_
May does butt stuff, unlike that bitch Misty

Ash picks up the plastic container and shows it to May.
Nervously, he says "wh-what about this one?"

May smiles with her eyes closed. "It's super cute!"

"R-really?" asks Ash.

"Yeah! We should get it!"

"Okay..." Ash says, blushing. "Anything else you wanna get?"

"I think we're set for now," she says, kissing him on the cheek. "Go pay, and meet me outside okay?"

Ash nods, his nose bleeding like a pervert. He catches the sensation of his own fluids leaking from his face and he tries to wipe it away on the back of his glove, but really he just smears it into his glove and his face.
When he thinks he's good, which he isn't, he walks up to the cashier, still red as the handprints we collectively left on XCABAL'S mom's sweet ass last night.

The cashier starts to giggle when she sees him but stops herself. "Is this your first time here?"
It's a lady, which is much less threatening his mind than if a gay, or a Mexican worked there or something.
Still, he's nerviose.

"H-how did you know?"

Her expression is motherly, and her laugher is suppressed. "I have my ways," she says. She examines the pack and whistles. "The Eevee Furtails and Furtail Buttplug Kit. You know this is made with real Eevee parts, yeah? That's why it's so expensive."

"Y-yeah, it says so on the box," Ash says.

"You know, if you have a boner, that booth over there takes quarters."

"I don't have any quarters," Ash blurts out before correcting himself, "I mean boners. Someone's waiting for me outside. A girl, I mean, a woman."

"Sure kid," she says, taking his Japan dollars and making change. Stuffing his real Eevee ears and real Eevee tail attached to a buttplug and a headband, reverse respectively into a black sack and handing it to him. "Maybe next time."

"Maybe!" he says, his nose bleeding again. He'd correct himself, but it's too late. He does it anyway. "Never!"

He runs out of the shop and he hopes she didn't hear either of those things. It was very embarrassing the way he interacted with the clerk at The Dong Song just there, and to be honest, he's gonna think about it on and off for the next month or so, and occasionally for the rest of his life. It will subtly add to the many things his brain uses to torture him and make him hate himself until he dies a very painful and horrific death at the hands of a stranger.

He walks outside and kneels by his Pikachu, who is dehidrated. "Pika pika," the Pikachu says, sweating.

"It's okay, Pikachu. I am sorry I left you out here but you are not old enough to enter the porn store and that's why I left you out here. I'm sorry."

"Pika pika," he says, weakly. His Pikachu, I mean.

Ash unlocks the bike lock keeping the choke chain in place in such a way that kept people from stealing his Pikachu, but unfortunately left his Pikachu very uncomfortable.

He nurses his Pikachu with a water bottle until Pikachu drinks the whole thing. He burps his Pikachu and sets him on his shoulder like a parrot, but instead of a Parrot it's a Pikachu.

They meet May on a bench and she's fanning herself. It's classy or classic, Ash thinks to himself. He can't remember, which is something that he also thinks to himself. This will bother him until he figures it out. He meant classy, for your information.

"Hey May, it's May Day," he says, reaching into his backpack and giving her a Mayflower. It's probably sexual. "May I have a Say?"
Ash starts to kneel down on one knee like he's kneeling. Like a knight or a man about to propose.

But May stops him and that is the end of his proposal. I mean, uh. Theoretical proposal. It hasn't happened yet and I didn't mean to spoil what he was doing so I'm sorry, please don't think about the fact that he may or may not have been proposing even though he probably was, okay? Okay, thank you.

So anyway, May says "look at that! We should go see a movie!" she says pointing at the theater across the street. "Butt Wars Episode I The Fintum Anus!"

"Phantom," you say, correcting her because she's still a woman and sometimes she gets things wrong. That's okay, Ash thinks to himself. Reddit might not like women getting things wrong, but he was okay with it. That's how he was better than those people, he thought to himself again.

In the movie, For Fit Ambien did a lightsaber on some kind of queer with four arms or something, and it was pretty cool, Ash would guess. He didn't like FartBart Blackface, though. He thought it was weird that he kept saying stuff like "meesa like being slave to white people! Me tell nobody about sloppyglops!"

Ash wasn't sure what any of that meant, but he thought it might be racist.

For Fit Ambien whittled a strange tentacle creature, and SoftlGlop StartClop was behaving like a filthy animal. It was gross, and you probably don't want to know the details but I will give them to you anyway.

"Didn't you know my filth is a weapon!" SoftGlop StartClop said, having sex with a pony. "Didn't you know this would happen!"

"We did not," the police said, as they took him to jail. And then the credits rolled.

Ash leaves the theater feeling empty, but May seemed pleased.

"Did you see that part about how FartFart Chicken made a stinky he slipped in?" she says giggling.

"Yeah," Ash says and thinks about how to handle this small section of his life. "His name was FartBart Blackface, he's the one who steps in the poopy and falls over a bunch of times."

"Gross," May says. "Why would you tell me that?"

"I-it was in the movie! Back me up, Pikachu."

"Pika pika," Pikachu says while thinking about the smell of farts. Why do they smell that way? Pikachu wants to know. "Pika pika." Pikachu says.

"You can't blame it on your Pikachu when you want to get gross."

"That's fair."

"You've got to admit what a disgusting little boy you are, okay? Forever. Or else I'm not going to love you."

"Why not?" Ash asks.

May thinks for a moment. "Because if you aren't a man, you probably don't like women. You probably want to have filthy sex with men. And I don't want to say how disgusting I find that, because it might get my career in trouble and make it seem like I'm homophobic or something, but I do think it's gross and I don't think I want to associate with people who are gross or gay or whatever. Or whatever."

Ash just stares at her in shock for a few minutes. "Did Judd Apatow write this?"

"God, I hope not," May says, collecting herself from bad writing. "Hey, let's go over there!" she says, pointing.

She's pointing to the Grilled Pizza part of a building, which is exactly what it sounds like. Their slogan is "we grill it until it's good!"

It wasn't particularly good. May assumed it was because they had a new griller. Ash assumed it was because the restaurant sucked.
May fed Ash a peppermint on the way out. It was super cute, and you audibly said 'awh' out loud when you saw it happen in your brain.

They walk down the street holding hands and as a reader I kind of require you to find that cute. I don't care if you ship May and Ash in real life, or MAsh as I like to call it, but please support it while you are reading this fic okay? I worked really hard on this and I want you to find it cute and if you don't please at least pretend it is your ship okay? Like, for the sake of the fic? Okay thanks! You promised by reading to this point so please because of karma read this the best way you can support this fic is by leaving a positive review or theoretically your family could die because of karma. Okay?! Okay!

Anyway, they're super cute together as they walk into the Grilled Pizza. This is actually their second time there, and that's why this part is in present tense and why the last part was in past tense.

This time, both of their pizzas are grilled too much, and burnt throughout.

"I don't like the taste of Ash in my mouth," Ash says, spitting it out on the plate. It was gross and he didn't want to eat anymore. "I don't want to eat this," he says into the public. The public is his girlfriend and his waiter.

His waiter is a curvy rabbit girl like Judy Hopps but hotter and he name is Layla Bunny. Or Lola. I can't remember. But she's hot and she wears a basketball suit, Ash thinks to himself. Like the kind of outfit you play while playing basketball, not a suit that is colored like or shaped like a basketball, or some oddball PC mandation of the two. Ash also thinks to himself.

"My name is Ash, I have a girlfirend, her name is May, she is sitting across from me and I love her, may I have the chicken waffles." He says. He puts the menu down and looks May in the eye. He assumes he has done it perfect.

"And you?"

"I want you to hit him," May says, digging in her back pocket. "I want you to hit him as hard as you can. Then I want you to tell him chicken waffles isn't right. You serve chicken AND waffles, not chicken waffles. Say that and you get Five Japanese Dollars. Don't say that, and I won't even let him tip."

Ash looks up at her with teary eyes and says "please give me my chicken waffles I'll pay you whatever you want."

But the sexy waitress doesn't see any of his pros beating his cons so she belts him in the face. "It's chicken AND waffles you worthless duumbfart! I'll give you a peppermint if you stop being so effeminate and that's all you're gonna get!"

"I won't be no girl!" Ash promises and as promised, the waitress brings her a peppermint.

"Thank you!" Ash says, looking to May for approval. She nods. "For my peppermint!" he continues.

The waitress is confused and she walks away.

"I like breathing," Ash says, really cutely with big green eyes.

"You may keep breathing," May says, smiling back. "You may have another peanut."

Ash claps and closes his eyes and opens his mouth.
May fires it into his nose, which it bounces off of.
Ash is very clearly disappointed. He opens his eyes and closes his mouth.

"May I dig the peanut out of this stinky vinyl seat or find it on the floor and still eat it please?" Ash asks.

"No you may not," May says, wiping the tea from the corners of her mouth with a personal napkin, and not a filthy community napkin like a dog, or Ash. "I may want to kiss you later, so you'd better eat another peppermint or I'm going to hit you in the face again."

Ash was both hungry and didn't want to get hit in the face but he was proud of himself for the former so the latter didn't come into question.
May lets him ride up front because he's a good boy, all the way up to the woods. When she lets him out at the campsite, he hops out eagerly and his Pikachu follows him.

"Pika pika!" the Pikachu says! "Pika pika!"

They all laugh because what the Pikachu said was funny. But May told Ash to get back in the car without his clothes, his backpack or his Pikachu.

"Get back into the car, but before you do, please take off all your clothes, and leave your backpack and your Pikachu."

"Why?" Ash asks, his body language indicating confusion. "I thought we are going camping."

"We are," May says, throwing him the box of authentic Eevee ears attached to a headband and an authentic Eevee tail attached to an authentic silicon buttplug. "You gotta put this on and in you if you want front seat."

Ash didn't see this coming. Or maybe he did, and he was just blocking it out. He takes off his clothing bits one piece of clothing at a time and folds them neatly on the bench. Ash then puts the ears on, his hands shaking, and puts the buttplug inside of himself. His asshole did it when he did it with his own snot and so did he. Quivered, I mean.

He crawled into all fours and hopped up into the seat, staying on all fours but avoiding Butt Disruptance like a good little slut.
She drived up the road and made sure he hit his head on the windshield a few times. She made a note in her personal pocketbook to charge him for the cracks in his windshield. It was a pretty good scam, but when she let him out in the middle of nowhere, she drove up a mile and got eaten by a bear.

But she had told him to crawl out of the car on all fours and that's what he did. Through the muck and through the grime, and through the poison ivy sometimes. But once he got his body completely covered in that stuff, he crawled up to the road, and dealt with the skin that broke until he got back to the campsite.

He has an orgasm when he seas his clothes neatly stacked by the log bench by the unlit fire. "May! Thank you for carrying out with me my sexual fantasy!"
Ash says that as he stuffs his clothes under and his hat around the Eevee headband and Eevee buttplug respectively.

He's the perfect, fully clothed Eevee Ash with his knees and elbows bleeding when he stands up, but May is nowhere to be found. She was supposed to pop out of a bush wearing a caveman outfit and wielding a club but she doesn't.

Instead, crickets chirp.

"Pika, pika." the Pikachu says, dehydrated again. "Pika pika."

Ash digs around in his backpack while i'ts still on him before taking it off and setting it by his logseat before digging out the water and key. He feeds the Pikachu water and unlocks his neck from the tightly fashioned choke chain with his bike lock and knee blood.
Pikachu hops up to the log bench to see. Then hops up to Ash's shoulder to see better. Ash has a boner, he has this whole time.

"Hey!" he says, trying to be sexy and scared, instead of just scared. "Who are you there in the bushes see! I demand you come out and identify yourself immediately!"

He came out of the bushes, but he didn't identify himself immediately. Instead, the smooth action of his gun echoes throughout the forest. As Ash's and Pikachu's eyes widen, another crack echoes throughout the forest, and Pikachu falls off his shoulder like when you set a stuffed animal there and it has no agency, so it just falls to the floor. Ash begins to scream and the cocking of the stranger's weapon repeats and his knee explodes, like a watermelon full of C4 when someone shoots at at it. This person being the stranger.

The Stranger pulls his dick out from what looks like his pants but really it was the shadows. His pants were already off. He ejaculates as he moves forward, and he steps in it, which is gross, and he should feel ashamed of that.

Ash is screaming when the stranger approaches him, putting his hands on his hips. He makes Ash scream louder when he picks up a log which was initially meant for sitting and brings it down on his useless legs again and again until he's sure that moving at all is the most painful thing Ash has ever experienced.

The stranger picks up the dead Pikachu and begins strangling it, throttling it, really. "Who are you?! Why did you make god sad!"

"Please," Ash says. "Please, whatever you're doing, just stop. "You're scaring me."

The stranger seems to be muttering to himself while massaging his cock. Ash tries to escape, but before he knows it lightnig strikes the campfire and the cum his attacker makes sizzles.

Ash Ketchum screams loudly into the night. Can we all agree that no gender is attached to cruelty? Like could you put down your wounded pride for a second and realize that men are just as often if not more often cruel than women? Are you seriously that ashamed of yourself that the rejection you got from women is worse than this in your imagination? Seriously, though, grow up. You're better than this and if you blame women for your problems then I think you're disgusting? Stop it. Seriously. Fucking stop it.

Pikachu is getting his eyes gouged out with an icecream scoop and Ash is suffocating with your feral saliva dripping into his eye. And it's your fault, seriously. For being shitty. Please stop.