Episode 3! A Pretty Face and a Half-Baked Scheme!

A suave looking man walked through the streets of Hargeon Town in the light of the evening moon. He was a tall and handsome man of fair skin with long locks of golden blonde hair dressed rather lavishly, like some kind of noble. As he went on his way, his gaze is drawn to a young woman, whose eyes wander as she strolls, grasping a bag in her hands.

"My, my, how lovely you are..." the man said as he passed by the woman.

"H-huh?" the women stopped as her attention was now fully on very handsome gentleman. "Are you talking to me?"

"Why of course! I see no other lovely ladies around but you."

The woman blushes, though is visibly uneasy. "That's...nice of you, but may I ask..."

"Who I am? My apologies. I am Marco. I've come to this quaint town as something of a tourist, as you'd say. But I am also a connoisseur of beautiful things. And you, my dear " he trailed off, giving the woman a dashing smile.

"Haha, you flatter me. But I'm nothing special "

"I beg to differ. Perhaps, perchance, we could have a night in the town? My treat."

The woman became flustered. "Oh u-um, once again, I-I'm very flattered b-but, I'm also rather busy. so I'll have to..."

Before she could politely refuse and hastily be on her way, the suave man known as Marco placed a rough hand atop her shoulder, making eye contact with her. The startled woman stared back into his eyes of deep blue and it almost felt as if she was sinking into them. Soon, her own pupils grew empty as she fell into a deep trance. "I insist. Let us be off."

"Yes." the woman replied in a deadpan manner as the man leads her by the hand into a nearby alleyway.

As they enter, the man grins and commands the woman to stop and look at him. She obeys in her trance, and he begins to admire her face. "Ahh, truly you are a beauty. I sure do know how to pick 'em, huh? Heheheh. Don't worry, sweetie. It will all be over soon."

"Oh, it will be. Over for you!"

"What?" Marco looked, and before him suddenly stood three women in black, skintight outfits. The Jiggle Butt Gang!

Jiggle Butt Erza points two dramatic fingers at him, while twisting her body in an odd fashion where she was facing him and pointing her rear end at him at the same time. "If I didn't know better, I'd say this man was trying to abscond with that innocent maiden!"

Jiggle Butt Cana nods. "Yup. Looks like an attempted kidnapping to me!"

"Hm. He's quite the looker." Jiggle Butt Lucy observes. "But a creep is still a creep huh?"

"Do you mind?" asked Marco, his face indignant. "Can't you see this is nothing more than a rendezvous between lovers?" He then stroked the woman's cheek. "Isn't that right, my sweet?"

"Yes." was the woman's deadpan reply.

Cana, however, scoffs at this display. "What, you think we're dumbasses or somethin'? She's not even home! It's obvious you put her under some sort of spell."

Marco huffs. "Well, that was worth a shot. Here I was underestimating you because of how admittedly silly you three look. But fine. I'll be direct." His voice then lowers to a menacing growl. "Begone. You haven't the faintest idea of what you've just walked into. I assure you, someone will get hurt."

Erza shakes her head. "I don't know who you think you are, but neither do I care."

"What? How dare y-"

"I wasn't finished. Call us silly, but we are still doers of justice. We shall rescue that maiden from whatever fiendish plot you're up to and knock you down with one single blow! Now, ladies! Prepare to gas him!"

"Aye aye!"

The three of them aim their bubble bottoms at Marco. The man takes a nervous step backward, surprised by the sight of their very big rears.

"Gas-Butt!"

"Triple!"

"Ecstasy!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMFFF!

Their butts explode with a fart that blasts through the alleyway with a horrid stench, reducing Marco to a fit of coughing and retching. "Aggh! Koff! What the devil is this?!"

The fart did more than make Marcus reel. The light flashed back to the entranced woman's eyes as the heinous smelling waft drifted into her nostrils. "Oh, eugh! YUCK! What is that smell?!" she cried.

"As expected." said Erza.

Cana shot the Titania a look. "Wait, you knew that'd happen?"

"Miss, you should get out of here!" Lucy called out to the woman.

Through teary eyes, she looked at the three, oddly dressed ladies before her. "H-huh? Who are you? And-ew, seriously, what stinks?!"

"That doesn't matter! Just get away from that creep!"

The woman finally notices Marco. "You? What's going on? Tell me!" she demanded. "Why the hell am I in this disgusting alleyway?!"

"That man was plotting to abduct you. We've caught him after he used a spell on you." Erza explained.

"He...what?!" Hearing this, the woman's face contorted with rage. In a swift motion, she turns to Marco and swung a punch to his gut, then stomped out of the smelly alley, grumbling under her breath.

"Gah...y-you..." Marco winced as he clutched his stomach in pain. "You've gotten in my way for the last time..." He begins to reach for something around his waist, which Jiggle Butt Lucy notices.

"Not so fast!" She heroically springs into action, lunging her big butt at Marco. She successfully catches his face deep between her spandex clad mounds, surprising him as a fart suddenly bursts forth in his face.

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Marco topples over, landing hard on his back. He also happened to drop whatever it was he was about to whip out. It clattered to the ground as Lucy got a good look at it.

"Yikes!" she gasped. "A knife?"

"Dude was ready to go down fighting, huh? Fat lot of good that did." Cana grins.

"Hm? What's this?" Erza bends down, picking up a crumpled scrap of paper near Marco's fallen body.

"H...hey...dr-drop that..."

It seemed that Marco wasn't truly down for the count as he struggled to get up, feebly reaching out his arm. Erza's eyes darted from the paper in her hand to him, and back to the paper. Then it clicked.

"Is this important somehow?" she asked with a smile, dangling the scrap out of Marco's reach. She decided to make herself comfortable, by dropping her wobbling rump atop the man's face! Now Marco couldn't breathe! He struggles and flails beneath Jiggle Butt Erza as her bulbous buttocks were completely smothering him! And worse still...it didn't smell too pleasant...

BFFFFFFFFFT! And that simply made it even worse.

"I have to admit, you make a nice chair. Now then " Erza unravels the scrap and reads it. Her expression then darkens upon doing so.

"What is it, Erzy?" Cana asks, catching the change in her demeanor.

"This note has instructions for delivering females to a meeting point "

Following the message on the note, the Jiggle Butt Gang come upon an abandoned warehouse beyond the alleyway. Being as quiet as they could, they crept around the perimeter of the building, until finally peering into a window. But no luck! The windows were too mucked up with dust to see anything clearly.

"No matter." said Erza. "We'll simply see ourselves in. The heroic way."

The "heroic way" involved breaking down the door of course, with a collective shout of "SURRENDER, SCOUNDRELS!" giving the two men inside quite the fright. They were expecting a certain someone back with another girl. Instead, there were three women in tight black suits standing in the now doorless doorway. They were making some weird pose, sticking out their butts in their direction and wagging their hips.

The men looked rather confused. "W-who are you?" one of them asks.

Erza smiled. "You want to know who we are? Remember it well! We're the Jiggle Butt Gang!"

Now the men looked utterly gobsmacked at the three women. "Okay, I guess that answers that. You broads are just crazy."

"Oi where's Marco?"

"If you're talking about tall, dark and creepy, we already took care of him!" said Cana. "Now it's your turn!"

"Hey, look!" Lucy points towards a small group of women sitting among some old, dusty crates, with blank looks just like the lady Marco nearly accosted.

"Hmm. Would that be Marco's doing as well?" Erza wonders.

"H-hey! Don't get ahead of yourself! Whaddaya want?"

"What else? We're freeing those girls over there from your evil clutches."

To this, the men grin. They exchange glances as they laugh. "Haha, hear that? Our evil clutches, she says! Hahahaha! These broads really are crazy!"

"Bahahaha! Got that right, guv! Crazy as 'ell! But they're funny."

"You say ya wanna free 'em? We've got'em under a spell. Nothin' can break it. That pretty boy's good for somethin', at least."

"Oh, we can break it!" said Lucy.

To this, the men blink in confusion. "...huh?"

"Are we all gassed up, ladies?" Erza spoke as her swinging hips came to a stop. Indeed, all of the butt shaking they've been doing up to this point was part of their plan. The banter was simply to buy time. They were charging up for a doozy of a gas attack! And now it was time to dole out and give these scoundrels the stench of justice!

"We're full and ready to blow!"

"Perfect! Ready your righteous rears!"

They readied their righteous rears, aimed and fired! "Gas-Butt Triple Ecstasy!"

FRRBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFTTT!

And what a doozy it was! Their massive fart spewed forth through the old warehouse, bursting through the windows and shaking it to its very foundation (not that it had much left to stand on). In fact, it was such a powerful blast, that the two men were practically blown off their feet, sent flying and crashed right through the wall!

On the other side, they groaned wearily, slowly getting to their feet. "Oi...what the 'ell just 'appened?"

"We just got humiliated, that's what! Who's idea was it to follow that Marco guy's plan anyway?"

"Um...you, guv."

"And I regret every moment of it! All that palooka had to do was bring rich-looking girls to us, then we write the ransom notes to their stinkin' rich families! It was the perfect get-rich-quick scheme!"

"Well, well, well. It seems we overheard something very interesting, haven't we girls?"

"Oh crap!"

Sure enough, the Jiggle Butt Gang were there, arms to their hips and smiling. "I love when the bad guys have loose lips!" Lucy chirped.

"Crap, crap, crap! St-stay away from us! Haven't you caused us enough trouble?"

"Oi! This wasn't even our idea to begin with!"

"Y-yes! That's right! That Marco guy's to blame! He roped us into this!"

Hearing this, a sudden anger took over Erza, her very being emanating with a red aura as her entire body shook with fury. Even her butt cheeks began to twitch and jiggle. "How dare you..." she growls. "You two see to the women. Make sure they're out of harm." she firmly addressed Cana and Lucy.

"Er...aye-aye!" was their shaky reply before they were on their way.

"As for you..." the Titania turns to the two men, who trembled and grasped each other in fear! "You both are just a disgrace! Even thieves have honor amongst them and throwing your own accomplice to the wolves is even lower than thievery!"

Erza pointed a swift, dramatic finger at them. "But worry not! I will whip you into shape and teach you proper discipline!"

"Wh-wh-wh-what are you g-gonna do t-to us?"

'My goal as a hero is to help everyone! Even lowly criminals like you, if need be. Maybe with my help, you two can become valued members of society. Now then, drop and give me a hundred and fifty!"

"Are you JOKING?"

A pointed glare was all Jiggle Butt Erza had to give to show that she meant business. "Unless you want to face my gassy wrath, at a point-blank range, I suggest you get started!"