Chapter 41

Jessie was surprised when she walked into the kitchen to find a whole meal waiting on the table. She smiled in surprise at Bobby, who seemed incredibly happy to see her, which only increased her guilt about her meeting with Crowley.

"You look surprised," Bobby said as he placed a bowl of vegetables on the table.

"No. Not at all," she replied with a smile.

"You can't fool me," he replied with a teasing grin. "Sit. Eat."

She glanced around the kitchen once. "Shouldn't we wait for Dean?"

"What? So he can eat everything before we get a chance?" Sam joked.

She smiled and sat down at the table and began helping herself. She was starving after all.

It wasn't long before Dean returned to the house with two cases of beer and a bottle of whiskey for Bobby. After setting them down, he practically ran to the table and began scarfing down everything he could get his hands on, except for the vegetables.

After they were finished eating, Jessie kicked the men out of the kitchen so she could clean up and do the dishes. The less time she spent with them, the less guilty she felt. But, the more time she also had to dwell on everything. It wasn't exactly ideal, but she felt it was better than constantly being with them knowing she was keeping a secret.

When she ran out of things to occupy her time, she decided to head into the livingroom where the three men had congregated. Bobby was at his makeshift desk pouring over some papers while enjoying a glass of whiskey, and Sam and Dean were sitting on the couch watching TV. She returned Sam's smile as her eyes locked onto his, then swept over to the couch and snuggled her way between the brothers.

"So...what're we watching?" she asked, since a commercial was on.

"Three men and a baby," Dean replied with a smile.

She groaned inwardly thinking of the complete irony.

"Oh," she replied.

"What? You don't like it?" he replied in surprise.

"I was just hoping you were watching something I haven't seen before," she answered, only partly truthful.

"I guess you should've got here sooner."

Sam shot his brother an irritated look.

"Dean!" Bobby chastised. "Behave."

He shot Jessie an irritated look before turning back to the TV, which had just come back from commercials.

Sam picked up his beer from the table and was about to take a drink, when he realized how rude he was being.

"Would you like my beer, Jessie?" he asked, holding it out towards her. "I can get myself another."

She wanted a drink, but she knew she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she drank while she was pregnant.

"No. It's fine, Sam. I'm not in the mood for a beer."

He gazed at her with surprise, although, her guilt made her think it was suspicion.

"Would you like something else?"

"No. I'm okay, Sam," she replied as cheerily as possible.

He smiled, wrapping his arm around her and pulled her close.

She snuggled into him, sighing slightly as she relaxed and got comfortable. She found it difficult to find the movie funny whatsoever, as she thought about the parallels between it and her own life. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry when she imagined the thought of Sam, Dean and Bobby with a baby. She didn't know whether it would turn out to be a comedy or a tragedy. Although she had some idea.

She had begun to doze off while laying against Sam's chest, more from boredom than actual exhaustion, when something startled her awake. She nearly jumped up from the couch, but Sam's strong arm held her safely and firmly seated.

"Cas?" Dean said with surprise.

Jessie swallowed hard, glaring in his direction.

"Hello, Dean. Sam. Jessie. Bobby," he greeted, glancing at each of them in turn.

Dean and Bobby stood up, but Jessie refused to, so Sam continued to sit with her on the couch as well.

"I'm sorry to disturb you," he said, looking apologetic. "I just came to warn you."

"Warn us about what?" Bobby asked.

"I was following Crowley in to town when I lost him," he replied.

"What do you mean by, lost him?"

"He was there and then he wasn't."

"Well that's helpful," Dean said.

He glanced at Dean in confusion. "I don't think you understand."

"You're right, I don't. So explain it. While we're still young."

He glanced over in Jessie's direction, making her suddenly uncomfortable. She wasn't sure what he was going to say, but she hoped he didn't know about her meeting with Crowley.

"I was following him and he disappeared suddenly. I looked everywhere but there was no trace of him," he replied, gazing straight at Jessie before he turned to Sam. "Since I couldn't find him. I decided to make sure all of you were safe."

"Well now you can see that we are."

He glanced at Dean for a moment and shook his head. "Now you are," he replied, glancing once again in Jessie and Sam's direction. "But I was unable to find Jessie earlier."

All of the men simultaneously glanced in her direction.

"Were you speaking with Crowley again, young lady?" Bobby asked in a scolding tone.

"No!" she protested, perhaps a little too much. "Don't you think I would've told you?"

"I don't know with you sometimes," he replied, sounding disappointed.

"It's nice that you immediately jump to conclusions based on whatever the angel has to say. And without any actual proof I might add. Other than he's incompetent," she snapped. "It wasn't long ago you couldn't trust him, but somehow he's more trustworthy than I am."

"I never said anything like that, Jess and you know it."

She was about to say something when Sam leaned close whispering in her ear. "Let's just listen to what he has to say so he can leave."

She smiled at him gratefully, shaking her head lightly in agreement.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Jessie," Cas said apologetically. "I was only concerned about you."

She snorted in disbelief before she could stop herself.

He gazed at her with confusion. "Is it really that hard to believe?"

"Actually it is," she replied.

"But you're a Winchester now. Of course I would be concerned about you," he replied matter-of-factly, as if that completely explained it.

She rolled her eyes heavily. "Well, thanks. But I'm fine."

He smiled at her slightly, mistaking her sarcasm for sincerity.

"Is there anything else, Cas?" Sam asked, hoping to end the awkwardness.

"Nothing substantial," he replied. "I just came to warn you that Crowley was in the area."

"Oooh, I feel safer now that the angel is on his trail," she said with heavy sarcasm.

He glanced at her in confusion, clearly not understanding why she seemed to be so ungrateful.

"It's fine, Cas," Bobby said. "Thanks for letting us know."

He nodded his head in acknowledgement before disappearing in an instant, only the sound of flapping wings announcing his departure.

The moment he disappeared, Jessie stood up from the couch, wrenching herself free of Sam's grip. She began stomping out of the livingroom, when Bobby called her name, stopping her in her tracks. She turned around glaring at him furiously. But her hardened look softened when she noticed the apologetic look on his face.

"I'm sorry, Jess," he said tacitly. "What I said was much harsher than I actually meant it to be."

It was difficult for her to stand there and listen to him apologize when he was actually the one in the right. She felt incredibly guilty for having to lie to him, but she knew it was necessary for the moment.

"It's fine, Bobby. I'm a big girl."

He looked as if he was exasperated, but he didn't say anything more, even after she waited, awkwardly, for him to speak again. But after a few more moments, she left the room and headed up to her bedroom.

In her bedroom, she changed into some comfortable pajamas and laid down in bed with a book. She hadn't read for pleasure in a long time and it seemed like the right thing to do at the moment. She needed something to keep her from thinking too much about everything, especially her own guilt.

She wasn't sure how much later it was when Sam woke her up, book still in hand. He had climbed into the bed with her, brushing hair from her face. She returned his bright smile, genuinely happy to see him.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," he said with a smile. "You just looked so beautiful I couldn't help myself."

She smiled brightly. "It's okay. I was only resting my eyes."

"Right," he said with a chuckle.

She set the book on the nightstand before cuddling up with Sam. He tried coaxing her into more than cuddling, but she wasn't in the mood. After everything that had happened, the last thing on her mind was sex. All she wanted to do was lie in his arms and feel safe, wishing that she would wake up and everything that had happened had been nothing but a bad dream.

Jessie woke up early the next morning, the sun only beginning to rise above the horizon. She had to pee so badly, there was no way she could sleep any longer, no matter how tired she was. She wondered why she had to pee so badly, since most of what she'd read said that you didn't normally have to so badly in the second trimester. But she had to pee moreso than even the first three months. She didn't think she was going to like this whatsoever. She wanted it over. Now.

After using the bathroom, she went downstairs and made coffee, then decided to make breakfast as well. She knew the moment the boys smelled the food they would awaken, and as badly as she felt for lying to them, she needed their company.

As she'd expected, all three of the men came to join her in the kitchen shortly after she'd begun to cook. She hoped it didn't seem suspicious, but she went all out making a huge breakfast. She did it often enough she didn't think they would notice any alterior motives behind it. And since it had been awhile since she was able to cook for them, she figured they would only be grateful.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. The four of them spent the day researching and looking for cases, except for the moment when Bobby was on the phone for hours, attempting to bail a hunter out of a jam.

The next few days were very similar. The four of them researched cases, while Jessie did the majority of the cooking and cleaning. She also stayed in the house almost the entire time, except when she went out to go jogging with Sam. Normally she let him go alone, but she needed to keep her weight from increasing too dramatically. And, the exercise was good for her. He seemed to be curious as to why she suddenly wanted to jog with him, but he never asked her outright, and she hoped he wouldn't. She wasn't sure what she would say if he did.

They were at Bobby's for a week when they finally caught wind of a case. In fact, it was two cases a state apart. One was what seemed like a werewolf attack, while the other seemed to be a nest of vampires. Bobby had spent the morning trying to find a hunter to take the case of the werewolf, since it was farther away. But he had no luck finding anyone that was close enough and wasn't already involved in a case of their own.

"I can take care of the werewolf," Jessie said to the men with irritation. "There's only four days left before he disappears for another month. We can't let him get away."

"I don't think you should take on a werewolf alone," Sam said with concern.

She glared at him furiously. "I've been hunting werewolves alone since you were in college attending classes and doing homework. I think I can handle it."

He shrugged his shoulders in defeat. He knew she was right, although he didn't like the idea of her heading off alone. Not while Crowley and Meg are after her.

"Fine. That's settled then," she said with a note of finality.

The three men passed anxious glances at each other, but none of them voiced their disagreement aloud.

"Well, I better go pack. I have a long drive ahead of me," she said, sweeping from the kitchen quickly.

She headed into her room and began packing. She began wondering how long it would take Sam to follow her, when he walked into the room quietly. She resisted the urge to turn around and snap, instead, waiting to see what he was going to say.

He walked up behind her slowly, grabbed her hands—setting down what she'd had in them—and pulled her close, pressing his warmth against her.

"I know you can handle yourself," he said as he brushed stray hairs from her face. "But I can't help worrying about you."

She sighed. "I know, Sam. That's why I'm not mad at you, or Dean and Bobby. But you have to remember that I've been taking care of myself for a long time."

"Just promise me you won't do anything crazy," he said hopefully.

"You mean, crazier than going after a werewolf alone?" she teased.

"Yeah," he replied with a smile, although the smile didn't touch his eyes.

She began running her fingers through his hair with a smile. "I already miss you, too, Sam."

He pulled her body against him tight and began to kiss her passionately.

As much as she wanted him at that moment, she knew she had to leave right away. There was only a limited time to find and kill the werewolf. Pulling away from his embrace slightly, she frowned in disappointment.

"I don't want to go right now, but I have to, Sam."

He tugged her close again, kissing her once gently on the lips.

"I love you, Mrs. Winchester," he said with a loving smile.

"That's Mrs. Drake–Winchester to you," she teased with a smile.

"It's always a joke with you until the end, isn't it?" he asked.

"Absolutely," she teased, then leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. "I love you, too, Mr. Winchester."

He smiled, doing his best not to show how upset he was that she was leaving. He knew she could handle herself, but somehow he felt it was wrong to let her go this time. He didn't know why he felt that way, so he kept his concerns to himself. He knew she would just get upset, and it was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. He didn't want to part with her on angry terms—just in case.

She grabbed her dufflebag and was about to leave the room with it, when Sam took it from her hands and offered to carry it downstairs for her. She was going to protest, but he told her it was something that husbands should do for their wives, so she let him have his way—this time.

They were walking through the kitchen heading outside, when Bobby stopped her. It seemed like he wanted to say something important to her, but he only wanted to wish her well and say goodbye, which he ended with a firm hug. She didn't understand why everyone seemed to be acting like she was heading to her death, but for once it didn't make her upset. She now had the family she'd wanted—and needed— for so long. Too bad she was feeling guilty for keeping things from them.

After another long goodbye with Sam, she finally got into her car and began the long drive towards her case. She had made sure she'd grabbed a few snacks for the long drive, preferring not not to stop too many times on the way there. Too bad she hadn't counted on having to stop so many times to use the bathroom. So when she finally arrived, it was already getting dark. She was going to have to get ready pretty quickly if she wanted to even attempt to track it tonight.

She grabbed a newspaper, before stopping at the nearest motel to check in for the night. It wasn't the greatest motel she'd been in, but it wasn't the worst either. She only hoped she didn't have to spend more than one night there.

She hastily read through the article about the recent death, then quickly added a spot on the map where she'd already marked the others from her earlier research. She hoped that the attacks would be centralized around one area, which was usually the case. However, it didn't appear that way this time. It was only going to make searching for the werewolf that much more difficult.

Without having a clue where to begin looking, she thought she'd start by driving past the area where the last death took place and work backwards from there. But after she visited the last three deaths which had occured this month, she was still at a lost of where to begin looking for it. All of them were different areas of the city. One was downtown, one in a suburban area and two in the industrial area. But since two had taken place in the industrial area, it was where she was going to look first.

She parked her car close to where the first death had taken place and began to walk around looking for clues. She knew it was a long shot, but she didn't have time to look around and ask questions, the moon had already risen.

Armed with a flashlight in one hand, her gun loaded with silver bullets in another, she began looking around the parking lot, coming across a blood stain left on the cement. She figured this was where the first victim had been, so it was as good a place as any to look for clues. Strangely, there seemed to be a lot of garbage and debris lying around the ground. She thought the police would have removed much of it, just in case there were clues. But they didn't, so she hope she lucked out as she began searching through it.

Not far from the blood stain, she noticed a ripped piece of clothing from a shirt. There was no blood on it, which was probably why the police didn't think it was important enough to take with them. But for her, anything could have significance to a case. She picked it up and was about to pocket it, when she noticed the rips were jagged exactly like claws would leave as they raked through it. She examined it closer, finding it slightly peculiar.

She stopped suddenly to listen, glancing around quickly when she thought she heard something, but found nothing. So she went back to the ripped shirt. It seemed to be from a dress shirt, and if she wasn't mistaken, it was from an expensive designer label. Something that you wouldn't normally find in the parking lot of a factory. She figured it must have come from the werewolf, since there was no blood on it, and the men who had died in the industrial area were all workers who wore uniforms, not designer labels.

She looked around the area a little longer before she finally decided to go back and check the area the last body was found. It seemed more likely she'd find the werewolf in that area, since that was the financial district and it was more likely to find someone wearing expensive designer labels there.

It took her a few minutes to find a parking spot once she got there. It was the weekend and there were quite a few bars in the area. She always found it kind of amusing that there were so many of them around the financial areas of a town. Not that she could blame them. She would want to drink too if she worked at such a boring and stressful job.

She began wandering around the streets, which for the most part were quiet. She felt naked and unsafe not being able to keep her gun in her hand. But she couldn't risk being seen. Instead, she kept it in the front of her pants and moved her silver knife into the sleeve of her jacket.

Against her better judgement, she decided to head down a narrow alleyway that was close to where the last victim had died. She had to stop after she took a few steps in to allow her eyes time to adjust to the darkness. She would wait until she got farther in before taking out her flashlight.

She kept her back as close to one of the walls as she could while her eyes searched the darkness for clues. She recoiled for a moment when she saw a giant rat scurrying past her. She stopped to listen to see if she was the one who had startled it, or something else had. However, there seemed to be nothing, and the deeper she went into the alley, the quieter it became.

She was close to the middle of the alley when she heard a strange grumbling sound coming from somewhere nearby, however, it sounded muffled. She thought she noticed a dumpster in the distance, so she began to head towards it, reaching for her flashlight as she did. But suddenly there was a loud growl, which still sounded muffled but much louder this time. She changed her mind about the flashlight, instead retrieving her gun from her pants—and just in time. Suddenly, a door swung open on the opposite side of the alley and out flew the werewolf, dragging the body of a woman with him.

Jessie raised her gun, curling her finger around the trigger lightly, but as she was about to squeeze a shot off, the werewolf did something unexpected, he yanked the woman in front of him like a shield.

"Let go of her, mongrel!" she yelled.

The werewolf sneered at Jessie before he bit the woman in the shoulder and dropped her to the ground. The moment she had fallen, Jessie squeezed a shot off, but he dodged it. She followed up with two more shots as he began to run down the alley in the direction she'd entered from. The first only glanced off of his leg, but the second hit him in the head, making him howl in pain. He turned around quickly, but that was the moment she'd been waiting for. She pulled off two shots in quick succession, both hitting him square in the chest. He was dead before he hit the ground.

She ran to where the werewolf had dropped, double checking to make sure it was dead before she found her way to the wounded woman. She was still lying on the ground where she'd fallen, breathing, but unconscious. 'I guess this will make things a little easier for me,' she thought to herself, as she pointed her gun at the woman's chest, shooting her once through the heart. She checked quickly to make sure she was dead before she ran out of the alley from the opposite direction.

While she was in survival mode, Jessie had no problem blocking out everything that had just happened. She left the alley, choosing a very long way to get back to her car, going through several streets and alleys, trying her best not to look suspicious. And once she was in her car, she kept an eye on the rear view mirror, just in case. But once she made it safely back to her motel room, it was a different story.

She was exhausted after driving all day and being up most of the night, all she wanted to do was sleep. But the guilt she had about not being able to save the woman—and having to kill her—wouldn't let her rest. She tried every position she could think of to sleep, managing to lay down for almost an hour, but she still couldn't sleep. It wasn't until she climbed out of bed and headed for her dufflebag that she realized what she needed—a drink.

She never realized until this moment that she had relied so heavily on alcohol to ease her guilt. She wanted a drink. She needed it. But she knew she couldn't drink while she was pregnant. She knew she already had in the beginning of the pregnancy, and there was no way she was going to take a chance she could hurt the child, regardless of her indecision about its fate.

She paced around the room unsure what to do with herself. She thought about calling Sam, but she knew it was late and he was on a case as well. She also knew TV would be no help. And every time she closed her eyes she could see the face of the werewolf's victim, lying helpless on the ground. But eventually her exhaustion won over the guilt, and she fell asleep on the bed while surfing the web on her laptop.

She awoke early in the afternoon feeling rested. However, her state of mind wasn't any better than it had been before she'd slept. She knew much of it had to do with the fact she was pregnant and her hormones were playing a huge part in her mood. But she also knew it was because she normally drank to keep the guilt at bay. She realized now she was going to have to find another strategy to deal with these feelings, or she was gonna have to quit hunting for awhile. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she knew she couldn't go on like this.

She attempted to call Sam shortly after waking, but he didn't answer his phone, so she called Bobby to find out what was going on. All he could tell her was the last time he'd talked to either of the boys was in the middle of the night. They'd found the nest, but they were waiting until the sun came up before they would make a move on it. She had to assume that they were busy and that was why he hadn't answered his phone. At least she had to keep telling herself that. The alternative was to worry, and she didn't think she could do that without a drink either.

Eventually, she decided to take a walk to have breakfast at the diner down the block, grabbing a newspaper to read while she was eating. She was curious to see if there was a mention of the two deaths, which there was. But what surprised her was a story about some murders that had happened in the next town, which sounded eerily similar to the murders in this town. She imagined there was another werewolf on the loose nearby and she only had three more nights to find it. She headed straight back to her motel room after her breakfast and began to do some research.

It seemed there had only been two murders in that town, one last night and one the night previous. Both victims' hearts were missing. She hoped it meant the werewolf she killed last night had only turned one person, other than the woman she'd already killed the night before. She couldn't imagine having to continuously hunt down one werewolf after another. Especially since there was very little time left this month.

After checking out a map of the area, Jessie packed up and headed into the next town, stopping at the first motel she came across. She didn't plan on staying long, but it was always better to have somewhere to head to, just in case.

After settling in the motel, she decided to drive around and check out the place where the two murders had happened. She knew they were close to each other, but she wanted to check it out in person before nightfall.

She pulled her car down a quiet street lined with houses, parking close to the park where the murders had taken place. Dragging her laptop with her, she walked around the park, eventually sitting down on a bench, opening her computer up and began to do some research on the man she'd killed the night before. She was surprised to learn he lived in the neighbourhood of the park she was visiting, although she really shouldn't have been so surprised. Werewolves often turned people they knew in their human lives. So she hoped that looking into the man's past might give her some insight into who he might have turned, before it could have a chance to kill again.

It was difficult for Jessie to keep her mind on the research whenever someone pushing a baby stroller would pass by her. Each time she found her mind pondering what it would be like to be a mother, a normal mother. However, she knew she could never be a normal mother. She didn't even think she could be a mother at all.

It was even more difficult when a weary-eyed mother sat next to her on the bench, lifting her wailing child out of the stroller and into her arms. She desperately tried to ignore her. However, the baby's crying was too loud to ignore.

"I'm so sorry," the woman said with an apologetic smile. "He must be hungry."

She smiled sympathetically. "It's okay."

"Would you mind holding him for a minute while I grab his bottle out of my diaper bag?" she asked with a smile.

"Why don't you let me find it for you?" she suggested hastily.

The woman smiled. "You've never held a baby, have you?"

She shook her head in response, afraid her voice might crack if she tried to answer her. All she wanted to do was bolt. But she thought it might seem a little too rude.

"Oh," she replied with a friendly smile. "That's okay. I just assumed you'd be like everyone else. Most people want to pick him up."

She didn't know what possessed her to say what she did next, but she instantly regretted it the moment it came out of her mouth.

"I'd love to hold him for a minute."

The woman smiled proudly, holding her son out to Jessie, gently placing him into her arms, then began rooting through her diaper bag.

The child quieted the instant he was placed into Jessie's arms, making her smile involuntarily. She didn't want to feel anything, but she couldn't help it. The child was practically beaming at her and it warmed her heart. She knew she wasn't as cold and heartless as she acted. However, she never realized the feelings an innocent child could elicit from her. It was only going to make a decision about her own child a lot more difficult for her.

When the mother was ready, Jessie handed the baby back to her and returned to her research. She tried unsuccessfully to keep her mind on it, but she was unable to. So after the mother had left, she folded up her laptop and took a walk through the park, before returning to her car to wait for the sun to go down.

A/N: I am SO sorry it's taken so long to update. After finishing a chapter in one of my other fics, I began writing more and then got stuck and finally returned to this story, but then RL took over and I've had very little free time. I hope this chapter is okay, it almost seems rushed to me, but maybe that's because I feel that way, I don't know. Normally I make a comment about the chapter and ask you a question, but I can't think of anything in particular at the moment lol.

Thanks for reading!