Chapter 43

"Where are you?" Sam asked with frustration as he paced back and forth with his phone.

"I'm on a hunt, I told you," Jessie replied, trying her best to keep her voice from giving her guilt away.

"You promised we'd meet at Bobby's."

She sighed exaggeratedly. "I never promised anything, Sam. I said that I would. I just didn't realize I'd run into a case."

"Let me know where you are so Dean and I can help out."

She swallowed hard, the guilt felt like it was crushing her. She wanted to see Sam so badly, but she couldn't. She needed to protect her child and this was the only way.

"I can take care of it myself, Sam," she replied shortly. "I'll see you soon."

"Jessie—"

"I love you, Sam," she interrupted.

"I love you, too," he barely had a chance to say before she ended the call.

* 2 days later *

"Are you on your way to Bobby's yet?" Sam asked, once again pacing with his phone.

She hesitated. "No. I ran into another case."

"What?! You aren't serious?"

"Completely," she replied with fake irritation. "It shouldn't take me long to wrap up. I'll call you when I'm on my way."

"I miss you, Jessie," he said ruefully.

"I know, Sam. I miss you, too. I'll see you soon, though."

"I love you."

"I love you, too," she replied, ending the call quickly.

She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up the charade, it was already difficult and she had many months to go. She hated lying to him and she wanted to see him so badly. But she had to protect their baby, and this was the only way.

* 1 week later *

"Where the hell are you, Jess?" Sam asked angrily, gripping his phone tightly. "Why haven't you called anyone to let us know you're okay?"

"I've been busy, Sam. One case after another," she replied as evenly as possible.

"Too busy to call and let someone know you're okay?"

"Yes."

She heard him sigh loudly and imagined he was running his hands through his hair in frustration.

"Is something going on?"

"Like what?"

"You tell me, Jess," he snapped. "Is it me? Have you changed your mind about our marriage?"

"No!" she replied quickly. "Definitely not."

She felt the guilt and pain tear through her making it difficult for her to breathe. She wanted nothing more than to be with him, but she couldn't. She desperately wished she could tell him why. It had only been two weeks since she'd seen him and she was already going out of her mind from loneliness.

"Then what is it? What's going on?"

"Just the job, Sam. You know how it is."

"I do, but—some things are more important than the job."

She closed her eyes completely in agreement with him. If only she could tell him about the baby, she wouldn't be hurting so badly.

"I've had to keep a low profile, Sam. The cops have been nosing around a little too closely."

"Can you promise we'll see each other soon?"

She closed her eyes, silent tears rolling down her face.

"I don't make promises I can't keep, Sam."

There was a long moment of silence on the other end before he spoke again.

"At least keep in touch," he said, his voice cracking.

"Sure," she replied, trying to keep her voice from doing the same. "I love you, Sam."

"I love you, too, Jess."

She ended the call quickly before she broke down. She was lonely, sad and felt so guilty. She wanted to be with Sam, she missed him terribly. But she had to continuously remind herself it was for the baby. Its safety had to come before her own feelings, and Sam's, no matter how badly her heart ached.

* 2 months later*

Bobby's home phone was ringing, which he was genuinely surprised about. Every hunter who knew him never called his home phone, so it hardly ever rang. The only calls that usually came through on his home phone were telemarketers or the occasional call from the police. He was going to ignore it, but he thought he should answer it, just in case.

"Hello?"

"Is this Bobby?" the male caller asked.

"Depends who's asking," he replied.

"This is Mike. You know, Jessie's friend."

"Yes, this is Bobby."

"I'm so glad I was able to find your number," he said with agitation. "I wanted to talk to you about her."

"You mean you've heard from her?" he asked with hope.

"What? You mean you haven't?"

"No, I haven't. Not for almost two months."

"Oh," he replied, becoming silent for a few moments. "She's, uh, been at home for awhile now."

"How long?"

"I don't know, but at least a few weeks," he replied, pausing for a few moments. "I would've tried calling sooner if I had known you didn't know."

"Are you sure she's at home?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm calling," he replied with a sigh. "She called me yesterday and asked me to get her some things in town and bring them to her. But when I got there she wouldn't open the door for me. It seemed so strange, but, I've known her a long time, and it wouldn't be the first time she's done something strange." He was silent for a moment. "But this seems different somehow. It bothered me all night, so I thought I should call you. Maybe you could find out what's wrong with her."

He wasn't sure what was going on, but he was definitely going to find out.

"Of course I will, Mike. I appreciate you letting me know."

"Call me when you know something, please?"

"Definitely."

After goodbyes were exchanged, Bobby immediately called the Winchesters, telling them to drop everything and head to Jessie's house. They were going to find out what's been going on with her before the end of the day, come hell or high water. He'd been completely sick with worry over her. It wasn't like she hadn't gone two months without contacting him before, but that was before they'd become much closer, and before she was a married woman. He knew in the deepest recesses of his heart that it could only be something important. It had to be the only reason she'd hidden from all of the people who cared so much about her. He only hoped she was okay. He didn't know what he would do if something happened to her.

He packed a few things before jumping in his old Chevelle and headed towards Jessie's house at a high rate of speed. He'd visited her house in the past two months and so had the Winchesters, but all those times it seemed like no one was there. And with her high tech alarm system, there was no way for him to get inside if she didn't want him to. But he wasn't going to let it stop him this time. He knew she was there and he wasn't going to stop until he laid his eyes upon her. Then he was going to throttle her for making him worry.

It barely took him an hour to get to her house, which normally would take almost two hours. It seemed quiet, even after he climbed out of the car and approached the front door. He knocked loudly several times, stopping to listen if he could hear any sounds that would mean she was home. But even after several knocks and several minutes, he heard nothing. He began to pace around the porch for a few moments, before deciding to walk around the house to look for signs of it being occupied.

It had snowed a few days earlier, which wasn't unsual for mid-December. It wasn't a significant snowfall, but enough to leave a thin blanket on the ground. It had warmed up since then and much of it had melted. But there were still patches where it hadn't melted. Mostly where the sun didn't touch during the day, or near clumps of grass or rocks. He hadn't walked far around the house when he noticed a partial boot mark in a small patch of snow. It looked like it was small enough to be Jessie's print. It was pointing out towards the back of her property, and, it looked fresh, like it had been made today and not the day it had snowed.

The only thing out in the back of her property was an old barn where she often worked on her car. It used to be a horse barn, but her grandfather had sold the horses shortly after Jessie had come to live with him, instead, becoming a place to house and work on their cars. Bobby affectionately remembered helping her grandfather work on his 1969 Impala, before he'd sold it. And also helping her work on the car she now drove, after the years of neglect it had suffered.

He noticed another footprint much closer to the barn, and if he wasn't mistaken, he could swear he noticed light shining out from underneath the door. But with the sun up—even if it was hidden by the clouds—it was still too bright to be sure. He figured if she was home that her car would be there, since he hadn't seen it in the driveway. But it would've been there for some time, since he didn't notice any tire tracks leading to the barn. At least none that seemed recent.

He approached the side door entrance quietly, placing an ear close to the door to listen for movement, but it was unnecessary. He could hear a radio playing quietly in the distance, as well as the sound of metal on metal. If he had thought it could be someone else, that thought left his mind quickly the moment he heard her begin singing along to the song on the radio.

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get a grip on his anger, as well as waiting for an opportunity to walk in the door. He didn't want to take the chance to walk in and startle her while she might be working on the car and hurt herself. He waited until he didn't hear any movement, then grasped the door handle tightly. And in one fluid movement, he turned the knob, opened the door and walked into the barn.

The first thing he noticed was the hood of her car was up, and then he noticed her figure standing on the other side of the hood with her back to him. He could tell she hadn't heard the door open, and he didn't want to startle her, but he was past caring about that at this moment.

"Jessie!" he called loudly, watching as she jumped slightly, but she didn't turn around.

"Turn around right now, young lady," he said as he began approaching the car.

She shook her head in refusal. "You need to leave, Bobby," she said quietly.

"I'm not gonna do that and you know it," he replied, stopping in front of her car, only ten feet away from her.

She sniffled, trying her best to hold back tears that were threatening to fall.

"Jess!" he called impatiently.

She sighed loudly, her shoulders slumping in defeat. She took a deep breath before turning around to face him.

If he hadn't been looking at her face as she turned around, he might have noticed her overly large belly sooner. It took a moment before he noticed, almost jumping back in shock.

"You're pregnant!" he said with surprise. "Is this why you've been hiding?"

She shrugged her shoulders, unwilling to give him any information.

He approached her slowly, stopping in front of her. When she didn't move, he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her awkwardly.

"What's going on, Jess?" he asked pulling back, but squeezing her upper arms gently. "We've all been so worried about you."

She shrugged her shoulders again while looking at him regretfully.

"Dammit, kid," he said with disappointment. "Don't you have an explanation?"

She gazed into his eyes sadly. "I do."

"Well?"

She pursed her lips, averting his gaze. "Not here. Let's go in the house," she replied, leaving out the rest of what she wanted to say, 'where it's safer'.

Initially, Bobby was worried she was going to run off into the house ahead of him and slam the door in his face. But after walking behind her for a short time, he realized she probably couldn't waddle faster than he could run, old man or not. It was strange. Especially since he didn't know whether he should be happy about her pregnancy, or upset. Either way, he was happy she seemed to be strong and healthy.

When they made it into the house, Jessie headed straight for the couch, carefully sitting herself down, putting her legs up on the ottoman that was sitting there. She took a few deep breaths while she waited for Bobby to sit down.

Bobby sat down on the couch beside her. Now that he could see her face in a more natural light, he noticed how pale and tired she seemed to be. He wondered if she'd been taking care of herself and the baby.

"I know you're expecting a long explanation as to why I've been avoiding you and everyone else," she began, as he looked at her expectationally. "But I don't really have one."

He snorted. "Really? So you expect me to believe you got knocked up and decided to go it alone. Do you really take me for a fool, Jess?"

"It's the truth."

"Bullshit! This has something to do with Meg and Crowley, doesn't it?"

"Bobby—"

"Don't you dare tell me another lie, young lady! I've been nothing but good to you. At the very least I deserve the truth."

"I know," she replied sadly. "But if you know, then Sam knows. And I can't risk that."

He shook his head in disappointment. "How could you keep something like this from Sam?"

"Because I have to, Bobby. I wish I could make you understand."

"There's nothing you could say to make me understand why you've lied, kid."

She began absentmindedly rubbing a spot on her belly while gazing at Bobby sadly.

"I've done everything to protect my baby."

He gazed at her pensively for a few moments. "How far along are you?"

She looked at him with surprise. She'd been expecting a completely different question.

"Just over five months."

His eyes widened in surprise. "How long have you known?"

"Bobby—"

"How long have you known, Jess?" he asked again, stopping her before she could finish protesting.

She sighed, knowing he was going to continue asking until she told him. "The night I left Vegas."

"What? So you knew before you went chasing after that werewolf on your own?"

"Yes."

"What the hell is wrong with you, Jess?" he asked with disappointment.

"Look, I'm fine now, Bobby," she replied. "I just need you to trust me."

He shook his head, snorting in disbelief. "We're miles from that, kid. You need to tell me exactly what's going on, and now."

She glanced down at her extended belly for a moment before closing her eyes with a sorrowful look. When she opened them again, there were tears threatening to spill.

"I want to tell you, Bobby. I do. But if I do. I put my baby's life at risk."

"How?"

"I can't tell you."

"Then we'll just wait and you can explain everything to Sam."

"No! I can't explain it to him. Bobby, please!" she said with agitation.

"I'm not leaving until I get an acceptable explanation," he stated adamantly.

She glanced down at her belly again. She wanted to tell him everything, she did. But she knew she'd done all of this to protect her child and she didn't want to throw away the past two months she'd suffered for so easily. She didn't know what to say to get Bobby to leave, but she needed to think of something quickly. If not, she was going to have to tell him the whole truth. Or at the very least, most of it. There was one secret she couldn't tell him about now, or ever.

"I need something to drink first," she said, lifting herself up from the couch gingerly.

"I'll wait here," he replied suspiciously.

It hurt her to hear the suspicion in his voice, not that she could blame him. She had never wanted to lie to him, or keep things from him. If she'd had another choice she gladly would've taken it. Of all the people she knew she was hurting with this secret, Bobby was the one she regretted hurting the most.

She waddled into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of milk, then realized she was also a little hungry, so she grabbed herself a banana as well. She wondered if she should grab something for Bobby as well, but she figured if he had wanted something he would've asked for it.

She quickly peeled and ate the banana, not wanting to have to leave the peel in the livingroom while she spoke with Bobby. She knew it was going to be a long conversation. After throwing the peel in the garbage, she picked up her glass of milk and proceeded to walk back into the livingroom. The moment she pushed open the door to the livingroom, was the same moment her front door flew open. She stood in shock as she gazed back at the equally shocked Winchester brothers.

"What the hell?!" Dean exclaimed, while his brother could only stand still with a dumbfounded look on his face.

She averted her eyes, looking clearly ashamed.

"Sonofabitch!"

Bobby stood up from the couch in an attempt to diffuse the uncomfortable situation.

"Jess, come sit down. Boys, you, too."

Jessie shifted her gaze, unable to look either of the Winchesters in the face. She walked over to the couch, placed her milk on the coffee table before easing herself down onto the couch.

Dean made his way over to one of the chairs, but Sam shook his head, bolting back out the front door.

"Dammit," Bobby sputtered, unsure whether he should chase after Sam or stay with Jessie. He didn't want Dean to upset her while he was gone, in case she changed her mind about telling him what was going on.

She glanced up at him sorrow in his eyes, pleading for him to go after Sam.

"Dean," he said sternly. "I'm going after your brother. I expect you to behave yourself while I'm gone."

"Yeah. Fine. Whatever," he replied.

Bobby glanced at her apprehensively before he chased Sam out the front door.

Jessie sat quietly trying to avoid any eye contact with her brother-in-law. She could tell by his posture and the sound of his breathing that he was angry and upset. She didn't blame him. But she really didn't want to deal with any of this. Bobby she could've handled. But now she wasn't so sure.

"How could you do something like this, Jessie?" he finally asked when his patience had run out.

She gazed up at him sadly. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"You're sorry? That's all you have to say is that you're sorry?" he snapped. "Do you know what Sam's been going through the past two and a half months? What we've all been going through?"

She understood his anger and frustration, and she knew he wouldn't care, but she'd been going through hell too. She wanted to explain, but she wasn't sure how.

"I know sorry isn't enough, but I don't know what else I can say."

He snorted, his hands flying around in frustration. "I don't understand how you could hurt Sam like this. After you promised you never would. What was going through your head? Why couldn't you just tell him what the hell was going on?"

"Enough!" she shrieked, tears falling from her eyes. "You have no idea how much it's been killing me to stay away from Sam. If there was another way..."

"There's always another way," he replied with disappointment.

She gazed down at her protruding belly with sadness. Everything she'd done was to protect the helpless life growing inside of her. How could anyone fault a mother for trying to protect her child?

She was about to say something more when Bobby walked into the house, followed closely by Sam. He walked over to the couch, sitting in the spot that Bobby had occupied earlier. while Bobby shot Dean a knowing glance. It took him a few moments before he understood, getting up from the chair and following Bobby outside.

Sam gazed at Jessie ruefully. He'd been so worried about her, and missed her so much. But knowing she'd been keeping a secret from him, made him feel betrayed. All he'd been thinking about, and dreaming about, was holding her in his arms again. But now that he was with her again, he felt like there was an even bigger distance between them.

"Why would you do this to me, Jessie?" he asked with disappointment. "Why would you make me worry about you? Why wouldn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

She had so many things she wanted to say to him. But as she gazed into his eyes and saw the pain she'd caused, she realized that nothing she could say would be good enough to ease his pain, or her own guilt. She knew she'd done everything to protect her baby. But she knew he wouldn't see it that way. She could only hope that he would eventually forgive her. And if that was going to happen, she was going to have to start explaining things.

She swallowed hard, fighting off tears. "I'm sorry, Sam. I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did hurt me, Jessie," he said. "You understand that, right?"

"I do."

He shook his head mildly in disbelief. "Why wouldn't you tell me you're pregnant? Were you afraid of what I might say, or do? How far along are you?"

She glanced down at her hands for a moment before fixing her gaze on him once again.

"At first, I didn't know what to think about it myself, Sam. I didn't want to believe I was pregnant." She paused, glancing at her belly for a moment. "I never wanted children. So when I took the test and it came back positive. I was in complete denial."

"When did you find out you were pregnant?" he interrupted.

She shifted her gaze, fighting back tears. She knew her answer was going to upset him.

"The night we left Vegas."

"What?!" he said in surprise. "So that was the reason you wanted to leave. It wasn't because of the news story at all, was it?"

"No, it wasn't."

"And all those times you were sick and feeling tired. It wasn't because of stress. It was because you were pregnant."

She nodded her head lightly. "I know it won't make you feel any better, but—I didn't even suspect I was pregnant until the last night in Vegas. I had no clue, until you said something that made me think about it."

"Really?" he asked in surprise and disbelief.

She sighed. "Do you remember when you made light of the weight I had gained?" He nodded once. "Well, I got pissed at you and then you called Dean. And you told me he said that it was probably getting close to my time of the month. That was when I realized it had been awhile since I had had my time of the month. But when I thought about the sickness and how tired I had been, I just knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, with disappointment in his voice.

She averted her eyes for a few moments before responding.

"I was scared, Sam. I didn't want a baby. I didn't think you'd want a baby," she paused for a moment to fight back tears. "I didn't want my life to change. I was finally happy, with you. I didn't want that to end."

"Why would it have to end because of a baby?"

She sighed. "Maybe I was thinking selfishly, but, I didn't want things to change. Hunting is my life. It's no life for a child."

He gazed at her with understanding, reaching out to take her hands into his. "We could've figured it all out, together. If only you'd trusted me enough."

She looked at him with regret, tears filling her eyes. "I do trust you, Sam. It's—me, that I don't trust," she replied hesitantly.

He gazed at her sadly, reaching out his arms towards her and pulled her into his chest. He began stroking her hair as she began to sob, repeatedly apologizing. It took several minutes for her to gain control over herself. But he patiently waited until she was calm enough to speak once again, before he eased her off of his chest, brushing his fingers across her cheek once.

"I don't understand why you felt the need to hide from me all this time, Jess. If you trusted me so much..."

She sighed deeply and swallowed hard. "There's so much more to this story, Sam."

"Then tell me," he said pleadingly.

She nodded her head in agreement. "I will. But I'm not explaining myself twice."

He nodded knowingly. "I'll go get Bobby and Dean."

She watched Sam leave with ambivalence. She didn't want to tell them anything, but she had no choice now. She felt a slight relief that she was finally getting a chance to explain herself. But at the same time, she knew they were going to be upset, disappointed, and possibly even angry with her. She could only hope that after all was said and done, she would still have a family.

A/N: Well, the secret is finally out. It seems she has a long explanation ahead of her. What do you think they'll be most surprised about? The baby? Or the fact she was allowing Crowley to help her?

I just finished writing the next chapter, so it should be up within the week.

Thanks for reading!

She picked up her glass of milk and drank it down while she was waiting for the inevitable.