Hi, how are you guys doing?
It was really a bad timing, the last person Levi wanted to meet at this castle was none other than his wife, Mikasa. Levi had just opened the door of his room, was about to go before the sunrise to Trost District and meet Erwin only to ask the Commander to let him go to Sina for a weeks, in order to avoid the woman. But it seems like the universe cursed him to continue dealing with her just as Levi passes Mikasa's room, the woman came out, dressed neatly with her simple green gown.
The two had not meet with each other even they don't bother to say hello after the incident in the river, and now they stares quietly at each other for a few seconds before Levi continued his steps, passes her without saying anything or greet her.
"You're leaving," she mumbles, more like speaking to herself. But Levi can hear it pretty clear.
Levi stopped his step.
"Yes. I'm leaving." he says, sighed quietly before turning around and faced Mikasa who is still standing at the doorway of her room. They stare at each other.
"Of course, you're always leaving," she sneers at him.
Levi frowned, hearing that contemptuous tone from her which Levi found himself dislikes it. The sun has not rise completely and the woman was being ridiculously infuriating.
"What do you mean?" he asks, trying to hold himself.
"When will you return?" she avoids his eyes this time.
"I can't say exactly, I have things to do in Sina- "
"Right. You're always busy with your work and don't know when to come back. Please leave, now."
Levi paused for a moment, still processing and noticed how offended she is and he can tell how much she resent him and she seems so upset. "What are you trying to say?" he asked, try to compile all the puzzle of her, he really had no clue why is she being upset.
"You always leave without saying a word," this time she looked up at him.
"...Do you wish me to say something in particular?" asked Levi raising one eyebrow.
Mikasa snorted, she smiled sarcastically at his answer, "Don't you have something to tell me?"
Levi looked at her skeptically.
"I remind you, you have declared yourself that you are comfortable living alone in this castle and even asked me, so Mrs. Springer can return to work at the farm not at the castle." he said.
"Oh!" she sneers with her scornful laughter, "...should I be really grateful for that?"
"I don't understand you. I give you all the comfort that other women might desire. I give you a good place to live and food, I took you out of Shiganshina District, let you do the thing you wanted, I don't force you to live as my wife. If you're really trying to refers about yesterday, and you really thought I was the one who used you in this marriage, then let's just say I do use you."
"..."
But I've made up for it, and the last thing I ask from you is to stop behaving you're a victim of what you went through in your own miserable life."
"How dare you - " Mikasa Ackerman took a step forward, her usually monotonous beautiful face now looks angry.
"You are simply ungreatfull," he said loud and clear, now she looks shocked, he knows exactly he'll regret this later deep in his thoughts.
"It's my right to speak that way, someone really should talk that to you so you can stop being an infuriating woman. I have facilitated you so many things and let you do as your wish, but I will not justify your attitude, not to me,"
She steps back, her chest move rapidly, as she breathlessly said "Leave. I don't think I can your face any longer, I wish we will never ended up like this. And... don't bother to come back this time" Mikasa gasped trying to control herself.
"Tell that to someone who's been holding me back." he said coldly.
-o-
"You must be kidding!" shouted Hanji. Levi simply rolled his eyes while Erwin smiled amusedly.
"I didn't, and stop overreacting," Levi said exasperatedly.
"But you can't just leave her after saying those things to her, right Erwin?"
"I didn't say anything wrong." Levi said.
"But you can't leave her and you need to stop saying painful words, especially if she's your wife, for god's sake!" Hanji almost grabbed her own hair.
"I don't leave her, I'll be back this afternoon, considering Erwin didn't allow me to go to Sina." he sneers at his commander, he glanced at the man who chuckled, sitting comfortably, "I have no reason why you should go to Sina. The 57th expedition meeting was final yesterday," Erwin said.
"I think you should understand, she's a woman... And women sometimes, tend to get more emotional than men. You have to think rationally Levi, if you want to make your marriage works." Erwin said wisely.
"— not that I want this marriage works." he scoffed.
"Well, you have to or are you going to let it fail? Or do you expect the king to have an expectation to his beloved niece? He's still asking you to come for his tea time, Levi. You know King Uri fond of you very much."
Levi looked away to the windows where the cadets train. "I never asked him to fond of me."
"Listen, Levi. You have to make this work before we go on to the expedition. You know anything can happen out there, and I don't want you to have any regrets later."
Levi snarled impatiently, "The last thing I wish is that you two might understand about this situation. It's not my fault she acts... childish, so gloomy, cold and barely tolerable, she's unable to think rationally when it comes to both of us."
"You can't control how people react to you, Levi. But you can control how you treat her." Erwin remind him.
"No wonder she probably hates you... You don't have bonding with each other, you don't even try," Hanji sneered keenly at him.
"Oh, for the sake of titan, something like this doesn't need bonding." he scoffed.
"Of course it is necessary! It's just like how you build trust with your team, and for the sake of titan she's not your subordinate but your wife," Hanji said in disbelief. Erwin chuckled, partly pity Levi's situation, partly amused.
"My advice is... Fix your relationship with her. Change your way of thinking when it comes to her, in the end like you said, you're stuck with each other." Erwin said.
"You didn't even try for her," Hanji spat.
"I worked on that pile of reports and you demanded for me to spare my time for her?" he asked incredulously.
Hanji nodded, "Yes! Don't tell me you used that lame excused when both of us knows how you avoid to coming home earlier by intentionally working untill late. We knows you never touched that pile of report before, and Jean or... Armin always can do that for you."
"If she's so ineligible, why did you chose to marry her?" Erwin asked.
"You forgot you gave me the option to immediately marry a woman other than Frieda Reiss?"
"There are many women that I know for sure by your standards, women older than her – the same age as you, a mature, cheerful and friendly women... blonde hair specifically - "
"Yes but she's dead, and you wish I'd dug her grave to marry me?"
"My point is, you can marry one of your subordinates or acquaintances, I'm sure you have plenty of names, but you decided to marry her... Why?"
"Oh.." he rolled his eyes, not even Erwin questioning the same thing as Mikasa. "Stop this nonsense, why is everyone so surprised I married her?"
"You said by yourself, she's infuriating woman and you couldn't stand her," Hanji commented.
"You marry a stranger and you hope everything goes smoothly." Erwin said.
"She's not a stranger," Levi said.
"What's her last name again?" asked Erwin, raising his eyebrows.
"Yaeger." Levi said straight away.
"She doesn't look like Grisha Yaeger." Erwin's comments.
"Well... Have you ever met his wife before?" he asked keenly, he did not want Erwin notice that that Mikasa is an Ackerman, Kenny told him to keep Mikasa's true identity secret even from Erwin.
"You have to do it." Hanji said suddenly get serious. Levi and Erwin turned their heads towards her.
"Do what?"
"Beg to her."
Levi frowned, "Beg?"
"Yes. Beg to her and say you're sorry."
Levi sighed, "You must be kidding."
"You wish. I have an idea." Hanji smiled brightly.
-0-
Levi is mentally ready for this. He definitely can not win against Hanji, the four-eyed somehow has successfully managed to make him promise to do that.
Beg to her.
Although it sounds very silly, Levi finally give up. He remembered what Erwin said, he was the one who had to act rationally, dealing with a young woman like Mikasa. He was reminded by Hanji's words, that he also did not try even for the simplest thing and how he always ignores and avoids her. He finally came to a realization that he was nothing but a coward, Levi unwisely let her think he was indeed a jerk.
However, this was already the third knock on the door of the woman's room and Levi did not receive any respond. Is he really that bad? Levi groans, their last meeting was so unpleasant.
"Oh... Captain Levi! You came back earlier than usual!" greeted Mrs. Springer with freshly washed linen in her hand.
He nods, "Does she... sleep?" asked Levi.
"Ah... Mrs. Mikasa? She was never in her room except when it was time to sleep, I was just about to put this linen in her room, she always cleaned her own room and never asked me to do it," Mrs. Springer said, opening the door and found Mikasa's empty room, putting the linen on the chair and then step outside of the room right away.
"Where is she?" asked Levi, walking into the room, squinting his eyes judge skeptically to found many books strewn across the bed and haphazardly throughout the room.
"Mm... She spends a lot of time at the 1st floor library, but I think she's bored, lately she likes to spend her time on the hills or rivers, I'm sure she once said that to me, but she always return before the sunset."
"The sun is about to set," he mutters as he looks at the sky from the window, the afternoon sun begin to fade.
"She'll be fine." Mrs. Springer said, "Do you need anything, Captain Levi?"
Levi shook his head, "No thanks, you can go home, Mrs. Springer."
Mrs. Springer nodded and leave him alone. Levi looked at the room. Actually the room is tidy if there are no books scattered everywhere. Levi frowned, is this what she do every day? Reading a book? He never thinks she likes books.
Levi then thought how bored Mikasa, spending her time alone in a big castle. But the amount of the book is too much for a young women.
Levi picked randomly one of the book, reading the title on the front page. He was a little surprised when he found out the title, "Herbs and it functions," muttered Levi. He opened a glimpse of the contents of the book and found many fold marks in certain pages. And then he picked up two other books, "Prescription for Nutrional Healing." and "Anatomy of Monster Creature: Titan Edition, Part III: Female Titan."
For a respectable young woman at her age especially when she's from influential family, most of them spend their time with social and tea parties at one of the Lords houses, visiting a fashion store in the middle of town, and here Mikasa spends her time reading those difficult and boring books. Levi starts to think that Mikasa is not like the woman he used to find when he visits Sina. He never thought a woman would be interested in difficult books like this.
Levi sighed, he remembered Mikasa's adoptive father is a doctor maybe he helped influence her way of thinking. Ah.. The memory returned abruptly, when she bitterly said that she was never allowed to go out without under supervision of the butler and how she never attended a social party at her age before.
Prison.
Mikasa refers to her former residence as a prison, and she only moved to a larger prison than before when she moved into this castle with him. Maybe Mikasa spent her time at Yaeger's house reading books alone like this.
Unlike most of women he meets in the city, she lives differently, and she's seen how cruel her parents was murdered infront of her eyes, which will surely stays in her memory throughout her life, just like how Levi witnessed his mother died slowly. She must be lonely. Levi should have been aware of it. And after all this time, he only ignores and avoids her.
Levi immediately walked out of the room, but momentarily stopping his steps, he was stunned to see the door at the corner of the hallway leading to the library tower. He recalled how Mikasa sounded excited when he mentioned that it was a library tower, Levi had not even had time to show him the library to her.
He's not exactly sure why, but Levi had such a bad feeling about this. Levi went to the first floor library, in every room, in the hallway, in the reading room, in the painting room. He's looking out her all over the house and she's nowhere to be found. Levi pulled his hair back desperately, his forehead sweating. Where did the woman go? Did she run away?
That's not impossible.
Mikasa, where are you?
Levi decided to look for her out of the house with his horse around the hills, fields, he even checked the farm and found no one there.
"Mikasa!"
Levi keeps calling her name, he's worrying her. Could there be a robber and kidnap her somehow? But... That was impossible, Levi had ensured the security under his supervison had been guarded by soldiers at each entrance.
Until he finally rode to the same river the other day he had a fight with Mikasa. He walked down the river, he spotted a stack of books and a picnic basket under a tree but no one there. Levi immediately get off the horse and checked the books, undoubtedly they're from his library because each book had Utgard Ackerman's signature on it's first page. Mikasa must have been here. What's going on?
Levi kept calling her name, he walked down the river under the moonlight that help his sight. "Mikasa!" he called.
"Is anyone out there?" a small voice suddenly replied him. Levi turns around, looking for the sound. "Mikasa? Where are you?" he calls.
"Are you Levi?" she said.
"Yes, it's me. Can you tell me, where are you?" he asks a little bit irritated yet he relieved.
"I'm here," she said, slowly appears behind a big rocks in the middle of the river with her body completely under the dark river water and only showed up her head a little.
"What... What are you doing?" he asks in disbelief of a sight of her right now. Swimming in a cold water in the midnight, is something stupid to do certainly.
"It's almost winter and you... choose to fucking swim?!" he said angrily, this time he was really upset, he was looked out for her, worried about her and almost straightly to go to Yaeger's residence to check if she by any chance, turned out that this woman was running away.
But what he finds is a stupid woman who only caused him unwarranted worried and chooses to swim in a freezing night. She could have pneumonia easily if she stays there.
"It's not what you're thinking. I'm not that stupid for making decisions and - " she defend her self, shivering as the wind blow.
"It looks exactly like I thought," Levi couldn't care less of what unreasonable action.
She shivers, but stay still and doing nothing.
"Are you planning to freezing all night in order to deprecate me?" said Levi approaching her, but stays on the river side.
"N-no!" she exclaims, her face paled almost turning blue.
"What are you waiting for? Get out of there or I'm gonna drag you out by force if that's necessary,"
"I can't!" she frantically said, more desperate.
"What do you mean you can't?!" he almost yelled, this really made him angry. "If this is your reprisal of my attitude the other day, you were completely being stupid and reckless, and if you're wish me to apologize, then I'm sorry, now get out of there or I'll drag you out and I'm mean it!"
"No! Not like that, I- um, forget... Can you go back to the castle and bring me... something to wear first? My coat was float away by the river stream..."
Levi snorted unbelievably, he only wore his white shirt and left his military coat at the castle in such a hurry, "Are you kidding me? And leave you here alone, freezing to death? It's almost midnight and it's fucking freezing. If you say that you're naked then you're lying, I can see you're wearing a white dress."
"That's not what I mean... I'm... Not using - "
"Is that seriously important?! Get out of there now!" he spat.
"Okay-okay... ill-tempered, there's no need to yelled like that, okay? But you have to close your eyes," Mikasa grumbled and stepped slowly out of the river.
"Whatever you say," he said coldly.
Now that Levi understood what she meant, she tried so hard but ended up poorly to cover her front body which he can see her body curve clearly under that thin wet white nightgown, and Levi couldn't turn his eyes to Mikasa's slender body, especially how he can see through that thin gown, her small round chest, in particular catch his attention the most.
"I said close your eyes." Mikasa said annoyed trying to cross her arms in front of her almost-naked chest. Levi looked at Mikasa from head to toe, her right ankles some how looks like it bruised, "What's wrong with your feet?" he asked.
"I slipped when I rescued a drowned cat, I could have gone back to the castle by running, but my coat was float away, and I couldn't return to the castle like this by walking slowly while I couldn't run, so I stuck here all night." she said honestly.
"You're freezing, can you walk?" asked Levi starts unbuttoning his shirt.
"Yes, it's bearable but I can't run. Why do you unbutton your shirt?" she asked frantically, and looked away from Levi.
"You're too embarrassed at me, aren't you?" asked Levi, taking off his shirt and now shirtless, the wind blowing as he can feel it to his bones, but Levi was used to it, the military had trained him for things like this and not to mention the endless expeditions had shaped his physique to be stronger, but not with Mikasa, her paled face and the way her body shivers explains a lot.
"But you don't have to be shirtless, that's ridiculous."
Levi hid his grin, "What? Are you ashamed to see naked?"
"Look at yourself, so stupid to be stuck in a cold water of the river all night and you almost froze to death because how reckless you are." Levi said he handed over his white shirt, then whistled to call his horse.
Mikasa accepted the shirt hesitantly and used it without a second thought, although the shirt had literally no effect to warm her body, at least she could cover her almost naked body in front of Levi.
"I can't just stay still to see the cat drowned."
"Sure, where's the cat? Run away, I guess? While you wait your death here." he said.
"I hope you forget about this," she mumbles.
"Hm?" Levi's horse galloped towards him nearby
"I'm embarrassed," Mikasa said briefly.
"…"
"I've never felt this naked before, not in front of man particulary,"
"Technically, I'm your husband."
Mikasa looked up to him in disbelief, but says nothing.
Daisy, Levi's horse finally arrived shortly. Levi unpacked Daisy's saddle and picked up a white shirt and put it on quickly, luckily Levi hadn't had time to unload the saddle.
"If you think I can ride that, then you're wrong. I never had a ride before." she exclaims, staring at the horse.
Levi turned to her, "Are you kidding?"
"I wish. But they never taught me how." she explains.
"Then you go up first. I can't risk you to fall ridiculously, it's seems you're too embarrassed to hold on to me."
Mikasa sighed, thick white steam coming out of her mouth.
"All right," said Mikasa, "How do you get up?"
"Your right leg first, and then hold the bridle, like that."he graps her waist and pushed her up to the horse, helping Mikasa sit safely, and then he sits behind Mikasa.
With Mikasa sitting in front of him so close, Levi could feel how cold her body is and she can't stop shivers. It's bad.
"You better hang on, we should hurry."
-o-
Arriving at the castle, Levi tells Mikasa to change her wet nightgown. While Levi prepares a simple soup from Mrs. Springer's left over and prepares a compress. Levi knocked on Mikasa's bedroom door, and shortly the woman came out in a dry nightgown with she lets her wait hair down. This is the first time he's seen her hair down.
"Have you lit a fireplace?" he asked.
Mikasa sighed, then shook her head, she looked too weak to do that and probably can pass out any moment, "I'll do it," he says, bringing a tray filled with a warm soup and compresses and bandages into her room.
She lets Levi lit the fireplace, while she's slowly sitting on the edge of her bed watching him.
"You said you had a job in Sina. Last time you leave, you returned about a week." she mutters.
"It's not an urgency this time." Levi said as he blows up the fireplace.
"Why did you come back?"
"... because this is my home."
"Really?" asked Mikasa, he notice a sudden sad tone from her. Levi pulled a chair in front of the fireplace and hinted at Mikasa to sit there, to warm herself which she instantly do what he said.
"Yes," he replies, "... why are you so surprised?"
"I've never had a home before," Mikasa said staring at the swaying flame. Levi then giver her the soup bowl. "When I was little, I grew up in a simple cottage in the forest, which I later found out the house was rented by my father."
"..." Levi did not answer, and took a compress of warm water and a bandage.
She came to realization as she said, "I don't know why I'm telling you this."
"You have a home now."
She scoffs, "….Am I?"
"Sure, I've said it before, that this is also your home and I'm meant it, now eat before it's getting cold. It's Mrs. Springer's." Levi said as he kneels in front of her.
Mikasa rounded her eyes in surprise to see Levi's hand in all of a sudden touch her right ankle. It was the first time someone touched her closely without her permission and without saying anything.
"W-what are you doing?" she asks in disbelief, she was about to rise but the soup was on her lap and Levi grasps her legs, rubbing it carefully, like he's looking for something.
"What do you think I'm doing?" asked Levi looking at her intensely from down there, Levi's hand stroking her wound and swelling ankle, Mikasa held her breath as the rough hand stroked her calf all the way up to her knees almost to her thigh under her nightgown.
Mikasa held tightly to the soup bowl, too strong until she's certain she could break it easily if Levi didn't stop her hand from going up to her thighs. It was a new sensation that she has ever felt before, a man touched a certain part of her body, even Eren had never done anything like this, and it made Mikasa confused about this new sensation that she felt for the first time. Especially, with stares at her intensely as if deliberately do that to see her reaction.
Levi notices how Mikasa holds her breath, how she grasps the bowl tightly, how she almost yelled at him and want to rise up, but she didn't do anything. She stay still, he notices she's trying her best to look calm, but Levi is sure she's surprised, and curious. This is the first time a man touching her. He deliberately, stroking her inner thigh with his thumbs and she almost flinched. And then he finally stopped.
"Luckily your wound is just a little swollen and I don't think any a serious wound. Tomorrow it will be better if you keep compress them." he says
Mikasa cleared her throat, "Sure, I know it wasn't a serious injury."
"They don't have doctors in this village. Tomorrow we're going to the Trost in the morning."
"I don't need a doctor- "
"Stop arguing with me and just do what I said, I don't want to take any risk of you getting sick, you could easily catch a fever or pneumonia tomorrow." Levi said as he rise up.
"I can't go to the town." she said.
"Why?"
Mikasa sighed, "I don't have shoes, you forgot my shoes were broken while we climbed the hill?"
"Of course you have." Levi said. Mikasa looked at him in confusion.
"What?"
Levi hints from his gaze to the box on the table, a box that had never been in Mikasa's room before.
"I have something to talk about with you, but not now, you have to finish your soup and take a good rest." Levi said he picked up some books on the floor and put them on the table, "My advice is... you should cleaned up this room immediately." Levi's comments.
"I'll do it later," sighed Mikasa.
"Good night, Mikasa." Levi said without turning around and heading straight to the door.
Mikasa momentarily let a mere second pass before giving him, "Good night, Levi."
The sound of door open and then closed.
She turned towards the door behind her, and found no one there.
Mikasa glanced towards the box, walked slowly and opened the box.
A pair of beautiful women's shoes, the color is red.
She tries it on with her left legs, not for long she snorted amusedly.
It's too big for her.
Please let me know what are you thinking of this chapter! :)