It's a war inside of him, caught between the knowledge that people will always cause hurt, that earlier – it can't have been more than minutes earlier surely – he had scared Nem and attacked him, and the bone-deep certainty that Moony could never hurt him.
(That's a lie. That's a lie he's told himself before. He remembers it in blurred images and he can't tell if it's from the dementors or the adrenaline.)
He pulls away from Moony without fully intending to and forces himself not to notice the disappointment on his face. People always hurt and disappointed people always hurt worse. There's a sick, stinging feeling in his stomach.
(There's a great, gaping hole where his mind used to be.)
He follows Moony and the auror out of the room and back to Nem and the others. There are so many of them; had they all always been here? How had he missed that? What else had he missed? It was the rooms, he thinks to himself, there're so many different rooms here and so many things to pay attention to.
He's almost glad. He recognises enough of the people in the room. He recognises the minister – the one who gave him the paper – he knows where this goes. He'll be heading back to his room soon.
He won't have to pay attention to anything more than the darkness anymore. So. He's almost glad.
(Almost is Harry's face shining up at him, the expression tugging at him – he's seen it before, he knows it already, it's so full of love and hope – it might as well be unique to the boy because he sure as hell can't remember when he would have seen it on Jimmy.
Almost is Jimmy – no one called him Jimmy, did they? Only his mother, soft at night. Only Sirius himself, torn up and wet with tears and blood, with nowhere else to go and begging in his arms.
Almost is Lily, handing her baby boy over to him with a smile and a laugh. Trusting him to keep them safe.)
He's going to forget everything again.
He keeps his head down and doesn't meet anyone's eye as they discuss events. Peter isn't here, and he had been earlier hadn't he? Did they let him go?
He starts laughing at the thought, unable to stop; had Peter tricked them all again?