She was afraid.
Perhaps she had always been afraid.
Afraid of failure.
Afraid of weakness.
Afraid of rejection.
And so, she had decided to become strong.
So strong that she could never fail.
That she could never be called weak.
She ran until her lungs gasped.
And fought until her muscles screamed.
Until none around could equal her.
She created such a version of herself.
And retreated beneath its comforting shell.
She became perfect in their eyes.
Flawless.
Her brother a failure, in contrast.
Her heart bled for him.
Her flesh and blood.
Her only true friend.
And yet, she took comfort in his squalor.
Her facade only secure in their contrast.
She relished both their shares of affection as well as his reliance on her companionship.
She had succeeded in creating her illusion of strength.
A persona based on the foundation of a lie.
Yet one that enveloped her to the point that she herself began to believe it.
Until she was forced to leave the nest she had so perfectly crafted for herself.
Until the rug was torn out from under her.
Until she met them.
And came face to face with real strength.
Skill as bright as the silver of her eyes.
Brawn matched only by the strength of his smile.
Strength of character she could never hope to achieve.
They made her feel weak.
She hated them.
She rejected them.
And took refuge in her brother.
Confident he would stand by her.
After all, she was all he had.
But he was a pariah no longer.
And was overwhelmed by the genuine affection that he had never received.
Not even from her.
And she was alone.
Terrified as she felt her facade slipping out of her grasp.
So she isolated herself.
If her brother would abandon her, then she would reject him just the same.
She set about rebuilding her persona the only way she knew how.
Strength.
She would become strong.
Stronger than anyone.
And so she trained.
From night till dawn and from dawn till night.
Harder than anyone she trained.
Until her opportunity manifested before her.
Weapon in hand and an audience around them.
The girl stood there, eyes set in a hard silver.
This was her chance.
To prove that she was stronger.
To prove that she was better.
To win.
And she did.
Her heart soared, and her grin rose.
She relished the feeling.
She approached the vixen.
Prepared to gloat, prepared to hurt her as she had been hurt.
But then that hated girl laughed.
Laughed and smiled.
And genuinely congratulated her.
Her grin slipped.
And she came crashing back down as her victory crumbled before her eyes.
Why?
Why did she feel nothing?
Why did she feel like she had still lost?
Why was the girl so much better than her?
She ran.
She ran as tears fell from her eyes.
She ran faster than she ever had before.
She ran with no direction in sight.
Anywhere but there.
Away from those eyes that held something she did not.
Until they found her, the three of them.
She had hated them; she had scorned them.
Yet, they gave her compassion she did not understand.
Why?
She had shown two of them nothing but malice.
And her brother she had betrayed.
A stronger person would have been steadfast.
But she was weak.
And she wept in their comforting embrace.
Suddenly hate changed into something unfamiliar.
Something unfamiliar yet surprisingly not unpleasant.
She found she liked their smiles.
She liked their laughter.
Before she had even realized it had changed.
Their presence had become something desirable.
Something comforting.
And before long, she began to smile herself.
And she joined in their laughter.
Until it felt right.
Until they became her home.
And as they stood victorious on that stage, she found that their joy was worth more than the victory itself.
She realized she had changed.
And that frightened her.
That terrified her.
Her heart stopped.
Her blood ran cold.
It was as if the floor had crumbled from under her.
And a new world of unknowns had been opened in its place.
She found herself afraid to explore it yet afraid to reject it.
She was lost.
It was in such a state that he came.
With his unkempt hair and stupidly large smile.
Drunk off their victory and judging by his breath perhaps more.
As ignorant of the situation as always.
He sought her out in her time of turmoil.
And he told her something that changed everything.
He told her that he loved her.
She froze.
Her eyes widened.
Her hands trembled.
Her heart felt like it wanted to leap from her chest.
She wanted to run.
She wanted to scream.
She wanted to have an answer.
She found that she could only cry.
So cry she did.
Tears unbidden and uncontrolled.
Why?
She wasn't sure.
But of course, the good-natured idiot wouldn't leave her be.
And he embraced her tenderly.
She cried all the harder.
And she leaned into his embrace.
She wasn't sure if she loved him.
Or if she could even love.
But she wanted to stay in his arms.
She was afraid to leave them.
Afraid that it would all scatter to the wind if she did.
As ephemeral as a dream.
And so she stayed within them.
Even after they left the nest that had nurtured them into adulthood.
And she felt contentment and security of which she had never dreamed.
The strength to defeat any foe.
And a home filled with the smiles of the three most important people in her world.
She should have known it couldn't last.
Perhaps she had been afraid to acknowledge it.
Afraid to confront that undeniable truth.
The truth that she ruined all that was good.
That her own weakness would be the source of all ruin.
She stared down at it.
Two lines.
Two simples lines that condemned her.
Condemned her to uncontrollable change.
Suddenly her world had flipped on its head.
Everything was new.
Everything was terrifying.
Any semblance of control was torn from her grasp.
Suddenly the agility and strength she had so prided were erased.
Her movements were staggered.
Her endurance shot.
Her limbs weak.
She was trapped in an unfamiliar body that did not feel as though it were her own.
Trapped in a body that confined her to a comfortable prison of stagnation.
A prison that she had once considered home.
A world in which she had no agency.
Even her mind escaped her.
Her emotions rushed to extremes she couldn't prevent.
She felt hysterical.
She felt weak.
They didn't understand.
None of them did.
Her greatest friend told her it was a wonderful thing.
Her brother said he was happy for her.
And he was overjoyed.
She didn't know if she had ever seen him so overflowing with joy.
Thus she was trapped by her own weakness.
Too afraid to destroy their happiness.
Too afraid to tell them the truth.
So she put on a brittle smile.
Whether or not they realized, she knew not to this day.
Until that dreaded day arrived.
Pain.
She had never imagined she could be in such pain.
She felt like she might die.
Until finally, it stopped.
She had no time for relief.
As it was quickly replaced by the sounds of cries.
A shock of blond entered her vision.
And a fragile existence was placed in her hands.
She stared at it.
This child.
Her child.
A torrent of emotion overtook her.
What was this feeling?
Her hands trembled.
Her voice shook.
Tears spilled from her eyes.
Was this the worst moment of her life or the best?
She couldn't tell.
It frightened her.
She hated it.
Everything.
These emotions she couldn't recognize.
This child.
Herself.
And so she distanced herself.
As soon as she was able, she ran headfirst into her work.
Battle after battle.
Mission after mission.
Excuse after excuse.
At least this she understood.
At least here, she could feel strong.
At least with this, she could avert her eyes from herself.
Until even this last refuge was taken from her.
Until her own powerlessness, her own weakness, was shoved into her face.
By those eyes.
Those terrifying eyes darker than blood.
And something broke.
Something deep within her.
She tried to fix herself.
She tried to take comfort in them.
They said they loved her.
But they couldn't understand her.
They never understood her.
And so she decided to run.
Abandoning everything.
Abandoning everyone.
Ruining all that was good.
Destroying the home, they had built together.
A foot out the door, she stared one last time into those lilac eyes.
Those beautiful lilac eyes.
Something stirred in her.
It felt as if something was pulling at her.
It felt as if she might be making a mistake.
For just a moment, she hesitated.
Until she turned away from them both.
Her own heart and her daughter.
Disappearing into the night.
Mourning the person she wished she could have been.
Running away from the person she was.
To the only place where she had ever truly felt strong.
To a fragile illusion built on lies and half-truths.
For she was weak.
And she was afraid.