Thanks to Ray for beta-reading this!
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Word count: 1719
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Remus spent the whole next day in bed.
Sirius spent most of the day next to him. They weren't speaking, and Remus supposed Sirius was trying to be comforting, but having him there just reminded Remus why Sirius thought he was upset.
That all he knew was the lie that Remus had told him.
That their whole friendship and relationship was based on lie upon lie upon lie. Remus could never be fully honest with Sirius as long as this secret was dividing them. It was so damn unfair to Sirius and Remus felt like such a horrible person for it.
He should never have agreed to be their friend. He should have kept pushing them away, just like he did in their first year. He should never have gotten together with Sirius. Should never have to deceive him. Should never have to let him think he was dating a normal person, when in reality, he was dating a monster.
"Hey, babe, it's okay. Slow breaths." Sirius rolled over and hugged Remus from behind, holding tight and pressing a few kisses to his neck. "I got you."
Remus hadn't realized till then that he was crying. He quickly wiped the tears away, and sniffed. Sirius held tighter.
It was three am and Remus was exhausted, but he couldn't fall asleep. He felt guilty for sharing a bed with Sirius, but he didn't know how to explain why they had to use separate beds, not without coming up with another lie, or breaking up with Sirius.
And Remus needed him. He was selfish, and awful and cruel, but he couldn't let Sirius go.
"Re?" He sounded worried. "Remus, look at me."
Sirius rolled him onto his back, grabbed his chin and forced their eyes to meet, but Remus was blinded by tears and Sirius' grey eyes couldn't calm him like they usually did.
Sirius started giving him instructions, telling him to breathe in a certain pattern, then telling him to list things he could see, touch, smell and taste. Remus rolled his toes and fingers while Sirius conjured a glass of water.
Minutes later, Remus was clutching the glass, and his breathing was, to an extent, back to normal. Sirius stroked his back gently while Remus took small sips from the glass, hoping to buy himself some more time before having to tell another lie.
"You okay now?"
Remus nodded.
"Sure?"
He nodded again.
Sirius bit his lip, but didn't press the subject. He pulled Remus back down and pressed a kiss to his nose.
"Ready to sleep now?"
Remus nodded, although he had probably never felt so awake.
"Do you want cuddles or space?"
"Space, thank you." Remus' voice was hoarse.
Sirius nodded, then carefully tucked Remus in before rolling over to his own side of the bed and whispering goodnight.
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The weeks were passing by slowly, but Remus still found that he couldn't keep up with how quickly things happened.
Sirius was the only thing keeping him afloat.
Sirius who took notes in class for him, who did his homework and always seemed to carry chocolate. Who guided him between classes and meals and who always had a hand on his back, letting Remus know he was there.
Just as he did right now, on their way to Defence Against the Dark Arts.
Sirius' touch was burning his skin, but Remus knew he couldn't live without it.
He half-listened to his friends talking. It was either Quidditch, pranks or Lily Evans. Remus found it hard to follow their conversations sometimes, especially when he had so many other things to worry about, but he did catch one thing.
"Be careful what you say, Pete. You don't want to turn into another Lorenzo Stanzak," James said, causing Peter to snicker and Sirius to laugh loudly, in a way Remus usually loved, but now, only caused his stomach to flip.
Who was Lorenzo Stanzak? And why was it funny?
He didn't even have the energy to pretend to understand, and laugh along with them like he usually would.
Sirius looked at him, and his expression quickly shifted. He tugged at Remus' arm, holding him back while James and Peter kept walking.
"Want to skip and relax instead? You're at the top of the class anyway."
"Okay."
Remus' agreement only made Sirius' eyebrows move closer together. Still, he held on to Remus' hand and began dragging him in the opposite direction of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.
Before Remus knew it, they were outside. The harsh wind seemed to push and pull them in different directions. Sirius led him towards the lake, to a secluded area invisible to the castle. There, he cast a spell around them, causing the wind to stop.
They sat in silence for several minutes. Remus anxiously waited for Sirius to ask whatever it was he wanted.
"Re, are you… are you doing okay?"
Remus sniffled. "Not really." At least that was true.
Though Sirius wasn't as comforted by this as Remus was. He held Remus' hand tighter. "Are you worried about your mum?"
At Remus' nod, he continued. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
Remus thought for a moment. "I think that what you already do, is all you really can do. Mum is getting treatment, and there's really not more anyone can do for her… but you've been so great these past few weeks." He gave Sirius' hand a squeeze. "Although your comfort methods could do with a bit more chocolate."
Sirius giggled and for just a moment, everything was alright in the world.
"I do have some, actually." Sirius dove into his bag and pulled out one of the more expensive chocolates from Honeydukes.
Remus happily took the offered chocolate. He leaned against Sirius' shoulder and ate slowly, letting himself imagine that everything really was okay in the world. That they were just two boys, sharing a nice afternoon together.
Sirius broke the silence. "You know I'd do anything for you, right? I'd do everything it takes to make you feel better."
"Yeah," Remus said, not fully believing his words, but letting himself hope they could be true. "I know."
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Remus slowly blinked his eyes back to focus as Sirius gently shook his shoulders. He sat up and looked around the common room. There were still lots of people there, but Remus noticed that only he and Sirius sat in front of the fireplace.
He jumped out of his seat.
"My Potion's essay!"
Sirius grabbed his shoulder and forced him to sit down again. "I did it."
Remus sighed, and leaned his head back. He rubbed his temple carefully. The full moon was tonight, and because of how he had been feeling the last month, it was going to be a bad one.
"Babe?" Sirius said, gently touching Remus' shoulder. "You're going to visit your mum tonight?"
He nodded. There was something weird about Sirius' tone, but he was feeling too nauseous to think about it. Remus closed his eyes and focused on breathing.
"That's the only place you're going?"
Remus frowned, but then his heart rate quickened. What if Sirius knew something? What if he knew he went to the Shrieking Shack? His nausea doubled.
Remus nodded, and tried to appear as nonchalant as possible. He could practically hear Sirius wringing his hands, and sinking before finally asking what he had meant.
"It's just… I was really bored without you when you were away last month, and… I was looking at the map, and I saw you in the Hospital Wing."
Remus' throat closed up. He almost burst into tears.
Lies.
"Sorry, I—" Remus took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't want you to worry. We… we found out my mum's illness is genetic, and Madam Pomfrey had me in for observation." He hated that he had come up with a believable lie this quickly.
"Oh." Sirius' eyes widened. "Oh, Re."
Sirius wrapped both arms around Remus, who buried his nose in Sirius' neck and squeezed his eyes shut to keep from crying. He was so tired. Remus really, really wanted to go to sleep, but even that simple request would be impossible with the full moon threatening to rise soon.
"Are you going to Madam Pomfrey or home?" Sirius whispered into his ear while stroking his back gently.
Remus had to take a few breaths before speaking. "Madam Pomfrey."
"Do you want me to take you there?"
Remus nodded. "Can we take the map? I don't feel like running into people." He would have to find a way to get the map from Sirius so he couldn't see him leave the Hospital Wing. And he would also have to get Madam Pomfrey in on his new lie. All these worries pressed at his headache, making it rip his skull open. Remus would be surprised if he managed to walk all the way to the Hospital Wing, and then the Shrieking Shack.
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If Remus lay completely still, he could almost ignore the pain. If he didn't move, he could stay in the bliss of a dream where everything in the world was okay.
"Re?"
Remus started. His heart jumped to his throat, and his eyes opened, just to be blinded by the lights in the Hospital Wing. He sat up suddenly, and coughed into his sleeve. Someone patted his back.
Remus glanced up, and saw a silhouette through his tears. "Sirius?"
"Yeah," Sirius smiled and handed Remus a glass of water. "Drink this, okay?"
He chugged down the first bit of water, but then slowed down, hoping to stall having to talk to Sirius. His brain was notcomprehending anything, and he desperately needed to think clearly right now.
Sirius gently pried the glass out of Remus' hands, and sat it on the nightstand with a light clonk. He then took Remus' hand in his own, looked him in the eyes, and asked a question.
A question which made Remus' mouth dry, caused tears to spring in his eyes, his heart to jump into his throat, hammering as if he had just run a marathon and his brain to go into overload mode, trying to figure out what to say now.
A question which he had dreaded almost his entire life.
"Are you a werewolf?"
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A/N Oh, you wanted a happy ending? What about a cliffhanger instead?
(I feel a little evil, but I promise I'm working on a happy ending right at this moment).
:D