Now this is where things get awkward because I'd originally planned to write a whole hijinks-filled tangent involving the Olympic Games when Heath Ledger's Joker and temporary frenemy Christian Bale's Batman landed in Japan in search of Sakurai, but I procrastinate so much in writing these that the Olympics have already come and gone and writing it now would just be awkward.
So let's just say it happened in-between chapters.
Anyways Ledger Joker and Bale's Batman (BatBale/Baleman?) were exiting the local Japanese police station. In the chaos that had landed them there, the Batmobile had lost a wheel but the Joker still didn't get away.
"Good thing you're a billionaire playboy IRL so you can just buy off any cop, eh?" Ledger Joker laughed.
"YEAH BUT I DON'T LIKE IT." Baleman grumbled.
"You can't exactly be a moralistic prick about things once you actually commit the sin, compadre…"
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MORALS OR COPS! BUT I DO GIVE A DAMN I'M LESS RICH RIGHT NOW THAN I WAS JUST NOW!" Baleman smacked Ledger Joker. "ALL BECAUSE YOU GOT US INTO THAT MESS! I THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHERE YOU WERE GOING!"
And trust us, it was a big mess. Things got Pretty G Gundam up in there.
"Hey, I thought I'd watched enough anime and played enough video games in my lifetime to get the lay of the place. Guess I was wrong." Ledger Joker shrugged.
Baleman grabbed Ledger Joker by his shoulders, put him into a headlock, then began kneeing him somewhere very painfully. He then slammed The Joker into the pavement.
"YOU'RE OUTTA THE DRIVER'S SEAT, JOKER." Baleman took out his phone. "I SHOULDA JUST GOOGLED MAPS TO BEGIN WITH."
Baleman looked up Masahiro Sakurai's House in Google Maps as Ledger Joker dusted himself off and licked his wounds.
"Can we at least stop at a panty vending machine on the way? For research, just research…"
"CLEAN THOUGHTS, DOUCHEWEED." Batman smacked The Joker.
"Damn I'm finally in Japan after years of loving their shit and I can't even enjoy it thanks to this big black killjoy…" Ledger Joker sighed. "Why the hell are we even teaming up if you can do all this by yourself?"
"WELL…" Baleman looked like he was gonna beat up his Joker but then decided otherwise. It was time for an expository flashback!
It was a couple months ago at Wayne Manor. The universes of the Multiverses had all combined through the usual crisis bullshit and now a bunch of the live-action adaptation Batmen were hanging out at Wayne Manor with their Alfred's, having an evening barbeque in the backyard.
Batfleck and Batkeaton were chatting it up at the grill with beers in hand as Batkeaton worked on the hot dogs and burgers. BatKeaton shot dirty looks at Val Kilmer's Batman who had brought drive-thru from McDonald's, thus flipping a bird to the spirit of the BBQ. "Hey, I got hungry on the way here."
Adam West's Batman was tearing up the dance floor with the signature Batusi set to Madonna's "Holiday" while George Clooney's Batman sat nearby cross-legged fanning himself and helping himself to bottomless brightly colored cocktails.
Battinson was hitting a bong. He offered a hit to Baleman, who insistently turned it away. "BATMAN'S A WINNER. WINNERS DON'T DO DRUGS."
David Mazouz who played Lil Bruce Wayne in Gotham drank root beer cause he was too young to drink. Also there was Iain Glen's Bruce Wayne from the weaponized cringe that is DC's Titans. He was the only Batman there was who was not in costume and it was really bothering the others though none of them were brave enough to risk Scottish wrath by calling him out on it.
The old-timey live-action 1940s serial Batman guys were there as well, but I'm too lazy to Google their Names right now so let's just acknowledge they're here but never leaving the background.
"Who let the dogs out? WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO!" BatKeaton shimmied into the center of the party with two stacked platters of the goods for feasting.
"Oh boy, wieners!" Batclooney was first in line.
"Hey, look, cheeseburgers. Free cheeseburgers. Just like the one I got at McDonald's. From the drive-thru. Earlier. That weren't free." Batkilmer awkwardly slunk backwards. Everyone else was having a good time digging in until suddenly Christian Bale's Batman noticed something.
"HEY! WHAT THE HECK'S WRONG WITH YOU?" Baleman snapped at Battinson, who had a red bottle of Heinz's in his hand dangled over his hot dog. Screaming, Baleman kicked the ketchup out of Battinson's hands, spraying the red stuff everywhere as it flew.
"What the blazes, bro? It's just like ketchup, maaaaan!"
"DUDE, NOBODY PUTS KETCHUP ON A HOT DOG! ONLY BAD GUYS DO THAT!" It's true, just ask the city of Chicago or Inspector Harry Callahan!
"HUH?" Batfleck, Batkeaton, and Adam West's Batman all indignantly looked up from their red-drenched (amongst other toppings) wieners.
"Son, that's exactly what you said about eating pussy! And like then, I'm no bad guy now!" Westman chidingly wagged his finger before taking a bite.
"If eating pussy is wrong…" Batkeaton burped. "…then I don't wanna be right."
"Is this about your Catwoman crossing multiverses to find a Batman who can satisfy her needs?" Batfleck slyly remarked.
Baleman fumed at their mockery. He wanted to rage like the streets were made of it but unfortunately these were fellow Batmen he'd be trying to put the smackdown on, not a DoP or his mom. It would be so much harder to werewolf out and not face consequences in this case.
"It's just dead circus animals, in the end." Battinson claimed as he picked up the Heinz bottle firmly and blasted ketchup onto his hot dog. "Who gives a flip what gets squirted on it?"
"What a minute? The reason you're here is because the other Batmans like to put ketchup on their hot dogs? I admit… ketchup on a hot dog… that is pretty fucked up. Like pineapple on pizza." Ledger Joker was revolted at the thought.
They were currently taking the train to Sakurai's House because walking was really tiring. Unfortunately it's not exactly like they knew the ins and outs of Japanese public transport, but they'll have to find that out for themselves later.
"NO, IT WASN'T JUST THE HOT DOGS…"
The Bat-party was in the process of cooling down and breaking apart into the night when suddenly Batfleck burst out of the manor with a blu-ray case in hand. On the grass the Alfreds were setting up a massive screen, PS4 (hey, not even Batman can get the one with the plus one!) and a projector.
"Guess what night it is, bros…" Batfleck paused for dramatic effect before thrusting the Blu-Ray out into light. On the cover was actress Reese Witherspoon posing in a pink dress. "IT'S LEGALLY BLONDE NIGHT, BIIIIIIITCHES!"
Upon hearing this the Batmen assembled all burst into raucous drunken celebration, jumping up and down like a house of fratboys seeing their chosen football team score a touchdown.
"OMG! Legally Blonde Night? For realsies? WOOOOOOO!" George Clooney's Batman squealed.
Well, all of them except for Baleman.
"LEGALLY BLONDE? BUT THAT'S A CHICK FLICK!" Baleman protested.
The other Batmen all turned to look at Baleman with a slow burning glare.
"WHAT? ALL WE WATCH ARE CHICK FLICKS AT MOVIE NIGHT THESE DAYS!" Baleman rattled off the list of titles. "WANDA! HEATHERS! DROP DEAD GORGEOUS! IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE! ALICE DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE! PARIS, TEXAS! PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE! TRUE ROMANCE! WILD AT HEART! FEMME FATALE! LOVE EXPOSURE! FEMALE PRISONER SCORPION! TWELVE AND NOW THIRTEEN MOVIE NIGHTS OF GODDAMN FREAKING CHICK FLICKS!"
"Dude, those ain't chick flicks. They's just flicks." Battinson took another hit from his bong. "You'd know that if you watched them with us instead of going to your room to play video games every time we have movie night."
"THE TITLES TELL ME ALL I NEED TO KNOW. CHICK FLICKS, CHICK FLICKS! HOW ABOUT SOMETHING FOR GUYS, LIKE ANIME OR MARVEL STAR WARS FOR ONCE?"
"So what if it's a chick flick?" Adam West's Batman butted into the awkward tension. "Chicks are great. You got something against chicks, son?"
"You gay or what?" George Clooney's Batman piled in as he put a teeny-tiny straw into his cocktail and sipped just devilishly.
"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!" Baleman snapped back. "YOU'RE GUYS AND YOU'RE GONNA WATCH LEGALLY BLONDE! WILLINGLY!"
"Sunshine, there's gays… and then there's gays." Clooneyman whistled and took a sip of his patriotically colored cocktail before he formed an OK sign and swished his hand around in the air. "Three guesses and a no prize which one you are."
Soon the Batmans were all giggling and whispering between themselves before they descended into full-on bro jeering with a certain word of a slur-intended nature that I don't think is appropriate to write here.
"I HATE YOU ALL! I'M GOING TO MY ROOM AND I'M GONNA PLAY MELEE… ANYONE WITH THE RIGHT MINDS, FOLLOW ME!" Baleman stormed back into Wayne Manor and slammed the doors behind him. Nobody followed. The other Batmen stopped laughing, shrugged, and got about to watching Legally Blonde.
"I must say, Alfred, old chap…" Alfred (Gough) said to Alfred (Caine). "…you raised, well I'm not certain the politest way to phrase it…"
"Ah, to fuckin' hell with civilities." Alfred (Irons) butted in. "Your Batman is a bloody wanker. Total bloody tosspot."
"I'm not so certain I should be taking guff from you two." Alfred (Caine) fidgeted. "At least I didn't raise a damned homicidal maniac."
"Did you though?" Alfreds (Irons and Gough) raised their eyebrows.
"I THINK THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS OF ME, REALLY. THEY HATE THAT I AM THE ULTIMATE BATMAN, THE BATMAN OF A GENERATION AND ALL GENERATIONS TO COME. KILMER AND CLOONEY DESTROYED KEATON'S LEGACY. AFFECK IS AN DEPRESSED, DIVORCED PSYCHOPATH! THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO LIKE WEST ARE JUST HIPSTER IDIOTS BEING IRONIC. AND THAT NEW PUNK PATTINSON IS JUST COPYING MY HOMEWORK! Baleman ranted to Ledger Joker. They were at a ramen stand just a few blocks away from their destination, after they had gotten on and off a dozen trains trying to find the right one for a couple hours. There was no wisdom in beating up Sakurai on an empty stomach, after all.
The ramen chef was just blinking in total confusion as he recorded a video of the crazy American tourists to be posted on the Internets.
"Yeah, I can see that. What kinda bros picks chick flicks over Super Smash Bros Melee? That's still the best one!" Ledger Joker sympathized. He looked down into his bowl of Miso Chashu and frowned a bit. This ramen tasted nothing like the ones he got in cups and packets at the supermarket. Those instant noodles had done wonders for leaving room in the bank account for affording release-day-price video games and after years of that this fresh authentic ramen just tasted wrong.
"THEN I SAW THAT NEW SMASH VIDEO AFTER I WAS DONE MELEEING MYSELF! CHRIST, THAT WAS THE LAST DAMN STRAW. I REALLY NEEDED TO PUNCH SOMETHING, AND I FIGURED A GAME DEVELOPER WOULD BE LESS RISKY THAN LIKE TEN OF MY FELLOW BATMEN. I MEAN, ALL SAKURAI DOES IS MAKE GAMES. HOW DANGEROUS CAN HE BE?"
Finally Batman and The Joker arrived at Sakurai's House.
"HOLY CANNOLI, THIS PLACE PUTS MY MANOR AND PENTHOUSE TO SHAME." Baleman felt some surprise at seeing Sakurai's House. It was a skyscraper merged with a castle in some extravagant Gothic design colored bright pastel colors with a big Kirby Statue on the top, like the globe on top of the Daily Planet. "IS THIS WHAT SAKURAI HAS DONE WITH HIS DIRTY STEVE FROM MINECRAFT MONEY?"
"Hello there! What are you foreigners doing here?" Said a Japanese Man to them in the Japanese. He was at the front gate of Sakurai's House fetching the newspaper and the milk. It was none other than Masahiro Sakurai, who probably/hopefully does not bath in the blood of Ice Climbers to maintain those youthful looks of his. He had a dutiful translator on a leash walking on all fours, who barked what he was saying into English at the Dark Knight and the Clown Prince of Crime.
"WE'RE GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"
"Yeah! Kick ass!" Ledger Joker added as they waited for the translator to relay to Sakurai what they said.
Sakurai did not blink. He just sighed and turned around, and as he did, he touched a button on his wristwatch. Suddenly, there was the sound of gears turning and clocks ticking as the path before Sakurai twisted and gravity warped in his wake.
"What the fuck?" Ledger Joker gaped as Sakurai said something in Japanese as he walked back into his castle-scraper, and suddenly the Earth opened before them and swallowed the building whole and rising in its place was the exact same castle-scraper only it was made entirely out of shining solid gold.
"You do really think you are the first salty Smash gamers to come to my house to kick my ass? I have prepared for you children." The translator said.
"YEAH WELL PREPARE FOR THIS!" Baleman punched the Translator in the face, snapping his neck back with a nasty bend. Baleman awkwardly stared at what he had just done, before screaming "PHYSICS KILLED YOU, NOT ME!"
"Uh… Bats… forget about your own code… cause we's gonna need a few cheat codes of our own… like now!" Ledger Joker pointed as suddenly air raid sirens began to blare and panels began to open up revealing missile launchers. The gold of the Castle-Scraper began to dot with black, like ants pouring out of a hill. Ledger Joker zoomed in with his iPhone's camera and his heart skipped a beat as he saw that these black dots were NINJA.
"Oh shit dude, Sakurai's got ninja!" Ledger Joker warned.
"HA! THERE ARE NINJA BUT THESE ARE JUST NINJA! I EAT NINJA FOR BREAKFAST!" Baleman said with no fear as he began to run towards Sakurai's Castle-Scraper even as the missiles began firing in total massacre overkill numbers. You know, like Macross or sometimes Gundam.
"Crap crap crap crap!" Ledger Joker cried as he followed after Baleman, even as the blocks of the path beneath their feet began to give way and fall into a pitch black void, dodging the missile explosions as they rained down everywhere.
The Ninjas began to somersault down towards them, screaming with katanas in hand. True to his word, The Dark Knight pummeled the ninjas as they rained down, cracking jaws with elbow chops or gut-kicking them into the opening voids. Ledger Joker swayed side to side, avoiding the furious swipes of multiple katanas. He grabbed a pencil out of his pocket and then he lined up several ninjas in a row like ducks, and proceeded to open up their necks with the handy #2.
It was not enough though as Ledger Joker found himself surrounded by ninjas and one of them sliced his #2 pencil in two. He kept pulling out pencils only for the ninjas to keep slashing them apart. All hope for himself seemed lost until
Baleman kicked through the ninjas and grabbed Ledger Joker by the wrist and then leapt high up, like-a Mario. He landed on a stray missile and like a pro surfer, rode it through the horde of ninja as he flung batarangs into their eyes. Like a pair of synchronized ice skaters, they backflipped off that missile as it bowled through the remaining crowd of ninjas at the castle-scraper gate and blew it wide open.
The way to Sakurai's domain opened to them explosively, Batman and The Joker high-fived as fire and BBQ'ed ninja parts rained down.
The outside of Sakurai's Devilish Golden Castle-Scraper was only the beginning of the perils that Baleman and Ledger Joker would face. But they were not afraid! Because they were gamers and gamers get things done! Like when Ledger Joker beat Devil May Cry 3 on Dante Must Die without dying (actually he set things to Easy Automatic and just told anybody watching it was DMD).
Lot of perils. Like, lots. And not just more ninjas, though there were lots of those. Some ninjas being shot out of cannons for some reason. There was also The White Corridor of White Zombies. The diving pool of Acidic Strawberry Fanta where caffeine-addict tyger piranha swam. The tumbling slope of Limbless Jihadist Kirbies. The Shotgun Cathedral. The Head of the Pyramid. The Parliament of Homesick Gentrified Souls. The Infinite Trip Treadmill of Brawling.
Sakurai had put his Smash money to good use. But not good enough for some gamers.
Anyways after battling through corridors upon corridors filled with danger and death, the hour of vengeance neared as the blood-soaked Baleman and Ledger Joker reached Sakurai's Throne Room.
"THIS IS IT. DON'T LET ME DOWN."
"I'm the one who won the Academy Award. I should be telling you that." Ledger Joker talked back as they kicked down the door, splattering the lab-grown Game & Watch guards.
Sakurai was dressed like King Dedede. He sat in his throne cross-legged and sipped a glass of Mountain Dew Code Red with a crown forged from melted Gamecubes atop his head. Upon his throne shaped like the Nintendo 64 controller, he sighed and motioned for a translator to get busy. Off a series of pipes and assembly lines that dotted the perimeter one arrived.
"So you actually made it. I thought that the Psycho Wasabi Demon ROBS in Sector 4A would've gotten you for sure."
"Close, but no cigar!" Ledger Joker flipped the bird. Baleman joined him with a Double.
"What's that to mean? Some rude American gamer gesture?" Sakurai sighed. "But on with it. What have I done to earn your grievances? If it can be avoided, I would wish to not end your lives. My servants have only finished cleaning up the last of the blood from the invaders from after when I revealed Steve from Minecraft."
"NO PEACE, YOU S-O-B. WE'VE TOLERATED YOUR MALARKEY LONG ENOUGH."
"Is this about the Mii costumes? Are you the guys that keep sending me letters about who you want in the game? I truly understand your disappointment. I wish I could add everyone's requested fighters into Smash Bros. with the respect and glory they deserve, but time and money make sacrifices of us all."
"Bullshit! Everyone knows game development is as easy as pressing a few buttons and writing some code!" Ledger Joker yelled. "You're just being a lazy dick, Sakurai!"
"Please! Have an open mind! You don't even know who the final fighter will be!"
"WE KNOW ENOUGH! AND WE WON'T HAVE YOU TURNING US INTO FUCKING MIIS FOR MORE OF YOUR FIRE EMBLEM WANKERY! WE'LL OPEN OUR MINDS… WHEN YOURS IS CLOSED!"
"I see then that I have no choice then. If you can't appreciate Fire Emblem you are just lost!" Sakurai sadly shook his head. "Very well then! Have at you!"
Sakurai threw his glass on the ground, shattering it. Baleman readied some Batarangs and Ledger Joker ripped an AK-47 out of his pants, only for Sakurai to bolt upright and make some funny hand gestures. Upon completing three gestures, the area around Sakurai suddenly exploded in a cloud of pitch black smoke.
"Uh… what's happening?" Ledger Joker asked as he got pensive all of a sudden. He got his answer when with a silent slash of a ninjato the smoke was sliced into nothingness. Standing where Sakurai had been was Sakurai, now dressed in black ninja robes with white master/crazy hand gloves and a Meta Knight Mask.
Masahiro Sakurai had transformed into Ninja Sakurai!
"CAREFUL, JOKER! SAKURAI'S A NINJA!"
"Uh… so what? We killed like dozens of baker's dozens of them on the way in!"
"WELL THOSE WERE JUST NINJA. BUT SAKURAI… I CAN JUST BAT-SENSE IT… HE'S A NINJA."
Baleman threw his batarangs then Ledger Joker opened fire, but Sakurai grabbed his translator as a human shield to block the batarangs, before he did a screaming ninja jump flip and as he did this he cut bullets out of the air with his sword. With a toss of a ninja star, Sakurai cut off the barrel of Ledger Joker's AK-47.
"Awwww man did you know how hard it was to smuggle that into this country! You jerk!" Ledger Joker bitched.
Sakurai swung his sword in elegant, precise strokes of death. Ledger Joker yelped and scrambled away, but Sakurai threw smoke bombs in his path to disorient him. Sakurai's sword quickly took off the tip off his shoelace, some chin hair, and his pocket change.
"GET BEHIND ME JOKER!" Baleman yelled as he leapt in-between the two. "THE ONLY THING THAT CAN DESTROY A NINJA IS… ANOTHER NINJA!"
Baleman got ready to open a can of whoop-ass on Sakurai. He ran at Sakurai, only for Sakurai to throw some cat-trops on the floor. Baleman tripped on them and slid away screaming. Sakurai then screamed kamikaze style and with a somersault thrust his sword into Baleman's heart.
"HOW CAN THIS BE? I AM NINJA!" Batman groaned. "OW, THIS HURTS!"
"Batman, you cannot destroy me because you gave up your Ninja rights when you became Batman instead of Ninjaman! You can't just appropriate the secrets of the Ninja for yourself and not expect to pay the tax one day!" Sakurai explained. Unfortunately, since his translators were dead, Ledger Joker had no clue what he was saying to Baleman.
"Here, Batman! Take my herbs!" Ledger Joker had stolen some of Jared Leto Joker's gamer "herbs" before he left, and believe me, they were also a massive pain to smuggle into Japan.
"THANKS, JOKER! YOU SAVED MY LIFE!" Baleman kicked Sakurai off him and scarfed down the herbs, restoring his bleeding-out body to full vitality. "WHICH MAKES WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DO A WHOLE LOT HARDER!"
Baleman pushed a button on his wrist gauntlet. There was the sudden droning of engines.
"Uh, Bats, what did you just do?"
"AS I'M NO LONGER A NINJA, IT TURNS OUT I CAN'T DESTROY SAKURAI. AND I SURE AS SHIT CAN'T TRUST YOU TO DO IT." Baleman shrugged apologetically. "SO I'M GONNA DO WHAT ANY GOOD 'OL AMERICAN WOULD DO AND JUST NUKE THE PLACE. AND JOKER… DUNNO HOW TO SAY THIS EASILY, BUT THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE ON MY ESCAPE PLANE"
"Wait… what?! Batman, you're stabbing me in the back with a FUCKING nuke?"
"YEAH, SORRY ABOUT THAT. IF I WERE YOU… I'D RUN AWAY REAL FAST." Baleman decked the Joker in the gut one last time for good measure and ran away. He waved good-bye before the roof of Sakurai's Castle-Scraper was ripped off and a giant sky-hook from a passing lightspeed jumbo jet grabbed Baleman and extracted him.
"Room for one my ass!" Ledger Joker cried as Wayne Enterprises-branded Nukes fell from outer space towards where he and Sakurai were standing.
"Nukes? Nukes are bad! Kojima told me that when he let me have Snake for Brawl! I will not let these bombs wreak their evil on the world!" Sakurai did a complex ninja magic spell and opened a wormhole to another dimension.
The nuke was sucked into the wormhole to explode and torment some other dimension. Sakurai began casting another ninja spell to close the wormhole, but Ledger Joker saw the chance for a cheap blow. He ran into a baseball slide, and as he slid under Sakurai, threw an uppercut into his gonads.
"Ooooooogh! You fool!" Sakurai yelled as his knees buckled and his hands instinctively fell into a protective cupping position. "You have messed with the casting of my spell! There is no telling what chaos may come from mangled magick!"
Upon saying this, a new wormhole opened up and sucked up both Sakurai and The Joker.
Blinded by the pure blankness of the wormhole, when Ledger Joker came to, he was standing on one end of a large flat platform sailing through an unending cosmos on an infinite loop. His mouth dropped in recognition instantly, for he had seen this exact place in its many variations through the years in the video game series Super Smash Bros.
The wormhole had taken them to the Final Destination! Ledger Joker then saw that Sakurai was standing on the other side.
"Final Destination? It's real!" Ledger Joker got a bright idea. He reached into his phone and pulled out Google Translate, only to realize he didn't have a signal. It dawned on him that his current mobile plan probably did not extend to other dimensions of existence. In a frustrated fit, he threw his phone over the edge into the abyss.
"Alright, Sakurai! This is your moment of reckoning! But I'm a nice guy… I'll give you a fighting chance… in a True Melee way." Ledger Joker dropped his knife and pencils on the ground. "One vee one… Final Destination… three stock… infinite time… NO ITEMS."
Unbeknownst to Sakurai, Ledger Joker had a dirty trick up his sleeve in the form of a Derringer. That he was gonna use to save Smash Bros at the last second when Sakurai was least expecting it. Despite not understanding his English, it seemed that Sakurai got the gist and vibes of his challenge as Sakurai nodded then dropped his swords and other ninja tools of the trade.
"Heh heh… sucker…" Ledger Joker whispered under his breath as he walked towards Sakurai, planning on blasting him with his hidden gun as soon as they met in the center.
He lifted his arm, ready to pop out his derringer with a flick of the wrist and then go pop-pop on the weasel only for a crate to drop out of nowhere, landing on Ledger Joker's toes which really hurt. As he hopped around in pain like a Tigger, Sakurai smashed the crate open to reveal a Ninja Submachine Gun. He grabbed the SMG and blasted the Joker.
"Wha… what…" Ledger Joker looked down at his body, which now seemed to have spaghetti sauce seeping out of it. The overly salted, garlicky kind. "We agreed no items, man!"
"Damn, you thought I was gonna fight you honorably?" Sakurai said in Japanese, which Ledger Joker understood not at all because there were no subs in Final Destination. "Dude, I'm a ninja! Honor is for samurai and this is why ninja will always be cooler than samurai! Now, you silly clown… Hwwwwwo-taaaaah!"
Sakurai flip-kicked Ledger Joker into the sky. He kept falling upward and upward screaming until he just swirled away into a distance of nothingness.
KO! Some disembodied voice announced. Sakurai celebrated and posed like he was on the victory screen of a Smash game, before teleporting away safely back to his home planet with his Ninja Magic.
Thus leaving Heath Ledger's Joker to an uncertain fate.
On the next Three Jokers in the Pandemic:
Ledger Joker tries to get home but only gets trouble as he tumbles into Alternate World after World.
Baleman learns the hard way he should mask up the mouth too when going out.
Sakurai announces that GI Joe Retaliation star Bruce Willis as Himself is the final Smash Bros. Ultimate DLC fighter! With every button press Bruce Willis attacks with an exciting variation of sleepwalking and bored line delivery! For his Final Smash Bruce Willis takes the paycheck and runs!