Edited: 05/03/2022

Chapter 3: Grief

Sasuke stayed in the safety of her own mind for a long time. She needed the time in order to come to terms with the death of her family and the torture she had been forced through, as well as the memories she had unlocked.

Those memories revealed a TV show where Sasuke was a boy. A boy who would awake from the Tsukuyomi believing that Itachi had murdered the clan on his own, and that in the end he would kill Itachi before learning that he had killed the clan on orders of the Elders to stop a coup.

She knew that she was a girl, even if that knowledge was hidden from everyone and she was hidden in the body of a boy; she knew that there had been a man in an orange mask killing her clan and that Itachi had fought him. She didn't know if Itachi had helped the man kill the clan and had only stepped in to fight him when he targeted her, but she knew that if he had he would have done so under orders to protect the village.

She would never betray the love and sacrifice of her brother, and one day she hoped to be able to remove the man who had seen to the murder of her clan. He was a weakness and a disease despite the belief that he was making Konoha strong. With the disease gone, she hoped to be able to reveal the truth to the Hokage and see her brother return as a hero.

Sasuke wasn't sure how, but her mind slowly went from being black to taking on a physical construct. It was a library, but instead of it being one huge room full of books, it was a long low building with many rooms which had books within. Each room representing different memories, knowledge and emotions. However, there were cracks along the walls and floor, which when she touched sent her feelings of panic and pain. The cracks were the physical representation of her pain and the damage that the torture and merging of her memories had done to her mind. Just like the dull grey colour of the books were also a representation of this. The ones that were opaquer than the rest where memories that weren't as clear as the others.

As she went through each room, and each book, the covers would turn from their dull grey or faded colour to a soft brown of polished leaver. The books that related to something painful generally remained grey until she dealt with the emotions and came to terms with what happened. She would never be alright with what happened, but she could accept it as part of herself and something that she would never be able to change, and something that she held no blame for. Just like the deaths of her fellow soldiers, when she was Jane, was not her fault. With the more books that turned to brown, the thinner the cracks became until they were barely noticeable. They were still there, but their impact wasn't as great.

Eventually, she decided to stop stalling and return to the conscious world. She could deal with the rest of her issues once she was awake.

It took a lot of effort to force my eyelids to open. They were heavy from sleep. I blinked them rapidly to clear my vision. I was in a hospital room, the distinctive smell and white walls and bedding giving it away.

With a groan of pain, I rolled while pushing myself upright. This had the advantage of having my legs swinging off the bed in the same movement that had me sat up right. Conversion of energy.

Sliding off the bed I was forced to clutch at the mattress as my legs threatened to give out on me. It took a while before I was able to straighten up and stumble across the room to the window. I felt a chakra signature (one of two), which was stationed in the room but hidden from sight, flicker with an increased surge of adrenaline and worry. I ignored them.

Grasping the window sill, I pulled myself up so I could sit on it and look out the window without straining my legs. It would take a few days of strengthening exercises before they could take my weight for an extended period of time. I would also have to slowly build my stamina and endurance back up, before thinking about changing the fighting style I had been using before and adding my knew knowledge to it.

I let out a relieved breath when I saw that the sky was blue. It was truly over, Itachi had managed to snap the hold of Tsukuyomi – something that the Utachi law had thought impossible. Tsukuyomi was one of the most common evolutions of the Sharingan and no one had ever managed to break its hold before.

The tears that fell were not something I was willing to control at that point. Jane had learnt that she needed to release her emotions completely in order to face them and put them behind her. Sasuke had experience with this after her kidnapping, she had felt much better after crying into Itachi's shoulder. Once the crying started, I had no intention of stopping until I felt emotionally drained, so I curled up on the window sill with my face facing the sky to remind myself that I was free and awake. The colour of the sky was something that had never changed while I was in Tsukuyomi, the masked man had kept it red.

A medic-nin came in at one point and tried to get me to return back to the bed and tried to comfort me, I ignored her and when she tried to touch me, I subconsciously circulated my sluggish chakra through my body. The nurse yelped when she received an electric shock and after several attempts, finally gave up and retreated. It seemed when I was distressed my body's natural reaction was to channel chakra through my system using my natural affinity to lightning. It was a new development for this body since it didn't do such a thing before the attack. A very distant part of my mind noted the potential of this for defence and attacking purposes if I could learn to consciously control it, but that would be a project for the future.

I'm not sure how long passed after that, before the next person entered my hospital room. He was far stronger than the nurse and that caught my attention. The sensing abilities of Sasuke was limited in range, but it was enough to identify people in the same room as her even if they were supressing their Chakra since she had gotten so used to feeling for her brother and cousin who almost always supressed their chakra. I couldn't pin point exactly where someone was beyond a general direction, and I wasn't skilled enough yet to memories chakra signals without spending an extended period of time with someone, but that would come with time. The strength of the chakra signature that had come into the hospital room was something that I had only felt once – the opening ceremony for the academy.

I closed my eyes and took several deep calming breaths, stopping the tears and slowly bringing my emotions back under control. Once I was under control, I slipped from the window sill and steadied myself before opening my eyes. I made no move to remove the tear tracks.

"Hokage-sama." I greeted the man with a respectful bow before looking to the man behind him who was watching in concern. "Yamanaka-sama." The bow this time wasn't as deep, but it was still respectful. I was grateful that members of the great clans all shared common physical features and personality quirks which made identifying them easier. The blond hair and near pupil-less blue or green eyes were distinctive of their family. And if I wasn't mistaken, this was the current head of the clan based on his age and presence beside the Hokage.

"Sasuke-san." the Hokage greeted me kindly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine, Hokage-sama. Do you know how long I've been unconscious?" I queried, deciding to gather some information now that I had been pulled from my mourning.

"You spent five days in what appears to be a genjitsu that we couldn't break before falling into a coma for eight days." The Hokage answered. "Are you aware of what happened?"

"Yes." I answered, closing my eyes briefly.

Itachi must have found a way to the hospital in order to break the Tsukuyomi on me, which meant he survived the fight with the masked man. Invading the mind of the attacker wouldn't have worked since (many decades back) a member of the Yamanaka clan had found that invading the mind of the one who placed the jutsu revealed there was no connection. It was theorised that an imprint was left with the chakra that powered the jutsu, and the world of Tsukuyomi would hold the victim prisoner until the chakra ran out or they were willingly released if a time limit was not invoked with the original use.

"Did you see the one responsible?" the Hokage questioned.

"Yes, a masked man." I answered. "He was the one to trap me in the genjitsu."

"Can you tell me what happened, from the beginning?" the Hokage requested. It seemed that he was trying to be sensitive by not outright asking if I knew about the massacre and what had happened. Instead, allowing me to come to my own conclusions about what he was asking about so he could see what knowledge I had and whether he would have to break the news to me. Which was probably why he had brought the Yamanaka with him, to make sure that I wasn't going to go insane or otherwise be unable to cope with the knowledge of my family' death.

"Of course," I answered, unconsciously changing my stance to the at ease position.

As much as I wasn't ready to talk about this, the Hokage needed to know what happened that night and he couldn't wait for me to be emotionally and mentally sound enough to give a report. It was the same as the debrief I gave the commander who had retrieved me. I should have really sat down before I began this report, but the Hokage was my superior and I refused to show weakness before him despite the shaking and strain on my legs.

"I had been training with my father, and was suffering from mild chakra exhaustion. I woke up at around midnight because something was wrong. I could feel it, the chakra was different to what I was used to, but I couldn't get a proper read on why. I went in search of my family, and found my parents murdered in the study. I couldn't find my brother so I left my home in search of help.

When I left the house, I saw a man. He was wearing black robes with red clouds on, and he had Garuto Uchiha on the end of his sword. Garuto was a retired shinobi, he didn't have a leg but he still tried to fight back. I could see the bodies of my clan discarded across the street, most of them were the civilians who didn't know how to defend themselves. I didn't know where the ninja members of my clan were, but I assume that they had already been killed otherwise they would have been attempting to stop this man. I could hear no sounds of battle. Nor did I hear any sounds of battle previous to leaving the house, not even my parents had time to arm themselves.

The man must have heard me leave the house because he turned to face me. He moved fast; I've never seen anyone move as fast as he did. But he didn't stab me, he simple kicked me into the wall of my home. He went to finish me off, but Itachi arrived and blocked the blow. They started fighting and I got up and tried running as fast as I could to the village.

Itachi was defending me, the man kept trying to get passed him to me, but he refused to let him. I could feel Itachi flare his chakra, trying to alert the village to something being wrong. The intruder must have managed to get passed Itachi because he was suddenly in front of me, and I locked eyes with him. He had a Sharingan in his right eye and he trapped me in the world of Tsukuyomi."

"Tsukuyomi?" the Hokage prompted.

"It's…" I faltered for only a moment before deciding that my clan was dead, and the secrets that they had held so closely were mine to decide whether they were told to others. "The Sharingan has an evolved state known as the Mangekyo Sharingan which has several abilities based on the individual. One of the most common abilities held by those with this Sharingan is the Tsukuyomi which creates a gengitsu based world which only the controller is capable of influencing or breaking."

"Why have we never heard of the Mangekyo Sharingan?" the Hokage questioned, his back straightening slightly in righteous anger.

"It was a clan secret told only to Hashirama Senju, who decided to not reveal this knowledge and allow the clan to reveal it at their discretion. It was implied that any active Shinobi with the Mangekyo Sharingan would inform the Hokage in the event that there was a specific mission that required the individual skill of the evolved eye. Those with the eye also should have informed the Hokage because their shinobi career would then be heading towards its end as all user end up blind or dead." I explained, thinking back to the reading that I had done both independently and with Itachi who was fascinated by history.

"And how many have had this Sharingan?"

"Since the founding of Konoha, only three that I'm aware off. Mandara, Shisui and Itachi. Shisui only activated his about a month before his death, and only told me and Itachi. Itachi…" I faltered, my legs finally giving out. I managed to catch myself on the window sill, and the Yamanaka moved forward to help.

"You're still recovering." He frowned, helping me sit on the window sill since it was closer than the bed and there wasn't a guest chair in the room. "You've spent thirteen days without moving. It's going to take time for you to fully recover."

"I know." I answered. I hadn't wanted to be sat down for this conversation when I was already on an emotional back food. But my physical weakness had taken my choice away from me. I wouldn't be able to risk standing against for quite a few minutes in order to allow my muscles to relax and recover, and perhaps give my nerves a few minutes to calm down and stop shooting pain signals.

"What were you saying about Itachi?" the Hokage prompted once I was settled on the windowsill and Yamanaka returned to his previous place.

"Itachi developed his that night. I saw it briefly before he switched it off. Using the Mangekyo without training can be damaging, both to the user and the surroundings. Our records say, that when Madara activated his he decimated both the army he was facing and the surroundings. He even lost some of his own in the carnage, those who weren't fast enough to follow Izuna's orders." I explained.

"And how does this form evolve?" The Yamanaka questioned.

"Grief. A grief so profound that there is no distinguishing fault. You truly believe, to your very core, that the death of someone you loved was your fault – whether they died by your hand or not."

"I thought that's how you activate the Sharingan?" the Yamanaka was confused.

"No, the Sharingan is activated by strong emotion – fear, anger, love. Doesn't matter, it just has to be strong and is normally connected to the belief that your life or the life of one you care about is in danger. And, I'd appreciate it if we stop talking about my family doujitsu. I've already revealed more family secrets that I feel comfortable with." I finally put an end to this line of conversation since we were drifting off topic. There was also the fact that it wasn't easy to give up clan secrets, although what I had revealed wasn't particular sensitive.

I didn't give them a chance to deny my request, and turned the conversation back to the attacker and the reason for this tangent. "The man who attacked my Clan and used the Tsukuyomi on me was either an Uchiha who had turned traitor or a Sharingan thief who had managed to unlock this higher level and learn to control it."

"Why do you believe he was a Sharingan thief?" the Hokage questioned with a heavy frown.

"Because he only had one Sharingan. In his right eye."

"Do you know what happened to Itachi? We have not recovered his body nor has he reported in."

"I don't know, but he's still alive." I answered confidently.

"How do you know he's still alive?" the Yamanaka; clearly, he was trying to ascertain if I had some information that they did not, or if I was simple in denial.

"My clan believed that it is impossible to break free of the Tsukuyomi world unless you are released by the controller, or they put only so much Chakra into the technique that it creates a time limit in the real world. In the moments before I was freed from Tsukuyomi, I felt my brother's chakra. He somehow manged to break the man's control." I chose not to mention that this meant my brother had to have been in my hospital room for a short amount of time. From my words they were more likely to assume that he had been hunting the man who attacked the clan and I was freed during the fight.

"Thank you, Sasuke-san for answering my questions." The Hokage said in a clear end to the report. Before he could leave though, there was a question I needed answered.

"Did you find any other survivors? Are my brother and I the only ones left?"

"I'm sorry, Sasuke-san." the Hokage apologised before leaving the room.

"Sasuke-san, my name is Yamanaka Inoichi. Is it okay if I take a seat?"

I carefully observed the man for a moment before adjusting my position on the window sill. I placed one leg on the sill, hugging the knee, while I allowed the over one to dangle down the side. Taking the silent invitation, Inoichi grabbed the chair that was next to the bed and moved so I didn't have to twist my neck at an awkward angel in order to see him.

"While you were trapped in the Tsukuyomi, what did you see? Your heart rate showed distress and your mind was extremely active during this period." Inoichi got straight to the point. Since I hadn't shown a strong emotional reaction to the conversation that I'd had with the Hokage, he likely felt safe not trying to subtly pry the information from me.

"Tsukuyomi is a world controlled completely by the one with the Sharingan. What could you do to a man when he cannot remain dead, when all wounds can be healed, when there is nothing that you cannot do to them that cannot be undone? When time in the real world means nothing." I turned my head away so I was looking out the window instead of at the shinobi who was closely observing me. I couldn't just tell him everything I had been through, but as a member of the T&I department what I said would be enough for him to know.

"What did he want from you?" Yamanaka questioned; his eyes serious but his tone kind.

"He wanted me to believe that my brother was the one to murder my clan. That he betrayed my family and his village. That he was the one torturing me."

"And how did you hold onto the truth?" Yamanaka prompted. He had broken more conditioned shinobi with less than what Sasuke was hinting at.

"I know my brother; I know his heart and his warmth. I know his love and his faith. He would never betray the village. And he would never betray me," I turned and locked eyes with Yamanaka. "This is truth. A truth I know with my entire being and nothing will ever be able to make me think otherwise. No matter the pain."

"Belief. A very powerful motivator." Yamanaka said gentle. Those who held out the longest, were the ones who had the strongest belief in someone or something. "But that doesn't mean you were not affected by your time in Tsukuyomi."

"Maybe. But just because I am different, doesn't me I am not me. I didn't let him break me, and I will not let him win by destroying what I can be. My brother may not be able to protect this village anymore, but I will grow stronger. I will be the warrior my brother knew I could become. And I will do it without losing my hope and my joy." I turned and look Yamanaka in the eye again. I needed him to know and believe me because he would be the one writing the psychological evaluation that would determine my shinobi carer.

"A worthy goal and ambition." Yamanaka complemented, bowing his head in acknowledgement of the fact that I wasn't going to talk anymore about what had happened to me. "I will leave you to your rest."

Once he had left, I turned my attention back to the world outside. Even speaking as little as I had done about what happened had drained me of what energy I had left. I had revealed as much as I ever would about my experience.

Not even Jane had revealed the true depth of her torture beyond what the doctors needed to know or had guessed from her wounds. Telling anyone exactly what I had experienced wouldn't help me heal, it would only open up old wounds and perhaps gain pity from whoever was told. Maybe in time, I would reveal small bits of information to those I trust completely so that they could have a better understanding of me, but only time would tell if it would become necessary.

It would be common knowledge that I had undergone mental and emotional trauma simple due to the fact that my clan had been murdered and I had spent time in the hospital, which meant any shinobi I ended up working with would also be aware of the possibility of personality quirks that would develop. Those with the clearance would also be aware of the time I spent trapped in the world of Tsukuyomi and what that actually meant.

Since the village was so experienced with Ninja's undergoing trauma, they would likely have someone watching my behaviour over the coming years; and again, when I become a genin to make sure that I didn't demonstrate any behaviours that would prevent me from working for the village or with other ninja. If I did, they would likely force me through treatment with the Yamanaka Clan, and if that didn't work, they would remove me from the corps.

But I knew myself. I knew how I coped with trauma. And I knew my personality. I would be fine when faced with combat. I wouldn't endanger my team mates or my mission. In fact, I would be more likely to work with other people and save my team mates in a dangerous position then freeze or abandon them.

The training that Jane had undergone wouldn't allow for anything else. When fear overtook the body, instinct and muscle memory kicked in. She had trained herself to fight back, to move with her team and to push passed the fear. That mentality was now held within Sasuke, who had four years to train her body with new muscle memory since the warfare she would be faced with were different to that of the combat situations Jane faced.