"scoot over!" I said with a mouthful of Ice Cream trying to get into that tiny space between Bucky's bulky frame and the rest of the couch, where I was hours ago.
"you know there is a perfectly empty couch just right there!" he replied but started to move anyway.
"Nah! here is just fine!" I added tugging at the end of the blanket to put the ice cream ball on!God my fingers are freezing over!
"Ok! give me a minute!" he forfeited, and started repositioning himself under the soft textile" here!...".
Not giving him any chance to refuse, I filled the spoon with the chocolaty happiness and fed it to him when he turned to look at me.
The sweet taste took over the surprised look on his face, he took it all in his mouth while closing his eyes to appreciate that creamy feeling on his tongue. And was that a moan or am I daydreaming again?!
He went silent for a moment, just looking at me incredulously, and that fainting smile finally took his rightful place on his face
I wiggled my eyebrows smiling, promising mischief as usual.
Taking my fingers to my mouth to blow and warm them a bit! Bucky noticed and his left eyebrow went up!
"How is that you can grab smoking hot toasts easily with your hands and can't even handle an ice cream box for a second!?" he asked genuinely wondering.
"Well! what can I say"...I replied taking the spoon from him dragging it on the freezing surface and taking it to my mouth… "I can handle hot!..." I winked "cold?!...not so much!"
He took the box with his metal arm from where it's was on the blanket between the two of us.
"here! you won't suffer the frost bits and I will have a warm blanket!" he added, "happy now?!"
I smirked "My HEROoo"! I added dramatically batting my eyelashes cutely!well in my head it was cute...in reality...i dont know!
"uh huh!" he just rolled his eyes at me mumbling something about me being a brat! and went back to the TV.
Bucky was eating ice cream on his own now, I happily relinquished the freezing box to him.
He seemed good! But he was a good actor our Sargeant like Steve warned me days ago "he will never show his feelings, Moon, he can close himself to the people around him, and no one would know anything, he can actually be drowning and no one would know!" ha! tell me about it! am a Scorpio love...that is our trademark.
Something kept me on edge, alert, I had a feeling that we should not let him be alone to get lost in his head again, where all his nightmares stood waiting for him like dirty street dogs.
Sneaking looks with the corner of my eyes, checking on him every now and then, like Steve does from the kitchen drying glasses with a cloth. And remember that power that Steve and I share?...well our telepathy was so ON right now!
"He's good Stevie! I've got him" winked at Steve from the kitchen counter, "I know you do !" he nodded in response.
Minutes passed, and Steve joined us, laying on the other couch his book in hand. After a stubborn moment resisting to fall under, Bucky fell asleep, in a sitting position, head leaning back exposing his throat, his bun getting looser with every move. Hugging the blanket for dear life.
He wasn't comfortable obviously, his head kept searching and repositioning for that resting position, and with him being a stubborn son of a bitch, he resisted to lean back on me, being the logical choice here! Accepting his fate after a while and gone still for a bit.
he was finally under in a heartbeat, I lifted my arm and just made him lean on my shoulder, his neck finally finding some sort of relief.
Steve passing me the small cushion behind his back, put it on my thigh, readying it for him.
I finally dragged him down to it, he ended up laying on his left side, head Finally comfortable
"we should wake him, he should go to his bed!" I said to Steve
"Nah, if he wanted he would have done it by now" he replied." he doesn't want to be alone, he does this sometimes, generally when he would be feeling bad... I've learned to read the silent cry with time.!" he finished with a lingering look to his best friend
Agreeing completely, Steve went back to his book. and me to whatever the hell was on TV.
For the life of me, I still can't tell you what was on TV,...
Buck's soft and steady breathing was the star of that evening, and I couldn't dream of a better show.
we were so happy that our boy could finally get some long awaited rest, even for an hour at would be a win at this point.
Stevie said that Bucky wasn't sleeping lately and even had to go to his room and try and have him rest for at least three hours every night.t my complete ignorance!, it looks like Bucky needed the company to vanquish that restlessness he brought with him when he got back from his last mission. he seemed to sleep easy when Steve was there with Stevie would do it even if was the last thing he 'd do!.
and who wouldn't! I mean, having that giant bear clinging to you for safety all night! WHERE DO I SIGN PEOPLE?!
Half an hour passed peacefully, and like on cue his restlessness seemed to creep up on him.
he started to move,...was he dreaming?
Suddenly, He looked in pain! agitated .what should I do?! you fucking jinxed it! you idiot!
I looked at Steve for help.
"I can't do anything, he has to go through it himself!"
"But we should wake him up or something,?" I asked not knowing what to do, and I fucking hated it!
"I did it one time, woke him up, well….let's just say it wasn't a good idea!" Steve replied with the memories dancing in his eyes. "let him deal with it Moon, try to talk to him, it seemed to work when I did it!"
Not having any control over my limbs, my hands took the liberty of taking that ponytail of hell from his VERY LOOSE BUN now! and slowly freeingMY DAMN WEAKNESS from the black elastic, getting his Auburn tresses over the pillow.
After that, I just plunged my fingers in his hair and started massaging his scalp.
And by the stars and MOON, he moaned! he fucking moaned people!
OH heavens, what a music!
"Oh, that is so cute!" Steve interrupted my heavenly moment of happiness
"you're blushing Moon!"
I didn't comment, just smiled, I just didn't give a monkey's ass about what he could think of me right to our surprise, Bucky's body started to relax, his breathing calmed and evened out.AND that was A FUCKING WIN!
"Well! I'll be damned!" commented Steve "who knew!"
"What?" I asked," I didn't do anything.!"
"Just keep doing what you're doing….it's working!" he added behind us now, took the blanket and arranged it on Bucky.
"Oh! I could do this all day," I replied with a wink. knowing he would get the reference.
he laughed
"I know you could!" he finished with a kiss on my forehead and giving me the remote control "you're not working tomorrow?" he asked "Nah! am working from home this week" I replied "don't stay up too long then, good night"
" I won't! 'night buddy! " I whispered taking the remote and putting supernatural on, I had some catching up to do anyway.
...
Bucky kept moving and turning in his sleep BUT didn't seem to wake up anytime soon.
Like Steve had suggested, whispering sweet nothingness to his ear, and dragging my palm on his skin, seemed to do the trick.
The creases between his eyebrows softened a bit, but his sad features were still the same.
He was on his back now, trying to lay comfortable, but it looks like that my thighs and the pillow under his neck were starting to weight on his neck,
In a swift motion, eyes still closed, he took the pillow out, throwing it on the ground in a heartbeat!
hand in the air, I froze like a thief caught in action, did not dare to move an inch!but he kept invading my body like a claimed territory.
So ladies and gents! Bucky Barnes ended up sleeping on my chubby thighs! his dark locks spreading all over them, I could feel the warmth of him spreading and breathing on my skin!
Thank you brain for making me take a bath ANd deciding to wear shorts instead of pants!
And as if all that wasn't enough!... He did what I have never expected to see from him, an actual cheek rubbing like a contented cat .all that was missing were the purrrssss!
OOook!let's see if we can have that too!
Testing the waters, with a shit-eating grin on my face. I lowered my hand carefully back to his hair my palms over his my nails delicately on his scalp.
Come on! it's not like I wasn't gonna play with it! where in hell am I gonna have a chance like this? you think the opportunity of having him LITERALLY on your lap will be A COMMON THING from now on?!...well yeah! in MY dream world, or your fan fiction...any who!l
Let me play people, and don't judge!
SO focus!... Me, playing with his hair...
a few seconds later, with the softest caresses that I could master right now, try and failing to ignore the tingling that was starting to play house in my stomach. light scratches of my fingernails claimed one territory after another and getting acquainted with his scalp down to his rough skin with the start of his beard
AND WE HAVE A WINNER! yes! it's happening people! this is not a drill! a very Very smooth groan was in the a purr but a guttural groan nonetheless! wait! is he smiling!?
"what are you dreaming about!?" I said to whoever was listening…dragging my eyes to his luscious lips and had a swift tip of his tongue between them as a reply!
Dean was talking to Sammy about some British dick head!( Dean's words), being ambushed over something or another...still didn't know what was the episode about though!
It looks like me catching on the show was a no-go, when I had a sleeping Buck nearby.
Finally declaring forfeit and just switching the TV off. I tried getting myself comfortable and ready for 's good that I don't have to be at the office in the morning...yeah! a graphic designer has its perks.
but little that I knew, was that making yourself comfortable was not an easy task when you have a giant cinnamon roll hugging the hell out of your legs.
BUT I accept anything if it meant waking up next to him…" oh! what a beautiful thought!" said my heart to my eye-rolling brain.
Bucky was now on his stomach, his flesh arm somehow under my thigh, yes! that sounds impossible but THAT'S WHY I SAID huGGING THE HELL OUT OF MY LEG!
Anyways! moving with the speed of a lazy snail, carefully now that he left me with no choice but accepting my fate and just leaning to my right side tucking myself between his sides and the back of the couch.
I could only reach as far as his waist, just above the small of his the small couch cushion to support my head, and I couldn't dream of a better sleeping position.let's be honnest...sour neck be damned!
It was like 69'ing but more"Kawai than Hentail".haha ..ok get your head out of the gutter you pervs!
Finally settling down, ready to by his musk! 'ok, there is no way using the word -musk- and NOT think about something dirty!
I hereby allow you to do so!
After a while his restlessness was back, he started twitching and saying unintelligible words tugging on the blanket hard...
I was glad that wasn't my thigh he was grabbing cuz, GOD! that would have bruised!
"sssshht! I got you! ...am right here 's ok! go back to sleep"I soothed, dragging my free hand on his large back...I Couldn't reach his head anymore without angling up a bit, so his hair was out of the way…-to my heart's break-
I made sure to keep a constant contact with him,(my entire buddy clade to his was out of the equation! of course) in my defense, he seemed to need it, so who was I to deny him that?!
Void of any stress, and totally relaxed, a peaceful face which he can never harbor while awake took place.
I smiled fondly, and with the last attempt I ventured my hand to his face, I wished I had my phone so that I could snap a picture of him sleeping...next time!
he shifts unconsciously moving closer before nuzzling his nose against the palm of my hand and it's in that moment, I realized How far gone I was for this man.
GOD! those sweet, sweet fluters in my belly were the answer I needed
Why do I always feel the NEED to help and take care of him, why do I always fall for the broken souls? this stupid and childish illusion that I could save them is so powerful, like a drug given to the ultimate addict, the feeling of being needed is the most intoxication rush I've ever felt before…
But, the icing on the cake was that, how can I heal someone when I was the one needing it the most?
Helping a broken soul when I was broken myself!
The realization hit me like a rock, If I wanted to save him, I should first start with MYSELF.
allow me to trust people again, learn to open my heart again.
I've been alone for so long now...that I can finally admit that I became a recluse in a way!
I've been disappointed too many times, I ended up putting them all in the same bag.
every time I felt anything for anyone, I eradicated that feeling from its roots…to protect me from that ache again.
no more sleepless nights, no more ruined days thinking about what I could have done to make him fight for me, to prioritize me.
and the joke was that I've been told that I was "the perfect girlfriend", they came to find the girl and the friend in with the same ending...where was the truth in that?
if they ended up leaving me?!
It is known that independent woman ARE OVERWHELMING for some men. And being alone for some time, you learn to be very self-satisfied, and VERY independent, so one plus one equals...
I could feel myself falling for Bucky, 'caus let's face it! who couldn't!?he is the personification of my wildest dreams, walking every day under my nose.
In all my stories and comics, I put some of my version of "a perfect man" in my characters,
in a way, Bucky seemed to have them all, so I was bound to fall easily and So VERY HARD over Bucky Barnes.
Now that I remember; Steve was the first one to notice that about me, with every one I brought to meet him, he ended up saying" yeah! it won't last long!"or he is no Buck!" nagging me, and proving that he knew me better than I knew myself, that little shit!
which is why he did everything in his power to bring us together maybe? that little shit! I need to have a talk with him.
I was bound to fail, just didn't have the guts to accept it.
I was in love with Bucky Barnes
how did I ever ?...when did it happen? how could I?! he is Steve's best friend for god's sake! it couldn't be more stereotypical .okay he was so fucking hot and thousand percent my type but this doesn't give me the: right to claim him mine!
Now that I think about it!... when was the last time I fell in love with someone? they say that when you stay single for long period Of time, you become less needy and get to be less trusting in the opposite , that is just fancy words of saying that you're broken.
And that moment my heart chooses to try and argue with me by telling me that' bucky is broken too and that you can learn to heal together' awww! "SHUT IT you, romantic idiot! Life is not a fairy tale and it's not that simple "my mind seemed very pissed at the moment
With that thought, he shifted and turned to face my stomach. I went rigid, not Daring to move! Oh! for the love of all that was sweet and chocolaty, please stop killing me!
he nuzzled my stomach and have his metal arm around my waist and hugging so tight that it gave me goosebumps as if that wasn't enough to kill me he chose that moment to groan in content.
I checked my wristwatch and sighed, it was 2 a.m. it's going to be a very very long night.
Fuck you brain, this is not the time for this kind of self-realization.
Am so tired! I Breathed out. Finley ready to go under.
Notes:
pls leave any comment, I would love hearing your thoughts...