Pervert
LIGHT'S INITIAL MISGIVINGS were not only confirmed, but proven to be a gross underestimation of the reality of his new living situation. The previous evening had passed quickly enough despite the deficiency in good company. Mogi and Matsuda had flitted in and out of headquarters, cell phones pressed confidentially to their ears. L had lapsed into sullen silence in front of his computer. Despite his assurances that he was too busy to speak, Light had been certain that he recognised the graphics of Minesweeper upon the detective's screen more than once. Eventually, both Soichiro and Aizawa had left to return to their respective homes for dinner. Light had fought internally over asking his father if he could be taken with him. After fifty days of incarceration, Light could hardly remember his last hot meal (and, much less, one he had been able to eat using his hands). Looking about himself forlornly, he had, at last, taken a slice of Matsuda's sickeningly sweet carrot cake. Although Light had only managed a few bites before giving up, he had still consumed enough to continue discovering particles of carrot in his teeth hours later…
The night had hardly been any more palatable. L, predictably, had curled up in the armchair with Watari's laptop, whilst Light had fallen into a troubled, restless sleep in his narrow bed. Strange, interchangeable images passed through the student's mind; of guns, dark, abandoned car parks, and, from out of nowhere, a strange, blue-lipped creature with bulbous, green eyes...
Light stirred slightly, before rolling over onto his other side. Exhaling deeply, he opened a bleary eye to find L's pale face looming over him.
"Argh!" Light sat bolt upright in bed, rubbing both eyes with balled fists. "What is with you?"
"You talk in your sleep," L explained matter-of-factly. "I was forced to lip read in case I missed anything."
"Well, we wouldn't want that," Light snapped. He shifted round so that his bare feet were lowered to the carpet. "We'd better go get ready. I've put it off for about twenty two hours but, any longer, and my bladder is gonna explode. It's time."
Light eyed the bathroom door fearfully.
x-x-x
Washed, dressed and made somewhat presentable, the two walked out into the corridor, only to be met with a scene of activity. Light was glad for the distraction; having concluded their bathroom routine, he now had a brand new reel of disturbing mental images to delete from recent memory.
Matsuda and Mogi were bringing through the last of Misa Amane's belongings. The model had already disappeared upstairs to add the 'finishing touches' to her new apartment. This, rather than helping to move or unpack anything useful, amounted to unearthing and lighting every candle she owned. Allegedly, her sitting room now resembled the scene of a Catholic Mass.
"I don't know what you're planning to do with Light and Ryuzaki later but try not to burn the whole place down, okay?" Mogi had called behind him as he descended the stairs. Light groaned inwardly.
"Hey, you two. Ryuzaki, there's some people for you downstairs. I told them to take a seat and wait."
"Excellent," L replied quietly.
Light followed the detective down into the central room. Upon the green sofas sat a well-dressed pair; a man with one leg thrown casually across his knee and a woman with her arms folded nonchalantly. A light stubble glazed the face of the former and, when he grinned over at the two young men on the stairs, Light suspected that he knew he was flexing the dimples in his cheeks. The woman, comparatively reserved, turned her head so that the light caught her sunglasses with a sudden flash. Momentarily surprised, and with his recent imprisonment to blame for such stunted social skills, Light blurted out the first thought which came to mind.
"Who let them in?"
"This is Aiber and Wedy," L explained with a brief gesture towards each. "Aiber is a con man and Wedy is a thief by trade."
"Criminals?" came the next distasteful word to fall from Light's mouth. L turned to him, a slow smile creeping across his face.
"Yes. Is that a problem for you, Light?"
"No," Light answered quickly. He dropped his gaze down to the polished floor, declining to speak any more on the subject.
"Good." L continued talking, but his eyes remained on Light's faltering expression. "Now, I imagine that Wedy, as a supremely talented hacker, was able to override our security system." The criminals exchanged a smug glance.
"Actually, that was all my doing," Aiber explained, his tone clearly conveying just how impressed he was with himself, "I got old Watari on the intercom and-"
"In my defense, he's a very charming man!" Watari broke in defensively, over from where he was collecting the crumb-strewn plates from the night before. "And he somehow knows all the words to the Oxford University Boat Burning song! Had me thinking he was from the class of '51."
"Very impressive," L appraised him. Wedy stirred in her seat.
"Just to prove my worth, I managed to hack into - let's say - a particularly sensitive folder of yours." Light felt a sudden thrill of dread as the woman turned to fix her gaze over in his direction.
"Mine? On my computer?" Light attempted to mask his alarm with a small, strangled laugh. He heaved a sigh and shook his shaggy fringe from his eyes, before glancing back at Wedy in casual indifference. "...and what was that then? Probably the same thing you'd find on any eighteen year old guy's harddrive."
"Oh, I found that," Wedy's smile widened considerably. "But I think we both know that you created that folder as a decoy so that people wouldn't continue snooping and find-" Light held up his hands to silence her; the chain which bound him to L rattled noisily.
"Okay, now you're just bluffing," Light retorted. Despite himself, his eyes darted over to the automatic doors which led out to the lobby. "Look, my dad will be here any minute. Let's not talk about this right now."
"It's what I think it is, isn't it?" L pressed Wedy eagerly, his finger trailing his lower lip. A knowing smile passed between them, leaving Light to glare at the floor in frustration.
"Yes, Daddy would be most concerned." Wedy arched a thin eyebrow over her sunglasses at L. "Got something on you too, L."
"Actually, the only explicit photos I possess are taken from crime scenes," L replied calmly, withdrawing a lollipop from the pocket of his jeans.
"Crime scenes, yes… does that include trespassing?" L froze, halfway through removing the lollipop's wrapper. "I'm sure a certain someone you worked a past case with knew about your policy on extensive 'background checks.'"
It was Light's turn to look victorious.
x-x-x
Morning passed quickly into afternoon. No sooner had the police detectives exchanged pleasantries with their unlikely colleagues and commenced analysing the previous day's data, than Light found he was being summoned two floors above - to Misa's apartment.
"I should at least stop and change my shirt…" he whined as he trailed behind L. "Just give me a second-"
"Misa won't care what you're wearing," L interrupted. "She just wants to see you." He rapped his knuckles smartly upon Misa's door. "Hey Sweetie! Guess who?"
Light gaped at him in mingled horror and confusion. Then, the door was flung open loudly.
"My Knight!" Misa beamed, plunging past L and throwing her arms around Light's neck. "Of course I knew it was you!" Light feebly patted her upon the back, his wide, terrified eyes following L as the latter wandered inside the apartment.
"Ryuzaki, wait…!"
Inside the sitting room, shimmering candlelight danced about the darkened walls. Mogi had not exaggerated about the fire hazard Misa had created; at least fifty candles of varying lengths and shapes filled the parlour. What, is she being religious or romantic…? Light's subconscious stirred within him again, and since when was it so hard to tell..?
The sounds of Alumina played softly from an Ipod and speakers on the sideboard. L had gravitated over to the coffee table which bore a great, chocolate ganache cake, a bowl of strawberries and a bottle of champagne, purposefully set aside with two glasses.
"Sorry it's such a mess everywhere!" Misa giggled, "my bedroom's still full of boxes otherwise I totally would have taken you in there."
"Th-that's okay," Light stammered. He waved a hand awkwardly aloft. "Um, how about a drink? I'm not twenty yet, but one glass should be fine."
"Sure!" Misa lifted the bottle to begin pouring. "I only put out two glasses as I was kinda hoping that we would be alone, you know?" She threw a reproachful look over at L who turned, just at that very moment, to brandish the cake slice at her.
"That's okay, I don't drink. May I…?"
"You can have it. Cake makes you fat, so I'm just having strawberries," Misa sniffed, before handing Light a champagne flute. L cut himself a generous slice, threw a handful of strawberries on top for good measure, then leapt onto the sofa.
"Actually, I found that you don't gain any weight as long-"
"Wow, make yourself at home much?" Misa interrupted, much to L's consternation. The latter stabbed moodily at his food.
"As I was saying-" He raised a strawberry to his mouth, then sighed. "Never mind. It would take too long to explain."
"So now you're calling me stupid?" She rounded on Light, who was very much willing himself to be swallowed up by the gap in the sofa cushions. "Are you going to let him talk to me like that? Tell him to leave!"
"I can't…" Light tried lamely, raising his arm to show Misa the handcuffs.
"Rule One: the handcuffs do not come off," L announced, "it's just the way it has to be. Now you two carry on and just pretend I'm not even here. I'll just sit with my cake. Watching you."
A shudder visibly rippled through Misa.
"This is one of the worst dates I've ever been on, all thanks to you and your creepiness!" she cried. Reaching out, she seized one of the candles. "Maybe I'll just blow out all the lights!"
"You can make it as dark as you like in here. We've already set up infrared cameras." L lifted a strawberry to his lips, then paused in consideration. "And do remember that I'll still be in the room… just in case you get confused in the dark." His teeth sank slowly into the strawberry's flesh. Sickened, Misa placed the candle back upon the table.
"Wow, you really are a pervert, aren't you?"
"No, he's just in a horrible mood," Light finally broke in. "What is up with you anyway? I thought coming here was supposed to motivate us to catch Kira. You seem more interested in playing computer games and eating cake." To his surprise, L uttered a low, humourless laugh before slamming his plate down on the coffee table.
"You want to know why I'm not motivated?" L swallowed his food hastily; his dark, sunken eyes roving between Light and Misa. "You do realise my whole case hinged on the fact that the pair of you were Kira? I had you both, dead to rights, and then…"
"That's no reason to give up!" Light sidled forward in his seat. "We can start again. We've got data. And cake, just like you wanted."
"Yes, Light. Let's chase down Kira. It doesn't matter that Kira can, apparently, control his victims then leave them without any memories of their crimes. I'm sure it'll be easy enough to track him down." L picked up his plate once more and began digging his fork violently into the sponge.
"So, you really believe Misa and I were both being controlled by Kira, which is why you suspected us in the first place?" Light asked seriously.
"Yes. And, seeing that criminals started dying again during your confinement, I can only conclude that Kira's power passes between people…" Rather than looking triumphant with his deduction, L speared his cake on the end of his fork all the more savagely. "Let's face it, chasing endlessly after Kira is a waste of time. I'm essentially being forced to dance in the palm of some God, and I am so not in the mood for all this drama."
"I know it sounds like Kira could be almost impossible to catch, but we don't know for sure that your theory is right until we investigate it!" Light forced an overbright smile. "Cheer up, would ya?"
For a moment, L looked as though he would have quite liked to have kicked Light. Instead, he channeled all his feelings of frustration into two choice words. Misa gasped in outrage.
"Come on, Ryuzaki-"
"What do you want from me, Light? This?" L held out his plate with mock courtesy. Light scrutinised the plate's half-eaten contents, before affirming with a small nod.
"You know, I will take that." Light motioned as though he were about to receive the plate, before pushing sponge, ganache and cream all into L's face.
"Oh!" Misa cried in alarm.
L wiped the mess of cake from his eyes; there was chocolate in his hair, all over the lower part of his face and the stains were now sinking into his white sweater.
"This is my favourite top," he seethed. His hand flew out and shoved Light, almost hard enough to topple him from the sofa.
"Well, I'm sick of you moping around just because your genius deduction was wrong!" Light shouted. The two young men were on their feet, prowling around each other with Misa hovering nervously between them. Quite forgetting the chain which bound them, Light threw all his body weight behind a punch aimed at the detective's face. L, startled by the speed of the attack, was thrown off his feet and into the plant pot behind him. Light gave a strangled cry as he was tugged along behind him. Misa screamed in fury and dramatically stamped L's spilled cake into her new carpet.
"Nice one, geniuses!" she yelled, "Light you're supposed to be paying me attention! Why do you always get distracted by L?!"
On the other side of the room, L sat up, his eye already purpling under a smear of cake.
"Owww…"
"Shut up!" Light growled, stumbling to his feet. "What was the point of all this-" He gestured wildly to the space around them. "-if you were just going to give up?"
"I'm not giving up," L replied in an oddly composed voice, despite his injured eye and face full of cake, "I'm just not doing it anymore." Light swooped down upon the detective and seized him by the collar of his sweater. They remained crowded close, crouched, noses barely an inch apart. The chocolate from L's sweater had started to press into Light's own shirt.
"I don't expect you to understand," L murmured. Then suddenly he had writhed out from Light's grip and wriggled upside down. In a flash, L sprung upwards, his leg extended like a cat's. Light felt something connect against his jaw with a sickening crack; a hot pain burst across the lower half of his face. He cried out and went careening backwards into the sofa behind them. L was yanked forward by the chain and, somehow, flew over Light's head with an even more impressive feat of speed, into the wall. The sofa tumbled onto its back with a crash. Misa had crawled under the coffee table for cover, where she remained, whimpering quietly.
"We were both playing an epic battle of Guess Who," L continued narrating calmly, as though the carnage around them had been a mere figment of the imagination. "I had just been about to knock down your last card and win, and then you - Kira - decided you didn't want to play anymore. So, back in the box the game went!" He wobbled to his feet, wiping the blood and chocolate from his face with his sleeve.
"So, I'm sorry that I haven't quite caught up with the rules of this new game. I guess it's Monopoly now right? Given that I've spent all my money and you still haven't gone to jail?"
"Stop -" Light grabbed at the chain to right his balance, pulling L over onto the floor. "- calling me Kira!"
L struggled up on his knees; his arms thrown around Light's waist.
"I will once you stop being Kira!"
"You are both such children!" Misa howled from under the table.
Light wheezed as the pair stumbled around blindly, almost tripping over the fallen sofa's legs. Upon the sideboard, Misa's phone began to ring shrilly, creating a cacophony against ABBA's Greatest Hits which had found its way into her shuffled mix. Misa reached out a shaking arm then, thinking better of it, shrank back into her hiding place.
Light grabbed at L's sweater and pulled at it hard; there came the sound of ripping fabric and the detective was propelled forward into the coffee table. A white sleeve fluttered to the cake-strewn carpet. Misa scurried out and threw herself under the side table just in time. Champagne glasses shattered and the bowl of fruit was thrown into the air. For a moment, L was left spreadeagled and winded upon his back. Then the tumbling strawberries pummeled his face like red, juicy pellets.
"You're ruining everything!" Misa screamed over the ringing telephone.
"Misa! Answer the damn phone!" Light roared.
"I will when you both stop!"
Light's hands found the remains of L's collar again, bringing the detective's face up to his own. He half-lifted L's slumped form against the wall. A strange intensity seemed to burn within L's dark and swollen eyes as Light pressed close enough to feel his quickened breath upon his face.
"Do. It." L mouthed slowly at him. The detective feebly lifted a bloody hand and pointed to his uninjured eye. Light drew back a fist, just as L rolled out from under him. His hand shot forward and smashed against the wall, leaving him on his knees, groaning in agony.
To add to his woes, there came a splutter from above them as the room's sprinkler system burst into life. Misa jumped back down from the sofa, a candle still in her hand. Water rained down from the ceiling, soaking through Light's shirt so the drenched material clung to his slight form. Kneeling behind him, L seized a handful of his hair, pushing down and then wrenching Light's head upwards so that his breath was in Light's ear.
"If you want me to stop... just say it."
Behind him, L's skin felt chilled and rain-soaked. His hair was wet against the back of Light's neck; Light could feel each droplet trickling down the collar of his shirt.
"S-say what?"
"Just say it. Say I am Kira, if you want me to stop." L's grip on Light's sodden hair tightened; Light uttered a small moan as artificial rain fell upon his upturned face. He set his mouth firmly, feeling a little blood ooze from a crack in his lip.
"Th-then I guess I don't want you to stop," he gasped.
"Guuuys! Cut it out!" came Matsuda's voice from the doorway. Flinging an arm protectively over his head, the young detective strode into the sitting room, gaping at the scene of devastation around him. The sofa was overturned; the walls were scuffed, and the coffee table lay in complete disarray, surrounded by broken glass and food. Misa had emerged at last to rage at L, who had not released Light quite quickly enough to avoid her retribution. The latter sank to the ground, rubbing the back of his head and wincing horribly. Water continued to cascade from the sprinklers, soaking the entire room and its occupants. All the while Matsuda stood, staring and slack-jawed in amazement.
"Boy, that escalated quickly," the young detective whistled.