Tony had not slept very well that night, constantly turning the possibilities back and forth in his mind. He had not gotten an alert from his AI, so he assumed that either Clint had intercepted Natasha on her way downstairs or that she had just gone to bed as she said she would. The latter seemed unlikely under the circumstances, but technically he had no reason to not believe her, as she had been truthful when confronted with the issues, albeit hesitant. The way he saw it, he did not have very many options because some of Natasha's fear were likely legitimate – if SHIELD were told of her habit, she would be placed on some sort of probationary desk work and removed from the Avengers Initiative altogether. Clint would most likely not tell SHIELD, but he would not deal well with his partner's issues, given how frustrated he was with her unwillingness to share more about the horrors she faced in the Red Room. On the other hand, though, he could not let her keep doing this and JARVIS could only do so much to prevent her, which really was nothing as he could only them after the fact. She had mostly willingly allowed Tony to keep her blade, which made him suspicious that there were likely more hidden somewhere.
"JARVIS, where is Natasha?"
"Sir, Miss Romanoff is in the training room. She wishes not to be disturbed."
He probably had plenty of time to go through her room while she was on that level, most likely continuing her Red Room training to allay the fears instilled in her by the woman at headquarters yesterday. When he entered her room, he was shocked by how neat and orderly it looked. The bed had clearly not been touched in days, but everything else was spotless as well, save for the hamper in the closet which was nearly full of workout clothing and a few towels. He quickly headed for the bathroom and unscrewed and screwed the tops of every single medicine bottle in her cabinet, finding no further blades. The shower was clean and had no sharp objects in it, either. The drawers and cabinets were the same, except when he opened the small cabinet beneath the sink. There was a dried washcloth, likely from that morning, stained with blood wrapped around another double-edged razor blade.
"Oh, Nat." He sighed sadly, before retreating himself to the idea that he would need to talk to her yet again. Tony perched himself on the side of her bed around 2 PM and waited almost an hour before she came upstairs, drenched in sweat and drinking heavily from a large water bottle. When she spotted him holding the washcloth, she stopped dead in her tracks.
"What the fuck gives you the right to go through my room, Stark?"
"I think it's my name on the lease that gives me that one." He replies snarkily, put the blade in his pocket and disposing of the washcloth in her hamper. Tony let out a defeated sigh before continuing. "Why, Nat?"
"It's none of your business, Stark."
"It is, actually because you refuse to let me talk to anyone else about this, so it's my responsibility to end this. Now, where are the rest?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." There was a cold tone to her voice, but she couldn't stop her eyes from flicking to the bookshelf where her stash was hidden. She was already formulating a plan for how to go about buying more if he found them, but it would take at least the afternoon and she had made 23 mistakes that morning in her training. Stark had rushed to the bookshelf and was rooting through each book at the protest of Natasha when they were both halted by a knock at the door.
"Tash?" Clint's voice echoed through the room. "I know you're still pissed at me, but JARVIS said you were working out for a few hours and haven't had anything to eat in awhile… He wouldn't tell me how long, but I… uh, I brought you an apple. I was hoping we could talk for just a few minutes. I wanted to apologize."
"Come in," she said slowly, glaring daggers at Tony to stop looking through her bookshelf.
"Oh, I didn't realize I was interrupting," Clint says as he enters the room and sees the two of them eyeing each other. There was a hint of jealousy in his voice, though somewhere he knew that Tony was not interested in Natasha in the way he was. Still, they had spent most of the day together yesterday and Tash hadn't even talked to him after they left headquarters.
"That's okay, Katniss." Tony says, taking a hollow book off the shelf and shaking it lightly. "I was just leaving. Natasha, we can finish this later and I'll return your book then."
The color drains from Natasha's face as he walks out of her room with the last of her blades in his hands. She lies back on her bed and lets out a small cry of frustration as Clint moves to sit next to her on the Queen comforter.
"Tash, I'm really sorry about the other day. I was completely out of line, I've just been so worried about you since New York. It kills me that I can't remember what happened with us during it and I hate myself for whatever I did. I can't apologize enough because I have no idea what it was and you won't really tell me, but I understand that you're protecting me, I guess. I just really miss you. Steve doesn't kick my ass in training like you do." He places a hand gently on her thigh, which makes her nearly jump out of her skin and she can't tell if it's because of the cuts of the electricity that goes through her when he touches her.
"I forgive you," she says carefully, moving his hand back onto the bed. "And stop worrying about New York, it was nothing."
"Can we talk about it, though? Or any of the things that have happened since? I can help you, with whatever is going on. I know that seeing that woman was really why you were panicking, not the girl troubles or whatever."
"Clint, I really don't want to talk about it. Can we just go spar?"
"Didn't you just work out?"
"I need to clear my head from Stark's nonsense," she laughed, leading them out of her room and leaving the apple to rot on her bedside table.
After they finished sparring, she went to the supermarket around the corner. Tony had tried to stop her, but seemed to be reluctantly pacified when she agreed to bring Clint with her. Natasha sent him to get a few groceries items while she stuffed a packet of blades into her pants pocket, almost embarrassed that her habit was now leading her to steal when Stark had provided them with more than enough money. She needed them, she argued with herself, and Stark would probably check the receipts and the bags once they got back. Clint found it odd when the man did just that, but didn't bother protesting, opting to instead find his jealousy once again when he and Natasha shared a special look.
Tony smiled at her when he finished going through the bags and found nothing.
"I'm proud of you," he rubbed her head and winked at her.
This worked for Natasha for a few weeks. She would simply leave the Tower after her workouts, claiming that she would end them with a run outside around New York, then stopping into a store and using the blade hidden in her sports bra on her lower abdomen. Stark was happy with her progress when he routinely checked her thighs and found no new cuts. Natasha was proud of herself in a sick way because she had once again fooled them to keep up her habits. She grew closer with Clint than ever in these times, subtly flirting with the clueless man during their workouts. On one particular morning about three weeks later, she had gathered all her courage and kissed him goodbye after a session, leaving him shocked as she ran to the CVS around the block to cut.
"I thought… I thought you and Stark were an item," he yelled after her, but she had stopped listening to anything but her thoughts.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" She thought to herself, adding several deep, jagged lines to her stomach. When she managed to slow her breathing enough to realize what she had done, she began to panic even more. There was blood everywhere in the stall and all over her body. It was on her hands when she pulled her phone out of her pocket and had to swipe away Clint's texts to get to her phone and dial Tony Stark.
"Hello?" He answered sleepily. She hadn't realized it was only about 8 AM.
"Stark," she breathed into the phone.
"Nat, what's wrong?" He said, suddenly much more awake.
"I…" she took a breath to steady herself. "Can you come to the CVS around the corner? I fucked up."