Hey guys. So, this chapter isn't very long, but this is an idea that I had, and I wanted to incorporate it into the story somehow, and I felt like this was the right place for it. This chapter is mainly Jagan bromance. I was gonna include Kendall in this as well, but I decided against it. He should be in the next chapter, though. By the way, trigger warning for mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

Enjoy. :)

"Hey."

James looks up as someone takes a seat next to him on the bench he is sitting on, relieved to find that it's just Logan.

"Hey," he says quietly as he looks back down. "Why are you out here?"

"Well, I disappeared for only a minute, and when I came back, Kendall said that you were out here, so I decided to join you. Also, I wanted to ask you a question. Hopefully you won't mind."

James lifts his head and stares at his smaller friend, curiosity getting the best of him. "What did you wanna ask me?" he asks, his voice surprisingly steady, despite the wave of nausea that drapes over him. He has a feeling that whatever it is that Logan is about to ask him, is not something he'll want to answer.

"Earlier when we were talking to Kendall, you mentioned that you were mad at yourself, because of what happened to Carlos. And I just... wanted to know why that is? Why are you mad at yourself? Out of the three of us, you seem to be the one who is taking this harder than anyone. And I understand that, because even though we're all best friends, you guys have always been extremely close, just like I am with Kendall. But, you keep saying we shouldn't blame ourselves or each other, so why are you?"

James sighs, his eyes filling with an emotion Logan doesn't quite recognize. "It's a long story, Logan. A long and complicated story, that I'd rather forget about."

"You can trust me, you know. It's fine if you don't want to tell me, I won't force it out of you. But right now, it seems like you need someone. I may not be able to make the pain go away, but I can listen."

James looks hesitant for a few seconds, as he debates whether or not he should tell Logan about this dark secret. A secret he has bottled up for years, which he had promised himself to not tell anyone about. He's afraid of his reaction; afraid he'll react in a negative manner, or will be upset for not telling him sooner.

"I'll tell you, but only if you promise to not be mad. I don't think I can handle anyone being mad at me right now..."

"James, look at me," Logan says as he reaches for James' arm, earning his attention. "I won't be mad at you. Whatever it is, you can trust me, I promise."

The taller brunet nods and takes a deep breath, his eyes moving to his lap. "A few years ago, when we were around thirteen, things were really bad. I'm sure you remember this, but my dad wasn't around – not all the time, at least. It was around the time when I would spend the weekdays with my mom, and the weekends with my dad. It was tiring... I felt like a yo-yo as I was dragged from one house to the other, sometimes even against my will. You see, I didn't really feel like a person anymore... I felt like a possession, but they didn't seem to get that. They didn't see how much it was hurting me."

"Parents can be such jerks," Logan mutters under his breath.

James nods his head. "That's not even the worst of it," he mumbles. "I was stressed beyond belief. Everything around me seemed to be falling apart. My grades were slipping, the bond between my mom and dad seemed to be becoming smaller and smaller. Everything was so horrible... It was all becoming too much."

Logan had an idea of where this story was headed, but he didn't say anything, in hopes that he was wrong. He didn't want to be right.

"So... one day, I had had enough. School had been hell that day – one of the teachers had humiliated me and yelled at me in front of the whole class, because I had failed to finish an essay. I felt like such a failure. I felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone, especially my parents. My best wasn't enough. Nothing was enough. So that day... I went home, and I... I c-cut for the first time." He shields his face with his hands, trying to stop the tears that have welled up in his eyes. "And after that, it became like a routine. It was addicting. And as much as it hurt, I thought I deserved it."

"You didn't," Logan whispers, sorrow now reflecting in his eyes. "Just because your life was crappy, does not mean that you deserved to hurt yourself."

"I know. I mean, I didn't back then, but I do now. Back then, I just didn't really care about myself, like at all. I was tired of everything. I was tired of trying, tired of living. I wanted to d-die," he chokes on the last word, his tears now falling down his face freely. "And nobody could see it. Nobody could see how broken I was... how done I was with life."

"I'm sorry, James..."

"Don't." James looks up at Logan, who is wiping under his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I hid it really well, especially from the three of you. It just fucking sucks that my parents couldn't see how much what they were doing was affecting my mental health, because they were too caught up in how much hatred they had for each other."

"You don't do it anymore, right...?"

James shakes his head. "No, I stopped before we moved to LA. It was hard, and it hurt like hell, but I knew that I couldn't do that to myself anymore. I had to stop. I couldn't let my parents' selfishness and irrational decisions affect my own life."

"I'm glad you stopped."

"So am I. That's not the point, though. The point is, I know what it feels like to feel absolutely hopeless; to not want to live anymore. So, I guess I feel like I should've known. I should've known Carlos wasn't okay, but I didn't..."

"Come here." Logan pulls James closer and wraps his arms around him, as the younger boy shields his face against the crook of Logan's neck, sobbing loudly.

"I failed him, Logan. I f-fucked up."

"No, you didn't. You haven't failed anyone," he murmurs as he rocks James from side to side. "Carlos will be okay. He will get better."

"I s-still should've known," he hiccups.

"You can't change the past. What happened, happened. All we can do now is wait, and do our best to not lose hope. We can't give up on him. He needs us, now more than ever. And in order to be there for him, we need to take care of ourselves and each other, so that when he does wake up, he has someone to lean on. If we don't take care of each other, how are we supposed to be there for him?"

"I g-guess you're right."

"I know it's hard, trust me, I do. I know Kendall blames himself too, and if I'm being honest, I feel really guilty, too, but blaming ourselves won't change what happened. We can't dwell on the past."

"I know we can't. It's just... not easy."

"I know it's not." Logan sighs. He wishes he could just wave a wand and make everything okay again, but that's not how life works. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows – sometimes it's storms and tornadoes. "But, it's like you told Kendall – that's why we have each other. As long as we have each other, we can get through anything."

How was that? Did you guys like it? Feedback would be really appreciated. :) Thank you for reading!

~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)