I was trying. I was really trying my best not to mean mug Wanda. But it was hard.

Stephen returned the moment we relayed the news about the Beyonder, and he had brought Wanda with him. The latter action had created an atmosphere that was way beyond awkward. Steve, Sam, and Natasha had been friends with her but they also knew what she did up in Westview. They had welcomed her back, but the three of them had also been extremely wary and kept their distance. Bucky had only met Wanda a few times briefly in passing, so he wasn't as emotionally invested in her. It was easier for him to keep the woman at arm's length. Bruce and Thor were the same way as Bucky.

I tried to keep Loki's words to me from a few days ago in mind, but every time I went near her all I could see were the looks of trauma in the eyes of the people from Westview she had manipulated. I could only feel their terror, heartbreak, and pain, pain which she had forced them to absorb into themselves. I could feel waves of that same pain along with guilt and regret radiating from her as she slumped in her chair well away from everyone else, her auburn hair held back by that scarlet M-shaped crown that framed her fair-skinned face.

I felt sorry for her. I really did. I could feel compassion for her. But I could also not forget what I had sensed when Stephen had taken me to Westview to see if my powers could do anything for the people there. I could still see the face of one woman who still had nightmares about her husband almost dying in front of her when he began to question Wanda's presence in the town. I could remember the way people flinched when they saw me, because on some level they knew I could feel what they were feeling and it was now an automatic reflex to be defensive towards anyone who could get into their heads. I didn't have the ability to get into anyone's mind like that...I was a receptive empath, not a telepath nor did I have the ability to manipulate emotions like some empaths did, but the lizard portions of their brains hadn't cared.

The power Stephen had been hoping I could use to help was the angelfire. He had hoped that I would be able to use it to help with the people's trauma, but I couldn't call up the flames like that. Thanks to Derrick, I now knew why.

Part of me almost wish I could call up those flames now to lob them at the Witch. But the more sensible part of me felt all the guilt and regret in her and decided that dealing with her demons was punishment enough. She would be kicking herself for the rest of her life, there was no need to add to it.

So I kept telling myself, and each time my thoughts started to drift otherwise, I had Loki's hand squeezing my thigh under the table to get me back on track.

We were gathered in the Avengers conference room since it was big enough for all of us. Well, Derrick's Sanctuary was as well, but in a show of good faith, Derrick elected to venture out of his Sanctuary when Stephen arrived back in New York. He was trying to come across as non-threatening, by leaving his comfort zone and interacting with the Avengers and with Stephen outside, where he was vulnerable and couldn't retaliate if anyone decided to do anything to him. I had felt the change in Derrick the very moment he stepped outside of his shop, had sensed the fragility of the defenses he did have, and felt a little of his strength leave him. Derrick had gotten testy when I began to hover, to the point where Loki had to haul me away and threaten to chain me to the passenger side seat of his car if I didn't get ahold of myself.

A couple days ago, Loki wouldn't have given a shit about me getting on Derrick's nerves. How quickly things changed.

Stephen had subjected Derrick to an even more intense third degree than Steve had, but the former angel had handled it smoothly. I guess when you were as old as he was, things just didn't bother you that much. I found myself wondering if I would eventually get to that point. Whatever Derrick's response to Stephen's interrogation was, it must have made Stephen happy, because when I next looked the two of them were laughing about something together.

Then Derrick had made his way to his seat, moving slower than he had when he left the Sanctuary. It hadn't been enough for the casual observer to notice, but it had caught my eye as well as the notice of some of the others. He shook his head at me when I caught his gaze, then eased into the chair when Bucky pulled it out for him...a move that had made Derrick grin and begin his flirting all over. I was really hoping that Bucky would either speak up and tell Derrick he wasn't interested or that the two of them would pick a room and get it over with soon just to spare me from picking up what I was getting off the both of them. Yuck. The only individual I wanted to pick up those types of emotions off of was the one whose ring I was wearing.

The room slowly settled down and then Derrick started speaking. I tried to pay attention, but could barely hear him as my mind began its kaleidoscope. It was a typical mechanism of disassociation my brain engaged in when I was under distress, and right now I was in a great deal of it.

The Beyonder was coming. From my understanding, he might have even already been here. Michael and Derrick had both been extremely concerned, and Michael had gone back to the Silver City to prepare the angels there for a possible battle here. But the Beyonder had already destroyed so many universes, including my own, and no one had been able to stop him.

Now he was threatening my new home, this universe, my new friends, my husband, my new family. I didn't particularly care about dying myself, but I wasn't ready to lose another home, another family. I never would be, and the mere thought of everyone in this room perishing...

I felt a cool hand squeeze mine, hard, and heard Loki's voice whispering Stay with me, Pet in my mind. I was trying, but a huge part of me only wanted to vanish into the void, where it was safe, where I wouldn't have to deal with more loss and more pain, where I wouldn't have to feel anything.

Rationally, I knew it was way too early to disconnect like that, but the large part of me who had to endure losing my home, my family, my loved ones in my universe...all she wanted to do was run, hide, and cut herself off from feeling anything, just as I'd done for the first few months after I had landed here. I suddenly felt fierce envy for Michael and the other angels, who were cut off from their emotions. To never have to feel pain, rage, grief, fear, or this crippling anxiety that clouded my mind so much that I didn't hear the vast majority of what was being said around the table.

I was vaguely aware of movement beside me, of Loki shoving his chair back, getting up, and pulling my chair with my body away from the table. Another blink, and I realized I was in his lap, on the sofa that was positioned against the wall parallel to the meeting table. No one said a word about what he was doing, but I did feel the sharp concern from the others. Part of me was humiliated, and I knew that would turn into all of me later on when I was capable of actually processing more of what was going on in reality, but most of me didn't care at the moment. It was too busy edging towards the labyrinth my mind had long ago constructed as a way to protect itself from the horrors of what was being done to me when I had been imprisoned.

"How much time do you suppose we have?" Stephen was asking.

"I wish I could tell you. I really do. But if Hektaniel is here sniffing around, that means the Beyonder won't be far behind, if he isn't here already." Derrick sighed. "I'm sorry. I've been keeping an eye on him, had my instruments in the Sanctuary tuned to detect his energy signature and alert me the moment he was present in this universe. A being as powerful as he is doesn't stay hidden for long once he enters a particular reality."

"Perhaps he is not here to destroy our reality, but for another purpose?" Thor sounded almost hopeful. I flinched at the anguish I could feel coming from him, because it mirrored my own. Loki's arms tightened around me in response.

I could feel Derrick's anguish as well, and I knew he wanted to reassure Thor somehow, but he couldn't bring himself to lie.

"Are you alright, Pet?" Loki asked me when we arrived home after the meeting concluded. It wasn't much of a meeting. It was mostly getting Stephen up to speed on what was going on, Derrick telling everyone what he knew of the Beyonder, and no one being able to come up with a damn thing to help.

Well, what exactly could you do against something that played with reality like a fucking Etch-A-Sketch? Someone who could destroy entire universes, who was himself a sentient multiverse?

In the end, the only thing anyone could come up with was hoping that the Beyonder would spare this universe.

No, I was not alright, and that was pretty obvious to Loki. He mostly asked that in order to get me to say something, since I'd been silent for hours. He was worried. If I were being honest, he had every reason to be. I was spiraling, and at the moment I felt completely numb. With what, I didn't know...shock? Horror? Denial? I just felt numb.

"Come here," Loki murmured, pulling me into his arms as we stood by the floor-to-ceiling window. Heimdall curled around my calf, meowing, and I heard Chloe our ferret crawl out of one of her hiding places to head towards us.

I closed my eyes, inhaling Loki's scent. God, I had just found him. I had built a life here, found a new family. I couldn't lose the people I loved. Not again. Once had been more than enough. Twice would destroy me.

"I need to go to New Asgard...Thor, Valkyrie, and I need to discuss contingency plans. Will you..."

"I'll be alright Loki, but...I can't. I know I should come with, but I can't..."

He kissed my temple. "I understand. Rest, get a bath. I will be back as soon as I am able." With a flash of green light, he teleported away.

I made sure the animals had food and water, gave both of them cuddles, and then walked out. I couldn't say in the apartment right then. I needed to think, and I did my best thinking when I was walking. I hadn't intended on ending up all the way in Greenwich, but I found myself there standing in front of Derrick's shop. Then I found myself opening the door and going in.

Derrick was in the back cleaning his tattoo equipment. I stood against the wall, watching him, and noticed the half empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the table. I wished that I could numb myself like that.

"It's your fault," Derrick muttered at me as he poured another shot.

I winced.

"Oh, not the Beyonder. He probably would have made it here sooner or later. It's your fault that this time it'll be different for me." Derrick gulped down the shot and went back to fiddling with his supplies. "The other universes he destroyed...yeah, those were devastating and hit me hard. The loss of life was brutal, but at least those lives were faceless, nameless, and didn't impact me too personally. But now...with him coming here? It's fucking personal." He banged a drawer closed and poured another shot. "You had to show up here, and I felt an obligation to take you in, and through you I met the people whose lives might be ending way sooner than they should. Damn it."

He took out another shot glass, poured in some whiskey, and slid it towards me. "It's not easy being immortal. You learn very quickly not to become attached to mortals. Their lifespans are a firefly flicker compared to ours. I've broken my own rule about keeping my distance from mortals a couple of times, and each time I was shattered by the loss of a friend or a lover. I knew better but I did it anyway. But you know what's worse than having to say goodbye to a mortal when it's their time? Saying bye way before they should be gone." He chuckled. "Sorry, I'm kind of drunk. I'm probably not making much sense."

He was making perfect sense to me.

"Through you, I met these mortals here. And in the very short time I've known all of you, I've come to care about these specific people." Derrick was wiping his hands with a towel, which he now wrung in his hands. "I like your husband. I like Steve and Sam. Stephen is someone I could see myself enjoying a drink or two with. And Dimp—I mean, Bucky..." Derrick shook his head.

"And me?" I inquired quietly.

"Of course I like you! And not because you're my student, I genuinely care for you...but you don't have to worry, love. Every angel is precious, and Michael and the hierarchy would make sure you'd be okay. Afterall, as far as we know, there's only one of you in this multiverse. But the others, including your hubs...well, there are multiple versions of him."

I swallowed. Hard. In other words, the angels would make sure that no matter what happened, I would live. But they wouldn't do a damn thing to save Loki or the others. They were considered expendable.

They were not expendable. Loki was my husband. Thor was my brother-in-law. The rest of them were my friends. Bucky, Stephen, Steve, Sam, Nat, Yelena...they were my friends. But it wouldn't matter to them that losing them would shatter me, would it? After all, I was an angel. I wasn't supposed to have emotional attachments. I wasn't supposed to feel anything at all, for anyone or anything.

They wouldn't let me die with my husband and the rest of them. Oh no. Every angel was precious. They'd probably whisk me away and then force me to go through the Silent Ceremony when my grief crippled me to the point where I was useless. Either that or toss me into another reality, arranging for me to have a run-in with that reality's Loki to see if that Loki and I would fall in love. They would basically treat it like a parent presenting their kid with another puppy after the family dog died.

"And since there are multiple versions of him," Derrick was saying, and showing that his thoughts were going along the same lines as mine, "and they don't understand how emotional connections work, they would probably offer condolences to you for the loss of your spouse and then see about getting you a replacement."

Yeah, fuck that.

Derrick grabbed my untouched drink and tossed it back. He walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, love. This isn't fair, and I know you're hurting. I'll stay on this Earth for as long as you are, and when Michael comes to attempt to get you out of here before the Beyonder destroys this universe, I'll do my best to advocate for you. Michael won't like it, because the Hierarchy needs all the angels available, but I'll try..."

I left shortly after that. I couldn't take anymore of Derrick's pain and guilt. Besides, Loki would be home soon and I really, really needed to cuddle with him.

I was a few blocks away from home when I caught the scent. I froze because I was feeling that tingle at the back of my mind. The same tingle I felt with Derrick, that I had felt with Lucy and Michael. Oh no. No no no.

There was no point in trying to be stealthy. They would know I was there just as I knew they were.

But I had to be fast.

I dove to the ground just as the energy bolt punched a hole in the side of the building I was walking next to. And because I knew I wouldn't be able to take the individual on alone, I screamed along the bond I shared with my husband as loud as I could: LOKI!