Before I say anything else, I have an important announcement at the author's note in the end of the chapter. So if you don't want to read the chapter, just go down to the bottom, and see what I have to say. It's something I feel several of you are going to be upset about, and for that, I am sorry.

I hope you all like this chapter. I actually enjoyed writing it, so hopefully it turned out well.

The bell rings, signaling that the end of the class is over, but due to the thoughts that are currently plaguing my mind, I don't even acknowledge it. It's not until I feel a tap on my shoulder and I hear someone calling my name, that I turn around, meeting hazel eyes. It's James. The rest of the class has already left, but Kendall and Logan are standing in the doorway, waiting for the two of us, I assume. I gather my things and shove my pencil and my unfinished classwork paper into my backpack in a hurry, not bothering to hand it in to Miss Collins.

"Aren't you going to give Miss Collins your paper?" Logan asks in a hushed whisper as he nears the two of us. A feeling of nervousness courses through my body, making me grow still and my heartbeat to quicken.

"I'm... I'll just give it to her on Monday. Hand it in late, you know? I'm sure she won't mind," I say, even though deep down, I know that that won't be the case. It'll probably just stay there in my backpack, getting buried and crumpled up by other papers and my notebooks. I don't bother with homework anymore. It should bother me, it really should, but it doesn't. I know that it is important, and that I should do it, but I just have no motivation or will to get it done. I procrastinate too much, and I do it well. Despite the nagging voice in my head, telling me to do it, I have no energy. It's like the simplest things are now the most difficult to do. And the difficult things have become near impossible to accomplish.

"Alright... I really hope so, because last time you said that, you didn't even bother to do it and then ended up in detention," he warns me. I can tell from the tone of his voice that he doesn't believe me, or does not believe that I will follow through with my word.

"We should get going," Kendall says, making us all turn to look at him. "I don't know about you guys, but I've had enough with being here for seven hours straight."

Logan rolls his eyes and James chuckles. I nod my head and follow him out the door along with the others. We all walk over to the elevator located in the lobby, and James presses the button for the second floor. I lean my back against the elevator's wall as the doors close and it starts ascending to our destination. It doesn't take very long for the doors to open back up, and before long, we are in Apartment 2J.

"Hey guys."

I turn my head around, having not seen Katie sitting on the bar counter, since I had made a mad dash to mine and James' shared bedroom as soon as we were inside. I wave at her quickly and rush to the place that I like to call my little asylum—whenever I'm by myself, that is.

I let my body flop down on my bed, having left my backpack on the floor. I stare at it from where I'm lying, sadness enveloping me. I know it'll probably be left discarded on the floor until the very next day. The reason I don't bother with my schoolwork anymore, is because I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will never succeed. I'm reminded of that every time I get a low grade on a quiz or a test, every time Logan goes on about getting straight A's. It's not his fault, though. He's so smart, and he deserves the grades he is given. But compared to him, I might as well not even try.

"Hey, there you are." I roll my head to the side, meeting James' gaze. He walks to his bed and sits down, facing me. "The guys and I were gonna go buy something to eat. You wanna tag along?" he asks me. I stay quiet for a moment, contemplating what to say next. Despite feeling completely drained out of energy, I mutter a quiet "sure" and roll out of bed and onto my feet. James smiles and we both walk out, meeting Logan and Kendall in the living room.

"Hey, Los." Kendall smiles at me, before turning his attention back to the wallet he's holding in his hands. "Alright, so I have twenty dollars, which isn't really much, but I think it's enough to get us something. What do you guys wanna have?"

"Pizza?" James asks. Logan agrees with him, Kendall humming in response. He turns to me, and it is then that I realize that all three of my best friends have turned their attention towards me. I blush under their gaze and nod my head.

"Yeah, pizza sounds great," I respond, even though eating is the least of my concerns right now.

"Pizza it is then." We all turn to leave, but Kendall stops in his tracks, remembering Katie. "Katie, do you want some pizza?!" he shouts, since the small brunette has most likely locked herself in her room. I hear Katie shout a loud "yes," and next thing I know, she's standing besides us.

"Leaving without me, huh?" she asks playfully.

"Oh yes, how shall I forget my dear, annoying little sister?" Kendall grins, pulling her into a hug and ruffling her hair. I hear her groan and I watch as she tries to get away by tickling him. Kendall shrieks and pushes her lightly. I smile at the interaction, but I can't help but feel a pang of envy in the pit of my stomach. Kendall and Katie's relationship is something I had always wished I'd have. Something I'd never have.

I must sound like a selfish, inconsiderate jerk, and there are a lot of times when I do think I am one. But if you lived without a sibling for all of your life, wanting to have someone there to share the good times and the bad, but not having anyone, you'd know why it is that I feel this way. I have nothing against the two. Kendall and Katie are adorable, but I do wish that I had that growing up. It would have most likely made things a lot more bearable.

I plaster a smile on my face and follow everyone out of the apartment. Logan starts up a conversation with Katie, and I hear Kendall and James talking about what kind of topping they want on their pizza. I zone everybody out, not even paying attention to where I am going. It's one of those moments in which you know where you're headed, but aren't really paying attention to where your feet are taking you. It's kind of like my subconscious is telling me where to go, as my mind travels to other places.

We walk to a pizzeria that is only a couple of blocks from the Palm Woods. On the way there, we all start talking about our plans for the weekend, and even though I don't really have any, I tell the others that I'm planning to do some reckless stunt that I will most likely not even do. Luckily, it is enough to get them off my back. It's something that the old Carlos would have said, so of course, it does not spark any suspicion. And if there was any to begin with, it diminishes it.

I say "the old Carlos," because I don't feel like I am the person I once was. I used to always be so carefree, happy-go-lucky, and filled with adrenaline. As other people would have put it, I used to be a very bubbly person; the kind that never lets anything bring them down. But now? Now I am quite the opposite. I rarely smile, and when I do, it's forced. I'm always sad and down—I might even go as far as calling it depressed, considering how bad it is. I'll have moments in which I do feel a spark of happiness, but it never lasts long. It's like there's always something bringing me down. The dumbest and most insignificant things make my mood plummet, to be honest. I'm simply not myself anymore, and I hate it for so many reasons.

I feel trapped, I feel lost—I feel like I'm living inside a cage; like an animal from the zoo, and everybody else is going on with their lives, having no idea what is going on with me in the inside. I'm broken, seeking for help. But how can I find it, when I keep the fact that I need it, a secret?

I'm going to be putting this announcement in The Only Reason later on, but I felt like I needed to share it on here as well...

I will be deleting The Only Reason for several reasons. One of them being, that I am not satisfied with the way it's turned out, and the last two or three chapters have been kind of forced and have felt more like work than something I want to do. The other reason, is that that story is very similar to this one, though they start off in two very different places. I love writing Kendall angst, and I have been doing so since I started writing on FF over four years ago. I love it, because he is the character that I feel I am most like, but Carlos is a close second, if not more so than Kendall. I used to have a lot of trouble writing Carlos' character, because it's hard to write a happy-go-lucky character, when you're used to writing so much angst and sad stories. Therefore, I decided to write this story, in which Carlos is not the cheery person we see on the show. It's going to be a dark story... It's not going to be pretty, but that is what I'm aiming for. I'm writing it in Carlos' point of view, because I feel like it'll make things easier. It will most likely transfer to the narrator's POV once the story has reached its climax. I hope you will all still read it, despite it being centered around a different character...

I hope you guys liked the chapter, and again, I'm sorry for the news, it's just what I feel like I need to do. Thank you for reading the chapter. Thoughts?

~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)