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Chapter 20- Astrid Clearwater
"So this is it," I say, breaking the silence that's fallen over us. "This is where we say goodbye."
"It is." Beetee reaches forwards and shakes first my hand, then Circuit's. "It's been a pleasure to work with you two, and I wish you luck in the weeks ahead." I glance over at Circuit; he's not going to make it through tomorrow, let alone the next few weeks.
"Thank you for everything," I say, and I mean it. Beetee's been a good mentor, and I've liked him.
"Do you have any last-minute instructions?" Circuit asks anxiously. Beetee looks long and hard at him.
"Keep out of the way of the Careers. They might not be the biggest threat to you this year, but they're still a threat, and they're well trained. Keep away from the Cornucopia; it's traditionally a Career base." Circuit nods; I can tell he's trying to memorize everything, to hold onto when the gong sounds. "Beyond that, so much of what happens in the arena is luck. And you two will need it."
Delia Charm, still wearing that cloud blue wig, hugs me. "You've been a lovely girl to work with, Astrid. Good luck."
"Thank you," I say, trying to smile at her. She hasn't been so bad either.
"Good luck, Circuit," she continues, hugging my district partner.
"Go get some sleep. Your stylists will be collecting you early. I'll see you on the other side," Beetee says. Circuit shakes his hand one last time, then walks quickly to his room. Delia wipes away a tear and heads to her own room, leaving just Beetee and me.
"You too, Astrid," he says.
"Can I ask just one thing?" I ask, starting to walk towards the hall.
"Yes."
"Do I have sponsors?"
Beetee looks at me, then cracks a small smile. "Yes."
I smile too, then. "Good. Thank you."
"Good luck, Astrid."
"Thank you. For everything."
In my room, I head straight to the shower, washing away all the makeup and hair products Sparkle and her team put on me. Returning me to Astrid, just plain Astrid. Getting out, I use the current to dry my hair, then go to my wardrobe to pull out a soft white nightgown that comes to my feet.
I stand at my window for a few minutes, looking down at the streets that are still so busy. Is this my last view of the Capitol? More importantly, is this my last night alive? My last night to see lights and the sky and stars?
Will I even make it through tomorrow morning?
I can't look out the window anymore. I don't want to think about it; don't want to think about tomorrow. How is Mama doing? She must be worried about me, but she'll be keeping it together for Axel. Does he even understand what's going on?
Climbing into bed, I pull the thick and soft covers over my head, trying to block it all out. I got a 7; that means I'm good. I'm going to run tomorrow and not go into the bloodbath. Where am I going to run to? What's the arena going to be?
I have so many questions with no answers. All I can do is wait and see.
I dislike most people from my district, because they dislike me, but I wonder about them now. Are they cheering me on? I doubt they're rooting for Circuit, because he's a write off. But what about me? My father might have been a Peacekeeper, but that didn't stop me from being reaped, now did it? If I ever get home, I'm going to ask Mama who my father really was. It's too late now.
There's not going to be sleep for me tonight; I can feel it. There's too much to think about, and worry about. But the bed is soft and the covers are warm, and it's probably the most comfortable I'll be for awhile. I'm safe here too, and that's being taken away tomorrow.
When I win, I'll be able to get Mama and Axel out of that leaky apartment and into a proper house. We'll never want for food, because I'll be rich. And District 3 will have to pay me the respects due to a victor. I think that might be the best victory of all.
Outside, a soft rain is falling and hitting the window. The sound is soothing, reminding me of all the times I've fallen asleep in my bed at home to the rain pounding on the windows and roof. District 3 is a notoriously rainy place. I hate it there, but right now I want to be home so badly it hurts.
Please let me live.
Shore Seawind
I haven't heard it rain in the Capitol before, but it's raining now; the light rain turning into a heavier downpour. I've always liked the rain, except when a storm would come up when Da and I were out on the Jewel. I know I'm doing my duty by being here, and I'm glad I'm here, but I miss those early morning fishing trips with Da. Just him and me talking about nothing and everything.
I miss the girls greeting us when we got home, and Ma who would cook one of the fishes we brought home, after giving me a hug. I miss jesting with Hake, and with the other fishermen on the dock. I miss seeing the sun rise over the ocean, and the water itself. I hope wherever the arena is, there's water.
Most of all, I miss Thalassa. I have her necklace around my neck, and I hold onto the shell, hold onto my last piece of her. When I get home, we'll get married, and we'll have a beautiful house; I won't have to work on the boats anymore, but I will anyway, because I like to. And later, we might have some kids of our own…
I just have to win. I can do it; I'm Shore, the boy they chose to represent District 4. They chose me, because they thought I would have the best chance. I'm here, and I'm going in tomorrow morning. Every eye in District 4 is going to be riveted to Kelpie and me.
Kelpie. She broke down as soon as we got upstairs; Glass was so disgusted with her that she left and we didn't get to say goodbye. Mags hugged Kelpie, though, and I think it helped. I hope Aria is happy at home, watching Kelpie go in instead of her.
It's after midnight and I can't sleep. Maybe a walk will do me good. Throwing off the blankets, I get up, stretching, and walk into the hallway leading to the living room. It's dark in the living room, but the light from the Capitol gives the room more of a grayscale look. I can see to get around, but nothing in much detail. I don't need much detail to sit and think, though.
"What are you doing up, Shore?" I startle when I hear Mags's voice.
"Can't sleep." The windows are soaked with rain, making the Capitol lights look streaky.
"You should try; you won't get many chances in the arena." Mags comes into the living room, wrapped in a blanket.
"I thought a walk would help," I tell her as I sit on the edge of one of the couches.
"Are you nervous?" she asks, perching on the edge of a chair opposite to me.
"Maybe a little," I admit. "I want to get back to my fiancée and my family."
"I think you will," Mags says, looking out the window. "Just keep your head."
"I doubt I'll go insane in the arena."
"Oh you never know. There's always one," she says lightly. I can hear the smile in her voice, then she starts to chuckle a little. Her laughter is infectious, and I can't help laughing too.
"I won't go crazy, you know that," I tell her.
"I know." Mags looks at me, her face shadowed so I can't make out her features very well. "I've enjoyed getting to know you, Shore."
"Thanks for picking me as your tribute," I reply. I wouldn't want to be under the thumb of Glass or Riptide.
"I always choose the boys. They offer me more of a challenge," she says.
"How so?"
"You boys are almost always so self-assured and you want to take on the world. You're invincible. There's exceptions, but the majority of them are like you."
"I'm not invincible, Mags."
"Good, you realize that. Some didn't, and they didn't end well."
"Are you trying to scare me?" I joke. "Because I'm not getting scared."
"We're going to bring you home, Shore," Mags says. "I'm confident in that. I truly believe you can win if you play your cards right. You're in the biggest alliance, so you will go into the bloodbath tomorrow alongside the others. Don't get killed in that."
"I'll do my best."
"You'll have the best supplies, which means you'll have the best chance of survival with food in mind. Find water; that's vital. You can't live more than three days without water."
"Anything else?"
"Don't trust your allies," she says seriously. "As I've said before, they're out to win for themselves, not you. So be smarter than them, and win."
"How come you didn't tell me this stuff before? You didn't know I would come out tonight, so why wait until now?" I ask. Mags's face is hidden in darkness, but I can still see her smile.
"I knew you would come out. Tributes don't sleep much the night before the Games. But you should try, Shore. Long day tomorrow."
Mags stands up, and so do I. "I'm looking forward to seeing you live in my neighborhood," she says, clapping me on the shoulders.
"Thank you. I've enjoyed our talks," I tell her.
"Good. We'll have many more. I won't see you tomorrow, so be safe, and good luck, Shore. I'm confident you can win."
"See you on the other side," I say, starting for my room again. After the talk we just had, I'm feeling tired, which is a good thing.
"On the other side," Mags replies. And I can hear the smile in her voice.
Iry Coppersmith
What sort of arena is it going to be this year? I'm terrified of it being a tundra, after what happened to Terra in her Games. A meadow? A city? The Gamemakers could have made the arena anything. Maybe it will be that cake Terra was talking about.
Apparently, I won't see her tomorrow, but I know my sister will find a way to say a last goodbye before Damius takes me up to the roof. Saying goodbye to the others was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
"You'll do amazing," Woven said, hugging me. "I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Okay. I'm going to miss you!"
"I'm going to miss you too, Iry. You be good and safe now."
"I'll try," I told Woven.
Shuttle sat down and pulled me over to her, wrapping her arms around me tight. "You're a wonderful girl, Iry. We'll bring you home. I promise, we'll bring you home."
"I love you," I whispered to her. "Take care of Terra, okay?"
"I will."
"Don't worry," I said. "I'll be back. I'll hide and they'll never catch me, and then I'll win."
"That's the plan," Shuttle said, giving me one last kiss. Woof shook my hand instead of hugging me like the others.
"That's a girl. We'll bring you home," he said. Azlon had already said brief goodbyes to everyone; now it was just my turn to say my last words to my family. Woven was wiping away tears when she thought I couldn't see; Shuttle's face was set in a tight line, the face she makes when she's trying not to cry. She said she believed I could win, so why was she crying?
After Woof, it was Terra's turn. "I don't want you to worry about me," she said, her voice cracking. "I'll be fine. I'm going to make sure you don't want for anything in the arena. You'll be just fine."
"Promise me that you won't go a little crazy," I said, only half teasing. I worry about my sister, I really do.
"I promise. As long as you're alive and kicking in there, I'll be fine."
"Okay."
I'm scared of the rain outside; it's pounding against my window like it wants to get in. I want to be home so badly, in my room that's painted pink, with the big bed that has the canopy over it. My bookshelves with the brightly colored novels. My rug that's soft and fluffy, where Ribbons likes to sleep. Ribbons. I miss my cat! I miss Deecey and Alex, and Eli, and my friends, and school…
I want to go home.
What if I don't go home? What if I die in the arena tomorrow, and Terra has to watch me die, and Shuttle and Woven and Woof, and then Terra will be alone, and I'll be gone. I could die tomorrow!
I need to find Terra.
Terra Coppersmith
"I don't want to hurt you! Back up!" I yell at the boy from District 11 as he approaches, knife in hand. "Get back!"
"Terra, over here!" I turn quickly to see Fletcher, standing a distance away by the Cornucopia.
"Fletcher, look out!" I scream, but it's too late. The girl from District 2 stabs him and he disintegrates. Then the girl and the boy both morph into giant bears and attack me…
What's that sound? I thrash around, trying to find a knife, a bow, something! It's a tribute come to kill me. I can't find anything to grab; I'm not going to die; I'm not going to let whoever it is kill me!
"Terra!" Suddenly I'm jolted out of my nightmare stupor, albeit very confused. Where am I? Right, the Capitol. Where's Fletcher?
Fletcher's been dead for five years. I know why he's haunting me tonight; five years ago, tonight, was the first time he kissed me. Five years ago, tonight, I fell for him, and set myself up for a lifetime of pain.
"Terra," somebody sobs again, and suddenly I'm fully aware of everything.
"Iry?" I say, and my little sister rushes into my arms, crying.
"I'm scared! I'm scared, Terra!" she says, holding me tight. I pull her up onto the bed closer to me, and just hold her, trying not to cry myself.
"I've got you. I've got you," I whisper in her ear.
"What if I die tomorrow? What if I don't make it?"
"You're going to make it. I'm going to make sure of that."
"I'm only thirteen! Terra, I'm scared!" she sobs, starting to shake.
"I've got you. Shh, Iry. I've got you," I say. "We're going to get you out of there."
"Don't make me go in! Don't let them take me tomorrow!" Iry says, suddenly pulling away.
I've devoted my whole life to taking care of my sister, and now I can't even keep her safe when she needs it most. I've failed. What would our parents say? Even if they were alive, they would be just as helpless as I am right now. I hate being a victor most of the time, but right now I'm glad I won. If I hadn't, then Iry would be here alone.
Of course, I doubt her being chosen was random. If I hadn't won, then she might not even be here.
"If I could, I'd take you home right now," I whisper. "But we've got to see this through. Think of it as an adventure, okay? And just run, run away from the others. I know you're going to be fine. Nobody's going to hurt you."
"What if they do?"
"They won't. I promise. I don't break promises, do I?" Iry shakes her head.
"You'll come home and Ribbons will be so happy to see you. And you can always live in Victor's Village with Shuttle, and Woven, and Woof, and me." My words feel hollow. How can I ensure my sister lives through the next few weeks when there's going to be twenty-three other tributes wanting to kill her?
"If I die," Iry starts.
"You're not going to die."
"If I die, please take care of Ribbons for me."
"Of course I will, but I'm not going to have to," I tell her.
"And give Deecey and Eli and Alex my love."
"Again, you're going to tell them yourself."
"And I love you, and you're the best sister in the world," Iry says, hugging me again, her head pushing my necklace into my chest. Suddenly, I'm inspired.
"Iry, remember how you gave me your necklace before I left for my Games?" I ask. She nods. "It brought me home." Pulling back, I unclasp the necklace and ring and put it around her neck.
"You're giving it back?" she asks, feeling the ring on its chain.
"Your token. Mother will be with you, and she'll help bring you home. Okay?"
"Thank you," Iry whispers.
"You are going to come home," I say firmly. I can't believe any other options; I need my sister to come home to me.
"Okay."
"I love you," I tell her.
"I love you too. Can I stay here tonight?" she asks.
"Of course."
Nell Slatefield
It's three in the morning and I still can't sleep. The bed is soft, and I'm comfortable, but I haven't been able to drop off even once. And I'm going to need my rest for tomorrow. I keep thinking about the interviews and how they went. I saw the recap after I had a shower and got my curly hair back; I looked good onstage. Better than a lot of the others, if I say so myself.
Rolling over, I cover my head with a silky pillow. Back home, most people don't have pillows. It's a luxury nobody has time or the resources for. I had one, though; flat after twelve or so years, but still precious to me. And worth almost nothing to anyone else. Mamma made it for me, when I was little. Patchworked and lumpy, but with my name embroidered on the corner.
It was Mamma who named me Eleanor; she told me once when I was little that it was because it means light, and I brought light into her life. She called me her little sunbeam. Nobody's called me that since she died. I'd almost forgotten about it until now.
Kicking off the covers, I get out of bed, grabbing a smaller blanket from the foot of the bed to wrap around myself. There's no point in adjusting the temperature in here if you can just take a blanket, you know. The rain's finally stopping, so I go to sit beside the big window overlooking the city.
For some reason, my Mamma is coming back to me lots tonight, and especially the memories of her funeral. I was four when she died, of the summer fever. Lots of people die of it during the summer months, and that year it was my mamma's turn.
I was small, so I don't remember much, but I remember Auntie Ruth rocking me back and forth, and me crying, but not knowing exactly why. And I remember seeing Mamma in her coffin before they put her in the District 11 graveyard. She was peaceful looking, and beautiful too. Like she was just sleeping.
Is that how I'll look if I die tomorrow? Will I be sent back to my family in a plain pine coffin, destined for the graveyard where Mamma is buried?
What's going to happen tomorrow?
I thought I could win, I think I can win, but seeing the beginning of the Games just lurking around the corner makes everything more real. Right now, I'd give almost anything to be home in the Roots, sharing a bed with Rosa.
Rosa. My cousin and I have never been the best of friends, but we're still close. She's irritating, and she thinks the same about me, I'm sure, but I miss her anyway. I miss all of them at home.
What is going to happen to me?
Even with the blanket wrapped around me, a chill runs up and down my spine. I don't want to die. And, I'll admit, I'm scared. I want to go home, and I'll bet everyone else in this building wants to go home too. Even the Career volunteers.
I don't want to kill the others. I've played tricks on them, and trained alongside them, and heard their interviews, heard them talk about their families and how much they want to win too. I don't want to kill them.
Most of all, I want my Mamma, and my Papa too, even though I never knew him. There's just enough light from the city below that I can vaguely see their pictures inside my locket when I open it. Mamma looks pretty and young in her picture, no more than seventeen or eighteen. Papa has a stern face and a mustache. I remember nothing of him, and I'm sorry for it.
Seeder's told me not to trust my only ally, but I don't really have a choice, do I? I'm so scared; I don't know what to do. The room seems colder, and I wrap the blanket tighter around myself. My stomach feels ill with anxiety. I'm so scared for what tomorrow is going to bring.
Then I do what I promised myself I wouldn't do, and what I never do at home; I put my head down on my knees, and cry; cry with the terror and the anxiety, and all the losses I've had.
I don't want to die.