A Time of Persistence in the Face of Despair
By CeilidhChaos
Summary:Theodore Nott is the Charms Professor at Hogwarts, its the fourteen year anniversary of the Battle there and he's about to do something that could 1 - destroy the timeline or 2 - get him sent to Azkaban forever. He's willing to take the risk.
Pairing: Theodore Nott/Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger
"Suffering is one very long moment. We cannot divide it by seasons. We can only record its moods, and chronicle their return. With us time itself does not progress. It revolves. It seems to circle round one center of pain." – Oscar Wilde
2 May 2012
The grey pre-dawn Scottish morning had a chill that could be felt biting into one's flesh. Theo's dark curls whipped around his face leaving stings in their wake. He didn't cast a warming charm because he wanted to feel the cold, wanted the physical pain to match the hurt in his soul. He carefully peeled his gloves off before running his hands over Hermione's name incised into the dark grey obelisk.
Hello love.
A quick bit of transfiguration, and he turned the matchsticks from his pocket into pink roses with sunshine orange tips. Theo placed the offering into the tiny stone vase to the right of her name after removing the flowers he'd left the week prior. He took his time arranging them just so, making sure that they looked just right.
Isn't that better my golden girl? How I miss your golden eyes and your bright mind.
He pulled up the collar of his grey peacoat, his green and silver scarf nestled around his throat. He ran his hand over his thirty-one year old face and wondered if she'd even recognize him now, with his beard and his grey tweed, his hair longer than she'd ever seen it in her short life, and the spectacles that sat low on his nose.
He ran his fingers over her name again and the empty space below it where "and her unborn child" ought to have been carved. There had been pressure from surviving members of the Order that had kept it off and the assumption that it had been a Weasley that was the father. To keep from there being a scandal of an unwed witch being with child, they'd decided to omit the fact that Hermione's child had died along with her.
Misassumption. I've spent 14 years wondering whether it was a daughter or a son that I've mourned. Questioning whether they would have had downy white locks or a riot of brown curls, their eyes like their mother's or their father's. The ache in his chest was like a stabbing pain all over again. He'd lost so much that day.
Circling the obelisk and going several rows down, Draco Malfoy was carved into the darker part of a stone, next to that of Severus Snape. Underneath both of their names the signifier, "Spy for the Light." There were no offerings here for either of the men who had risked their lives daily while living under the thumb of the Dark Lord. How easily they were forgotten for those they helped save in death. The roses he'd left last week had been stolen yet again.
"Scourgify," Theo breathed, wandlessly cleaning the grime off of Draco's name and vase. Unlike his beloved swot, no one else cleaned Draco's space.
Dragon, how I miss you. There's nothing I wouldn't give to even have your shadow for company. I knew nothing but shadows and I thought them to be real, as your favourite author wrote. Only now, nothing seems real, my beloved, without your silver eyes.
Theo slid deep black roses into Draco's vase and charmed them with a sticking charm, running his freezing fingertips over the petals trying to remember the way Draco's lips felt on his. He felt as though his grief was swallowing him under, but all the tears in his body had been drained out long ago. The sadness always settled in his chest, never going away.
"Professor Nott," a small voice behind surprised him, which caused him to turn and see a young boy with a shock of blue hair standing there holding two small nosegays of wildflowers.
"Good morning Mr. Lupin," Theo replied dryly. "Quite a surprise meeting you out here this early in the morning."
"Professor Nott," little third year Teddy Lupin looked at him in confusion, the meaning of the sarcasm escaping him. "Are you alright? We meet out here all the time and it's May 2nd. I think we both came extra early for the same reason." He cast his eyes over towards the pink light of the dawn starting to flood the sky. "Would you mind helping me put these flowers next to my parents' names?"
"Yes…of course," Theo breathed, deciding it was much too early to answer the young boy with anything other than a straight answer. "I'm quite alright. It's just hard to believe that it was fourteen years ago. Here, I'll lift you up." The designer of the memorial hadn't taken into consideration the children who would be mourning and Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks' names were given pride of place high up the monument. Their names next to the most famous losses that day, Ronald Weasley and, of course, Harry Potter. Hermione should have been up there as well, but the secret scandal had tainted her position, lowering her down with the other mere mortals that had died that day.
Theo slowly levitated the boy, holding onto his little ankles as he gently floated up. Teddy placed with such care the flowers he'd chosen into the vases, and Theo cast a sticking charm so that the Scottish wind wouldn't send the wildflowers flying. Theo kept him floating there for a few minutes and, as always, ignored it when hot wet tears fell from the angelic boy above as his fingers ran over his parents' names. If Theo could ignore that, he could surely ignore the tears that rolled down his own cheeks as well.
Lowering young Teddy to the ground, Theo surreptitiously touched his wedding band. The war had made orphans and widows of them all.
For us there is only one season, the season of sorrow. The very sun and moon seem taken from us. – Oscar Wilde
The time turner sat on the desk in his office, the candlelight glinting off the gold chain, and the precious charmed sand within the glass. He'd built it entirely from scratch and was certain that the device could do what he had designed it for. It would take him back fourteen years to the battle and give him the opportunity to save them, save them both.
If he could do it though, would they still want him? He wasn't the lean twink he had been at seventeen any longer, he was an adult man. Would they be disgusted by him? Was it disgusting how badly he craved them, craved their touch? If this worked, he would be twelve to fourteen years older than they would be.
He'd spent ten years working on this project. Developing the plan and researching cost him nearly six years of sleepless nights. Volumes upon volumes of personal journals sat charmed on one of his shelves. They would be unreadable to anyone else unless he died. He'd leave the office locked for the night while he went back to the battle and saved the loves of his life, his husband and his pregnant wife. And once he saved them, he would bring them back here to his present, to their future.
Merlin, I hope they don't hate me for what I am about to do, but I have worked too hard and too long to give up with success in my grasp. I can only hope they will understand. I can't save them and then leave them to age like I have. They are too high profile, they'd change the whole timeline.
He especially did not want Hermione to deal with the anti-Muggleborn backlash that had happened after the war. Gods, she'd have been devastated by that development. Salazar knew he had been.
Theo dropped a cloth over the time turner, obscuring it from view as he heard the door swinging open. Theo looked up to see Blaise standing in the doorway, still clad in his dragonhide flying clothes. The look of consternation on the face of his best mate made Theo scowl.
"Professor Zabini, how can I help you?" Theo's frown darkened as Blaise dropped into the chair in front of his desk, "Oh please have a seat."
"Fuck off Theo. You are killing yourself. You haven't eaten in the Great Hall in days. You look like you haven't slept in a year. I know Draco was your best mate, but you have to stop messing with this time turner. He's fucking gone, mate, you can't change the past."
Theo spun his wedding ring on his finger, finally having removed the notice-me-not charms. "It was far more than that," he said as Blaise's eyes landed on the band.
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin
29 June 1997
The towering piles of treasures and broken items in the room were eerie in the low light in which they had been working. Theo caught Draco's eyes over Hermione's head as she cried into the blonde's chest. The vanishing cabinet was finally repaired, their months of shared labour successful at last. Tomorrow night Draco would let the Death Eaters into the castle and kill Albus Dumbledore, all because he must due to the madman living in his home. There was no other choice, not if he wanted Narcissa to live.
They had had plenty of time this year together, despite Potter's constant stalking of Draco and then nearly murdering him a few weeks ago as well. Theo and Hermione had worked on the cabinet ceaselessly when they hadn't been sneaking into the hospital wing to place feather light kisses on his sleeping brow and making sure that he was healing properly. As much as they all wanted to delay this moment, they knew it was inevitable.
And now their time was up. They would soon be separated for who knew how long.
"Mia, love," Theo whispered into her righteous curls, "Draco and I have a question to ask you." Hermione pulled back just enough from where her tears had left dampness on Draco's black jumper, and gasped in shock. She finally let go of Draco as Theo first dropped to his knees, followed only a moment after by Draco. Theo pulled out a black heart-shaped box and opened it, showing the teardrop black opal engagement ring that had belonged to Draco's great-grandmother Rosier.
"Hermione Jean Granger," Draco whispered as he looked up into her glittering golden eyes, using her full name as he did so rarely, causing her breath to catch as her hands lifted to cover her mouth. "You are our everything, will you do us the honour of becoming our wife?"
Hermione dropped to her knees as well, wrapping her arms around the two of them, a sob first coming from her before, "Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes." Draco carefully took the ring from the box and smiled as he slid the ring onto her left ring finger, placing a kiss to her palm as soon as the goblin-made ring formed perfectly to her size. Theo leaned forward and took her lips, tasting the salt of her tears.
A knock sounded on the Room of Hidden Things' door and Theo jumped up to answer it.
"That will be Blaise." Theo rushed to let their witness in.
"Blaise?" Hermione asked behind him.
"Time is limited my love," Draco murmured, kissing the bride-to-be. "Is it alright if our engagement is short?"
"How short?"
"About fifteen minutes, give or take."
Hermione's peals of laughter rang through the silent room. "I think that is just long enough, beloved."
"Well that's good! Because the witness is here! Mia bellissima," Blaise smiled deeply, and kissed the bride-to-be on the cheek, "I am so happy you will finally make honest men of these two, la mia adorabile amica."
"Zabini," Hermione smacked him on the shoulder, affectionately, "They will still be Slytherins. Una signora può fare solo così tanto."
Blaise smiled ear to ear, "All these years of Italian lessons are starting to pay off, I always knew I liked her." He said looking over at Draco, giving him a wink, "After the war we all must go to Italy and you can be in charge of all the communications, bella."
Hermione snorted, and Theo couldn't help but smile at the easy camaraderie between her and their best mate. Blaise was the only person who knew about their triad, so it only made sense that he would act as their one witness.
"Am I getting married in my school uniform? What about an officiant? How will this even work?" Ah, there was his swot. Salazar, how he loved her, Theo thought.
Draco smiled, transfiguring both his and Theo's clothes into perfect dress robes, but pulled out a box from his pocket for Hermione. He tapped it with the tip of his wand, enlarging it before holding it out towards his witch, "This is for you, love. Go around the corner and open it." Hermione grabbed the box and dashed around the corner after giving both grooms a peck on their cheeks.
Theo shot Draco a questioning look.
Draco smiled, "Wait for it." He put his hand up and lowered the fingers slowly one at a time, by the time he got to two, Hermione's squeal rang through the room.
Minutes later, she returned wearing a floor length white gown, a waterfall of black opals on her chest mirroring the sweetheart neckline. She'd used beauty charms: her lips now deep red, her eyelids lightly sparkling, her wild curls controlled into large ringlets. She was a vision. Even Blaise, who preferred wizards, whistled low at the bride.
"Now what's this about an officiant?" Hermione asked, but was interrupted by a knock at the vanishing cabinet and then it opened to reveal a statuesque woman with short Malfoy blonde locks. Her pale blue wizarding robes were perfectly tailored and she bowed elegantly to the trio.
"Am I late? I had to confundus that awful man at the shop," her thick French accent and glowing smile were calming, not something that you would typically find on a Malfoy.
"Cousin Vivienne," Draco grinned, pulling her in for a tight hug before releasing her, "Thank you for coming. Is everything set to register the marriage in France?"
The woman raised an eyebrow that asked whether he had really just questioned her competency. "Yes, and I have already bribed the appropriate officials to keep the documents confidential. My rank at the French Ministry does have its perks."
"And how will you keep the Dark Lord from learning of us, " Hermione asked nervously, twisting her hands in front of her, "He's a master legilimens."
"Ah," Vivienne's grin became toothsome and a bit feral, "legilimency doesn't work on werewolves, and besides I will be back in Paris before Monsieur Riddle ever knows that I was in England, well now Scotland."
A werewolf. Draco's French cousin was a werewolf. Bloody Malfoys.
"But time is short," Vivienne's smile this time was kinder, "I see we have ze witness. Let us do ze binding, blood?"
"I want a soulbonding," Hermione interrupted.
"Mia," Theo said, startled, "are you sure?"
"That's forever, love," Draco murmured, coming close to her, running his hand down her cheek.
"Do you two not want me forever?"
"Of course we do," Theo reassured her, Draco nodded as well, "And we will happily soulbond with you if it is what you want."
"It is," Hermione said with a confidence that only she could possess. With her gown swishing as she turned back to Vivienne she smiled and nodded her head in confirmation that the soulbond it was going to be.
The ceremony was swift. Vivienne cast the spells to bind them quickly and non-verbally, her enchanted blade slicing each of their palms.
"Do you Hermione Jean Granger, Draco Lucius Malfoy and Theodore Tiberius Nott take one another in matrimony and agree to be bound by blood and soul for all time?"
Their three hands came together, their blood mingling, the strands of their magical cores twirling around each other, Draco's silver, Hermione's golden and Theo's aquamarine. Theo pulled a ring from his pocket and slid it on to Draco's hand, as Draco did the same for him. Then Theo slid Hermione's wedding band next to her engagement ring.
"We do." They said in unison and the magic swirled around their hands, then wrapped around each of them. Theo let out a shocked exhale as he felt Hermione's joy and anxiety and Draco's love and fear in his chest like they were part of him. Though, they really were now. Theo kissed each of them lingeringly and then smiled as Draco and Hermione kissed one another.
"The binding is cast. Nothing can sunder it. Neither Death nor desire. You three are one, forever." With that Vivienne cast an episkey on their bleeding hands and pulled out a small book upon which she cast an engorgio. "Now the newly married and the witness must sign the register." She conjured a quill from a hair pin and they each signed, Blaise the final signatory with a smile. "You have twenty-four hours to consummate the marriage for the final binding, but with things the way they are, I would suggest not waiting." And after a cheek kiss for each of the newly married trio, without another word, Vivienne was gone, back through the vanishing cabinet in which she had appeared.
"Alright then," Blaise said smiling, "Just one thing left."
"What's that?" Draco asked, "Besides the consummation? Which you are absolutely not staying to witness."
"You need to obliviate me." Blaise's smile turned sad.
"What?"
"It's not safe for me to know about the three of you and I'm shite at occlumency. You need to erase everything. I can't know about the last two and a half years at all. No catching you three after Yule Ball. No Italian lessons. No running interference with Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle. None of it."
"Blaise, please don't ask for this," Hermione whispered, reaching out to touch his cheek. "I don't want to lose one of my best friends."
"Hermione," he smiled back sadly. "I refuse to be the reason any of you die. I couldn't live with it, with myself. Let me do this, please. I appreciate the honour of being the witness for your wedding. Even if I can't remember it, it's something that can never really be taken away from me, because it'll always live in here," the Italian wizard said, tapping his chest where his heart resided.
Tears dripped down Hermione's beautiful face, she nodded her head and whispered with a quivering lip, "Obliviate."
Memory is the diary that chronicles things that never have happened and couldn't possibly have happened. - Oscar Wilde
2 May 2012
As he looked down where Theo was fiddling with his hand, Blaise noticed the ring for the first time since Theo had removed the charm earlier that morning. "What's that?"
"My wedding ring."
"You're not married."
"I am. You were the witness. My ring had a notice-me-not on it until this morning, but I promise you, I'm married or widowed, if you want to be technical."
There was a moment in the office where the silence was oppressive, before eyes flashing Blaise cried out, "You fucking obliviated me!"
"You asked us to. Actually, Hermione did it, she was the best at memory charms out of the three of us after all."
"Theo, you'd better start explaining right now. What does Granger have to do with this? Three of whom? Theo, I swear to Salazar, I will have Parkinson confine you to the hospital wing for you to sleep if that's what it takes to get you to make sense."
"Draco, Hermione, and I were married via soulbond. The night before Drake let the Death Eaters into the castle."
"Sixth year?" Blaise's face turned ashen before he began shaking his head, "No, you were only sixteen. You can't get married at sixteen."
"You can, with a soulbond when it's to your soulmate or in our case, soulmates. You can and we fucking did. Drake's cousin from the French ministry did the ceremony and you were our witness in the Room of Requirement. After we were bonded, you asked us to obliviate you, because it was too dangerous for anyone to know."
"Theo...I don't know what to say…" Blaise whispered, looking from the ring on Theo's finger into his eyes and back at the ring again.
"You can start by giving up the idea that I'll ever stop trying to get them back."
"Theo…"
"No, Blaise. They're my soulmates. The moment they died, I felt a piece of myself break and I knew, without even seeing their bodies, that they were gone. My world irrevocably changed that day, and I'll be damned if I ever give up on them. I can't, I'm incomplete without them and we were soul-bonded. I can't be with anyone else, even if I wanted to, which I don't. I'd move heaven and earth to get them back, and even if it means breaking the timeline, I will if I have to and it would be worth it."
"If you succeed with this madness, they'll be seventeen to your thirty-one, Theo. Your relationship, marriage I guess, isn't going to be as it was. You're a different person than you were when they were alive. The world is different."
"They'll adapt. Hermione was eighteen, nineteen really. She horribly overused a time turner in our third year. Draco would have been eighteen in just a few more weeks. They'll both be adults at least."
"Granger. Had. A. Time. Turner? At Thirteen? For what? No, don't tell me, I bet it was to take every class offered."
Ignoring Blaise's question, Theo continued, "If I die attempting this it was worth it, but you are my heir and get all my things. I wish I could give you your memories back, but I can't. If I get Hermione back here in one piece, she'll give you your memories back."
"How many memories are we talking about here, Theo?"
"Oh...about two years worth."
"Fourth year!? And I knew? The whole time?" Blaise said, sitting upright, his jaw dropping open looking a bit comical in his surprise.
"Yeah, you sort of caught us making out during the Yule Ball. We weren't exactly that good at being stealthy that first snog," Theo explained, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he stood to pick up the time turner.
"And I kept it a secret? The whole time?" Blaise came around, now inspecting the fragile-looking turner in Theo's hand as Theo carefully manoeuvred it.
"Hermione adored you as much as we did. As I do. Who else would have been our child's godfather?" Theo asked, sneaking a glance towards Blaise as his eyebrows raised into his hairline.
"Child… Dear Gods, Granger was pregnant when she died. That baby wasn't Weasley's." Blaise dropped back into a seat and put his head in his hands. "The pain you've lived with... and I never knew…"
"You couldn't have, and I didn't want to risk your mind by botching your memories," Theo explained, putting a comforting hand on Blaise's shoulder.
"You could have said something," Blaise's voice came out in a hoarse whisper, his eyes still not meeting Theo's.
"I did, when I said I was building a time turner and getting them back."
"You didn't tell me 'til last year…" Blaise trailed off.
"Well, you didn't take over for Hooch here till then, before that it was easy to hide what I was doing from you. I didn't want you to think I'd gone mad."
"Why are you telling me all of this now?" Blaise asked, finally meeting Theo's gaze, tears brimming his thick lashes, already anticipating the answer.
"It's the anniversary of the battle tonight and the memorial ball. I'm going then."
"And you need me to cover for you?"
"Yes. And if I don't make it back… then my will is in my drawer. I've named you my heir, and tell Narcissa that I'm sorry I failed."
"Lady Malfoy is in on this madness?"
Theo nodded, looking solemnly at his best mate.
"Fuck."