A moment passes and then the large, ornate maple doors are opened a fraction to allow the person on the other to peek through the crack. Once they decide she's cool beans, the doors open wide to reveal an older man in a suit smiling brightly. She grins widely at seeing her favorite human butler (huh, since the last time she visited, being a human butler has actually become an option and not a given). "Alfred! It's so good to see you!" she exclaims before she engulfs in a gigantic bear hug.
"Ms. Lewis, how good it is to see you again! It certainly has been quite some time!" he greets, his British accent heavy in his voice. Apparently, the best butlers are British if Jarvis and Alfred are anything to go by. Friday, bless her circuits, is great, but Jarvis still has her beat by a bit.
"It's Darcy, Alfred. We're friends," she reminds him gently. And they are. Ever since she was little, he's been like an uncle to her.
"Of course, Darcy. My apologies," he says.
"Hey, it's all good, Alfred. So, how are you?" she asks as she's ushered into the crazy huge, pretty much overcompensating mansion, pulling her couple of suitcases behind her. Alfred may be Bruce's butler, but he sure as hell is not hers. He's her friend, and she'll be damned if he does shit for her that she is completely capable of doing herself. Being Bruce's butler, the poor dude damn well deserves a break every once in a while, and she's perfectly happy to give it to him.
As he shows her to her rooms, they chat and catch up on each other's lives. She fills him in on all the latest details of her "new" (if around six months can be counted as new still) job as the Avengers Liaison. He tells her all about the recipes he's been trying during his free time and all the adventures he's had as the butler for Bruce Wayne. They laugh and visit just the way old friends do when it's been months since they last saw each other. Somehow, miraculously, she manages to keep the topic of her many, many, lots of kidnappings out of their conversation, which means that Jay is also not brought up aside from Alfred commenting of how troublesome he's been for Batman recently. Darcy gives herself a hearty pat on the back for that. Not the trouble, just the not bringing up her monthly kidnappings.
Once they find her suite (because of course, Bruce couldn't just give his one—and only but favorite—cousin one room, Odin, Thor, and Valkyrie forbid), Alfred leaves her to get settled in and unpacked with a smile. Darcy immediately turns on her relaxing Indie tunes, perfect for unpacking and de-stressing after a day of travel. She may have used Stark transport, but it was still traveling, and Darcy has never been the best when it comes to traveling. After everything has been put into drawers or laid out just the way she likes it, Darcy falls gracelessly face first onto the king-sized, over the top, grandiose, comfortable as hell bed with a sigh of contentment. Listening to the music softly crooning in the background at a low volume, Darcy finds herself lulled into the land of dreams and imagination.
Sometime later, plucked out of a perfectly good dream about a hot man—that absolutely does not look at all like Jay in the slightest, no ma'am—waiting on her every need as she, Nat, Pepper, Jane, Maria,and Helen ruled the world, all the while wearing her favorite pair of crystal embedded Ralph and Russo pumps, Darcy is startled awake by the abrupt slamming of doors. She flops like a fish onto her back and jerks into a sitting position and opens her eyes to find that her dearest, soon to be dead cousin, Bruce Wayne, in all of his self-appointed glory has stormed into her suite, and she's really sure that, despite most likely having been too deep in her dream to really notice, he probably, most definitely didn't bother to knock, judging by the enraged look on his face. Cuz cool mad people don't bother to knock, just like in the movies.
"Oi, I'm sleeping here, buddy! Also, knocking is a fucking thing people do!" she moans as she fully regains consciousness. "What's got your boxers in a twist, Mr. Storm-into-People's-Rooms-without-Warning? Not enough variety in models to choose from?"
"My house," he retorts immediately, apparently choosing to ignore the rest of her questions. Humph, rude.
"Yeah, and you gave me this suite, so my rooms, Brucey," she replies easily. "Besides, you could've just knocked on my bedroom door and then waited in my living room. Like a normal person. Oh, wait, Nat and Clint both do that, and they're definitely not normal, so, let me rephrase that. Ahem, like a decent person!"
"You wouldn't have gotten up," is the only pathetic explanation he offers. She scowls.
"Urgh, damnit, Darcy!" he growls suddenly. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Darcy Lewis blinks, truly unimpressed.
"Lots of things," she says without any thought or shame. She blinks again and actually processes what he's just asked her. "Woah, hold it right there, cousin. You're not so perfect either! Where do you get off on the crazy train?! What the fuck is this all about? If you're gonna yell at me for shit, I have the right to know exactly which shit you're yelling at me for!"
"What is this?" he hisses as he tosses a small box on the bed in her direction. He stands with his arms crossed over his chest and an "I'm disappointed in you" stance that just doesn't even compete in the same league as Steve's "America is disappointed in you" puppy eyes. She arches an eyebrow, unaffected, and then reaches over and opens the box.
Inside the small box, probably not much bigger than Bruce's hand if she were to compare them, she finds purple wrapping tissue the same shade as Jay's weird crocodile scale coat, already messed up and showing signs of being violently torn apart by someone. No need to guess who; he's standing right there. Under the tissue paper, Darcy finds an absolutely gorgeous silver, delicate bracelet with emeralds inlaid and a tiny, amethyst "J" charm dangling from the chain. She lifts the jewelry out of the box with awe to get a better look at it. The piece truly is stunning and most definitely worth thousands of dollars. Just from the elegance of the charm and the colors of the jewels, she knows just who sent it. Judging by the dark look on Bruce's face, he's come to the same conclusion. However, just in case there's the slightest percent that it's not the person she'd thinking of, she checks inside the box for a note, which she finds easily at the bottom.
Was robbin' a shop, saw this, and thought we should have bestie bracelets.
See ya soon, Sugar!
Jay
The message was scrawled in loopy but scratchy handwriting. Yep, it's official. Darcy Lewis and the Joker have best friend/frenemy/whatever they are bracelets, or at least, she has one from him. As she gets over the oddness of suddenly having a gift from Jay, she vaguely wonders if he got himself something and what it is, or if he wants her to get him something, which she wouldn't know what to get. What does a girl get for a guy who kidnaps her but then becomes her rescuer and then possibly believes he's her lover? Darcy's pretty sure there isn't a Hallmark card or gift for that.
Staring at the surprising, completely unexpected, but not entirely unwelcome gift, Darcy doesn't try to stop the smile on her lips. He may be a wacknut in need of some serious help and King of Crime, but, damn, Jay so totally knows how to pick out his jewelry. Hmm, maybe next time she has to decide accessories for a fancy schmancy event, she could get him to help? She's pretty sure he'd totally do it. Now, all she has to do is nab his number without anyone (specifically him) getting any weird ideas, even though he is the Joker, so that happens regardless.
"Darcy!" Bruce shouts, rudely interrupting her thought process.
"What? Hmm? Yeah?" she mumbles, eyeing him.
"What the fuck is this?" he demands, gesturing to the new gift. Her gaze darts back to the bracelet and gets a potential idea for if she decides it's necessary to get Jay something. He's always wearing those chain necklace thingies, so maybe something like that? Maybe some expensive lipstick? He seems like the type of person who'd appreciate that. She could get him some of Rihanna's—the goddess—Fenty lipstick. Don't they boast about trying real hard to make sure that everyone has a color that matches their skin tone? Yep, she'll get him that.
"A bracelet, genius," she replies immediately without much more thought. Seriously, her big boy cousin has to have taken such items off women, or at least seen them wearing them, to know what it is he's currently staring at. He can't be that hopeless, can he? "Hey, where'd you find this anyway?"
Apparently, he doesn't appreciate her mild teasing as much as she does. "Damnit, Darce! I know it's a fucking bracelet," he growls, patience with her obviously wearing thin and clearly exasperated. "Why the hell is the goddamned Joker of all people gifting you, my cousin, a bracelet? Alfred found it on a counter in the dining room for fuck's sake!"
She sighs. "Bruce, calm down! Wow, self-important much?" she starts before being interrupted.
"I am calm, Darcy. This is me being calm," he howls out through clenched teeth. She watched unimpressed as he opens and closes his fists before beginning to pace, angered irritation laced in each step he takes. She elects to ignore him after a moment of observing.
"Nothing good happens when people yell, only more yelling." He doesn't stop pacing at her comment, but he does remain silent as he lets his confused rage out on the flooring, which Darcy takes to mean that he wants her to continue on and explain herself.
"Dude, I don't know! Why does Jay do anything?"
He spins and faces her abruptly. "Jay? You're on nickname-basis with the most notorious villain in Gotham City, the most crime-riddled city in the U.S. and maybe even the world?" He blinks and returns to pacing, still trying to understand even just an iota of the incredulity of the entire situation.
"Yep. Anyways, I mean, sure, we're bros. We're cool, but I never thought he'd ever get me a gift out of the blue like this, especially jewelry, like this—" Bruce stops pacing once again to simply stare at her with a calculating eye.
"Wait, you're 'bros?' Why did that happen? How did you two even meet in the first place for this to have ever happened at all? You don't even visit Gotham City all that often, much less live in the fucking place!" She stares right back as he arches an eyebrow accusingly. What he's accusing her of, she's not sure nor does she care all that much to find out. "Besides, you may be on the news all the time, but you always manage to keep our relationship close to secret!"
"Eh, there was a mix-up or something, he found those files on me that fucking S.H.I.E.L.D. dropped—and I really do blame S.H.I.E.L.D, not Nat, because the poor thing was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and she chose a different call—and he ended up kidnaping me for one reason or other," she tells him with a casual shrug. "We're totally bros and hoes now though."
"What? He kidnapped you? Goddamnit, Darcy, this is why I don't like you working with the Avengers the way you do! It's too dangerous. I should never have let you—"
"Hold it right there, Bruce I'm Too Cool to Have a Middle Name Wayne. You are my cousin, not my brother no matter how close we are, and even if you were, I wouldn't stand for you saying shit like that to me. You don't own me, and you certainly don't just let me do jackshit anything. I chose to work with my team. You certainly didn't let me. Besides, even if I decided to stay with you like you've always wanted, who the fuck says living with you is any safer. You may be a billionaire like Tony, but there's only one of you compared to the whole shebang of them, let alone his Iron Legion," she scoffs. "Leave it, Brucey. It's in the past. It's already happened, and I absolutely do not want you to run yourself ragged trying to find a way to change it."
He stares at her with a concerned frown. After a few minutes of tense silence between the two relatives with him analyzing her face for something and her not meeting his stare with a bored one of her own, he huffs and lets his arms drop to his side. "Fuck, Darcy, I just want you to be safe. I don't like this. I mean, he knew exactly when you'd fucking be here. Doesn't that scare you at all?"
"Yep, a bit, but I can't really do anything about it. Even if I did try to do something, he'd find out anyway. Plus, it's really no different than the monitoring that you and the others have on me, which is still creepy no matter how you spin the whole 'for your own protection' thing, by the way. Bit of a lost cause, that one. Besides, he may have kidnapped me once, but he's also rescued me multiple times too so that kinda makes up for it. If the bracelet is anything to go by, I don't think he's gonna be trying to kill me anytime soon. Who kills someone right after they give them a fuckawesome gift? No one."
He scowls and huffs again after she's done speaking. Then he reaches into his pocket for something and throws whatever the thing is at her. She catches it with a surprised blink. In her hands is a sticker like thing in the shape of a tiny, curvy leaf. However, as she runs her fingertips over it, she knows it's no ordinary sticker. She rolls her eyes and snorts. "You literally just made my case. Well, at least you have the decency to let me know you're putting a tracker on me," she mutters sarcastically.
"Put it on something you always have with you, like your phone," he orders stubbornly.
Again, she rolls her eyes but nods. "Fine, but only if you promise not to go all unnecessarily overprotective cousin with too much money on me and stalk my every move like I highly suspect you want to, alright?" she acquiesces.
"I won't," he tells her seriously. She mostly believes that he intends to keep his word, but she knows him too well. At least he's not trying to hide the fact that he's tracking her. She just hopes he really won't stalk her every move like a creepy-ass wanker.
"I'm still not okay with this, you know," he deigns to remind her again.
"Yeah, I know, Bruceykins, but there is not a whole lot you can actually do about it. Plus, you don't actually have to be okay with it. I value your advice, but it's still my life and my rules," she says with a wink. Then he leaves the room with a righteous furry, probably to go kill a few punching bags or something like that to let out his toiling emotions.
Bruce finally gone and Darcy now fully awake, she decides to check her phone in case anyone tried to contact her, which she's pretty sure someone has because she had promised to call once she arrived but then fell asleep on the gathering of fluffy clouds Bruce calls a mattress. Surprisingly, there are only ten lengthy voicemails and about forty texts waiting for her from various Avengers and friends. All in all, not too bad. Browsing through them and then replying to people, she is impressed to find that Tony and Clint only threaten a call to an assemble twice, Thor and Vision only threaten to split the world apart in all caps only once, and Steve, Sam, and SCIENCE! Brucey only threaten to start a manhunt for her once. All this while her Boss Babes—Natasha, Maria, Janey, Pepper, Wanda, and Helen—say that if she doesn't show them proof that she's still alive and fine in the next hour, which is actually only a couple minutes now, collectively agree and imply in their own special way that they're going to start a war with the underground of Gotham looking for her. A total win.
After answering every text and solidly reassuring everyone that she's totes fine and just fell asleep before remembering to call, she decides that her catnap had been enough sleep for now and gets up. Then she decides that she wants liquid in the form of her favorite caffeinated smoothie from her favorite café in Gotham. Gelato infused chai latté smoothie, here she comes!
Alfred ends up volunteering to drive her down the long road into Gotham and then drops her off, as per her request. Left alone in a city she used to know once long ago, she wanders and takes it all in. Despite it being actual years since she last roamed the crime-ridden streets, it hasn't changed enough for her to be lost, so she easily finds her way to Crooked and Cracked, one of the very best cafés she can safely say she's ever visited in her whole life. Staring up at the sign with a fond look, she revels in simply being for a few hours.
Of course, that's when the world goes black.
Well, at least she got to finish the last dredges of her drink! Darcy Lewis, always putting a positive spin on things…like getting kidnapped…again.
Happy 2018! I hope you enjoyed this installment! I'm already working on the next one! Let me know what you think! I love hearing from all of you, even if I don't end up replying to them all. You make my day!