Author's Note: I'll be honest, this was supposed to be a lighthearted chapter and then *boom* it went dark. But I guess if you've stuck around this long you probably realize there is a lot of dark in this story. Still, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter!

"You're dating one of the Bruel sisters?"

"It ain't dating. A guy like me has gotta keep his options open. I just see her once in a while, take her to see the flickers, stuff like that."

"A Bruel sister?"

"What? You don't approve?"

"No, it's fine. I mean, if you like snobby, two-faced girls who stand around all day waiting for someone to take their picture, that's fine by me."

"Maybe if you dressed up a little–"

"I ain't about to waste my money on some bit of fluff and nonsense."

Tay was quite sure even if she had ever been approached by a photographer that she would have turned the person down. She had heard of the artists who traveled around the city, taking photographs of the most destitute in a way to open the eyes of those in the upper classes. The Bruel sisters were two girls who dressed to the nines each and every day before selling papers outside the bridge. Tay had never taken a shine to either one of them so to hear Mouse describe his relationship with one was interesting to say the least.

"I still don't know why we had to traipse all the way out here when there's plenty of stores where you live."

"You're free to go. I can manage on my own."

The truth was that Tay preferred the market at Wallabout because it was familiar. Over the years she had taken part in some of the raids the Brooklyn newsies occasionally mounted against those who sold their products at Wallabout. Tay knew how to get in and more importantly how to get out in case things went wrong. The nearby sugar refineries left the air smelling sweet which was a noticeable improvement over the way the city usually smelled, particularly in that area which was so close to the water. Tay moved through the crowded area set aside for push carts and other small vendors, taking in bits of pieces of conversation as people flowed around her.

Mouse had no intention of leaving and remained close behind, keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. Tay had been somewhat relieved to discover him that morning on the corner, selling his papers, and she had approached him, offering him a dime to be her escort for the day. Getting rid of the nameless, sullen man Spot had assigned to her for the day had been a little troublesome but Tay had finally won that particular battle. She was going to have a word with Spot about his constant need to keep an eye on her. It had been months and yet every time she stepped out of the house she'd found another chaperone ready and waiting at the exit to her building. It wasn't as though she had ever expected to be truly free, after all it was Brooklyn and Tay had always acted on the assumption that someone, somewhere was watching. In the past she had envied the 'birds', a group of young boys and some girls who were trusted to keep an eye on the goings on around Brooklyn and within other territories. It had become clear from quite early on that Tay would never be a bird, not the kind that was free to fly anyway.

"...the size of a barn and there was two more just like him but I managed to scare 'em all off…"

Tay realized that Mouse had gone on talking while she'd been preoccupied by her thoughts and she smiled at him as Mouse threw imaginary punches in the air. Like most of the newsies he was prone to lying but he had a good heart and was one of the few who had always treated her well. She watched as he fought his invisible adversary, nearly colliding with a number of men and women in the crowded space.

For a brief moment, Tay was almost relaxed and enjoying being out and about but then she heard something that made her stop dead. She turned to her right and saw two older women having a conversation in Italian. The one wore a black shawl over her silver-gray hair and her eyes were dark but with a kindness that lit her rather wrinkled face.

It's not her, Tay tried to tell herself as she stood frozen in place. She found she couldn't force herself to move as the crowd shuffled around her. All she could think of was the memory of the old woman she had been put in the care of by Morelli whenever she needed to be cleaned up. Each time she'd faced the old woman she had been drugged and so her memories were hazy but she hadn't been able to forget the woman's eyes and the way she had only spoken Italian.

Tay swallowed thickly and tried to ignore the feeling of needles pricking her skin. It's not her. She closed her eyes and tried to think clearly. That woman was gone. Was she dead? Had she killed her? Why had she hit her like that? It had all been so confusing. Spot didn't know what had happened that night, Tay had never found the courage to tell him. Would he blame her? Would it be another black mark against her soul? How could she explain what had happened that night?

"Tay? I'm gonna get a lemon ice, okay?" Mouse's voice seemed to come from far away. "You want one?"

She had no idea if she had answered him or not but when she looked around and discovered him gone she realized she must have said something. Tay flexed her fingers down by her sides and focused on trying to maintain calm, even breaths. The voices in the air around her were overwhelming, crashing together in her mind until she couldn't think straight.

Breathe, doll.

Tay held on tight to the memory of his voice and the way his breath had felt against her skin. She concentrated on the way his arms had felt wrapped around her tightly, his chest pressed up against her back in a protective way. She was utterly astonished by the sudden realization of just how many times he had held her like that. Even in their darkest moments Spot would hold her, patiently waiting as Tay fought off the demons that plagued her, even when one of those demons was Spot himself. For a moment the woman vanished and in her place Tay struggled to reconcile the two halves of Spot. In Tay's mind Spot had always been a volatile mixture of chaos and calm that had left her struggling to keep up.

"...want one?..."

Tay was drawn back out of her fog by the fact that the woman was speaking to her. There was an apple in her hand which she held out to Tay with a kind smile. It isn't her. Tay reached out and took the apple, placing a coin in the woman's hand in its place. It was too much money but Tay didn't care as she fairly fled from the sight of the older woman.

It was a minute before she could locate Mouse, enjoying what was left of his ice and standing in a side alley overlooking a game of craps being played by some fellow newsies. Tay recognized some of the faces as kids who had once hung around the waterfront but others were new to her.

"You got enough money to be gambling?" Tay asked with the realization that because of her, Mouse hadn't been able to sell his papers that day.

"I got enough to get goin' and once I do, I'll be cleaning these boys out," Mouse answered with a confident grin.

Tay held out a coin. "Take this, just in case."

Mouse pocketed the coin before giving her a hard look. "You don't look right. Something happen?"

"No," Tay shook her head. "I do need something from you, though. Do you know where Spot is?"

Mouse thought about it for a moment before lifting his shoulders in a shrug. "Can't say exactly 'cause he moves around a lot but I can get word to him if you need me to."

Tay considered the time it would take and decided against it. "It's okay. I'm just gonna head home. Good luck with your game."

"You know you ain't supposed to go alone," Mouse reminded her. He looked uncomfortable. "If anything happens, I'll get in trouble with Spot."

"Nothing will happen," Tay assured him. "I do know how to take care of myself. After all, I spent more time on these streets than you. Plus, I'm planning on taking the trolley. It'll be fine."

Mouse's eyes darted from the craps game to Tay and back again. He frowned and Tay put her hand on his arm.

"It'll be fine. I promise."

When Spot entered the apartment everything was dark and still. He hadn't meant to be that late but things had gone a little haywire earlier and it wasn't until the early hours of the morning that he had made it back to the apartment. He surveyed the room but there didn't appear to be anything out of the ordinary.

He pushed the door to the bedroom open and felt around until he was able to find a candle and matches. Once the flame caught he was able to see Tay asleep on the bed with the quilt wrapped tightly around her shoulders. The window was open, letting in an autumn breeze that lifted the curtains gently.

Spot leaned over to kiss her but pulled back quickly with the telltale bitter taste on his lips. Tay hadn't awoken or even moved at his touch and he realized her deep sleep was no doubt due to the drug. He slid his hand under her pillow but found nothing. Spot set the candle down and felt under the mattress but there was nothing there either. He glanced around the room before searching through each and every drawer and under every surface. There wasn't anything to be found in that room and he decided to search the rest of the apartment.

The bag Tay carried on a daily basis was hanging on a hook by the door but the only things Spot found were the usual bits of junk that she had always carried. The rest of the space yielded nothing so he turned to the front room. Spot upturned cushions and opened drawers but discovered nothing new. He set his sights on the bookshelf above the sofa and began pulling the volumes down. It wasn't until the last three books came down that he finally found the bottle, hidden behind the exact title that Tay had been reading the other night.

"Clever girl."

Spot replaced all the disheveled belongings and pocketed the bottle. For a long moment he stood in front of the closed bedroom door, trying to determine if he wanted to confront Tay right then and there. His hand hovered over the doorknob but he eventually shook himself and turned to the kitchen. Spot took the whisky bottle down off the shelf and poured himself a considerable shot before taking a seat at the table. He tried to keep his anger down to a dull roar as he waited for the first streaks of sunlight to appear in the sky and for Tay to awaken.

"I didn't know you were home."

Spot opened his eyes and realized he must have nodded off as he had waited for Tay. She stood in the doorway to the kitchen and studied him for a moment before moving toward the sink.

"Got in late," Spot explained. He considered his next step carefully. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine," Tay answered. There didn't appear to be a single sign that she'd been using again the night before and Spot began to wonder how long she planned on keeping up her charade before he noticed.

"Must have been sleeping good. You didn't even wake up when I came in." Spot got to his feet and moved around the table so he was standing right next to her. "No nightmares or anything?"

"No," Tay said without looking at him.

"You got anything you want to tell me about?"

Tay kept her eyes on the mug she was holding and Spot noticed that her hands began to tremble slightly. "Why are you asking me all these questions?"

"I asked you two questions, doll." He decided that he had given her enough of a chance and took the bottle out of his pocket. He set it down next to her. "So, anything you want to tell me about?"

Tay's face paled and she couldn't take her eyes off the small bottle. "I…that…it isn't…"

"Isn't yours?" Spot interrupted coldly. "That's funny because I just happened to find it behind your book and it sure as hell isn't mine."

"Spot…" Tay began but she didn't seem to be able to find her next words.

There was pain in her eyes but his anger clouded his mind and he wasn't the least bit sympathetic about the fact that she was clearly struggling.

"I'd think after what that monster did, you wouldn't go near the stuff. Unless you like feeling that way–"

Spot caught Tay's hand as her arm shot out to strike him and he held her still. She automatically tried to hit him with her other hand but he grabbed her and pinned her arms tightly down by her sides.

"You better think carefully about how you want this to go, doll. We both know what happens when you try to go against me. Now sit down."

Spot kept his hold on her until he felt Tay relax just enough for him to be sure that she wasn't going to try to hit him again. Her face was flush with anger and he noticed that as she took a seat she stared at him with resentment burning in her eyes. He turned his back for a moment, removing the stopper from the bottle and pouring the contents down the drain. When it was gone he took his seat across from Tay and set the bottle on the table next to an apple that was sitting there.

"Is there any more?" Spot asked. There was a long moment of silence as Tay glared down at the table and bit at her fingernails. "Answer me."

"No."

"If you're lying to me–"

"I'm not lying. That bottle was all I had."

Spot had always known her well enough to be able to tell when she was speaking the truth and so he swallowed the urge to rip the apartment to pieces in an attempt to find more evidence against her. He struggled to reign in his frustration as the most violent thoughts occupied his mind. Underneath all his chaos he realized that he felt hurt. Hurt that she had lied to him, hurt that she had tried to keep things from him, hurt that she hadn't come to him for help and instead had turned to drugs. It was that last thought that caused him to consider that Tay might be hurting as well.

"What did I do?" Spot asked quietly. Tay didn't look at him. "I must have done something. You haven't tried to hide from me in a long time, doll."

"I wasn't hiding," Tay protested in a weak voice.

"Really, doll? That's why you tried to make sure I wouldn't find out, right? Because you weren't hiding this shit?"

"I didn't mean that, it's…I knew you wouldn't like it."

"So you were hiding shit from me. Admit it."

"I was going to tell you…it just wasn't the right time for you to find out."

"When would have been the right time, doll? When I came home and found you dead from an overdose? Or maybe when they came to tell me they dragged your body out of the river?"

Spot had dealt with her drug use before and if he was being honest he'd admit that it had scared the hell out of him. He still remembered the dull look in her glassy eyes when he'd found her in that opium den, unable to recognize him or remember her own name. He blamed himself for her initial use of drugs as he'd provided them for her after the miscarriage to help with her pain. Weaning her off the drug had taken time but he'd gone about it in his usual demanding way, keeping her under lock and key until he felt she had overcome her addiction. Seeing her once again turning to drugs nearly broke him as he could only imagine the most dire results and the whole situation was a vivid reminder of his mother.

"I already told you, I wanted to sleep. Is that such a problem?"

"It is if you're hiding it from me, doll. I'm not going back down that road, do you understand me?"

"You act like I'm out of control. I know what I'm doing, Spot. It isn't a big deal."

"Good, if it ain't a big deal then you won't have a problem knowing that was the last of it. I don't ever want to find you using again. Got it?"

Tay put her head in her hands and stared down at the table. As Spot waited for her to speak he felt a twinge of sadness, expecting that his ultimatum might very well lead Tay to rebuild the walls she had so often hidden behind before. Maybe it was too much to ask and she would walk away from him, leaving Spot behind to deal with his loss. He reached across the table tentatively, taking her hand in his own hand, slightly surprised that she allowed him to touch her.

"I wanted to sleep," Tay whispered without looking up from the table.

"How long has this been going on, Tay? I thought…it seemed like you were…" Spot didn't want to use the word 'better' because she certainly wasn't better. Part of him was terrified that she might never come back to him and he would always have to fight through the shadows that haunted her. In the past month she had been slightly more open and he thought he had seen signs of the girl she used to be but he wondered how much had just been Tay trying to pretend.

"Last night was…difficult. You weren't here and I just couldn't get to sleep. Everything was…it was too loud and I kept seeing…never mind."

"Tell me, Anna. I need to know what happened."

Tay shook her head. "No, I can't…it's too much. If I tell you, then you'll…you'll just hate me."

"Anna," Spot said softly. He rubbed at the tips of her fingers. "After everything we've been through together I'm pretty confident that nothing you can tell me will make me hate you."

When Tay finally did look up at him Spot's heart was nearly broken by the look of pain in her eyes. Her face was pale and her shoulders were bowed in defeat. He was reminded of her appearance when he'd found her sitting in the bathtub, troubled by memories of things she had suffered through. Too often he had discovered Tay wavering between reality and her shadow world. It hadn't been easy, particularly because he knew he had caused her irreparable damage by himself, let alone how much she had to deal with given what else had happened to her.

"I was with Mouse, we went to Wallabout," Tay began in a low voice. "I like it there, it's…I know that place. Mouse was saying something about this fight he'd been in and I heard these women talking. In Italian. The one was younger but the other woman was older with gray-white hair. She turned toward me and I saw her eyes. They were dark but…kind…and I froze…she looked like…"

Tay's voice trailed off and Spot noticed her eyes fell on the apple in the center of the table. She studied it thoughtfully as the silence carried on. Spot wasn't sure what could have bothered her so much about a random woman speaking Italian. He knew she was sensitive to those who spoke the language as it reminded her of Morelli but he'd never heard her say anything about an older woman.

"Did you know her?"

"No. It wasn't her."

Spot was confused by her last statement and waited for Tay to elaborate. It was a minute before Tay could collect herself enough to continue her story and Spot noticed the blank look on her face when she did finally speak.

"There was a woman, she was there when I was…when that man took me. I don't know who she was, maybe his mother or sister or something. I'd only see her…after…that man was finished with me."

"Anna, you don't have to—"

Tay shook her head but her expression was distant. "No, I need to tell you what I did."

Spot was instantly confused and his thoughts went spinning. What could she have done? She was the victim, she hadn't done anything. He waited patiently for Tay to explain what she'd meant.

"One night, after…he brought me upstairs and left me with the old woman. She…helped clean me up and they would drug me to keep me quiet. Someone came and the other man went away. I don't know where he went but I was alone with her. It was the first time we were alone."

Tay paused and bit at her bottom lip as Spot squeezed her hand gently to reassure her. His heart went out to her as it was clearly painful for her to remember what had happened that night.

"I don't remember what I was thinking, I just wanted to get away. I tried before but the other man was there and he'd…he'd stop me. There was a pitcher on the table and I got a hold of it somehow. I remember picking it up and it felt so heavy. I just…I took everything I had and I…I swung it at her. I couldn't even think straight, I wasn't myself. It happened so slowly but so fast at the same time. I remember she fell and all I could think about was how to get out. I didn't check on her…I didn't even see if she was…I could only think about getting out."

"Anna."

"What if…she's…what if I…"

"Anna, you couldn't help what you did. You were trying to survive, doll."

"She never did anything to me. She was…she tried to be nice…"

"It's not your fault, Anna."

"It is. I hurt her, maybe even killed her." Tay's voice broke and he saw a tear trickle down her face.

"You didn't kill her. Maybe gave her a bad headache but that's all." Spot tried to keep his tone light but he felt heartbroken as he watched Tay struggling once again. He hadn't even been able to comprehend what she had gone through and each time she let out any piece of the story he felt his rage over the situation build. "Do you want me to find her?"

"What?" Tay looked up with tears in her eyes.

"This woman. Do you want me to find out what happened to her?"

"I…I mean…I'm not sure."

"I'll leave it up to you, doll." In his heart Spot knew he would seek the woman out, if only to find her and make sure he could ease Tay's mind. If it turned out the decision Tay had made that night was fatal, Spot had already decided that he would lie. Just like he had when her brother had died. He would be more careful about not ever letting Tay know the truth and he hoped that it wouldn't come to that but he was determined to keep her from jumping off the edge into darkness.

Any reviews are always welcome and appreciated! Cheers!