...Kit...
We arrive back at the compound and by this time my head is beginning to clear. I no longer feel like I'm operating under a weird fog that won't clear. Steve and Wanda kept casting worried glances at me from the front seat, and Bucky sat next to me staring directly at me for the entire ride. I didn't have the energy to tell him to buzz off.
I did manage to grab a few viles that sat on a medical tray near the door. Vision and Tony will probably want to study them. Figure out what they are and how to counteract them. They're covered in dried blood and are sticky to the touch. They clink around in my hand as I roll them over and over each other. When we arrive we get out of the car and head inside. They lead me into the front door and the instant we step through them we are met by Tony, Vision, and Sam. I'm immediately peppered with questions in rapid succession, becoming quickly overwhelmed. I finally hear Bucky's voice above everyone else.
"Enough! Let's go to the conference room. One question at a time." He places a hand on my lower back, his fingers touching the exposed skin below the hem of my shirt. I shiver as I feel the cold metal brush against my bare skin. He leads me to the conference room and pulls out a chair for me. Huh, all you have to do to turn the Winter Soldier into a gentleman is almost die, I think sarcastically.
"What happened?" Tony asks finally, after everyone has taken a seat. This is what I tell them.
When I finally felt like enough of the serum was out of my system and I could overpower the two men, I waited for John to leave the room. He left me alone with the strange man, his name was Jonah. The ropes were easy to break once the serum suppressant was out of my system. The whole chair made a loud cracking noise and fell in a heap on the ground. I'm not sure who Jonah was, but he clearly was not a soldier. His shock was plain on his face and he made a run for the door, an attempt to escape. I was faster. I didn't hesitate in snapping poor Jonah's neck. For half a heartbeat, I felt bad. This man didn't do anything to me. But then I saw his name tag. He is, was, a scientist. Those serums were most likely developed by him, I doubt completely, but he more than likely had a heavy hand in their creation. Otherwise why would he be here to see them in action?
After dragging Jonah away from the door I stood just behind the hinges and waited. It didn't take long for John to come back. Most likely he went to the bathroom, or to update Keiran on his lack of progress. He didn't even realize I was out of my chair for several seconds, he was too engulfed in his cell phone. When he finally did look up, I heard him curse under his breath and then make a jerking movement towards the door. I took this opportunity to shove the door shut as hard as I could. He had almost made it out of the room and when the door made contact with him, there was a loud thud and a crack split the door from top to bottom. John fell to the floor in a heap and groaned.
"Hello, Johnny." The look on his face when he saw me will never leave my mind. There was fear, absolutely. But more than that was pure, unadulterated hatred. He had a large gash on his shoulder from where the door had hit him, and his forehead had split wide open when he hit the ground face first. I told the Avengers that I had killed him then and there. Quick, painless.
What I didn't tell them was that I had dragged him across the floor and relished in the cries of pain as I pulled him along by his bloodied arm, propped the chair back up... sort of. And then beat the hell out of him until he begged for me to end his life. I didn't kill him until just before Steve burst through the door. To be honest, I kind of lost myself in it. I don't know how to explain it, but it felt like I was a third party to what I was doing. Just a witness that happened upon the scene.
No, I didn't tell them this. But from the look on Natasha and Bucky's faces, I have a pressing feeling they suspect something more had happened. In all my years as a bounty hunter, or assassin, whatever you wanted to call it, I had never drawn anything out the way I had tonight. It was always a clean kill with minimal blood. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be cleaning blood out from under my finger nails for a very long time.
The conference room falls into a heavy silence after I finish speaking and it lingers so long I begin to fidget in my seat. No one is looking directly at me. "Tony?" I hear a soft voice enter the room and turn around to see Pepper approaching me. She places her hands on the back of my chair without glancing down at me. "I think she needs to take a shower." I stare back down at my hands and pick off some of the dried blood on my forearm.
"Um, yeah. Right. We'll reconvene in the morning." Everyone stands in unison as we are dismissed and Steve and Bucky lead me from the room and back to the room I stayed in when I first arrived at the compound.
Bucky opens the door and walks in first, I hear him in the bathroom running the water. "Are you okay?" Steve asks me.
"Yes," I say, my voice listless and monotone. "I'm fine, thank you."
"Well, maybe if you keep saying it, you'll get better at convincing me." He puts his arms over my shoulders and pulls me into a strong embrace.
"For someone so bulky, you're pretty soft," my voice is muffled as I press my face against his shirt. I can't remember the last time someone embraced me purely for my own comfort. I breathe him in and close my eyes and allow his warmth to engulf me. "Thanks, Steve."
"Water's ready," I hear Bucky call out from the bathroom, and as much as I don't want to leave Steve's arms I need to get this blood off of me.
The bathroom is steamy and I expect the shower to be running, but instead the faucet is running into the tub and there is a chair in the center.
"Let us help." At first I'm resistant, I have never needed help cleaning myself after any job. And I'm a little bit insulted.
"I don't need your help," I spit at him. But then I realize I don't have the energy to argue. And if I don't have the energy to argue, am I going to be able to stand in the shower and scrub away my sins from the night? With a heavy sigh, I strip down to my bra and panties and climb into the tub. The water is warm against the bottoms of my feet. Steve hands Bucky a washcloth and stands off to the side as Bucky wets the cloth and runs it over my shoulders first. I watch his face as he meticulously soaps my arms up and pours water over them. He skims across my skin and I'm sure he's looking for any injuries. It doesn't matter though. Even if there are any, they will heal quickly. He should know that. When he gets to my hands, he is more gentle and his fingers linger over the red and blue coloring from the various cuts and bruises now decorating my knuckles.
"So a little bit more happened than what you let on?" His voice is low, but I know Steve can still hear us. Instead of listening in, he excuses himself from the room.
"I did what I had to do," I say simply.
"And then some. Kit, I understand what they did to you was wrong, and it was painful but-"
"No you don't. You don't understand what he did." There is venom in my voice as I rip my hands away from him leaving his hands floating in the air.
"Are you kidding me?" He stares at me in disbelief. "If there is anyone, anyone in this house that understands what they did to you, it is me. Maybe Nat, maybe Wanda. But I was very intimately involved in some of Hydra's worst trials and torture. So don't sit here and act like I don't understand."
"What did you do?" I ask, cutting him off before he can begin a long speech. "When you got out of Hydra and you freed yourself from their brainwashing. After Wakanda. What did you do?"
"I went to therapy," he answers casually as he leans away from me.
"You went to therapy... and there was nothing else? You didn't hurt anyone that ever hurt you, you didn't track down anyone that had a part in using the winter soldier?" His eyes flash briefly.
"I didn't say that," his voice is soft. "I didn't brutally murder any of them. I might've roughed a few of them up. But Kit... there was blood everywhere." His eyes plead with me, begging me to see things his way. The Avengers way.
"Yeah. There was. And if I had to do it all over again? I would. Without hesitation. The exact same way." I reach forward and turn off the water and then, dripping wet, I step over the edge of the tub and leave him in there alone.