June 25, 2017
- Carol -
Seven years ago, Carol was still afraid of her own damn shadow half the time. With Ed still alive and tainting every part of hers and Sophia's lives, it makes sense. Even after all this time, it still sometimes jolts her when trained fighters scurry out of her way as if she was a wrathful warrior out of some old mythology. Her role as a soldier in securing this false Sanctuary for its residents is done, so now it's the mother in control.
Maybe they're right to be concerned, even the ones who know and recognize her. All the desperate rage that's boiled under her skin since the day the radio message came that her children had disappeared feels like it just might ignite now that she's so close to her daughter again. Danny's lost to them forever, Logan will never fully recover, and no matter how many times Jazz and Ezekiel tell her that Honey is okay, she has to see for herself.
Leaving Logan under Cricket's care feels almost like splitting her goddamned soul right now, but just like leaving her two youngest children far away in Georgia under Lori's able care for the last month was the right thing to do, so is this. She has to see her daughter with her own two eyes and know that Honey is okay. Cricket is a trained physician, and Sophia is also there to champion her younger brother in any way he needs.
Spotting the tall, lean form ahead of her with a small cluster of people being directed in the final stages of cleanup, Carol comes to a halt.
"Hannah Catherine."
Honey's reaction is as immediate as every child when their parent calls their name. Turning, her expression runs a gamut of emotions from fear to relief to need before Carol's enveloped in a bone-crushing hug that she returns with equal force. It's times like this that Carol wishes she were taller, like Lori or Scout, because there's no way she can spirit her grown child away like every instinct screams for her to do when grown or not, the 'Mama' spoken when Honey kisses Carol's temple sounds absolutely broken.
But her girl is a Dixon through and through, so despite blinking away tears, Honey straightens, keeping an arm around Carol's shoulders. "Come meet my people."
Carol lets herself be led away and introduced to the Saviors that Honey deems hers, not the madman's who founded this place. Taking careful note of them, Carol remains wary of how deep their newfound loyalty might be. After Hilltop, it will be a cold day in hell before she trusts anyone outside of her own people with staying loyal to her children.
Although she was the first Dixon to make it to Honey's side after Sanctuary was secured, she isn't the last. Merle sweeps in as Honey dismisses her small ragtag band now helping her lead this place, with only Eugene staying close. It's while Merle has Honey scooped literally off her feet that Carol has time to assess Honey's partner.
Always loyal to a fault where her daughter is concerned, Eugene is watching Honey with a level of caution that makes Carol want to march over to the makeshift jail and set every last one of the captured soldiers on fire. He catches her looking, far more aware of others than he was when they first met and gives a little jerk of his head.
"Guiya hamafak."
Eugene's softly spoken words barely reach Carol's ears, and her brain stumbles to translate the Chamorro to English. She is fragile.
Not for the first time in the past month, Carol understands the need for violence. Eugene wraps a hand around her bicep, grip just firm enough to comfort her. Further conversation is swept away by the arrival of the rest of the family that was part of today's militia. When Merle steps aside to let the others reunite with Honey, Eugene disappears unobtrusively as soon as the eldest Dixon is at Carol's side.
"This place is an unsustainable clusterfuck," Merle mutters, looking around.
Carol has to agree with him. Despite evidence that Honey and Eugene worked to secure and improve the place, the assholes who turned on their own most vulnerable here destroyed a significant amount of the place's defenses and sabotaged the plumbing system. They've shored up the fencing to keep out any undesirables for tonight, but in the long term, Sanctuary has fallen. Dusk is falling fast, so any major decisions can't be implemented until morning.
"She won't leave these people. Not even the soldiers," she observes.
Merle sighs deeply. "Of course not. And not even Homestead can take in this many people."
How terrorists like the Governor and this Negan can manage to collect up such large numbers of vulnerable people is something Carol wishes she could understand. It's a mystery that can't be solved tonight. They have just over a hundred trained fighters and over three hundred civilians that have to be transported and housed somewhere.
"We see how many each community can take and offer those spots to those willing to go. Not everyone will want to stay with the remnants of the Saviors, even if they did fight alongside some of them in the end. Then we deal with resettling whoever is left."
The selfish part of Carol wants to throw Honey in a Humvee and drive straight back to the train station outside Hilltop and take her right back to Homestead. In the end, she knows she couldn't live with herself to abandon the vulnerable here, any more than Honey could.
"I'll take Shane and Scout to start coordinating on the radio. You get our girl somewhere she can get some rest. She looks like she's about to drop where she stands." Merle kisses her forehead, his hug nearly as tight as Honey's before he interrupts the reunion to pluck his assistants out of the group.
That gives Carol the opening to slip in and snake her arm around Honey's waist, taking in the signs of exhaustion Merle noticed. "C'mon, sweetheart. They'll be okay if you sleep for a few hours. Our family will make sure of it."
Honey doesn't respond right away, looking around and nodding as she notices everything really is under control for now. She leads Carol into one of the larger buildings of the old resort, with Amber and the older woman introduced as her mother following. The suite they enter shows little of the personality Honey normally plasters onto her living quarters, which relieves Carol more than she wants to admit. It won't pain her daughter to leave this place.
"Maybe you should take our room tonight," Amber suggests hesitantly, her gaze darkening as she looks toward one of the doors. "Mom and I can sleep on the pullout."
Nodding, Honey still heads for the offending door. When Carol follows, she sees more signs that Honey and Eugene have been here, since the room looks more like a workshop than a bedroom in a once deluxe hotel.
"I need to shower," Honey says, tone flat in the way Carol knows is hiding emotion. "I still feel his blood on my skin."
The horror of that statement clings to Carol, her mind going to Beth sobbing in Hershel's arms days after Homestead was attacked. The younger Greene had nightmares for weeks about stabbing the Governor, even though she knew it was necessary. The monster hadn't even died from the wound, but that didn't lessen the impact on Beth, which hit her far harder than the sniper work she'd done earlier in the battle.
It seems that Honey is reacting similarly because today isn't the first time she's killed, Carol knows. That horrific milestone passed years before when the Wolves attempted to slaughter the people of Shirewilt. But as far as Carol knows, despite the years of training with her karambit, Honey's never used the knife on a living person before, not like Scout has.
She hopes Negan fucking suffered before he died for everything he did to these people and for the darkness flickering behind Honey's eyes in a way that it never did before.
But Honey doesn't need to hear that, so Carol helps her strip away clothing stained with blood, sweat, and filth. The shower doesn't take long, but afterward, Honey seems to be searching for clothing in a basket, not a drawer. Her jerky, almost frantic motions make Carol's breath catch.
"What are you looking for? Let me help you find it."
The soothing tone works to gain Honey's attention and calm her down. "There's a shirt of Eugene's…"
Nudging her aside gently, Carol doesn't recognize the first two she finds, but at the bottom, caught inside a long sleeve shirt, she finds a familiar-looking Star Trek shirt. "This one?"
"Thank you." Honey grabs the shirt, dropping her towel and tugging it on along with a pair of boxers from a basket of folded laundry nearby. She stumbles toward Carol, hugging her tightly, and the minute trembling in her frame reminds Carol of Eugene's words. Honey is teetering on the edge, near shattering, and there's so much unknown here that Carol doesn't know how to save her yet.
Instead, she guides Honey out of the room, taking guidance from Amber's wish for Honey not to stay in this room. Amber is waiting for them, just finishing remaking the bed with fresh bedding. Honey climbs in without speaking to the blonde, who tugs the sheet and blanket up to cover Honey before easing out of the room.
Carol takes a seat on the bed, running a hand over Honey's still damp curls, which causes her daughter to wriggle closer, laying her head in Carol's lap. Treating her as if she were years younger, Carol begins to gently finger comb through the dark locks. Honey's eyes droop closed almost instantly as she mumbles an I love you.
"I love you, too, Honey. Get some sleep. I'll be here as long as you need me to be."
Just when Carol thinks Honey is asleep, Honey speaks. "I still feel the blood. I'm going to dream about the blood."
There's nothing Carol hates more than feeling helpless, and her gut churns with a mixture of impotent rage and painful sympathy for Honey. "If you do, I'll wake you up. I promise."
It's enough, it seems because Honey's breathing finally settles and she sleeps.
Tomorrow will be time enough to tell Honey what happened at Hilltop and find out the true extent of what happened here. Tonight, Carol will guard her child's sleep with the same diligence that she delivered the consequences of betrayal to that feckless community.
- Merle -
Merle signs off the radio call to Ezekiel and rubs a hand over his face tiredly. Ezekiel's bombshell is one he isn't sure how to share with the others here.
He can see Shane and Scout in separate Humvees, each relaying to their own list of leaders. Shane looks disgruntled, but he'd volunteered to notify Hilltop that at least some of the culprits who killed their people were in custody. It has to be a throwback to Shane's days as a deputy to be making notifications like that and probably not a good one. Scout looks damn near bored, because she's never enjoyed directly working with community leadership, but most of her task had involved Georgian locations, who have less of a stake in things here.
Movement on a balcony where they erected the temporary tower to boost radio signal draws Merle's attention. He can't imagine why Eugene is still up there, so he gets out of the Humvee and goes to see what's keeping the man. They don't need to lose their long-range access right now.
When Merle reaches the room, he calls out for Eugene, not wanting to startle the younger man after the day Eugene's had. It's a good thing because even with that audible warning, Eugene draws his weapon with admirable speed and instinct.
"Sorry." The quiet apology is followed by Eugene holstering his gun before turning back to the equipment in front of him.
"Everything okay?"
Nodding his head jerkily, Eugene sighs. "Should keep power with this solar cell even if the generator fails for the rest of the place."
"We're trying to find places for everyone to go. If you can keep it patched together here for a week at most, we'll find everyone a home."
Eugene's mouth twists in a bitter grimace when he looks up. "They'd have this one if I hadn't been sloppy."
No one seems to really know why things went to shit today. It's the downside of how close to the vest Negan played everything, because the captured soldiers don't know why they were ordered to turn on the workers an hour after Negan left. They had obeyed, many just overjoyed to be sadistic, as far as Merle can tell, although one admitted the sabotage was their own addition.
"How were you sloppy?"
"I made him suspicious." Pressing his hand against the face of his leather-covered watch in the self-comforting gesture Merle's seen him use for years, Eugene's shoulders slump even further, as if he's trying to disappear. "I thought Honey was in danger, and I forgot to stay in character."
Merle stiffens, going closer to crouch next to where Eugene is kneeling near his equipment. This whole fucking place feels like a danger to his daughter, but whatever is bothering Eugene is specific, Merle thinks. "How was she in danger?"
"He found out she is pregnant."
Grunting in surprise and deciding to deal with the reality of a future grandchild later, it at least explains why Honey looks like death warmed over. Early pregnancy didn't agree with her last time, either. Merle catches Eugene's eye when he looks back up. "He didn't like that?"
"I think he liked it too much. So much he killed his own second in command. Today? She was supposed to kill hers."
The evidence of just how close that part came to reality is still evident on Eugene's skin, where a half-inch cut is scabbed just below his Adam's apple. Merle had wanted to believe the radio operator at the Kingdom was hallucinating when they revealed Honey had her knife to Eugene's throat, but the evidence is right there. She'd bought enough time, though, and they'd turned the first battle without even the help of Merle's people arriving.
"That's not your fault, Eugene."
There are tears in the younger man's eyes when he looks up and his hands are shaking. "People died today that didn't have to because I forgot to play the fool when I was supposed to. One of them was a child."
Grown man or not, when Eugene's voice breaks on that last word, Merle hauls him into his arms the same as he would any of his kids. "That's not your fucking fault. It's the monsters who turned guns on unarmed people."
"I should have been smarter."
Anything else is lost as emotion finally overwhelms Eugene, so all Merle can do is wait it out. He hasn't ever seen Eugene so distraught, not even after the brutal beating Abraham gave him when the lie about having a cure was revealed. A sound behind Merle makes him reach for his weapon, only to see Scout in the doorway.
"He should be with Honey." Something dark flickers across Scout's expression as she speaks, but Merle knows it's not directed at Eugene. It's Scout's same selfish, yet not, sense of wanting to protect something that's hers at all costs. She isn't going to like the news from the Kingdom at all, especially as they catalog more and more of the atrocities these people endured the last few years - and that her sister and Eugene witnessed and experienced.
"Yeah." Merle can't agree more. Whatever Honey and Eugene have endured here, together is how they manage to get past it. Eugene is barely aware, finally succumbing to the same fatigue that Merle recognized in Honey earlier. "Help me get him there."
Carol may have disappeared with Honey, but Merle didn't miss Tim trailing his wife and daughter like an angular shadow, sniper rifle slung along his back. He's proved right when the former Ranger answers his call on the handheld quickly to give directions.
The room Tim is standing guard outside turns out to be a large suite. Merle recognizes Amber, who is reading next to her sleeping mother in the pullout bed in the main area of the suite. She points to one of the doors when she sees Eugene with them. Something about that propels Eugene to move of his own accord, stumbling away from his escorts to the open door.
Scout watches Eugene go, but Merle isn't surprised when her eyes narrow and she goes to sit in the armchair near Amber. Long day or not for these people, he suspects Amber's about to be interrogated and hopes Scout at least attempts something near polite.
Merle follows Eugene instead, figuring Carol is with Honey since he doesn't see her anywhere. He's missed part of a conversation between Carol and Eugene, and the latter carefully strips away weaponry and outer clothing. Honey rouses as Carol eases out of the bed, startling awake and reaching for Carol.
"I'm only leaving because Eugene's here," Carol tells Honey, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I won't go far, I promise."
Honey responds to the shifting of the mattress as Eugene sits down behind her, rolling over to tug him prone beside her. Once they're lying facing each other, she places her fingers beside the cut on his throat and makes a pained sound. "Does it still hurt? It was bleeding earlier… I cut you, Eugene. God, I cut your throat."
The horror in Honey's voice makes Carol's breath hitch as she halts near Merle's side, and he glances at her in concern, but she shakes her head. Later, then.
To Merle's eternal gratitude, Eugene shakes his head, capturing her fingers and kissing them. "I'm fine, Hannah. You did the right thing to buy us enough time. I knew you wouldn't hurt me."
Carol grabs Merle by the elbow and tugs him out of the room, closing the door almost all the way. She takes a deep breath as she wraps her arms around his waist and leans against his chest as he rubs her back. "She kept talking about blood on her hands even after she showered," Carol mutters. "I thought she meant that madman's. God, no wonder she thought she'd have nightmares."
"I think we need to fill in a lot of blanks," Merle declares, glancing to where Scout is having an intense conversation with Amber. It doesn't seem to be disturbing the sleeping woman next to Amber, at least.
Carol follows his line of sight and nods. "Answers sound really damn good right now."
That's an understatement if Merle ever heard one. They can't help patch Honey and Eugene back together without them, and regardless of Honey's insistence on saving the people here, in the end, Merle's family will come first in what needs to be fixed, always.