For a few minutes, no one spoke. They were stunned into silence about their teammate's revelations, not sure of what to say to one another and yet, not wanting to leave things unsaid.
"She doesn't want to be here," Tony let out in one breath.
"She doesn't feel like she deserves to be here, there's a difference. This is her family, of course she wants to be here." The Archer is pacing the room as he speaks. "I can't believe I didn't notice, all those years."
"Don't do that to yourself, none of us did," Steve sighed, shaking his head in his hands.
"Even if she wants to be here, she hacked JARVIS, she's been putting the team at risk for who knows how long..."
"And that means we abandon her? I'm sorry, no. Call me old fashioned, but you don't turn your back on family and we're the closest she's got."
"There are other things to consider, Steve. If she's insistent of starving herself, she'll continue to have more incidents like today. Combined with blood loss, she could jeopardize the entire initiative. She needs treatment - real treatment. More than I can give her."
"That's not an option." Clint pipes up, his eyes still trained on the floor. "SHIELD would find out, she would be removed from the Initiative, and likely be re-captured by the Red Room. Whatever is left, anyway."
"So what are our options?"
"First of all, you need to stop calling her a slut, Man of Iron. Lady Natasha is, after all, still a lady. It is my assumption that she did not choose to participate in most of the sexual activity that has led her to this point." Thor was unusually quiet, stunning the other men.
"I hadn't even considered… How old was she when you rescued her, Clint?"
"She couldn't have been much older than 16."
"She's been tortured, abused, and likely sexually assaulted for ten years. And none of us even tried to talk to her for the past few years, it's no wonder she turned to self-destruction." The doctor said thoughtfully.
"But why… I mean, she never exactly trusted us or got comfortable, but she wasn't this bad until the past few months. What happened?"
"Loki." Clint said, the events suddenly clicking. "Ever since New York, she's been… distant. Cold. What really happened when I was under his… control?"
The rest of the men fell silent, none wanting to admit what had occurred and why she had pulled away from the team. It made a bit more sense, given what they knew now. Of course, it would have been traumatic if it was the first time, but it now made sense why she was dissociating more often and slipping back into Red Room habits.
"What is it? Did I do something?"
"No! Not… you, exactly. It was Loki. Magic and monsters and nothing any of us was prepared for, except maybe the God here." Bruce shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair thoughtfully as Clint's eyes darkened. "Loki decided that Natasha loved you. And he already had you under his control. She tried her best to pretend it was because she owed you a debt, but he knew better. He…. He told her that he would force you to kill her slowly and intimately, in every way she feared."
"Right, but she's not dead. She told me about all of that."
"We all thought that… The Other Guy had knocked her out. The next we heard from her was that she copied that you were headed to her location. We didn't know that you had already been there. That you… had already engaged her."
"Agent Romanoff was sexually assaulted when you were under Loki's control. He forced you to force her. And to fill in the gaps here so that we all get there quicker: she was probably trying to fix her flashbacks by getting close to you again and kissing you of her own accord. That sent her spiraling." Tony finished. "And before you go freaking out, none of us blame you. But we need you to hold it together, because we need to fix Natasha."
There were a million thoughts running through Clint's head, he was panicking in a way that he never had before. Sure, he'd had an anxiety attack or two, but never like this. Never where he felt like his chest was caving in on itself and the whole room was spinning. He had hurt Natasha. He had raped her. He was disgusting, absolutely and completely a failure of a man, an agent, and a protector. He had told her that she would be safe with SHIELD and then he had… Bile rose in his throat and he ran to the trashcan before hurling the contents of his stomach into the cylinder. How could he face her? How could he face the team? Why had they kept this from him? He had to see her, had to apologize, had to do something to make this right. Could he make this right? The team yelled behind him as he darted up the stairs to her room.

She was frantically packing her belongings into a few suitcases, tears streaming down her face, frail arms clutching her stomach to hold back the sobs that wracked her body. No one had thought to come confiscate her blades yet, so she was moving to grab them when she felt a presence behind her, standing in the doorframe.
"Tash," she turned around slowly, taking a shaky breath to steady herself. The pair exchanged a few meaningful glances, not saying a word.
"I had hoped you'd never find out," she sobbed, walking slowly toward him. She was scared, but a larger part of her ached to be in his arms, feeling the comfort she knows that she would find in them.
"You didn't have to do this alone. I can never apologize enough for what…"
"Stop, you didn't do this. I did," she cried harder as she fell into him. "I did this. If I had fought you harder, if I had been stronger…"
"You couldn't have been stronger than me, Tash. You're usually better than me, but you're not better than me AND Loki. He knew every step you'd make, every single thing you would do, you couldn't have won."
"I could have fought differently, changed up my style…"
"This was not your fault."
"All of this is m-"
"This. Was not. Your. Fault."
"But Clin-"
"This was not your fault." They slide down to the ground, Natasha in Clint's arms. She was shaking and hated to admit it, but she was still scared of him touching her at all. But he held her anyway, stroking her hair, and repeating the phrase until she fell asleep in his arms. He wasn't sure how long after, but he fell asleep too.