Like I said, my life is starting to get crazy again, so I'm not sure how frequent updates will be, but I'm dedicated to seeing this story through!
After almost two hours, Natasha had choked down two chocolate chip pancakes with peanut butter on them. She had initially eaten with some speed, but slowed down with every bite as she realized how much she was eating and the lack of earning of this breakfast she had done. Despite her brain convincing her that she didn't deserve the food, the men around her encouraged her and she fought each thought with the idea that this would move her closer to being back on the team and making Clint happy.
"Someone should talk to him…" Bruce had said about midway through the meal when a long bang sounded from the range.
"He needs to calm down," Steve replied firmly. "What he said was inappropriate and isn't helping the situation."
"We are so proud of you, Red," Tony said over his shoulder as he began rinsing the dishes and placing them in the dishwasher. She hadn't replied, opting to let a single tear fall from her face onto the small stack of half-eaten pancakes in front of her.
"Alright, let's head to the lab," Bruce smiled at her gently and Tony steadied her, pulling her left arm around his shoulder as they went. She smiled sadly as they looked through the glass of the elevator to see Clint training on the range with moving targets. Tony patted her shoulder reassuringly as they descended further. She laid on the table with no fight as Bruce sedated her, inserted the tube, and moved her clothes to check for any new injuries and look at the state of her still-healing and infected cut.
"She needs his support in this," Tony sighs. "As much as I hate the fact that I am the reason he knows, she needs him to get better. She's the only one he trusts."
"I don't think that's true," Bruce mused quietly, replacing her top over her skin gently. "I think when she first came here it was, but I think she trusts you, Tony. You were there for her when the rest of us weren't."
"You didn't know-"
"I'm not saying it was our fault, but you figured it out and you did your best to support her when the rest of us couldn't. And she knows you're there for her."
"I just wish she would let us help her."
"We need to realize that her gaining weight and eating with us is a big deal. And she did try to talk to us last time and hasn't cut since then. I would say before all of this, she was cutting daily."
"I suppose that's true. I just… I want to do more for her, you know?"
"I know, Tony. You care for her, for all of us, so much. But I think the plan we've started is a good one. Maybe we should start getting people to talk to her individually as well? Ease her into the idea of one-on-one sessions so she could eventually see a therapist?"
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to get her to agree to speak to someone outside of us, but I can wait here and talk to her when she wakes up. Fury will be expecting you to go in this morning and work on the problem."
"Yes, that's true." He smiles at Tony, who has already begun rubbing circles on the back of Natasha's hand. "Are you sure you can handle everything here?"
"I got this," he replies softly. "I need to talk to her."
Bruce leaves the room quietly, taking a full bag of supplies with him, from various notebooks to assorted medical tools.
"Bruce?"
"Yes, Tony?"
"Are we getting any closer?"
"I'm on the edge of something, I can feel it. I might have something for you to do tonight."
He sat with her for nearly six hours, toying with some of JARVIS's functions on a small, handheld tablet as he waited. Her heartbeat was already much stronger than it had been in the days prior and, aside from her ankles, most of her body was healing well.
"Hey Tony," she says in a raspy voice, struggling not to itch the tube in her nose.
"Hey Red," he replies, placing the tablet to the side and giving her his full attention.
"Where is Bruce?"
"Had to go into SHIELD. I think he took Steve."
"And Clint?"
He hesitates. "He's still... training."
"Of course," she sighs, defeated.
"You know we're all proud of you, right?"
"He's not."
"He is, Nat. He just doesn't know how to show it yet, because it's hard to still see you in this much pain. I mean, I've known longer than anyone and it still hurt me so much to watch you do it to yourself."
"I asked you…" she coughs and sputters a bit, and he offers her a bottle of water. "I asked you all not to watch. I know it's hard to watch."
"It's no easier to see it after it's done."
"So just let me do what I need to do without interfering."
"But why do you need to do it? We are not going to let you go back, Nat. That's not going to happen even if you beg and plead."
"But if it does…"
"I'm not going to let that happen to you. They would have to take me too because I'm not letting them take you alone as long as I live."
"You can't do that to Pepper, Tony. You have a family to think about."
"You're part of that family, Red."
"I don't deserve it."
"You deserve it more than anyone I know, you have been through so much and made it out the other side alive. You deserve this life, this family, and all the love we can give you."
"Tony…" she says quietly.
"Please, tell me why it is you don't think you deserve my friendship, at least."
"Because I don't want to kill you, okay?" She says it in a hushed tone and so quickly that he barely registers what he hears.
"What are you talking about?"
"The last time I had someone who cared… The last time I had a friend, I killed her."
"Well, you couldn't kill me if you tried," he jokes lightly.
"I'm serious, Stark."
"Tell me what happened."
"She was the last in my class," Natasha begins pulling her fingernails across her arms, making long scratches. "We knew better than to be friends and trust me, I've learned since then. But we did it anyway because we believed we deserved a bit of friendship after everything we had been through. And we…" she stutters a bit and focuses her scratches on one area of her arm. "We got caught."
"And what happened after you got caught, Nat?"
"They…" her body began violently shaking as she sat up, leaning against the wall and hugging her knees to her chest. He had seen this position so many times before, but failed to notice the scratching. "They made me kill her. A bullet to the head without even letting me explain or make up for it. We were supposed to have months."
"Nat," he says softly, placing his hands firmly on her shoulders and trying to tear her eyes off the ground.
"We had months. We were supposed to share the responsibilities and have each other for longer. But I killed her. Our friendship killed her and I won't let that happen here."