Chapter Four

The panic was kicking in.

Skull fought not to tremble as he flew down the road on his bike, mind flitting through a million thoughts and yet settling on nothing at all.

For years he had dreaded seeing his family, all the while yearning for it more than he yearned for the end of their curse. Up until his banishment, his entire life had been built around protecting the family and the legacy his parents had built so that his siblings would never have to fear being dishonored or mistreated. Everything in him had been honed around it, around their safety and happiness, so much that he'd barely even noticed that he'd placed Magnus in that group until it was too late.

Until the man had torn his heart from his chest and crushed it, sick of the betrayals and the secrets. He'd understood it at the moment, honestly he had, but at the same time it had hurt him in a way that he'd never expected.

As Skull, he'd been free to be whoever he wanted to be and he'd become a melodramatic crybaby who hid his face from the world rather than face it. Hw whined and complained, building his mask on variations of his love's own, as well as dramatized renditions of people he'd met since then. He crafted it and honed it so well that many didn't know it was a fake until he'd already slipped past their guard and slit their throat. It was what had made the other arcobaleno realize that he could be dangerous.

Yet he knew that his family, particularly his siblings, would see it all automatically.

The pain, the anger, the betrayal, and loneliness would be laid bare for them all to see and he wasn't ready for that.

Probably never would be.

It made him feel like the coward Colonello and Reborn always accused him of being.

Arriving at the Sawada residence, he parked his bike and for a moment, allowed himself to breathe, resting his head on his handlebars in weary resignation. His arms wrapped themselves around his middle in a sad parody of a hug, memories bombarding him in a torrent of bottled up emotions.

His parents. Their cold condemnation.

"How dare you embarrass our family that way!" His father roared, glaring at him with a hatred in his gaze that he'd never seen directed at him. "To dare flaunt your dalliance with that creature as war builds on the horizon, despicable!"

"Don't call him that! Magnus has done nothing but help us!" He snapped back, feeling his heart break at the genuine disgust in the elder male's voice.

Why?

Why was falling in love with someone who loved him back so wrong?

Why didn't they love him like they loved his siblings?

Why wasn't he good enough?

His mother joined the tirade, her voice soft, but no less painful.

"You would choose that creature over your own family?"

"Mother, I-"

"Would you?"

"I love him," He whispered brokenly, watching as disgust flashed in both of their gazes. With a bruising grip, she forced him to meet her eyes, the identical pools of blue, cold and dark, with a gleam of pity hidden in their depths.

"You don't know what love is. That...man will take everything from you."

She wasn't wrong.

He saw his siblings, their love for him and their admiration of him.

"Did you really slay you first demon at eleven?"

Alec shrugged slightly at his baby brother's question, even as Izzy and Jace both nodded eagerly.

Max beamed.

"That's so cool. I can't wait to fight my first demon."

Izzy snorted. "Alec would kill it before it ever laid a hand on you."

Jace chuckled and Alec flushed slightly. Max just grinned at him, yet they all knew it was the truth.

Still a flood of warmth filled him as he watched the three of them.

This. This was his reason for fighting.

Magnus.

Magnus.

Magnus was the first and only person he'd ever dared to let into his heart, even with his former crush on Jace. He'd loved Magnus more than he'd ever loved anyone else, and that love had only grown over the years they'd been apart.

And now, he was here. Just as handsome as he'd been all those years ago.

By the angel, he really wanted to run.

"Are you alright?" He jumped startled, having not heard the young decimo's approach. With a glance, he realized that everyone was present, including the his siblings and Magnus, all watching him with concern in his eyes.

Luckily, he'd put his helmet back on before journeying back to the Sawada residence, so no one could see his expression.

So he lied.

"I'm fine. C'mon let's get inside." Jace sent him a look, as did the decimo, but the teen nodded and led them inside. Once they were all settled, Nana moved into the kitchen, bringing out tray of tea and a few cups.

"Where have you been?" Izzy began, glaring at him. "The Clave sent a missive calling you back two years ago but they all returned unopened."

He shrugged. "Italy, mostly. Spent the first two years of my banishment with a travelling circus."

Fon scowled. "You were banished from the Clave? How? Barring treason, there is very little that can lead to banishment."

A humourless chuckle left the cloud. "Actually, banishment was my levied sentence. My original sentence was deRuning and execution."

Magnus gasped sharply, his dark eyes full of guilt and pain. " What were the charges?"

"Treason, homosexuality, and heresy. Lady Herondale levied the sentence to banishment due to my actions against Valentine."

The older man scowled. "We were told that the eldest Lightwood was away on a long-term mission for the Clave. Why the lie?"

"The Lightwoods are the single most influential family of the Clave, even moreso than the Herondale line. It's why our parents were never charged for the crimes they committed while working for Valentine during the first war."

Reborn scowled. "What is this "Clave"? Why would they kill you for your sexual preferences?"

Skull sighed. "Like the Mafia, the Clave is an underground society. However, unlike the Mafia, they are stricter about consorting outside of the clave as well as same sex relationships. Relationships with downworlders was punishable by derunement, but-" He glanced at Simon and Izzy. "I'm assuming it isn't anymore or the two of you wouldn't be married."

His sister grinned. "Nope. The law was repealed a few years ago, as was the law against homosexuality." Her grin softened. "You can come home, big brother."

The arcobaleno tensed at her words and but relaxed as their cloud shook his head. "I've made a life for myself here in the mundane world. The clave is not my home anymore."

"You're a shadowhunter, Alec! You can't just abandon that duty to play mundane!" Clary snapped and he stilled at her words, cloud flames flaring before he leashed them.

In his years away from the Clave he had grown to love his freedom, and though he was inverted, he shared the same desire as his fellow clouds not to be chained down. More so, his sky chafed at the thought of bowing his neck to the Elders once more.

"That is enough," The baby Decimo cut in, orange gaze sharp as it bore into the red headed woman. "From what we've heard, Skull owes your society nothing. You have no right to come here and try to force him to return to a place that has done nothing but scorn him for who he is, and who he chose to love."

Reborn nodded in agreement. "Skull is ours," He snarled and Magnus glared at him, then turned to Skull.

"Alexander, are you truly happy here? Enough that you'd leave your family, your duty, behind?"

A low broken chuckle left Skull's lips, more haunted than any they'd ever heard from him. "Yes. I stopped being a shadowhunter the moment the Clave banished me when I was the only one fighting in their name. When I was the one following orders and baring the brunt of the consequences for everyone else's bad decisions. I'm tired of conforming to the image of perfect soldier and being the only person to have to face any of the consequences."

His lips curled into a slight smile. "Here, I'm free. I can be whoever I want to be and I'm not chained down."

His former lover sighed, but smiled sadly. "And yet, instead of being yourself you've hidden behind another mask."

The younger shrugged, but didn't deny it, and all the other arcobaleno stared at him curiously.

"Lackey," Reborn growled lowly, and Skull raised an eyebrow at him. "What does he mean, by mask?"

His lackey chuckled. "I should start by telling you, that you don't scare me and that if I really wanted to, I could've killed you at anytime."