All those days, watching from the window. All those years, outside looking in. All that time, never even knowing just how blind I've been. Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight. Now I'm here suddenly I see, standing here it's all so clear I'm where I'm meant to be. And at last I see the light, and it's light the fog has lifted. And at last I see the light, and it's like the sky is new. And it's warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted. All at once, everything looks different now that I see you
9th December 2020
With the rising cases of coronavirus and the decision to save Christmas, secondary schools across Wales had decided to switch to online learning for the last few weeks of term as to make sure there was the fourteen day isolation period before Christmas so that everyone could meet their family. The first coronavirus vaccine had been approved, the Pfizer vaccine and had been administered to those who agreed to take part in the trial, a rather emotional morning as things had begun to get somewhat normal again. Suffice to say that it had been a rather emotional week. Private schools would be closing earlier anyway, Camelot grammar planning to close on the 11th December while a lot of other schools in England were still attending until the 18th.
People were allowed to meet up for Christmas, under their "Christmas bubbles" which could consist of up to three households, who could see one another freely without having to social distance between the 23rd and 27th December. Things had also improved for new parents, those with a baby under the age of one on the second of December were allowed a support bubble (in England at least, rules were unclear in Wales and with the confusing government website), it made the most sense for the Emrys family to bubble up with the Nemeth-Hunter family given that Morgana and Mithian had grown extremely close over time and likewise with Leon and Merlin. Christmas plans were made, Merlin's parents would be coming over and possibly staying for a short while as they bubble, spending the end if the year as a family. A part of Morgana wanted to invite morgause, though she was still smoking and she didn't want second-hand smoke in the house with the baby, and she probably wasn't following the guidelines properly (according to Merlin she'd walk around school with her nose sticking out her mask or having it around her chin, touching her face often), though Merlin and Morgana did not want to take that risk.
Morgana and Mithian were in the changing rooms as they began to get ready for their last swimming lesson. At ten months old, Athena was quite older than most babies in the group, and though they did accept babies up to twelve months old, Mithian had decided book the older baby sessions for after Christmas to fit in with her return to work, though Morgana would remain in the same class.
"I can't believe it's almost the end of the year!" Morgana cooed at Alfie as she put both his swim nappies on, as per protocol for the pool requiring all babies to have double nappies on.
"She's going to be one soon" Mithian sighed as she put Athena on her hip. "Now, who's ready to go swimming?". Athena and Alfie squealed as their mothers went to the pool and lowered themselves in, making sure to socially distance from the others. The last class was rather good, everyone enjoying the little sense of normality for the time being. It was said that after Christmas that secondary school kids would have online learning for two weeks before actually going in, as it was now shown to have high transmission rates, many bubbles at the school popping. Though it simply wasn't that worrying anymore. At least not to Morgana. She wasn't sure whether it was the CBT or what, she didn't find herself concerned. She no longer made Merlin strip his clothes and go take a shower and brush his teeth as soon as he got home, it wasn't like he was working in a COVID ward so it simply wasn't necessary. Of course there were still many things she found herself worried about—like Alfie getting internally decapitated if they had to put him forward facing earlier than she was ready to or ending up in hospital. Coronavirus itself was less worrying. She'd known people that had had it and turned out fine, Morgause being a key example. Once more, Morgana didn't bother with the rain cover while she took Alfie out the car to collect Amhar and likewise with the car going home.
"Baby shark mummy?" Amhar asked.
"No" Morgana said. "Mummy's the driver, so mummy chooses the music".
"Kay" Amhar pouted.
"Did you have fun today at nursery?" Morgana asked.
"Yeah" Amhar grinned. "We sing baby shark, I made a picture for you, I had fun".
"Good" Morgana smiled. "Then, next week you won't be going to nursery".
"Why?" Amhar asked.
"Because, next week it's the holidays! So daddy will be at home all day too, and then it's Christmas Day".
"Santa come!" Amhar exclaimed as he excitedly kicked Morgana's seat.
"No kicking" she warned. "Yes, he'll come on Christmas Day and so will grandma and grandpa".
Amhar's face lit up. "Yay! I like gwandma and gwandpa, they good and make me chocolate pancakes but not on de phone".
"Toddlers" Morgana muttered with a smile as she shook her head. "Always thinking about their stomachs".
"Mummy, make cookies?" Amhar asked.
"Okay, when we get home" Morgana said. "We can practice so that we make cookies for Santa on Christmas".
"Yay" Amhar squealed excitedly. It was Alfie's feeding time when they arrived home so Morgana put him in the ergo and fed him while making cookies with Amhar.
"I eat the chocolate?" Amhar asked.
"Okay, one chocolate chip" Morgana agreed.
"And one for Alfie?" Amhar asked.
"No, he only has milk remember" Morgana reminded him.
"From your boobies" Amhar announced. Morgana looked down and noticed he'd unlatched and put her boob away. "Haha, mummy's boobies has chocolate chips".
"Amhar" Morgana groaned. She worked with teenagers, how bad could toddlers be? Very bad, though very sweet. "But if mummy eats a chocolate chip then Alfie can have it in mummy's milk".
"Open wide" Amhar grinned as he put a chocolate chip cookie in Morgana's mouth. "Now what?".
"Now, you're very messy" Morgana chuckled. "So, should we take a bath with baby Alfie?".
"Yeah!" Amhar agreed. "And the baby bubbles cause Alfie's a baby, not the big boy bubbles, only I have the big boy bubbles".
"That's right" Morgana smiled as she put the cookie mixture in the fridge given that the instructions said they had to be chilled for half an hour before they were put onto a tray. "Let's take a bath". Bath time with both the boys was a rather fun occasion, Amhar sharing his toys with Alfie as he contentedly lay there and kicked the water. He could lift his head up and support his body when he was on his tummy though had yet to be able to do so while lying down, the slippery-ness of the bath didn't help though he was happy to just kick the water. This was one of Morgana's favourite parts of motherhood, watching both children happily splashing away in the water giggling away. She let them play for half an hour before taking them through to the bedroom and laying them down in their towels on the floor as Amhar tickled Alfie before they had to get changed. These were the moments that she wanted to last forever. With Merlin at home too, it'd be even greater.
11th December 2020
"I'm home" Merlin called as he locked the door up. "Only forty percent of kids came in. Forty! I actually rather missed the church service and end of term assembly this year, it's strange over zoom".
"Mummy!" Amhar squealed as he waited at the stair gate for Morgana to let him in, while Merlin removed his wellies.
"Hi sweetie" Morgana grinned as she picked him up for a cuddle. "Good day at nursery?".
"Yeah, you got all my pictures!" Amhar babbled as he pointed to the folded Merlin had.
"All of this term's paintings" Merlin grumbled.
"Lovely artwork" Morgana chuckled as she sat on the sofa and flicked through his works of art.
"Any plans for tonight?" Merlin asked.
"Not much...Amhar can go to bed, we'll have some cookies and hot chocolate then we can watch a Christmas flick on Netflix".
"Sounds good. Any one in particular in mind?".
"There's one called the Holidate. It's a fifteen so we'll have to wait until Amhar's sleeping".
"That's okay" Merlin said. They sat on the floor and wrapped up the Christmas presents for the kids while Amhar was sleeping and Alfie just chilled as they watched the movie.
"So how do we do this?" Merlin asked.
"It's easy" Morgana chuckled. "We use the paw patrol paper for Amhar and the cute snowman and reindeer one for Alfie".
"So we have our pile of gifts from us, the Santa gift and then the rest goes in the stocking" Merlin checked.
"That's right" Morgana confirmed. "Let's get on with it". They multitasked mainly concentrating on wrapping and occasionally the movie.
"Well that was terrible" Morgana remarked. "Awful film. Sloane was spoilt as hell not to mention whiney, they may as well have gotten with their other people they liked in the first place".
"That's definitely not on our watch again list" Merlin said as he put a thumbs down on that movie.
"Well, come on Mr Emrys let's go to bed" Morgana purred.
"I like that idea" Merlin smirked as he closed the stair-gates and followed Morgana up the stairs.
14th December 2020
"Rise and shine" Merlin greeted. "It is a beautiful day, life is great".
"Shut the hell up Merlin" Morgana muttered. Alfie whimpered lightly as she rolled over and began feeding him straight away.
"Should I get Amhar?" Merlin asked.
"Okay" Morgana reluctantly agreed. "And coffee. Too early".
"It's seven thirty" Merlin chuckled. "I think that's early by Alfie and Amhar's standard".
"Touché, but not by mine" Morgana grumbled. "Though seeing as now we're parents that's the life I suppose. Go get Amhar".
"Alfie!" Amhar greeted with a smile as he kissed the feeding baby's head and clambered into bed.
"Morning" Morgana smiled as she ruffled his hair. It was mainly blond, though he had begun to get brown streaks at his roots over the last few days. Probably due to the fact that it was winter and not sunny anymore. "Where's daddy?" Morgana frowned as she looked around the room. The stair gate was on for some reason.
"I'm down here, in the kitchen" Merlin said over the baby monitor. They'd attached a camera to the co-sleeper, while they didn't tend to leave Alfie alone in it for long periods of time, it could occasionally be useful.
"Hi daddy" Amhar grinned as he put his face in the camera. "What doing?".
"Surprise" Merlin replied. He came back with a tray, two mugs and Amhar's cup.
"Mmm, coffee" Morgana smiled as she leant on the bed's headboard. Alfie had stoped feeding and she burped him then used a pillow to prop him up against the headboard.
"He's getting so big" Merlin smiled as he put Amhar's cow cup down, handed Morgana's her coffee and got into bed with his coffee.
"I know" Morgana sighed as she cupped his head. "You're growing too fast Alfie!" They saw that Amhar had the cuddly toys and was playing with them, paying no attention to his milk. Alfie grabbed the handle of the cow cup and lifted it close to his face.
"No" Amhar shrieked as he turned around. "That my milk. My milk". Alfie looked at him rather confusedly, his expression clearly saying 'what did I do?!'.
"Oh dear" Merlin sniggered. "First fight".
"You dwink your milk in mummy boobies" Amhar said as he drank his milk. "My milk" he pointed at his cup. "Your milk" he poked Morgana's boob.
Merlin and Morgana almost spat out their coffee, Merlin coughing while Morgana laughed.
"Did you hear him!" Merlin spluttered.
"I did" Morgana laughed. "I can't believe he just said that!".
"Someone doesn't like sharing do they?" Merlin said as he ruffled Amhar's hair. "One of the girls at nursery said he doesn't like to talk about the baby".
"So he is jealous" Morgana raised an eyebrow. "Even though he's the sweetest when it comes to his brother".
"I don't think him not wanting to share his milk was that sweet".
"It's the genes" Morgana's raised an eyebrow. "I don't like to share", she realised her mistake, "Pendragon even. We don't like to share".
"He's still got part of your DNA, he is your brother's kid" Merlin shrugged.
"I suppose" Morgana sighed. "I thought we were used to it ... I guess not".
"Used to what?" Merlin frowned.
"You know, having Amhar around. I guess the thing is with adopted kids is that biologically they're not yours. So the gene jokes don't work per say. Then again, he is my nephew so..".
"You still have the genes, you're still related" Merlin shrugged. "Just slightly differently".
"I guess" Morgana sighed. "I thought with time ... we would've been able to handle it".
"We just, you know take it as it goes along I suppose. He is related to you, he does have some of your genes. Though he isn't related to me. Not like Alfie".
"I'm sorry" Morgana said. "I didn't think about it like that".
"That's okay" Merlin replied. "It is what it is. We may not be the most conventional family".
"Well tough it's our family" Morgana smirked. "I like our family the way it is. I truly do. Though I don't think we're complete if you get me".
"Yeah, I do" Merlin nodded. "I think maybe two more. I always wanted four kids".
"I wanted three. Being one of three myself, I guess I liked it so want the same thing. Obviously with a smaller gap".
"Yes, an eighteen year age is gap is rather interesting" Merlin smirked.
"She's not my mum, we're sisters" Morgana hissed. "Though I do love the age gap between Amhar and Alfie, maybe if ... if everything were to settle down by the time Alfie was one, do you think?".
"That it'd be a good time to try for another one?" Merlin completed. "I think it would be, yeah. Then there's the logistics of having a third child".
"I'm waiting for the Christmas sales and then no more big purchases after that".
"What's that supposed to mean" Merlin frowned.
"Okay, there's this new pram I have my eyes on, Bugaboo have the new Bee6 which I love so uh ... I might've set some rent money aside to buy it in the January sales".
"You're impossible" Merlin chuckled and rolled his eyes. "So, do you think that we'd, you know sell this place? Move out? Cause let's be real it is getting a bit cramped".
"It'd either be sell up here or we could rent it out, I suppose" Morgana shrugged. "I think if we sold both of our flats and saved up".
"Then we could maybe buy a place. I think that a four bed would be good?".
"Five" Morgana decided. "While I do want three I am open to the option of a fourth".
"So...I guess we ought to start looking".
"In the new year?" Morgana suggested. "Let's get the kids bundled up in the double buggy after breakfast and go around looking".
"We can do that" Merlin agreed. The Emrys family ate breakfast and packed up the buggy with snacks and lots of spare changes of clothes. While they were tempted to put Amhar in a nappy, he was now a "big boy" and if he had accidents they'd simply have to deal with it. They'd bought a travel potty too that folded up and had a bag with liner to throw out so that it didn't matter if there weren't any toilets nearby. Merlin and Morgana made sure to layer up themselves and the kids in the buggy, giving Amhar a lovely large fluffy blanket while Alfie was in his temperature regulator newborn inlay with a nice fluffy pram-suit that wouldn't overheat him and had his baby blanket before they set off shortly after ten. The air was rather grey though somewhat sunny, a haze of fog engulfing Monmouth as the Emrys family walked around looking at the houses in the area. The streetlights glowed and yellow lights emerged from the frosted windows.
"Ooh!" Amhar said. He blew out through his mouth, mesmerised by the 'smoke' going out onto the air.
"Look Amhar" Merlin said as Morgana took over pushing and he bent to Amhar's level. He blew out the "smoke" while Amhar happily giggled away. Morgana's smiled at she looked at Amhar giggling then Alfie smiling away as he looked at his mother from the carrycot. She looked down and noticed that Amhar was holding Alfie's hand as best he could while he had mittens on. Life was simply breathtaking. She smiled as she watched her family.
19th December 2020
"We met at lunch time to agree on the new restrictions" Boris said. "We are taking the following actions. First we will introduce new restrictions in high risk areas, specifically those parts of london, the south east and east of England which are currently in tier three. These areas will enter a new tier four which are broadly similar ot the national restrictions that were in England in November. That means residents in those areas must stay at home apart from limited exemptions".
"What about Wales!" Merlin shouted at the tv as Boris continued to say what could remain open. "We have lockdown after Christmas but what else!".
"All tiers will be continued to be regularly reviewed in line with the approach previously set out, with the next formal review taking place on the thirtieth of December".
"Looks like we're ending the year in tiers" Merlin dramatically sighed.
"Tears?" Morgana frowned. "Why?".
"Tier four" Merlin grinned. "Or whatever they've done for us".
"We're asking all people to stay local".
"You don't think he's about to cancel Christmas do you?" Morgana frowned.
"Well, let's just see" Merlin sighed.
"Third we must again look at Christmas" Boris announced.
"About bloody time" Merlin muttered as he turned the volume up.
"And as prime minister it is my duty to take difficult decisions to do what is right to protect the people of this country. Given the early evidence we have on this new variant of the virus and the potential risk it poses it is with a very heavy heart I must tell you we cannot continue with Christmas".
"Oh. No Santa" Morgana remarked.
"No Christmas ... he cancelled Christmas!" Merlin exclaimed. "I guess we'll, we just have to spend it us four then?".
"I suppose so" Morgana shrugged.
"In England those living in tier four areas should not mix with anyone outside their household at Christmas though support bubbles will remain in place".
"At least there's that?" Merlin grimaced.
"Across the rest of the country" Boris continued. "The Christmas rules allowing three households to meet will now be limited to Christmas Day one rather than the five days. There will be no relaxation on thirty-first of January so people must not break the rules".
"Shame, I wanted to go clubbing" Morgana scoffed. "I mean, we're meant to go into lockdown after Christmas so...".
"I think we ought to 'cancel'" Merlin said. "I mean my parents would have to travel across borders, there's the whole new variant things and the NHS is already on its knees at this time of year".
"It's just not worth the risk" Morgana agreed with a sigh. "Most people we've already exchanged presents with. Amhar's been spoilt rotten likewise with Alfie...but I wanted to see your parents so ... bloody hell".
"Mum and dad have already posted everything in case this were to happen" Merlin said. "I just think, with Amhar and a baby we're generally better off just spending it us four".
"I guess" Morgana sighed. "Well, looks like we ought to schedule everyone in with zoom".
"I thought we didn't have that much family?" Merlin frowned.
"We do and we don't" Morgana shrugged. "Amhar can see his brothers, likewise with Morgause and probably Mithian, I think calling my mum would be good too".
"It'd be good to see her" Merlin agreed with a small smile. "Check out this song I found".
"Boris Johnson is a sausage roll?" Morgana raised her eyebrows.
"That's the kid friendly one" Merlin smirked.
A/N: When I watched the movie Holidate (that Merlin and Morgana watched) ... omg I hated it so much! So couldn't not add this lol. This has actually been one of my favourite chapters to write so far (with my favourite ones being when baby Alfie was born, Christmas and probably most of STAGES OF GRIEF {I know I can't just choose one}).
Next chapter: Christmas 2020