Iruka was an hour into some chakra-leveling meditation when there was a soft thump on his door. When he opened the door and saw no one there, he was relieved to find his first reaction was annoyance. Even the heavy sensation of being watched was more irritating than frightening. The fact that it was still daylight helped. He looked around and then spotted the mark on his door. His eyes dropped to the dumpling lying on the balcony. He sighed and stepped back, opening the door wide enough for Anko to sweep in. He ignored her until he had fetched a rag and cleaned the mark off his door, and disposed of the dumpling.

"I really don't think you need to be this sneaky," he told her.

Anko shrugged and trudged over to sit at the table. "If you don't like sneaky, think of it as being discreet." She turned to flash him a pointed look. "I hear that's right up your alley."

The emphasis she placed on the last word was enough to have Iruka's hackles rising. If that rumor was still making the rounds then so be it. He didn't want to hear about it in his own apartment, not from her. "How did your mission with Raidou go?"

Her lips quirked and she turned away again. "He's a lying liar who lies. He could have done that mission on his own, easy. He didn't need backup. But that's another A-Rank for me, so I won't complain too much." She fished her coffee tin out of the bag hanging off her hip and tapped it on the table. "Fix us each a cup. I used berries this time. That would go better with tea, but it's not bad."

No, the coffee wasn't bad, but it wasn't good, either. The berries were more sour than sweet. Iruka grimaced after taking a sip. "You like this?"

"Nope," she said cheerfully. "But I shared, so you can provide the next cup."

Of course. They drank in silence for a few minutes before he realized she was waiting for him to ask. He honestly didn't feel like playing her games today. He set his mug down and waved at the door. "I didn't finish the sensor. I was waiting for you to supervise before I attempt the rest. But if you just returned from your mission, we can do it tomorrow."

"No, we can't," she said. "I nabbed a breeze while I was dropping off my report. I'll be leaving first thing in the morning, so we'll have to get that sensor set up before I crash. It shouldn't take long if you stopped at the 'mess this up and you'll lose your hands' part." She grinned at him. "Is that where you stopped?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I wasn't exaggerating. But," she drained her mug and pushed it at him, "we'll get to that in a bit. Are you really not going to ask?"

"I really don't care what people are saying about me," Iruka told her frankly. "Giving gossips something to talk about just encourages them to continue gossiping. As far as I'm concerned that is a waste of time for everyone involved."

Anko sighed at him. "I thought we already covered this. They're going to talk because that's the quickest way to share and gather information, which is what shinobi do. The point is to get them talking about what you want them to talk about, so they don't have as much time to talk about what you don't want them to talk about. Rumors can be useful. They can also be downright dangerous. You need to care what people are saying about you."

He didn't feel like arguing the point. "If you want to tell me, please hurry so we can finish the sensor. You'll need to rest if you're heading back out first thing in the morning."

"Fine, spoil my fun. I don't get to have fun very often, you know. It wouldn't kill you to play along."

Iruka poured her some of his coffee and then sat down with his arms folded over his chest. He stared blandly at her. It didn't take long before she cracked and scowled.

"Fine," she muttered. "Raidou says Kurenai was asking around about you. You know her?"

"I don't think we've met. I've heard the name, though. She works at the academy sometimes, for genjutsu classes."

"That's the one. Genjutsu expert, red eyes, long black hair, very lady-like demeanor. You'd remember her if you ever met her. Not the sort of kunoichi to suddenly start asking around about a man, much less a chunin. She runs with Sarutobi Asuma."

"Sarutobi?" Iruka would never have guessed Asuma was part of the Third Hokage's family. Why would someone with connections like that be slumming at the chunin bar?

"Don't try to distract me," Anko said, in a lecturing tone. "I know Asuma was in the bar that night. I also know who else was in the bar that night and what he did to you at the hospital. Do you want to talk about that?"

"No," Iruka said flatly.

She flashed him a grin. "Let me know if you change your mind. In the meantime, here's what we're working with. Raidou is convinced that Kurenai and your stalker are both focused on you because one of their other two friends is interested in you. Since Asuma lives in Kurenai's pocket, Raidou is convinced it has to be Guy. Have you met Maito Guy?"

Iruka sighed and rubbed his temple. Why did he need to care about any of this? If she knew Kakashi had approached him in both the bar and the hospital then she already knew any other rumors she had heard were nonsense. What did it matter what other people were saying? "I don't think so," he muttered. "I really don't-"

"I know," she interrupted, "you don't care. I'm telling you anyway for your own good so you'll be prepared. You'd know Guy if you saw him. Black bowl cut, thick eyebrows, shiny teeth, lots of muscles shown off by skin tight green spandex."

That caught Iruka's attention. He had seen that person. That was a perfect description of the disturbed jounin who had been lecturing the training post the other day. "I think I saw him recently. Is he mentally ill?"

Anko sputtered out a laugh. "No! Guy's eccentric, not crazy. But Raidou now thinks Guy has the hots for you, and Raidou isn't the sort to keep that to himself. So be prepared for Guy to completely twist whatever Raidou says to him. My guess? I think you have about twelve hours at most before Guy hunts you down to confront you about you having the hots for him."

"Are you serious?" Iruka demanded. "Why? Based on what?"

"Rumors. I told you, you need to care what people are saying. And you especially need to care about what someone like Raidou is saying, and who he is saying it to. I tried to shut him down," she said quickly. "Honest. But he wasn't buying any talk about you and me being a potential couple. He knows me better than that. He was just using that as an excuse to get me alone with him, and to pick my brain about you to see if I thought you were a good match for Guy."

"Guy," Iruka repeated, in a strained voice. "A man I have never even spoken to. I saw him once. He didn't see me. He doesn't even know what I look like."

"That won't matter to Guy," Anko shrugged. "He'll find you and then he'll decide if he wants to let you down gently or return your interest."

"I don't have any interest," Iruka snapped. "I don't even know him. There must be some way to stop this."

"You could go find Guy yourself and tell him to ignore anything Raidou says. But it's probably too late for that. I think Raidou headed straight to him the second he dropped off his report."

Iruka's hands curled into fists. His chest stung with sudden indigestion and he couldn't tell if his stomach was roiling from anxiety or anger. This was utterly ridiculous. "You couldn't stop him?"

"I told you, I tried that. It was already too late. This was set in motion the second Kurenai asked him about you. Even if I hadn't gone on that mission with him, he still would have been running off to meddle the second he got back. At least this way you have some warning. And it's Guy," she laughed. "You could have a lot worse people looking for you. Just be prepared for it and you'll probably find it funny. You might even like him. He's even more of a 'nice guy' than you are." She laughed as if that was the most hilarious thing ever.

Iruka seethed and glared until she finally noticed he wasn't sharing her amusement. "This isn't funny."

"It isn't the end of the world, either," she scoffed. "Why are you freaking out? If he asks you out, just turn him down and explain that it was a misunderstanding on Raidou's part. Odds are Guy will be the one turning you down. Rumor has it he's either extremely discreet, which doesn't fit Guy, or he's saving himself for true love. The only hook-ups he makes are with sparring partners." She grinned suddenly. "That's an option you could go with. Just hang out around the training areas and no one will be around when he finds you. Then if it gets all awkward just offer to spar with him. That will having him eager to jump your bones in a completely platonic way."

"I officially hate you," Iruka informed her quietly. "You are enjoying this far too much."

"Only because it's harmless," she said defensively. "And it is harmless. It's Guy."

Iruka dropped his head so his eyes rested against his palms. "How would he even find me?"

"Oh, he'll find you. He's Anbu."

His stomach lurched into his throat and he shoved away from the table violently.

"What?" Anko blurted. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm going to go throw up," he said tightly. "When I'm done throwing up we're going to get that sensor finished. Then you're going to leave and I'm going to hide in the deepest hole I can find for the next twelve hours."

"It's not that bad," she called after him. "Really! It's just Guy!"

.-.

Genma was making a late start on his rounds in the mission room. After failing to find Anko last night he had decided to stop by the restaurant one of Ibiki's suspects tended to frequent and then he had consumed far too much cheap sake for his stomach to handle. Fruitful, though, and worth the hangover. It turned out a mysterious and sudden stomach bug had hit the T&I department the night that scroll somehow moved itself. Obviously poison. But those chunin weren't the good T&I sort of chunin, they were the sort who had applied for that particular desk-job because they couldn't handle the stress of the mission room. Dull and unimaginative and, apparently, not too bright. None of them had wanted to admit that they had abandoned their post repeatedly in order to deal with explosive diarrhea. Right. Because admitting they had the runs was worse than being suspected of treason.

Ibiki had been so disgusted and confounded he hadn't even complained about the way Genma had slurred drunkenly while giving the report. He did insist that Genma find proof of the alleged poisoning, though. Even having to spend a few sobering hours helping an Inuzuka's nindog dig through the dumpsters had turned out to be convenient. He had needed to empty his stomach anyway by the time they found what they were looking for. He had ended his very late night with one mystery solved and a worse one created. The scroll hadn't been moved by one of their regulars, but it had been moved by someone familiar with the kitchen. Outsiders didn't even knew where the kitchen was located in the T&I building to prevent just that sort of thing. Either it was one of their special jounin or jounin, or it was one of their potential recruits. If it was one of the recruits then figuring out which one was guilty, without scaring off the innocent ones, was going to be a nightmare. At least it wouldn't be his nightmare. Most of the shinobi they had their eyes on knew exactly what function he served within the village so he couldn't be the one snooping around them.

His opinion was that it was time for Ibiki to pull rank on their own people. A quick dose of drugs to ensure honesty, or a mind probe for those immune to those particular drugs, and they could question everyone within the department in order to officially rule them out. Then they could do the same to those recruits who were not the skittish type. Some of them, like Anko, wouldn't have any issue complying with a request like that. Then they would only have to investigate a few people instead of dozens. He really hoped Ibiki accepted a few Anbu off the list the Hokage had given him. They could spy on the suspects without direct contact and no one would question it. But it was out of his hands now. Ibiki would do what he thought best and Genma could get back to doing what he did best, damage control.

He was doing his part to dispel a rumor about a certain Hyuuga who had been spotted using the Byakugan suspiciously close to a women's bath house when someone flicked his ear. He broke off mid-sentence, flashing a quick look behind him. Anko crooked a finger at him and vanished into the crowd. He quickly finished up. "If he was scoping the ladies he wouldn't have been using the Byakugan. That just shows the outline of the body and the chakra paths inside. No details, you can't even tell the gender of what you're looking at."

"Really?" asked the man he had been talking to.

"Yeah, outside of battle, the Byakugan isn't as great as people think. Besides, he's married and his wife is gorgeous."

The man muttered at that, complaining about how the clan members got all the hot ones. Genma commiserated with him for a bit and then slipped away. Anko was waiting for him just outside.

"Take a break," she said. "We need to talk."

Genma grimaced. "I just got in. I'm running a bit late today."

"I have to crash in a bit," said Anko, "so this won't take long. You wouldn't get much done until after dark, anyway."

He followed her to a rooftop that was more exposed than he would have picked, but it also would make it very difficult for anyone to get close enough to eavesdrop.

"So," she started, "you dropped by my apartment last night. What was that about?"

"How did you know?" Genma asked in surprise. "No one saw me."

"You touched my door," Anko said, in a patronizing tone. "I knew the second I got home. So?"

He sighed and dropped into a comfortable squat. "I wanted to talk to you about the rumors."

"Oh, you're going to insult my intelligence. Spare me. I know you started the rumors. I know why you did. And, in case you haven't noticed, I'm playing into those rumors. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about. Why is Iruka afraid of Anbu?"

Genma shook his head at her. He should have known she was a few steps ahead of him. That was both an embarrassment and a relief. Her question, on the other hand, confused him. "Why would you think he's afraid of Anbu?"

"Because the thought of an Anbu hunting him down had him puking his guts up."

"Most people would be upset by the thought of that," Genma pointed out. "But why would Iruka be worried about an Anbu hunting him down? Iruka never does anything wrong. Ever. I'm not exaggerating. It's sad how straight-laced he is. I thought he was trying to loosen up a little with that trip to the bar, but nope. He's the same as always."

Anko sighed and finally squatted down across from him. "Raidou has a big mouth. You know that."

Yes, he did. And with Kurenai doing the asking it wasn't hard to guess what assumption Raidou had made. Maybe Iruka did have a valid reason to be worried about an Anbu hunting him down. Genma winced. "Which Anbu?"

"Guy."

"This is all Kurenai's fault," Genma muttered. "I knew something like this would happen. What was she thinking, asking Raidou?"

Anko shrugged. "Raidou likes to talk, and he's probably one of the few people she knows who has ever met Iruka. But you still haven't answered my question. What's Iruka's issue with Anbu?"

"In this case?" Genma made a face. "Probably the fact that it's not just any Anbu, it's Guy. I wouldn't want Guy showing up on my doorstep thinking I'm attracted to him, either. Yes, the man is built like a beast, but the posing? The green spandex? That nice guy thing? I'd be a little queasy, too."

"Are you really going to play dumb? With me? I know about Kakashi. Kotetsu said they were getting along just fine at the bar before Kakashi pissed him off. Kotetsu was surprised, too, because he said that was the first time he ever saw Iruka say more than two words to anyone above Chunin aside from you. He talks to you, so you tell me. What's his issue with the higher-ups? What's he hiding?"

Genma let out a long sigh. "Iruka isn't a spy. He isn't T&I material. He's just shy. I don't know why he's so shy, he just is."

"A spy?" Anko burst into laughter. "He's a pro when it comes to not telling anything personal about himself, but he blushes like a virgin and wears his heart on his sleeve. Who thinks he's a spy?"

"You'd be surprised," Genma muttered. "The word normal gets thrown around a lot. That's enough to make some people very suspicious."

"Alright," she smiled. "If you really don't have any information to give me, I'll let you get back to work. Keep playing damage control, but don't start any new rumors about him. He's mine now. Got it?"

No, he didn't 'get it' at all. He gave her a probing look. "Are you actually interested in him?"

"Not like that. He's definitely not my type. But he's funny and weird and I kind of like him." She let out a little huff, smiled, and then stood up. "Iruka is fun to tease and not much is fun around here. I just don't want you starting a rumor that will have him going full hermit on me. And speaking of people who need to get out more, Raidou is lonely and horny. You should hit that. The man has some serious stamina. Not as much stamina as Iruka, but few people can keep going as long as Iruka can. That's one of the reasons I hope to be using Iruka a lot in the future."

Genma's mouth dropped open.

Anko smiled sweetly and reached down to catch the senbon before it could embed itself in his thigh. She gently placed it back in his mouth. "I was referring to Iruka's ability to run straight through long distance breezes, Genma. Not everyone is a pervert like you. But Raidou is a pervert like you, so hit that like the pervert you are, because the next time he flirts with me I'm going to cut his balls off. And since you're the reason Iruka's name was connected to mine, you're also the reason I just spent a night with Raidou panting after my ass. So my mutilating Raidou would be all your fault. So do your thing. Get him off my ass and onto your ass instead. Okay?" She patted his cheek. "Good boy."

He watched her teleport away. He didn't realize he was gaping again until he felt the senbon bite into his thigh. He winced and plucked it out. No, she definitely hadn't forgive him for hitting on her as a genin.

.-.
TBC