Content warning: Dubious consent/consent given under duress, just overall a bit fucked up in my opinion.
This is longwinded as hell, and despite it being exactly what I wanted for this chapter, I hated writing it. This chapter is not explicit in the details but it's definitely more emotion based for the scene. I really felt the need for a content warning since it was emotionally taxing for me to write it even with a lack of related trauma, and I don't want anyone to be triggered/experience a relapse with their own trauma. I will be marking the start and end of the scene with a line-break so you have an opportunity to skip the section if you wish. I will provide a brief, undetailed summary so that you don't miss any necessary info by skipping the section.
As always, enjoy and read at your own discretion.
Word Count: 2,661
Uploaded: 07/02/21
The End of Innocence - Alexandre Desplat
Life goes on, even if you don't want it to.
I had taken control of the household to a degree, managing the internal ongoings of the manor and the Nox Fleuret family. It was only a fraction of the power I would have had as Princess Consort if Ravus had been King, but it was enough to keep myself busy. Bring the household of Fenestala Manor back to life took up most of my days, leaving me with small moments to breathe and wander the Grounds.
A year had passed before the empire began to press the issue of a lack of an heir. When the whispers of the emperor's displeasure had first reached Tenebrae, they stemmed from the rumors of Ravus and I not sharing a bed. It was a valid assumption that there were spies of the empire, both hidden and in plain sight. But I guess we had assumed we'd have more time before we ended up here.
Ravus was the one to suggest our current ruse; I began to spend the nights in Ravus' apartments, staying in the bedroom while the former prince locked himself away in his office. This arrangement worked to a degree, with my personal staff quickly learning to come to his apartments rather than my own to ready me for the day.
With the staff gossiping about this new development, we were certain it would guarantee us more time once it got back to Nifelheim. And while it seemed to mollify them to a degree, the lack of success in producing a child still hung over us.
Apparently, the empire had decided that our time had run out.
I had been in the private study of the Oracle's apartment, reading some imperial propaganda drivel when we received the letter. Both Luna and I had glanced at the door when a servant entered with an envelope clutched in his hands.
"A letter for the High Commander and yourself, your Highness. It's from Gralea." The young boy said, offering a short bow as he handed the envelope over to me.
"Thank you, you are dismissed." I ordered, flipping the envelope to stare at the bright red seal of the emperor.
Luna set aside her papers, looking to me, "Would you like me to send for Ravus?"
"Please, he'll want to know what the empire wants as soon as possible." I requested, choosing to sit at the couch in the center of the room as I broke the seal and read the letter.
The words that it contained infuriated me, crushing the paper in my fist.
"I can't believe the nerve of these men! Demanding that I be examined for fertility issues! That would be beyond humiliation!" I screeched, throwing the letter to the ground, and rising from the couch to storm around the room in anger.
The blonde women quietly picked up the letter and smoothed it out to be legible.
"I know you don't wish to hear it, but Ravus would not stand for it either. The disgrace would reflect on him as well, especially if you were to be found to be healthy and hale." Luna assured, twisting her torso to follow her pacing.
"They would either assume him to be sterile or catch on to the fact that we're staging our couplings. I'm not sure which is worse." I mused, leaning against the back of a chair.
The doors to the study opened, an irate Ravus entering at a brisk pace.
"What is so important that I was pulled from my duties?" he demanded, looking between myself and Luna before coming to a stop before us.
"The empire. They've finally grown tired of waiting on that heir of ours." I told him, raising my head enough to shoot him a bittersweet grin.
Luna sighed, turning to face her confused elder brother.
"They are sending a doctor and the chancellor to examine the princess for fertility issues. Your time has run out, brother." The former princess elaborated, extending the letter to her brother.
My husband removed it from her grasp, his dual-coloured eyes taking in the words of the letter.
The silence stretched out as we all tried to digest the news, Ravus crushing the letter and throwing it down to the ground.
"They would dare to humiliate our house?" he raged, looking about ready to tear the study apart.
I snorted loudly, failing to rein in my bitter amusement.
"They care not for the reputation of the family; they simply want control. A child, a potential heir to replace Luna, molded to their ideals, would give them that." I offered, my grimace falling as I looked to the floor.
The silence that followed was suffocating, Ravus falling into a chair to his left.
Our gazes met, weighing his next words carefully.
"What do you wish to do, princess? This decision cannot be made lightly and without all considerations taken into account." The blonde asked, the anger in his voice reduced to a tense tone.
"As your sister said, we've run out of time. Eventually they will rule out every option until they reach the conclusion that our marriage bed is a cold one. We cannot continue as we are." I told him, stating the facts I knew that would come to pass if we did not act.
"Are you sure of what you're asking of me? We will not be able to undo it or stop until you conceive." He warned, trying to convey the seriousness of the matter.
I nodded, moving to lean my elbows against the back of the chair, forgoing all sense of decorum.
"I know, this has been hanging over my head for far longer than you can imagine. But if we are to survive, it must be done." I replied, sighing heavily.
Ravus' gaze rested on me for what felt like an eternity, assessing me and my statement.
He eventually lowered his head, looking to his hands in resignation.
"Very well. How shall we proceed?"
Luna had remained silent for the entirety of this exchange, choosing to watch us make our own decisions without her input. But now was the appropriate time for her advice.
"Perhaps begin with truly cohabitating with each other?" She suggested, her gaze moving between myself and her brother, "Learn about each other. It would serve as a first step before becoming intimate."
I looked to the oracle, weighing her words and the wisdom they held. There were no other options anymore.
"Of course. I can have my immediate belongings brought to your apartments this afternoon?" I asked, directing the question towards my husband.
The grim expression on his face was the only remaining sign of his displeasure, "That will do."
Luna stood from her place on the couch, moving away towards her desk.
"I suggest you spend more time together, even if it's just being in each other's presence. It would do wonders for your relationship's reputation among the servants." The blonde woman advised, resting a hand on her brother's shoulder as she passed.
Ravus rose from his chair offering me one final look before taking his leave, "Very well. We will begin this evening."
My servant made quick work of my belongings once I had given my orders.
My wardrobe had been emptied of my clothes, my dressing table cleared of various jewelry boxes and cosmetics. All these items were moved into a sparse, rather empty dressing room just off Ravus' bedroom. My history tomes and scant novels found places on the shelves in our now shared sitting room, a spare desk brought in for me to complete any paperwork or correspondence at.
For a time Ravus continued to sequester himself in his office at night, only seeking my company in the early morning to break our fast. He then began to join me on my afternoon walks around the garden when he was free, making small talk and sharing tales from his childhood when Tenebrae was free from the empire.
It wasn't too long after that, that he began to come to bed for the night. Slipping into the bedroom late at night just as I was falling asleep and gone in the early morning when I was barely awake.
This eventually progressed to the point where we were comfortable enough to ready ourselves for bed at the same time, moving around each other with ease.
It was during one of those nights that I made my decision.
I had dismissed my maids for the evening after they had dressed me for bed a bit earlier than usual.
Ravus entered the bedroom as I was brushing my hair at the foot of the bed. His dual-coloured gaze halted on my figure in confusion.
"Early night for you?" I inquired, returning my attention to my hair.
My husband's brow furrowed as he processed my words.
"Yes, I felt that I was in need of one." He replied, his tone cautious as he assessed the situation, "And your maids?"
I smiled softly, raising my head to look back at him, "Dismissed for the evening. How was your afternoon?"
Ravus sighed, removing his gloves as he walked further into our rooms, "Difficult. The imperial visit has generated massive amounts of paperwork in terms of military movement and assignments, both in Tenebrae and across Eos. Yourself?"
I stood from the bed, moving to place my hairbrush on the bedside table as I replied.
"Much the same. This visit has the household turned upside down in trying to prepare for our impending guests." I turned to walk myself back to the foot of the bed.
Ravus disappeared into the dressing room, changing for the night. Despite the distance I could still hear his grumbled response,
"Of course, as if there wasn't enough to worry about with the war going on."
The rustle of fabric announced Ravus' re-entry into the bedroom, causing me to look up at him.
Tension ran through my body, causing Ravus to pause a few meters away from the bed as his gaze caught mine once more. He remained there as I slowly approached him, coming to a stop in front of him with my head tilted upwards to maintain eye contact. My hands rested on Ravus' toned chest, the words stuck in the back of my throat.
I could see the questions lingering in his eyes, trying to formulate the words necessary in that moment. As my hands drifted lower towards his abdomen, the blonde's hands caught my own as he found the words he had been looking for.
"We don't have to do this. You still have a choice." Ravus murmured, his eyes roaming my face for any sign of hesitance.
"If not now, then when? We're running out of time and the empire will come knocking sooner rather than later." I practically pleaded, clutching at his hands tightly.
His gaze drifted downwards towards our joined hands, his thumbs running across my knuckles in a gentle manner.
"For all the logic you spout, it does not make this any better. You should be sharing this with someone you love, not out of fear of consequences." My husband stated, bringing his gaze back up to my own once more.
"I'm no blushing bride, I had my first love before we married. You won't be stealing anything from me, Ravus."
I wanted to be as honest as possible with my husband, despite the hurt it caused me to reflect on my past relationship.
"In another life, I had hoped we could have come to love each other and that this act could hold more meaning to us. The wishes of a hopeless fool."
Ravus pulled my hands up to press a quick kiss to the top of them, sighing deeply before opening his eyes once more.
"It is a noble wish, but I harbor no ill will towards you for this. I rather share this with you than a heartless man who would take what he believes he is owed." I assured him.
I stretched up onto my toes to wrap my arms around his neck, refusing to break his gaze.
"I would have you take me to bed, high commander." I requested in a whisper.
"If we are to do this, we are simply Ravus and Eun-Byeol. Titles have no place here." He said in return, pushing a lock of dark hair away from my face.
A small smile found its way onto my face, my heart finding his words endearing among all the tension and nerves that plagued me.
"Soo, call me Soo." I whispered, my hand coming to rest on his cheek.
"Soo, then." He replied, his voice quiet, and his tone soft.
A pause fell between us, I was then that I pulled him down to meet my lips in a chaste kiss. Our first kiss since our wedding day.
Ravus' hands remained respectfully above my waist, his grip tightening in obvious restraint. Thus, leaving me to lead him in the direction I desired.
My kisses became more demanding, my fingers tangling in pale locks. Ravus' resistance was slowly crumbling as our kisses became more frantic, his hands drifting downwards to grip at my hips. I was sure to find bruises wrapping around them come morning, it was just shy of being painful.
We broke apart for only a moment, the need for air just as demanding as our kisses had been.
In that moment, a conflicted expression flitted across Ravus' face before disappearing behind his mask of indifference.
His large hands moved from my waist to the backs of my thighs, lift me up to be face-to-face with him easily. My arms locked around his neck, hanging on tightly as he moved us towards the bed.
I was gently deposited on our shared bed, Ravus coming to hover over me as he reinitiated our kiss.
Naked skin met for the first time as night clothes fell away, hands burning paths across our bodies.
I tried to lose myself in the moment, to give myself over to my husband as he had with me. But the passion that slowly burned between us was not enough to distract my mind from wandering.
I tried to imagine Ravus' hands were Orion's, that it was his lips kissing a trail down my sternum as I grasped at his hair. That it was my first love guiding me towards my peak.
But every time my eyes turned downwards, the hair was the wrong color; the shoulders not as broad, the hands gripping my thighs thinner and aristocratic, not thick and calloused. My eyes closed, choosing to weave a fantasy within my mind in order to take me away from this reality.
But even in my mind's eye, black hair turned blonde, dark eyes became a light blue, and the face significantly more delicate than strong.
It lasted for both an eternity and hardly a moment. I opened my eyes as Ravus pulled away, moving to sit at the edge of the bed.
I propped myself up on my elbows, remaining in the blankets and sheets.
We didn't speak as he collected his night clothes from the floor, keeping his head low and avoiding my eyes.
The former prince dressed quickly, crossing the bedroom at an even faster pace, reaching the door to the outer rooms of our apartments. He paused for a moment, turning his head a bit but continuing to avoid my gaze.
"I'm sorry." His apology was barely more than a whisper, but in the silence of our bedroom, it was as loud as a shout. It was all he said before slipping away into the sitting room.
SO, essentially what happens is exactly as discussed by Luna, Ravus and Soo; Soo and Ravus do sleep together tho it is done under pressure, hence the content warning. Soo tries to disassociate and rely on her memories of Orion to lessen the trauma. But instead of her previous relationship providing relief, Ravus' features still bleed through.
As always, please fave/follow/review. Thank you for reading!