The Magicians' Realm Chapter 98: Rubber Biscuit, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Chapter 98 everybody! Yes here I am it's about dang time—really wanted to make sure to update on the fic's anniversary, which is unfortunately its fifth-year anniversary…I am not fast.

Also full chapter title is "What Do You Want For Nothing, A Rubber Biscuit?", from the line from the song. Curse FFN's chapter title limits...

With that in mind—the present-day chunk of the chapter was written fairly early on and required a lot of polishing up to get it at something presentable, and a lot of stuff after this just got canned completely because it's not matching up to where the story is now and is just clunkily written (it was written at a time when I was managing maybe a page a week and being proud of that—now that I'm doing four pages a day it doesn't fit my current writing style). And you can thank Bush's Baked Beans' new commercial for this chapter—originally had a different plan for Teana and company (which will show up next chapter), but thanks to that commercial using the song "Rubber Biscuit" and getting it stuck in my head, I had this mental image of Max demonstrating one of the lines. Started there, worked backwards, completed chapter. *cries happily*

And a bit of a mythology gag: Max is carted off by Administrator Unger, which early on was supposed to be him—his real last name was revealed before we got to that point, which let me use Unger as a background character instead. Another gag related to Max: apparently there was a Roman emperor who elected his horse to senate. We're not sure how that went.

Movie this week isn't one I watched, but rather my Mom: The Ring. Worth mentioning because when Mom started telling me about it, she got to the part where they watch the video and I went "Seven days" not knowing what the movie was—when she said "Yeah, that's it!" I realized what it was. Which is funny because my entire knowledge of that movie can be summed up with that one episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! Abridged. Although the kicker is honestly the movie saying that the phone rings right before the ghost gets you and then the phone next to Mom ringing right after they say that. Mom and I both agree that's not funny while simultaneously laughing our heads off. XD

Angiembabe, thanks for the review! That is a valid concern…and yes! Go Yami!

References:

Original characters, + setting © Kineil D. Wicks (myself, not the girl in the story)

Greg Montgau could tell that this would be one of those days.

More often than not, the Administrators would forge ahead on this or that, and only consult Greg when his power as Head Mage was needed—mostly to sign papers.

So it wasn't much of a surprise to arrive at the Administration Building and see the Administrators running around like so many headless chickens. They could get themselves worked up over the darndest things. Like a guy who may-or-may-not have been murdered but just as easily could have died from natural causes.

Greg was still concerned over that—more so because he couldn't track down the magical signature of the mystery third person.

Another thing that wasn't much of a surprise to see was Administrator Maxwell Carter sitting in a corner, lighting a fresh cigar as he watched the activity. Greg tried to think of a time when Maxwell had actually contributed to work, but failed—he had no idea why the man stayed around.

On the plus side, Maxwell was good for succinctly filling a person in, if he was asked first.

"What's going on here?" Greg asked him, gesturing.

"Nothing much," Maxwell said, puffing on his cigar, still wearing that ascot. "Big important blueprint for a trans-dimensional device was stolen last night—magic stuff."

That was Maxwell's cue that something was happening that required the Head Mage—wait a minute—what did he just say?

"A trans-dimensional device?" Greg repeated. "Plans for one of those were stolen?"

"I believe that's already been established."

"That sounds like a lot more than nothing much."

"Did I say that?" Maxwell asked, glancing at him with hooded eyes. "Oh right—that's supposed to be the official statement."

"Sumbinix?" Greg asked.

Maxwell pointed, directing him properly. As he crossed over to the irate Administrator, Greg could picture Maxwell's grin behind him—if he did nothing else, Maxwell loved causing and witnessing discomfort.

"What's going on?" Greg asked, upon reaching the Administrators quickly and quietly conversing. They jumped as though he had electrocuted them.

"Nothing of your concern," Sumbinix said, when it became obvious none of the other Administrators would say anything.

"Really?" Greg asked, crossing his arms. "Because rumor has it that some very important scroll just went missing."

The Administrator's expressions would have been comical if things weren't so serious. Greg had to admit, this was the first time he had seen any of the Administrators so upset, more than they had been at Mesthil's death, even. Dr. Sumbinix himself was especially agitated at this missing scroll. Which made Greg wonder….

"What's in the scroll?" he asked.

"None of your concern," Dr. Sumbinix snapped.

Greg paused, taken aback, then forged ahead.

"It is my concern," Greg said slowly, making sure they paid attention to every word he said. "Since I'm Head Mage, that means that anything magical is my concern. And last I checked, the scrolls we keep are magic."

Dr. Sumbinix paused, digesting this. "That's true; I apologize," he said, although he didn't sound very sorry at all. "The…scroll…has a…well, let's say a very powerful and very dangerous spell written on it. It's not good that it went missing."

"The last I checked, the scrolls that could get up and walk away were locked up," Greg said. "That means that this scroll didn't go missing: it was stolen."

"It went missing," Dr. Sumbinix insisted. "No one could have stolen it; therefore you're not looking for anything except a missing scroll." He reached over to his desk and slammed his gavel. "Page! Get Detectives Crux and Marr."

Greg waited until the detectives came in. Then, fuming, he cut across Dr. Sumbinix with his best imitation of his elder brother Hotchner.

"You're looking for someone with a high level of magic," he informed them, ignoring the Administrators' gaping faces. "This is someone with a mastery of magic, specifically undoing traps or masking their presence. Take some dowsing rods to the scroll's usual location and get them attuned before you go."

He dismissed them, then turned to Dr. Sumbinix, who had turned an interesting shade of purple. "How dare you," Sumbinix hissed.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Greg said, keeping his voice calm and even. "But the laws all state that the Mages are to concern themselves with the magical side of things and the Administrators are to focus on the day-to-day concerns." Here Greg gave him a little smile. "You don't want to spread yourself too thin and hurt yourself, do you?"

He left before he could fully appreciate Dr. Sumbinix's stunned face. "Call me if you need anything," he tossed over his shoulder.

*\*/*

Teana woke the next morning feeling refreshed physically and wiped out mentally.

So as it turns out, she wasn't quite able to banish the whole concept of future-sight from her mind—a lifetime of ignoring that and here she was, one stupid slip sending her back to her childhood. Great.

Coffee.

The scent assured her that such a thing existed, maybe a cup would help. Struggle upright out from under the blanket, roll off the couch and try to keep her forward momentum to the kitchen from being a stagger.

Kineil was already in there.

"Mornin'!" she chimed, gesturing at the open window before checking the biscuits in the pan on the stove. "I tell you, global warming may bring Chaos, but if this is the kind of weather we can expect I welcome our Chaotic rulers." Look at her. "And how are you feeling?"

"I'm…going to let you know later," Teana decided, sitting down. Her limbs felt wobbly, but that could have been from not eating for about a day.

"I've had those days—I'll give you a week before carting you to a doc." Pour her a cup of coffee, put it in front of her. "If that turns your stomach I can do tea."

"Ta," Teana noised, taking a sip—sugar. Sugar would have probably been a good idea.

A chirp redirected her attention—Lil' Stevie bounced on the sill before flying over to her.

Kineil blinked at the event.

"Eh, I've had worse drop in," she decided, waving her spatula.

"Oh hi there."

"And there's the worse now—hi Max."

"Don't hi Max me, what are you doing here?"

"I live here—what's your excuse?"

Maxwell shrugged, grabbed a mug. "I have reasons—oi this cup's empty." Seemed to finally notice Teana there, trying to process just how he had popped in out of nowhere. "Say pal, you don't look so good."

Teana debated on telling him anything, was saved by the necessity by Kineil going "She looks better than you." Jerk her head at Maxwell, looking at Teana. "What about him—how does he bite it? Tell me it's soon."

It won't be but he'll wish he were dead—

"He'll outlive us all just to spite us," Teana opted to say instead, sipping her coffee. Much better.

Kineil and Maxwell exchanged glances—the latter shrugged. "Sounds like me. Now if you'll excuse me, I did come here for a reason."

"And what reason is that?" Kineil asked, not batting an eye at him whipping a top hat out of nowhere and opening the fridge.

"Well firstly I've come to the conclusion that I had nothing to eat at my place, which is a problem. The other day I ended up having a wish sandwich—you know where you have two slices of bread and you wish you had some meat?"

"So your solution is to come here?" Kineil asked, not batting an eye at him putting a loaf of bread in the top hat—which really shouldn't have swallowed it up like it was bottomless.

"Where else would I go?" he asked, dumping several eggs in the hat.

"A grocery store comes to mind."

"But then I'd have to pay for it."

"Do Administrators not get paychecks?"

"We do but that's beside the point. How old is this milk, do you know?"

"Give me that," Kineil snapped, snatching the carton away from him. "And here," she said, handing him a mug. "Here's your coffee."

"Ah thanks—" Cut off abruptly when Kineil grabbed his cigar and dropped it in the mug. "Now that's uncalled for."

"So's you bringing that stinking thing in the kitchen—call it square."

"Eh," he noised, taking a sip. "Needs sugar."

Teana stared blankly at him; looked at Kineil.

Kineil pointed at him. "You sure he outlives us?"

"Unfortunately."

"What's unfortunate—oh," Yami noised, coming in and spotting Maxwell. "What are you doing in my fridge?"

"I think the better question is, what are you doing here?" Maxwell countered.

Yami blinked. "I…live here," he said slowly, before redirecting his attention to Teana. "Are you feeling better?"

"I was, but things took a nosedive about five minutes ago," Teana said, gesturing to Maxwell.

"Cheers," Maxwell said, kicking the fridge door shut. "Oh by the way, you need to go shopping."

"You know how you keep telling Yami his friends are all nuts?" Kineil asked, indicating Maxwell. "Him I'm inclined to believe."

"Gee thanks. What kind of biscuits are those?"

She looked at the pan she was currently holding. "Done biscuits—what, there's a variety?"

"Ah, right—you ever hear of a ricochet biscuit?" Maxwell asked, taking a biscuit from the pan. "It's where you fling a biscuit at the wall and it bounces back into your mouth. If it doesn't—well, you go hungry."

"It's a little early for nonsense, don't you think?" Teana asked.

"I suppose you're right," Maxwell said, shrugging—

Flung the biscuit at the wall—

And did indeed catch it in his mouth when it ricocheted back to him.

"Oh look at that," Maxwell observed around a mouthful. "It works."

Kineil stared at him a moment before dumping the pan on a plate. "Okay, so these biscuits are for the boys…."

Yami considered before picking up a biscuit and throwing it—it plapped against the wall and then bounced to the floor.

"Mine was defective," Yami observed.

"Yeah sure, let's go with that explanation," Max said, waving a hand as Kineil ducked down and dusted the biscuit off.

"You're not serving that," Teana said flatly.

"Not to you," Kineil assured her, putting it on a plate before grabbing another one. "We'll see who the unlucky sap is when the boys come in."

"Okay so the good news the fire is out—oh you," Hephaestus said, spotting Maxwell. "What are you doing here?"

"Socializing," Maxwell said. "And oh yeah—just letting you know that the Administrators are trying for some early-morning legislature. You'd think they'd have the decency to wait until after breakfast."

Yami groaned as Hephaestus and Vulcan took the plates Kineil was holding out and sat down.

"I thought you'd like that."

"No one likes that," Vulcan observed after their moment of silence—noticed Kineil watching them as they dug in. "What?"

"Nothing," she said, shrugging as she dumped more flour into a bowl. "Just that one of those biscuits met the floor before your mouth."

Both boys looked down at the biscuits smothered in gravy and already missing several bites. Looked back up at her. "Who lost?"

She pointed at Hephaestus.

"Ah man," the blond muttered.

"Ah well, sucks to be you," Maxwell said, dumping the rest of the biscuits into his top hat. "Also sucks to be you," he said to Yami. "Now if you'll excuse me, I want to get a good seat for this upcoming mess."

And with that, he clicked his heels together and disappeared through the floor.

Kineil looked to Teana.

"Yes, we are aware he is insane," she told her. "Yes, we are aware that a horse could do his job better. The horse's behind could do the job better WHY are you still eating the floor biscuit?" she demanded of Hephaestus.

Hephaestus froze, looked down at his biscuit. "I…don't know…."

"Because there's no other biscuits to be had," Vulcan pointed out, indicating the empty plate.

"Oi you all are nuts," Kineil muttered, going back to the frying pan.

"Yes, well," Yami sighed. "If you'll excuse me I have to actually work—pity someone couldn't give me a ride."

"Yeah no I've been on that ride you don't want it—pretty sure he detours through the crazy slum area of the Twilight Zone when he does that thing."

"There's a crazy slum area of the Twilight Zone?"

"Yes, and Max found it."

"Oi," Yami sighed. Dipped and kissed Teana on the forehead. "Hope you're feeling better."

And with that he was gone through the window and winging towards the Administration Building.

"And yet when we go through the window you call us crazy," Hephaestus pointed out.

"I call you crazy on principle," Kineil said, leaning against the counter and sipping her coffee. Nod at Teana. "You need an Excedrin, don't you?"

"I need a lot of things," Teana moaned, massaging her forehead.

Like figuring out how to avert the future that had superimposed itself over all the others.

*/*\*

Maxwell couldn't help the laugh that escaped as Head Mage Montgau walked out, although he managed to keep it managed to a chortle.

Unfortunately, in the stunned silence that the Head Mage had left, that chortle might as well have been full-blast; every last Administrator and toady turned to glare at him.

"Crux, Marr," Administrator Sumbinix said. "Find that scroll before the Head Mage does. Serpine, Unger—I think Administrator Carter needs to sit down. Take him to his office."

Maxwell dropped his cigar from nerveless lips, certain his face was draining of color. They hadn't done that in years….

Time to go.

Except pain exploded all over when he tried to make a break for it through his shadows—Serpine was pointing that red right hand of his at him, generating unspeakable pain and keeping him from thinking straight enough to get out—

By the time he was aware that it had stopped, he was already in Serpine and Unger's clutches and being dragged down the hall to his 'old office'—the one with that chair in it.

"We should leave him in there for a few years," he heard Serpine suggest.

"Unfortunately, we'd need him before then," Unger sighed.

"Three months," Maxwell muttered, this time purposefully limp in their grasp. "That's got to be a new record for me."