ippoddity asked:

For the what if ask: What if Renji hadn't joined Squad 11 and instead had been placed somewhere else? I'm thinking about how, or even if, this would change his approach and philosophy to fighting, but also his outlook in general.

This is the kind of prompt that gets my blood flowing! I started thinking about it immediately after receiving it. My first thought was that I needed to decide which squad to put him in instead. It was always kind of funny to me that Aizen talked about having Renji transferred to the Eleventh like it was some sort of punishment, despite the fact that the people of the Eleventh are crazy-go-nuts for the Eleventh, and they do seem to be generally respected throughout the Gotei (aside from snobs like Aizen). No, the squad that gets no respect, the squad that no one wants to get sent to is canonically the Fourth. Polynya, I said, you cannot send Renji to the Fourth. My man cannot cast a kaidou. Watch me, I said.

I wasn't actually planning to write today, I was going to do this tomorrow, but then I found it was Unohana's birthday, so I did it today for my queen. I wrote this in two hours.

Squad Four only had one practice dojo, and Tuesday it was booked up by the Yoga Club, so Renji was running through kata with a practice sword behind the laundry building.

"There you are, Mr. Abarai! Goodness, working so hard, even after hours!"

Renji had been at the Fourth long enough to know that Captain Unohana moved quietly, but it didn't stop him from nearly jumping out of his skin at the sound of her voice. During the day, when she floated serenely around the Coordinated Relief Station, she buzzed with an appropriate amount of Captainly reiatsu, but apparently she did this as a courtesy so she didn't startle the patients. Subordinates didn't get that privilege, apparently.

"Ma'am!" Renji dipped into a quick bow.

Unohana gazed at him softly for a moment, and Renji's muscles tensed. Some people might enjoy getting personal attention from their captain, but Renji wasn't one of them.

"You were very helpful today," Unohana said, tucking her hands in her sleeves. "With Mr. Ikkanzaka. Tenth Seat Ogidou wrote you a commendation."

Renji felt his cheeks go pink. Ikkanzaka was a huge guy, a seated officer at the Seventh. He'd gotten poisoned with some sort of Hollow fear toxin, in addition to being pretty severely mangled. He'd seemed okay when his squadmates dropped him off, but when the docs tried to set his broken arm, the dude had completely freaked out. Renji had been on bandage-rolling duty at the time, but when he heard the commotion, he had dashed out of the supply room to see no less than four twiggy little medics hanging off the guy. Renji had managed to put him in a sleeper hold long enough for the shift supervisor to get a sedation kidou on him.

On one hand, it was probably the most exciting thing that had happened to Renji since he had been transferred to the Fourth. On the other, it was also pretty embarrassing how much everyone mooned over him afterwards, like none of them had ever seen a muscle before. When he opened his locker at the end of his shift, a small avalanche of thank you notes and at least two anonymous confessions had fallen out. Stupid Squad Four.

"It was nothin', ma'am." Renji looked down and tried not to fiddle with the wooden sword in his hands.

"Well," Unohana said, and Renji realized the other shoe was about to drop, "when I saw the note, at first I thought about how nice it is to have a big strong fellow like you around. We don't get many of your type here."

"No, ma'am," Renji muttered, wondering if she was going to bring up the transfer requests he kept submitting to her office. He knew he was supposed to do at least a year before he could transfer again, but Captain Unohana could give him a waiver if she felt like it. He figured it didn't hurt to try.

"Then I realized that I don't actually see you around the Coordinate Relief Station very much."

Renji sucked his teeth.

"When I checked the records, it seems that you have been trading most of your medical shifts for supply duty."

"I always get it approved, ma'am."

"You do!" Unohana agreed warmly. "Eighth Seat Ariyoshi likes you very much. She says she's never seen anyone learn the underground canal routes as fast as you have. She says you're the best supply runner she has."

Renji's hands tightened on his sword. "They're laid out much more logically than the city streets, ma'am. You just gotta keep a map of 'em in your head while usin' your reiatsu to track what's above your head. Not that hard as long as you keep your bearings about you."

"Mmm," Unohana hummed. "Unfortunately, we do have minimum medical shift requirements, and you haven't been meeting yours."

Renji winced.

"You aren't in trouble, Mr. Abarai!" Unohana quickly added. "It was your supervisors' responsibility to deny those requests, and I've already spoken to them about it. But this can't go on. You're a very talented young man, Mr. Abarai, and you aren't going to advance at the Fourth if you avoid your healing duties."

Renji squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "Ma'am," he said, "I'm horrible at healing. I can't do kaidou. I'm not going to advance at the Fourth, no matter what." He gritted his teeth. He knew he shouldn't say it, but he couldn't help it. "And I don't want to. I want to fight, ma'am."

Unohana stared at him for a long moment. "I know that, Mr. Abarai."

The words tumbled out in a rush. "Then, please just let me do my time, and let me transfer anywhere else!"

Unohana didn't seem surprised at this outburst. "When they teach zanjutsu at the Academy," she said sweetly, "do they still tell you to harden your soul into iron, to focus yourself into a killing weapon?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"They tell you that, Mr. Abarai, because most people hesitate to strike the killing blow. They are fearful. You are fearful. That is why you cannot heal. To heal, you must relax that muscle. You must look into the eyes of your patient and take their pain into yourself."

Renji was silent.

Unohana narrowed her eyes at him, and there was suddenly something subtly different about her. "But if you can do that, Abarai, you will gain great strength. You cannot truly fight until you can look into the eyes of your opponent and squeeze their heart in your fist, feel the thrust of your own sword into their flesh."

"Whaaaat?" Renji sputtered.

Suddenly, Unohana beamed. "Twelfth Aoga is your kaidou instructor, yes?"

"Yes?" Renji managed, trying to catch up.

"I'm going to tell him to switch you over to bone healing. It's a very different technique than flesh healing, and I suspect it may make more intuitive sense to you." Her face took on a wistful look. "Kaidou didn't come very easily to me, either, you know, and that was a real breakthrough for me. Many healers never master bone-healing. You have to be able to accept sharp shocks of blinding pain. You're not afraid of your own pain, though, are you, Mr. Abarai?"

"No, ma'am," Renji said, his own voice sounding very faraway.

"Wonderful!" Unohana agreed. "I will make you a deal."

"A deal?" Renji echoed.

"I always want to encourage my subordinates to meet their personal goals! I know we don't emphasize swordplay here at the Fourth, but as a lieutenant, Isane is expected to maintain a higher level of competence." Unohana's mouth curved into a very self-satisfied smile. "If you fulfill your shift quotas and work hard with Twelfth Seat Aoga, I will have her set up a weekly training session with you. I think it will be very good for both of you."

Renji frowned. Lieutenant Kotetsu was a ridiculously talented healer and her brain was stuffed with more medical know-how than the Fourth's extensive library, but Renji couldn't say he would have pegged her for a sword expert. Still, face-time with a lieutenant had to be better than swinging a stick behind the laundry.

"I can tell you're skeptical," Unohana said, "but I taught Isane myself. Captain Komamura has worked with her a little too, special techniques to take advantage of her height. I'm sure she'd be happy to pass those on to you."

That piqued Renji's curiosity. Reclusive as he was, Captain Komamura was regarded as one of the best sword fighters in the Gotei.

"What do you think? Willing to give it a shot?"

"I…guess," Renji agreed hesitantly.

Unohana cocked her head. "I know you can thrive here, Mr. Abarai. I want to see you thrive!"

Renji couldn't help it, he snorted. Thriving. There was a time, maybe an entire ten minutes, when it seemed like he had a bright future laid out for him. When he passed his first term at the Academy, when he fantasized about which squad he'd be accepted to, about making a home here in the Seireitei, about asking Rukia- no. It had been an illusion. He'd been a fool. He was still a fool.

Unohana could clearly sense his reluctance. "If you finish out your probation period," she said, "and you still want to go, I will approve your transfer request, and you can go bash foreheads with those other mountain goats in the Eleventh." She sighed. "I would be very sad about it though."

"You think too much of me, ma'am," Renji mumbled.

"Hmm?" Unohana looked surprised. "Oh, yes, of course I care about you, dear. But I would also really love to see the look on Kuchiki Byakuya's face when you splay his bowels across a dueling field. I would put them back in for him, of course, but…" she gestured vaguely at her own face, "the visage of an insufferable man, faced with his own comeuppance. Delightful."

"Okay," Renji squeaked.

"I've taken up enough of your free time, I'll leave you to your sword exercises! Have a nice evening, Mr. Abarai! Oh, and tuck your elbows more, you're going a little loosy-goosy, there."

To his credit, Renji managed to wait until she rounded the corner of the laundry building before he had to sit down.

I wasn't actually planning to write today, I was going to do this tomorrow, but then I found it was Unohana's birthday, so I did it today for my queen. I wrote this in two hours.