Chapter 5: The Fight to Fit In
A/N 1: Before you guys read this, just know it might be a bit on the depressing side. The reason being that I wanted to put focus on Connor's doubts when he first joined the pride. Not to worry though; this chapter does have a happy ending.
You know, it's funny.
If someone had told me one year ago that I would be saved by a pride of lions and then be made a member of their pride, by their king, I would have told that person that they needed psychiatric help. And yet here I am now, in EXACTLY that kind of situation. Now don't get me wrong; being accepted as a pride member is downright awesome, but that still doesn't erase the feeling of doubt in my mind. I mean, yeah I'm grateful to Mufasa for saving my life and Sarabi for saving me from madness, but that still doesn't exclude the fact that they're still lions, and I'm human. They are still wild animals that could see me as their next meal, and while all they've shown me is kindness and compassion, I still can't help but feel cautious around them in the back of my mind.
Then, of course, there are the nightmares. Or to be more specific, a single nightmare that I've been reliving for the past two weeks every time I fall asleep. It's the vision of my family in the jeep...my parents fighting off the poachers...and TJ reaching out for me to help him. Whenever I try to run to him, I feel like I'm trudging through thick mud; that my world is in slow motion, forcing me to suffer through every second before the jeep finally explodes into a terrifying inferno. By the time the flames reach me, I end up waking up with an increased heart rate and in tears, knowing that each time I have that dream, I would be forced to remember that it was my fault that my family was gone, and I could do nothing to stop it.
I was hoping that this time would be different though. After I was made a pride member, Mufasa thought I deserved a proper rest after my harrowing ordeal earlier that day. Fortunately, the lionesses had to leave for the hunt and Mufasa had to go on patrol of his kingdom, so I had the cave all to myself. With my sleeping bag laid out and my bag for a pillow, I was ready to rest properly. Luckily I did, and for a long time I think...at least until the growling started to wake me up…
Wait...growling?
I open my eyes at this new, fearful sound and turn to see yet another male lion just a few feet away from me and getting closer. He had a rather sleek build for a predator of his size, with a rusty brown pelt, a mane as black as the night, and a pair of green eyes that were at the moment staring daggers at me, indicating he was not happy to see me.
"Human…" He spoke with a silky voice, laced with venomous anger and hatred.
Yep...definitely NOT happy to see me…
The moment he got down into a crouch, showing that he was ready to attack, I started to panic for the third time since I arrived here and slowly scooted my way towards the entrance, since I couldn't really use my leg. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get far, as the lion pounced on me with ease as one of his paws held me down by the chest, his claws slowly extending to cling to my shirt, threatening to tear away it AND my flesh as well.
"I must say: You are quite bold for trespassing onto Pride Rock without foreseeing the consequences. Suicidal...but bold nonetheless." As he leered down at me, I got a chance to notice the scar on his left eye, leaving a pink mark on his face amongst his dark-colored fur. How he got such a mark would be a question saved for later, for at the moment I had to try and convince him that I was in fact welcome here, and not some intruder.
"W-wait! I'm not a trespasser! I was made a member of the pride by the king himself. It's the truth! I swear!" I pleaded with the enraged predator, hoping it was enough for him to let me go. Then, I heard him let out a dark chuckle, which is never a good sign.
"Telling such tall tales won't keep you alive boy...In fact..." he proceeded to press his free paw down on my head, exposing my neck completely. "They make me want to kill you that much quicker."
Gazing out of the corner of my eye, I could see him bring his head down slowly, his teeth bared and ready to bite down on my neck. Was this it for me? Was I really going to face death again and lose? Especially after I was accepted and wouldn't have to worry about being alone?
"SCAR! What in blazes do you think you are doing!?" A new British voice quickly made its way into the cave, causing the lion to stop just inches from my throat to give it his attention.
Looking in the same direction, I soon see a blue feathered hornbill fly towards us and land by my head just inches away. Man did this bird look perturbed, though I was surprised at the fact he was mouthing off to a great big lion. Talk about gutsy.
"Stay out of this Zazu!" The lion named Scar swiped at the hornbill, causing it to back away before hovering in place. "This is between me and this human whelp!" And just like that, he was back to trying to bite my neck off, forcing me to close my eyes as I prepared for my end once more.
But once again, it never came. Instead, it was replaced by a loud and terrifying roar. A roar that belonged to none other than the Lion King himself, with his queen right by his side.
"Scar, remove your paws from the boy...RIGHT...NOW." Mufasa spoke with anger in his words, baring his fangs at Scar with the last two words, forcing the smaller of the two lions to remove his paws from my person and allow me to breathe again.
"Connor!" Sarabi called to me as she quickly rushed to my side and helped me to a sitting position so I could get air back into my lungs. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" She proceeded to look me over for extra measure, adding in a sniff to make sure there was no blood.
"I-I'm fine Sarabi...just a bit shaken up…" I answer as I bring my hand up to rest on the lioness' neck.
"Oh, thank the Great Kings. I knew we shouldn't have left you alone." With her words of relief spoken, she rests her head on my shoulder, allowing me to wrap my arms around her neck in a hug.
"So...what Zira said is true...You really DID let that "thing" join the pride." Scar glared at Mufasa before directing his gaze at me. The look in his eyes was terrifying, to say the least, and it made me want to cower, even with protection so close to me.
"You know brother, I've seen you make some rather questionable actions before, like letting those outside lionesses join our pride and allowing them to bear their cubs here...But letting this human into our home, when you are about to become a father yourself, is without a doubt the most reckless decision you have ever made as king."
Mufasa just glared at Scar as he berated his choices as king, but I was more surprised at the fact that this menacing beast, who nearly took my life, was Mufasa's own flesh and blood. I couldn't help but shiver as I thought about my close call, leaving Sarabi to nuzzle me out of comfort, while Mufasa stepped in front of us, making sure his brother's attention was solely on him.
"First of all brother: Those lionesses grew up in the Pridelands as cubs and had every right to return here, regardless of their conditions. Secondly, his name is Connor. And while he may be human, he is no different than a lost and injured cub who needs a place to call home." Mufasa spoke proudly as he looked back at me with a trusting smile. Once again, I felt safe knowing he and Sarabi were here to protect me.
"Is that so? Perhaps you have forgotten the stories we were told about humans. How they drove OUR grandfather, the great King Mohatu, out of his original home while they burned his land to ash and slaughtered his entire pride! What's to say this human is any different from them?!" My eyes widened as Scar spoke with such rage, and I couldn't help but ponder what he said.
Were humans truly responsible for that much chaos in their history? If that was the case...what did that make me?
I continued to ponder these thoughts until I heard Mufasa speak up. "I have not forgotten brother, but I also remember a lesson taught to the both of us by our mother, Queen Uru: Individuals should not be judged by what species they are, but by how their actions affect others. So yes, Connor is human, but he also has a kind heart; one that would never bring us harm." Mufasa kept his gaze on me as he spoke, but my mind was still contemplating what Scar said before about my kind. Did the king really trust me enough to let me stay with the pride?
"Hmph, do what you wish then brother." Scar scoffed as he took his leave, his older brother watching his every move cautiously. "Just know that if, and when, this little cretin DOES betray you, I will be there to put an end to his miserable life."
As he makes his threat, Sarabi moves in front of me, snarling at Scar as if she was protecting a cub until he finally takes his leave.
"I swear Mufy, it seems like your brother's attitude is only getting worse the older he gets. Surely there must be something you can do." Sarabi looks at her mate, confessing her concerns towards the younger of the two brothers.
"Believe me, dear, I know...but right now, we have other matters to attend to." And by that, of course, he meant me, who was surprisingly silent during this whole ordeal.
"Connor?" I hear her call to me, waiting for an answer. When I give none, she carefully nudges her nose against my cheek, hoping to get something out of me. "Connor, are you okay?
"...Yeah...I'm alright…" When I spoke, I did not look at the lioness and it seemed as though my volume went down a bit. It became painfully obvious to the king and queen that this encounter with Scar had an unknown effect on my psyche, and I could tell they didn't want to press the matter any further.
"Well, we just wanted to let you know that the lionesses came back from their hunt and are ready to feast. You are more than welcome to join us, of course."
At the sound of food, my stomach began to rumble, letting out an audible gurgle, which meant that I needed to eat soon.
"Sure...I'm gonna need some help though…" As I tried to stand, avoiding putting any pressure on my leg, the two lions were quick to make their way over to me so I could use them for support. With a quick nod, the three of us made our way over towards the entrance of the cave, where the rest of the pride was resting before the two kills from their hunt: a zebra and a wildebeest. Sarafina was the first to notice us make our way over and see something was off about me. However, with a silent shake of the head from Sarabi, she reluctantly nodded and put her focus back on the meal.
When we finally made it over to the kills, I decided to scoot over towards my backpack so I could observe the pride while munching on some of the jerky I had left. I don't know why, but I just...felt like I had to keep my distance from the pride for the time being.
As I watched the lions eat from my spot, I took notice of a certain difference between this pride and a natural lion pride. That difference being, that Mufasa let the lionesses eat first before partaking in the meal himself, instead of the other way around, which I found interesting. I honestly don't know what Scar was talking about; Mufasa had to be an admirable king if he put his pride's needs before his own.
As I watched the pride eat, while munching on my own snack, I failed to notice one of the lionesses make her way over towards me, a chunk of meat in her mouth. "Excuse me…"
"Hm?" I shake my head quickly to regain my senses and finally notice said lionesses standing in front of me. She had chocolate brown fur with a creamy brown underbelly and golden yellow eyes that held an innocent curiosity. Speaking of bellies, hers was starting to be on the round side, which meant she must've been one of the cub-bearing lionesses when she came to the Pridelands.
"Would it be okay if I sat with you? You look like you could use some company." Her voice was muffled by the meat, but she smiled nonetheless, and luckily I was able to understand her, so I was able to nod and scoot over a bit so she could lay down next to me and eat her meal.
"Talk about an exciting day. I'm Neema by the way." She introduced herself to me with her smile now free of the meat. "It's nice to properly meet you, Connor."
"Nice to meet you too Neema." I gave her a weak smile as I held my palm out to her, which she gratefully nuzzled. She certainly seemed like a nice enough girl...but once again, I couldn't help but feel that doubt surge towards the surface.
"So, what do you think of the pride so far? I was a little worried when I came back at first, but when I saw my childhood friends there to greet me, I knew I had nothing to worry about."
As Neema continued to speak, I felt my gaze slowly drift towards her middle, where I could see her chest and belly rise and fall as she took her breaths. As I continued to gaze, I eventually heard a giggle from my female companion, causing me to blush out of embarrassment and shame for not paying attention.
"You can feel it if you want. But I think it might be a couple of weeks before any real activity picks up." She shrugs as she points this out, giving her middle a lick for emphasis when nothing happened.
"Do...do you know what you're having?" I asked nervously, hoping that I wasn't overstepping any boundaries, and yet, she continued to smile. I guess she was enjoying our little conversation.
"I'm not sure yet, but I'm looking forward to when I do. I'll be certain to let you know too since you seem pretty curious yourself." She gives me a playful wink, leading me to chuckle lightly in response.
For the next couple of hours, Neema and I continued to chat with each other...If you could call me turning our conversations into small talk chatting that is. It wasn't long before the light of the night sky shone into the cave and the pride started to turn in for the night. Neema wished me good night before joining her pride sisters, while I set up my sleeping bag a fair distance away from the sleeping lions. It may take me some time, but maybe once I've overcome my nightmare, I could eventually sleep with the lionesses without a shred of worry.
Unfortunately, the hopes of me adjusting to pride life started to dwindle. As the week rolled on, I started to distance myself further from the pride and became more cautious in the process. The nightmare continued to haunt me, even in this new environment and made sleeping next to impossible. I also stopped eating after the second week, when I finished off the last of my food. By the beginning of the third week, I found myself huddled up by the cave entrance, away from the pride. It was evening, and everyone was enjoying a meal of antelope and warthog. Though I couldn't see it, I could tell the entire pride was watching me...analyzing me...trying to figure out what was making me distance myself from them.
Eventually, Neema finally decided to make the first move and make her way over to me, once again with meat in her mouth, but this time it was meant for me.
"Hey...I brought you some warthog...I thought you might be hungry." She spoke softly as she set the chunk down by my feet, hoping I would at the very least acknowledge its presence.
"...I'm good…" Nothing, not even a twitch as I continued to stare off into nothingness.
"You sure?" She nudged it towards me with her paw. "You look like you could use the extra food."
"...No thank you…" I started to curl up as Neema continued to try to reach me.
"Connor...please, you need to eat something. Everyone is starting to worry about you. The king and queen are worried abo-"
"I SAID NO!" I shouted at Neema forcefully, finally facing her, allowing her and the rest of the pride to get a good look at my face: I looked overly tired, pale, and above all else, miserable. To the lionesses, however, it was a look they easily recognized; a look of familiarity for them.
When I saw the frightened face of Neema before me, my own features fell in sorrow. "I-I'm sorry, I...I didn't mean to...I…I just…I need to be alone for a while." And just like that, I slowly started to drag myself towards the mouth of the cave, out of sight from the big cats, until all I could hear was the worried voice of Neema. "Was it something I did wrong?"
By the time night fell, I was still laying against the cold stone of the entrance to the main cave. I assumed the pride was already asleep by now since no one came out to check on me since my outburst. Not that I could blame them. After all, I've done nothing but avoid them and keep to myself. Talk about selfish...Hmm, I guess this is what depression feels like. With the sense of loneliness creeping up on me after so many weeks, I felt that I needed to get some air and decided to hobble my way up the ramp that would no doubt lead me to Pride Rock's summit… completely unaware that two pairs of eyes, one amber, and the other ruby, were watching me from inside the cave.
I'm honestly not sure how long I sat at the edge of the summit, nor did I care. I just kept my focus on the stars...hoping to see a sign...a miracle...anything...so long as it could help erase the pain in my heart because right now, it was hurting more than my broken leg ever would. As I continued to gaze up at the stars, I started to hear the padding of paws make their way over to me until the beings responsible took a seat on each side of me; Mufasa on my right, and Sarabi on my left.
"Beautiful, aren't they?" Mufasa started, his eyes fixed on the stars. "You know, my father used to tell me that Great Kings who passed on long ago would watch over us from the stars, always making sure we could receive their guidance when we needed it most." I remained silent as the king spoke. "And it would appear to me that you need some guidance yourself." It was at this moment that Mufasa turned his gaze towards me, along with Sarabi who took this time to speak as well. "Connor, I can understand that what you're going through is difficult, to say the least. But we want you to know that we are here for you, so you don't have to go through this alone." Sarabi tried to nuzzle my cheek, but I quickly hid my face, causing her to frown.
"...Was it true?" I finally spoke to Mufasa, though my voice was weak and quiet to start.
"Was what true?" Mufasa looked at me with confusion, wondering what I was talking about.
"What Scar said...about humans...Was it true?" My voice finally found volume for now I was sure both he and Sarabi heard me that time as they both hung their heads in response to the question.
"...Yes...it's true Connor…" Mufasa kept his gaze down as he spoke, bringing my suspicion from weeks ago to light.
"So why?" I hugged my knees, not even caring about the pain in my leg. "Why did you save me from the hyenas? Why did you accept me into your pride, if you knew what I was?" My voice starts to turn into a haggard yell.
"How is it that I can somehow understand you and be treated with compassion when logically there should be a language barrier and I would've been eaten on the spot!? At least then I could...I could…" I start to sniffle as the tears come down. "I could be with my family again…" I had finally broken...after building up all my frustration and grief, it finally shattered me and reduced me to a sobbing mess.
"Why did they have to die...while I lived on? Why did they have to leave me? I hate being alone...I don't want to be alone…" The words finally stopped as I was reduced to a weeping heap once more. I felt terrible knowing that in front of the very creatures who brought me into their lives, I was crying my eyes out like some little child.
Yet, just like before, when I first arrived here, the king and queen of pride rock did what I least expected: they pulled me close with their paws and held onto me nice and tight.
"There you go...let it all out...It's okay...we're right here." Sarabi whispered into my ear as she rested her head on my neck. For the longest time, I stayed in their embrace as I let out all of the sorrow and grief that had built up in my heart. And you know what? It felt good...actually, it felt great. So what if I could talk to animals now? So what if I was part of a pride now? I was finally able to talk to someone, to cry with someone, to share my pain with someone, and in turn, it was making me feel better.
"Feel better now?" Sarabi asked me as we pulled away and I was able to wipe the tears off my face with a nod.
"Connor, do you want to know why I saved you that day and let you join our pride?" I merely looked at Mufasa as he smiled knowingly at me. "It was because when I saw you, I didn't see some ruthless monster from all those stories told by my grandfather. What I saw was a lost and lonely child that only needed one thing: a family." As Mufasa explained, Sarabi sat next to him, as if preparing for something big, at least in my opinion.
"Which is why Mufasa and I wanted to ask you something rather important."
Here it comes…
"I know we could never replace your family… but Mufasa and I were wondering if you would like to be a part of our family."
Wow...this night just got crazier...I mean...did they really just ask me something THAT big?
"R-really? You want me to be a part of your family?"
Both Mufasa and Sarabi chuckled at my question before responding. "Well, it's like Sarabi said: we may not be able to replace your true family. But at least with us, you'll have a loving father, a caring mother.."
"And soon enough, a little brother to play with." Sarabi finished, placing a paw on her growing middle.
Hearing the sincerity in their words, a smile graced my lips as I scooted forward and hugged the two lions; my new mother and father. "I think I would like that very much." And like that I buried my face into Mufasa's mane as we hugged, happy that I finally got a second chance at having a family.
"Wait...what about the others? I still feel bad about how I acted towards them." As I say this, Mufasa smirks down at me and moves away.
"Why don't you ask them yourself?"
And right behind him, they stood: the rest of the lionesses from the pride, watching the whole scene with warm smiles on their faces. My focus, however, was on making sure I could apologize to them.
So I slowly made my way over until I could sit right in front of them. "Hey...I'm sorry for how I've been acting. I know you were trying to help...Can you ever forgive me?" As I finish my apology, Sarafina is the first to approach me and when she does, she responds by licking my cheek and pressing her forehead against my own. "Of course, we can... Like I said before: We all know what it's like to lose someone precious to you, so we will do what we can to help you through that time of grief." Then like a domino effect, the rest of the pride comes up to me and engulfs me in a sea of nuzzles.
It was at this moment that I truly felt loved again.
I finally had a family again.
Finally...I felt like I was home.
A/N: Hooweee! I think THIS is the longest chapter I've written so far. So Connor has finally the pride, and more officially, Mufasa and Sarabi as his family. In the next chapters, we will see how Connor truly adjusts to life in the Pridelands, while spending some quality time with the lionesses. Until then, don't forget to review and enjoy the chapter.
Neema=Grace