It was the end of the showing of the new film The Suicide Squad at the local movie theater. Moviegoers were leaving the theater, and by the numbers that were piling out, you could guess that there probably wasn't much space for social distancing in there! Hope they kept their masks on when they weren't slurping down the ICEEs and chowing the popcorn, eh?

Leaving the theater were three familiar caped crusaders who are coming to a big screen near you in 2022 – aw, who the hell are we kidding? Coronavirus made movies its bitch. Anyways, the Batmen – Ben Affleck, Michael Keaton, and Robert Pattinson had just caught the new film The Suicide Squad.

"So what did you guys think?" Batfleck asked. "I really hope I didn't just waste my buckaroos coverin' for you all."

"Bro, you're like rich. I'm rich, he's rich, we're all rich. Batman is like rich." Battinston said.

"Yeah, but now I'm like less rich than I was a few minutes ago. That don't sit right with me." Batfleck grumbled.

"It gets better, son. But I don't really see why we had to risk Coronavirus for this movie." BatKeaton interjected, giving Batfleck a night friendly manpat on the back. "Ain't this flick also on HBO Max, which you youngsters have?"

Battinson shrugged. "But then we'd have to use HBO Max."

"Yeah. You're right. Between that and Coronavirus I dunno which one is worse." BatKeaton realized. "But this was an enjoyable enough use of two hours. Was no Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead though."

"You know what was more than enjoyable though? Remember Pig?" Battinson thought about their movie date a couple weeks ago. "Now that was a movie."

"It showed me that like men, movies are still good." Batfleck nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, that was one worth risking the disease for." BatKeaton said of the film Pig, starring Nicolas Cage that you can still catch in theaters now or better yet in the safety of your home thanks to VOD! "This one, I liked all the blood and killing, but you know – ain't somethin' too special 'bout blood and killing in the movies. Some cartoon shark tearing some poor brown guy apart don't measure up to that time I put some dynamite on a guy and blew him up. With a smile."

"Hah! Now that was a kill! Or that time you turned the Batmobile around and lit up that sap!" Batfleck flashed his predecessor two thumbs-up.

"You blowing up that Ivan in Batman versus Superman was fire, too!" BatKeaton reminded him.

"God! War on crime! It's fantastic!" Battinson hooted then suggested. "Hey, let's go home! Order some curry! Get stoned! Watch Miami Vice!"

"Hey Bat-Bro, how'd you know I'm a fiend for mojitos?" Batfleck beamed with pleasant surprise.

"Cause y'know, Batman's a fiend for mojitos. AND I'M BATMAN. And you're Batman too. WE ARE BATMAN!" The Batmen all laughed and high-fived each other.

"Y'know, Suicide Squad's fun and all. But still, it's no Bad Boys for Life." Batfleck said. The other two Batmen hooted in agreement and screamed at the top of their lungs, beating their chests like gorillas before pumping their arms high in the sky. "BAD BOYS FOR LIFE! WE RIDE TOGETHER, WE DIE TOGETHER!"

"Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatchu gonna do, whatchu gonna do when dey come for youuuuuu~!" The Batmen danced arm in arm and sang their way out of the movie theater, proceeding to the parking lot where their Batmobiles were parked. So wrapped up in their jubilation and evening plans that they did not see the formerly-tattooed crime prince on a soapbox in front of the box office ranting. Which was good for Jared Leto's Joker, because they probably would've killed him.

"DON'T SEE THE SUICIDE SQUAD! IT'S TOTAL DISRESPECT FOR… ME!" Leto Joker raved. "Do you think that first one made like $725 million on that fucking has-been Will Smith? Or The Joker's clinger-on girlfriend from some cartoon? NO PEOPLE CAME TO SEE THE BIRTH OF A NEW JOKER!"

"Those Hollywood sons of bitches don't just not call me back, they don't even let me know they're making a new sequel!" Leto Joker screamed.

Nobody really paid attention to him. They were too busy looking at the phones and stuff and videos of lunatics on soap boxes weren't really of much hit-generating interest on the TikToks and the Twittahs and the Instagrammers anymore.

"I stopped working at Wendy's to get away from this kinda shit." The depressed gal in the box office mumbled.

"SOCIEEEEEETY!" Leto Joker threw up his arm and curled his fist to make the Black Power salute, for some reason.

"Ex-Puddin', dat's kinda offensive. Kinda cultural appropriation, butty-boy, and yer actin' like-a re-tahd. Didja eat too many of yer gamin' 'erbs again?" Harley Quinn made a disgusted face as she passed by with her new homies, Bloodsport and JOHN CENA as Peacemaker who seemed to be sleepwalking. "Dat stuff rots yer brain and limps yer dick, ya know."

"Like your nose candy habit is any better, Harley. Oh Harley… YOOOOOUUUU!" Leto Joker crazily pointed a finger. "Don't act like you have any moral high ground to judge me! Because you don't! Because I say so!"

"Ah, ta be a straight white boy." Harley Quinn tsk-tsk'ed as Leto Joker continued to rave increasingly and increasingly more incoherent with every syllable. "Christ, ya Male Karen. Yer fuckin' disturbin' da peace."

"Huh? Peace?" Peacemaker suddenly stirred to life.

"Yeah! This jokah's disturbin' it!" Harley Quinn pointed to Leto Joker.

"Oh, that shit won't do." Peacemaker grimaced and cracked his knuckles.

"Huh? Who the juicy juice are you?" Leto Joker asked. He'd just seen the movie featuring the live-action debut of Peacemaker but I guess it was just too hard for him to see John Cena.

Peacemaker answered him by grabbing him by the throat, and throttling him as the John Cena theme song kicked in full blast. Peacemaker swung Leto Joker around like a ragdoll into everything in sight, before – now I don't actually watch wrestling or know anything about it other than what Iron Sheik's social media team posts on Twitter but I do know that in the fourth grade I knew a kid who liked John Cena and once drew a stick figure of John Cena killing a stick-figure of Rey Mysterio. Or was it the Undertaker? Anyways, he told me John Cena has an FU attack so that's just what Peacemaker did to Leto Joker.

Over and over and

Over

And

Over

Again

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP" Leto Joker croaked in-between broken teeth, bleeding tongue, and vomit.

"You young bucks hear somethin'?" Back in the parking lot, Batkeaton asked.

"Dunno. Maybe someone is being terrorized… criminally… back there." Batfleck looked. He saw his old nemesis being pulverized by that John Cena-lookin' Peacemaker.

"Should we rush in to beat the stuffing out of that scumbag? To the point of permanent paralysis and brain damage?" Battinson asked.

"Nah. I'm always winded from sittin' at the movies too long and I just ain't in the mood tonight." Batfleck said. "For once, I think I'll leave the beating of likely poor and likely mentally-deranged criminals to the police and instead I'll put like one billion of my many billions of dollars into social programs and infrastructure repair for the city."

"Yeah, I'm with you. It's what Alfred and those douchebags on Twitter always say we should be doing anyways, isn't it?" Battinson shrugged.

"HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLP ME."

"Sorry, chum!" Batkeaton shouted in the direction of Leto Joker. "You're on your own tonight."

The Batmen left the Joker to his fate.

"Have… mercy… man…" Leto Joker choked and panted as Peacemaker took a brief break from his beating, and settled for holding him up high in the air by the neck. He'd just had his funny bone broken by Peacemaker, but not like his was very big in the first place – in fact its destruction had been completely incidental, in the way of collateral damage to some other part of his body.

"Did you show peace mercy when you disturbed it?" Peacemaker said. "No, you fucked with peace. But sometimes, punk… peace fucks right back."

And Peacemaker served a vicious right hook into Leto Joker's teeth. The damage would probably necessitate Joker to bankrupt himself getting a new grill because the healthcare in America is criminal in a class eclipsing even the Jokers, and even worse would set him one step closer to looking like he used to in Suicide Squad (#ReleaseTheAyerCut)

"And I… am… the Ultimate… Fuck." Peacemaker quite spitefully extended a middle finger and wagged in front of Joker's eyes.

Peacemaker then took neck and leg in hand and began to lift Leto Joker above his head.

"Fuck. Not Again." Leto Joker mumbled in a broken whisper.

"PEACE. RHYMES. WITH. KNEE!'

"No it doesn't you dumba" But he was shut up as Peacemaker slammed Leto Joker onto a backbreaker. Peacemaker then dropped The Joker onto the cold ground.

Peacemaker then unholstered his firearm. "I do know that peace rhymes with piece... so this is for challenging my assumptions!"

Peacemaker kneecapped Leto Joker. "Aaaaaaagh!" Leto Joker cried.

"Ha ha dis shit iz gold." Harley Quinn giggled as she recorded all of what had happened on her phone.

Peacemaker dragged Leto Joker back by the legs which really hurt on account of his shot knees into the theater and flung his broken body into the standee advertisement for the first cinematic installment in everyone's favorite new upcoming potential franchise, Dune. Leto Joker's head lodged above the U in Dune and he was stuck in no position to escape. Peacemaker admired his handiwork as onlookers applauded.

"Dune? That doesn't sound very peaceful to me! Good thing... I BRING THE PEACE THOROUGHLY!" Peacemaker said as he shot up the advertisement. People around him ran away from him screaming while employees duck and hid.

"Hey! This is the movies! You don't use the phone at max brightness mid-show... you don't shout fire... you don't not clean up after yourself... you don't talk about spoilers till you're in the car and last but not least... you don't run! I'LL RESTORE THE PEACE AND I DON'T CARE HOW MANY OF YOU MEN WOMEN AND ESPECIALLY CHILDREN I'LL KILL TO DO IT!" Peacemaker gunned down random people. Afterwards as hundreds lay dead, Peacemaker posed for pictures flashing the Peace sign. After noticing no one was coming up for autographs or selfies, Peacemaker then noticed everyone was dead, hiding, or had run away. Disappointed, he then left in search of new missions to do in the name of bringing world peace.

"See ya in da funny papahs, ex-puddin'! Buh-bye!" Harley Quinn cartwheeled by and kicked Leto Joker in the bumhole/balls (her boot hit both areas) as a parting gift. And in a final bit of spite, she scurried to the other side of the advertisement pulled down her mask and coughed in his face. Her breath smelled like hairy red green pussy.

"This is officially the worst day of my life." Leto Joker thought through the noxious assault on his senses. Or, at least the worst since Suicide Squad came out and he read the reviews about his Joker. But as long as he had cinema... and maybe that old fuck threesome video games, comic books + manga (like the Dutch an the Deutch, they're basically the same thing), and anime on the side, maybe just maybe he could persevere to a better tomorrow. If not the next tomorrow, maybe the tomorrow after that? Valleys have to lead to peaks eventually, right?

"Not if I have anythin' ta' say 'bout dat!" Harley Quinn winked as she closed out the chapter with a swing of the bat.