
Somewhere nearby a short time later...
"I'm beginning to think it was all just a coincidence and maybe it really was just a toad demon after all," mused Shippo.
"You wish," Inuyasha responded as they crossed the bridge into the main thoroughfare of a bustling town. "We're going to get to the bottom of this even if we have to ask everyone in the province!"
"In that case," remarked Miroku, "we've probably come to the right place." His wandering eye quickly zeroed in on a group of girls gathered near a tea stand, "We should probably split up to save time and cover more ground - I'll go this direction and we can all meet back up later at the bridge."
"And who do you intend to ask," the ever-suspicious Sango demanded, veering after him.
"I'm gonna look over here," declared Shippo, leaping off Kagome's shoulder and heading for a row of shops.
"Alright," the girl called after him, "see you back at the bridge, then." She turned back to Inuyasha, "Do you want to split up also?"
Inuyasha, however, remained frozen, a disbelieving expression on his face as he gazed off into the distance. "It can't be," he stated, oblivious to Kagome's question.
"What is it," she asked.
Inuyasha's white head whipped to the side and in a moment, the rest of his body quickly followed as he abruptly sprinted down the thoroughfare, "It isn't possible!"
"Wait! What isn't possible", Kagome cried, running after him.
Kagome chased the runaway hanyou all the way to a large house at the end of the main street. There, a crowd of people including many armed men, were gathered around someone or something. Inuyasha came to a sudden halt, causing Kagome to collide into him.
"Inuyasha, tell me what's-" the girl paused, picking herself up off the ground as her eyes locked onto a shocking sight. "Is that..." she gasped, peering past the cluster of men to a seated figure on the ground outside of the mansion walls.
The hooded man clad in unmistakable red and black over every inch of his heavily muscled body, sat with hands apparently bound behind his back, but not appearing particularly concerned about it. Guards brandishing naginata encircled him as a head guard interrogated him.
"I'll only ask this once, ninja, who sent you?"
"Who sent me?" Deadpool repeated idly as he rolled his head back a forth, his neck emitting a series loud pops, "Oh, you know, just the usual precognitive, dystopic douchewaffle-warlord with an axe to grind - nothing to do with you fine folks, I'm sure."
The local ruler, who stood nearby, exchanged a bemused look with his head guard, "Do you know anything about this 'Douchewaffle' he speaks of?"
A loud snort escaped the masked man's lips and the leader of the guards spun back to him, "You dare mock us, trash! Now let's see who you are under that hood!"
"I wouldn't advise that," said Deadpool to the guard who approached.
Hesitating a moment, the guard suddenly jumped at a shouting voice from the crowd.
"How'd the hell you get here, Wade?"
A snowy-haired youth with dog ears broke abruptly through the onlookers to glare at the captive enemy spy.
The bound man gasped as he laid eyes on the other. "Inu? Don't tell me, this is your time period!"
"Of course it - now tell me what the fuck you're doing in it!"
"Well, it's a long story, but - hey you know what - this means we're gonna be allies again!"
"My ass it does!"
"Wade, I can't believe it's really you!"
"Kags, you too! Are you out on a date with Numbnuts? Listen, don't put out for anything less than a Kobe steak or at least..."
"Who are you people," demanded the feudal lord angrily. Several blades turned in the direction of Inuyasha and Kagome. "You know this riffraff shinobi?"
"Keh, unfortunately," the half-demon cracked his knuckles as he sized up the guards.
"Well, now that you've shown up, I guess I don't have any reason to hang around anymore," Deadpool abruptly stood, tossing aside the ropes that had bound him only moments ago. Guards immediately lunged at the mercenary with their deadly pole blades.
"Ah, there you are," Deadpool casually reached for his own collection of knives and swords that had been confiscated from him, simultaneously grabbing a charging guard's naginata and using it to sling him into several other of his fellow guards, "Did you miss daddy?"
While Deadpool leisurely situated his katana on his back, Inuyasha punched away yet another attacker coming up behind the merc. "Come on already and let's get outta here!"
"Alright, just hold your Alpo," Wade turned his attention to the shocked lord now cowering behind his unconscious captain, the slight, aging man shrank back as the large faceless thug loomed over him. "You look like a guy who could use some new muscle; I don't know how long I'm going to be around here, but for the right price we might be able to do business - think about it and look me up if you're interested."
"We really should probably go," Kagome looked uneasily around at the crowds of alarmed people.
"Well alright," agreed Deadpool, his left arm grabbing Inuyasha in a headlock, he bound quickly to the girl's side, onlookers veering away from them like startled fish from an approaching shark. "Computer, bodyslide by three to base camp!"
Kagome gave him a questioning look as nothing happened.
"...There'd better be a damn good reason for this," grumbled the hanyou from somewhere under Deadpool's arm.
"Screw you, Nate, hogging all the good stuff for yourself and only giving me your crappy, useless computer," groused the merc, "to hell with it!" He tapped his own teleportation device, taking the other two along with him.
The three arrived back at the rice field where Deadpool had first appeared.
"What's this place," Kagome pulled her soaked shoe out the boggy ground.
"Sorry, it's the only place I know how to get to yet."
"Get offa me - I'm never gonna get your pit smell out of my hair!" Inuyasha roughly shoved the large man away.
"I have now bequeathed my man-stink unto you; may it serve you well, Cupcake," Deadpool grunted benevolently. Stepping out of the soggy field, Wade rubbed a gloved hand across his chin and frowned as a sound of what might have been someone running their fingernails along the world's longest chalk board came screeching toward him from the surrounding grass. A kid brandishing a stick sharpened to a point ran heedlessly after something obscured by the tall grass and squealing plaintively. Wade automatically stuck out his foot and tripped the youngster who went sprawling face-first into the muddy ground.
"Didn't your mama ever tell you not to run with sharp objects - you wanna impale yourself?" His arm shot into the grass and pulled up a squirming black creature. "Found my pig," he announced. He then turned scoldingly to the stunned animal, "And what did I tell you about barbeque country?"
From the ground, the downed boy let out a muffled whimper.
"Are you alright," A concerned Kagome hurried over to the child's side.
"Here kid," the merc now pulled out and tossed a packet of pop tarts to the sniffling child, "rot your teeth on these."
With a trembling hand, the small boy took the silvery package, tearing it open and examining the rectangular pastry inside in growing wonderment, "Ninja food...?"
"Uhhh," a baffled Kagome beamed at him.
"Exactly," nodded Deadpool.
His eyes as large as saucers, the child jumped to his feet, clutching the toaster treats to his chest and bolting away as swiftly as he'd come.
Wade watched him disappear back into the tall grass before turning to the speechless schoolgirl. "Pretty smart kid, huh?"
"Is everything alright over there?" Inuyasha's ears twitched at the sound of Miroku's voice. The others, having noticed the commotion in the town, now gathered together to find their missing companions on the outskirts among the rice fields. "Have you discovered something?"
"Yeah," retorted Inuyasha, "a giant thorn in my ass, now let's get out of here before someone is stupid enough to try to come after us."
000
"Oh what a cute little piggy," cooed Kagome to the furiously blushing piglet in her arms, "what's his name?"
The group - including Deadpool - now sat near a stream a safe distance away from the populated area they'd left earlier. While the modern girl made over the black bundle sporting a yellow bandana round its neck, the rest of the group, save Inuyasha who'd retired into a tall tree, carefully scrutinized the imposing assassin who occupied a small rock and flipped absently through one of Kagome's magazines.
The merc looked up abruptly at the question. "His name? Uhhh, let's see, I think it's...P-chan. Yeah, that's it."
"Keh, that's a stupid name," scoffed Inuyasha from above, failing in his attempt at aloofness, "did you just make that up?"
"No," Wade shut the magazine, keeping his finger between the pages to hold his place as he reached into one of the many compartments on him and pulled out a picture, "it's right here."
Kagome took the offered photograph of a girl around her own age holding seemingly the same piglet. "Akane with P-chan," she read at the bottom, written in ballpoint pen. "But where did you get this photo," she wanted to know.
"I got it from a weirdo I met when I was looking for your house," provided Deadpool, "we were talking when he just suddenly disappeared and left all his stuff behind - including all his clothes and camping supplies."
"In other words, you stole his things," declared the half-demon, looking down in judgement.
The pig in Kagome's arms immediately began to nod and grunt in apparent agreement.
"Look, when the guy you're talking to pulls a 'Revalations' and suddenly raptures out on you, what other consolation do you have except to go through his worldly possessions," defended Wade.
Kagome looked again at the girl in the photo and then back at the actual P-chan in her own hand, "I wonder who this cute little guy really belongs to then - the person you met or the person in the picture?"
"Perhaps the man you met robbed this girl of her pet and all of her valuables, and was looking for somewhere to sell them off," shrugged Miroku. "...Not that I would have any personal experience with a such a thing," he quickly added at the suspicious looks he gained from the others.
Shippo, who'd sidled up to Kagome frowned, "I don't think that pig looks so cute - he's kind of bug-eyed."
From around Kagome's arm, the pig stuck out its tongue at the fox boy. Shippo promptly returned the favor.
"More importantly," Inuyasha dropped to the ground, landing on his haunches in front of his former comrade from the future, "why don't you hurry up and explain what you're doing here and how you got yourself sent to our time in the first place."
"Actually, I'd be interested in knowing a bit more about that too," admitted Miroku.
"We'd always thought that only Kagome-chan and Inuyasha could travel between the two worlds," Sango agreed.
"Oh, that's nothing; I know way too many people who can do that," Deadpool waved dismissively, "but as for me, I'm actually kind of here on someone else's behalf; I'm not even getting paid for this...maybe you guys can help me find who I'm looking for so I can get in, get out and, y'know, get on with this immortal purgatory of mine."
"Who are you looking for," asked Shippo, "and what are you going to do to them when you find them?"
"Why, what an excellent question," The mercenary turned indulgently toward the small fox demon and abruptly halted as if seeing him for the first time, "You...you..." his hand reached down toward the little boy.
"Eh!" The kitsune jumped back, pulling an acorn out of his vest, "B-back up; don't make me use this!" But the large pair of hands snatched him up without hesitation.
"So friggin' cute," said the merc through gritted teeth, pinching both of Shippo's cheeks till tears came to the yokai's eyes, "you make P-chan look like a pile of crap!"
"Bu-kee!" The pig shrieked indignantly.
"Just spill it already," barked Inuyasha, "Who are you after?"
Deadpool turned to him, slowly and deliberately, all joviality now gone from his demeanor.
Elsewhere...
"Kikan-sama," the guard bowed low as he entered, "the lord and his men are dead; I saw to it myself."
The austere young master looked blandly up from his maps and scrolls at the armored lackey. "Was there anything else?"
"Uh, yes sir," the guard shifted uneasily, "There was a strange occurrence that took place directly before that involving a ninja and what appeared to be a demon or maybe a hanyou; they teamed up and started taking out the the head man's soldiers with ease. It was during the confusion that I was able to finish off the old man without anyone noticing."
"A ninja and a hanyou," repeated Kikan, testing out the statement for himself. He stood slowly from the table laden with his mysterious plans and stepped directly up to the inferior like an apposing piece on a chess board. "And where might they be at this time?"
"That's just it; they vanished along with one other companion - a strange looking girl - into thin air. I wasn't able to track them, but they reappeared again outside of town; some saw them heading away into the country together with several others," the henchman hastily replied. "Once we know more about them, I'm sure you'll want to meet them yourself."
"Very interesting. Just don't make me wait too long," the slight, pale man gave a faint smile that sent a shiver down the guard's spine. "And be careful not to tip them off before we know what's to be done with them."
000
"An immortal being who travels throughout the world over thousands of years and destroys whole civilizations," the hoshi frowned in distaste, "that does sound like a considerable nuisance."
"And he's actually here now," asked Kagome, leaning forward with mouth slightly agape.
"He better not be; I didn't sign up to smoke that guy," waved off Deadpool with a chuckle, "It's more like his snot-nosed, self-important kid put in charge in daddy's absence that I have to send to the cornfield (or maybe the ricefield) - shouldn't be more than a quick pop and I'm out."
"Do you know anything about his abilities," posed Sango.
"Nope; I'm more of a shoot first, ask questions later sort of guy."
"You're thinking about the villages from earlier," Miroku turned a knowing look on Sango.
Inuyasha frowned skeptically, "You honestly think those two things are related?"
Sango looked around at the rest of the group, "Well, it's the only lead we have at this point."
"I guess that's true," agreed Kagome after a thoughtful pause, she then turned to explain to the newcomer, "We recently found a whole village dead from a mysterious poison gas."
"Lucky I'm here, then; looks like my horoscope is right on the money," Wade flipped back to the page he'd left off on in Kagome's mag and read aloud, "your gifted leadership and strong moral guidance will be indispensable to your friends and everyone in your sphere of influence this month."
"Bah! You don't even know how to find that bastard, or anything accept ricefields!"
"So? I just got here!"
"I have an idea," cut in Miroku before another argument could erupt between the hanyou and the time-misplaced mercenary. All eyes turned to the monk.