On the surface everything's just fine, but nervous doesn't describe what's going on behind these eyes. It's just too easy to fake a smile. You've got my heartbeat on repeat, going bout a hundred thousand miles. My minds racing but I could never outrun you. 'Cause you're two steps ahead while I'm tripping over my shoes
1st October 2020
"Looks like we need to leave the house today" Morgana sighed.
"Oh" Merlin remarked. "Really?".
"Yeah" Morgana sighed. We're almost out of nappies and wipes for Alfie so looks like I'm venturing out".
"That's good...I thought we already had pampers though?".
"They're the wrong size" Morgana chuckled. "He needs a size 1 not 2. They're not organic anyway, planning to get some pull ups for Amhar".
"I thought we already had some".
"They're the pampers ones, I'm getting him some potty training ones" Morgana rolled her eyes. "Seeing as he's asking for the potty after bath time, I thought it a good idea. Apparently they're like real underwear without putting him in pants".
"He's getting huge" Merlin sighed.
"Well, guess who's getting baby swimming lessons every Wednesday?".
"Is it mummy and Alfie!" Merlin gasped as he spun around with Alfie in his arms.
"Careful" Morgana warned. "Yeah, mummy and Alfie are starting mummy and me swimming lessons".
"Where is it?" Merlin asked.
"Oh the Gibraltar nursing home down the road" Morgana said. "I had the option of the one in that Chepstow village near Avalon, though I can walk to the Gibraltar home. It's a hydrotherapy pool, it's going to be so warm! They do toddler ones at five o'clock so you could take Amhar maybe".
"That sounds great! Well gotta go to work, love you".
"Love you" Morgana kissed Merlin and he hugged Amhar and Alfie before he left.
"What do today?" Amhar asked.
"Let's watch some CBeebies so Alfie can have his milk again, then we go shopping".
"Toys?" Amhar asked.
"No, you just had your birthday!".
Amhar pouted.
"Remember, you got lots of toys" Morgana rolled her eyes. "Okay, so we shall put the double pram and attach the car seat ... seems easy". Usually when Morgana left the house alone with two kids, it was only to go to Amhar's nursery or to go for a short walk around the block, never having been to shops yet. Morgana stood awkwardly in the parent and child area of the car park with the mountain buggy opened at the boot. "The fuck do I add my car seat?". After ten minutes Morgana managed to remove the carrycot adaptors and put the car seat on with the rain cover. She wasn't bothered about Amhar getting germs, he was at nursery anyway even if he was classed as clinically vulnerable with his asthma and CDH. At least at the supermarket they'd socially distance.
"Right, how many layers has the baby got" Morgana wondered. She was still at the car so removed the rain cover to check. Body-suit, baby-grow, cardigan and blanket. What was she wearing? Nursing tank, top, cardigan and coat. "I won't need this" Morgana said to herself as she put her coat back in the car and replaced the rain-cover, walking into the shop.
"What getting?" Amhar asked as Morgana put her mask on and walked in.
"Nappies" Morgana replied.
"I a big boy, no need nappies" Amhar insisted.
"For the baby silly" Morgana chuckled. "You will get some big boy pants".
"Oooh!" Amhar gasped. "All for me?".
"Yeah, all for you" Morgana smiled. "Look, it's the cars pull ups".
"I wike cars" Amhar announced. "They look cool!".
"Where are the bloody pampers pure?" Morgana muttered.
"I dunno" Amhar shrugged. "I get cars pants now".
"Hmm ... should mummy get Alfie Rascal and friends? It says no lotions, fragrance, chlorine, bleach, or latex. Should we get these?".
"Yeah!" Amhar exclaimed.
"Alright, we'll get these for Alfie. And the car ones for you".
"I a big boy!" Amhar grinned.
"That you are" Morgana agreed with a smirk. "Okay, we'll get some water wipes and then we're done".
"Toy?" Amhar asked.
"Tell you what, we'll compromise" Morgana decided. "We'll get you a paw patrol potty, yeah? For upstairs, then you can have the blue potty downstairs".
"Yeah!" Amhar agreed.
"Let's see what baby clothes they have" Morgana announced. "Ooh Amhar, do you want a George pig backpack?".
"Another one?" Amhar beamed.
"Yeah" Morgana smiled. "It's smaller and has some reins on it so you don't have to hold mummy's hand".
"Yeah!" Amhar agreed. "Pwease mummy?".
"Of course sweetie. Well, time to go home now" Morgana said as she went towards the checkouts. "It's so cold, maybe I did need my coat".
"Mrs Emrys?" someone called. Morgana turned around to see who it was.
"Harriet! Oh my god! Hi! Amhar say hi".
"Hi" Amhar grinned and waved.
"How you been?".
"I've been doing great! Results were amazing, started at college and I love love love it, it's great" Harriet gushed.
"Aww I'm so glad" Morgana smiled. "That's so great to hear".
"I see you had the baby" Harriet grinned under her mask. "Congratulations".
"Thank you. He's eight weeks old today, we named him Alfie".
"That's so sweet, he's adorable! Aww".
"How old's the older one?" Harriet's mum asked.
"Amhar?".
"I two!" Amhar grinned as he held two fingers up.
"Aww they're both so cute! It was great to see you".
"You too" Morgana smiled. "Good luck with college. It was great to see you".
"You as well with the little ones" Harriet offered. "Bye".
"Bye" Amhar and Morgana said as they went to the checkout. After getting home, Morgana explained to Amhar that instead of using a nappy that he'd be using a potty like a big boy. As usual just after lunch, Morgana took the kids for a walk with Alfie in the pram and Amhar on his scooter this time using the reins so that he couldn't scoot off and finding herself worrying less about that. Morgana put Alfie in the bugaboo Cameleon, made sure that the baby bag was in the basket along the rain cover and walked to the doctor's surgery. It was less than ten minutes walk, Alfie was happy enough with being in the pram and he looked at Morgana with so much love that she almost cried. How did she deserve to have such a perfect, amazing sweet little baby? Granted, he didn't sleep through the night and was often fussy if he wasn't being held and breastfeeding was absolute agony. For that little boy though, she'd do it all and more. As she approached the doctor's surgery, she put the rain-cover over the carrycot so Alfie wouldn't get splashed with germs. Morgana made sure to feed Alfie while he had his injections and he didn't even cry, the nurse remarking about how she'd only had two babies that hadn't cried.
After that they headed into town to pick up some swim nappies for Alfie and regular pants for Amhar from JoJo Maman Bebe before heading back home for Amhar's nap. While she and Merlin had discussed potty training a few times, both of them agreed that potty training over half term would be ideal as he would become more used to Alfie and Merlin would be home and not working so he'd be able to help out too. As usual when Merlin would return home, he had his bag to strip into before he took his shower upstairs.
"Daddy!" Amhar squealed as he heard Merlin come in. He knew that he had to wait until after Merlin had a shower to hug him, which was rather sad but they had to do what was necessary to ensure minimal transmission.
"Okay, Morgana please don't panic" Merlin said as he walked into the living room with his mask and shield on after he showered. "We have a suspected case of coronavirus in one of my classes, they haven't tested positive it's only suspected".
"Okay" Morgana inhaled sharply. "Okay uh ... why don't you eat your dinner at the desk so we can social distance and whatnot. Keep your mask and face shield on in the house, especially when around Alfie. You don't have to but I'd advise you to sleep on the sofa".
"Okay, that sounds good" Merlin smiled. "What's for dinner?".
"Quorn spaghetti bolognese" Morgana replied.
After Amhar was put to bed, Merlin and Morgana sat at opposite sides of the sofa while they started watching the crown.
"Guess who I ran into today" Morgana commented.
"Uh ... Morgause?" Merlin frowned.
"Bumped into Harriet at Tesco's" Morgana smiled.
"Aw, that's great! How's she been doing?".
"Said she got great results, started at college and it's going well. It's great to see how your students are doing after they've moved on, I was especially wondering how Mor—Harriet" Morgana corrected herself. "Was doing".
"Harriet's Mordred?" Merlin frowned.
"We think so" Morgana sighed. "Yeah ... well, like they all say, new life, people change".
"I told you it all had changed" Merlin winked. Merlin would still have to work until it was confirmed if the child had tested positive so for the next few days he ate while social distancing, slept on the sofa and wore his face mask around the kids.
7th October 2020
The suspected child in school had tested negative over the weekend. The first thing Morgana did after getting the email was rip Merlin's face mask off and kiss him. Merlin was back to work and sleeping in the bed, taking Amhar to nursery as usual. While he had been rather fussy for the last few days, he didn't have a cough or a temperature so went into nursery regardless. Morgana suspected it had something to do with the fact that it was settling in that Alfie was here to stay, he had been rather tearful and clingy, especially at drop off according to Merlin.
Morgana's first swimming session with Alfie had gone extremely well. Alfie loved the water and was squealing with happiness and grins, having his first giggle in the pool much to Morgana's delight. She took a picture of Alfie wrapped up in his towel afterwards and sent a picture to Merlin "baby loves the pool [heart eyes emoji]". Alfie was wriggling around in the carrycot while she dressed herself and tied her hair into a high ponytail when the phone began to ring. Nursery.
"Hello?" Morgana frowned.
"Hi, Amhar has a high temperature so we'll need you to come and pick him up please. You'll need to get him a covid test too before he can return to nursery".
Morgana made sure to hide her panic. "Okay, thank you. I'm currently just finishing up after a swim session so it'll take me a while, minimum half an hour".
"Okay, thanks for letting us know. We have a COVID hub anyway to isolate the children". After changing herself, Morgana walked back home and left the carrycot at home, put Alfie in his car seat alongside the rain cover and put the pushchair frame in the car. Amhar could have coronavirus. Shit. It easily could've been something like a simple cold, but still. A raised temperature was one of the main symptoms. Morgana put the car seat on the frame with his bubble and pushed Alfie over to the nursery and picked him up, though before that she did move his car seat into the front seat. At least that way there'd be less chance of transmission to Alfie, even if the infant carrier did take up quite a bit of room in the back so Amhar's knees were essentially on the dashboard.
"Face itchy" Amhar announced.
"Is it?" Morgana asked with a frown. They were at a red light so she turned to face Amhar. His cheek was rather red. She reminded herself to cut his nails when she got home. They hadn't cut Alfie's nails yet, choosing to file them down instead.
"Yeah" Amhar pouted. "Mummy it itchy".
"I know sweetie" Morgana said as she put her hand on his cheek. It was slightly warm, though not too hot. Hopefully not coronavirus after all. Getting through to the coronavirus hotline took absolute hours, Amhar wanted nothing but comfort so morgana had to comfort him, Alfie was rather unsettled too and it was proving impossible to get a test. Seeing as they were isolating for now, Merlin had to come home and he spent most of his time trying to get through to the coronavirus hotline. They'd get the test at six o'clock the next afternoon and had to isolate for the time being, not even being allowed to leave the house for a walk.
"I know that like, we have quarantine back in March and all" Merlin drawled. "But this is really" he fake coughed, "fucking boring".
"It is" Morgana agreed. "Look, can you see that?".
"See what?" Merlin asked as he looked at Amhar.
"He has a red rash" Morgana frowned. "On his cheek".
"Shit, meningitis!" Merlin gasped. "Right, keep the baby away, I'll get a glass".
"Okay, it's not meningitis" Morgana sighed with relief as Merlin did the glass test.
12th October 2020
The rash spread over Amhar's body the next day when he had to have his covid test, which was rather painful as it was hard to get a two year old to swab their tonsils and stick it up their nose. When Amhar woke up on Saturday he was crying and Merlin was tempted to bring him into bed, only he noticed he had some red spots covering his face where the rash formerly was, as well as over most of his body.
"Morgana!" Merlin called. "I think Amhar's got chicken pox..".
"Shit" Morgana muttered. She was laying in bed feeding Alfie while Merlin had gone to tend to Amhar. "Well .. we have to keep the boys apart I suppose". She decided to call 111 given that Alfie was still a newborn so if he got chicken pox it could be rather dangerous and he could end up in hospital. Given that Morgana had chicken pox as a child and was breastfeeding, she'd likely pass on protection to Alfie anyway, though if he was to show signs of it to speak to the GP. Even though chicken pox (similarly to covid) had an incubation period of twenty-one days so he could have it or catch it. Amhar spent most of his time on the sofa, drinking milk out of his beaker and watching the TV seeing as he couldn't be bothered to play and only wanted to lie there. Alfie had his tummy time on morgana's chest while she lay with him on the sofa, as the coronavirus test was negative Merlin could return to work after the weekend, the results took ages to come back. Morgana thought Amhar was asleep, sighed and changed the channel.
"No!" Amhar whined. "My beebies!".
Morgana groaned. It was only eleven o'clock and if she spent another day staring at CBeebies she'd probably go insane, seeing as they were currently on day five of this. "Look, let's see what else there is, what about Thomas?" Morgana suggested as she switched to milkshake backup. "See, there's the fat controller".
"The fucking troller" Amhar muttered.
"Amhar!" Morgana spluttered almost spitting her water out on the baby, he cried in response. "Okay, no Thomas it is. There has to be something". She flicked through the channels, Amhar declaring no at the majority of them until she went onto LittleBe, the kids ITV channel.
"What that?" Amhar asked.
"Oh my god! It's pingu".
"What pin goo?" Amhar asked.
"Mummy used to watch pingu when she was little like you" Morgana smiled.
Amhar looked rather shocked. "But mummy, you no little, you big!".
"Mummy used to be little" Morgana said as she got her phone. She brought up a picture of herself as a newborn with Arthur and Morgause. "Look, the baby is mummy, with uncle Arthur and that's Morgue".
"Arthur dad" Amhar said.
"Yeah, that's right" Morgana smiled. "That's Arthur dad".
"And Gwen mum?" Amhar asked. Morgana brought up a photo of herself with Merlin, Arthur and Gwen on the Alton Towers trip. "I wike that".
"Me too kiddo" Morgana smiled.
"That beebies land?" he asked.
"Yeah, it is".
"Zoom Morgue?" Amhar asked.
"You want to zoom auntie Morgause?".
"Yeah" Amhar nodded eagerly. His spots had begun crusting over so soon enough he'd be back to normal. After Merlin's shower and dinner, Morgana and Morgause arranged a zoom call between them all.
"Is it on?" Morgause asked. "I can see myself, I swear but you lot ... Ah, there you are!".
"Morgue!" Amhar squealed.
"Hi" Morgause smiled. "Mummy and daddy said you've not been well?".
"I got pecked by a chicken" Amhar said.
"Did you!" Morgause gasped. "How did that happen?".
"Mummy?" Amhar turned to Morgana. "The chicken ate me!".
"Oh no!" Morgause gasped. "You got chicken pox".
"Yeah" Amhar agreed sadly. "It itchy".
"I bet it is sweetie. Have you been watching lots of tv, what is it the youth of today watch. Thomas the tank engine?".
"Nooooo" Amhar whined. "No fucking troller".
"The what!" Morgause laughed.
"He means the fat controller" Morgana rolled her eyes.
"That makes sense" Morgause nodded as she touched her nose and the odd square on it.
"What happened there?" Merlin scoffed.
"Didnt you know? I got a nose job!" Morgause explained.
"You ... did?" Morgana asked uncertainly. Morgause had a large white square of something on her nose which looked rather funny.
"I did" Morgause said triumphantly. "After well ... you know..my nose looked weird. Let's hope it's been sorted now".
"Yes let's" Morgana chuckled nervously. "Okay, I need to feed Alfie so..".
"I'll let you get to it then" Morgause smiled. "Talk soon".
"Bye".
19th October 2020
Even though he had been rather fussy for a few days and wanted to be constantly fed, Alfie didn't get the chicken pox. Luckily instead he was having a growth spurt, finally outgrowing newborn sized clothes at last. Though just because he was older, it didn't mean that he wouldn't get ill. He could still become very ill with coronavirus or chicken pox had he gotten it, even with the immunity from Morgana. She knew that he'd have to get it at some point, though hopefully not for a few more years but that still did nothing to alleviate Morgana's anxiety. Not all was necessarily bad, as there was a two week short sharp firebreak lockdown announced for Wales. Even though the nursery was in England, they'd agreed that if some parents didn't want their child in nursery due to the risk that it was OK, and they'd keep their space open for when it was safe to return. As Camelot Grammar School was also in England, it wasn't going to close except for half term as usual.
Straight Gate - I really do feel for new mums especially during this time! It seems so hard especially with all this added on