Three Jokers in the Pandemic 2: Get Vaccinated!

by Jack Spheniscidae Enterprises

Despite all dying in the last one, Society's Most Dangerous Gamers the Three Jokers are back and fully vaccinated - ready for the return of normality. But too bad Jokers - the Delta variant isn't the only thing bout to make life a whole lot more difficult in Covid Year Two!

11. The (Crossover) Finale Part II

We would like to apologize to Bruce Willis for an underhanded joke made at his expense in an earlier chapter of this fanfic. We were unaware of his struggles with aphasia until it was recently publicized. We will not be changing the joke to pretend like we never made it but we take full accountability for our insensitivity and ignorance.

While the Great Paintball War was raging all throughout the campus of Greendale Community College, a secret meeting was taking place in the secret place where the united custodians of Greendale met. The custodians of Greendale were huddled in rage and fear, whispering in hush whispers of secret dreads and rumors of the fighting that raged outside their sanctuary.

The two head custodians, custodians Nathan Fillion and Kumail Nanjani took a stand.

"We're pissed about this as the rest of you are. No one knows how much paintball sucks more than us." Custodian Nathan Fillion said.

"Goddamn it, why'd they have to do paintball again!" Custodian Kumail Nanjani added. "Doesn't the Dean know someone actually has to clean up this shit?"

"I'm still traumatized from the last time!" One of the custodians cried.

"I hear that the Air Conditioning Repair School have gone dark! They've all probably been painted!" A custodian shrieked.

"What can we do? We dare not venture out for the hordes of the paintball are untamable!" The custodians quickly descended into panicked squabbling and screaming.

"ENOUGH!" The door to their hideout was kicked down by a paint-stained Jared Leto's Joker. "You wieners haven't tried anything yet you're already giving up everything as lost and throwing in the towel? What the fuck are you - Democrats?"

Custodian Nathan Fillion sighed. "Oh great. If it isn't… the JANITOR."

"Yeah, Janitor. What the heck do you want?" Custodian Kumail Nanjani scoffed.

"Aren't you tired of hiding in the shadows whenever a bunch of douchebags decided to spray themselves with paint for some worthless prize?"

"I dunno. The prize ain't that worthless this time." Custodian Nathan Fillion suddenly realized. "It's a Playstation 5."

"Yeah! A PS5!" The custodians began muttering among themselves in agreement.

"Fuck the PS5! All Sony games are the same these days! Movie wannabes copy/pasted into the same semi-open world cinematic formula! I already got myself an Xbox-X! What the frig do I need a PS5 for?" Leto Joker ranted.

"And that's why you're a janitor and not a custodian." Custodian Kumail Nanjani rolled his eyes.

"Still playin' identity politics with me? So you're custodians, I'm a janitor. So fucking what. It's time for a change in policy, bros." Leto Joker got on a soap box and cleared his throat to begin a big fruity speech, before balancing a boom box on his knees. He started playing [INSERT YOUR FAVORITE INSPIRATIONAL-SOUNDING SONG HERE] and held it high above his head. "The rest of this school, the high-falutin' thinkers and bohemians and academic froot-loops, have grown complacent in expectin' us workin' class joes to just roll over and clean up the messes that THEY made every time. But who says it has to be this way? My bro Bernie Sanders and that damn fine Squad of hoes started this fight, but it's up to us to finish the fight against the Status Quo."

"Uh, what the fuck is he on about?" One custodian whispered.

"I dunno, but that music is carrying him a long ways. It's so inspirational!" The custodian next to them replied.

"WE NEED TO RISE UP! VIVA LA REVOLUCION! Don't buy bread, buy dynamite! VAMOS A MATAR, COMPANEROS!" Leto Joker shouted a few random phrases from spaghetti westerns he'd seen as he began to rouse the custodians of Greendale. "Let's win this game of paintball as a collective whole… A UNION! We'll crush the rest of this stinkin' school and we'll make them CLEAN UP THEIR OWN FUCKING MESS!"

The crowds before him rose in cheers and applause.

"Maybe we were wrong about you, Janitor Joker. Perhaps you got the makings of a custodian in you after all." Custodian Nathan Fillion said.

"Save your thanks for when we've crushed all our enemies. TO WAR!" Leto Joker threw the boom box down on the ground, shattering it. He felt his heart swelling as his big hero moment arrived. People were finally loving him! He roared a battle order in triumph. "WE RIIIIIIIIDE!"

At that moment, there was a sudden ticking noise in his neck that suddenly popped all the balloons at his inner party.

"Oh goddamn it, Heath. I told you this would hap" Leto Joker remembered a plot development from Chapter 4 - The Franchise Potential of Dune that was finally coming home to roost and he cursed before the nano-bomb injected in his neck exploded and took off his entire head in big bloody and DAMAGED chunks.

And that was the death of Jared Leto's Joker.

"Nyo ho ho ho! You thought you could betray Zee Franchise Potential of Dune? You thought wrong! You thought dead! And soon your clown Joker friends will be zee deaded too!" A holographic projection of Denis Villenueve formed from the remaining nano-bits of the nanobomb that had just exploded Jared Leto's Joker. Confused, Custodian Nathan Fillion waved his hand through the hologram which flickered and reconstituted itself with every pass.

Custodian Kumail Nanjani then swung a broom through the hologram which only smashed into Custodian Nathan Fillion's gut.

"Beau travail, cleaner man! Noooooooooooot! You retardee or what? You zee kind who only watches Zee Marvel Star Wars?" The hologram of Denis Villenueve sneered. "Ho ho ho ho ho, non non non non non, you are so stooooopeeeeed! Why don't you go watch zee real cinema like Claire Denis or Jean-Luc Godard? I am a bout de souffleeeeeee from laughter from your stoooopeeedity!"

The hologram laughed and disappeared.

"Gee, is he dead?" One of the rank and file custodians asked as they poked Leto Joker's remains. Even now, the custodians were diligently cleaning up his remains to be disposed of in the trash.

"Yeah, I guess." Custodian Nathan Fillion shrugged as he recovered.

"Should we still ride out to avenge his memory?" Another custodian asked.

"Sure, we can still ride out. Kick the asses of everyone else in this school and get what we rightfully deserve. But avenge his memory? Naaaaaaaaaaah!" Custodian Nathan Fillion dismissively kicked a bit of Leto Joker's brain into a stray dustpan. Everyone laughed.

"Yeah, that dude was a real douche! A creepozoid! I'm glad he's dead, to be honest!" Custodian Kumail Nanjani nodded in agreement. Custodians began applauding and hooting.

"Yeah, and for the record - if anyone asks, let's say I came up with his plan. It's better this way, really!" Custodian Nathan Fillion chuckled. Then he began shaking his fist wildly. "Now, as we were… TO WAAAAAAAR!"

---

Some time later, three harrowed men dressed like relics of some long-gone period of time that stretched from the late 80s into the late 90s burst into the empty custodian hideout. It was the former comedian, convict, and now paintball army leader Jerry Seinfeld, his lieutenants Kramer and George Costanza, and what stragglers remained of his once mighty army after a bloodthirsty mob known as the Seinfeld Revenge Squad (named after the Superman Revenge Squad, the revenge squad of Seinfeld's beloved Superman) had stormed their main base in the tag of the last chapter.

George himself had already been taken outta the game, but that hadn't dissuaded his many enemies from still pursuing him in search of revengeance.

"Whew! You think we lost 'em, Jerry?" George wiped his brow and readjusted his terrible hairpiece, which he wore to hide a swastika tattoo he'd gotten in a terrible decision of impulse during a stay in prison.

"I think so… gah, get a head-count, will ya? And Kramer - we're safe! Walk, don't ru"

"Woah woah woaaaaaah!" Kramer slipped on a bit of Leto Joker's jawbone and fell flat on his ass where he spun around like a runaway bowling bowl right into Leto Joker's corpse.

"Waaaaaaaaa!" Kramer screamed and panicked a bit, flopping around on Leto Joker's corpse and breaking a couple of its bones and spraying fluid out of its orifices. "Jerry, there's a dead guy here!"

"Wow, these people take their paintball seriously!" George said.

"Kramer, you should probably get off the dead guy! You're getting dead guy all over you!" Seinfeld advised.

"Hhhhhrgh! You're right, Jerr! But hey…" Kramer suddenly got a bright idea as he wiped himself off and looked real intently at Leto Joker's corpse. "I need these more than he does, am I right?"

Kramer, who was not wearing pants because a big naked black man took them from him in the last chapter, quickly removed the pants of Leto Joker and began putting them on himself. "Phew! Not much dead guy on this sweet pair!"

"That's kind of gross, man." George gagged.

"Yeah, but hey, at least you don't have to look at me in my underwear anymore." Kramer shrugged.

"You know, that gets me thinking…" Seinfeld started as he looked for a place in the room to take a stand.

---

Jeff Winger was running through the halls of Greendale like a wild madman. He'd been doing so since he'd escaped captivity in the clutches of Joker Gang at the end of the last chapter. The Great Greendale Paintball War continued to rage on everywhere between not only the three main factions but whatever renegade splinter sects hadn't been tagged yet. The entire school was a sloppy wet canvas, more splatter than a Hong Kong Category III film.

To make matters worse for Jeff, no one seemed to care that he'd already been eliminated by his own boss, Chang - who for this war had taken upon the full moniker of El Generale Mexicano Joker Chang. Almost everyone still wanted to kick his ass regardless, often for some past grievance that had occurred at different points over the course of several seasons and a movie yet to be (and probably won't be). So he'd been running for his life with no destination in mind. He couldn't run back to Joker Gang to be their prisoner again, and he sure couldn't run back to Chang HQ either.

Jeff's flight came to a rude halt when he bumped into a big naked black man, who was covered in paint that clung to or slid off his ebony flesh.

"Jeff Winger! Finally I've found you!" The naked black man said in recognition, but Jeff had no idea who this man was.

"Whuuuuh…" Jeff's jaw dropped and he struggled to think of something to say as he caught a complete eyeful. His knees turned into jelly and he keeled forward, and tumbled a bit.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" The naked black man sighed. "Jeff, it is urgent that you come with me. Especially if you want to live!"

"Nooooooooooo!" Jeff recoiled from Elroy. His voice slurred out like Leo on quaaludes in The Wolf of Wall Street. "Whoareyou? Donnnnnntmakemelookatthatman!"

"I am Elroy. We work together. In the future. That's right. I'm a time traveler." Elroy sighed.

"Timetravelaaaaaaaaintreaaaaal." Jeff was on his bum, crab-walking frantically away.

"It is, actually. I invented it. In the future." Elroy explained.

"PUUTTTTTONSOOOOOMEPAAAAANTS." Jeff begged.

"Why? So they'll just get ruined with paint again? I ain't playin' this dumb game but folks keep trynna cap me like they's the LAPD. Do you know how uncomfortable painty paints feel? I stole nine pairs from nine different folks and the same thing always happens! Might as well just go the full commando 'till this stupid paintball blows over." Elroy shrugged. "You wanna blame someone, blame our good buddy Abed for insisting our time machine had to be Terminator rules. I told him I could just make it out of a car, but then he insisted it had to be a fucking Delorean or no dice. I mean, seriously? The year I come from is 20-" At that moment a loud crashing noise and someone's ensuing scream in the background drowned out the exact date. "How am I gonna get a Delorean? Abed, man."

"YeahsoundslikeAbed" Jeff stammered. He couldn't take his eyes away. Couldn't even blink. Hey, that reminds me - Don't whisper. Don't move. Don't even breathe. That's the tagline of the 1993 film Judgment Night, and it kicks all kinds of ass! Now available on Blu-Ray from Warner Archive! I have not been paid by Warner Archive or Judgment Night director Stephen Hopkins to wriite this.

"Snap outta it, Mr. Winger. Greendale is trapped within a bubble of unstuck stilled time! The past, the present, the future are all colliding and becoming as one unless someone stops it! We can't count on the Marines, but we can count on you. You need to come with me to save the timeline. Otherwise all of existence could collapse into an infinite multitude of crises!"

"NoIdontthinkIwillIdontwannabeneaaaaryoooooouanyloooooongerohgoooodwhydIsaylong" Jeff pulled himself together and ran away, ran so far away, from the big naked black man. Elroy tried running after him, but Jeff started throwing random garbage at him and knocking over cans and shit to deter him but Elroy just jumped over all obstacles just like-a Mario.

"Hey, there's Jeff Winger! He's like the baddest boy on campus! If we take him out, we're the new bad boys! iLet's get him!" Someone suddenly yelled in a muffled voice.

"Waaaaaaah!" Jeff dove and slid under a volley of paintfire from a group of renegade students dressed in gas masks, clown suits, and sky-diving gear. Don't ask me why. Fashion's fashion. They all instantly froze up when they saw what was swinging between Elroy's legs. Pissed off and distracted from his pursuit of Jeff, Elroy cracked his knuckles and went to town on the students until none of them were left standing.

Elroy wiped his palms in satisfaction until he realized Jeff had gotten away.

"I told Abed we shoulda sent back Annie. Jeff would do anything for a naked Annie. But noooooo it just had to be me cause I got 80s action hero muscles. Fuck is that Abed kid on about it? Dude needs way less screentime." Elroy sighed as he kicked one of the defeated paintball participants in the spine in frustration, producing a sick crack. "Don't he know how dangerous time travel is for the black man?"

---

"I don't wanna work with that guy. Maybe I should just go home." Troy Barnes was conferring with Abed Nadir. He had put his foot down in regards to Joker Gang's latest recruit, a washed-up stage magician from California named George Oscar Bluth Jr. or GOB for short. Troy had taken umbrage in regards to GOB's totes "racially sensitive" puppet Franklin and had beaten a fair bit of stuffing off him before Joker Gang had pried him off.

"C'mon, enemy of my enemy is our friend. Ledger Joker showed me the inside of that guy's bank account, compared to us he's kinda loaded. And you know what loads of loads does for our future enemy Batman." Abed contemplatively stroked the fake paper goatee he was wearing in his persona as Evil Abed. "And you should start talking like Evil Troy again. We're should stay in character for the bit until it's dry, c'mon c'mon."

"I dunno, man."

"Troy, if you drop out now, that means all your chances of becoming a true Joker are kaput." Abed pointed outl. "What will all we have worked for these past few days have amounted to? Nada."

"But only one of us will be picked as a Joker to begin with. And I know I ain't evil enough to stand a chance against you or Annie."

"Annie has a chance, really?" Abed scoffed. "I mean, she's our friend and all, but c'mon - did Annie ever enslave the entire population of Corto Maltese and then transform 'em into Canadian bacon for lulz? Drug Barry Allen and enlist Rex the Wonder Dog to get freaky with the Flash on tape? Send the Teen Titans to their deaths by tricking them into wearing Yankees caps to a Mets game? And so much more."

"Uh, when did you do that?"

"In my Evil Dreamatorium. It's like Good Abed's Dreamatorium, but evil." Abed winked. "So it's like this, Evil Troy. We all know that the Three Jokers are gonna pick me to be Joker Number Four. Or maybe I'll actually be Joker Number Three, cause we sure as hell haven't seen Joker Number Three whoever he is. But if he's real, I hope he's a cool Joker, like Jack Nicholson. Not a creepy sex loser like Jared Leto. But whatever - I'll sure as hell make a case for you to be a Joker too and I won't stop until Joker says Yes. Because we've always rode together, you and I. We're Paul Newman and Robert Redford. Or Paul Walker and Vin Diesel."

"No, bro, we're Troy and Abed. No, not just that. We're EVIL TROY and EVIL ABED." Troy started speaking again in the Evil Troy voice.

"FOR LIFE. MWA HA HA HA HA. WATCH OUT WORLD!" Troy and Abed fist-bumped and cackled maniacally.

In the background, neither of them noticed that Annie was opening up a can of gasoline next to a bunch of sobbing prisoners captured from Chang and Seinfeld's armies while Ledger Joker played with matches in front of their faces.

"I'm getting an A for this, right? And you aren't really gonna set 'em on fire?" Annie asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure. Whatever." Ledger Joker shrugged.

"Great!" Annie began dutifully pouring the gas all over the prisoners.

---

"Ohhhhhh gimme some rope, tieeeeee me to dreaaaaam!" Jeff was running through the halls when he heard off-key singing coming from the Dean's Office. Jeff screeched to a halt, recognizing the sound of Dean Pelton's voice.

"I CAN'T COOOOOOOUNT THE REAAAAASONS I SHOULD STAAAAAAY." Jeff cringed and stuck his fingers in his ears. Jeff felt some disgust bubble up in his intestines. The school was tearing itself apart into a canvas of utter colorful anarchy and the Dean was just chilling in his office?

"ONE BY OAAAAAAAAAANE THEY ALL JUST FADE AWA-aaaaack!" Jeff kicked down the door. The Dean was dressed like Panssexual Elvis and belting away in front of a karaoke machine, only to drop his mic and seize up like a startled jumping bean.

"What the hell! You ruined my score? Waitaminute…" The Dean calmed down when he saw Jeff.

"Jeffrey! What are you doing here? A surprise to be sure… but a welcome one." The Dean said almost flirtatiously.

"I'M HERE TO VENT MY FRUSTRATIONS! MAYBE ON YOUR FACE!" Jeff ran up to the Dean and grabbed him by the neck.

"Oh this was a lot sexier in my dreams!" The Dean protested as Jeff throttled him. "Jeffrey! What's gotten into you!"

"The school's a freaking war zone yet you're just here fiddling away like nothing's on fire!"

"C'mon Jeff, you know as the Dean it would be unfair of me to participate in the contest that I set up. I have to pass the time somehow. And really - exaggerate much?" The Dean sniffed. "I don't smell smoke so I really doubt stuff's on fire."

Jeff scoffed. "You know what I mean, man!"

"Well, maybe you should go ahead and win the paintball and learn some important valuable moral lesson the way you always do if you want it to be over."

"I can't."

"Wait, what?"

"I got tagged out."

"How! I had you in mind when I decided that the PSV was gonna be the prize for the winner! A gift in return for our many invaluable seasons of male friendship!" The Dean gasped.

"Then why didn't you just give me the Playstation?" Jeff asked.

"C'mon, how was I supposed to know you didn't have this paintball crown in the bag for once? How the fudge did that happen?"

"The Jokers captured me, then Chang blew up the paint-collar he outfitted me with while they were interrogating me." Jeff exposited.

"Ugggggh! The Jokers! And Chang! Tarnation! This is the last freakin' straw!" The Dean hissed. "I knew I shouldn't have let any of 'em on this campus! I… cannot… let this stand! I have indulge their buffoonery long enough!"

The Dean then went to his desk and took out a piece of a paper and signed it. He handed it to Jeff.

"What's this?"

"Oh, it's an Official Deany Second Chance Pass. In the case of elimination in paintball. I can give it to whoever I want and get them back in the game. This one's for you - certifying that you are back like da frickin' Terminator!"

"Are you allowed to do that?" Jeff raised an eyebrow.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Jeffrey. And don't waste your second chance." The Dean chided him and shrugged before he reached into his desk again.

"Here. It's dangerous to go alone. Take this." The Dean handed Jeff two fully loaded Vincent Van Glocks. "Now you wanna be on your way or do you have time for one quick duel? Next in the playlist is Straight Up by Paula Abdul."

"Uh… I got to make some clowns fucking frown. And I'll make Chang pay too, for being a weird dick. And I'll take down Seinfeld for good measure, cause Frasier was a funnier show." Jeff ran out of the Dean's office. On the way, he ran into Elroy again.

"Jeff! Come to your senses! The timeline may hit its breaking point any second now!"

"No way, freak! I'm on my way to get REVENGE! Saving the timeline can wait for never!" Jeff blasted Elroy a couple times with paint before he sprinted away.

"I'm feelin' mighty tempted to return to my point in the timeline and let whatever fate awaits us all happen." Elroy said to himself. He looked down at the dripping paint on his skin and haphazardly started wiping it off with his hands, smudging it.

---

Transitory, introductory scene-setting music was playing as Jerry Seinfeld walked about on a stage, doing a routine for the remnants of his army.

"You know, seeing that dead guy there's got me thinking about that great American pastime. Nooooo - not baseball. Nooooo - not even invading a third world shithole for the oil. I'm talkin' about the movies! And I mean real movies, y'know - Grade A Widescreen Entertainment In Color! Nothin' like that Rochelle Rochelle nonsense!"

"What the hell is Rochelle Rochelle?" Garrett, a student at this here community who had fallen in with Seinfeld's army, asked.

"It's a movie." George Costanza replied.

"Yes. The movie." Kramer nodded in agreement.

"Never heard of it." Garrett shrugged.

"How have you never heard of Rochelle Rochelle?" George asked, shocked. "There was a bunch of awards and even a play!"

"Well, have you looked at a calendar lately? It ain't the 90s anymore - GRANDPA. I don't watch any non-mega franchise blockbuster movies made before 2004, the year of my holy lord Spider-Man 2!" Garrett smugly said.

"We live in an age where the Internet lets the kiddos have access to like any movie ever made from the dawn of cinema in pristine quality - not like the freaking pan-and-scanned overpriced VHS tapes we had to put up with! But they'd rather just rewatch the same ten movies they've been watching since they were kids? They got no curiosity at all about the wonders of the past? No sense of discovery? Goddamn it, it's like we're…" George paused consternately before he shouted. "...we're LIVING IN A SOCIETY!"

"Don't get all salty that I'm living for the future while you'd rather stay in the past!" Garrett jeered.

"So is that why you married your cousin?" Someone piped up suddenly as the feeling of a sudden subliminal jolt, the kind that brought the hairs on the neck standing, coursed through the room.

"When did I marry my cousin? I don't have a cousin! Besides, it's legal in this staaaaaaagh!" Garrett seized his head like pain flashed through it. Unbeknownst to all, rogue time spasms were smashing through them. Flashes of what was yet to befall one Garrett in the timeline. Perhaps predestined, perhaps not. Time's a tricky witch.

"Hey, shut up back there! I'm trying to do a set here!" Seinfeld shouted at the audience. "Now as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted - that dead schmuck, it got me thinking about the movies. And one thing in particular about the movies - where's all the sexiness gone? All sorts of grisly killings and exciting fightings on-screen, but where's a bit of nipple when you want it nowadays?"

"Uh, do we need lots of nudity and sex scenes in movies?" Garrett asked as he recovered from the time-shake.

"Shut up, four-eyes! Do we need lots of fighting and killing in the movies? Noooooo but fighting and killing in the movies is fun! Sexy is fun too but it seems the people making the movies have forgotten about that! Except for the Europeans, but they always make their movies all artsy and non-Englishy! I go to the movies to watch movies, not read movies! If I wanted to read, I'd just pick up a book!" Seinfeld yelled. He paused for laughter. Nobody laughed. "And what the hell are you still doing here? You got shot!"

"I thought I could stick around for moral support?" Garrett shrugged.

"What the fuck use are you to use as moral support?" Seinfeld sneered. "Besides, we got the real Newman now. He's plenty of moral support."

"FUCK YOU JERRY!" A tied-up Newman, in the back, yelled as he struggled against the ropes that constrained him. Newman had been part of the Seinfeld Revenge Squad but had been eliminated by Jerry at the end of the last chapter and captured in-between that chapter and this one.

"Yeah yeah. Fuck you too, Newman!" Jerry yelled back. He then looked around. "And where the blazes is Elaine? Seriously, what is up with that woman's sense of punctuality?"

"Guys, guys!" George interrupted and pointed at the corpse of Leto Joker. "Can we at least cover up this guy or something? He's dead! It's making me feel weird!"

"Y'know… WHY IS THERE A DEAD GUY?" Garrett yelled.

"Huh, I just thought someone at this school really took paintball seriously." Kramer suggested with a shrug.

"It's too bad he's dead." George scratched his head. "I bet we coulda interrogated him for information about the Joker's plans!"

"What's to say that we can't?" Kramer piped up.

"Uh… cause he's dead, Kramer?" Seinfeld pointed out.

"That's no biggie! Let me let you guys in on a big secret! When I was in prison, I got a cellmate called John who was into… magic." Kramer made a funny hand motion. "And not the Lance Burton, Penn & Teller, Tony Wonder, Spoon Guy kind of fake show magic. I'm talkin' real black Satanic magic. And John, oh boy, he was quite a buddy! Taught me a few tricks in exchange for gettin' him smokes! He was always asking if I could get him this one brand… what was it, Silk Cuts? I've never seen a pack of those in the wild… be surprised if they were even rea-"

"Kramer! Get to the point!" George yelled.

"What I'm saying is…" Kramer reached into his pocket, pulled out a cigar, and started smoking. "It's time for a little magic. If I can remember the correct ceremony and lamentation for the Invoke the Dead spell. We can find out everything this Joker knows about his fellow Joker Gang's plans, and then return him to whichever afterlife he fell into! Quicker than cooking a TV diner!"

Kramer started running and looking around the room, and then began rifling through people's pockets without permission.

"Uh, Jerry, should we be letting Kramer do this?" George whispered.

"Oh, why not? It's not like magic's real. Should be good for a laugh! I can probably get a good bit out of this for the future." Seinfeld shrugged.

"Well, I found that I don't have the exact ingredients and all for the spell as was taught to me… but another thing 'ol Johnny-boy taught me in the slammer - how to improvise in a tight spot!" Kramer said as he returned to the center of the room.

Kramer procured some pocket lint, a few bottles of Drano, a can of all-purpose cleaning powder, among some less work-safe mentionable materials. Everyone looked on in morbid disgust and fascination as Kramer drew a pentagram in a circle with his materials and then picked up and plopped Leto Joker's corpse flat center in the circle.

Kramer then stripped to his tighty-whities and started painting ritualistic symbols on his body with the unmentionable material.

"On second thought…" Seinfeld cringed. "...ah, what's the use? We crossed the line already."

Kramer began dancing around the circle like a Hollywood Indian as he chanted gibberish that sounded like an incoherent half-remembered drunken mixture of Cantonese, Tagalog, Tamil, Navajo, and Estonian with all the grace of a frothing Idahoan.

Finally, Kramer hopped over Leto Joker's corpse with his legs spread wide and dramatically he threw out his arms.

"RISE!" Kramer screamed at the corpse of Leto Joker.

Nothing happened.

"Bust! I coulda toldya that would happen!" George frustratedly complained.

"Shhhh!" Kramer shushed George. "Wait for it… wait for it… it's gonna work or I swear my name ain't Cosmo Kramer!"

"Cosmo?" Everyone who didn't already know Kramer's full name is Cosmo Kramer raised their eyebrows skeptically.

"Ah, give it a rest, Kramer." Seinfeld began to brush off the situation when suddenly there was a violent explosion of beams of light from the body of Leto Joker.

"Waaaaaaaugh!" Caught off guard, a surprised Kramer toppled over and landed on his ass.

Something was happening to the body of Leto Joker! It began to violently twitch upright, as new flesh grew cell by cell to replace what the nano-bombs had destroyed. Leto Joker was regenerating into a whole new being! When the light show had stopped, the man who had been Jared Leto's Joker lived again.

But he was not Joker. No, there was no sign of the Joker trademarks like clown make-up or green hair or that good 'ol iconic Oscar Winning Damaged Tattoo. No, the sickly being that stood in Leto Joker's place was something else… something vampiric.

"Yowza. It actually worked? Oh, John, I'll never doubt your pillow-talk again!" Kramer said.

"Is it just me or is that dead guy looking a bit different?" George asked. Everyone began backing away.

"What have you dumbasses done? What the fuck is that?" Newman shouted as he was still stuck in his restraints. The entity was coming to him and it leaned directly in Newman's face.

"I… am… Venom." It said hissed in Newman's face before it pulled back and patted Newman like a dog. "I'm just kidding. It's Doctor Michael Morbius, at your service."

"Thank Jehovah he ain't Venom." Seinfeld wiped his brow. "That lazy black blob is for stupid children who can't appreciate the real Spidey villains like Green Goblin, Kraven the Hunter, and Doc Ock!"

"OH GOD! IT'S THE SUMMER OF MORBIUS! HASHTAG MORBIUS SWEEP!" A panicked Garrett pointed and screamed.

Author's Note: I have not seen Morbius yet. Everything involving Morbius is based off stuff I made up in my head based on memories of those trailers I was forced to see during movie previews for (mostly) presumably better movies. Hey, I paid to see the Uncharted movie so my taste/judgment clearly ain't all that sound! Come to think of it, I don't think I've even read a Spider-Man comic with this D-list nonachiever.

"You bet it's the fucking Morbius sweep!" Morbius laughed as he got ready to feast on Newman.

"I don't get it! How did Kramer's spell not only bring the dead Joker guy back to life but turned him into a whole other guy?" George asked.

"Oh, his spell didn't bring me back to life."

"What?" Kramer looked saddened.

"Yeah, you did the wrong fucking spell, genius. You see, I'm actually a Time Lord and The Joker was The Eighth Jared. It had been so long since I'd regenerated that the process had become delayed. But as you can see, it caught up and I'm a brand new me. The Ninth Jared, Dr. Michael Morbius." Morbius explained.

Y'know, I've never seen a single episode of Doctor Who either. Aside from the end of one episode where Matt Smith's Doctor Who #11 fights the Cybermen.

"Now if you excuse me, I'm hungry. It's supper-time, bitches." Morbius prepared to feast on a screaming Newman, when Kramer tapped him on the shoulder.

"What?" Morbius asked irritatedly.

"Uh, if my spell wasn't the spell that brought you back to life, then what spell did I cast?" Kramer demanded.

"Oh. You cast the Gateway to Hell spell. Circle Nine Deep variation. Now if you don't mind, please shut the fuck up and let me eat." Morbius shrugged as he got ready to bite into Newman's neck. Newman was sweating and weeping like a motherfucker.

"Hey, don't do that! People are so unhygienic! Here, have some raw, fresh garlic! It's great for your health!" Kramer took a few cloves out of his pants and shoved them into Morbius' mouth and force-fed them to him.

Morbius fell down screaming and clawing at his gut as the garlic traveled his digestive system.

"Damn! I know raw garlic is an acquired taste, but damn! Dramatic, much?" Kramer gaped.

"Aaaaaagh! Garlic! You dumb motherfucker! I'm a freakin' vampire!" Morbius writhed around in pain.

"Vampires can't eat garlic?" George chimed in. "Ya mean ya can't ever eat Italian, Chinese, or Indian? What kinda life is that?"

"A poor life, is what I'd say." Kramer scoffed at the tormented Morbius.

"Wait, guys. He said Kramer opened a Gateway to Hell? Right here?" Seinfeld asked.

"Yes yes yes yes you dumbshits!" Morbius cried as he began retching.

At that moment, a gateway to hell opened.

"Kramer!" Seinfeld shouted in exasperation. "Why did you open a gateway to hell?"

"Hey. I was improvising. How was I supposed to know I was doing the Gateway to Hell spell? You shoulda stopped me if you were so concerned!" Kramer defended himself.

"You shouldn't have done any magic to begin with! Magic is like Superman's greatest weakness, after kryptonite and red suns! Magic is dangerous!" Jerry replied.

"Ohhhh again with Superman! Superman thinks magic is bad, so magic is bad? So how do ya explain Doctor Fate or that foxy smokin' stunner of a witch Zatanna then?" Kramer yelled. "I suppose if Superman jumped off a cliff, you'd do it too, huh, Jerry?"

"That's a dumb comparison, cause Superman jumps off cliffs all the time because he can just fly away when he does so! I can't fly, so why would I do it?" Jerry glared at Kramer.

"So you admit it! You admit that you don't always follow Superman's way!"

"Guys!" George interrupted. "Listen…"

Demons began to crawl out of the gateway to hell and were leaping on the remnants of Seinfeld's army. Morbius had already begun flying away to safety like a little bitch, puking up a few last bits of blood and garlic as he did. Splattering random people.

"...we can play the blame game when we get away from these demons!" George turned tail and ran to the exit.

"Geez! Actual demons! If this week couldn't get any weirder!" Seinfeld said as he and Kramer began running too.

"Hey, assholes! Unty me for fuck's sake!" Newman begged but those pleas fell on deaf eyes as Kramer and Seinfeld ran past him. George, Kramer, Seinfeld and a few stragglers from their army made it out the door while the demons got everyone else and began to pour into the greater campus of Greendale in pursuit of the survivors. In fact, Seinfeld had deliberately knocked Newman down on his sides by leaping like a star hurdle jumper and then kicking Newman down while he was in mid-air. "Oh come on!"

"My my, what have we here? A plaything to wear and tear?" A cruel voice that was like evil incarnate suddenly spoke up. Footsteps, loud and thudding, approached Newman. He shivered. His spine felt like it was about to freeze and shatter from hearing the voice alone.

Newman looked up and wept as he saw a large yellow demon dressed in a blue cape and a red tunic standing over him. The Demon's eyes glowed deep red, and Newman swore he could see fire bubble within its mouth. The Demon rubbed its palms as it looked over Newman.

The Demon ran the back of one of its claw-like nails against the shaking Newman's cheeks. "Why quiver like a cruel fate awaits, dear Newman? It's just your unfriendly neighborhood demon Etrigan!"

"Damn you Jerry Seinfeld!" Newman cried.

"What a sight! A fat man with nowhere to run. It's been too long since I've had some fucking fun!" Etrigan laughed as he picked Newman up by the leg.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Newman cried, clawing so desperately that his nails cracked and etched marks into the floor, as Etrigan the Demon dragged him into hell with boundless laughter.

---

Back at Joker Gang HQ, Ledger Joker and Phoenix Joker had gathered their four lieutenants - Troy, Abed, Annie, and special guest star GOB for a meeting to go over battle plans while the rank and file of Joker Gang still at base did more menial tasks and training.

Annie was rifling through her intel reports and reading aloud the important parts. Phoenix Joker was dutifully listening while Ledger Joker was not paying attention because he was busy scrolling through Twitter to fellate his hero Elon Musk by name-searching and harassing the mentions of anyone daring to trash-talk his dweeb of an idol.

"It seems that Seinfeld's Army is in utter shambles. It looks like the Seinfeld Revenge Squad got him."

"It's not surprising! They're scary!" Troy shivered as he remembered the close encounter he and Ledger Joker had with the forces of the Soup Nazi in the last chapter.

"A pity. I'd have loved to destroy them myself, with my Joker Gang." Phoenix Joker mused, disappointed. "What of Seinfeld himself? Has he been eliminated from paintball yet?"

"Our undercover ops in the field report that he is still on the run… along with his top lieutenants… this George Costanza and Cosmo Kramer." Annie raised her eyebrow at Kramer's first name. "Cosmo? Someone actually named their kid Cosmo?"

"Then there's still hope…" Phoenix Joker licked his lips. "...for revenge!"

"Whatever, man. So some has-been comedian stole your big break from you. Who cares? Elon's gonna make it okay for me to say the N-Word to N-Words on Twitter! Man, it's gonna be just like the golden age of Internet forums again!" Ledger Joker howled in anticipation.

"Uh… okay… moving on…" Annie nervously giggled. "Uh… we also have reports that… this intel is kinda sketchy but maybe important… that a creep who looks like… most likely actually is Jared Leto… is flying around and biting random people."

"Jared Leto? Gross." Abed gagged. "That man's career peaked when Christian Bale hacked him to pieces in American Psycho. They should've done him in, like that, for real."

"Huh. Jared's always been an eccentric lil Joker…" Phoenix Joker whispered to Ledger Joker. "...but when could he fly?"

"You know Jared. Poor fucker probably had a full-on mental break after realizing he'll never be a real Joker." Ledger Joker shrugged. "Maybe he'll piss off back to his sex cult island and leave us alone now."

"Now, onto you… Mr… GOB…" Annie stared skeptically at the special guest star GOB from the show Arrested Development who had joined Joker Gang in circumstances that were revealed at the end of the last chapter. "You said you were going to recruit super back-up for us?"

"Yeah… about that…" GOB sheepishly said as he scratched the back of his neck. "I called up my homies in my Magician's Guild… they all said no. I asked my mom, my dad, my Uncle Oscar - no, no, no. Even my normally dependable brother Michael said no! And I really tried to get him! I insisted I was really in trouble - like lose everything kinda trouble! The kinda trouble where someone got no choice but to help keep it all together! It usually works on Mikey! Like flies to shit!"

"Who gives a fuck who said no?" Ledger Joker snapped. "Who the hell said yes, that's what we need!"

"I even tried calling Annyong! I begged the little brat!" GOB flailed dramatically. "That lil SOB started funding Chang outta spite!"

"Why do you keep bringing up these names we don't know?" Annie yelled. "Sheesh!"

"Because!" GOB flusteredly replied.

"Funding Chang? That explains those shiny new experimental prototype super soakers Chang's troopers had when they razed our base, Evil Fluffy Town." Abed realized. "Those arms were banned by the Louvre Convention!"

"Oh god! EVIL FLUFFY TOWN!" Troy cried as he remembered some horrible incident which had occurred in-between chapters. "THE INHUMANITY!"

"There, there, Troy. It'll all be okay. We'll get Chang and make him pay." Abed swore. "Make him pay very evilly."

"So basically, you got us jack shit." Phoenix Joker stared dumbfounded. "In fact, you're doing worse than jack shit. You're actively harming us. Give us one good reason why I shouldn't kick you out into No Man's Land to fend for your own ass?"

"Well, I'm still in negotiations with my lil bro Buster and my bro-in-law Tobias. They can be very useful, I swear! Like, conveniently showing up at the nick of time useful!" GOB insisted. "But these are very delicate negotiations! And the last thing I need is you guys fucking it up for me with all this PRESSURE!"

"Right… Buster. And… Tobias. Just who we need." The Jokers sighed. Ledger Joker marched up to GOB and grabbed him by the collar.

"Bitch, you got like maybe a coupla hours to improve your performance report. Or it's PAINT ENEMA for you." Ledger Joker threatened GOB.

"I don't think soooooooo! I'm gettin' an extension!" GOB suddenly reached into his pockets and produced a vial of magical pills - none other than his trademark Forget-Me-Nows! Handy for getting out of a jam with only some vague shame to go along with it afterwards!

GOB was about to pry the vial open and shove as many pills as he could into The Joker's mouth when Ledger Joker smacked the pills out of GOB's hands and started smacking him. "Bitch, you try to fucking roofie me? The Joker?"

"C'mon, Heath, don't kill him. This ain't Gotham, 'member? We might get in trouble for actually killing someone!" Phoenix Joker pointed out to Ledger Joker, who sighed and stopped beating on GOB.

"I'm starting to get the feeling I'm not as valued a member of this circus as the rest of y'all!" GOB complained as he wiped some blood from cuts. "And why the hell can't my lil homie Franklin be a lieutenant too? Why'd ya make me lock him in a broom closet? You Jokers got some one negro soul brotha policy only rollin?"

"Oh, not this shit again!" Troy rolled his eyes as GOB pointed accusingly at him.

"Hey, why be a hatah, playa? Brah, you can be Franklin's homie! You just gotta get to know him and the best way is a CLEAN SLATE! You'll be homies when I'm done with you!" GOB picked some scattered Forget-Me-Nots off the floor and lunged at Troy. They started tussling on the floor as GOB tried to force pills into Troy's mouth.

"Order! Order!" Phoenix Joker cried to deaf ears.

"Well, I don't think they're stoppin' anytime soon. So you just wanna get the big announcement over with without them, Joaquin?" Ledger Joker asked.

"Might as well." Phoenix Joker shrugged.

"What is this big announcement?" Annie asked.

"It was something we were gonna announce after we'd won this Great Paintball War…" Phoenix Joker explained. "But seeing how victory ain't a sure thing with this bloody stalemate we find ourselves with against Chang's forces, we might as well get it over with now."

"Oh boy, is this what I think it is?" Abed giddily anticipated.

"Yes, it's our pick to join us as THE FOURTH JOKER!" Phoenix Joker whipped out some maracas and began shaking about while Ledger Joker less enthusiastically rolled on some bongo drums.

"Finally!" Abed leapt up and down like he'd already been picked. "Gentlemen, it's my honor to become a real part of Joker Gang. Let me return to this timeline's Good Abed's dorm and retrieve any proper Jokerfication attires and materials he may possess so that I begin my final transformation into the ULTIMATE Evil Abed: Joker Abed!"

"Sit yo ass down!" Ledger Joker smacked Abed. "You ain't our Joker!"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you…" Phoenix Joker apologetically, sheepishly said.

"What the fuck?" Abed looked like lightning had struck his dickhole. "But I'm perfect Joker material! I'm Evil Abed for crying out loud! Who do you think is eviler than me? Evil Troy?"

They looked over to where Troy had beaten the stuffing out of GOB again, and was now in the process of making him taste his own medicine.

"Nah. That dude'll never be more than henchman material." Ledger Joker dismissively said.

"Then whoooooooo?" Abed demanded. "Surely not the freaking guest star!"

"What, the shitty magic dude?" Ledger Joker scoffed. "No way. That dude gives me bad anti-Joker vibes, yo. For some reason."

"Well if I'm not the Fourth Joker, and Troy isn't, and he isn't… then WHO IS?" Abed looked around the room frantically until the realization suddenly dawned on him. Dumbfounded, Abed gazed dead-eyed right at Annie.

"Uh, yeah. We looked over the performances of every one of you Intro to Jokerfication students during this Great Paintball War and we decided that she is the perfect candidate for… THE FOURTH JOKER."

"What." Abed finally managed to say.

"Uh… are you sure?" Annie looked around, extremely uncertain. "I'm not exactly the baddest girl on campus, y'know."

"Yeah, even she doesn't buy it!" Abed insisted.

"Are you kidding? Just look at yourself!" Phoenix Joker began to explain. "You're a pretty, attractive and above all else WHITE woman! Society should be bending itself to your every whim but has it been lately?"

"Now that you mention it…" Annie started getting deep in thought, reflecting on Professor Joker's words and her memories of her many misadventures at this here community with this here study group. "...yeah, what is up with society? I'm a youthful, attractive white woman! Society should be bending itself over backwards to give me whatever I want and saying 'more please!' Why am I expected to like struggle and work hard for success? That's the help's job, not mine! Am I supposed to believe I'm equal to those people!? You're right, Professor Joker! To get what I'm entitled to… I need to… BECOME THE JOKER!"

Annie took out some lipstick and drew some fake scars from the corners of her mouth. "Ta-da!"

"We'll need to do some more cosmetic work, but it's a start." Ledger Joker shrugged.

"Annie noooooo Joker was supposed to be my destiny!" Abed fell to his knees and wailed. Then suddenly he went into a seizure, or at least someone who had seen a lot of seizures in movies and tv faking what he thought seizures looked like based on movies and tv.

"Uh, what's Abed doing?" Phoenix Joker looked at the thrashing Abed on the floor.

Suddenly Abed thrusted back up with his arms stretched out high. His eyes rolled back and he screamed.

"BEGOOOOOOOOOOOONE, EVIL ME!" And with violent fervor, Abed tore off the fake goatee he'd been wearing since he'd began attending Intro to Jokerfication as Evil Abed. "I'm back. This timeline's real Abed."

"Uh, all you did was take off a fake goatee. Fuck you think you did?" Ledger Joker scoffed.

"That's merely what it looked like on the outside. From your boring three-dimensional surface perception of things." Abed said in a mysterious tone of voice. "But in my head, I was fighting an epic psychological psychic battle on the Astral Plane against the mental invasion of my self from the Darkest Timeline. And Professor Joker's rejection of Evil Abed as the next Joker was just the opening I needed to land a decisive strike against his formidable defenses. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but thank you, thank you very much, Joker."

"Uh… you're welcome." Phoenix Joker stared awkwardly at Abed, who stared awkwardly back.

"But I'm afraid I can't lend you my assistance anymore. I'm not Evil Abed, who so badly wanted to be evil like his idol The Joker. No, I'm Good Abed and I'm more of a Batman guy. Would Batman team up with The Joker, let alone three of them? No, no, no. So I'm going home to watch TV until all this stuff blows over. I've brought about fifty-eight blu-rays this month and I figure I should start watching the seventy-four I bought the month before before I watch those." Abed apologized before he began packing his things. "You cool with that, Professor Joker?"

"Yeah, why not." Phoenix Joker shrugged.

"Cool. Cool cool cool." Abed made his way to Troy. "C'mon, Troy, let's get outta here. Veeeeeeee-voooooooo."

Abed pretended to do a psychic attack on Evil Troy's mind. Or was he pretending?

"Wow. I'm free." Troy said deadpan as he ripped off his Evil Troy costume. "Ohhh, my head. What's happening, Abed?"

"As you know, we're still trapped in a fanfic per my hypothesis. If I had to further theorize, I'd say the author's written himself into a very bloated corner and is hurriedly taking pieces off the board before rushing to the finale."

"Whatever you say, bro. Let's go home and watch MacGruber." Abed and Troy summarily left the Joker Gang HQ. "Y'know Abed, I'm glad I don't have to do that Evil voice anymore. It really puts a strain on the vocals. Any longer, it was gonna become my real voice!"

"Does this mean Franklin can be our team's cool black guy now?" GOB asked.

"Shut up, man." Ledger Joker said.

At that moment as Troy and Abed were leaving, a few of the nondescript background extras of the Joker Gang walked in with a prisoner. The prisoner was a pudgy old man dressed in the colors of Generalissimo Chang with a familiar looking pencil sticking out of your head.

"Hey, Pierce." Abed and Troy greeted him.

"Hi, boys. Blowing this egg cream joint?" Pierce nodded as the Joker Gang carted him over to the table where the Jokers were.

"Yeah. We've had enough paint wars for one week." Troy nodded.

"Good for you! Enjoy your weekend!" Pierce said as he was seated in between Phoenix Joker and Ledger Joker.

"See ya next Monday, Pierce!" Abed waved good-bye as they closed the door behind them.

"If it ain't the old racist asshole Heath stabbed in the head a few chapters ago." Phoenix Joker murmured in recognition. "What are you doing here, in our turf?"

"Oh, I just came to deliver a message from Chang…" Pierce casually leaned back. "...on one condition. You let me go back to Chang's territory, unharmed."

"Yeah, right. How 'bout we take all the paint we have and cram it down your throat now?" Annie suddenly shouted as she crazily brandished paintbrushes.

"Annie! What's gotten into you? This is clearly not you." Pierce disapprovingly tsk'ed.

"I became The Joker, Pierce!" Annie proudly beamed.

"Woman Jokers! Boy, society really is decaying!" Pierce said.

"It's brush-time!" Annie hummed as she advanced on Pierce like Ledger Joker when he wants to ask someone if they know how he got his scars.

"Woah! If you hurt me, you'll never know what valuable intel I'll throw in after I give you Chang's message in gratitude!" Pierce shouted.

"As tempting as it sounds to just… fucking kill you, we could use some intel on Chang. Right now, he's the biggest obstacle to our total dominion of this school." Phoenix Joker stopped Annie. "Alright, you old hack, spill."

Piece nodded. "Chang says you're all a bunch of doo-doo head relics. He's gonna usurp you all as the One True Joker. Come and take him on in the heart of No Man's Land if you ain't chicken."

---

Back at Chang HQ, Generalissimo Mexican Joker Chang (I'm too lazy to look up what I was calling him in the last couple of chapters) was despondently looking at his phone. Truly existential horror was seared into every fiber of his expression.

"My apes… where are all my apes…" Chang sputtered in shocked disbelief. "MY APES ARE GONE!"

"Hey, El Presidente Chang…" Community side character Vaughn walked in, without his shirt. "Just wanted to let you know…"

"SHUT UP! CAN'T YOU SEE THEY TOOK MY APES?" Chang angrily detonated the explosive paint-filled Chang Slave Collar around Vaughn's neck. Then blasted him a few times in the nipple square with his side-arm. "Geez, show some goddamn respect you stupid fucking hippie fuck!"

"I just wanted to tell you we seized the Teacher's Lounge!" Vaughn ran off in tears.

"Woah! What's his problem?" Pierce said as he walked back in, unharmed. Unless you count the pencil still stuck in his head, occasionally dripping blood and pus from the wound.

"Where the honk were you?" Chang stared.

"Oh… I was takin' a leak. Really long leak. You know how the glands get at my age." Pierce slyly lied.

"Pierce, honey, Chang's in a mood because the crypto market is crashing again." Shirley said. She was currently stuck in a cage and couldn't get out as one of Chang's prisoners.

"Wait! The same crypto I brought 690 dollars per share of Chang-Coin with my life-savings in?" Pierce checked his phone. "My shares are now worth less than a penny? Fuck, Chang! I thought you said cryptocurrency was the future! It's sure lookin' like a scam right about now, starring me as Mr. Sucker!"

"It is the future! But you know that the status quo never lets the future come without a fight! It's those chingados, the woke deep state! Has to be!" Chang ranted. "God, I'm so pissed! I can't even celebrate that I'm clearly the one winning this freakin' paintball war and thus the soon-to-be proud father of a PS5!"

"Then I guess this isn't a good time to bring up…" Pierce got a twinkle in his eyes. "...that I was behind enemy lines earlier. Doin' some spying on the Jokers."

"Ohhh? Learn anything?" Chang disinterestedly said, his spirit still crushed by the continuing plummet of the value of Changcoin.

"Just that the Jokers say you're a big smelly stupid-head, you'll never be as cool as they are." Pierce said.

"Like hell I won't! I'm the Real Joker here! Not them!" Chang swirled around, looking all indignant.

"They said if you wanna prove them wrong… meet them in the heart of No Man's Land." Pierce said as for some reason, he sinisterly rubbed his palms together.

"Why you rubbing your palms like that, Pierce?" Shirley asked.

"I'm just warmin' it up. It's cold in here, y'know."

"It's… regular room temperature." Shirley stared suspiciously.

"Quiet, Shirley! You're here to be seen, not heard!" Chang banged on the bars of the cage before turning to address Pierce. "Well, Hawthorne… get the troops ready. The Jokers ain't gonna know what hit 'em! It's time for Chang's Counterattack!"

"I do love it when a plan comes together." Pierce chuckled in a not at all suspicious manner. He and Chang both started laughing while Shirley rolled her eyes.

---

And so began what initially seemed an epic clash for the fate of Greendale and the ownership of the Dean's prize PSV between two armies in the Greendale Quad, aka the heart of No Man's Land. Like any good generals, The Jokers with their lieutenants and Chang stayed behind their territorial lines drinking coffee and wine and dining on stuff like baguettes and croutons while they sent their forces en-masse to fight and be painted.

Suddenly there were ominous explosions (of paint), so shocking that Phoenix Joker spit out his coffee and dropped the bowl of mini pretzels he was snacking on.

"What the hell? Are those attack helicopters?" Phoenix Joker grabbed a pair of binoculars and looked to the fighting. Indeed, those were attack helicopters with big helpful "Boulder Attack Helicopter Rental Co." logos painted on the sides. The doors on the helicopters slid open and heavily armored stormtroopers rappelled out, and began indiscriminately attacking both sides with heavy artillery paint-blasters as soon as they hit the ground.

"Hey, who the fuck brought attack helicopters? And why the fuck wasn't it us?" Ledger Joker asked, incensed. "We'd have taken care of those Ching Chang weenies hours ago with those bad boys!"

"Let me see!" Annie yanked the helicopters from Phoenix Joker. She looked for a bit. "ZOMG! It's City College! Oh noes!"

"City College?" Phoenix Joker asked.

"Yeah, they're a bunch of stupid-head meanies from the community college in the city! They're always trying to mess with us on important days like this!" Annie gritted her teeth. "Gaaaah! We can't let fuck us over like this! Let's throw more of our goons at them!"

At that moment, a desperate voice broke in over The Joker's radio.

"Send more reinforcements, Jokers! We can't hold out like this!"

"Yeah, we know. We're sending some more Joker Gang over right now to sent that City College back to the city." Ledger Joker answered the radio.

"No! It's not just City College! OH GOD THEY'RE COMING OUTTA THE WALLS"

"Who?" The Joker demanded.

"IT'S THE CUSTODIAZZZZZZZZZT." The alarmed voice was cut off in a violent burst of a static.

"Is it just me or has this situation become way more convoluted?" GOB asked.

"Quiet, ya tertiary guest-star." Ledger Joker smacked GOB.

"What is the plan, fellow Jokers?" Annie asked. "How about we march down there right now and kick some ass?"

"Uh… let's not. That sounds dangerous." Ledger Joker lit up a cigarette and smoked it with a long drag. Then blew out the smoke. "Let's do the smart thing, wait for everyone currently down there to take themselves out and mop up any enemy survivors."

---

While all this was happening, Seinfeld and Pals were not only trying to survive both the hordes of demons trying to drag 'em to hell but also the hordes of vengeful side characters out to take their vengeance (and win prized PSV). Due to the length of this chapter, we can only be bothered to write snippets of some of their many misadventures while they fought for their lives against Satan's legions and everyone they'd ever wronged:

Jerry was ambushed by his old racing nemesis Duncan Meyer. But before he could be taken down with paint, Jerry appealed to Duncan's old bruised ego by challenging him to another race. As soon as the starter pistol went off, Jerry tripped Duncan to be bait for the demons. The Superman music played while Jerry ran away and Duncan was torn to shreds.

George had a touching heart to heart with his father Frank Costanza. But then a bunch of demons and zombies came their way and George proceeded to throw his own father to the wolves of hell while he made his getaway. He also rolled that asshole Bubble Boy to the zombies to be torn apart as well.

Kramer had an epic chainsaw duel with Crazy Joe Davola. Sometime later, as they were ambushed by the Soup Nazi in the Kramer willingly sacrificed his place in the game to save a bowl of fresh fruit from paint crossfire.

"Remember when I thought you were my only friend, Kramer? Nein, no longer!" The Soup Nazi was roaring in the distance. "I see you again, it's NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

"Kramer! Whyyyyyy did you doooooo that?" Seinfeld cried as he dragged Kramer to safety, while George lay down covering fire.

"The fruit… Jerry… the fruit…" Kramer deliriously said. In his hand he held a perfect ripe red apple. One of the delicious varieties, not that disgusting (and lying) Red Delicious. "They woulda wasted the fruit."

"It was just some fucking fruit, Kramer!" George argued. "Now Jerry gotta's win this war of ultimate paintball by himself! And where the hell is Elaine? We could really use her help right now!"

"I believe in you! You can do it, Jerry!" Kramer was about to take a bite out of the apple when George interrupted him again.

"Can you at least do a spell to send those demons back to hell?"

Kramer shook his head.

"Sorry, George, I don't know the spell for closing doorways to hell. I was never planning to open doorways from hell in the first place so why would I learn how to close them?"

"But you just did, Kramer!" Jerry pointed out.

"Freak accidents, Jerry! I had no way to anticipate one!" Kramer defended himself.

"DAMN YOU KRAMER!" A frustrated George smacked the apple out of Kramer's head. It landed on the floor and rudely went splat. The little fat man knew not what a mistake he made in the split second before Kramer went berserk and began throttling George.

"Kramer! Kramer! Calm down!" Seinfeld tried to pull Kramer off George to no avail.

"ACCCCKCLPPPLTTTTTL!" George sputtered.

"It was just an apple, Cosmo!" Seinfeld implored.

"Just an apple? Just… an… apple?!" Kramer's head almost twisted a full 360 Exorcist Style degree as he threw George away so perfectly George landed ass-first in a trash-can and furiously faced Seinfeld. "JUST AN APPLE?!"

Kramer picked up the fallen, semi-smooshed apple. "Do you know what high-soaring dreams and Herculean laboring were put into the growth of a single apple on a tree? The soil had to be cultivated, the seeds had to be planted, the fruit to be grown to a JUST RIGHT level of ripeness, then picked, packaged, and shipped… this apple was meant to bring yummy pleasure to a starving tummy but instead… it was CRUSHED LIKE A PIECE OF CHEAP CANDY! Don't tell me it's just an apple! IT'S NOT JUST AN APPLE! Respect the freaking FRUIT, GEORRRRRRRRGE!"

Kramer shoved the remains of the apple into George's mouth and force fed him to the squirming baldy.

"Guys! Come on, demons are coming!" Seinfeld pleaded for them to prioritize but alas Kramer was too engrossed in teaching George a lesson. And it seemed that the demons had little interest in the easier targets of Kramer and George, as a sun-blotting swarm of harpies dove-bomb in formation at Seinfeld.

"Criiiiiiiipes! This is definitely not a show about nothin' anymore!" Seinfeld turned to look at the reader to smack the fourth wall a few as he ran away.

Before Seinfeld could get very far, a hell portal suddenly opened before him and spit out a familiar looking foe.

"Kenny Bania?" Seinfeld's eyes bulged with recognition. But something was off! It was like Kenny had been fed through a woodchipper then crudely stitched back together and given dual treatments of battery acid bukkake and golden showers of venomous snakes.

"Jeeeeeeerrrry! Is that yooooou?" Kenny Bania looked around wildly. Seinfeld noticed that Kenny's eyes seemed to be stitched shut and he was reacting only by sound. Seinfeld shut up for a spell and Kenny just awkwardly staggered about and bumped into things like a Cenobite Mr. Magoo.

"C'mon, Jerry! Don't be like that! Tell one of your funny jokes like you always do!"

"Uh… what happened to you, Kenny?" Seinfeld asked, then slyly moved like a Jewish Ninja a bit so Kenny Bania always missed him by just a sliver.

"They took me to hell, Jerry! They had such sights to show that after just a few seconds I could not bear to ever lay eyes on anything else again! Every step, each pang of pain, is pure ecstasy! And now it's your turn… for pain!" Kenny Bania started laughing. "Don't you wish you were nicer about my jokes now?!"

"What jokes?" Seinfeld scoffed.

"My jokes, asshole! Y'know, I made the First of the Fallen laugh so much he anointed me headlining comedian of hell on Stand-up Thursdays at the Belial Lounge!" Kenny insisted.

"Geez, the standards on devils these days! See, that's why he's lord of hell and not of heaven! Because he finds your jokes funny, you fucking hack! Besides, DC Comics' continuities have like a zillion different super ultimate evil beings, not just your one First of the Fallen. Does Trigon also laugh at your jokes? Neron? Barbatos? The Anti-Monitor? How about the Big L-F-R himself? Only one Satan stand-in likin' you doesn't mean squ-"

"SHUT UP SEINFELD! I'LL PUT YOUR EYES OUT!" Kenny swiped at Seinfeld. His fingernails had been replaced with welded-on forks and knives (kitchen variety).

"Oh no! Not my eyes!" Seinfeld seemed almost alarmed by this threat as he was by Kenny Bania's routines.

"Oh don't worry! Where you're going… you won't need eyes to see! Just a mouth… to… laugh.. AT MY JOKES!" Kenny pounced at Seinfeld.

"And I'm sure you need a head to live!" Seinfeld snorted. "BURNING SEINFELD KNUCKLE!"

"Wha" Kenny Bania was abruptly cut off in mid-air as Seinfeld limply backhanded him like a wimp - setting even Will Smith to shame - but still set off a reaction that split Kenny Bania's entire body into threads. It looks like those demons can't sew for shit, or they did a shit job sewing him back together on purpose so he'd think he was hot shit only to go to pieces at the slightest breeze for like the lulz.

"I hope you're happy now, Kenny!" Seinfeld was tempted to piss on Kenny's still squirming, still living remains but decided the schmuck wasn't worth it. Seinfeld looked over his shoulder. Kramer was still very busy educating George on respecting fruit. The other demons were still coming after him.

Seinfeld sighed and fled the scene. He had a game to win, after all. Still, he thought in his thoughts, headlining comedian of hell. Been a while since I had a booking as high-profile sounding as that. Would it be worth it, surrendering this whole world to hell for some perks from Satan? Hmm, I don't know… I don't like the implications of… what it says about me that my immediate answer ain't Hell no!

---

"Holy smokes! What the deuces happened here?" Phoenix Joker said as he and his fellow Jokers plus Lieutenant GOB arrived at No Man's Land. Paint was splattered and moaning paint coated bodies were strewn about everywhere. The rest of Joker Gang had been utterly decimated to the last clown, but it wasn't just Joker Gang that had been whipped harder than cream. Chang's troopers were also scattered about the place, along with the fallen of the two new factions - City College's Stormtroopers and

"The freaking custodians?" Annie commented, super skeptical.

"Yeah. What about it?" A watercolor-marked Custodian Nathan Fillion asked as Annie loomed over him, pinned underneath rubble with only his lips moving.

"But why?" Annie asked.

"Well, we got pretty tired of cleaning up your shitty paintball messes every year. So for once, we were gonna kick your asses in paintball and make you clean up your mess!" Custodian Nathan Fillion screamed in rage. "It was a great plan! All my idea! Why'd you'd all have to go and ruin it, you dumb bitch?"

"Hey! Calling me a bitch isn't nice!" Annie shot Custodian Nathan Fillion in the eye with a paintball. The kind that leaves a mark on unprotected skin. He screamed.

"His plan! I object to that!" A familiar yet different voice came from above.

"Huh? Is that…" Ledger Joker looked up as Morbius swooped down. "FREAKING JARED?"

"Yes, I am an incarnation of the eternal Jared Leto, as your friend Joker was one. He passed and I, Dr. Michael Morbius, am his reincarnation. Hey there, Custodian Nathan Fillion. It was my plan? You were gonna try to pull it off yourself, without my genius leadership, and take the credit for it? But na-na, you got you and all your friends eliminated like the sub-minimum wage losers you all. Bet you wish you were nicer to me now!" Morbius whined petulantly before he sank his teeth into Custodian Nathan Fillion's skin. Custodian Nathan Fillion could only scream as Morbius ate him.

"Uh…" Phoenix Joker looked at the feasting Morbius then at Ledger Joker. "Jared's dead?"

"Well, his fashion sense has somehow gotten even worse. We can't let him back into Joker Gang, man. No fuckin' way." Ledger Joker nearly retched at the sight of Morbius. "Still, when we get home - I'm callin' dibs on all his stuff that ain't cringe. You get the cringe, Joaquin."

Morbius finished eating Custodian Nathan Fillion and wiped his mouth.

"I care not, Heath Ledger's Joker. You can have the remnants of my old life. I no longer need the confines of the DC Universe to make my way. Once the Morbius Sweep and Summer of Morbius has their way with the world, I'll be the face of the hottest and first ever Trillion Dollar Comic Book Property!"

The two Jokers could hardly contain their laughter. Morbius seemed oblivious to this, then he noticed Annie.

"Hey, you're quite the attractive lil lady."

"Why, thank you. As a young heterosexual white woman, it's quite a buzz when people rightfully laud my values." Annie giggled.

"You…. you wouldn't mind joining my special Jared Leto appreciation club? It's totally not a creepy sex cult!" Morbius got a gleam in his eyes. "We got our own island and shit."

"Uh… what?"

Before the topic could be delved into any further, there was the click-clacking of ye olde style cowboy boots, strolling into town for a big Mexican stand-off.

It was Senor Chang, dressed like a Cowboy Mexican Joker. At his side was Pierce Hawthorne, dressed like Argentinian Gaucho Biker Harley Quinn. Presumably the rest of his forces had been defeated just like Joker Gang.

"Why are you dressed like that, Pierce?" Annie raised an eyebrow.

"You'd be surprised at how little room an explosive collar on your neck leaves for negotiation with the Boss' demands." Pierce pointed to the Chang-branded slave collar he was wearing.

"So… your little challenge to me didn't quite work out as planned, eh bitches? Kinda wish you took El Chang El Mexican Joker seriously now, huh?" Chang sneered at the Jokers.

"Dude, we barely even know who you are. I don't think we even had any in-person interactions until this chapter. You're… just a surprisingly persistent… gnat." Phoenix Joker asked, confused.

"Don't deflect and insult! You're just salty your big gamble to lure me out and destroy me didn't quite pan out, huuuuuuuh?" Chang squinted and sneered.

"What? Bitch, you're the one who invited us to a showdown! You played the first move, not us!" Ledger Joker shouted.

"Don't try to gaslight me, punk! I know for sure that my good honkey homeboy Pierce told me you called me out!" Chang put his arm around Pierce.

"Uh… I'm pretty sure that Pierce came to our HQ and told us that you called us out to a showdown." Annie informed Chang.

"What? Is this true, Pierce?" Chang looked at Pierce suspiciously.

"Actually…" Pierce Hawthorne chuckled. "...I lied to both of you. Got you all believing the other side had challenged you to the Ultimate Final Showdown when in fact neither one of you had actually done so! All so your forces could decimate themselves into easier pickings! 'Course, I hadn't counted on City College or the fucking custodians joining the fun… but it just made my job even easier! Guess things just work out for old rich white men like me!"

"WHAAAAAAAAT. You betrayed all of us? But why, Pierce?" Everyone asked.

"Y'see… I'm actually a triple agent. I've been working for Jerry Seinfeld the entire time. What can I say? I just got a thing for medium talents like him." Pierce shrugged.

"SEEEEEEEEEEINNNNNFEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLDDDDDD." Phoenix Joker frothingly raged.

"For some reason, Seinfeld's gone dark. Can't get in touch with him. But no biggy. I'll just tell him in person that I took all you ragamuffins out." Pierce reached for his weapon, only for Chang to kick him away.

"Pierce, you dumbass, explain your evil plan after you took me outta the game!" Chang laughed as he pulled out the detonator for Pierce's collar.

"Oh shoooot! I'm taaaaaaaaking you with me!" Pierce shot Chang square in the chest right as Chang pressed the button and detonated the stores of paint in Pierce's collar. It was a mutual elimination.

"Goddamn it!" Chang whined as he petulantly banged his fists on the ground. "THAT PS5 WAS GONNA BE MINEEEEE AND PEOPLE WERE GONNA LIKE LOVE ME AGAIN."

"Huh… that was pretty convenient, jefe. Our numero uno and dos threats just took themselves out!" Lieutenant GOB observed. "I guess this means we wo

Immediately, he was shot square in the face by a paintball.

"AAAAAAAGH!" GOB fell over. Phoenix Joker dove behind cover, while Ledger Joker and Annie grabbed Chang and Pierce's bodies to use as human shields from incoming fire. Morbius shrugged, and used his vampire powers to dodge all the paint.

"Owowowowowowowowowoowwchies!" Pierce cried as paintballs hit him everywhere, including in one extremely sensitive extremity.

"That's for the time you did that thing in [INSERT YOUR FAVORITE COMMUNITY EPISODE HERE], Pierce!" Annie screamed before she flipped Pierce around so paintballs started hitting him all the way in the touchiest hole of the backside. "Betya never thought it'd come back to bite you like this, huh?"

"Tell Franklin…" Gob was frithing around in pain, clawing at his face. "...I was proud to call him my lil homie!"

"Holy shit! Where'd they come from!" Phoenix Joker peeked out from cover to see City College's Elite Armored Battalion laying down pastel hell.

The middle City College trooper threw their empty paint rifle over their shoulder and then removed their helmet to reveal that he was Dean Spreck of City College!

"You foolish Greendale Human Beings really didn't think you could hold another stupid game of paintball with a Playstation 5 on the line and not have the more deserving come to claim it, did you?" Dean Spreck maniacally laughed before he picked up a Goya Gatling that was just lying around and opened.

"Geez! All this over some video games?" Annie asked as she and Ledger Joker threw their completely soaked used up human shields away and dove to join Phoenix Joker behind cover.

"It was a fucking Playstation 5!" Ledger Joker reminded her.

"So?" Annie shrugged.

"They're not easy to get, sweetheart!" Phoenix Joker came in with another reminder.

"Then just wait a few years when they'll probably be easy to get, and cheaper too!" Annie shrugged. "Y'know, I don't see what the big deal is! It just looks like the same games you can play on PS4, with slightly better graphics!"

"You really need some education on the proper gamer mindset!" Ledger Joker smacked his head in frustration. "How can you be a real Joker otherwise?"

"We can save that for when we get outta this jam!" Phoenix Joker said. "Hey, Morbius! Use your vampire powers to stop them!"

"Finnnnnnne! But you're gonna own me big when I'm done!" Morbius did a spoopy vampire face and charged towards the City College Troopers.

"A frickin' vampire." Dean Spreck calmly glanced at the charging Morbius. "Alright, City Collegians, remember your training for such a situation!"

The City College Troopers threw flasks of holy water on the ground before Morbius. Making a puddle in his way.

"oH FUCK!" Morbius said as he slipped on the holy water and tripped into a slide. The City College Troopers then produced loaves of garlic bread and began beating Morbius with them.

"owowowowowowowowowowow" Morbius curled up into a fetal position as garlic bread left bruising marks on his vampire flesh. The City College Troopers stepped away, and Dean Spreck came forward with his Goya Gatling all revved up as he put a boot with crosses carved into the sole on Morbius' neck.

"Aw, crap." Morbius sighed right before the Dean of City College unleashed the Goya Gatling on him point blank, full blast.

"Damn. Jared's even more useless as fucking Morbius." Ledger Joker expectantly shrugged.

"What are we gonna do, Professor Joker?" Annie asked.

"I don't know! WE NEED A MIRACLE!" Phoenix Joker threw his arms up in frustration.

Laughing in evil triumph, Dean Spreck and the troopers of City College advanced on the helpless Joker Gang like an inevitable boulder of crushing demise. The situation seemed quite dire, but then City College passed a wall that had been entirely covered in blue paint. Almost on cue, the paint itself seemed to stir. So caught up in their seeming invincibility and focused on destroying Joker Gang, City College's forces did not pay attention to the wall and did not see when a shirtless man in glasses and a mustache completely covered in blue paint that had camouflaged him stepped forward from the wall.

The Blue Man reached behind his back and pulled a Rocket Lyncher. It's a rocket launcher that fires paint rockets instead of real ones. Named by its manufacturers after David Lynch, who in addition to being a famous filmmaker is also an artist who does… art. Anyways, the Blue Man whistled. The City College Troopers stopped, turned around, and promptly shit themselves as the Blue Man fired his rocket directly into them. It blew up in the heart of the squadron, sending troopers flying away like bowling pins.

"Who the fuck are you?" Dean Spreck whirled around and revved up the Goya Gatling. Only for another man in glasses, who had a robot arm, to suddenly materialize behind him and tap him on the shoulder.

"Huh?" Dean Spreck was about to turn around but it was too late. With his robot arm, the new man grabbed Dean Spreck by the neck. And then slammed him down onto a backbreaker.

"Put the Dean down!" The two surviving City College troopers demanded. Only for a bloating balding man in a football jacket that barely fit him anymore to spring out of a sewer grate between them with his arms held out high.

"Steve Holt!" The man shouted, as his fists caught the City College troopers in the chin and bent their necks way back. The man holding Dean Spreck brought the Dean of City College down onto another backbreaker for good measure before tossing him into a nearby dumpster.

"Aaaaagh! Medic!" Dean Spreck tried to writhe around in pain in the dumpster, but he couldn't because his back was broken and he could not move so the pain was just coursing through him. The man with the robot arm then shut the dumpster shut and wiped his hands.

Though the immediate and deadly threat of City College had been defeated, Joker Gang eyed their two apparent saviors with some trepidation. Were they really their saviors or some new butchers come to their slaughter? The answer apparently came when GOB sprang up and ran to the two men in joyous apparent recognition.

"Tobias! Buster! You guys came! Conveniently just in the nick of time! Just like I predicted! And… you came… too. I didn't even call you! Hell you come from?" GOB high-fived Tobias Funke and Buster Bluth, two grown ass men also in states of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. But then left Steve Holt hanging.

"Steve Holt?" Steve Holt dejectedly asked.

"Hey, anything for family, huh?" Tobias chuckled.

"Now where's the juice you promised me?" Buster expectantly asked. GOB, with sleight of hand, produced a box of the juicy juice. Buster gleefully took it and poked the straw into the box. "Suh-weet."

"I guess if Abed were here, I guess he'd say something along the lines of 'never too late for more crossover cameos.'" Annie said then cringed. "Gee, I don't even know what those words mean!"

As Buster drank his juice, Chang walked up quite irate. "Hey, that blue guy is already completely covered in paint! How the hell is he allowed to be in the game? THAT'S AGAINST THE RULES!"

"I blue myself." Tobias replied.

"What?"

"There's nothing in the rules to say you can't blue yourself to blend in like a CHAMELEON." To defend himself, Tobias whipped out Dean Pelton's personally written Greendale Paintball Guidebook. It had Dean Pelton and the school's mascot, the Greendale Human Being, posing on the cover like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jim Belushi in Red Heat. "See - all 600 or so pages and not one mention of bluing yourself! Just getting blued by others!"

"STOP SAYING BLUE, YA FRIGGER!" Chang screamed.

"Ok, so the Blue Man Reject was just hiding against the wall the whole time. But where the hell did Four-Eyes come from?" Pierce asked, somewhat hypocritically since he was also wearing glasses and thus a four-eyes. "The freak just popped straight outta thin air!"

"I'm a Milford Man." Buster proudly beamed.

"Elaborate on that." Annie confusedly asked.

"No." Buster smirked. And that was that.

While Chang continued bitching, Joker Gang and Morbius gathered.

"Dunno bout you guys, but I think we just won." Morbius stated.

"We won? Fuck you talking about? You did jackshit, Jared!" Ledger Joker smacked Morbius.

"We haven't won yet…" Phoenix Joker was muttering under his breath. "Where the fuck is Jerry Seinfeld? Where is my REVENGE?"

"Uh, Professor Joker, are you okay?" Annie asked while Ledger Joker continued beating on Morbius. He'd had some garlic fries earlier for a snack so his fingers were extra-lethal to the Living Vampire.

"Ow! Show some goddamn respect! I thinned out their numbers with my vampire powers, didn't I?" Morbius insisted.

"Is delusion one of those powers?" Ledger Joker wildly shook Morbius.

"No, you dummy! I ate a bunch of people who woulda been trouble for you otherwise! I'm a friggin' vampire, man!" Morbius snarled and made a spoopy vampire face. Ledger Joker was not impressed.

"Dude, that's gross! Vore crosses the frickin' line, wacko!" Ledger Joker punched Morbius in the gut, causing him to heave up a half-digested rat he ate earlier. Just like in the game, Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines. Of which the sequel is probably never coming out and if it does, it'll be some Duke Nukem Forever or Cyberpunk 2077 on Last Gen Consoles disaster.

"Hey, even if I didn't eat anyone, I'd still have taken out a whole bunch of your troubles for you by association!"

"What fucking association?"

"Oh, when Jared Leto's Joker got killed, the regeneration process into the next Jared got delayed. So it just looked like I was dead." Morbius explained but already Ledger Joker's eyes were glazing over and he was pulling out his phone to look up some homegrown Simpsons stuff. Perhaps unaware of this, Morbius continued. "The remains of Seinfeld's troupe discovered me and foolishly thought they could perhaps gleam some knowledge about the inner workings of Joker Gang by raising Leto Joker's corpse from the dead and interrogating it. But the lanky fool who tried the ritual knew about as black magic as I know about not being a trillion grossing movie! He instead opened a portal to hell, and it spit out LEGIONS OF DEMONS who have been annhilating friend and foe alike indiscriminately for like an hour now!"

"Wait…" Ledger Joker lowered his phone, on which he'd been watching videos of skateboards failing flips and landing on their dicks. "...what was that about demons? You're just shitting us again for attention, aren't you, Jared? You pathetic creeper piece of Gerard Way wannabe tra"

Ledger Joker's biting insult was cut off as Garrett burst onto the scene, quite panicked and looking like he needed to scream something alarming.

"SEINFELD'S FRIEND KRAMER OPENED A PORTAL TO HELL AND WE'RE BEING INVADED BY HELL! OH GOD WE'RE ALL GONNNNNA DIE!" Garrett screamed before he ran past the Jokers shrieking.

"Huh. Those do look like demons from hell." Ledger Joker realized as he took a glance at the howling hordes bearing down upon them. Leading the horde was Etrigan the Demon, riding a hellhound breathing flames and incinerating the fallen survivors of all factions indiscriminately.

"Joker! You fancy yourself the vilest madman? Your evil pales to the Demon, Etrigan!" Etrigan raised a sword and pointed it at Ledger Joker's nether regions.

"WHY ME?" Ledger Joker asked. "What about him? Kill him first!"

"I have no time for a Taxi Driver impersonator! If I'm still hungry, I may get to him later!" Etrigan shrugged.

"gaaaaaaaah" Phoenix Joker gritted his teeth.

"Demons, schememons!" Steve Holt scoffed. "They're just like termites from hell… and my job is all about fucking up termites! Don't worry, Dad, I'll show you I ain't just some one-night mistake! I'm… STEVE HOLT!"

Steve Holt ran off and found a motorcycle. With some quick jury-rigging attached chainsaws to the sides and a flamethrower via a can of pesticide and a match to the front. This way, you don't just get set on a fire but you also get all those nasty chemicals on ya. All this shit was just lying around or in his pockets, by the way.

"STEVE HOLT!" Steve Holt proudly proclaimed as he hopped on the motorcycle and sped towards the demons to do some asskicking. Hans Zimmer's score to Days of Thunder, the Tom Cruise movie directed by the late but always great Tony Scott that boldly asked What if Top Gun was NASCAR that Hans went unnecessarily but amazingly hard on scoring, began playing.

Only for Jerry Seinfeld to leap out behind a corner with a 2x4 and swing it into Steve Holt. It knocked Steve Holt flying off the bike.

"Sorry dude, but I need this more than you!" Seinfeld proclaimed. The Superman theme once again began playing as he jacked the bike and began riding off while Steve Holt was mercilessly swarmed by demons.

"Steve Holt! Noooooooooooooo!" GOB fell to his knees and wailed. "Egads why was I not more fatherly to him in life! Fuck, where's my Forget-Me-Nows?"

"SEINFELD!" An incensed Phoenix Joker raised his paint-gun and fired it into Seinfeld's face.

"Aw crap!" Seinfeld said as he lost control of the bike in his blindness.

"I KILL YOU." Phoenix Joker leapt and tackled Seinfeld and started smacking him around, while the demons continued to close in.

"Uh, guys, I think we should put aside these grudges for the moment and well, I dunno - do something about those freaking demons!" Annie screamed.

"Too late, Joaquin's been consumed by revenge!"

"I don't even know why you're so pissed at me, Joker! What the hell did I do?" Seinfeld demanded to know as Phoenix Joker tried throttling him.

"You took everything from me! You set me on the path that led to me becoming THE JOKER!" Phoenix Joker raged as Seinfeld squirmed out of his grasp.

"I don't even know you." Seinfeld shrugged as he leisurely back-peddled away. "Y'know, I thought The Joker's arch-enemy was Batman, not me!"

"For the last time, I'm the Joker who don't got a Batman!" Phoenix Joker lunged at Seinfeld again.

"Then the fuck are you calling yourself Joker for and not Unfunny Clown Asshole?" Seinfeld kicked Phoenix Joker in the dick. "Joker is nothing without Batman!"

"GUYS!" Annie shrieked to no avail. She then ran up to GOB who had a dazed expression on his face. Dropped at his feet were several completely empty Forget-Me-Now vials. Tobias was hiding behind GOB's legs, a panicked mess sweating the blue off him. Buster was nowhere to be seen. He presumably had moved to the nearest kitchen. "Hey Magic Man, do something! Cast a hocus pocus portal and send them back to hell or something!"

"Uh, sweetheart, I'm not that kind of magician. I'm the stage kind of magician. You know, like David Copperfield. 'Cept China won't let me anywhere near the Great Wall." GOB sheepishly shrugged. "We kinda got no choice but to die. But hey, I took so many pills just now I probably won't feel the pain. Sucks to be you, I guess."

"What about you, vampire?" Annie pointed at Morbius. "Use your vampire powers to fight them!"

"Bitch, I'm tired. I just got my ass kicked. I need time to recuperate." Morbius also shrugged.

"Fuck! I have to do this by myself again, don't I?" Annie thought for a bit, then got an idea. She stomped over to where Pierce was laying and yanked him up. "Fuck, this is a stupid idea but it's the only one I got! With me, Pierce!"

"Can't you just let me die in peace?!" Pierce demanded as Annie began dragging him away to some unrevealed location.

"I hate to say it, but with Abed and Troy having walked off and the rest of our study group who knows where, it's up to us to save Greendale from fucking demons!" Annie told Pierce. "...and I really don't wanna have to ask Chang to help me."

"OH COME ON!" Chang yelled as a demon had reached him and was scooping him up with a sinister gleam in its eyes.

---

A few minutes later, all hope seemed lost as the demons from hell had taken everyone hostage. Etrigan had Seinfeld and Phoenix Joker, each of them clutched by the neck in one hand. Phoenix Joker didn't seem particularly fussed about the demons, still laser-focused on getting revenge on Seinfeld. He futilely tried to grab at Seinfeld.

"Decisions, decisions, decisions! Poke at me like little incisions!" Etrigan pondered. "Father's Day is coming up, I made no big plans! Perhaps one of you will be a gift to the old man!"

"Uh… what kind of gift?" Seinfeld nervously asked.

"Why, funny man of the declining fandom, you'll be a most talkative condom!" Etrigan laughed.

"Oh no not a condom!" Seinfeld cried.

"It's what you deserve, you joke stealing asshole!" Phoenix Joker yelled.

"Like your delivery wouldn't have bombed those jokes anyways! I'm the one who made your jokes jokes! You think a show called Fleck starrin' you woulda got nine fucking seasons?" Seinfeld defended himself.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Phoenix Joker screamed and strained to get out of Etrigan's heartless grip.

Next to them, Ledger Joker had been pinned down right next to Morbius.

"Y'know, Jared, before we go… I just wanna say I always hated you and your Joker fucking sucked!"

"Oh, go blow a hole, Heath!"

Meanwhile, around a corner, Kramer and George were peeking at the scene.

"Uh, should we do something?" George asked.

"I dunno, it looks like our good friend Jerry is in quite the pickle but I don't know if we're up to the task of saving it! Oh, if only Elaine was here! We could make her take her top off and distract them!"

"You really think that would work?"

Kramer shrugged. George then got an idea.

"Hey! What if we make our way back to the cafeteria and find a buncha pasta? You could make a fusilli Etrigan and then stab him in the asshole with it!" George suggested.

"It's a decent idea. But what about the rest of the demons?" Kramer thumbed at the teeming demonic masses that had surrounded the captive Seinfeld and Joker Gang.

"Well, how often do demons get taken out by uncooked pasta in the asshole?" George stammered. "I'm sure all we need to break them is an unconventional show of strength?"

"Still, that means going back to the cafeteria and last we saw, our old friend The Soup Nazi had taken total control of it. And I doubt he'll be in any mood to listen to our reasonable justifications." Kramer shuddered.

"So I guess there's nothin' we can do that ain't gonna be an immediate and very likely deadly risk to our own well-bein's, huh?"

Kramer nodded.

"Maybe we can just wait. I'm sure somethin' can happen that could resolve this sitch without us havin' to do anythin." George shrugged as he took another look.

Phoenix Joker still hadn't noticed the gravity of the situation, remaining pettily fixated on something Seinfeld did to him like 30-40 years ago. A demon called Fuckpig was currently trying to pull off Ledger Joker's pants.

"Why are you doing this, man? It's gay and you're gay if you do it." Ledger Joker complained.

"Do I look like I would mind that?" The Fuckpig replied.

"C'mon, do Morbius instead." Ledger Joker pleaded.

"Hey!" Morbius whined.

"Ewwww what if Morbius has some freaky Jared Leto sex cult disease? No way!" The Fuckpig retched.

"HEY!" Morbius whined even louder.

"Now spread 'em wide, catamite!" The Fuckpig was about to rip off Ledger Joker's pants when suddenly the song "At Least It Was Here" by The 88 began playing out of nowhere and caught everyone's attention.

I CAN'T COUNT THE REASONS I SHOULD STAY~! The familiar music and lyrics went.

"Fuck, who keeps playing that song?" Ledger Joker asked as the Fuckpig momentarily stopped pulling his pants off.

To answer him, none other than the Greendale Human Being - a bit pudgier than usual but unmistakably the Human Being - strolled out of the shadows holding a boombox high above its head. To the students of Greendale, the Human Being by now was an ordinary sight, as mundane as pigeons. But to the hordes of hell who had never witnessed such a sight, they were completely dumbstruck. Existentially frozen in place as their demonic minds struggled to make sense of what they were seeing.

"UNWASHED BALLS OF THE NAZARENE, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" Etrigan was so horrified by the sight of the Human Being that he stopped rhyming and dropped his two prisoners.

One by one they all just fade away…

The Human Being flicked a button on the boombox as it set it down, and the song playing switched to "What Is Love." The Human Being then began to gyrate and pelvically thrust all over the place.

"That ain't any less overplayed to death!" Ledger Joker whined as he got up and put his pants back up. "Guys, let's get outta here!"

Phoenix Joker ignored him as he was busy chasing Seinfeld in a circle around the petrified Etrigan.

"A temporary truth, Joker?" Seinfeld begged. "At least until these demons are outta our hair!"

"Fine!" Phoenix Joker and Seinfeld joined the survivors in running, only for Morbius to step in their way.

"Why are you running?" Morbius asked. "Those demons are going nowhere as long as that… thing is around! We can kill them where they stand?"

"Us? Kill demons? C'mon, we can barely take on Batman and demons are like a full Justice League threat!" Ledger Joker shook his head.

"Maybe for you mere mortals. But I ain't no mere mortal anymore. That died with my Joker. I'm Morbius… the Living Vampire! And it's…" Morbius dramatically paused. "...MORBIN' TIME!"

Morbius prepared to unleash an epic display of his vampire powers upon the demons. He levitated and his eyes turned red as his features grew more vampiric. Bats crowded in the skies above him, blotting it all out in a canvas of pitch black. But then a familiar voice rang outta nowhere visible, coming from high in the skies above.

"Great Rao, Vampire Jared Leto! Not if I can help it!"

A massive pillar of blazing heat vision rained down, bursting through the bats like an ambulance smashing through cops like in Michael Bay's latest 5/5 Michaelpiece Ambulance. The bats scattered back into the dark as the fire engulfed Morbius, incinerating him until there was nothing left but ashes. A strong gust came and blew the ashes of Morbius into Seinfeld and Pals, Chang, and Joker Gang + Associates.

"GROSS!" Everyone coughed or vomited. As they recovered from their discomfort, they were greeted by the sounds of an invisible jet landing and of a lighting rider breaking through dimensions at the speed of force.

"Holy moly! Is that the Justice League?" Seinfeld's eyes widened like a dumbstruck fanboy. He then giddily squealed as Wonder Woman stepped out of her invisible jet and The Flash skidded to a stop accompanied by thunder and bolts of lighting. "Wow, it is the Justice League!"

(The Justice League are all the DCEU versions unless stated otherwise)

"You know it!" Martian Manhunter said as he casually walked in, chowing down on some Oreo cookies. "Anyone order justice? We deliver it in 30 minutes or less, or it's free!"

"That… doesn't… make sense." The Flash paused. "Big Green, we don't get paid to begin with."

"Batman says he gets paid." Martian Manhunter shrugged.

"That's cause he pays himself. I checked his bank accounts." A robot man said as he stepped out of a random boom tube. It was Cyborg! The Flash just stared blankly at that answer.

"We are in deep shit." Ledger Joker grimaced because they were Jokers aka bad guys and the Justice League were good guys who make a living off of beating up bad guys. "You're tellin' me." George nodded in agreement as he nervously sweated for some reason.

"And if that's the Justice League… then…" Kramer tapped on Seinfeld's shoulder and pointed up. Everyone looked up to see Superman descending from the heavens, his cape gorgeously flowing in the wind behind him. Kramer then looked down, somewhat disappointed. "Hey… where's Aquaman?"

"And Batman, fer that matter? Can ya have a Justice League without Batman?" George asked. The Jokers sweated nervously. The last thing they needed right now was Batman, any of them. "Still, Wonder Woman… God, I wish I had X-ray vision right now."

"Forget Wonder Woman! It ain't the Justice League without Aquaman, goddammit!" Kramer shook his fist.

Kramer was perhaps a bit unaware that they were in land-locked Colorado, states away from the nearest ocean. For the curious, Aquaman had made a hasty excuse to ditch the rest of the team and hit the Rockies to shred those slopes. Outrageous, bro! And if you've been keeping up with this fic, you probably have a good idea what this Justice League's Batman has been doing instead of his justice-y duties!

Nobody bothered asking where Green Lantern was.

"My God! It's Superman.. FOR REAL!" Seinfeld almost fainted. "Of all the days not to have something to be autographed!"

"Oh Sheeeeeeit. The Justice League? Keep them the hell away from me!" Chang turned back and ran away. He began stripping as he ran, throwing his clothes off to the side, screaming all the while. "I uh got Changnesia! You can't prove it was me cause I don't remember any of it!"

"The hell was that about?" Wonder Woman asked. She then noticed she'd stepped in some of Morbius' ashes. "Oh… Kal-El, did you just kill this vampire?"

Superman shrugged. "C'mon, Wondy, it was a vampire. They're already dead, aren't they? So it's not reaaaaaally killing if I kill one. They don't actually have any life to take. Aaaaaaand on top of that, I'm pretty sure it was Jared Leto."

"Batman gave you his loophole handbook?" Wonder Woman asked.

"Heh. That obvious?" Superman chuckled as the Flash sped up to The Jokers.

"Hey, aren't you the guys The Joker? Batman warned us about you!" The Flash cracked his knuckles. "Alright… it's MILLER time!"

"Uh, no! We're innocent as can be!" Phoenix Joker shook his head and The Flash reluctantly stopped his fist mere slivers from Phoenix Joker's face.

"Then why did I hear some young attractive heterosexual white woman crying for help?" Superman struck a contemplative pose. "If it's not you folks and I already took care of the vampire, what's the problem?"

"Ooh! I'm the one who called for help!" Annie skipped back up to everybody. "I had Pierce dress up as the Human Being to distract those demons while I kept calling for help until it came! As a young and attractive heterosexual white woman I figured it wouldn't be too long! But it looks like the Human Being was enough…"

At that moment, Chang knocked down the Human Being as he fled past it causing it to fall face-first on the boombox and spit out the tape. "Owowowowowowowowowowowow" Pierce ripped off the mask of the costume and rubbed his teeth, breaking character. Combined with the end of the music, the effect of the Human Being was shattered and the demons began to stir again quite angrily.

"Heads up, guys! I think that's the problem! Freakin' demon invasion!" The Flash called out and began vibrating intensely as he pumped up his arms and talked real Flash-Fast like. "OhboyohboythisisjustgonnabelikeplayingDoomITSMILLERTIMEYAHELLSPAWNS-O-BS"

"So another Tuesday then." Wonder Woman shrugged and shook her hair out. She stretched out her palms, then yawned gentlelady-like. "I don't even need the sword for this."

"As much as I'd like to kick some ass, we are in a residential area. With people. You know how pissed off the computer internet gets when we do our fighting these days in any Earthly place that isn't like a deserted decaying industrial complex or empty quarry." Superman held his arms out to stop the Justice League in their tracks right as they were about to leap into a cool slow-mo pre-asskicking team pose. "Now I know this place was already trashed before we got here, but I just know the moment one of us throws a punch some douchebag Tweeter is gonna be all up our ass about how this is all our fault and we're being irresponsible with our powers again."

Wonder Woman sighed. "Plan B then?"

"Yep." Superman nodded. At that, the Flash sped off while Superman and Wonder Woman whipped out their phones and made a call.

"Goddamn it I don't get to do anything again!" Cyborg complained. Martian Manhunter shrugged, but did seem to consume his Oreos in a more agitated manner.

In just a few seconds, a magic portal opened up and the magic DC superheroes Zatanna and Doctor Fate walked out. Some punk kid popped out of a nearby manhole, screamed SHAZAM, and turned into Shazam aka the superhero formerly known as Captain Marvel. Shazam waved at Superman, who flashed a thumbs-up in return. And The Flash zoomed back in, this time with a ruffled blonde Englishman in a dirty trenchcoat in tow. The Englishman promptly vomited on The Flash as soon as he was dropped off.

The Flash retched. Then promptly ran back in time to undo the events so the vomiting was undone. The Flash wiped his brow in relief. "Whew! Thank you Speed Force!"

"Fuckin' bastard curry…" The Englishman muttered as he hacked a few coughs. "Flash, you're a fuckin' arse!"

"John! Is that you!" Kramer cried in recognition.

"Bleedin' hell! Kramer, what are you doin' here?" John Constantine asked.

"Oh, that demonic invasion? I might've accidentally caused it. By opening a gateway to hell." Kramer sheepishly said, emphasizing the word accidentally. "I was, uh, trying to raise the dead. Did the wrong spell."

"Kramer, mate, I did warn you about carelessly throwin' magic about! The price is always higher than the prize!" Constantine sighed.

"I know, John, I know now! But what are you doin' here? I never took you for a Justice Leaguer!"

"I'm bloody well not a fucking Justice Leaguer! Batman's bloody goons just press-ganged me into their superhero bollocks, again! These fucking underwear lightshow parties aren't me scene! That one spot of Crisis wankery with Swamp Thing was enough! But they keep draggin' me back!" John Constantine ranted. "They're drivin' me round the bloody bend!"

Stressed, Constantine reached for a cigarette and lit it, only for Superman to blow it out.

"Those things are bad for you, Mr. Constantine." Superman tactly said.

"Fuckin' hell! Your dads were Captain Obvious or what, Supes?" John hung his head, frustrated. To learn more, check out the Hellblazer classic comic yarn - Dangerous Habits! By Garth Ennis and William Simpson. Collected in Hellblazer Vol 5: Dangerous Habits or the Hellblazer by Garth Ennis Omnibus. Or you could just watch the Keanu movie. I have not been paid by any of these individuals to promote these products.

"John, I know you don't like playing superhero but if you help us, I'll let you touch my tits." Zatanna offered as she winked. "I'll maybe even… throw in a lil' extra if you really put your back into it."

"Fuck, they always know how to get me! I oughta rename meself Mr. Sucker!" Constantine sighed as he joined up with the superheroes.

"Uh, what's happening? Fuck, this arc is really making us sideshows in our own fanfic! This is all gettin' outta hand!" Phoenix Joker whispered to Ledger Joker as the magic superheroes got in a circle and began doing some chanting and fancy hand motions. A magic portal began to brew in the middle of the circle, where Shazam then flew up high and powered the portal by blasting it with

"LIGHTING WITH MY HANDS!" Shazam shouted.

"Let's get outta here. Just because we didn't do it doesn't mean they ain't gonna try to pin it on us afterwards." Ledger Joker whispered back.

"I got an idea." Phoenix Joker snapped his finger, quietly. "We can go tell the Dean we won the paintball and get that PS5 while everyone else is distracted by this. C'mon, Joker Gang, let's jokerfy and roll out. But one thing first…"

Phoenix Joker deviously eyed Seinfeld, still awestruck by all the superheroes in one place. Phoenix Joker did his business, then the Joker Gang snuck away.

---

"Cigam Latrop, dens eseht snomed kcab ot lleh!" Zatanna commanded as the magic portal fully powered up and began sucking not just the demons back into hell, but everything in the immediate vicinity that wasn't nailed down.

"The designs of hell have gone awry, all thanks to the meddling of Superman and friends. But why fall when I could rise? Thus I defect to the winning side, my fellow demons-in-arms be damned!" Etrigan surveyed the situation and shrugged. The yellow demon reluctantly cursed underneath his breath the rhyming incantation that would restore control of his form to his human host Jason Blood.

Jason Blood, rising from the smoke where Etrigan stood, surveyed the destruction around him.

"Damn, Etrigan, what did you do this time?" Jason Blood nervously asked.

"Everyone, if you don't want an indefinite vacation in Hades, I do believe you should run." Superman lifted off and started flying away.

"You don't have to tell me twice, Superman!" Kramer nodded as he and George started to sprint. Kramer then noticed something was off as only George was at his side. He then looked over his shoulder as he heard the unmistakable sound of someone falling splat on their face. "Jerry! What's wrong?"

Seinfeld had fallen and he couldn't get up.

"I can't believe it!" The exasperated comedian cried as he looked down at his legs. "Someone tied my shoelaces together!"

Seinfeld noticed a playing card had been stuffed in his right shoe. Slowly he reached for the card and pulled it out to look at it. The horrific realization was dawning upon him the whole time. Seinfeld turned the card over to see that it was The Joker. And scribbled upon the front in Sharpie was the message

JOKES ON U BICH ROFLMAO

"Oh come on!" Seinfeld cried as the magic portal hit full power and the gateway to hell began pulling him in. Seinfeld tried clawing his way to safety, but rotting hands of the damned burst out of the Earth and clamped around him like a vise. Seinfeld soon could only scream in agony.

"JERRY NO!" Kramer cried and ran back for Seinfeld, only for George to restrain him.

"Nothing we can do for him now, Kramer!" George said. "You'd think Jerry would rather want us to live or join him for eternal punishment in hell?"

"Really, George!?" Seinfeld yelled.

"Sorry, Jerry, but you ain't thinkin' clearly! Wait 'till the moment's passed and you're way less emotional about it!" George insisted as he dragged the weeping Kramer away.

"Save me, Superman!" And those were the last words Jerry Seinfeld said as he was dragged to hell screaming and burning. Superman flew towards Seinfeld, his eyes burning red as he charged his heat vision up, but it was too late. The portal that sent the demons back to hell sealed up right before Superman reached it.

"Damn!" Superman pounded the ground in frustration. "We couldn't save him!"

"Yeah, but think of all the people we saved who weren't him. Who knows how many more would have been lost had we tarried in completing our spell or had we undone it just to save Seinfeld. Besides, was the show Seinfeld really that funny anyways? Especially when you compare it to genius modern day works like... RICK AND MORTY!" Doctor Fate walked up to Superman and shrugged. "Perhaps this outcome was simply fated to happen. Even you, Superman, can't save everyone in the world."

"Yeah. Maybe I can't. But that don't make the taste any less bitter goin' down." Superman shrugged, then instantly shifted his demeanor. "Ah, what the heck! We just saved the day, let's get something to eat!"

"I want nachos!" Wonder Woman raised her sword and banged it against her shield. "Nachos, nachos, nachos!"

Most of the Justice League left, leaving behind an inconsolable Kramer and a couple other stragglers.

"My best friend Jerry's gone! And it's all my fault for opening that damn gateway to hell to begin with!" Kramer wailed with self-loathing.

"There, there." Constantine put a hand on Kramer's shoulder. He was in a rather euphoric mood at the moment as he'd just gotten back from Zatanna fulfilling her end of the bargain. "I know a thing or two about fuckin' up and gettin' a mate killed by your own hubris."

"Tell me it gets easier, John, tell me!" Kramer grabbed at Constantine's legs.

"Of course, mate. Of course, mate. After the two-hundredth or so to bite it, it really does. But in the short term - lots of booze and cigarettes tends to do the trick." Constantine suggested. He lit one up and offered it to Kramer. Kramer reached into his pocket and produced a cigar.

"Thanks, but no thanks. Brought my own." Kramer puffed on his cigar. "Hmm… you're right, I am feeling somewhat better. But still so full of guilt and self-loathing."

"Let's get blackout bloody drunk then. Oi! You there!" Constantine called out to Troy and Abed, who were just walking around for some reason.

"Troy and Abed, walking around campus for some reason!" Troy and Abed sang, before they stopped and noticed they were being called. Abed asked. "Hey, aren't you John Constantine?"

"Bloody hell, you actually pronounced my name correctly." Constantine was mildly shocked. For those not in the know, the name is meant to rhyme with Fine not Halloween but it seems few, not even those working on the comics or official adaptations remembers/knows that. "What kind of a neeeeeerd are you?"

"You have no idea." Abed smiled off-puttingly. "So, how can we help you?"

"Know anywhere in this town for a down-on-his-luck fella and his mate to get wasted all to hell?" Constantine asked.

Abed was about to answer when he briefly twitched and looked like he got stung by an electric eel. Everyone stared at him curiously. Then he started talking like nothing had happened.

"Why go into town when our campus has a super secret special speakeasy just for these kinds of situations!" Abed beamed. "C'mon, I'll show you the way?"

"Wait… we do?" Troy asked, confused.

"I know, Troy! It's like I just remembered it existed out of nowhere, as if I had suddenly come into existence and it's like it's always been there! Kind of like whenever a superhero timeline reboots or retcons itself and we act like that's the way things have always been. Cool, I guess."

"Did someone say there's a bar on campus?" The Flash suddenly sped up to them with a big platter of loaded nachos in his arms. The Flash ate through the entire plate in a few seconds and threw the plate over his shoulder, shattering it. "Can I come?"

"Hey, you're The Flash. Cool, why not." Abed shrugged.

"Awesome! That means there's still time for… MILLER TIME!" The Flash cheered.

"Uh, John, what's Miller Time?" Kramer whispered.

"Dunno, mate, but I think maaaaaybe we oughta ditch Speedy 'ere after one drink…" Constantine suggested to the others.

"Hey, aren't you coming?" Kramer noticed George was not tagging along.

"Er, no. I'm gonna… go… track down… The Jokers… about something." George nervously adjusted his shirt.

"Oh, you're gonna avenge Jerry? I bet it was those Jokers who tied his shoelaces and sent him to hell! Say no more, George, say no more. I wish you the best of luck!" Kramer waved good-bye as he and his new makeshift Dangerous Nights crew went striding off into the [whatever time of day this is].

"Yeah… avenge Jerry… that's the plan." George suspiciously said as he crept off.

As everyone was gone, no one noticed that the scattered ashes that had been Morbius suddenly began to glow and clump back together. And thus, a new regeneration into a new Jared began.

---

The Jokers were walking to the Dean's office triumphantly, to report of their triumph in the game of Greendale Paintball. They arrived at the door to the Dean's office, and Phoenix Joker was about to open it. He'd been in such good spirits over his final triumph over Seinfeld and the fact he was about to claim the grand prize of PS5 (everyone in the game had been so fixated on winning that PS5, that the Dean had insisted on calling PSV for some reason - maybe he was really into Roman numerals - that Phoenix Joker had forgotten his original motive for fighting in the first place) for his Joker Gang that he did not hear a nearby locker creaking open.

Jeff Winger burst out of the locker, firing wildly. He'd been hiding in there since he'd taken one look at the active war zone and had gotten cold feet, and decided to cancel his revenge rampage in favor for the more tactically sound strategy of ambushing whoever the winner was.

"It's payback time, you fucking clowns!"

"fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" Ledger Joker cried and he whirled around to gun Jeff down but it was too late. Paint splattered against every member of Joker Gang. Bodies whirled about and fell in balladic slow-motion, like a bloody gun-down in a Woo or Peckinpah flick.

"I'm still the King of this Campus, Joker! I'm the Greatest! I'm the Greatest!" Jeff celebrated.

"Our PS5! Nooooooooooooooo!" Ledger Joker collapsed onto his knees and had an existential breakdown.

"Ah, well. At least I got my revenge." Phoenix Joker fell on his back and lit up a cigarette.

"Hey, I thought you were out of the game already!" Annie protested.

"I was. But I told the Dean what happened and he gave me a special second chance pass." Jeff explained.

"Fuck! That's so not fair!" Annie complained. Jeff just shrugged.

Jeff entered the Dean's office.

"Guess who won, Pelton!" Jeff announced.

"I expected no one else!" The Dean giddily replied and he opened a drawer in his desk. "Ok, let's just get you your prize now…"

But before the finalizing deed could be done, Jeff heard footsteps behind him. Female. He thought he recognized the steps. But they weren't Annie's or Shirley's.

Oh no. A sudden thought formed in his head as he realized who was standing behind him.

"It ain't over till I say it's over!" A paint shotgun was cocked. And before Jeff could fire back or duck or dive out of the way, he was blasted in the back with such painted force that he was flung directly into the Dean, landing on top of him.

"Oooh Jeffrey!" The Dean squealed.

"What the hell!" Jeff cried as he got up to face Britta Perry, who'd just shot him in the back and stolen the victory from him. "I thought you were in traction!"

"I was! But then all of a sudden, it was suddenly like I wasn't anymore! Then I went out, realized what was happening, and I knew I had to win it! For Hillary and Kamala!" Britta crazily said.

The Dean sighed. "I was so looking forward to giving you the prize, Jeffrey, but rules are rules. Britta won and so she gets my 'ol Playstation Vita."

"Wait… what the fuck? A Vita?" Britta and Jeff turned to look at the Dean.

"Now that's a name I hadn't heard in a long time." Ledger Joker whispered to Phoenix Joker.

"Yeah! Now I'm glad we didn't win! Because their unexpected torment is our pleasantly surprising schadenfreude!" Phoenix Joker started snickering.

"What? I said a PSV would be the big prize for winning paintball." The Dean looked at them, confused at their crushed disappointment. "This PSV gave me so many hours of pleasure and I thought it was time to pass that pleasure onto a good friend… that's why you were supposed to win this fucking game, Jeff!"

"Who the fuck wants a Playstation Vita?" Jeff moaned. "We all did this because we thought the prize was a Playstation Five!"

"Jeffrey! Did you really think I can afford a PS5, let alone find one?" The Dean wagged a scolding finger at Jeff. "Besides, why would I be calling it a PSV if it was a Playstation 5? V for Vita, 5 for Five! Hoooo-eee, it ain't that complicated! Did you think I was really into Roman Numerals or something?"

"We tore this campus up for a freaking misunderstanding! Can you name anything more embarrassing?" Jeff asked.

"Well, there was that time I texted feet pics to my nephew." Britta answered.

"Why the hell would you do something like that? AND ADMIT YOU DID SOMETHING LIKE THAT?" Jeff yelled.

"Hey you asked! Just like he asked for them!" Britta defended herself. Everyone, from Jeff to the Dean to the Joker Gang peering in from the open doorway, looked completely horrified. "Hey! He said they were for a science project! How was I supposed to know he was lying? How was I supposed to know those messages we then exchanged 'roleplaying' weren't actually practice for asking out a girl he liked? Was I supposed to predict that his mom would find him doing 'things' while looking at the things I sent him? AND SHE BLAMED ME! IT WASN'T MY FAULT! Now they're trying to get me placed on one of those 'special' lists! It's not my fault! How was I supposed to know, Jeff?"

Jeff looked at Britta. Thought real hard about all the things she was saying.

Then he vomited.

"Ugh! You're so judgmental, Jeff!" Britta chastised him. "Typical patriarchy!"

---

"Ready to head back to Gotham, Heath?" Phoenix Joker asked sometime later as they finished packing up their things in the classroom that had briefly been the home of Intro to Jokerfication. Life in Greendale had returned to normal, like the cataclysmic destruction wrought upon it during paintball had never happened to begin with.

"Yeah… just a few more things we gotta take care of first." Ledger Joker looked out the window, where GOB was trying to hit on the new Joker Annie Edison via Franklin while Tobias and Buster cheered him on. "We don't really need that magic asshole or his groupies around, do we?"

"I suppose not. Goons are a dime-a-dozen. You wanna be the one to tell him?"

"Why the heck not?" Ledger Joker and Phoenix Joker stepped out to tell GOB and his pals to buzz off but before they could reach them, they were suddenly accosted by George Costanza.

"I finally caught up to you Jokers!" George pointed at them. "About damn time!"

"Who the hell are you?" Ledger Joker asked. "Some reject live-action Penguin?"

"Hell no! I'm gonna be your new Joker!" George proclaimed. "I heard you were lookin' for 'em!"

"Heeeeeey! I recognize you! You're Seinfeld's stupid fat friend!" Phoenix Joker realized.

"I was! But now, call me Joker Numero Tres!" George declared.

"Uh, we already got a new Third Joker." Phoenix Joker thumbed at Annie.

"C'mon? A Girl Joker? That's a gimmick that ain't gonna last! You don't wanna regret passin' up on the chance of a lifetime later!"

"Hey baldo!" Ledger Joker rudely flicked at the hair-piece George was wearing. George irritatedly held onto it. "What makes you think you got Joker qualifications?"

"Are ya kidding? I freakin' invented the WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY slogan you're always saying!" This initiated a quick montage of every time in a Seinfeld episode George said We're living in a society! or some such variant starting with The Chinese Restaurant. "Now everyone thinks you Jokers invented it! You think just because you say live while I say living means it's different? Yeah right! And do I see a bit of recognition or dime for being the real creator? No! You clowns can't expect to just coast off of my hard work! I've suffered just as much from living in a society as youse twos! So it's about damn time I got some compensation for it! You can either pay me now, or let me be a Joker! What's it gonna be, schmucks?"

Before this question could be answered, the familiar angry bark of a character in this crossover who's spent this whole chapter faded into the background was heard. Everyone turned around to see The Soup Nazi angrily storming up to them, and he was accompanied by several other Seinfeld secondary and one-off characters. The mob included: David Puddy! Poppie! Mr. Pitt! Sue Ellen Mischke! The woman who won't swing her arms when she walks! Yuri Testikov and the woman he grievously injured with Elaine Benes' organizer! Actress Raquel Welch! And so many more! In fact, it seemed to be everybody who ever had the misfortune of encountering Elaine Benes, with the exception of those Bizarro Jerry freaks. They were probably too well-adjusted for the barbarities of revenge and paintball.

"How about I shove this bread-shiv up your fat rectal sphincter, little man?" The Soup Nazi threatened as he pulled a piece of hardened bread that had been sharpened into a jagged edge.

"Eeeep! Why me! What have I ever done to ya! I followed your freaking Nazi soup rules to the letter! After the first time, at least! C'mon, ain't I a good customer?!" George defended himself.

"You are the Woman's Friend! We waited all this while for her to show up to serve her the soup of justice! But she has been a no-show! And Seinfeld was dragged to hell!" The Soup Nazi bared his teeth. Upon hearing confirmation that his plan had succeeded, Phoenix Joker victoriously pumped his arms and started dancing around. Everyone stared, then got back to the matter at hand. "And Kramer… well, he is Kramer. That is punishment enough. But you… you are just walking bad vibrations all around! Thus, we shall satiate our vengeful needs upon you!"

"Noooooooooooooo" George screamed as the vengeful mob closed in on him. But their imminent satiation of their bloodlust was suddenly interrupted when GOB cried out amidst the violent screeching of wheels.

"HOLY SMOKES IS THAT THE COMPANY CAR" GOB pointed at a very conspicuous stair car branded on the sides with a logo reading Bluth Company that was erratically speeding towards them.

"Dive!" Phoenix Joker yelled and Joker Gang dove, along with George, but for the mob it was too late as it smashed through them all, except for Sue Ellen Mischke who with sharp thinking quickly ripped her jacket off to reveal she was only wearing a bra and just a bra underneath. The stair car abruptly screeched to a halt, stopping mere centimeters from smooshing into her mammaries.

"Never fails!" Sue Ellen Mischke smiled.

"Aaaaaugh! So close!" A frustrated female voice came from inside the Stair Car.

"Hey? Is that?" George perked up in sudden recognition. Disbelief carved itself across his face.

There were the sounds of some commotion inside the Stair Car. Then all of a sudden, a brunette woman stumbled out of the car and onto the lawn. She was in the middle of fixing her hair, and had something on her lips that she quickly wiped off when she noticed everyone staring.

"What?" She asked.

"ELAINE?" George asked.

"George!" Elaine Benes responded. "It's been so long!"

"Yeah! Emphasis on long! Where the hell were you?" George demanded. But Elaine wasn't paying attention. She was instead looking over the broken trail of bodies the braking of the Stair Car had left in its wake. The woman who didn't swing her arms when she walked was in her dying throes, still refusing to move her arms as life left her body as it thrashed about. Elaine threw her a stare of total disbelief and then noticed she'd stepped in David Puddy's gaping wound of Puddy guts. David screamed in agony. What did Elaine say when she realized that her antics had just horrifically wounded her most persistent ex-lover?

"Fuck! My shoes are ruined!" Elaine shrieked. She sighed and continued to look at the carnage the Stair Car had wrought.

Once again Poppie had wet himself thanks to Elaine. His piss was much redder than usual.

"Hey, I remember you! Hell are you doing here, jackass?" Elaine asked The Soup Nazi, who was currently pinned underneath the wheel of the Stair Car.

"At least we meet again, old enemy! Taken out by your dirty sneak attack! Ach nein! I never should've left Argentina!" The Soup Nazi mused before he passed out from his injuries.

"Yeah, make it all about you! You really think your soup makes you that special huh? Well guess who's run over and who isn't! Yeah! Thought so!" Elaine triumphantly danced over the Soup Nazi.

"ELAINE!" George yelled.

"What!? ...Oh? Yeah… that thing. Paintball. Not my thing. It'd ruin my clothes." Elaine shrugged. "You know how much I paid for these shoes alone? And now look at 'em! Auuuuuuugh..."

"But ya still came..." George scratched his head.

"Yeah, thought I'd just show up near the end to lend you guys some moral support. Maybe I shoulda just stayed home."

"This is nowhere near the end! This is way after!" George exasperatedly reminded her.

"Oh, I got… um… distracted hitchhiking here. I got to talking with the driver… and… things happened." Elaine shrugged.

At that moment, the driver's door on the Stair Car popped open and a flustered looking man fell out, awkwardly pulilng up his pants and quickly buckling the belt before his knees gave out and he keeled over. He looked like a man who'd had several stressful years trying to keep his family all together, or whatever. His eyes were widened, rolled back. He kept mouthing one word over and over. "WOW!"

"MICHAEL!" Gob cried out in recognition and started running over. "You changed your mind! You also came! Too late to the party, but oh boy it's the thought that counts!"

"Wait a second! Lil brother - why is your fly open?" GOB screeched to a a halt, averted his eyes, and asked the fallen Michael Bluth. GOB then looked inside the Stair Car. Huddled in the back was a traumatized George Michael Bluth who was curled up, rocking back and forth. The 20-something kid who suspiciously looked like a 30-something Michael Cera kept muttering "I can't unsee.."

"GOB? The hell are you doing here?" Michael Bluth slowly regained consciousness and looked around his surroundings. "Buster! You too? Tobias! And you blue yourself again?"

"You know it!" Tobias nodded. He still hadn't cleaned himself off. "It's a tactical advantage in paintball!"

"What paintball?" Michael apathetically asked.

"Wait… you don't know why I asked you out here? The… email… texts… I sent you?" GOB seemed crushed.

"Oh, those? I had George Michael read and reply No to ALL OF THEM so I wouldn't have to even lay an eye on 'em. I was just on my way to the Rockies for some well-deserved R&R with my son and ONLY my son. It's a mere coincidence I ended up here cause I met that amazing hitchhiker on the road." Michael carelessly replied. "Y'see, you may be family but that only goes so far! I've given too many years to you assholes. I actually do have a choice… not to keep you all together."

"We'll see about that." A hurt GOB glared menacingly as he whipped some Forget-Me-Nows out of his pocket.

"Aw, not now, GOB! We're in public! Don't be a developmentally arrested embarassment for onnnceaaaaaaah!" GOB chased Michael Bluth like a goose, tackled him, and they began tussling in the dirt. Everyone stared, then decided it was best to mind their own business and let things play out however they would. And were his eyes playing tricks on him, Phoenix Joker thought, or was there a suspcious looking bald man hiding in the nearby bushes recording the whole thing on his phone? Eh, they'd dwelt on this sideplot long enough. It probably wouldn't come up again in the final stretch of this fanfic.

"So… where's Jerry?" Elaine asked George as she reached for his hairpiece. "And what's up with this doofy hairpiece?"

"Uh, don't touch, Elaine. It's a long story. And as for Jerry - you're too late. Jerry got dragged to hell." George said.

"Huh. Sucks to be him." Elaine shrugged. "Ahh, I'm sure it's not that bad. How bad can hell really be? I mean, Jerry's Jewish, isn't he? Don't they believe in a whole different hell from hell?"

"Um, I'm pretty sure hell's the same for Jews and Christians. It's just the Jesus stuff and consumption of pork they disagree on." George said.

"Hey, Jerry's rich and famous, remember? I'm sure that hell works just like our justice system. There's no need to be worried." Elaine shrugged. "Now, if you're here and Jerry's in hell - where's Kramer?"

At that moment, a siren-blaring police car sped on by with Kramer, John Constantine, and The Flash stuffed in the back.

"We don't even know this arse, ya fascists!" Constantine insisted. "Kramer, I told ya we shoulda ditched this prat after the first drink! But you just 'ad to go a few on the karaoke!"

"How was I supposed to know Lady Gaga would set him off?" Kramer wailed.

"If I'm going down, I'm taking all of you with me! Miller Time is a group activity, bitches!" The Flash drunkenly yelled as he kept trying to use his super-speed to vibrate through to the front of the car to strangle the sexy female police officers with the cuffs but he was too drunk to do so.

"Holy Cats! Elaine! Is that you? Get Jackie Chiles on the phone!" Kramer yelled as the car passed George and Elaine.

"So I guess there's no big reunion for the four of us, huh? I haven't felt this jilted since those stupid Star Wars sequels… whaddabout you, Elaine? …huh, Elaine, where'd ya go?" George looked and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Elaine had gone off and was casually chatting with The Jokers.

George stomped over to Elaine and The Jokers. He huffed his chest up.

"Hey, what's goin' on here?" George asked.

"We got to talking and we think we will take on a Fourth Joker today. But it'll be her. Not you." Phoenix Joker informed George.

"WHAT?! But I've been workin' towards this my whole life! Meanwhile, she just talks to you for a few seconds and she's ready to start jokin' around?"

"Yeah." Phoenix Joker shrugged dismissively. He looked at George, then at Elaine. "I mean, look at you. And look at her. Who exudes the real Joker vibes here? C'mon, let's get outta here."

"I can't believe it. Me - a man who worked hard to attain his dream! In fact, I invented the dream! But I get screwed over for the promotion that should be mine cause a pretty woman was also in line for it? Goddamn it, it's like WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY! See, I can say it as good as you Jokers do! ...uh, guys?" George complained to deaf ears as Joker Gang walked off. "How could this day get any worse?"

At that moment, a strong gust blew off his hairpiece. Revealing the swastika he got tattooed on his forehead that he thought would protect his ass while he was in prison. At that moment, Troy and Abed were walking by.

"Troy and Abed, we left the bar early and didn't arrested like The Flash! Troy and Abed, we're back to walking around campus for some reason!" Troy and Abed skipped arm-in-arm, but skidded to a halt when they saw George and what was on his forehead.

"What… the.. fuck?" Troy stared at George.

"Uh, kid, it ain't what it looks like!" George stammered, trying to come up with an excuse that would sound rational.

Troy and Abed rolled their sleeves up. Troy then whipped out his phone, and began calling all the black and Jewish and LGBT students of Greendale for a special gathering. "Troy and Abed, gonna kick a skinhead's ass!"

"Oh come on!" George cried and then started running.

---

Epilogue 1 - Community

"What are you so down about?" Jeff Winger briefly looked up from browsing his phone. He'd been looking at the hot new Twitter of the moment "Cringe Stuff My Aunt Texts Me" Twitter Handle MyWeirdButHotAunt which had been started by Britta's nephew after some advice by Pierce. Troy Barnes seemed rather downsullen, while Abed sat next to him as chipper as ever.

"Take a big guess." Britta, sitting next to Jeff, glared.

"I wasn't talking to you, Britta." Jeff dismissed her.

"I swear, Jeff, if I wasn't like fully vaxxed and double-boosted I'd get corona just so I could give it to you'!" Britta hissed.

"Yes… that coronavirus thing again. I still don't see any proof of it." Jeff shrugged. Still, he'd been seeing more students at Greendale violently coughing and hacking for air lately. And this morning, when he tried to smell his coffee - well he could barely make out the beans. It kinda pissed him off. Wasn't just some overpriced Starbucks Sugar Bombs crap, it was some damn fine beans he'd paid damn real dollars for. Eh, he was certain it was just a coinky-dink.

"Yeah… keep telling yourself that, Jeffy-baby." Britta crazily winked at him.

"We might get evicted. We missed the rent and the landlord's fucking atomic about it." Troy said as he blankly stared right at Jeff.

"What? Even with Annie gone off with those Jokers, you guys could still make the rent without her." Jeff reminded him.

"Well, I didn't expect Abed to instead spend his entire half of the rent on a VINEGAR SYNDROME SUBSCRIPTION!" Troy yelled in Abed's ears suddenly. It did not shake Abed.

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "Vinegar Syndrome? What's that?"

Abid abruptly stirred to life and stared at the reader and said the following without blinking and smiling the whole time:

"What's Vinegar Syndrome? I'm so glad you asked, Jeff! Vinegar Syndrome is an awesome home video company out of Connecticut dedicated to the restoration and preservation of obscure cult cinema on physical media. They put out top-notch 4K and Blu-Ray remasters of masterpieces like Alien Private Eye, Ebola Syndrome, Six-String Samurai, Tammy and the T-Rex, and New York Ninja" Abed raised five fingers, which he then folded up into a thumbs-up. "Their catalog runs the gamut from hidden gems to my personal favorite horrible crap to actual porn. Though let's not focus on that last one."

"Abed, why the hell do you need a movie called Alien Private Eye on Blu-Ray?" Jeff scoffed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was suspecting he would end the day with a headache.

"Because Lemro." Abed answered.

"The fuck's a Lemro? Wait, don't answer" Jeff sighed. He looked at Troy. Troy just shrugged.

"Anyways, before I was rudely interrupted by Jeff - I heard Vinegar Syndrome was planning to release a 4K UHD of Hong Kong Category III action classic Neo Kickpuncher starring Don 'The Dragon' Wilson and Gary Daniels with action sequences cheoreographed by Sammo Hung! Not only that - but the long-lost alternate Japanese cut Shin Kickpuncher containing 30 minutes of alternate footage and a brand new composite Shin Neo Kickpuncher cut overseen by original director Corey Yuen himself ALL IN 4K - I just knew I had to drop the $500+ dollars for the Half-Year Subscription during Vinegar Syndrome's Halfway to Black Friday sale on top of the $200 I already paid for various movies. So not only do I get all of Vinegar Syndrome's mainline releases for the rest of this year, every month I also get a 50% discount to use on all their other releases like site-exclusive limited editions or porn so I don't need to wait for a sale if I want them. And if I've got your attention, you too can subscribe during their upcoming Black Friday sale this November 2022 for a full year of movies delivered to your doorstep! Great deal or what, guys?" Abed smiled at the rest of the study group.

Troy, Jeff, and Britta all stared back at him blankly.

"I also should point out I was not paid by the great hard-working crew at Vinegar Syndrome to say this." Abed added. "No, I was paid only by LOVE FOR TRUE FILM AND CINEMA!"

"Abed… where are you gonna put all this crap at our place? When are you even gonna get the time to watch them?" Troy asked. "HOW ARE WE EVEN GONNA HAVE A PLACE WHEN WE GET EVICTED?"

"I dunno. I was gonna figure that out later." Abed shrugged.

"Ooooooh-kaaaay, let's just move on and forget this ever happened, huh?" Britta suggested. "Like you assholes won't move on and forget that I was tricked into texting my nephew feet pics!"

"Hey, you're the one who keeps bringing it up!" Jeff pointed out. "And were you really tricked, Britta?"

"Don't gaslight me, Jeff!" Britta jeered at Jeff.

"I just miss Annie, guys." Troy sighed. "It just doesn't feel right that she's the first of us to leave… feel like it shoulda been someone else, y'know? And where's Pierce and Shirley?"

"I… I think we left Shirley at my HQ." Chang piped up. Yes, he'd just been sitting in the room with them the whole time.

"So why don't you get her, Chang?" Jeff asked.

"Are you kidding? I don't remember where my HQ is! I still got… CHANGNESIA." Chang quickly blurted out. "My memory is only partially returned, and as long as it stays that way, I can't be held accountable for whatever I did during that period of my life!"

"That doesn't answer where Pierce went. He said he had to do something very urgent, and he just never came back." Troy thought out loud. At that moment, Garrett burst in.

"PIERCE IS DEAD! HE JUST STARTED JACKING OFF AND HE DIDN'T STOP UNTIL HE SHOT OUT ENOUGH SPERM TO FILL LIKE FIVE CANISTERS! THEN HE JUST DROPPED OVER DEAD! OH GOD, SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Garrett shouted. Then he ran out the room. But then poked his head back in to quickly add before leaving for real. "Oh, and his last words were 'Let's Go Brandon.' Whatever that means. He shouted it every time he shot his load."

"What… Pierce is dead?" Troy said. "What's going on?"

"I have an answer for that!" A deep black voice said. And in walked Elroy, thankfully fully clothed now. "I warned you that the past, present, and future would collide if we did not save the timeline in time, Jeff Winger! Now it's coming to pass! How do you think Ms. Perry miraculously recovered from complete paralysis to take you out in paintball? The timeline isn't correcting itself but instead smashing together with other timelines! Mixing and matching to create a whole new timeline in a mess of reboots and retcons! The whole infinite multiverse may collapse into just one universe, and golly, that ain't any fun at all!"

"I don't understand what any of this bullshit means." Jeff skeptically looked at Elroy.

"I do. You ought to read more comic books, Jeff." Abed shrugged.

"Yeah right. I don't believe any of thi–URRRRRK!" Jeff stepped out of his seat, keeled over and felt a burning sensation overwhelm his body. When he recovered, Jeff saw that the whole room was staring at him in shock except for Elroy who was expectantly nodding. Jeff looked down at himself and found he was wearing unfamiliar clothes. And his memories of last Tuesday were very different than they were a second ago. Jeff took his phone out and put it in selfie mode. He was dressed like Christian Slater in True Romance crossed with Christian Slater in Heathers.

"What the hell happened?" Jeff took a step towards the study group table, only to trip on a skateboard. Jeff fell assfirst on a boombox, which started playing the theme from Kuffs starring Christian Slater. Ignoring the music, Jeff flipped the skateboard over. On the bottom, the initials J.W. were engraved on the skateboard. "Whuh… I don't have a skateboard. So why is this skateboard mine and I'm suddenly remembering skating like every day now?"

"It's obvious that you've been retconned with a Jeff Winger from another timeline!" Elroy explained. "A Jeff Winger for whom the film 'Gleaming the Cube' starring Christian Slater clearly made a big life-changing impression on! None of us, I repeat none of us, are safe from a fluid timeline! Anything could change at any moment without warning."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Chang perked up and raised his hand. "Is that why I got Changnesia?"

"No, you just made that bullshit up in an attempt to avoid punishment." Elroy dismissed him.

"I bet the courts will think differently…" Chang grumbled.

"Man, this is kinda exciting, Troy. I think I may enjoy being trapped in a fanfic." Abed didn't seem too alarmed by these revelations.

"You won't enjoy it for too long when the retcons happen to you, son." Elroy shook his head. "It may be too late to restore the timeline to what it once was, but we can perhaps smooth over the cracks to prevent any more changes. Greendale Study Group, I enlist you in my mission to SAVE THE TIMELINE! And aiding us on this mission, from the future that once was…"

Elroy snapped his finger. With thunder and lighting, a DeLorean burst through the wall of the study group. The driver's door opened up, and out stepped a brunette woman dressed like a post-apocalyptic time traveler. For some reason, everyone but Troy got chills when they saw her.

"My name is Frankie Dart." The woman told them as she cocked a shotgun to look cool. "In the timeline that was, I was hired to bring order to your community. I guess I shoulda known that would end with me hired to bring order to the whole fucking timeline."

"Hey!" Elroy looked at the DeLorean in shock. "Why do you have a time-traveling car and I had to travel back through a time portal naked?"

"I told Abed I was gonna break his soul if he made me go back Terminator-style." Frankie shrugged.

"Fuck! Why didn't I think of that! Still... why the hell is it a DeLorean? And who built a time-traveling car?" Elroy sighed.

"Abed didn't think a time-traveling Prius was very aesthetic. And as for the car, don't worry too much. You built it... in the future of the future!"

"Huh. Well, whatever. Greendale Study Group! Shall you join Frankie and I to save the timeline?"

"Nah." Jeff got back on his phone.

"I don't like you, Brunette." Britta glared at Frankie. "I don't know you, but you make me feel very threatened. You have very bad vibrations, lady!"

"Right. I got the bad vibes. Coming from the lady who texts feet pics to her own nephew." Frankie rolled her eyes.

"That was an honest mistake, goddamn it!" Britta yelled.

"How do you explain the nudes then, blondie?" Leonard asked as he walked by. He laid his eyes on the DeLorean. "Hey… nice."

"FUCK YOU, HE SAID HE NEEDED THOSE FOR ART CLASS!" Britta cried before she broke down sobbing. "How was I supposed to know he wasn't even enrolled in art class? It wasn't my fault but now I get arrested if I even look at a school!"

"Oh well, sucks to be you." Leonard said. "And don't forget to go to my Youtube Channel today to watch the live premiere of my latest video. I'll be reviewing apples with my guest star, Kramer."

"Shut up, Leonard!" Everyone said. Leonard scoffed and walked away.

"I'll go." Chang raised his hand. "Because I totally have the timeline's wellbeing at heart. I totes do not have a plan to screw all you guys over and rewrite the timeline for my benefit."

"Yeah. You're not coming." Elroy steadfastly said. Frankie pointed her shotgun at Chang. "Put your hand down."

"I guess that just leaves you, Abed." Frankie stared at him. "And you too, guy I don't know. Are you the Troy our Abed sometimes talks about?"

"Yeah, that's me. And… it's okay, I don't know who you are either." Troy replied.

Abed thought it over. "I'm afraid a crisis as titanic as saving the timeline… nay, saving the whole multiverse, is a task too great for two mere community college students."

A gleam then came into Abed's eyes. He reached into his backpack, and motioned for Troy to do the same. Abed pulled out a smoke-bomb and threw it down, then really raised his voice as smoke filled the room. "BUT IT IS NO PROBLEM FOR…"

"BATMAN!" Abed proudly posed in his Halloween Batman costume as the smoke dissipated. Everyone else coughed and rubbed their eyes. When their vision cleared, they saw standing next to him

"And Batman's best friend, Spider-Man!" Troy was wearing his Spidey PJs and he struck a webshooting pose with his hands.

"Batman and Spider-Man aren't even from the same universe, you dumbasses!" An annoyed Jeff said without looking up from his phone.

"They are now! 'Cause I'm Batman and I say so!" Abed said. "Now, let's save the timeline and with it THE WHOLE DAMN MULTIVERSE!"

"Troy and Abed off to do superhero stuff and save the timeline!" Abed, Troy, Elroy, and Frankie got into the DeLorean. And they traveled off into some unknown time, leaving behind the rest of the study group.

This left just Britta, Jeff, and Chang in the room. Britta and Jeff just awkwardly stared at each other.

"Soooo… never took you for a Christian Slater mega-fan. Thought you'd be too cool to gleam the cube."

"This did not happen to me by choice. I don't even know what gleaming the cube means."

"No one does. There's no need to be ashamed. You know what you should be ashamed of? A nephew who won't stop texting you eggplant + sweat emojis. Oh wait! That's not you! It's me!" Britta crazily leered at Jeff who was glad there weren't any sharp objects in Britta's immediate vicinity. He noticed a pen and slowly rolled it away from Britta towards him. "WHAT DO THESE EMOJIS EVEN MEAN? IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT! God! I'm a straight attractive white woman and I'm even blonde to boot! Why is my life so difficult?!"

"I bet those children starving in Africa-land or wherever wish that was all they had to worry about." Jeff rolled his eyes as he turned his phone on again.

"SHUT UP JEFF! YOU DON'T GET TO USE SOCIAL CAUSES TO SHAME FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS! THAT'S MY JOB!" Britta shrieked and tugged at her hair.

"Buuuuu-luuuuuuuuh!" Jeff stuck his tongue at Britta and made a juvenile face.

"I'll… uh… leave you two to this…" Chang inched towards the door, only for it to be kicked down. Standing in the doorway was Shirley Bennett, looking extremely disheveled and out to kick some ass as she held a 2x4 in her hands.

"There you are, BENJUHMIN!" Shirley raised her 2x4 and stomped towards Chang, banging it along the wall as she advanced on him, backing him into a corner.

"C'mon, Shirley, I'm not responsible for whatever happened to you! I got Changnesia, I don't remember any of it! Uh... who's Ben? I'm Kevin!"

"Changnesia huh? Well you gone have a CHANGCUSSION when I'm done with you! Heeeeeee-yaaaaah!" Shirley and Chang both screamed but only one was in fear.

---

Epilogue 2 - Joker Gang

"What happened to the car?" Phoenix Joker asked. Joker Gang was standing in the middle of the Greendale Community College Parking Lot where they had left the Tumbler they stole from Christian Bale's Batman chapters ago when they had arrived at this community for the crossover.

The entire Batmobile had since been trashed, tagged, and stripped for parts.

"I thought this sort of thing only happened in 'those' places. Where all of 'those' people live." Elaine disdainfully commented. "This Gotham City you guys hang out in… it isn't too 'urban' now is it?"

"Uh, depends on the director." Phoenix Joker ambiguously answered.

"Oh-kay, whatever that means." Elaine reached into her bag and started doing her make-up.

"Uh, you're doing it wrong." Ledger Joker tsk'ed her. "Hell is that skin tone? You should be like her."

Ledger Joker motioned at Annie, who'd already gone full Joker with her outfit. She was maybe a little too into the role of a clown princess of crime now. She was standing on grass that explicitly had a "Do not stand" sign on it and bending over to pick the grass out, laughing evilly as she did.

Elaine retched. "C'mon! White face, red lips, green hair… and a nearly all-purple outfit? Talk about a fashion disaster! I think I'll be a very special Joker, like I'm a very special woman."

"Forget looks, how the hell are we supposed to get back to Gotham now?" Phoenix Joker yelled and kicked the wreckage of the Tumbler.

"We can always like hitch there on that Stair Car I got here. I'm sure if we take turns doing sucki-sucki, Mr. Bluth will take us all the way." Elaine suggested.

"NO!" Everyone else shouted.

"What? It was just an idea! Geez, I'm just trying to help!" Elaine defensively glared. "Y'know, he offered me a decent soundin' job. I'm taking a big leap of faith here working for you guys instead. You could show some freaking gratitude, am I right?"

"Something I can help you people with?" A familiar voice came from above. The Jokers looked up and saw none other than Superman floating above them.

"Uh, Superman! We are uh totally up to nothing!" Phoenix Joker stammered.

"You don't need to lie, Joker. I know what you're up to." Superman crossed his arms.

"Fuck! We're fucked!" Ledger Joker looked the rest of Joker Gang over, trying to calculate who would be the most effective human shield against heat vision. None of them seemed like promising candidates, but then again, few things shield well against heat vision.

"Relax, boys. If I wanted to stop your plan, I'd have stopped it chapters ago. I knew from the very start what you were up to." Superman laughed.

"What? But how?" Phoenix Joker asked.

"Dude, I'm fucking Superman. I like hear everything." Superman pointed at his ears and made a Duh face. He then looked at Ledger Joker. "And bro, you need better taste in porn."

"...great, bring that up now." Ledger Joker flushed beet red.

"So what now?" Phoenix Joker nervously looked at the Man of Steel. Superman flew off, and then flew back with a large cargo container.

"C'mon, step inside. I'll fly y'all back to Gotham. Faster than any blowjobs will get you." Superman offered.

"Uh, why are you doing this for us, Mr. Superman? Not that it's nice and all, but I think we will be doing very bad things and you're a very nice good guy who stops bad things." Annie raised her hand.

"Eh, you're The Jokers. You're Batman's problem, not mine. Batman is my bro and all, but it'd be a totes epic prank if I had the chance to stop one of your nefarious schemes against him but just didn't. I mean, it's no guarantee you'll succeed. You know what they say - won't kill ya'll, but I don't have to save ya'll either." Superman shrugged.

"You… you ain't gonna go telling on us at one of your Justice League meetings are you?" Ledger Joker demanded.

"Tell on you? No way! On the grave of my ma, I swear, sir!" Superman looked up and winked at a Wayne Enterprises Satellite way up in space. Little did they know only one of Superman's mom's was dead!

"Well, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth." Elaine said as Joker Gang went into the cargo container. She looked up at Supes and whispered. "Hey, Supes, can I ride in your arms? It's always been Seinfeld's dream and won't he be so jealous when he finds out I did it before him? I'll really make it worth your while... Man of Steel."

"Great Rao, no." Superman was disgusted.

---

Epilogue 3 - Seinfeld

"Hello, Jerry." Newman flatly said.

"Hello, Newman." Seinfeld flatly replied.

They were both currently stuck in a boiling cauldron as a demon occasionally stirred them around and another demon added salt.

"What did they do to you yesterday?" Newman asked.

"Yknow, I don't think they have time here. Not in the way we know it. It's hell after all." Seinfeld pedantically said.

"I know! But I gotta stay sane somehow!" Desperation briefly clouded Newman's face. "Now speak up, Jerry! Or are you too embarrassed to say?"

"They stuck me in a room with Kenny Bania's Netflix special on a loop." Seinfeld admitted. "Is Netflix scraping the barrel for content or what these days?"

"You won't find any argument from me there." Newman replied.

"What did they do to you, Newman?"

"They made me use Paramount Plus." Newman shuddered.

"This really is hell." Seinfeld cringed. "You know, this gives me an idea for a great bit. You wanna hear it? Would be great to bounce it off you before I bring it to a larger audience."

"No no no no no no!" Newman yelled.

"Yes yes yes yes yes!" Seinfeld replied as his music started playing. "Remember how back in the day everything we wanted to watch on TV that was good ended up split apart in different cable packages and you had to pay outta your nose to get it all? Streaming was supposed to solve all of it! Every movie and show you wanted to watch under one roof for one cheap subscription fee! So what the hell happened? Netflix is like $20 bucks now but boy is the roof full of holes now and acid rain is just pourin' in through those holes and also makin' new holes!"

Newman plugged his ears as Seinfeld rambled on ranting about the Streaming Wars. Newman thought I'm stuck listenin' to Seinfeld's stand-up forever? I really am in hell!

"And why are there ads on all these streaming services now? Even when we're paying for the ad-free plan? Is that extortionate subscription fee not enough to cover their expenses now?" Seinfeld continued on but in his head he was thinking Newman's the only audience I got for my stand-up now? For like eternity? I really am in hell!

On the Next Three Jokers in the Pandemic

Buster moves to the state of Wyoming.

Troy and Abed kill Hitler.

Looking for a last-minute replacement for the Intro to Jokerfication course, Greendale Community College hires a new acting teacher - Barry Berkman!

And Joker Gang is betrayed by someone they thought they could call a friend!

---

Somewhere over Pennsylvania, Superman had overheard a cat stuck in a tree in British Columbia so he'd set down the cargo container containing Joker Gang and flown off to take care of that. It'd been at least an hour since then and Superman hadn't come back.

Elaine and the Two Jokers were getting kind of antsy waiting.

"I'm pretty sure someone's trying to break in. Is that a blowtorch I hear?" Phoenix Joker tried to focus his listening.

"Oh my. Did Superman leave us in more of a... 'street' neighborhood?" Elaine wondered.

"Forget the racial nonsense. We're living in a post-racial society, Obama was president that's proof. What I wanna know is WHY THE FUCK HAVEN'T YOU CHANGED INTO JOKER REGULATION YET?" Ledger Joker screamed at Elaine.

"Well, I think of myself as a very special lady. Would I be a very special Joker if I dressed exactly like the rest of you?" Elaine dismissively brushed the Joker off.

"At least draw a fake Glasgow smile on you with lipstick or something!"

"Uh, that's not what you're supposed to do with lipstick. It goes on the lips, not a sliver of flesh past. IT'S CALLED LIPSTICK, NOT MOUTHSTICK, FOR A REASON MR. SMILEY!" Elaine looked at Ledger Joker like he was crazy.

Annie watched Ledger Joker and Elaine squabbling, while Phoenix Joker paced around nervously muttering to himself about not being a racist, not being a racist. Anne sighed and got out her phone. It still had a fair amount of battery left. Time to pass the time by watching a video. The video she selected was a very familliar fellow Greendale student.

"Hello, this is Leonard. Welcome to another episode of my food reviews and today is a special episode. My doctor says I need to start eating fruits and veggies, and no - french fries and pizza sauce don't count. Wow! Whatdda disappointment, am I right? Sound off in the comments if you agree! So not only is this my inaugural real fruit review but I'm being joined by a guest star - Kramer. He's an expert in the field of fresh fruit, I hear."

"...Kramer?" Elaine asked and walked over to Annie. On-screen, Leonard was joined by Kramer who looked a little worse for the wear - like a dozen cops had worked him over but otherwise he seemed as Kramer-y as ever.

"Thanks for having me on the show, Leonard. I wouldn't describe myself as an expert, more like a dedicated enthusiast, but boy do I feel honored." Kramer jovially said as he shook hands with Leonard. "It's always a pleasure to share what I know and love about fruit. Especially the apple! What a versatile tree-grown beauty! You can use bake 'em into a pie, dunk 'em into candy, mash 'em into sauce, drink 'em as juice, toss 'em with salad, or even top a pizza with 'em!"

Leonard seemed to recoil at the thought.

"But more simply, you can eat 'em straight from the tree!" Kramer said. "But not all apples are cultivated equally and I'm hopin' that our show today will serve as a great primer into the wide world of apples. It's important people who wanna get into apples start with the right kind."

Kramer plopped out a grocery bag and first produced a familiar deep red apple and handed it to Leonard. "Seems delicious, huh? I mean, it's even called Red Delicious."

Leonard took a bite and almost spit it out. He dramatically flung the Red Delicious into a bin. "Augh! What is wrong with this apple? It's a pain to bite into and it tastes and feels like I'm chewin' on cardboard!"

"Exactamundo! Red Delicious, biggest lie since Nixon said he wasn't a crook!" Kramer nodded in agreement. "At least Granny Smith don't lie that it's a sour old lady of an apple and tastes like one too! But Red Delicious, well we can only say at least it's actually red. I tell ya, Leonard, if Red Delicious had been the first apple I ever had it mighta been my last! I probably woulda ended up a freaking pear guy - pears, no offense to 'em they're tasty when ya want a pear - but pears're kinda like apples who couldn't cut the mustard and get accepted into apple school."

"Well, I gotta say this apple adventure ain't off to the best start." Leonard wheezed.

"Don't worry. Like my cable guy used to say, get the worst of it over with first so it just gets better from there!" Kramer reassured Leonard as he produced another apple. "Here, try a Fuji."

"Fuji? This ain't gonna taste like one of them freaky Japanese foods like sushi is it?" Leonard suspiciously eyed the apple.

"Not at all! The name may be Japanese but this fine specimen is as American as they come - grown with real American spirit straight from the hardworking farms of Washington State! C'mon, take a bite!" Kramer gave Leonard the apple. Reluctantly, Leonard bite into the apple and his demeanor changed almost instantly.

"Mmmmm! The texture on this apple when you bite into it is amazing! And it's just the right amount of sweet! Like biting into candy, except it's not candy, it's a fruit! Why the fuck isn't this the one named Red Delicious? I gotta get me some of these the next time I'm at the store!"

"Leonard, friend, this is just the tip of the apple iceberg. And we got a lotta descendin' to do!"

"People actually watch this stuff?" Elaine confusedly asked as Kramer and Leonard spent about 30 minutes eating and reviewing a myriad of apple cultivars.

"Uh... duh, it's like the Internet." Annie answered as she watched the video.

"Don't act like I don't know nothing about the Computer Internet, little lady." Elaine glared. "I'll have you know that I was hired fresh out of prison by Mark Zuckerberg for his The Facebook!"

"Right..." Annie looked up at Elaine. "...what did you do at Facebook?"

"They had me in charge of these thingies called 'video metrics.' I figured the bigger the numbers were, the better I'd be paid, so with every report I made I just started fudging the numbers a 'lil' bit better than they actually were..." Elaine admitted, without much concern in her voice. "I made it seem like so many people were watching videos on The Facebook that the whole Computer Internet started... what did they call it... oh, that's right! Pivoting to video! Am I good or what?"

"Wait... YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAUSED ALL THE WEBSITES TO PIVOT TO VIDEO?!" Ledger Joker suddenly turned around. He looked like he was about to have a coronary as he advanced on Elaine.

"What me do wrong?" Elaine asked.

At that moment, the cargo container was picked back up and started to move again. Ledger Joker fell into tumble and hit his head and was out cold before he could do what he wanted to Elaine, to pay her back for being part of the problem that had caused his favorite websites to turn into clickbait hellholes because Facebook and Google had unleashed the algorithm on the world. h

"Sorry about the delay, folks." Superman's calming voice rang out. "After I saved that cat, shit just kept happening that needed my attention all over the world. And I also stopped for a pizza cheesesteak. With curly fries and a large Mountain Dew to drink. What? You can't save the world on an empty stomach. Yeah, I know it sounds like a douchey meal. But not when I eat it. Cause I'm Superman. And no, before you ask, I didn't save any for you. Well anyways, Air Superman is back in flight. Take a nap or somethin', we'll be in Gotham soon. Don't you think this chapter has gone on long enough?"