The smell of black licorice seemed to smother her and the flickering light was snuffed out, leaving her in complete darkness. She felt cold fingers press into the skin on her upper arms and then there was the rough blanket beneath her. Everything was frozen in place. Even though there was no light to see she closed her eyes and tried to find a new place to hide in the corners of her mind. The pain pierced her but couldn't reach where she stayed curled up small and hidden. Her head was spinning and she felt grateful for the drug that coursed through her broken body.

Tay reached down and clenched the sheet tight in her fist and tried to orient herself. She was in the bedroom. Her bedroom inside her own home. The quilt was cool and smooth, it didn't scratch her skin the way that blanket had. The ceiling was painted a plain white and wasn't covered in dust and grime with beams and pipes crisscrossing the space above. She kept her eyes open because closing them brought on the dark and the panic that came with the shadow world that haunted her.

Her chest felt tight and she bit at her lower lip to keep from calling out in fear. She felt him reach across her waist and her fingernails bit into her palms as she clenched her fists even tighter to keep from pushing him away. It was Spot. Not Morelli. She struggled to drill that fact into her head and willed her body to relax as he drew her to him and curled his body against hers.

"Breathe, doll."

She could feel the scream trapped behind her tongue and teeth and tried like hell to swallow it down. She reached down to where he held her waist and drew his hand up, placing it on the pillow next to her face. She turned it so his palm was facing her and traced the lines slowly. Heart line. Head line. Life line. Fate line. Sun line. She touched each one and repeated the names in her head. Tears burned in her eyes and she tried to blink quickly to keep them from falling but failed. The tight feeling in her chest only increased and she concentrated harder on Spot's palm. Life line, fate line…

"It's okay, doll. You're okay."

She could feel his warm breath on her neck. He smelled like peppermint. Not licorice. Tay clenched her teeth together to keep from letting out the sobs that seemed to be collecting inside. They were together. She wasn't alone. Heart line, head line…

His chest was pressed up against her protectively and she tried to match her own erratic breathing to his slow, even breaths. He had tried to reassure her that they were fine and he didn't need to work for a while but she wondered how long he would be able to stay there with her. She'd tried to prepare herself for that moment when he would leave and she'd be left alone. He couldn't stay with her forever. No matter how many times she had told herself that, it was too difficult to imagine and she curled tighter against him.

"Do you want to talk?"

"No."

He had asked the question every day since they'd finally left Manhattan and returned to Brooklyn. Each time she had answered the same way. There was no point in talking. If she was being honest, she'd have told him that it wasn't that she hadn't wanted to talk, she just couldn't.

She focused on the point where his hand was linked with hers, observing each callus and scar and wondering about the circumstances behind each one. Her skin was pale against Spot's tan skin and her breath hitched in her throat as she flashed back to Morelli's hands and the way they appeared so often in her nightmares.

"Spot." She managed to get that one word out from around the lump in her throat and it wasn't until that point that she allowed her tearful sobs to escape. She was overcome by waves of rage and humiliation. She turned over and pressed her face against Spot's chest, her shoulders shook as she clung to him. "I'm sorry."

She felt Spot's chest expand under her as he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He seemed to have something he wanted to say but he just ran his fingers through her hair. Tay counted his heartbeats and squeezed her eyes shut tight in an attempt to gain some control. She was home. She was safe. She was with him. It was over. Part of her wondered why it didn't feel that way.

It was several minutes before she could compose herself. Tay untangled herself from Spot and climbed out of the bed, reaching for her skirt and blouse laid out on the chair next to it. Spot had offered to buy her a whole new wardrobe but she'd relied on old hand-me-downs that she'd collected during her time in that boarding house. She'd never understood the necessity of things like corsets and ruffles and such. Plain clothing meant she could blend in and more than anything that was all she wanted to do.

"What do you think about heading to Manhattan tonight?"

Tay felt her shoulders immediately tense at the question and she focused on working the brush she held through the tangles of her hair. At least he had asked her. That was new and somewhat unfamiliar. Since her return Spot had been so kind and patient that she knew no one would have believed it of him. A small, hidden part of her wondered when the break would come but she tried to put that thought far away.

"Manhattan?" she asked in an attempt to put off answering him.

"Medda's having a concert. Thought you might want to go."

Tay turned and looked at him as he sat with his back up against the headboard, lazily smoking a cigarette and giving nothing away but that wasn't unusual. She suspected there was more to it than a simple concert as Spot hated leaving Brooklyn, he always had. Asking him the true purpose of the visit would be futile because even though Spot had been more patient he was still just as quick to brush her off if she attempted to get close to the truth.

"Can we walk there?" Tay asked. Since he'd brought her back to Brooklyn she'd grown extremely shy of other people and scorned traveling by train or trolley. The few times she had left the apartment Spot had accompanied her and they'd only visited a few shops and restaurants during odd hours to make things easier.

"It's up to you, doll."

He stepped up behind her and took the ribbon out of her hand, tying it around the end of her braid himself. A shiver traveled up her spine as she thought about the last time she'd visited Irving Hall and the way Spot had acted when he discovered her hiding offstage in boy's clothes. It seemed so long ago that Tay had trouble with the fact that it hadn't even been five years since the strike. So much had changed and she had lost so much that she couldn't even bear to think about any of it.

"Why are we going all the way to Manhattan? They have concerts here."

"It'll be good for you to get out of the house. Race is gonna be there."

It wasn't an answer to her question but there was an edge to his tone that prevented her from pressing the issue. She had learned that Spot could be surprisingly kind at times but that didn't mean he wasn't also capable of keeping people at arm's length. That was something that would likely never change.

"Look at me. No stealing."

Les opened his mouth to protest but Tay just gave him a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and took the money Spot held out to the pair. He watched Les pull Tay by the hand into the sweets shop and turned back toward where Sarah stood waiting.

"He's going to make himself sick," Sarah commented as she watched from the window out front.

"Won't be surprised if she does the same," Spot answered.

"How has she been?" Sarah asked with a look of concern in her eyes.

Spot looked past the painted lettering on the window to where Les was busily filling the paper bag Tay held out to him with a variety of candy. Her eyes were on Les but Spot could tell by the rigid way she held her shoulders that she wasn't comfortable.

"Quiet," Spot finally told Sarah. "I've always been able to read her before but now it's just difficult."

"Has she said anything about...about what happened?"

Spot flipped his cigarette case open and took one out, keeping it unlit between his lips as he considered the question. Had Tay said anything about Morelli? Not specifically and what he did know had been pieced together from fragments of night terrors and panic attacks where the only things that Tay did speak about were incoherent mumblings that Spot tried like hell to decipher. Any attempt to get her to openly discuss what had happened to her was met with swift and stubborn silence. Her moods could only be described as chaotic and she was still so caught up inside herself that Spot had almost given up hope on trying to draw her out.

"She doesn't talk. The only time she'll even say anything about it is to apologize which I wish she'd stop but that's always been her way. It was always the first thing she'd say after...well, after…" Spot found himself at a loss for words as he reflected back on his abusing Tay. It was a part of himself that he was deeply ashamed of and he'd tried to pretend it was something he could just avoid.

"She's never been very chatty," Sarah smiled kindly.

Spot understood their time was limited and decided to just get things over with. "I need a favor."

Sarah's face was that of a person caught completely off-guard and Spot almost regretted admitting to needing someone else but his options were increasingly limited. Sarah was one of the only people, and certainly the only girl, that he could ask that favor from and it not have dire consequences. He recalled the last time he had asked a similar favor from one of the Brooklyn girl newsies and how everything had gone sideways.

"What kind of favor?" Sarah asked once her voice had returned.

"You're going to the concert tonight, right?" He waited until Sarah nodded. "I want you to ask Tay to stay over at your place after."

"Ask her to stay with us?" Sarah echoed in a voice that betrayed the fact that she was seemingly unconfident in the idea.

"I could tell her to but I've been...I just think it would be better coming from you."

"Where will you be staying?"

Spot struck a match and lit the end of the cigarette before tossing the spent match into the gutter. It was typical of Sarah to get right to the heart of the matter. She reminded him of her brother with the way she could cut right through the bullshit to see the truth.

"I'll be at the concert for a while and then I've got a meeting to attend," Spot explained, although he hadn't planned on revealing that much about his plans for that evening.

"Sarah! Look at what we got!" Les interrupted as he exited the store and practically shoved the paper bag full of candy under Sarah's nose. He gestured at Tay. "I wanted to get one of everything but she said no black licorice."

Spot's eyes instantly traveled to Tay's face and he noted the way her eyes dropped down to the ground as Les spoke. She stepped past the younger boy and stood next to Spot, nervously pulling the sleeves of her blouse down over her hands.

"Did you get anything, Tay, or did Les hog all of it for himself?" Sarah asked in a kind voice.

Spot couldn't help but notice that Tay flinched upon being addressed and didn't lift her eyes as she held up a paper bag similar to Les' but not nearly as full. "Some."

"I'm not a hog," Les protested. "She said I could have as much as I wanted."

"Mama will be thrilled that you're ruining your appetite, again," Sarah told him sarcastically although she was looking at Tay. Spot could practically see the wheels spinning in her mind as she studied Tay. "Speaking of, we're having a late supper tonight after the concert. Would you like to come with us, Tay? It'll just be me, Les, and our parents. Jack has other plans and David is working."

Spot hadn't expected Sarah to bring up the possibility of Tay staying with her so quickly and he was briefly stunned. Tay clutched at his hand and he recognized the fearful look on her face even as she kept her eyes on the ground. She shook her head back and forth mutely and Spot understood that it was going to be a hell of an uphill battle to get her to agree to dinner with the Jacobs family.

"You'll like Mama, she's nice," Les cut in and Spot was somewhat grateful for the younger boy's eagerness.

"Are you going?" Tay turned her gaze toward Spot for a brief moment and his heart nearly broke at the look of anguish in her eyes.

"We talked about this, doll," Spot reminded her gently. He turned to Sarah. "Do you mind if Higgins goes along?"

"The more the merrier," Sarah smiled as she watched Tay carefully.

"I told you, you won't be alone." Spot squeezed Tay's hand to reassure her but Tay didn't return the gesture. He looked over at Sarah. "Do you mind giving us a minute? We'll see you two at the concert."

Sarah hesitated for a moment and Spot knew it had to do with his past treatment of Tay as she was familiar with his old way of getting Tay to do what he wanted. He watched Sarah and Les as they headed down the street and were soon out of sight.

"I can't," Tay told him in a low voice. She shook her hand free of his and wrapped her arms around her body, hugging herself tightly with the paper bag crumpled against her.

"What'd you buy?" Spot asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Peppermints." Tay shivered even though it was a warm summer day. "I'm not going alone."

"Race will be with you the whole night-" Spot began to say.

"Race isn't you-" Tay interrupted quickly.

"-and Sarah and her parents will be there so it ain't like anything is going to happen."

"You didn't think anything would happen when Finn was there, did you?" Two pinpoints of color stained her cheeks and while he was pained by her remark, he was grateful to see the tiniest spark of anger ignite within her.

"Finn wasn't there," Spot pointed out, wanting to bite his tongue in two as he said it. It was as close as they'd come to discussing the circumstances of the day she'd been taken and Spot struggled with the guilt he felt knowing it had all been his fault. He had gone over it a thousand times while Tay had been gone and each time he replayed it in his head he struggled to figure out how he could have let that happen to her.

"Why can't you stay?" Tay asked. She'd asked the same question multiple times since he'd finally convinced her to attend the concert with Racetrack. He didn't have any answers for her. The meeting he'd alluded to first with Tay and then with Sarah would have to remain a secret for as long as possible. From what she had said earlier Spot assumed that Sarah knew as little about Jack's plans as Tay knew about his own. The problem was neither one of the women was stupid and so keeping them in the dark probably wouldn't last long.

"You act like I'm leaving you all on your own," Spot told her, purposefully avoiding answering her. "You know how much Higgins cares for you, he won't let anything happen."

"First, it was a concert with Race and now it's dinner at the Jacobs' house," Tay answered. "If you're not going, then I'm not going."

Spot pressed his lips together tightly and tried to keep a firm hold on his patience. He could force her to go, he knew he could but there wasn't a single piece of him that wanted to. He'd done that too many times and the outcome had always been the same. He took a breath and let it out slowly. He needed to keep her out of it for as long as possible because he knew that when she did figure it out it might send her right over the edge.

"Can you just do this 'cause I'm asking you to?"

"Is that what you're doing? You're asking me? 'Cause this feels a whole lot like you telling me."

"Please, Anna." He reached out and took hold of Tay's hand. She kept her eyes down and so he tilted her chin until she looked at him. "Nothing will happen. I have to take care of something real quick and then I'll be back. I need you to trust me about that, okay?"

He could tell by the look in her eyes that she had more questions but Tay didn't say anything. She dropped her head and nodded. It certainly wasn't over but he'd managed to put off the conversation for a little while at least.

The stars and moon shone brightly above but Tay wasn't paying attention to the night sky. She was fuming inwardly, trying to keep a lid on her anger as she walked alongside Spot. It had been a long time since she had felt anything other than numb so she was caught off-guard by her emotions.

Spot stopped at the midway point on the bridge and turned to her. "Ask me."

He hadn't said more than a few words to her since they had left the Jacobs' house and even as he spoke she saw that same cold, calculated look on his face that had been there when he showed up earlier that evening. Did he think she was stupid? Tay bit at her lip in an attempt to hold back the words that threatened to spill from within.

"Ask me where I was tonight," Spot told her, gazing at her steadily.

"No," Tay answered as she shook her head. She went to take a step away but Spot grasped her by the hand and held it fast. "Let go of me."

Tay yanked her arm away and turned away from him, facing the water below and trying like hell to sort her thoughts out. There were so many things she wanted to say to him but her thoughts tumbled from one thing to the next creating confusion and leaving her speechless for the moment. She worked her fingers over the railing and tried to get herself in order.

"Anna." She flinched at the sound of her given name which he only ever used in his most serious moods. She'd never understood how he put so much into one little word. He never raised his voice but he never needed to. She was always the one to shout and yell and fall apart.

"How could you?" Tay asked, finally turning toward him. She inhaled sharply and decided to just let everything out. "You think I don't know exactly what you were doing? And you just left me to sit there at some family dinner knowing that I might never see you again! How could you do that to me? I was just supposed to trust you, to believe you when you said you would be back, right? I'm not stupid, Spot."

"I never said that," Spot cut in quickly.

Tay glared up at the full moon but couldn't keep the tears from forming and falling down her cheeks. She clenched her fists and began to strike at Spot's chest and shoulders. He didn't do anything to defend himself which only seemed to infuriate Tay further.

"I hate that you're like this! What was I supposed to do if he killed you? Do you know what he told me he would do to you? All the things he said he was going to do and all of it in front of me so I could watch you die, that was his plan. Goddamn it, Spot-"

Her breath ran out while her broken sobs took over and she realized the only reason she was still upright was that Spot was holding on to her. She tried to twist out of his grasp but his hands were like steel. She was barely able to register the look of pain in his clear blue eyes as he drew her to him. She collapsed against him and just let her pain take over as he wrapped his arms around her.

She had almost lost him, again. How many more times was she going to have to live on that knife's edge of not knowing if he was dead or alive? She'd had her suspicions that morning when he mentioned going to Manhattan but it wasn't until he encouraged her to attend dinner with Sarah that she fully understood what Spot was going to do at his supposed meeting.

"It wasn't how you're thinking, doll."

Tay squeezed her eyes shut tightly and began to shake her head back and forth. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to think about it at all. Those weeks had torn her to shreds and left a black mark on her that she was still trying to learn how to deal with. It wouldn't matter how it had been done because the man had left scars on her that she would always have.

Spot was able to read the way the fear washed over her and her trembling gave her away completely. He held her tighter and Tay pressed her face against his chest so she could count the beats of his heart. He'd never allowed her to remain so close before and she was grateful to have his support in that moment.

"I thought you were going to let it go," Tay told him in a low voice.

Spot rested his chin on top of her head and ran his fingers up and down her braid. She felt him inhale deeply as though he was carefully considering the next thing he said but that was nothing new. He'd always used words to his advantage.

"I had to take care of it, Anna. I almost lost you and it nearly killed me. I hate that part of you is still gone and probably will always be that way. So I had to deal with it in my own way. I'm sorry that I couldn't do what you wanted but I only know one way to fix things, doll."

Tay pushed back away from him gently and studied his face. It was the same look she'd seen a thousand times and for a moment she envied the calm he seemed to exude. She had been stunned to hear him reveal that her being gone had troubled him so much. She had just assumed he would be glad to be rid of her.

"Can I ask you something?" She still felt that same need to ask permission before speaking. Things had changed but somehow she still struggled to keep up with him.

"Why did it take me so long to find you?" Spot took the words right out of her mouth and she was reminded of just how well he knew her. "When he first took you no one could tell me where he went, it was like you vanished into thin air. Race got involved and I worked a few connections until we found out his name and location. It wasn't until after that when he sent a messenger that I told him I wanted proof that he had you and that you were alive. Since it was in Manhattan I went to Kelly and it turned into this whole back and forth until you showed up at the lodging house."

It was the best explanation he had ever given her and Tay was surprised to hear so many details of what had been going on while she was gone. That he had gone to Race and Jack was almost unbelievable as she knew very well how much he hated relying on others for help. He'd always told her that Brooklyn could take care of itself. Hearing him mention Jack caused her to bring up another thing that had been troubling her.

"Was Jack there tonight?"

"Yes."

"Does Sarah know that?"

"I don't know, doll."

Question after question spun through her mind but she wasn't sure how many details she wanted to hear or how many he'd be willing to talk about. The problem was talking about what he had been doing while she was gone disturbed darker memories of what had happened to her and Tay wanted to lock those feelings away for good. She shivered as she recalled the way the man had held her close, whispering in her ear the sordid details of his plan to destroy her whole world.

"I need a drink."

"You need to sleep."

"What do you think the drink is for?" She tried to give him a coy smile but found her heart wasn't in it. The numb, black feeling inside began to creep over her and she tried like hell to fight against it.

"So I have a question for you, doll," Spot said, studying her face carefully. "Why didn't you want Les buying licorice?"

Tay dropped her eyes down to the ground and lifted her shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "No reason."

"Anna."

"He chewed Black Jack," Tay explained in a numb voice. "I could smell it on him when he...when…"

"All right," Spot interrupted. He reached out and took Tay gently by the hand. "Look at me. He's gone, okay? You're with me now and I'm never gonna let anything like that happen to you again."

"You can't promise that," Tay told him in a fearful voice. "I've seen it so many times, Liam. There's always people out there who want to come after you. I don't always understand it but I know they're there."

"Believe me, it's done. No one is coming after you or me. I made sure of it."

Tay didn't want to know what he'd done, the deals he had made to ensure her safety. It was strange to think how often Spot would fight with her but never let anyone else get near her. He'd do the same with any of the Brooklyn newsies who often fought amongst each other but stood as one against any outsider.

"Can we go home?"

"Sure, doll."

"I still need a drink," she kidded softly. Part of her meant it as a joke but there was another, deeper part of her that welcomed the nothingness that followed one too many drinks. Maybe she'd be able to sleep peacefully for once. Maybe he would read to her the way he'd always done when she was troubled by nightmares. Maybe he'd hold her and she wouldn't have to fight off old memories. Maybe.

Author's Note: Another shoutout to Anna_W because she is awesome and her reviews make my day :-) I'm not exactly sure about this chapter. I wanted to explore Tay's mindset but (let's be honest) that's a really dark place and so I fell short. My apologies! I hope this part isn't too much of a letdown. Thank you for reading and as always reviews are welcome and appreciated! Enjoy!