"You're here for your first pokemon?"
He scribbles something on his clipboard while I'm digging in my nose.
Picking your nose in front of people is okay. Self care is more important than anything. I guess that's why I'm here.
Also for my first pokemon.
"Yes," I say, flicking my booger at one of the more expensive looking machines, but in all earnestness, it's hard to gauge what that really is from outside the industry. "Also self care is more important than anything."
"Excuse me?"
"What part did you not understand? I can go over it with you delicately if need be."
He stares at me for a moment before returning to the safety of his clipboard. "No, thank you, it's fine. I'll manage." Coward. "What kind of pokemon are you interested in."
"What's the sexiest pokemon you have? Alternatively, I'd like to look at the most sexual, but please, don't confuse the two. This is two different attributes we're talking about here."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm assuming you're confused about the difference between sexy and sexual. That one gets people. I'll explain more delicately."
"No, I-"
"Please, I insist. Sexy is like physically hot, like sexy, like Lucario. That ass, tho."
"I'm gonna have to ask you to-"
"Please, Professor, let me finish. Honestly you should know this shit already, like what the fuck do they teach you in school. Anyway. Sexual is like in tune with their sexuality. Now, they aren't mutually exclusive, as degrees of sexual can be an important factor in sexiness. Confidence, like. But you can be timid and sexy too, so that doesn't make it a necessary factor. That's why I'd prefer to see both."
"Are you seriously coming in here telling me you're going to fuck your first pokemon and expecting to walk out of here with one?"
"Now, now, Professor. Answer me this - is fucking pokemon illegal if it's consensual?"
He sighs, visibly frustrated. This is one of my favorite parts of getting off, the frustration. "Not in Kanto."
"God bless these lest developed communities, am I right? Now, I would never fuck this pokemon without consent, but I may trade it for one who would, so it'll need to be somewhat valued."
"I have a Cyndaquil."
"I think you misunderstood me when I said hot. I meant physically attractive. Are you even trying, Professor?"
"I don't know," he snaps, "I'm not attracted to pokemon you sick fuck."
"You have no right to judge me, Professor. It's 2020, and in case you haven't noticed, love wins."
"You have no idea how much damage you're causing people with real problems by saying that."
"Yeah, I don't really care. Tell me, do you have a Garbodor?"
"You're telling me you want to stick your dick in a sentient pile of bagged trash."
"Yeah dude," I say, winking. "Self care is very important."