A/N: So I completely redid this entire chapter to reflect my current writing style. I felt it was a very important chapter to the story and I'm happier with how this version turned out. I hope you enjoy the update!
Chapter 3
Padmé cruiser - In the sleeping quarters
Anakin didn't remember kicking his boots off or dropping his belt, with his lightsaber, on the floor. He didn't even remember laying down on the soft and welcoming bed. A fraction of a second later, he had closed his heavy, thick eyelids and drifted off into a deep and endless slumber instantly.
Squinting, his eyes had trouble focusing. Probably because there was nothing to focus on. His vision filled with the infinite sight of pitch black. Unable to use his hearing as his ears felt the numbness of the void, he couldn't rely on that sense either. Each trepid step was eerily silent and he was unable to even hear the beating of his own heart, which was quite troubling.
Where am I? Anakin thought.
Whatever this place was, he was sure he had never been here before, whether in his mediations, dreams, or even his nightmares which he often had and was acutely aware of the difference. It was like a realm of nothingness, just a vacuum that seemed to suck everything into it. Yet, even though deprived of most of his senses, he still could feel the cold.
And it was very cold here.
But, he didn't shiver or maybe he couldn't and that thought was also worrisome. This place was so strange that he couldn't even see or feel his breath. But, he could feel the cold and only one emotion.
Fear.
Just when he thought he was alone in this dismal place, he felt a flicker in the Force. A powerful, domineering being made its presence known, and with the Jedi's lack of sight, he used the Force to guide him. However, as it turned out, he didn't need to use the Force.
"Coward!" An accusing voice spat out of the darkness.
Whipping his head around in the direction of the perpetrator, Anakin's sight saw nothing, yet the Force whispered to him a heady warning.
"Traitor!" Rained another allegation.
A growing annoyance bubbled out of Anakin's chest at the audacity of the figure before him. He had grown weary of this place and this wasn't helping. With everything that had happened recently, patience was in low supply these days for Anakin and whoever this was, picked the wrong day to test his limits.
Anakin's lips curled into an indignant and resentful sneer as a deep growl surfaced, "Show yourself!" His eyes dropped into a withering glare. "You hide and make such ridiculous claims?" He questioned. "You're the one who's a coward!" His hand instinctively hovered over his lightsaber. He had half a mind to use the Force to draw out the insolence and impale the fool with his lightsaber. "Face me!" He demanded.
For a moment, everything was quiet again and Anakin supposed whoever this was had become bored and left him alone. That was until he heard a deep, blood curling rumble that sounded akin to dark laughter.
Out of the darkness emerged a silhouette, out of focus from afar and slowly came into view. Somehow, the darkness didn't touch this creature as Anakin could see him clearly as if he was in broad daylight. What he saw made his blood run cold.
He froze.
Blinking several times, he couldn't trust his eyes, convinced this realm must be playing a trick on him. Before him stood a mirror image of himself, recognizable and yet distinctively different at the same time. Dressed in the customary black garb of the Sith, he wondered at the body double of himself: the same sun streaked dirty blond hair, same broad square jaw, same thick heavy eyebrows with the same well honed muscular body built, yet he loomed over him somehow taller in a menacing way.
But his eyes, oh his eyes were not the same.
Unable to look away, Anakin was mesmerized by the deep, crimson red eyes that reminded him of malignant lakes of blood, stained with murderous flecks of yellow. It made his heart grow still and he found himself shivering at the sight. The being's lips curled into a disappointing scowl as hate radiated off this creature like a raging firestorm.
"You were given a gift of absolute power! Of freedom!" The creature admonished him. "Only to throw it away. You're a bigger fool than I thought you were!" Darth Vader stated, his voice filled with malice and disgust.
At his words, Anakin snorted derisively. There was truth in what he said but Anakin didn't want to admit it. It reminded him of another Sith. Darth Sidious revealed to Anakin a way to save Padmé's life. That's what started his downward spiral but he walked away from it. He was done with it. Fear reared its ugly head again as he considered the person before him. He scolded himself to think he could just walk away so easily.
"This is wrong," Anakin stated, more to himself. "I refuse to go down this path." He found his voice quivering with doubt. He left with Padmé. She dragged him back from the edge of insanity. Yet this beast before him wouldn't let him be.
Darth Vader regarded him pitifully with his Sith eyes. "What? Because the Jedi were more helpful?" He scoffed.
Anakin averted his eyes begrudgingly as he thought about the Jedi. Sure enough, the Jedi callously advised him to let her go. To make matters worse, they suggested for him to rejoice in her death. Although not completely surprised by their continued complacent nature, it struck a personal chord when it came to Padmé. Time and time again, Anakin watched as they turned a casual indifference to the galaxy's pressing issues, like slavery. But when they were called into action by the Republic in need of them to defend itself from the Separatists, they immediately responded. He thought they finally got the wake up call to motivate them. Turns out, even in the Jedi's action, they still had a cold disregard for affairs not crucial to the Republic.
Their indifference was wrong.
Chancellor Palpatine, or as he soon learned, Darth Sidious understood his needs and gave him hope when he offered a way to save Padmé's life. Despite Anakin's doubts, faced with no other options, Anakin desperately believed in the Sith Lord's proposition.
A part of him still believed it. Now in front of him, he was forced to address this issue again. Clenching his fists tightly, staring at Dark Vader, his anger at the Jedi and the continued fear for Padmé's life fueled his doubts and urged him to listen to the Dark Lord. However, in his mind's eye, he saw Padmé's terrified, pleading brown eyes back on the terrace of her apartment on Coruscant. The way she looked at him as his bloodlust grew in the Dark side. How her love for him beckoned against the darkness and tugged at the light still inside of him. She took the doubts he had about the path he chose and gave him another option. He couldn't let her down now. Filled with thoughts of her devotion and love for him, he thinned his lips. He made a promise to her and he intended to keep it.
"I'll find another way. There's always hope." Anakin insisted.
"Hope?" Chastised the Dark Lord. "Was it hope that saved your mother?"
The words stung. Anakin glared defiantly at him, as old wounds opened up raw and painful. His conviction slightly faltering, yet he wouldn't let the monster before him see it.
"This time is different," he snapped at the figure before him, hoping his tone was more confident than how he felt.
Thoughts of his mother drew up painful and bitter emotions that dug at him as he bit the inside of his mouth against the tears threatening to form. To this day, he still mourned his mother's senseless death. He was too late for his mother but with Padmé they still had time. So he thought. And yet, that little voice of doubt spoke up again.
Do you really?
Then, that same obnoxious, condescending laughter erupted from Darth Vader again. "You are weak. Always have been. You lack the courage to do what is necessary."
Darth Vader was irritatingly good at getting under Anakin's skin as he fixed him a stony glare while his conviction faltered. The words were sharp, stabbing at his ego and cutting him brutally to his soul. What good was his promise to Padmé if she was dead? In the past, there were many things Anakin had been cavalier about but Padmé's life was never one of them. Anakin's resolve faltered further under the fears of her and their child dying. It would be all for nothing. He inhaled sharply as agony and despair gripped painfully at his heart. Maybe he was wrong?
For a void filled with nothingness, it was astonishingly suffocating. Swallowing thickly, Anakin couldn't tell if it was the void or Darth Vader, but he felt so claustrophobic at that moment. The chilling cold of the realm's hunger seemed to grow and threatened to eat him whole. He felt the relentless chilling bite of despair gripping at his heart and he sank down to his knees with his fears of a life without Padmé. The doubt in his mind persuaded him further to let go and release himself to the Dark Lord's will. Maybe he wasn't strong enough to save Padmé? Attempting to pull himself out of this, Anakin clung to thoughts of Padmé's love and trust in him to warm the icy grip on his heart. He struggled to stay conscious in this realm as sleep was so enticing. Maybe if he rested for a bit things will be more clear?
Unlike Anakin, Darth Vader was fueled by this place's dark energies with utter satisfaction rolling through his veins, Darth Vader hovered over Anakin. The Dark side was strong with the Sith Lord and he felt his power grow over the fallen Jedi. "Let me handle this and I will keep her safe for you. You are not strong enough to save her."
At those words, a fierce and defiant determination rose in Anakin, snapping him out of his stupor. It was the same unyielding resolve that had helped him brave through the most desperate of times during the Clones Wars. A clarity that was convicting and gave him strength. Anakin Skywalker will not give up that easily. With the Force as his witness, he will not freely succumb to imprisonment in this place. Darth Vader will not win without Anakin fighting to his last breath. And most importantly, Padmé Skywalker will not die under his watch.
"No!" Anakin replied forcefully through gritted teeth, the strength returning to his voice. A steady resolve rose in him as he stood up tall and confident—the energy around the Jedi palpable, causing the Dark Lord to take a step back. Anakin's eyes flashing dangerously, he squared his jaw and tilt his head defiantly. "She won't die! I won't let this happen!"
The initial shock of the moment wore off. The Sith was impressed by the Jedi's tenacity but that wasn't enough. Darth Vader hissed with a thunderous scowl. "You had one chance to save her. Only through the Sith could you save her. Only through Darth Sidious would her life be spared!"
Those words no longer affected him. Shaking his head passionately, Anakin pointed an accusing finger. "You lie! Sith only cares about themselves. That's the power of death! Of destruction! I will not taint her life with such atrocities."
Darth Vader found the Jedi's words laughable and absurd as he was quiet for a second before a dark grin emerged as he responded. "And yet you already have tasted the power of the Dark side. You…are a harbinger of death. A murderer." He snickered knowingly. "This wasn't the first time you killed innocents." He exposed Anakin for the hypocrite he was.
For a moment, Anakin faltered. The guilt of the words fell on him like heavy weights, piercing through the integrity of his honor, and the righteousness he had felt quickly left him. He was a murderer. Not just once and yet the last time was so vivid in his mind. Images of the death and destruction at the Jedi Temple flashed in his mind, of everyone he killed. All the innocent blood he shed. Their lives he could never bring back. Their future taken away by him.
Grief stricken, Anakin felt the screams of their souls reverberating in his mind as he dropped his head into his hands shamefully with his shoulders hunched forward. "I'm sorry." He whispered to himself and to the souls who lost their lives to his blade as he mourned their deaths.
"Sorry?" Darth Vader snorted at the pathetic act of remorse in front of him. "It will not bring them back. Your hands are tainted with blood and it will follow you for the rest of your life." Darth Vader concluded.
It was then something clicked. Anakin had already danced so intimately with the Dark side and felt its immense power. He blinked in recognition as he met Darth Vader's sinister gaze making the connection. He had created the being before him. At this junction, this pivotal point of time, he needed to decide who leaves this realm. It was within his power to decide.
As if Padmé was standing next to him, he could hear her encouragement and faith in him. 'It's not too late,' he heard her voice. And it wasn't.
It's never too late to do the right thing.
His strength returning to him, defiantly, he glared at Darth Vader, ready to make the final stand. "No. Never again! I will not be defined by this!"
Darth Vader crossed his arms at the foolish Jedi, tired of this game. "It is time for you to step aside, Anakin Skywalker. You have proven yourself too weak to do what needs to be done. I will carry on that work and I will keep Padmé safe."
At that, Anakin laughed. He actually laughed-a deep, hearty laugh with a confused Darth Vader staring.
"Oh, I don't think so."
Anakin braced himself. Steady and true, a poised and collected expression set on his face. Anakin's conviction banished the fear and doubt that plagued his mind. Reaching to his hip, he seized his faithful lightsaber and ignited it. The brilliant blue blade hissed to life as it sung loud and true of its owner's desire, somehow defying the vacuum of the void. The time to talk was over. Anakin gripped his lightsaber tight as he rushed forward.
Darth Vader growled in response. If the foolish boy couldn't be made to listen to reason, then he'll teach him a lesson with his lightsaber. Hatred and anger were his allies as he quickly drew his own lightsaber. The red blade burning with its owner's hate as it screeching its menacing call, burning the darkness into a red haze.
Watching his foe advance, the dark twin to the Jedi, clothed in black Sith garb, raised his massive arms, arcing his lightsaber upwards to deflect Anakin's blade as it came crashing down from above. The air electrified and crackled with the reverberating hiss and hums from the lightsabers shocking the silence of the void.
As Darth Vader forced back Anakin's blade, the Jedi moved quickly, crouching down, kicking his leg out to swipe the Sith off his feet. But, catching the action, the Dark Lord leaped into the air with a twist before landing behind Anakin.
Whirling around, Anakin gripped his lightsaber with both hands as Darth Vader advanced. The blades slammed into each other, strike after strike, as neither could gain the advantage. To create space, Anakin dodged the next attack then backflipped away to a safe distance.
They held their positions as both breathed heavily while they eyed each other intently with what they learned, giving each other a calculating pointed glare. The moment passed, at the exact same moment, they rushed at each other again. Blades moved fast against each other. Each attack and counter attack meet with a thunderous clash of their fierce and ruthless blades as their strength was equally matched. Darth Vader fueled by his white hot hatred while Anakin Skywalker stood with his unshakable desire to return to Padmé.
Then they broke away, they stood facing each other as they clutched their lightsabers in a vice like grip. The extend of the battle started to show in their sluggish movements.
In a Sith like move, Darth Vader sneered at him as he taunted the Jedi. "You think yourself capable of eliminating me? You can't get rid of me. I am your destiny!"
Before Anakin could respond, the Sith was on him again as the Jedi stood his ground, his dark twin collided into him. With the crackle and sizzle of the two blades echoing in their ears, Anakin could feel the hot energy radiating off his lightsabers as he grimaced, his elbows started to buckle. And Anakin realized how powerful Dark Vader was as he felt his own blade inching closer to his face. With a quick glance down, Anakin noticed his arms shaking as Dark Vader leaned into his weight. Anakin was one of the best lightsaber duelists in the galaxy, but to match strength against strength against the Sith was foolhardy. He knew it was only a matter of time before one of them made a mistake. Reconsidering his strategy, he'd have to approach this differently. Smirking to himself, he still had a couple tricks up his sleeve.
A fraction of a moment later, Anakin unexpectedly pivoted to the left, causing the Dark Lord to momentarily lose his balance. Taking advantage of the moment, he swung his booted foot and landed it into the exposed soft flesh of the Sith's body and was rewarded with a shocked grunt.
Anger filled the Dark Lord as he stumbled backward while holding his side. Darth Vader drew his crimson lightsaber in front of him, switching to the defense. The maneuver was an unfortunate surprise to the Sith, who needed to reevaluate his tactics. The boy was crafty but he was still no match for the power of the Dark side.
They backed up again, pacing each other in a predatory dance. Darth Vader shot Anakin an infuriated look with the lucky strike, while Anakin flashed him a wry smile as he spiritedly flipped the blade in his right hand in a quick flourish.
"Whenever you want to give up, just let me know." Anakin cooed, his cavalier smile spreading across his face.
Darth Vader snorted, "You'll never be rid of me. I am your anger. Your rage! You would be lost without me."
Sighing exasperatedly, Anakin's cockiness returned. "You know, you talk way too much." Smiling when he was rewarded with the Sith's glare. Then he switched into a more serious tone as he squared his jaw and eyebrows lowered in concentration. He held the lightsaber by the side of his face. "It's time to end this."
Darth Vader's dark laughter filled the air. "Arrogant as always. Calling a victory before it is within your grasp."
The Dark Lord leaped high into the air with his blade burning brightly above his head as he came crashing down. Steeling himself, Anakin masterfully parried the attack throwing his opponent to the side. Before Darth Vader could regain his balance, Anakin lunged forward, bringing his blade up in a long, swift arc from right to left. The determined Jedi launched a series of quick attacks, blows descending like rain.
The Sith shielded his own intentions as he feigned being off guard as he shuffled his footing, pretending to give the Jedi the advantage. To his delight, he saw the mistake he was hoping for. Predicting that Anakin would swing at the opening Dark Vader intentionally created on his left flank, he thrust forward, aiming for what he envisioned was an opening to his opponent's abdomen.
What Darth Vader didn't expect was for Anakin to anticipate the treachery and countered with his own. Everything happened quickly. At the last second, Anakin twisted far left instead of right and parried Darth Vader's thrust from the outside, causing Darth Vader's blade to draw inwards as he propelled his dark twin to his right. With this maneuver, Anakin positioned himself on the outside of Darth Vader's right. In the same motion, Anakin spun while moving forward, though usually right hand dominate, Anakin dropped his lightsaber from his right hand, twisting to grab the Sith's right wrist tightly as he quickly summoned his lightsaber to his left hand. Pressing his advantage, Anakin yanked Darth Vader's arm forward with his right hand as his left hand, gripping the lightsaber, plunging it into the now open and defenseless Sith Lord's chest.
The Sith let out a terrible cry as he dropped forward, his lightsaber slipping from his hand. The blade crashed to the ground with a sharp clank, echoing loudly through the quiet realm. Anakin deactivated his lightsaber, reaching forward to catch the fallen Dark Lord, as he gently lowered him to the ground.
Anakin gazed down with a mixture of pity and sadness as he couldn't bring himself to hate the sight before him. It wasn't only because of their physical similarities, but as the Sith mentioned, he was also a part of him. If Anakin would admit it, maybe Darth Vader was right; he would always be a part of Anakin. The part that carried his pain and regrets in the form of anger for all these years. Frowning but with gentle eyes, he could only look at the fallen Dark Lord with compassion.
Looking up, Anakin noted the air was noticeably warmer as the darkness in their surroundings lifted, giving way to the light. The outcome of the battle shifted the essence of this realm.
Darth Vader managed one last sneer up at Anakin, "If she dies, you will only have yourself to blame. Mark my words, I will be there to bear witness to your failure."
Anakin responded with a softness in his gaze, "You have carried my pain for me all these years. For that, I thank you but I will no longer need you anymore. No matter what happens." Darth Vader faded into nothing, leaving Anakin by himself in the gentle, soothing rays' warm glow.
Groaning softly, Anakin's eyelids felt heavy and swollen as they hesitantly fluttered open. He woke in a daze with his brain foggy and confused with his whereabouts. Simultaneously, all his senses came rushing back to him, flooding him all at once. The intensity was crushing, and he desperately longed to squeeze his eyes shut, blocking out the intrusion, except for the sudden rush of adrenaline, probably from the duel, pumping vividly through him. The resulting deafening panic rang through his body, causing him to gasp loudly as he immediately sprang up on high alert. Sitting up, he became aware of his hands clutching a durasteel railing in a death grip while noticing the soft padding of bedsheets he was sitting on. He blinked several times to clear his mind. The gentle rumbling of the ship's engine helped calm his nerves, but it wasn't enough. Realizing he was breathing heavily, he felt beads of sweat trickle down his forehead. Instead of settling down, his body had other ideas as a wave of nausea came out of nowhere, causing his stomach to lurched forward. Closing his eyes, he willed his racing heart to relent while focusing on his grip on the rail in an attempt to drive out the other sensations as he rode out the remanence of the adrenaline's effects. A sweet, angelic voice broke through his trance.
"Ani?"
And that voice. That wonderful music to his ears.
His eyes darted up as he took stock of his surroundings. Scanning the room, he was back on Padmé's cruiser, more specifically in the main bedroom. He hoped for the best, licking his lips as his eyes flickered around the room. At the sight before him, his heart skipped a beat. Wondrously, his vision filled with the glorious image before him as his eyes drank in the beautiful, amazing, miraculous sight of Padmé, his wife. No longer in her Senatorial dress, she sat at a nearby table clothed in a form fitting cream top and loose fitting tan pants held up with straps that crisscrossed the front of her top, her feet adorned with dark brown knee high boots. Padmé's beautiful, luscious soft brown long curls had been pulled back into a singular braid that draped delicately across her shoulder. She was absolutely stunning. A wave of endless love and complete admiration washed over him like a warm summer breeze. He must have had a goofy look on his face as she turned a quizzical eyebrow at him and he recoiled away sheepishly.
When he felt bold enough to face her again, he swallowed hard before asking, "How long have I been asleep?"
"Several hours. We're getting close to the Outer Rim." Padmé replied quietly, and Anakin could hear the concern in her voice but couldn't muster an answer to the unsaid question.
Nodding slowly as his memory returned, he faintly heard the metal creaking under his cybernetic hand and realized he was still clenching the frame. Instantly he let go, turning both his hands over to look at them. A sudden coldness flooded him as his vision faded in and out. It caused him to blink and red filled his vision. Looking down, shocked, his hands were bathed in thick, sickly deep red blood and he could still feel the warmth radiating off the liquid as it accused him of his crimes and the bodies they came from. Inhaling sharply, he squeezed his eyes shut to the memory and opened them again. To his surprise, the sticky sensation disappeared as he turned his gaze to his hands that morphed back into clean and dry once again. A myriad of emotions tumulted through him like a catastrophic tsunami's wave: guilt, fear, anger, sadness, regret. Still unsure if what he experienced was a dream, a nightmare, a vision, or some mixture of them all, what he was sure of was the last actions he did, willing, on Coruscant at the Jedi Temple. The truth of what happened couldn't be ignored.
Clenching his fists tightly, as he thinned his lips, his body shook and trembled as repentant tears fell freely from his face against his will. Utterly remorseful, he finally understood the magnitude of his foolish actions. He was never great at thinking first, then acting, but this was on a completely different level, and the repercussions of his actions devastated him. His shattered heart was besieged with emotion.
"I'm a horrible person! What have I done?" Anakin confessed, leaning forward into his open hands, hiding his face in shame. "I'm a monster!" He muttered miserably.
Though Padmé's heart urged her to rush forward to comfort her distraught husband, something held her back. The sight in front of her left her with mixed feelings as her heart stung at seeing her strong, confident husband so beaten. At the same time, she was finally able to recognize the man before her again. The calculating, cold emptiness that filled his eyes was finally gone. A part of her feared that she had saved him too late, that she had already lost her husband. Never wishing harm to her beloved, she couldn't deny the wave of relief that struck her. Padmé let out a painful, weighty sigh. Whatever spell had possessed her poor husband seemed to have lifted and not a second too soon.
Concern and worry lead her to check on him several hours ago, where she found him tossing and turning in the bed, muttering in his sleep. Understanding something was going on greater than what she could see with her eyes, though she wanted to wake him, she decided that he shouldn't be disturbed. So she sat at the nearby table patiently, unsure of what to expect when he finally awakened.
Slowly, she rose from her seat, her knees and ankles swollen and aching from sitting so long, the troubles of pregnancy. Cautiously, she made her way over to her grieving husband and gently hoisted herself up on the bed by his side. Watching him carefully, she bit her lip with uncertainty, wanting to comfort him. Without a word, she reached out tentatively with a loving hand.
In the past, Padmé's touch had always comforted Anakin, her presence soothing his worst moods, but now it served as a reminder of their blaring differences. If she was love, kindness, and forgiveness, he was rage, anger, and fear. Although the gentleness of her soul had tempered him in the past, calmed that inner turmoil, now he's gone too far, in his mind. Now, he feared that he would corrupt her.
The sensation of her hand on his shoulder was painfully searing as he flinched at her touch, ignoring the hurt expression on her face. Anguish written all over his face, he turned to look at her, his deep blue eyes clouded with emotion. "How can you love me?" Anakin questioned as he gazed into her confused beautiful brown eyes. "How can you stand to be near me?" He barely managed out the last part; his voice cracked and quivered so full of sentiment. He felt utterly unworthy, so ashamed of his actions. He had failed her again, unable to hide from the truth of what he did.
Turning away, he was barely aware of the whimpering noise his wife made and felt her move to say something, yet he couldn't face her. It was all too much for him as he threw his hands over his face, leaning forward. He didn't know how much she knew about the Jedi Temple. When he checked in on her afterward, he saw the worry and terror on her face even though, at the time, he was still on a high with the Dark side. However, Padmé was a Senator and former Queen of Naboo, and very little got past her. Her intelligence and sharp wit were some of the many things he absolutely adored about her. But right now, that cunning probably deduced what he personally did at the Jedi Temple.
His covered faced reddened with shame.
How much she knew he wasn't sure and, at the moment, he wasn't obliged to offer any details. He may never be able to. This only deepened his sorrows, not wanting to further taint her with his corruption. Even as she offered him kindness, he felt it would only blemish her integrity. Because of him. Because he was a monster. At this, he wept bitterly into his hands.
Padmé watched her husband fall apart in front of her. The misery of the whole situation mixed with so much regret, the horrid situation they found themselves in by actions and events that left them with no way of going back. This caused her to become angry, not at her husband, but how he was put into this situation. He had suffered so much already. Hadn't the universe had enough torturing him?
It reminded her of that time so long ago on Tatooine when he returned with the broken, battered body of his deceased mother. She couldn't forget how his face was stern and void of any emotions when he lifted her body off the speeder, a tempest of feelings barely contained in the brave facade. Sure enough, she remembered how everything came rushing out in painful, angry, confused misery while he pretended to work on the speeder bike in the Lar's homestead garage. Although unlikely, she wasn't sure if anyone else ever saw this broken side of the 'Hero with no Fear.' Because of the aching raw vulnerability he shared with her and how much she loved him she decided then she would always honor that rawness. Just as she did then, she would do the same now.
She would stay by his side.
And it hurt her to see him pull away from her. It was wrong for him to deal with the burden alone that was too heavy for anyone to bear. Especially since it was partially her fault. Woefully, she was selfish and ignored the rising conflict inside him, consumed with her own burgeoning issues. That was no excuse as she knew him best and ignored all the warning signs, well aware of the possible impending fallout. This was as much her fault as it was his. If she had been there for him sooner, this could have been prevented. So she furrowed her brows together with the same ferocity she held before making one of her passionate speeches before the Senator floor.
It was time to make this right.
"Ani," she stated gently, trying again as she put her hand on his shoulder. "Ani, please. Look at me."
Tentatively, she watched as he slowly clenched his fists, still shielding his face from her. As he took a shaky breath, she waited as he obediently and slowly turned to face her, still unable to look directly at her, his sullen face puffy and swollen.
With a tender hand, she gently cupped his cheek, wiping away the wetness. She heard him sigh deeply as he leaned into her petite hand before placing his weathered hand over hers and turning a loving kiss in her palm. The action caused her to smile despite herself, right before she was finally greeted with his beautiful yet pained blue eyes.
Taking a deep breath, she bravely pulled herself together. If she could face the Senate floor filled with thousands of disagreeable Senators, as she advocated to end the war, then she could admit when she had made an incredibly poor judgment call regarding the one person she cared for the most. "You aren't the only one responsible for what happened," she started, earning a confused look from her husband. This wasn't easy but she couldn't stop now. He needed to understand. "We both made mistakes." She said, biting her lip as she confessed sorrowfully.
At that, her husband frowned and started to protest otherwise, so she brought up her other hand, placing a finger over his full, soft lips to quiet his disagreement. "I'm here for you, Ani." She moved her hand so that both of them cupped his face, drawing her love in the gesture. Slowly she leaned into him, their forehead touching as they both closed their eyes. The contact was intimate and the strength of their bond surged between them as two people became one. Their breath intermingled as their chests heaved in and out simultaneously, the sensation familiar and comforting. She needed to remind him of this, of what they meant to each other and what they survived through three years of marriage. "I wasn't there for you before but I am now. We'll get through this together."
Anakin inhaled sharply at his beloved wife's words. It left him in awe. All those years back in Watto's workshop, when he blurted out how angelic she looked, he didn't understand the depths of the words he spoke to her that day. She truly was the living embodiment of an angel. His guardian angel. Time after time, she would pull him back from that ledge he constantly teetered on. Most of the time, it was just thoughts of her and wanting to return home to her that kept him sane. Now, she sat next to him, stubborn as always, refusing to leave his side. By the Force, he loved this woman; her voice, her touch, her sweet, beautiful face, her incredible loving heart and her sacrificial dedication to others. Everything about her was good and so much more pure than he could ever be. A part of him just wanted to drop down in front of her and worship her for the amazing being she was.
He wasn't worthy.
Self loathing, he was a wretched, foul creature so easily tempted by the Dark side. She would never come close to thinking about the dark thoughts he had, much less commit the crimes he did. He didn't care if she felt herself responsible. It wasn't her fault. She didn't force him to do anything. He did this all on his own.
He expected her to turn away from him in disgust and shield herself from his deeply tainted soul. And yet, she offered him forgiveness and redemption that he hadn't earned, in his eyes. He should be suffering in the depths of whatever afterlife creatures like him deserved. An eternal torment for the suffering he inflicted. She should hate him and yet, he would willingly accept it. Needless to say, he would take any punishment, hatred, disgust from her because that's what he should have earned and yet, even then, he would still love her and still worship the very ground she stood on.
"I don't deserve you…" Anakin confessed woefully.
Exposed and uninhibited, the moment's honest vulnerability caught up to them as tears fell freely from the couple. For the first time in a very long time, their bond felt intimate and powerful. The intensity of the moment so moving; Padmé experiencing the horrible, agonizing pain that Anakin was in while Anakin was overwhelmed by the outpouring of unconditional love from Padmé.
Padmé frowned softy as she felt Anakin's awareness of the pain he projected onto her and attempted to shield her from it. Pulling into himself again. They worked so hard to get to this moment and a growing frustration built in Padmé's chest at Anakin's unwillingness to let her in, pushing her away again. He had a horrible habit of holding his burdens in and suffering through them himself. She was his wife, secret or not, they had made vows to each other. She was not going to let him do this, not this time. How many times did she have to remind him that he didn't have to suffer through this alone?
With unyielding resolve, she did the only thing left she could think of to get through his thick skull. With a slight bow of her head, she crushed her lips against his desperately as she pulled him into a deep passionate kiss. Anakin was startled off guard, initially gasping against her small mouth, but then the part of him that was a man awoke hunger for this. Pulling her flush against him, he wrapped his strong arms around her waist, mindful of the child she was carrying, as he returned the kiss fervently.
The kiss felt so good that she lost herself in it but she wasn't done yet. It took all her willpower as she pulled away breathlessly. "I love you, Ani. I love you so much." Looking deep into his eyes, her lips still tingled from their kiss. Her face pinched in concentration. "And I am your wife! We made a promise to be there for each other. With the Force as my witness, I intend on keeping that promise. Do you hear me?" She declared, her voice unyielding and confident.
As Anakin studied her face, the proud conviction on his wife's face dulled his turmoil. In a way only she could, her words left a deep impression on him and melted his stubbornness. She could reach him when no one else could. Without a doubt, she had seen the worse of him and still completely loved him. She accepted the monster with the man and it was enough for the man to keep the monster at bay.
Anakin couldn't help the knowing smile that crossed his face, "Is that an order, milady?"
Her face beamed brightly at the familiar tease and a tender smile cracked on the serious Senator's face. She licked her lips before replying in a husky tone. "Indeed, it is."
Capturing her eyes with his intense gaze, Anakin's heart swelled with love for this amazing woman. His body reacting to her daring tease, her words further awakening the desire growing in him. A deep growl started in his throat as he leaned forward, drawing her perfect, pink lips in a ravenous kiss. His fingers snaked underneath her thighs as he pulled her into his lap, careful of her swollen belly with their child. The heat growing between them, this kiss was as passionate and intense as the last, but this time, it also carried a primal urgency in it. Drinking each other in, their hot breath mingled as they tasted each other. Padmé interlaced her arms around his neck as her hands went into his hair, driving his senses mad. Anakin ran his hands all over his wife's petite body, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.
Trembling, Padmé pulled away briefly to look into her wonderful husband's beautiful blue eyes. Her voice raspy with desire as she drank in the sight of the man in front of her. Her brave, strong, dedicated warrior of a husband that cared so much for others that it left him so broken and burdened. No one else saw this side of him or knew the depths of his pains like she did. And she took it into her own being as his wife and as his lover. He meant so much to her and she wanted him to understand that. To understand the strength of their love, two people merging into one body and one soul. That they may love together, feel sorrow together, and everything else in between. She whimpered as she brushed her lips against his. "Make love to me, Ani."
"Padmé," Anakin growled in lust, his eyes dilating. Despite his own urging, he hadn't forgotten that Padmé was heavily pregnant with their child. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. I trust you." Padmé breathed, her sweet lips brushing enticingly against his lips.
At the word, trust, Anakin gave in. He couldn't deny the desire he had for her. The comfort he found only when they were together. How the rest of the galaxy drifted away when they were together like this. After everything, she still trusted him and he loved this woman so much. More than his own life. So he intended to show her how much she meant to him.
Her warm breath against his lips was so seductive, furthering his desire for her. Before he realized he was moving, he captured her lips in a heated kiss as Padmé returned it with the same voracity. He gently nudged Padmé down on the bed as he leaned over her, careful not to bear weight on her swollen belly. He hungrily attacked the hollow of her neck as she moaned lustfully. It woke a fire inside him that burned brightly now. He pulled away to gaze down and worship his beautiful wife's form, her belly swollen with their child. "You are so…beautiful." His eyes wandered his wife's curves as he drank in the sight of her with his hungry gaze.
Padmé arched her back in response as he cherished her like she was the only thing that mattered in the galaxy. She drowned herself in Anakin's presence, his hungry kisses that burned against her skin, his deeply masculine scent, and his tantalizing touch that awoke her senses. She felt her own need growing as her husband's fantastic hands roamed her body.
This was right.
They were husband and wife. They were lovers. They were soulmates. An attraction so strong, so magnetic that they would always find each other. Nothing else matters except for this.
Anakin peppered sweet, tender kisses all over her face confessing his devotion to her. "So loving. So forgiving. So intelligent. So pure…" Each word enunciated with a kiss.
Overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of his love for her, she moaned underneath him with her hands clawing desperately at his chest. She felt so unworthy of his profound love and his single minded dedication to her alone. A sudden desire rose in her as she decided to be forward for once. Lifting her head, she rose up to give him a rough, passionate kiss and pulled on his Jedi robes, twisting to straddle on top of him before continuing to ravage his lips. Reflexively, she ground her warm core against his growing hardness as she heard a deep throated moan from her husband. She smiled to herself as she decided how exactly to show him her utter devotion to him.
As cruiser sailed farther, deeper into the edge of the galaxy, the young couple spent the next several hours recommitting themselves to each other.
A/N: I truly believe that on some level, Anakin doubted whether the Sith could save Padmé but he was pushed into a corner by Palpatine's ingenious manipulations so he couldn't find a way out and the people closest to him weren't there to save him before it was too late. It's truly tragic.
I also didn't like Anakin's options: let her die or become a Sith. There was a bigger picture that was missed and since everyone was distracted they completely failed to see the larger ramifications. Save Padmé and save the galaxy. The butterfly effect…but I digress.