Petra's eyes snapped open, and she sat up fast. Her head spun a bit, but something in her felt it was urgent. She needed to be awake, and she needed to be awake now.
Sunlight had long ago flooded the room, and Levi's side of the bed was empty. The door to the hallway was open, and he wasn't in the bathroom. Sighing, Petra ran fingers through her mussed hair. She stretched, loving how sore she was between her thighs.
She'd fucked him all night long, and she'd loved it. Petra rolled off the bed, zipped open her bag and took out a pair of clean panties. She also nabbed one of Levi's tee shirts, hugging herself when she slipped it over her head. It was soft and supple with washing, fragrant with his own clean scent. She wanted a perfume: L'Eau de Levi, or something.
Petra yawned as she shuffled down the hallway, smiled when she heard the sound of frying in the kitchen. Levi stood before the stove, flipping pancakes again. He wore only a pair of boxer briefs, which hugged his ass in spectacular fashion.
"Mmm. Morning." Petra came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She pressed her cheek to his, loved the rasp of his faint, just-coming-in stubble against her flesh. She pressed a kiss beneath his earlobe. "I'm glad you're making breakfast. I got such a workout last night."
"Yeah." He sounded terse as he flipped a pancake. "Guess we both did."
Ugh. Not very romantic out of bed, was he? Then again, Levi was a physical lover. Words seemed to frustrate him. Petra wrinkled her nose, then smacked him on the ass.
"The fuck?" he barked. He jerked, and one of the pancakes went flying to land batter side down on the floor. Petra giggled as Levi scowled at the offending breakfast item. "You better clean this up."
"Yes, Dad." She rolled her eyes and got out a paper towel. As she threw the pancake away, she gave him a devilish grin from beneath her bangs. "Or maybe I should say yes, Daddy."
"Tch. Fuckin' weirdo," he grumbled. Levi turned off the stove and slid a plate of cakes onto the table. "Here. Eat."
"I don't know why I thought you'd be sweeter after all that." Petra plunked down in her chair and sipped the tea Levi gave her. Her good mood had vanished; this man had a great talent for doing that.
"Guess I'm thinking about Erwin," he muttered.
Petra paused, unsure how to continue. If Erwin died, she'd be released. She wasn't pregnant. She'd have an inheritance, and Levi would no longer have a job. But she…hell, she didn't even think she liked him. No, she did not like him. Sleeping with him was one thing, living with him another.
"Can't we get any information on him?" she asked.
"Maybe."
That was all he said, just maybe. They ate in silence, and Petra's happiness curdled. When she'd finished, she picked up the plates and washed them, unsure why she felt so fucking awful.
"I want to go on another hike."
"Okay. Get cleaned up and we'll go."
Petra narrowed her eyes. "Alone."
"Yeah, and I want a lifetime supply of tea to drop outta the sky and into my lap, but we all gotta make do with what's realistic."
They hiked back to the waterfall, and this time Petra had brought along a couple of towels. She spread one out upon the soft ground near the water, lay down upon it, and gazed up at the trees and the sky overhead. Her spirits lifted a bit; even when Levi was impossible, she still had the mountains to make her feel better.
"You like bein' outdoors?" Levi sat beside her on his own towel.
"Yeah. I wouldn't want to live this isolated all the time, but it makes me feel so peaceful here." She yawned and stretched. "What about you?"
"I was born a city kid." He paused. "But I like the country, I guess. Makes me feel quiet. I don't like all the noise of cities."
"I like smaller cities, I guess. Part of me's always wanted to go to New York, but it's so big there that the idea of it makes me feel uneasy."
"Too right," he said. "Pigeons shit everywhere. Drunks piss in the street. People murder each other in back alleys. That doesn't happen in the middle of the woods."
"I mean, a hunter could mistake me for a deer." Petra giggled to see how he frowned. "You're making the city sound so ugly and mean! There's parks and museums, too. And outdoor restaurants, and theatres."
"Most of that shit costs money. Cities ain't nice to people who don't have money. But forests?" He looked to the sky and shrugged. "The trees don't care how loaded you are."
"That's a very poetic thought." Petra got to her knees and faced him. In the shade of trees and the glimmer of sunlight, he looked like a work of art.
"Tch. I'm a poetic guy."
Petra giggled and kissed him. She felt Levi resist for a moment, then gradually relax into the kiss. Soon, she'd straddled him on his towel, and kissed him as the throbbing length of him rested against her thigh.
"I really don't know why I like you so much," she murmured against his lips.
"Same."
"No?" She bit down on his earlobe and relished how he gasped. "You have no idea why you like me?"
"Well. You're pretty hot," he growled as Peta slid his hand up her waist beneath her shirt. She grinned when he cupped her bare breast. "No one ever told you to put on a bra?"
"Bras take work." She tugged at his jeans, undid the zipper while he started pinching her nipple, rolling it between his thumb and finger. When she yanked him free, he was hard. Petra settled on his lap and took him inside her with one smooth, fluid motion. They kissed, tongues melding as she rode him slow and he took her other breast in his hand. "Like this?"
"Oh yeah," he whispered. He kissed her neck as she fucked him. "If I didn't, today'd be a lot different."
She didn't know what that meant, probably something inane men said when they were in the middle of sex. People were almost clinically insane when they were aroused. She was pretty sure of it.
They fucked until they were sweating, until they were breathing hard. When Levi stiffened, his end near, he tried to shove her off but Petra was too close to her own climax and sat down hard on him, screaming her pleasure as the orgasm exploded throughout her body.
"Shit," Levi gasped, and she felt him come. He moaned in her ear, and they held each other a while. She liked it when he came inside of her. It was his most vulnerable moment, and she got to see him so close as he spent his pleasure. She held him, kissed him.
"Levi. How are we going to check on Erwin?"
"Gimme a minute. Gotta catch my breath." He rolled her off him and lay down, staring up at the trees. Petra wished she could cuddle against him, but that seemed unlike him. Unlike their relationship, whatever it was. "I'll show you. Later," he said at last.
"Okay. What do we do first?" She wrinkled her nose in wicked suggestion.
They got cleaned up in the shower, where they had sex again. Levi became extra animated when they were bathing, she noticed.
"You like to get clean when you get dirty?" she purred in his ear.
"I like how you look when you're wet." He smiled at his own suggestion, ran a soapy washcloth over her body. "You look like some kind of painting. Real work of art."
"How romantic." She stroked his erection with her hand. "This is a pretty amazing piece of sculpture, you know."
They had sex in his bed when they were dry—Levi refused to ruin the comforter or sheets with excess water. When the sun began to lower on the horizon, Levi kissed her bare shoulder.
"Wanna see something?" he whispered.
Petra was shocked when he opened the broom closet and shoved a cheap rug aside. There was a small wooden door in the floor. Levi yanked it open and waved her forward.
"It's a basement. Kind of a panic room, but there's a surprise."
Petra was a bit cautious as she followed him down, but relaxed when she saw a washer and dryer. Pretty ordinary. There were also a few racks laden with cleaning supplies, unsurprisingly, as well as a rack laden with bottles of wine.
"Oh!" She gasped when Levi plucked a bottle of red and opened a wooden cabinet over the sink next to the laundry unit. He got down a couple of glasses and rinsed them as Petra checked the label. Her jaw dropped; it was a very nice, very expensive Burgundy. She'd learned enough about wine from Erwin to know. "I didn't think you were a big wine guy."
"If I gotta drink booze, I like wine. At least it's got a nice taste." He motioned her towards a pair of folding wooden doors. "But here's the big thing."
He opened the doors, revealing a small, enclosed area. It had a wooden fence blocking it off from the immediate forest, and an outdoor umbrella.
Beneath the umbrella was a pair of sun chairs, and next to the chairs a standing Jacuzzi. Petra gasped; the water in it was fresh and steaming.
"I fixed it up last night while you were asleep. Figured we could use it." He watched he with greedy intensity as he uncorked the wine. "What do you think?"
"Does this answer your question?"
Petra pulled the shirt over her head and stepped out of her panties. Levi watching, she climbed into the Jacuzzi and moaned in erotic delight as the hot water lapped against her sensitive skin. She relaxed against the side of the tub as Levi pressed a button and the jets turned on. Petra giggled as he stripped and got in alongside her. He handed her a glass of wine. Petra clinked with him and sipped.
"Mr. Ackerman. I'm shocked."
"About what?"
"You're more romantic than I thought you were."
She kissed him, tasted the wine. For a while, they drank and kissed as the sun went down. Levi seemed more relaxed than ever before as he finished off his good wine and put their glasses away, as he tugged her to float onto his lap and nibble at her neck.
"I think I'm happy," Petra breathed as he kissed her. "I know I am."
"Sounds like it's a special thing."
"I've been unhappy since the day Erwin took me away."
He winced at that. "You must hate him."
It didn't feel wise to talk about this too much. Petra just kissed Levi.
"I like you," she said honestly. She swirled her hips, loving how his erection stroked the seam of her cunt. Loving how his breathing weakened when she slid down around him. "Even when I hate you, you get me so hot."
"What's it about me, huh?"
The water sloshed against their bodies as she fucked him. Petra bobbed up and down on his dick, arms around his neck. She kissed the wine on his lips, smiled to feel his hands fondle her ass. He squeezed, which quickened her pleasure. She moaned as she came, then felt him seize up as he spent inside of her again.
"You're so beautiful," Petra whispered into his ear. "You're the most beautiful man I've ever seen."
"You're crazy."
"It's true."
"You're married to a fucking god and you think I'm beautiful?" Levi scowled. "You got no taste."
"And you've got a bad opinion of yourself."
"It's an honest opinion." Levi glared at her. "You like me 'cause I get you off and keep you safe. That's it."
"You've got a bad opinion of me, too. And it's wrong," Petra snapped. She floated off of him and sat on the opposite edge of the tub. The water bubbled between them, until the jets suddenly stopped.
"Better turn those back on," Levi grumbled. His normally pale cheeks were flushed from the heat.
"I can do it."
"No, I know where the controls are." He got out of the water. His naked form when wet was an erotic masterpiece on its own. Petra swam back and got the bottle of wine, pouring the last into her glass. She took a sip, listened to Levi pad across the garage.
"Shit," she hissed as she dropped the bottle. It came apart in splinters of glass. "Ugh, watch where you step on the way back."
"Clumsy brat."
While Levi busied himself, Petra took up the wine bottle by its neck. The broken edges made a jagged weapon. Perfect. She turned around and swiftly climbed out of the tub, ready to attack and slash—
"Don't even think about it," Levi said.
He was pointing a gun at her. Petra stood with the broken bottle held over her head, tears studding her eyes. So close. She'd been so fucking close!
"Erwin will kill you," she snapped.
"No. He won't." Levi gestured with the gun. "Put it down or I shoot right the fuck now."
"I don't know how I knew." Her teeth chattered, not from the cold. The fear overwhelmed her. She'd seen what he did to the enemy, and that's what she'd become. "Ever since the tampons, I knew that couldn't be the end of it."
"Yeah. You fucked up there. Big time." He raised a brow. "Last chance. Three, two—"
Petra dropped the bottle, shattering it further on the ground.
She realized how perfectly he'd played this. The only way out was past him and up the ladder; she'd never make it. She could try climbing over the fence, but it was as tall as she was. It'd take time she did not have. And she had no weapon of her own now.
I'm going to die.
Petra wanted to wail, call for her mother and father, but that was baby shit. She clamped her lips and glared hateful daggers at the man she'd fucked like an idiot.
She'd felt weird all day, but it wasn't until they'd gotten in the Jacuzzi that she knew she was in danger. Call it intuition.
"What are you going to do to me?" she wheezed.
"Depends on how satisfied I am with your answers." He jerked his chin. "Get back in the tub."
"Let me guess. When you shoot me, you can just wash the blood down the drain when you empty the pool? Less of a clean up?"
She felt jagged laughter inching up her throat, lacerating her.
"Something like that."
She could get on her knees and beg, but he was pitiless. She could try to be a good girl and play by his rules, but that would be stupid. He was going to kill her tonight. So Petra decided that before she died, he was going to hear the truth about himself.
"You're pathetic." The tears streaked down her cheeks, trembled on her chin. "You're a damaged, pathetic loser who lets his boss rape women and then murders them when they dare to fight back."
"Shut up," he hissed. She saw the corners of his eyes tighten. Fuck him, he could shut her up by killing her. Not any other way.
"You're a brainless thug. You're a moody, boring little sociopath." Petra felt the fire of righteousness flooding her soul now, and began to smile even as she wept. "Your only personality is violence and fucking cleaning. The world would be better off if you'd never been born. I bet your mother regretted the day she squeezed you out."
"Shut up, you bitch!" But Levi was trembling now. Fuck it, he was literally trembling. Yet he did not shoot her.
"At least Erwin built something. He may be evil and twisted, but at least he's also brilliant. The only reason you have anything nice is because he gave it to you. This house. Me." She sneered. "You're just his little lap dog, aren't you? I'll bet he only fucks you because he pities you. I'm sure you don't please him, not really."
"Shut the fuck up!"
Was he…was he on the verge of crying? Any second now he'd shoot her, but Petra didn't care. This was the end anyway.
"You've never pleased anyone in your life. What do you do when he wants a piece of you, anyway?" She was shouting now, even though no one else could hear. It was only the two of them. "Do you just get on your stomach, put your ass in the air, and tell him 'Yes, sir, whatever you say'? Huh?"
She expected to die then. But she didn't.
Levi dropped the gun. It spun across the concrete floor.
And then, to Petra's shock, the man collapsed onto his side and lay there like he was dead.
Yes, sir. Whatever you say.
Yes, sir.
Lie still, you little shit.
What had it been in the tone of her voice? The cadence? The fury? Whatever it was, it was like she'd kicked open a locked door. The monsters of the past flooded outwards, overwhelming Levi. They pulled him to the ground, tore at his clothes.
He was nine years old again, lying naked on a bed with a gag in his mouth and his poor, bare ass exposed for anyone and everyone.
You say yes, sir. Say yes, sir, and I won't fucking kill you. Piece of shit.
All the pain, all the rage, all the torment of ages seven to seventeen choked him again. All the hatred for them, hatred for himself for letting them touch him. For letting them take Isabel away.
Levi could not move. He could barely breathe. He forgot how to speak. He lay there and groaned, locked inside the prison of his body and mind.
"Levi?"
Petra stepped over to him. He stared at her painted toenails, her dainty little bare feet. She nabbed the gun fast, and he shut his eyes because he knew where this was going. No more than he deserved.
"Just…" He sounded drunk, though he wasn't. Fuck, he could feel the tears now, couldn't stop them. "Do it. Fast. Do it!" he wailed.
His stomach cramped, and to his horror it all came up, all the food he'd eaten today and the wine. He spewed it all up, splashing it onto the floor.
He must have died then, because it all got dark.
Except that after he'd been dead for a while, he woke up. He was still lying on the floor, though it was dark outside now. Petra was not in front of him anymore. But the light was on behind him.
"Hey," Petra said.
Levi still felt like he was made of granite. His head pounded as he hoisted himself onto his elbows. He was still nude; fuck, he was freezing. In comparison, Petra had dressed herself and sat upon the ladder, a gun trained on him. Levi shook so hard his teeth chattered.
"You gonna…kill me?" He cleared his throat. "Or what?"
"You must be cold." Her eyes looked lifeless, but not merciless. "I tossed some clothes over by you."
Fuck, she really had. Levi tried to put the shirt on, but his hands wouldn't work. He slumped over, utterly broken.
All he could remember now was the years in the darkness, the endless pain and humiliation. He'd kept it locked away for so long, and she'd found just the right things to say to unlock his worst nightmares.
Petra tossed something else. A blanket. Easier to deal with. Levi fumbled it around his shoulders as she watched him.
"Now. Tell me what happened," she said.
"Nothing happened," he growled.
"If that's true, I don't mind killing you and taking the car." Her amber eyes were hard, yet her voice held tenderness. "But I'd like to understand you."
"Wh-Why?"
She bit her lip. "You could have killed me many times over, but you didn't. I want to know why, too."
Levi felt a little better with the fleecy blanket warming his skin. His legs shook.
"You reminded me of how I grew up," he muttered. Petra took a sharp, swift breath, held it.
"And?"
"And that's it."
Not remotely it; not close to the end.
"How did you grow up?" Petra spoke low. Levi wanted to tell her to fuck off; to shoot him; he wanted to tell her that she'd never find the car keys, ha ha, suck it, bitch.
Instead, his jaw locked up and he found his body would not stop shaking. It was like a stabbing pain beneath his breastbone, like he couldn't cram enough air into his lungs. Fuck, he'd never been so cold. He felt like ice inside and out, and fell onto the floor and shivered there. He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to die.
"Levi?" Petra's shoes approached him; he couldn't sit up.
"Just. Finish it." He hissed the words, shut his eyes.
"Shit. I don't know if this is real or if you're trying something."
He didn't care. Let her kill him; it would be better than this pain anyway. Even when he ended up in Hell, it'd be better than this. Hell was supposed to be hot, not like this world. Not like him right now. A man of ice. A man without a beating heart.
From the murky depths of his subconscious Levi heard the men yelling at him again, felt the men's hands as they grabbed at him. He felt the sting of needles in his arm, the pounding headaches of waking up from seventeen to twenty-five hungover in some new person's bed. Turning tricks once he'd managed to escape his captivity, drugs and alcohol, whatever it took to feed himself and obliterate the pain.
Until Erwin.
I betrayed you, Erwin. You saved my life and I betrayed you.
"Levi?" she whispered.
Mercifully, he blacked out once again. He hoped that this time, he wouldn't wake up.
Petra knew in her soul that this wasn't an act. He never would've dropped the gun on her in the first place if it'd been an act. He wasn't as sneaky as all that. He wasn't that daring.
His flesh felt like ice, and it was clear he'd passed out again.
Screw it. Screw him. Whatever this is, he deserves it for what he did to me.
Even though Petra had a gut-wrenching feeling she knew the contours of Levi's past now, and how horrible it must have been, she needed to save herself. She didn't shoot him; let this be her one gift to him.
She went up the ladder and moved through the house. She pulled open drawers; she looked in closets; she checked cabinets and under sinks, she pulled out the pockets of his jackets and pants.
Nothing. No keys.
It was several miles to the highway, and from there even further to a fucking petrol station. Petra had torn the house apart, and had nothing to show for it.
Where did that fucker hide his keys?
"Fucker," she hissed, kneeling on the living room floor and peeking under the couch. She froze, though, when she heard a banging sound coming from the hall closet.
Levi. He must have crawled up the ladder, shit. She should've been gone by now.
Petra kept the gun in front of her as she paced down the hall, but Levi wasn't armed. He was still naked, his face pale and tip of his nose blue from the cold. He staggered like he was drunk, slumped against the wall and slid down to sit bare-assed on the floor.
That's how Petra knew it wasn't an act; Levi would rather have died than put his ass cheeks on the floor if he were healthy. The circles under his eyes had blackened and deepened. He huffed, put a hand to his chest.
"Think I'm having…a fucking heart attack," he croaked.
"What's it feel like?" Petra felt ridiculous, talking to a naked man this casually while looking down the barrel of a gun.
"Pain under the ribs." He swallowed. "Cold. Feel nauseous."
"Oh, I know what it is." Petra gave a bitter smile. "It's a panic attack. I know plenty about them, thanks to you and your boss."
Levi shut his eyes and slumped over on his side.
"Where are the keys?" she muttered.
"Shoot me."
"Where are they?" she barked.
"If I give 'em to you, my life's not worth shit," he croaked. "So do us both a favor."
Petra felt weirdly emotional watching him this broken. He always felt like the strong one, and now he was a pile of nothingness. Pain. Even though he'd helped to abuse her, she felt unprotected now that he was like this.
What should she do? Shoot him? Walk out of here and brave the long mountain road in the darkness on foot? Tie him up and wait for daylight and then walk out?
Before Petra could ask Levi what he'd prefer, he passed out again.
He deserves this. Whatever's happening to him.
Whatever memory was so horrid that it gave him panic attacks and wrecked him, leaving him a shell of a person, it was what he deserved. She ought to kill him. Go.
But…
But if Petra was right…if he'd endured what she thought he might have endured…
She didn't think she had the heart to kill him. At least, not right now. Maybe later.
Besides, she didn't know where the keys were…
"Fuck it." She slipped the gun into the band of her pants, nabbed Levi under his arms, and dragged his naked ass down the hall towards the bedroom. Small though he was, he was heavy with muscle. Petra grumbled with the workout. "I must be the dumbest bitch who ever lived," she muttered.
He was a lot warmer when he woke up. There was a pillow under his head, a comforter pulled over his naked body. Levi was a lot less mobile, too; the kid had tied his wrists together. His feet, too. Must've found the rope he kept in the weapons cabinet in the basement. He had quite a selection of tools down there. Ah well. At least he was a comfortable prisoner.
"I tied you up in case you got any ideas," Petra said. She stood at the foot of the bed, gun in her hand. It wasn't pointed at him, though. She studied him with narrowed eyes. "Now. You're comfortable, right?"
"Yep," he croaked.
"And you're going to have a hard time attacking me. So." She went and put her back to the wall, stood next to the bathroom door. "Talk to me."
"About what?"
"I'm giving you a chance. I could easily have shot you and left by now. Even without the car, I could be free."
"Maybe," he rasped. He'd meant it earlier; if he gave her the keys, Erwin would have his fucking hide. "Though without wheels, it'd be difficult."
"I'd take my chances." She lifted a brow. "Why did you collapse in the basement?" she asked.
He felt less raw now, more drained, but the tremors in his body could still come back. He felt them returning, in fact. He shut his eyes, willed something good to come out of the darkness.
His mother's face. How much had he told Petra?
"My mother was a prostitute," he said at last, eyes still closed. He saw her, those eyes like his, the smile that he'd never inherited. "She was a good mom. Tried her best for me." He swallowed, saw Kuchel lying on her side in the bed. Vomit crusted at the corners of her mouth; her eyes blank and glazed in death. "Wasn't her fault she started shooting up; the clients made her. They'd fuck in the bed, and I'd be in the closet. They got high while I sat in there, made sure not to make a sound. Then one day I wake up and Kuchel, my mom, she's dead. Overdose. That's when it got real bad."
"Oh my God." Petra spoke soft. He heard her coming nearer to him. "This is true, isn't it?"
"Would I make something this fucked up, er, up?" he snapped. Levi heard her breathing next to him. He tried the ropes at his wrists, but she was good with knots. Probably a girl scout or something when she was a kid. Wholesome. Outdoorsy.
"What happened after she died?"
Levi opened his eyes, looked up at Petra. She watched him with visible concern; he'd never told this to anyone except Erwin.
She's the reason Erwin may die. I hate her. God, I want her so bad.
Why not? He was all fucked in the head, anyway.
"After they found me with the corpse," Levi said slowly, "they sold me."
It was like rushing down a dark tunnel, headed towards a world of awful light. The faster he went, the brighter it got. The less able he was to look away, to look anywhere else.
He did not remember what parts he said out loud and what parts he could not speak. They came in flashes, the memories, like the bright bulbs of paparazzi flashing around some celebrity crime scene. The lurid faces, the sickly colors, the blood and money, the beatings and bruises. They came and went in blurs, scenes from a fever dream. Zip tied wrists in the back of a trafficker's van; weeks spent shut up in a dark bedroom, waiting for the next knock on the door. Dying inside when it came.
He'd seen the world, yet he'd never left his room. Bangkok, Moscow, even somewhere in the good ol' US of A, he'd been hauled around and made to endure what demons in Hell should never have to experience. His childhood in the whorehouse hadn't been great, but it'd been a childhood. Levi had more than grown up at age seven; he'd been made into something other than human. After all, you don't chain up human beings and make them perform the most degrading shit against their will. You don't do that to children, not unless you've beaten the soul out of them.
Levi just remembered all the 'normal' people he'd met in his journeys. The men with the sports coats and spectacles, the guys who have a beer at the corner bar and then go home to tuck their kids into bed. Men would have a ten-year-old boy perform the most twisted sexual acts and then go home to their own ten-year-old sons, talk baseball with them, study for the math test.
Did it ever get to them, Levi wondered? Or were they that able to compartmentalize? Were they that able to say that their son, he was the actual human? That foreign boy with the sickly pallor in the back of that motel, he was something else. After all, a kid who didn't look like you, who didn't speak your language, he wasn't really a person. You couldn't contextualize him in the rest of your normal, everyday life. He was something outside of time and the world.
Levi wished he could go around killing every last one of those men who'd come into his room. He actually had some grudging respect for the monsters who'd scowled and hit him and told him what to do. Those guys were honest; they knew what they were. The guys with the weasel smiles, the guys trying to convince Levi that they were the 'good' ones, that he was happy they were there, they made him want to throw up all over himself. Bastards. Cunts.
And the kaleidoscope of shit his life had been rotated around, and he let fragments of it spill out and Petra listened to it all. She said nothing.
"When I was seventeen, they took one of my friends away," he croaked. Isabel with the fiery hair, the fearless smile. She'd fought back, hurt one of the jerks trying to fuck her, and then she was gone. He'd never seen her again. He couldn't imagine what had been done to her. "And I knew I wasn't gonna last much longer. So I ran. Somehow."
He'd been property of the Circle, part of the Russian mafia. Dmitri and his brother, Grigori, a real pair of shits, had run it. Grigori was the one Levi'd gotten to know. He was the one who'd sampled Levi for himself; beaten him; cut him on the back over and over.
When Levi had finally escaped, he'd been alone on the streets of Moscow. Barely spoke the language. Expected to be dead in days, maybe weeks. But after a lifetime of torture, he refused to die without seeing some of the outside world.
And so for a while he'd turned tricks, all he knew how to do. Men, women, made no difference, he'd do anything for food and shelter. He felt no desire for any of them; until Erwin, Levi hadn't believed he could feel sexual desire, period. Sex wasn't his only vice in those days. He also got hooked on different ways to make himself feel good. Drugs and booze. By the time he was twenty-one, he was a skinny little junked-up nobody.
Then he fell in with the right kind of wrong crowd. The kind of people that taught you to fight and crush skulls, not sell yourself and keep your eyes down. Turned out that Levi had a good body, when it was healthy, and a volcanic rage. He learned how to protect himself. Found a small slice of life to call his own. Nothing good, but it was better than what he'd had.
Then came the day he'd seen Grigori, that fuck, sitting in a café sipping a drink. And across from him, a fourteen year old boy. It did not require much imagination to figure what was going on there. Levi wondered where in the world the kid came from. How long he'd been shackled to this sadist; how much longer until he either died or freed himself.
Levi didn't make the conscious decision to walk in there, unnoticed by Grigori's circle of thugs. He was unrecognizable by then, a built, scowling midget instead of the emaciated child he'd been. He didn't make the conscious decision to save the kid and take his revenge in the same moment.
He only knew that he was quick. Hungry. Desperate for blood.
Levi remembered every thrust of his knife as it sank into that bastard's throat and chest. To this day, he wasn't sure why the surrounding men didn't kill him immediately. Maybe they had plans to let Dmitri, the brother, take slow vengeance on Levi.
And then…Erwin.
And then freedom. And then something like love and self-respect, the first taste he'd had since Kuchel died.
And then violence, and blood.
And then Petra. And Petra, and Petra again.
And then he was finished.
Levi lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling as though he'd just been bathed. His stomach didn't cramp now, though his lips and hands felt numb. He could feel every beat of his heart in his chest.
"Levi," she whispered.
Petra sat beside him on the ground, looking on his face with the most gentle, tear-filled gaze he'd ever known. The gun was gone.
Petra cradled his face in her hands and gave him a sweet, chaste kiss on his forehead.
That was it; he broke.
Levi had fainted, he had thrown up, but he had not cried until now. Big, wet sobs wracked his body, squeezed out of his throat. He shivered, didn't have the strength to get up. Only lay there as she untied his ankles and wrists, as she got onto the bed and lay on top of the covers and held him.
She clung to him as Levi kept crying, unable to make himself stop. He had stopped crying so young as a child in that hell, and now he could not stop the tears as a grown ass man in his thirties. He wailed and sobbed, let the big, fat drops squeeze out his eyes, roll down his cheeks.
She held him through all of it. She said nothing. She only held him, buried her face against his neck, let him know she was there.
He could have easily killed her, and she knew it. But Petra made no move to protect herself. And he made no move against her.
When he woke up, she was setting a tray on the bed beside him. Toast, and tea, and a bowl of soup. The kind of meal you made a sick kid on a day home from school, something Levi had never experienced. It touched his heart as she offered him the teacup.
"You didn't have to," he croaked.
"You must be hungry." She took her own tea. They sat on the bed, him naked still and under the covers. Petra sat cross-legged and looked thoughtful. "I think I understand now. About Erwin," she said.
Erwin. Still a pain in his chest, the thorn of his own weakness digging into his flesh. Levi winced, looked away.
"I love him. I do," he growled. Then he shut his eyes, saw Petra's tearful face on her wedding day. She'd begged him to help her; she didn't want it.
And he'd forced her back into that room.
I'm no better than the fuckers who abused me.
"This isn't your fault." She knew him, knew what was on his mind. Petra touched his arm, a gentle, forgiving touch. "You're not the same as them."
"I shoulda helped you." He swallowed the sick lump in his throat. "After what I been through, I shoulda stepped up. You got every right to hate me."
"I don't hate you." She smiled, almost sad. "I like you. I don't just mean, you know. In bed."
"You shouldn't like me. There's nothing to like."
She shook her head. After everything he'd done to her, she had this much compassion for him? This much mercy?
Levi was a fucking slug. He put down his tea and lay his head on the pillow. Petra's slim, delicate fingers passed through his hair, and he sighed and shut his eyes and luxuriated in her touch.
"I thought you were just some thug. But after what you've been through?" She tsked. "The fact you're as decent as you are is a miracle."
"Nothing I've done is decent. I brought you here to kill you and paused to fuck you first. There's nothing good in me."
"Tell me the truth. That boy in the café with Grigori. If he hadn't been there, would you have killed that man anyway? Even knowing you'd probably die?"
The obvious answer was yes, but Levi couldn't acknowledge it. Because…because he knew it had been about more than vengeance that day. The spectacle of him slicing Grigori, it'd distracted the guards. Given that boy time to run.
And the kid had run, hadn't he? Out the door, out into the world. Levi didn't know what'd become of him, but he'd given him a chance. The chance no one had ever given Levi.
He would have killed Grigori for vengeance anyway, but he would not have done it in such an overt and stupid manner if it hadn't been for the kid.
He'd tried in his own way to save the boy.
"I'm as bad as they were," he muttered. "To you. I let him…Erwin…I let him…"
"You know why it was wrong," she said. So gentle. So forgiving. So unlike anyone he'd known since he was seven years old. "I think you're sorry."
"More than sorry. I wish I could go back. I'd have let you outta that hotel room." The tears came back, salt on his skin. She kissed his forehead and he buried his face in the pillow, a cowardly shithead.
"I believe you." Petra sighed, looked away a moment. Then, "Marie took me to meet Giulia Tybur in that spa in Rome. It was the day we all had lunch in town. She threatened to tell Erwin about us if I didn't see Giulia. I didn't know I was going to see Giulia specifically until it happened, but. Well. There you go."
Levi didn't know what he'd expected, but this level of fucking insanity surpassed it.
"You telling me that Nile's been moving against Erwin?" he croaked.
Petra shook her head. "I don't know if he's involved, but I don't think he is. I think this is Marie's thing, and hers alone."
Since Petra had told him about Marie's threats, Levi had been suspicious of the woman. He'd honestly underestimated her, underestimated what a fucking danger she could be. He knew that Pixis would be more than capable of handling things down south; maybe the older man had everything already under control. Maybe he'd already smoked Marie. For the first time, Levi was eager to learn what the fuck was happening at the safe house. He had been afraid to find out if Erwin was alive or dead; the thought of Erwin gone was still too fraught and weird for him to get a grip on it. But now he had a rather intriguing piece of information that needed to find its way to Pixis at once.
"What was the plan?" he asked.
"I was supposed to get us sitting off on the side of the road; that's when I pretended to be sick." She spoke softly, almost dreamily. "I texted Marie to let her know, and she gave the coordinates to the assassins. They drove past us to clock where everybody was."
"Yeah." Levi recalled the woman in the sundress who'd asked for directions. So she'd been casing them. Made sense.
"Then they turned around and came back. The plan was to drive by and kill you and Erwin. Then I'd hop in the car with them and we'd drive off."
"But you told us we needed to go." Levi was putting it all together.
"It was because of you." Petra shut her eyes, leaned against the wall. She was wrapped up in the memory. "I know that now. I didn't want them to kill you; I couldn't admit that to myself until right now."
She'd been offered an opportunity to get out of all this, to kill the men who'd stolen her life and her happiness, and she'd thrown it away. She'd gotten them back in the car, probably screamed about turning around and finding a hospital in an effort to take them on a new path. Stop them from being targets.
She'd done it for Levi. He knew she wouldn't have ruined her one chance at an escape for Erwin. She was telling the truth.
She saved my life. And I was going to kill her.
And here he'd thought he couldn't hate himself more. Fuck.
"Marie and Giulia Tybur won't be happy knowing you talked about that," Levi said. He could not say anything else; couldn't touch too long on the realization that she'd spared his life.
"Well." Petra shrugged. "If you were planning to kill me anyway, what's the difference?"
"I'm not going to kill you." His answer was immediate. Surprising.
"I know." She stroked his hair. "I won't kill you, either. We've both been done dirty enough by life, I think."
'Done dirty' out of her mouth was strangely hilarious. Levi cried and laughed rarely; he was doing a lot of both with her these days. He didn't hate it. She giggled along with him, then had him finish his dinner. So damn nurturing. Petra cleared the plates and came back, lay down on the bed next to him. There was nothing sexual in her touch or her gaze. She petted his hair, spoke soothingly.
"What are you going to do now?" she asked.
"I've been thinking about that." He had not stopped thinking since she brought him the meal. Since she told him about Marie and Giulia. Since she confessed that she had ruined her one chance at freedom to spare his own worthless life. "Here's the thing. I gotta let Erwin and the others know about Marie."
"I know." She lowered her gaze.
"Then you know they're gonna have to find out about you."
"Yes."
She didn't try to run or grab a weapon or anything. Levi reached over and touched her face.
"In the hall closet, next to the fire alarm, there's a panel. I put the keys in there."
"Huh?" She blinked, those enormous amber eyes of hers so guileless.
"Take the keys. Take all the money outta my wallet. Then drive out of here."
"What about you?" She looked stunned.
"I'll figure out how to spin it. I'll figure it all out." Erwin would flay him alive for letting her go, but Levi would find a way to avoid that fate. At least, he would try. "Point is, I want you safe. I'll give you twenty-four hours before I try to get in contact with anyone. Use that time to get far away from here. Ditch the car, get a new one, just run. Run as far away from us as you can."
"Levi…" Her lips parted. "What will Erwin do to you?"
"Let me worry about that." He looked on her soft, angelic face. He thought of how she'd tasted, how she'd fit so well in his arms. Her innocence had been destroyed, and he'd helped destroy it. He had to fix it; he had to fix something. "I'll be okay. I made it this far. You're not gonna be the one to trash me, don't worry."
Lies. Levi did not think he'd be able to get out of all this with his skin intact, but he could try. Point was, she needed her freedom. She deserved a chance. The chance he never had.
A tear rolled down her cheek, and then she kissed him gently on the mouth.
She got off the bed, and he heard her banging around. Ten minutes later, she looked in on him, car keys in hand.
"I…" She paused, flailed for words.
"It's okay. You'll be safe now."
He stared at her, watched her walk away. Heard her close the door. He saw the car headlights flash along the hallway, then heard the crunch of tires over earth. Then the motor's song faded into the distance, and she was out of his life.
Levi was alone in the house. Alone in the woods yet again.
He'd signed his own death warrant, but so what? If Erwin was still alive, Levi would give him the necessary information to keep him safe. Petra would be free. Levi and Levi alone would die.
He'd done nothing worthwhile with his life. Let this be the first and last thing he did right.
Petra…
Her absence was already a knife grinding its way through his bone and nerve. Levi rolled onto his side and let darkness wrap its arms around him.
He woke up to sunlight and someone else's breathing.
She was asleep on the bed next to him. Petra's glorious hair was spilled out on the pillow. Her peach-and-cream lips were parted, her breathing light. Those gold and amber eyelashes hugged her cheeks.
"Petra?"
Her eyes fluttered open. She lay there and gazed at him with a quizzical expression. Almost fearful.
"Why the fuck are you here?" he whispered.
"I can't let you get hurt for me," she said.
"Bullshit. I deserve it; you don't. You stay here and I tell Erwin and Pixis, what do you think's gonna happen to you?"
"I…" Her chin wrinkled and she fought the tears. She lost. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you."
"Why the fuck not?"
She shut her eyes.
"Because I'm an idiot."
"Agreed."
"No. I'm an idiot because I think I love you."
The world froze around him; time was an infinite resource. There was no noise except her breath, her voice.
What was this, a manipulation? Except that she'd already won when he let her go.
"You could've run away," he said.
"But I don't want to leave you."
"You could've killed me while I slept."
"But I don't want to lose you."
Fuck, what was happening to him? Why was his whole being on fire?
"If you don't leave and you don't kill me, you're fucked."
"I can't leave you. I'm too worried about you." She sniffled, touched his face. "I don't want you to be alone."
Since he was seven years old, he'd been alone. Erwin had been a ballast in his life, but he was some kind of inescapable body in the void of space. Levi could revolve around him, orbit in close, but never collide.
This was collision. This was natural as gravity.
This was explosive.
He was kissing her then. He was undressing her. The horrors of last night had burned away in the daylight, and this was something new. This wasn't sex, it was making love. He sheathed himself in her soft, sweet body and moved inside of her. In the morning light, her arms wrapped around his body, her cunt clenched around his cock, Levi felt like he'd been slotted into place. He'd been a cog or something out of sync with the rest of the machine, but now he'd been set right.
"Levi." She breathed his name, keened it when he rocked deep inside of her and made her come again and then again. Her cheeks flushed. Her breasts were pressed against him. He rode her deep and well, and then he came inside of her.
Levi yelled out her name, moaning it over and over as he finished inside of her body. Her kisses transformed him, her tongue and teeth marked and nipped every inch of his face and neck.
Then he was lying on top of her, both hearts pounding.
"Fuck. I love you," he gasped.
Like he loved Erwin, except not. Erwin was the bond forged out of iron. Erwin had broken his chains.
Petra's love melted chains, it was the bond kissed by fire.
Petra made him forget that chains existed.
And he knew that it was love when after a while she caressed him and suggested they take a shower.
And when they were clean, she made him more tea. He told her where to find a deck of playing cards, and they went a few rounds of an easy game from childhood. The talk was simple as it had never been before in his life. She touched him, and he touched her, and sometimes talk fell away to kissing. Sometimes kissing gave way to breathless love making. And always, it came back to them holding each other and watching the sun make its passage along the ceiling.
When night fell, she was still in his arms and all the ghosts were gone.
Petra should have run, and she knew it. But she'd meant it all. Her love was real, and she believed that his was, too.
Fuck.
Fuck, because he still loved Erwin and now it was more than fear that ate her alive. It was jealousy. She ought to leave, but she couldn't. She shouldn't stay, but it was too late for that.
She'd told Erwin that she loved him, but that had always been a lie. Petra had learned that saying those words to a man and meaning them was such a different experience. Every time she'd told Erwin she loved him, it was like taking out a piece of her soul. When she spoke those words to Levi, it was like adding layers of soul upon soul.
He was still sour, still small, still angry and crude. But now that she saw the whole picture of him, Petra realized how much he'd overcome to be here now. No one had ever suffered more, no one that she'd met.
And he'd let her go. Knowing what would await him, he'd given her the keys and her freedom. It wasn't his fault that she'd been halfway down the mountain when she hit the brake and realized that she had to go back.
She had to be with him.
This morning they'd showered together and this time had only held each other beneath the fragrant steam of the hot water. No sex; it had been more intimate than mere sex.
"I don't know how long this has been coming on," she told Levi.
"Mmm?" He kissed her deeply, his tongue stroking her own. Every time Petra spoke, it encouraged his kisses. His lips were so thin yet so perfectly formed. She loved kissing him. "What'd you say?"
"I think I loved you before you gave me the car keys."
"I think I loved you when you held that gun on me," he growled. Levi rarely smiled, but he gave a wicked grin as she pouted at him.
"You never told me when you fell in love with me."
The shower was the only noise for a few minutes. He kissed the tip of her nose, lost in thought.
"Honestly?"
"Yes."
"Might've been the first moment I really saw you. Just after you married Erwin, you were standing on that balcony with your high heels off. I looked at you in your bare feet with your stockings, staring out to sea. Then you turned and gave me that look."
"What look?"
"That look that's all fire. Like the one you're giving now," he teased. He nibbled her jaw. "You were always more than some pretty face."
"I couldn't say the same for you." She wrinkled her nose in glee as he scowled.
"Tch. Don't be a brat." He kissed her again. "Sweet but angry; sugar and fire."
"How poetic."
"I just say what I see. If poets don't do that, they're idiots."
After they'd dried off, they stood out on the porch in the sunlight. Petra stared at the harsh glint of the light on the windshield of the car, felt secure in Levi's arms. She held a mug of steaming tea in her hands, and his embrace around her was warmer and better than any blanket.
She'd never felt completely secure before. Amazing that he should be the one to give her that strength. The worst man she'd ever known was also the best, in his own fucked up way.
"Gotta tell you something," he whispered in her ear.
"Mmm?"
"Made a decision. I'm not gonna tell Erwin and the others about Marie."
Petra turned in his arms, stared him in the eye. This was no joke; this was deadly serious.
"But you can't possibly do that. How?"
"Simple." He frowned. "I've been thinking. What if we never went back?"
Petra almost dropped the tea in her shock, which would have been a big problem. It would've scalded both their bare feet. She only just managed to keep a handle on the thing.
"What?" Petra whispered.
"What if we packed our things, loaded up the car, and went?" He looked as though he couldn't believe he was saying this, either.
"This is…Levi, this is a huge thing you're saying." Her heart fluttered. He wanted to leave? To run? Was that even possible?
"I got some money in offshore accounts. We could be comfortable. We could…" He took a shaking breath. "Maybe we could be happy."
It was not a maybe. Petra knew it in the way she knew when she was hungry or when her period was going to start a couple days early. She knew it in the animal core of her body: they could be happy.
"Can you really give him up?" she whispered. Levi winced, but not for long.
"This way, I keep you safe," he said. "I don't have to lie to him, not to his face. Tch, though stealing his wife and leaving him to that bitch's mercy's maybe not a real great show of love." He shook his head slowly, let her kiss his cheek. "These last days, I've felt alive for the first time in fucking decades. I want more of this. More of you. Only way I can get that is to run."
Petra couldn't stop herself from crying, but only out of the most profound joy. She kissed him with greedy enthusiasm, and he was happy to reciprocate.
"You won't regret it," she whispered. "I promise."
"Tch. You might regret it, kid, but I won't. I can promise you that."
And he meant it. Petra could see the sincerity in the narrowing of those pale, blue-gray eyes. She read it in the tight set of his jaw.
"We'll drive. Ditch the car. Fuck, there's a decent chance I can fake our deaths in a little auto accident." He seemed perversely excited by the idea, but it thrilled Petra. She was suddenly so damn close to freedom. And freedom with him, with Levi. The man she'd sworn she hated…
Even during her most authentic periods of hate, though, she'd craved him. It was undeniable, this thing between them.
"Where do you want to go first?" she whispered.
"New York, maybe? Or we could start slow, Spain or Portugal. We can't get in touch with your family too soon, but once Pixis and the others have bought that we're dead and gone we can see about quietly moving your folks."
It was going to be okay. Petra was going to be free.
And she was going to be his.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I love you more than I thought I could." She kissed his lips. "And I didn't think there was a limit."
"You sweet brat." He nuzzled her cheek. "Pet, I'm so fucked up. This thing isn't gonna be easy between us."
"It never was, remember? But I wouldn't change it for anything."
"Go pack." He pressed kisses all over her face. "Thirty minutes and we're gone for good."
Petra required no more prodding than that. She rushed into the cabin, heart pounding, a smile stretched over her face. She doubted she'd ever stop smiling now.
She had freedom, and she had him. She needed nothing else.
Levi washed out the mug at the kitchen sink, whistling as he cleaned everything up. He hated to leave food behind to spoil, but he wanted to get them out of here as fast as possible. He was trying to figure out where and when to fake their deaths. Shouldn't be too hard, just so long as he was careful. And he was always careful.
Petra. She was running away with him. She made him so happy he fucking whistled.
No, he wasn't running away. For the first time in his life, Levi had something to run toward. He wasn't trying to escape the nightmares now; he was trying to reach his dreams.
Because of her.
I'll always love you, Erwin, but I need her in ways I can't believe. Pixis will look after you; I'm sorry.
Hopefully Erwin lived; hopefully he believed Levi and Petra had been picked off by the Tybur family. Hopefully their paths never crossed again. And even though it would hurt a little every single day to think of what and who he'd given up, Levi knew it was worth the sacrifice to have Petra. To have a life.
A life without violence, maybe. A life with sunlight and her. A life of peace.
He couldn't fucking wait.
"Oi. You ready to go?" Levi called, striding through the living room.
He stopped dead when he heard a car pull up outside, the engine die.
"Levi?" Petra said. She heard it, too. Sounded frightened.
"Stay in the bedroom," he hissed. He pressed his back to the wall, glanced out the window.
Hange and Zackley climbed out of the car, chatting together as they headed for the cabin's front door.
Fuck. Zackley Levi might have just killed; Hange he could never. And given how his friend was smiling, that could only mean one thing.
Levi's stomach shriveled as he opened the door.
"What're you fucks doing here?" His voice sounded hollow and distant.
"You don't have a phone up here, remember?" Hange grinned, hands in her pockets. As Levi had told Petra, only Hange knew how to get in touch with him. Well, now Zackley did, too. The fucker. Zackley grumbled something about how hot it was and wiped his brow. "Good news. Very good news." Hange sighed, grinning wider. "Erwin's alive. He's awake. He's going to make a full recovery."
"Oh. Fuck." Levi didn't know how to respond. Fortunately, stoicism and surliness were his default expressions, so no one suspected anything.
"Erwin sent me to bring you and Petra home. He knows all about how you saved him, Levi. And how you protected Petra." His friend grabbed him in a hug, squeezed tight. "He's very, very pleased."
Levi did not return the hug; again, not unusual for him. Outside, he looked calm as ever. Inside, he was screaming and breaking things.
Petra stepped out onto the porch, looking like she'd been punched. Zackley leered, and Hange greeted her.
"Good news," Levi said to the girl. "Erwin's alive. We're going home."
"Oh." She looked ready to collapse.
It was like he'd been shoved back into that dark room. The door shut, blocking out the sunlight.
Right back where he'd started.