Chapter 6:
Mature, Professional, and Rational
Lily Evans paused before entering the quaint muggle coffee shop, smoothing her windblown hair down nervously. Was she really going to do this? She bit her lip as a wave of self consciousness hit her.
She surveyed her appearance in the window of the shop and frowned. Earlier, before she left her flat, she had felt so confident, but now, everything felt wrong. Her dark blue jumper contrasted sharply with her red hair, causing her normally pale skin to take on a rather pasty hue. Her smile seemed too forced. The cute white headband holding her hair back, which before looked stylish and quaint, now made her feel childish and stupid. She averted her eyes from the window, taking a deep breath.
After getting over the shock of seeing him, and realizing that yes, Dumbledore had indeed assigned them to work together, Lily decided (after several large bars of Honeydukes finest chocolate, and many vigorous cleaning expeditions) that in order for her to keep her composure while working with him, she must act mature, professional, and rational. No loud, overly emotional outbursts. No foolish remarks. No discussion of the past.
She decided that they should meet someplace neutral. Not her apartment, not any of the pubs they used to frequent. Someplace without memories where they couldn't be heard and wouldn't be noticed.
A bell tingled, signaling her arrival, and the palms of her hands began to sweat, as her bright green eyes roamed the room. At the back corner of the shop, he sat, back facing her. Forcing a pleasant sort of expression on her face, she walked to the small table, trying to push away any nervous thoughts. The room was thankfully quite loud, full of many conversations, everyone not paying any attention to the redhead's approach.
" Hello James." She said his name smoothly, pulling out the chair opposite to him, sitting down, and found herself able to smile at him as she would an acquaintance. He stiffened slightly at her voice, but didn't lift his eyes off the muggle newspaper spread out on the table before him as he muttered a greeting. They were saved from making any other small talk by the waitress which showed up to take their order. Her light brown hair was pulled up messily into a ponytail, some strands falling out, and Lily couldn't help but notice her eyes brighten and a small smile curve her lips once she saw James.
"What can I get for you?" He turned to look at her.
"One coffee. Black, Please." She nodded, scribbling it down on her notepad.
"Anything else?"
"Nope." He said, popping the p.
"What about you?"
"I'd like a coffee also, with cream, and four spoons of sugar, and one blueberry muffin." The waitress nodded her head, ponytail bobbing, as she wrote it down hurriedly in her notepad, before walking away. Lily glanced back at the messy, black haired man across from her, now back to reading the paper. His leg bounced up and down, and Lily smiled at the familiarity.
"So," She couldn't contain herself, "when did you start drinking black coffee?" The James she knew had a horrific sweet tooth. He couldn't stand the taste of coffee and had always ordered tea and plopped in 5 sugar cubes. His head jerked up from the paper. He looked at her for a beat, face carefully clear of emotion.
"I've gotten used to it. That's really the only thing they have at the office." He almost smiled, Lily could tell.
"Why this place?" He was still looking at her, steadily, calmly. Lily didn't feel calm. For the first time in years, they were sitting at the same table. They were looking at each other. Talking even. This close, she could see his stubble, an old quidditch scar cutting through his right eyebrow-how had she forgotten that? She cleared her throat.
"It's close to home. Loud enough. I like their muffins here." James nodded and looked down at the newspaper. Lily glanced at it-no moving pictures. A muggle one then. The front page: Now you see them, now you don't: The British Birds at Risk. Was he really reading that?
The waitress returned, balancing a tray with their coffee and her muffin in one hand. Smiling at James, she set his cup on the edge of his newspaper, and then placed Lily's down absentmindedly, nearly forgetting her muffin. She turned around and ran into another waiter, plates and glasses crashing onto the floor. Both Lily and James tensed up at the sudden sound: Lily slid her wand out of her sleeve, and James reached for his wand in his pocket. Lily's heart pounded until she saw both waiters get up off the floor and heard them laugh. She felt herself relax, and looked across the table at James, smiling.
" Do you remember our first head meeting?" Lily couldn't resist asking it. Everything about this reminded her of it. Both of them, nervous and a little awkward, extremely polite. James with a straight tie for once. They didn't relax with each other till James accidentally set off one of Zonko's fireworks. It startled them both so much that they thought they had been attacked at first, and Lily shot a spell that ended up catching the Prefect patrol schedule on fire.
James looked back at her—his eyes were wide, his wand hand, she noticed, trembling. His wand was still pointed out. He looked at her, but didn't seem to see her. She started rambling:
" Remember? Zonko's fireworks? And then you helped me put out the Patrol schedule, and we had to stay up till 2 am in the morning just so we could finish—"
"Enough, "James cut her off, "I can't—," he took a deep breath and tried again, his voice returning to its business-like tone: "Look, what I mean is we should just make our plans. I can't stay long—I have to finish some transfer paperwork at the Ministry later. We need to put together a list of names for Dumbledore." He continued, trying to casually put his wand away. His hand shook so much that it took him several tries.
"James," Lily paused, her words coming out carefully, "are you okay? Dumbledore said that—"
"I'm fine, Evans! Let's just get this done with. Names?" He cut her off again. His "Evans" wasn't said with familiarity, with playfulness. It was a sharp edged reminder to back off.
"Right. I was thinking of Sirius, Marlene, Remus, of course. I would say Benji, but he's pretty stressed with work right now. Hestia Jones is an Oblivator—I think she's joined us after you, er left. She could be really helpful with this case. Dorcas can't because of her job—she's been out on a mission for a month now. Frank and Gid—" She spoke quickly, trying to find her footing, trying to regain some of the ease they established earlier.
"No, not Gideon or Frank." Lily had to take a deep breath. Mature, professional, rational. She reminded herself silently before speaking.
"Why? Frank is brilliant, and Gideon is one of our best duelers."
"They're too attached to the situation to think clearly." James spoke slowly, now almost bored, like he was attempting to explain something to a 6 year old. Lily bristled at the tone and had to count backwards from 10 to stop herself from yelling.
"I disagree. Because they are so close to the situation, they're more motivated. They need to do something. I'm sure you saw them at the meeting. They need something to hang on to." Lily squeezed her cup tightly in her hands. James ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm not saying—the fact of the matter is, Evans, because they are more emotionally involved in this, in high stress situations, they will be irrational, act brashly, and think only with their emotions. Do you want that? Or do you want a fighter who stops, assess the circumstances, and comes up with a plan, regardless of how they feel?"
"Sometimes you need to act quickly and trust your instincts. Sometimes you don't have time for a plan, and you just have to react and wing it. I would've thought that you of all people would understand that! Don't you have some experience with this already? And what about that? Aren't you too close to the situation? Can you be rational and unattached—" She lost control and her voice had gradually increased.
"It doesn't seem like we are going to be able to make this decision today. Why don't you owl me later with your suggestions when you have cooled off, and we will go from there. I'll talk to Dumbledore and..." He spoke quietly, but Lily could hear the anger in his voice. She stared at this man infront of her, with his impassive expression and forced indifference. This was not the James Potter she knew. The James Potter she knew would've yelled back. The James Potter she knew wouldn't have even been arguing this point. This wasn't him. This was a cold, clinical, miserable stranger in his place.
"You know what?" She interrupted him this time, "I didn't expect for us to be good mates or to even be all that friendly today, but I thought that we could at the least be civil and treat each other with respect! You've changed James." Lily stood up from the table while James returned to study the newspaper, a stoic expression on his face. "And another thing: You left. You left, and I stayed. Unlike you, I've actually spoken with these people in the past year. I think I know them well enough to decide who should be on this team. So no, I won't owl you my "suggestions". Why don't you send an owl for once? Or have you forgotten how communication works?" She didn't wait for his reaction; she didn't even look at him.
Good for you! You deserve to leave first, she told herself as she left the coffee shop. You should feel fantastic—she told herself as she apparated back to her flat, and summoned herself a sleeping draught.
But even after she drank the potion and drifted off to sleep, she couldn't forget the way James looked at her after the waitresses dropped the dishes: wide eyed, lost and panicked.
James Potter watched Lily Evans leave. He was grateful for the Muffliato charm he had placed around their table, but it didn't stop the curious stares of the people around him. He glanced down at the newspaper, his untouched cup of coffee—worthless props—and rubbed his face tiredly. Placing some muggle money down on the table and snatching up the muffin, he walked out, reassuring himself that he did the right thing. He couldn't go there again. This was only temporary.