NARUTO COMMERCIAL TRYOUTS :
CHAPTER : 15 :
"The Akatsuki's Helpful Tips''
The director sat in her chair and looked at her list. Next she looked up at the stage.
"AKATSUKI , YOU GUYS ARE UP ! ,'' the director shouted.
( ON STAGE )
"Is everyone here ? ,'' Pein asked.
"Yep ,'' the rest of the Akatsuki members replied.
"Alright then ,'' Pein stated , "Today me and the other Akatsuki members are going to be giving helpful tips to the people that call in with questions.''
( RING , RING )
"Ah , we have our first caller ,'' Tobi said , "What is your name ?''
"Patty ,'' the caller replied.
"And what's your question ? ,'' Tobi asked.
"Am I going to get married in the future ? ,'' Patty asked.
"Lady this is Helpful Tips , not Future Telling ,'' he said , "Piss off.''
Tobi hung the phone up.
"The nerve of some people ,'' Tobi stated.
( RING , RING )
Madara answered the phone.
"Yes ? ,'' Madara asked , "This is Akatsuki Helpful Tips. Who's calling ?''
"Jim ,'' the caller said.
"Hi , Jim ,'' Madara replied , "What's your question ?''
"My wife is cheating on me ,'' Jim said , "What should I do ?''
"You want my honest opinion ? ,'' he asked.
"Yes ,'' Jim said.
"GO FUCK A SQUIRREL UP THE ASS ! ,'' Madara shouted , "YOUR PENIS IS PROABLY SMALL ENOUGH TO FIT UP THERE ! GOODBYE AND HAVE A ROTTEN DAY , ASSHOLE !''
Madara slammed the phone down.
( RING RING )
Sasori answered the phone.
"Yes ? ,'' Sasori asked , "This is Akatsuki Helpful Tips. Who's calling ?''
"Star Fire of Tameran ,'' the caller said.
"What's your question ? ,'' Sasori replied.
"What should I get my friend Raven for her birthday ? ,'' Star Fire asked.
"A BAG TO PUT OVER HER UGLY HEAD ! ,'' he shouted.
Next black energy shot out of the phone and sucked Sasori up.
FIVE HOURS LATER . . .
Sasori was lying on the floor drooling and shaking.
"Don't let the demons eat me ,'' Sasori said , "Don't let the demons eat me. Don't let the demons eat me.''
( RING , RING )
Hidan answered the phone.
"Yes ? ,'' Hidan asked.
"I found some money on the street ,'' the caller said , "What should I do ?''
"Give it to me and go fuck a camel ,'' Hidan replied.
Hidan hung up the phone.
( RING , RING )
Kisame answered the phone.
"Yes ? ,'' Kisame asked.
"Should I eat fish to live a long life ? ,'' the caller asked.
"YOU EAT A FISH AND I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU ! ,'' Kisame yelled , "Have a nice day.''
Kisame hung up the phone.
( RING RING )
Kakuzu answered the phone.
"Yes ? ,'' Kakuzu asked.
"Where dose the rainbow end ? ,'' the caller asked.
Kakuzu hung up the phone.
( RING RING )
Zetsu answered the phone.
"Hello ? ,'' his white half asked.
"What should I get my wife for our anniversary ? ,'' the man asked.
"A BAG FULL OF PISS ,'' Zetsu's black half said.
Zetsu hung up the phone.
( RING RING )
Deidre answered the phone.
"Hello ? ,'' Deidre asked.
"When should I expect to get laid ? ,'' the caller asked.
"Are you married or going out with anyone ? ,'' Deidre asked.
"No ,'' the caller replied.
"NEVER , ASSWIPE ! ,'' he shouted.
Deidre hung up the phone.
( RING RING )
Konan answered the phone.
"Hello ? ,'' she asked.
"What should I do to satisfy my wife in bed ? ,'' the man asked.
"Let her have sex with me ,'' Konan replied seductively.
Konan hung up the phone.
( RING RING )
Itachi answered the phone.
"Hello ? ,'' he asked.
"I'm going blind ,'' the man said , "What should I do ?''
"Do you have a brother ? ,'' Itachi asked.
"Yes ,'' he said.
"Rip his eyes out , rip your own eyes out and then put your brother's eyes in to your eye sockets ,'' Itachi stated , "That should cure your vision problem.''
Itachi hung up the phone.
( RING RING )
Pein answered the phone.
"Hello ? ,'' he asked.
"I'm looking for Madara Uchiha so I can kick his ass ,'' the caller said , "Do you know where I can find him ?''
"No ,'' Pein stated.
Pein hung up the phone. The director laughed her ass off.
"And that's a wrap ,'' she said.
THE END.