Maybe in the start we would laugh. Maybe in the end we would cry. But I believe in every book I ever read, and what you said. And the moon is in the sky. And the tears did fill my eyes. And the memories they all had passed, but in my head they'll always last. In the end before I could be, I showed the world what it means to me. Believe it or not, I made them see. This is what happiness means to me
27th August 2020
To say that a-level results day was a shambles was a bit of an understatement. As many as 40% of the grades were downgraded by two or even three grades, resulting in devastation among the students given the situation and that they were already stressed out. After a rather stressful few days (even though Merlin and Morgana didn't teach a-level), it was determined that the grades for both GCSE and a-level would be "Centre assessed grades" or CAGs, ensuring that all the pupils got the grades that they deserved. At Camelot Grammar school, the grades were rather good on both gcse results day and a-level day, some good news at last during the bleak times. Usually, Merlin and Morgana would go into the school when the pupils would collect their results, instead this year they would have them emailed to them and could pick up the results if they wanted to. The majority of sixth form and fifth form went in, given that they had all their end of year celebrations, parties and prom cancelled. Morgana and Merlin decided to stay home, given that they didn't want to expose themselves or the children to any germs, even if it was beginning to get rather boring staying at home. The most amusing thing they'd done so far was do a footprint and handprint using the kit that Mithian had given them for Alfie, having the most adorable little prints of his tiny foot and hand. Elyan was hospitalised with coronavirus related problems and died a few days later, which only increased Morgana's anxiety.
"We need to leave the house" Merlin sighed. "I mean, I'm so bored of being at home".
"I know" Morgana replied. "I just think with a newborn and everything happening, it's better to stay at home. Why don't you take Amhar for a walk or something?".
"We could let Mithian and Leon meet the baby? They haven't been going out".
"I know, Merlin" Morgana rubbed her forehead and took Alfie out of the Moses basket as he began to stir. "He's a newborn, I'd rather stay at home. If you want to leave the house take Amhar for a walk".
"Well that's what I'll do then!" Merlin retorted. "And I'm taking the dinosaur buggy!".
"Good" Morgana spat as she tried to settle Alfie.
"We'll be back in a few hours" Merlin said. "Let you have some alone time".
Morgana nodded. "Take your time. Don't forget to social distance".
"I won't" Merlin muttered as he unfolded the buggy and sorted Amhar out, walking out the house and locking the door. Morgana sighed and put Netflix on so that she could feed Alfie. The cluster feeding had finally ended, though he did need feeding rather often, although it was more like every two hours instead of every half an hour. Alfie remained awake after that, so Morgana decided to stay on the sofa and watch her newborn, talking to him even though he probably couldn't understand. Not that she had anything to do, she instead began to get lost inside her head as the thoughts swarmed.
Alfie could get coronavirus which could trigger him to not breathe again. Amhar could bring something home from nursery, likewise with Merlin returning to work. It wasn't safe to go out, too many germs and the baby could get ill and end up in the PICU. Morgana gently stroked his cheek, not that she wanted to admit it but she was terrified. She looked at Alfie and burst into tears. Exhausted from the ordeal, she went upstairs to the bedroom and took off Alfie's babygrow, putting him in a gro-swaddle and then putting him into the Next2Me. She was going to fight sleep, aimlessly scrolling on her phone yet by the time she lay down and saw that Alfie was content, she was out.
Merlin sighed as he pushed Amhar along the path, phoning Will and arranging to meet at a field a short walk away.
"Well well well ..." Will drawled. "If it isn't Mr Emrys".
"Good afternoon to you too" Merlin snorted.
Amhar squealed. "Willy!".
"I bloody love that kid" Will chuckled.
"He has the best names for everyone" Merlin agreed. "Morgause is Morgue now".
"I love that" Will grinned. "Well, I know that congratulations are in order".
"I a big bruvver" Amhar said.
"You are aren't you" Merlin ruffled Amhar's hair.
"He's gorgeous. You two did well".
"Thank you" Merlin smiled. "How are you?".
"Bored as hell" Will replied. "You?".
"Sleep deprived" Merlin smirked. "Gwen's brother, Elyan has coronavirus and died so uh ... you know, it's been hard".
"Gwen had a brother" Will frowned. "How strange, she never mentioned him!".
"I know" Merlin mused. "He and Gwaine were together".
"I thought so. Gwaine hasn't been that drunk as of late".
"I know" Merlin agreed. Merlin and will stayed at the park until Amhar began to get tired and napped in the buggy so they headed back home. The house was silent as Merlin went into it. Stair gates done up on all the rooms and the stairs. Morgana wasn't anywhere downstairs, probably taking a nap. After putting Amhar in his bed he went over to the bedroom. Alfie was laying on his back gurgling to himself in his sleep, Morgana sprawled on the bed. Merlin smirked and stroked her cheek then picked Alfie up.
"Hey you" he smiled.
"Shit" Morgana muttered as she looked around. "Did I fall asleep!".
Merlin nodded. "Where's Alfie? Is he okay?".
"He's fine" Merlin reassured her as he looked at the baby in his arms.
"My boobs are about to explode" Morgana muttered. Right on cue, Alfie let out a cry and Merlin passed his straight to Morgana.
"Why don't we head to Severn beach tomorrow?" Merlin suggested.
"Maybe" Morgana shrugged. "Then again, there's the covid risk. We've already had someone we know die of it".
"I know" Merlin sighed. "I mean, we can't stay cooped up indoors for ages".
"Okay, but we'll go in the evening" Morgana decided. "Get some chips from the chippy, it'll be less busy then".
"We're staying away from the water" Merlin said. "I am not chasing a toddler in the waves again".
"Glad we agree on something then" Morgana chuckled. She looked at Alfie and supported his head. He was already two weeks old but had only just moved into size 1 nappies, he had outgrown tiny baby clothes, all newborn size would fit him and 0-1 months no longer swamped him though 0-3 month old still did. Unsurprisingly he had lost some weight, it was normal for exclusively breastfed babies to loose up to 10% of their body weight in the first two weeks so neither Merlin nor Morgana were too concerned. Morgana looked at him and started to cry.
"What's the matter?" Merlin asked as he put a hand on her shoulder.
"Nothing" Morgana sobbed. "And ... and that's the problem. Nothing's wrong. I don't know why I'm upset but I am".
"You just had a baby, you're bound to be feeling vulnerable. We're in the middle of a pandemic, you don't have the support or experience that you'd have expected to have".
"I thought that it'd be good. Easy to adjust to. Instead, it's fucking knackering and tiring, exhausting not to mention the toll of it all, worrying about the baby".
"I know" Merlin agreed. "I mean, they expect me to be able to work with no protection or anything to at least fifty kids a day! Day in, day out. How is this safe?".
"It's a global pandemic Merlin" Morgana said gravely. "No one is safe".
28th August 2020
Just after four when everyone else appeared to be leaving, Merlin and Morgana arrived at the beach and walked along the promenade. Merlin wanted to go on the sand though it was still rather sunny and they couldn't have the baby go in the sun so remained on the shady promenade walking along. They momentarily stepped out of the shade and the sun shone into Alfie's eyes, he blinked and squeezed them shut.
"Oh shit did we traumatise him!" Morgana exclaimed.
"He was exposed to sunlight" Merlin said. "Oh bloody hell. Uh ... Amhar will be fine I'm pulling the pram so it doesn't go in his eyes".
"Good idea" Morgana agreed.
After walking around for a short while, they went to the chip shop and grabbed their dinner, sitting on some steps to eat. They ran into Kara and Mike, they had Amelia and Noah with them and had a catch up, the kids excited to see each other. Morgana let Amhar hug Noah given that they had been isolating and as they were outside the risk was lower, that and they'd be in the same nursery bubble next week. They also decided that for Noah and Amhar's birthday that they'd go to Alton towers given that schools would be back and it'd be less busy (not to mention cheaper in the hotels!). Alfie would be around six weeks old at the time so Morgana could go on some rollercoasters, and while over the height limit for the baby rides at only two Amhar was still free, not that he would be for much longer as most places began charging at three, so Merlin and Morgana wanted to make the most of it while they could.
Amhar chatted away about his day at the beach with his friend as Merlin put him to bed, mentally adding "please shut up and go to sleep" while saying yes and nodding. Usually he'd take around half an hour to settle yet after ten minutes of constant babbling he was out, Merlin sneaking out the room and downstairs to watch a movie with Morgana.
"Sleeping beauty?" Morgana suggested.
"Okay" Merlin said. "We haven't watched that in ages".
"I was obsessed with her as a child" Morgana chuckled as she loaded the Princess section on Disney+. By the time the film almost ended both Merlin and Morgana were half asleep—at least until Maleficent turned herself into a dragon.
"This movie is really fucking dark for a kids movie" Merlin remarked.
"It is" Morgana agreed as she made sure that Alfie wouldn't be able to see the TV. "Holy shit. That was me! During the last few days before Arthur's death".
"It was" Merlin agreed as he raised his eyebrows. They continued to watch the fight while Prince Philip began to loose, almost falling off a cliff and the fairies enchanting his sword.
"Ironic how the fairies enchanted the sword to kill a dragon, while back in Camelot you needed a sword forged in a dragon's breath to kill anything or anyone immortal" Morgana drawled.
"Times have changed" Merlin shrugged. The sword was thrown into the dragon's stomach and Maleficent screamed, tried to eat Philip and died.
"That's just like when you killed me!" Morgana exclaimed as she pointed her finger at the tv. "I was literally that dragon! Trying to kill Arthur and all".
"Those times were rather dark" Merlin agreed.
"Then again, killing people wasn't and isn't the answer. I think I was partly brainwashed by Morgause, but then again it was my own doing, if you get what I mean?".
"She's your sister! Of course you'd want things to be good there".
"And it was, at first. Until everything changed".
"You mean I poisoned you" Merlin grimaced. "I do regret as a general not telling you about my magic".
"I know" Morgana sighed. "As do I with trying to kill you Arthur and everyone. I'm sorry".
"Me too love" Merlin said as he hugged his wife.
"Imagine what we could've been" Morgana mused.
"There's no point in dwelling on what could have been or how things could have gone. Things are the way that they are now, and that's that".
"Just us four" Morgana smiled. "Me, you, Amhar and Alfie. The way it happened obviously could've happened under better circumstances".
"But it's perfect?" Merlin finished.
"Exactly" Morgana nodded. "As dumbledore likes to say, the ones that we love never really leave us, they're in here". Morgana picked up Alfie and looked out the window into the dark starry sky.
"Dear, it was Sirius that said that not Dumbledore" Merlin chuckled as he joined her at the window.
"We're sleep deprived, not that I care" Morgana said as she looked at Alfie sleeping soundly in her arms. She choked back a sob and looked up at Merlin. "I miss them so much".
"Me too" Merlin agreed as he rested his chin on her head. "I know that when Arthur died at first, I was lost. For ages".
"I just wish they could see how things were now" Morgana sighed.
"You mean the whole COVID-19 situation?" Merlin raised an eyebrow.
"Not that silly!" Morgana laughed. "You know, how things are. The way that we've managed to raise Amhar together and not kill each other. Creating new life along the way too".
"I'm sure that they're watching. Keeping an eye on us, making sure everything's okay—because it will be".