Chapter 63

Both Sam and Dean were waiting in the house by the time Jessie shuffled in with Bobby close behind. She knew by the looks on their faces that she was not going to get out of this, no matter the excuse. She was going to try everything she could to try and explain her decision, but she knew they could never understand. She barely understood. So how was she supposed to make them understand? All she knew was she had done all of this for her son. And she would never apologize for doing what she thought was best to protect him.

After taking a seat at the kitchen table, with an upset brother on either side of her, she shot Bobby a pleading glance. But he only continued to look at her impassively, as if afraid to show any emotion. And the worst of it was how much it hurt. He was never one to shy away from showing exactly how he felt, especially when he felt so strongly about something. It only made her feel so much more disappointed in herself.

"Where do you want me to start?" she asked rather timidly.

"What the hell were you doing?" Dean asked before anyone else could speak.

"Are you really going to make me say it?"

"I guess if you want us to believe what you're about to say, yeah, I think we should hear you say it."

After he spoke, he glanced at Bobby, who was still looking impassive. She wondered if he was thinking the same thing. Why is he being so quiet? She was more afraid of his reaction than she was afraid of Meg. And she was completely terrified of her. But this reaction from Bobby was so new and so much more terrifying. She had very little in this life, she didn't want to lose what she had. And this was the moment that might just happen. After all the times she'd practiced this speech just in case they found out, she found her mind was drawing a blank. All she could do was let them ask the questions, and hopefully she would be able to find an answer for them.

She let out a defeated sigh, glancing down at the table. "I was drinking demon blood."

The room was silent for what seemed like hours, but it was only a few seconds before Sam was the one who broke the silence.

"Why?" he asked, the disappointment apparent in his voice.

She stared at her hands on the table while trying to work up the courage to speak. The obvious disappointment in his voice was bringing her to the verge of tears. But she didn't want to cry. She didn't want them to think she was emotional, or perhaps not being honest and just trying to manipulate them. She needed to remain calm, despite the overwhelming feeling of dread that was crashing down on her.

"To protect our son," she replied with her voice cracking, once she was able to work up the courage to lift her head and look into her husband's eyes.

He shook his head slightly. "You're gonna have to do better than that."

She shrugged. "I don't know what else you want me to say, Sam. All that I've done is to protect him."

"And how exactly is drinking demon blood going to protect him? Can you explain that to me?"

She fixed her gaze on her hands once again, trying desperately to find the words. Why couldn't she find the words? She had rehearsed what she was going to say for the past few days, but she couldn't recall any of it now that she had need of it. She must have been taking too long to answer, because she heard her name being called quietly.

She apologized for taking so long to answer, but offered no excuses. She knew they wouldn't want to hear them, and would probably just serve to irk them more than they already were.

"Crowley told me he had a way to protect me. At the time, I had no idea what he had planned. But I wanted to protect my son anyway possible." She paused for a moment, releasing a long sigh. "It wasn't until he saved me from the werewolf attack that I actually believed he might want to help me. But even then I didn't want to accept it. When he showed up at my house shortly after that, it took a bit more coaxing for him to convince me that I might need his help. That was when he began explaining how he wanted to help."

"And that was when he brought up the demon blood?" Sam asked rather impatiently.

"He didn't come straight out and say it. You know him, he's a salesman, and a demon. He touted the benefits of it before he told me exactly what he was talking about. And by the time he mentioned what he meant, I was almost convinced."

"Almost?"

"Sam, do you remember those talks we had about your past with demon blood?" She watched him nod in understanding before continuing. "I didn't forget those talks. I remembered everything you told me. So initially, I told Crowley to cram it. But he never gave up on me. He played to my insecurities, and my fears, and my loneliness. I knew better than that, but I told myself I could handle it. If I went into it knowing everything, I would be okay."

"But did you really know everything?" he asked.

"No," she replied, feeling a bit of shame. "He didn't tell me everything. He didn't tell me all of the side effects. He told me if I only took it in very small amounts that I would be fine. And I was-for a while."

"When did it change?"

She shrugged lightly. "I don't remember the exact moment. But after I left my house to be with you again, I began to crave it more. I don't know why. All I know is I felt like it was suddenly a need, not just a want. Crowley even warned me, told me to take it easy. That if I didn't, I would end up addicted to it. But by then, it was too late. I already was. And I'm pretty sure he knew that. He even gave me larger doses when I would ask for them, without question."

"And this wasn't a red flag?"

"It was Sam, but I couldn't stop. It wasn't until more side effects began showing up that he told me more about them, and by then it was way too late. I'd already began to feel out of control. I tried to stop a few times, I tried to ignore the cravings, but I was too weak willed by then. And then..."

"And then, what?"

She swallowed hard, gazing at her hands again. "And then Meg attacked us. Remember when she tried to use her demon powers on me and they didn't work?" She waited for a nod of understanding before continuing. "That was the moment that proved that the blood was working like Crowley said it would. He told me I would soon become immune to all demons powers, even his own. But the moment Meg tried I knew for sure that it was working. And as much as I wanted to quit taking the blood, I knew this was the only way I could keep myself and my son safe."

"You mean the only way you thought you could keep him safe?"

She nodded with shame.

"Wait a minute!" Dean interrupted. "How exactly were you getting all this blood?"

"Crowley would usually bring it to me."

"Where? How did you get to it without us knowing?" he asked somewhat angrily. "Every time you snuck out?"

"Not every time..."

Dean shot Bobby and his brother a look of what seemed like triumph to Jessie. Like he had finally proved he was right about her all along. And in that moment, she knew it would be difficult to gain his trust again. And that was the worst part for her. Losing the trust of her family. The only people who truly cared for her. But she knew, if any of them asked if she regretted what she had done and whether she would do it all again, she knew the answer was, yes. Regardless of the consequences, she had done what she thought was right for her child and she would do it again in a heartbeat.

Bobby stood up abruptly, gazing at both of the brothers in turn. "I need to leave for a minute. Do not let her out of your sight."

Before either brother could say anything, he'd left into the livingroom and moments later they heard the door of his study close loudly.

"So, I'm a prisoner now?" she asked no one in particular.

"If you weren't before, you are now," Dean replied with a slight chuckle.

Sam shot his brother a warning glance, but said nothing.

Jessie felt defeated. She knew she wasn't going to be alone again, except maybe while in the bathroom, for the rest of her pregnancy. She was close to her due date, but not close enough. And worst of all was she knew for a fact that she would not be able to get her hands on any demon blood again. And that was a problem. She didn't know how the withdrawal would affect her or the baby, and she really wasn't keen on finding out. She was already beginning to feel shaky inside since she had barely managed to drink any before she was caught. And although she thought Dean's laugh was slightly mean and cavalier, she ignored it. She couldn't give into her anger now.

When Bobby sauntered back into the room a few minutes later, she could smell alcohol on him. Guilt washed over her, making her feel sick to her stomach. She knew he was probably in pain right now and she wanted it to stop. But she didn't want to carry all the blame. She hadn't done any of this to hurt anyone. She only wanted to protect her son.

He stood at the table silent for a few moments before finally speaking.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Jess," he said calmly but his voice was audibly cracking. "I never thought you could be this stupid. Of all the people, I never thought you would get into bed with a demon."

"Bobby..."

"No. You're gonna sit there and listen to me, young lady," he said harshly, but didn't raise his voice. "I know you've been worried about your baby, but we swore we would do everything to help you. Why would you continue allowing Crowley to lead you around like a puppy?"

"Do you really think that little of me?" she asked in a hushed tone.

"I don't know what to think anymore," he replied without missing a beat. "The Jessie I know would never lie to me like this."

Her anger began to rise at his response. She had already been shaky since she hadn't been able to finish drinking the demon blood. And his perceived attack on her character cut her deep down.

"Do you really want to talk about lies, Bobby?" she asked with venom.

"This isn't about me, Jess. This is about you."

"Not about you?" she scoffed. "I learned how to lie from the best."

Bobby was so taken aback by her words that he didn't know what to say in response.

Everyone was quiet for a few moments before Dean spoke up.

"That was uncalled for."

"Shut up, Dean," she said while glowering at him. "He doesn't need you to fight his battles for him."

He opened his mouth to retort, but after glancing in Bobby's direction he thought better of it.

"This is getting us nowhere," Sam finally said. "There's enough blame to go around this room and none of us are innocent. And the last thing Jessie needs right now is more stress."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised you'd let her off so easily," his brother said with disappointment.

"That's not it," he replied quietly. "I just know how it feels to be messed up on demon blood and thinking it was the only way to save my loved ones."

She gazed into Sam's eyes, which she instantly regretted. She could see the pain and sorrow she'd caused in his eyes and it hurt. It hurt so much that her anger began to abate almost as quickly as it had shown up.

"I'm really sorry, Sam," she said with sadness.

He stood up from his seat, walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her. With his chin resting on her shoulder, he quietly whispered in her ear.

"Neither of us are perfect, Jess," he said while squeezing her firmly. "I'll help you get through this."

As she squeezed him back, a few silent tears rolled down her face. She tried to hold them back, but it was no use. After closing her eyes, she began to sob very quietly for a short time.

For the rest of the day, hardly anyone spoke at all, And when they did, it was only in necessity. Bobby had hidden himself away in his study for most of it. He only came out to get food or drink and to use the bathroom. Sam, of course, sat next to his wife, Sometimes they held hands, sometimes not. But neither really said much to each other. And Dean, he stayed nearby always keeping an eye on Jessie.

When it was time for bed, Sam decided he would stay awake and watch her while everyone else slept. But since he knew both Dean and Bobby well enough, he knew neither of them would probably sleep very well anyway.

A few hours into her sleep, Jessie woke up drenched in sweat. Before she could even fully sit up, which was difficult in her very pregnant state these days, Sam was by her side. He helped her out of bed so she could get a change of clothes, then changed the sheets and helped her back into bed. And although she felt a bit better, she was far from okay. But all she wanted to do was sleep.

For the rest of the night, and part of the morning, sleep was almost completely elusive to her. She finally got out of bed when she could no longer even get comfortable. Sam had dozed off, but awoke the instant her feet touched the ground. She had hoped for a few minutes to herself, but she should've know that wasn't going to happen.

Jessie tried a couple of cups of coffee in hopes it would help her feel a bit more awake, but it didn't really help at all. So on top of the withdrawal symptoms making her cranky, she was also tired. Even having something to eat didn't make her feel any better.

The rest of the day was about as miserable as the night had been. Since Sam was sleeping, she had to deal with Dean watching her like a hawk. This, coupled with the fact she was feeling incredibly nauseous, she was having hot flashes and she felt anxious, did not help in the least. And with no one to talk to, she also felt incredibly alone.

She went to bed much earlier than was normal for her, but once again sleep was elusive. And when she did sleep, she ended up having nightmares. And at some point when the sun was beginning to rise, her body also began to feel achy, besides the other symptoms she'd also been experiencing, which were getting steadily worse as time went on.

Although Dean was angry and disappointed in Jessie, he also wasn't heartless. He noticed how bad she seemed to be feeling, so he swallowed his pride and began trying to help her in some way. He made her breakfast, which she barely ate, while he attempted to talk to her. Besides a thank you for breakfast, she didn't really say anything at all. That didn't stop him from trying to talk to her and make her laugh. That was, until she'd had enough.

"God damn it, Dean! Can't you shut the hell up?" she yelled.

He looked at her in anger, but remained silent.

After the exchange, she lingered in the kitchen only long enough to get a drink to bring with her into the livingroom. She sat on the couch and turned on the TV, but she wasn't really interested in watching anything, she just needed the noise to try and keep her distracted.

Eventually, she curled up on the couch, wrapping the blanket that was over the back of the couch around her. She hadn't planned on sleeping, but she began to doze off almost immediately. Unfortunately, she would only sleep for about twenty minutes at a time, awakening each time covered in sweat.

It was only an hour later when she awoke with a start, her eyes wide open as she was on the verge of panic. She felt like her entire body was shaking violently and she was having trouble breathing. She sat up as quickly as she could manage, hoping it would help.

Sam, who had been hovering around almost the entire time she had been resting, was by her side in an instant. He quickly sat down beside her, placing a supportive hand on her back.

"Back off, Sam," she replied breathlessly, her body shaking violently.

He removed his hand from her back, but he refused to move away from her. He was not going to allow her to scare him away form helping her when she needed him the most. He was trying his best to speak to her calmly, to reassure her everything would be fine, when she glared at him with the most hideous look.

"Leave me alone!" she shrieked.

He was taken aback for a moment, almost terrified, but he stuck beside her. He remembered how difficult it had been when he was trying to withdrawal from demon blood and would've been grateful if someone had been there to stand by him. To support him. But he hadn't had that and he couldn't allow Jessie to go through this alone, regardless of how she felt about it at this moment.

Jessie's shouting had attracted the attention of both Dean and Bobby, who had come running into the room from separate areas of the house at almost the exact same moment, both of them slightly out of breath. They gazed at each other with concern, before turning that concern towards Jessie and Sam.

Sam shot both of them warning glances, hoping they would stay back and let him handle things, while Jessie's eyes narrowed at them, her body still shaking quite violently, but she said nothing. Her look, however, was all that was needed to convey her feelings.

Dean hesitated, deciding on staying several feet away from her. But Bobby was too concerned to think straight. He continued to walk close to her until he was standing right next to the couch only a few feet away.

He began to speak to her calmly, trying to reassure her just as Sam had been doing. But she wasn't herself. Bobby could see that in her eyes. He'd seen more than his fair share of people who had been possessed and she looked very much like that, only different.

As he reached his hand out to place on her shoulder in support, she shrieked loudly. Suddenly, a strong force emanated from her strongly, pushing all three of the men backwards violently.

Sam, who was nearest to her, was thrown over the side of the couch, falling to the floor beside it unceremoniously. Bobby, flew backwards several feet, managing to slam into an old armchair relatively unscathed. Dean was pushed backwards, slamming into a wall, but he managed to stay upright.

Sam scrambled back to his feet quickly, which was just in time to catch Jessie as she passed out, nearly falling face first onto the floor. It took some effort to lift her into his arms, since not only was she heavier, but much more awkward to lift with her large protruding belly. He glanced towards his brother quickly before setting his gaze on Bobby. And as he was about to open his mouth to say something, Dean interrupted him, glaring at him angrily.

"You know what needs to happen now, don't you, Sam?" he asked calmly, his voice belying his look of anger.

Sam knew exactly what Dean was talking about, without him having to explain. He knew exactly what Dean and Bobby had done to him when he was going through demon blood withdrawal and was out of control. But he definitely did not agree with him. And he was not going to go along with it without a fight. As he turned to glance at Bobby, he had a hard look on his face, which quickly turned to one of shame and regret.

"He's right, Sam," Bobby agree quietly.

Sam shifted Jessie's body in his arms, glaring at Bobby furiously. "We're not locking her up in the panic room, Bobby, and that's that."

A/N: I am SO very sorry that it has take this long to continue this story. I began reading this on my Twitch stream and people loved it so much I've decide to attempt to finish it. I never make promises I don't keep, so this is not a promise. But I will try my hardest. I am a little rusty and since this is the chapter I got major block on, I hope it's up to my usual standard. If you read this, I appreciate you.